Worshipping the Information Rather Than the Power – Peter M.

About This Speaker Tape

Brooklyn, 1970s. A Saturday night feast on a street corner where a shaking, insecure kid watches his friends pass around a quart of Colt 45. For Peter M., that first drink was a panacea; it silenced the judge in his head and stopped the vibrating in his skin.

But the relief was a lie. He describes the "boomerang" of alcoholism that eventually cut him to ribbons, transforming him into a "bedevilment" to his family. He recounts the grit of the Brooklyn waterfront, forging his father's checks and stealing from the people who loved him, until he was a "Bowery bum" in his own home.

Peter warns against "worshipping the information" or the ego of the "new sneakers and manicures" phase of sobriety. He argues that the Big Book is merely a pointer to a Higher Power. He speaks of the wreckage of a "dead spirit" and the visceral shift that happens when an awakened spirit returns to a dingy, depressed house and cleans it up.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Peter M. opens with gratitude and discusses the concept of being a 'recovered' member.
• 10:15 Discussion on the 're-emergence of ego' and the trap of worshipping AA information over the Higher Power.
• 16:40 Laughter: Story about the 'Free Spirit Group' in Brooklyn and the Godfather-inspired members.
• 22:10 Peter describes his first drunk at age 14 and the 'vibrating' fear he felt as a child.
• 32:50 The 'real alcoholic' vs. 'hard drinker' distinction and the phenomenon of craving.
• 45:10 Account of stealing from his father and forging checks to fund his drinking.
• 55:30 The suicide attempt with Valium and Jack Daniels and the realization of his mother's suffering.
• 1:05:20 Description of the 'horror show' apartment and drinking Mr. Boston Blackberry Brandy.
• 1:18:10 The 'moment of clarity' in a Manhattan hallway and his plea to a Higher Power.
• 1:30:45 The process of making amends to his father and the 'new footing' of their relationship.
• 1:42:15 A detailed account of a spiritual meditation involving a statue and a return to South Brooklyn.