Why We Don’t Judge the Sincerity of the Newcomer – Norma A.

okay my name is Norma and I'm an alcoholic so we're going to look at tradition 3 our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism hence we may refuse none who wish to recover nor a day a membership ever depend upon money or conformity any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an AA group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation. And I'm going to read some quotes from the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions book. AA is really saying to every serious drinker, you are an AA member if you say so. You can declare yourself in. Nobody can keep you out, no matter who you are, no matter how low you've gone, no matter how grave your emotional complications, even your crimes. We still can't deny you AA. We don't want to keep you out. We aren't a bit afraid you'll harm us, never mind how twisted and violent you may be. We just want to be sure that you get the same great chance for sobriety that we've had. So you're an AA member the minute you declare yourself. To establish this principle of membership took years of harrowing experience. In our early time, nothing seemed so fragile, so easily breakable in an AA group. Hardly an alcoholic we approached paid any attention. Most of those who did join us were like flickering candles in a windstorm. Time after time their uncertain flames blew out and couldn't be relighted. Our unspoken, constant thought was, which of us may be next? At one time, every AA group had many membership rules. Everybody was scared, witless, that something or someone would capsize the boat and dump us all back into the drink. Our foundation office asked each group to send in its list of protective regulations. The total list was a mile long. If all those rules had been in effect everywhere, nobody could have possibly joined AA at all. So great was the sum of our anxiety and fear. We were resolved to admit nobody to AA but the hypothetical class of people we term pure alcoholics, except for their guzzling and the unfortunate results thereof. They could have no other complication. So beggars, tramps, asylum inmates, prisoners, queers, plain crackpots and fallen women were definitely out. Yes, sir, we'd cater only to pure and respectable alcoholics. Any others would surely destroy us. Besides, if we took in those odd ones, what would decent people say about us? We'd built a fine mesh fence right around AA. how could we then guess that all those fears were to prove groundless how could we know that thousands of these sometimes frightening people were to make astonishing recoveries and become our greatest workers and intimate friends could we than foresee that troublesome people were to become our principal teachers of patience and tolerance at last experience taught us that to take away any alcoholic's full chance was sometimes to pronounce his death sentence and often to condemn him to endless misery. Who dared to be judge, jury, and executioner of his own sick brother? As group after group saw these possibilities, they finally abandoned all membership regulations. The hand of providence early gave us a sign that any alcoholic is a member of our society if they say so so how did this tradition come about how did tradition three originate david a one of our past trustees tells this story in 1940 in new york at the aa club there two policemen brought in a character. Someone who was in a lady's dress, had hat, lipstick, jewelry, hose. Policeman said, you can do more for this one than we can. AA asked, do you want to stop drinking? He said yes, but he'd also been on the needle, uppers, downers, et cetera. One AA member, Barry, said, we're not interested in all that. all we're interested in is what do you want to do about drinking? Alcohol. Do you want to quit? The man said, more than anything. Some other AA members saw Ed, the new member, and objected. Well, he might ruin our reputation. And these guys, and these were the kind of AA bums just loafing around, the lounge lizards we call them today. Well they threw him out. But the others called Bill And they said we got a problem down here Come on down So Bill takes a cab down Sees Ed And Bill says Did you ask him if he wants to stop drinking Barry said yeah But he's on the needle And Bill said again Did you asked him if you want to stop Drinking Yeah twice Barry said Do you believe he means business Bill said yeah, I have no reason to doubt them then that's all we need to hear. That's all we need to know. Bill went and got the guy brought him in to the AA club took him to the other AA members and said boys I want you to meet the newest member of AA. He needs you and you need him and that tells the whole story of how Tradition 3 came about. And out of that experience came this pamphlet, Problems Other Than Alcohol. And I'm going to read a little bit from it in a minute. In the Language of the Heart on page 223, in an article called Problems Other Than Alcohol. It says this, One of the best AAs I know is a man who had been seven years on the needle before he joined us. Thank you. But prior to that, he'd been a terrific alcoholic, and his history proved it. Therefore, he could qualify for AA and certainly did. Since then, he has helped many AAs and some non-AAs with their pill and drug problems. Of course, that is strictly his affair and there's no way in the business of the AA group to which he belongs. In his group, he's a member because, in actual fact, he is an alcoholic. So, there's another bit I want to read from one of the archivists. And this archivist, Arthur S., writes this. The man we're talking about was reported to have disappeared shortly after. Anecdotal accounts erroneously say this individual went on to become one of the best 12-steppers in New York. This story is intermingled with that of a 1937 incident, year two on the AA calendar, involving an Akron member that is discussed in the Tradition 3 essay in the 12 and 12 on page 141 and 142. So let's read about that member. He's a little bit different. And here, in the essay on Tradition III, it says on the AA calendar it was year two in that time nothing could be seen but two struggling nameless groups of alcoholics trying to hold their faces up to the light a newcomer appeared at one of these groups knocked on the door and asked to be let in he talked frankly with that group's oldest member he proved that his was a desperate case and that, above all, he wanted to get well. But, he asked, will you let me join your group? Since I am the victim of another addiction even worse stigmatized than alcoholism, you may not want me among you. Or will you? There was the dilemma. What should the group do? The oldest member summoned two others and in confidence laid the explosive facts in their laps. Said he, well, what about it? If we turn this man away, he'll soon die. If we allow him in, only God knows what trouble he'll brew. What shall the answer be? Yes or no? At first, the elders could look only at the objections. We