Women from Her Group Carried Her Through a Double Mastectomy Without One Thought of a Drink – Jenny B.

My name is Alex, and I'm an alcoholic. And I'm Alex. Welcome to the Monday 8 p.m. Blue Chip Speaker Meeting at the NAVA Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story. This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual, in our personal stories, describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on aabloochipspeakers.org will hear our speaker. And we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say yes, I am one of them too. I must have this thing. Tonight's speaker is going to share her recovery journey with us, and I'm very grateful to have an opportunity to learn about experience, strength, and hope in facing illness and recovery. And with that, we have Jenny B. from the Turin Lost and Found Group. Hi, everyone. My name is Jenny, and I am an alcoholic. Jenny. My sobriety date is April 7, 2022. I am a member of the Turin Lost and Found Group. I have a sponsor who has a sponsor. And I'm going to open up my story with a few, two little stories that really showed me that there is a higher power, like proof beyond a measure that there is a higher power. And this higher power has been with me throughout my entire life. So when I was a young kid, a guinea pig, and so, we used to let him run around our room, and our dog got a hold of him, okay? Broke his back, killed the guinea pig. We were really sad. My dad put it in the garage in his cage, and he was going to dump it later on that night. Well, me and my younger sister, we decided that we were going to go say our goodbyes to the guinea pig. And we went into the garage, and we were both crying, and, you know, we put our hands on the guinea pig and prayed over the guinea pig. Well, this guinea pig jumps up, and lives for another four years. That was not me. That was my higher power. I was young. Like, I was in first grade, you know, so I had that experience from a very young age. And then my second is I ended up with COVID. We pushed it a little bit too far, did a little more than I should have done, and the only way I can really describe it is just pure joy. Nothing else down here mattered. Nothing was just pure voice that she had passed away about six months prior to this. And I heard her voice. She said, Jenny, it's not your time. And he was like, you didn't help. And I looked at him, and he's like, why are you crying? I was like, you know. So those are two stories that have proven to me that there is something much bigger than us out there. So I was raised in a very, large family i was the second of six all alcohol i didn't even really know what alcohol was i just knew that it was bad until i was so that those were church was my really my only um very religious home it was you know christian music and such and you know um i was very i had a relationship um with my higher power at a very young age um i was baptized in third grade i continued going to church until i could drive once i could drive i was like ah bye see you guys later and um so that's kind of when that's kind of when um well take it back seventh grade when i went to public school so i was homeschooled you know i was in a bubble protected and i went to public school and uh all about years i did not know about so you know i was immediately started getting into trouble i mean immediately started um disobeying my parents my mom's like oh, don't date him because he's Catholic. And I'd be like, guess what? I'm going to date him because he's Catholic. And, you know, I wasn't, my parents were very strict, but I was also very manipulative. And I was able to get away with a lot of things that, you know, way with it, maybe, I guess, because my mom had so many other kids to worry about, maybe. But, you know, I got away with a lot of things. So I started, I took my first drink when I was 16 years old. You know, I can't tell you what it was. I didn't get the, oh, this is amazing feeling. But that was my first drink, experience with drinking. And it didn't really, you know, phase me smoking cigarettes during that. My mom had a thing where she would, and I was trying to be responsible, you know. Well, my mom, was digging through my book bag, trying to find cigarettes. And she found my birth control and immediately kicked me out. That's where I was introduced to alcohol. Born alcoholics, they were just drinkers. They could drink and put a drink down. So that's where I was introduced to it. You know, we would have parties over there and, you know, like kids would, we would party with the parents or we were safe and everything. But, you know, I did notice that, you know, I, I would drink and I would want more. And they would have like one or two drinks and I'd be like, okay, we're done. I'm like, well, can I have some more, you know, or either I would, you know, sneak and steal, you know, steal a little shot. And, you know, that was until I was about, well, I lived with them for a while. So a year later, I ended up pregnant with my oldest dog. At that point, I thought that my life was over. You know, I was 19 years old, having a baby, a baby having a baby. You know, I'd already planned on going to school, what school I was going to go to. All this, my life was planned out. And here, you know, this baby, my decisions had, had interrupted my plans. So I ended up, I had my daughter. She saved my life. She really did. And at about 15, when she was about 15 months old, now let me go ahead and say this. My dad, he, he was an amazing man. Loved every single one of us individually. My mom, well, my mom stayed home. He was just a great faith. When my daughter was 15 months old, my dad had a massive heart attack and passed away right then and there, 2005. And at that point, you know, I was like, something changed. I was very, I was like, why would you take someone away from, they have been living this amazing, you know, godly life. And then he just, he's gone. You know, I was very mad about that. So, and on top of that, my, me and my boyfriend at the time, we got married because we had a baby. That was the right thing to do. Down here in the, we did that. And by the month after my dad passed away, my ex-husband was, went to, I lived in an apartment. I was a single mom of my, my daughter. And I had issues. Found myself. So I was able to kick that one. You know, I, so I was like, but I can drink. Like, okay, cool. Really where it started. In my, so I didn't, I would, you know, started out just drinking, just with myself. I never drank like a normal person. I continued to drink. We decided to have another baby. She's been a huge blessing. My first real job, sparkly resume, y'all. Sparkly resume. That's where I was. That explains where, I mean, I really thought I got the job. I mean, and people make fun of me for years and years afterwards. I was there for eight years. That's really when my alcoholism really took off. I, it started, you know, just drinking at night, trying to control my drinking, you know, okay, I'm only going to drink at night. I'm only going to drink wine. And then it switched to vodka. And then it got to where if I didn't do, if I, and I didn't know why, I didn't know why I was shaking. I just knew I felt. And so, you know, it's a lot of work. I've got this illness, this illness, you know, and my grandma died. You know, all those excuses that we come up with. Really, I was sick. Wanted to drink. Drinking had taken control of me. So I continued on with this path. I ended up losing that job at my first meeting. Amazing people, sober people, decided that, oh, I haven't done any of those things yet. You know, all these people have done all this crazy stuff. And, I haven't done any of that stuff. I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing. I had a DUI. Then I was sentenced to AA. Didn't hear anything. I didn't, I could not hear the similarities. All I could hear were the differences. Um, I decided to, this was going to be the first time that something, something's relationship fell apart. You know, great with that. We're better friends. Two years later, I met my husband. I go to, um, myself in all this stuff. And they were like, oh yeah, digging through my bag, throwing contraband, contraband, contraband. I'm like, oh man, dang. I think I was able to keep like two pair of pants. Like a t-shirt or something like that. They had to take the shoestrings out of my shoes, all that fun stuff. And, um, so I was there for five days. Um, on day three, I, let's say four, I guess. I started feeling a little bit better. I started feeling better, you know? And I was like, okay, I want to go home now. I'm ready to go home. I checked myself in here. I'm going to check myself out. They were like, no, you signed something, you know, when you came in here. All right. So begrudgingly, I stayed. I promised myself that I was going to go to AA. The alcohol closed. It closed. It closed. It closed. It closed. It closed. It closed. It closed. It closed. It closed. It closed. You know, Zoom meeting. I'm like, I'm not doing any of that. You know, this is just, no, I'm not doing that. So I didn't. Um, I stayed sober for maybe four months or so. Um, and then I said, okay, I can have a glass of wine. It all started with that darn glass of wine always, you know? And, but I didn't know, I didn't, I didn't know that I, I couldn't have just one glass of wine. Um, kind of didn't listen to anything that I'd heard in the rooms before. So that one glass of wine turned into a bottle of wine, turned into two bottles. And then there I go back to my vodka again. I like the flavored vodka, so I could just do straight shots. Um, and my daughters were older. The other one was in middle school. Um, my oldest daughter ended up moving in with her dad, um, because she, she couldn't live with me. I would say, oh, I'm going to be sober. I'm going to stay sober. Going to rehab twice more with a good friend and her daughter and, and, uh, we were, she didn't know that I'd be like Animal City. And I had my vodka in my Gatorade bottle before I could even say, don't she at it. She was gold-plated shit. This is good. She kept on and continued. We ended up, yeah, well, not too low. So I ended up breaking my ankle. All right. Yeah. Yeah. It was great fun. So, um, it turned out to be a huge, big deal because I drive a stick shift and so I had to call my husband who had to call his friend who, and my husband had a broken arm, so he couldn't drive my car either. I mean, so, you know, he had to get a friend to drive with him. So his friend could drive my car home. Anyway, well, during that weekend, um, me and my youngest daughter got into it. She was, she had snuck alcohol from the house we were staying at, you know, on the 50, but I know it was bad. And, um, my husband came and said to me, and two days later, um, well, actually no, right when we got home, my youngest daughter went to her death. And, um, first of all, if it don't ever says, if you don't ever tell the kid, don't tell anybody about this, there's something wrong with that picture right there, you know? Um, but she did. I'm glad she did. She, uh, told her step-mom and she told her older sister and, um, her older sister, my oldest daughter, Mackenzie called me and, um, graduation. I never want to see you again. I want nothing to do. My youngest daughter was just, her work he had to do. My family was mad at me. Everybody, I felt like I had lost everything. And so in my mind, people would be better off without. It's going to end my own life. Like, well, she's in Virginia. She can't call the cops. My thinking was completely skewed. But anyway, she ended up calling my brother who called, he lives in our County and he called 911. I didn't want to die anymore with tears rolling. And I was like, this is what I need. I need other people. I need other people that are like me. So when I got out of that, uh, that rehab facility, um, birthday, worked the steps, went into sobriety. Um, I found out that I had breast cancer. Now it was, I didn't need that kind of thing. Um, but it just moved very fast. Bam, bam, bam, bam. It's kind of like one day after another. And it just moved so fast. And I remember telling, I was saying to my sponsor, like, this is moving too fast. This is kind of scary. Like, I have a feeling you don't know anything. You don't know anything, Jenny. We didn't worry is, um, or I had a double mastectomy. The time I shared my story was a week before I started chemo. He diagnosed with cancer. And my group of ladies, the support for love I would have done without. We called for him when there was no one else there. We all have a little bit to go, but you know, only through this program, I don't have to drink, you know, not even one, not even one thought of drinking. Crossed my mind throughout this whole journey, throughout the whole cancer journey. And, um, you know, I'm just so glad. If you're here, you know, if you're new, if you're struggling, just keep coming back because this program does work. One day at a time, because that's all we've got. And that's my story. That was wonderful, Jenny. Thank you. We have asked Kristen to do the check. I'm Kristen. I'm an alcoholic. All right. Here. At, uh, well, any viewers in AA, we have a chip system to mark our time and to variety. The first one we offer is a white chip. If you're new or just coming back, you may also need a white chip. All right. We have a silver chip for 30 days. Uh, we have for two months, a bronze chip. Uh, we got for 90 days, three months. All right. Yellow, six months, sunshine chip. Nine months, hard chip to get. Blue for a year or multiple. I'm an alcoholic. I'm 14. I'm 10 as my actual sobriety date, but I haven't been here since then. I just want to let you know, Tim, this meeting has meant a lot to me throughout the years. Um, I've had to, I've not had to, I've gotten to tell my story here before. It's very nerve wracking and you did an amazing job. Thank you so much for your support. 14, if I can do it, all of y'all can do it. So thanks for letting me do it. We offer the white chip one more time. Thank you one and all for joining the blue chip speakers meeting tonight. Was the last thing I wanted to do. There ain't no denying the pain you put me through. I thought I knew you so well. Guess I have to blame myself. For letting go. For letting go. Is someone myself. Only you continue to live my thing. But I'm not gonna push through. I'll just say this side of my genitals, and I'm gonna start shaking my chest and you're not gonna be able to that level, cause I'm the one wearing some of these layers. Some of these layers just said I'm not giving up. I got this. Why do you have to sing this song like that? Well, there are a few reasons. So your song is too deep, not just goals. You know Cause you and the things you made me turned a good girl for the light you're running from the fire