deal, they said, with alcoholics only. Shouldn't we sacrifice this one for the sake of the many? So went the discussion while the newcomer's fate hung in the balance. Then one of the three spoke in a very different voice. What we are really afraid of, he says, is our reputation. We are much more afraid of what people might say than the trouble this strange alcoholic might bring. As we've been talking, five short words have been running through my mind. Something keeps repeating to me. What would the master do? Not another word was said. What indeed could be said? So those two stories demonstrate how Tradition III began. And now we're going to look at another part in Language of the Heart. But the question is, where would all the people who sobered up today and who some of these other AA members that initially were refused, all the people that they sobered up. Where would they be today if AA had shut the door? No matter where these new people come from, if we emphasize with them the question, do you want to get sober? That's what we focus on. In the language of the heart, there's another article, short article on page 39. And this one is called, Who is a Member of AA? Every older AA shudders when he remembers the names of persons he once condemned. People he confidently predicted would never sober up. Persons he was sure ought to be thrown out of AA for the good of the movement. Now some of these very persons have been sober for years and might be numbered among his best friends. The old-timer thinks to himself, what if everybody had judged these people as I once did? What if AA had slammed its door in their faces? Where would they be now? That is why we all judge the newcomer less and less. If alcohol is an uncontrollable problem to him and he wishes to do something about it, that's enough for us. We care not whether his case is severe or light, whether his morals are good or bad, whether he has other complications or not. Our AA door stands wide open, and if he passes through it and commences to do anything at all about his problem, he is considered a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. He signs nothing, agrees to nothing, promises nothing. We demand nothing. He joins us on his own say-so. Nowadays, in most groups, he doesn't even have to admit he's an alcoholic. he can join AA on the mere suspicion that he may be one, that he might already show the fatal symptoms of our malady. Of course, this is not the universal state of affairs throughout AA. Membership rules still exist. If a member persists in coming to meetings drunk, he may let outside. We may ask someone to take him away, but in most groups he can come back the next day, if sober. Though he may thrown out of a club, nobody thinks of throwing him out of AA. He is a member as long as he says he is. While this broad concept of AA membership is not yet unanimous, it does represent the main current of AA thought today. We do not wish to deny anyone the chance to recover from alcoholism. We wish to be just as inclusive as we can, never exclusive. Perhaps this trend signifies something much deeper than a mere change of attitude on the question of membership. Perhaps it means we're all losing our fear of those violent emotional storms which sometimes cross our alcoholic world. Perhaps it bespeaks our confidence that every storm will be followed by a calm, a calm which is more understanding, more compassionate, more tolerant than any we ever knew before. and now on page 79 in language of the heart and this is on tradition 3 when he asks are there any conditions we joyfully reply no not a one When skeptically, he comes back saying, certainly there must be things I have to do and believe. We quickly answer, in Alcoholics Anonymous, there are no mess. Cynically, perhaps, then, he inquires, what is this all going to cost me? We're able to laugh and say nothing at all. There are no dues or fees. Thus, in a brief hour, our friend is disarmed of his suspicion and rebellion. His eyes begin to open up on a new world of friendship and understanding. Bankrupt idealist that he has been, his ideal is no longer a dream. After years of lonely search, it now stands revealed. The reality of Alcoholics Anonymous bursts upon him. For AlcoholicsAnonymous is saying we have something priceless to give if only you will receive. That is all. But to our new friend, it is everything. Without more ado, he becomes one of us. Our membership tradition does contain, however, one vitally important qualification. That qualification relates to the use of our name, Alcoholics Anonymous. We believe that any two or three gathered together for sobriety may all call themselves an AA group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation. Here our purpose is clear and unequivocal. For obvious reasons, we wish the name of Alcoholics Anonymous to be used only in connection with straight AA activities. One can think of no AA member who would like, for example, to see the formation of dry AA groups, wet AA groups. Republican AA groups? Communist AA groups?" Few, if any, would wish our groups to be designated by religious denominations. We cannot lend the AA name, even indirectly, to other activities, however worthy. If we do so, we shall become hopelessly compromised and divided. We think that AA should offer its experience to the whole world for whatever use can be made of it, but not its name. Nothing could be more certain. Let us of AA therefore resolve that we shall always be inclusive and never exclusive, offering all we have to all, save our title. May all barriers be thus leveled, may our unity thus be preserved, and may God grant us a long life and a useful one. And so the next part is that only one thing messes up AA, and that's the alcoholic ego looking for self-importance. But there are no second-class members in AA. We have equality. We make second- class citizens by judging others and gossiping about it, forgetting that people might die if they don't feel welcome. And so only God can save AA from our inner divisions. AA won't be destroyed from outside, but by our inner arguments and conflicts from each other. We must lay aside desires, ambitions, and actions that would divide us. Even in how it works, it says rarely have we seen a person fail. No one fails if they have a desire to be sober, and it doesn't even have to be an honest desire, just a desire. The big book says don't brand him as an alcoholic. You might know he's an alcoholic, We know who are the alcoholics and who are not. We need to be ready to help the ones that are. We need a place where we can get help. We need it to clarify our singleness of purpose and help the one's that are not alcoholics to a place where they can get helped. I have a lot of sponsees come to me after spending a little bit of time and talking with them. I find out if they're alcoholic or not. It's amazing how many times if you ask the question, Are you an alcoholic? What answers you might get. One I sent to Al-Anon. Another one I sent to Cocaine Anonymous. I've sent a few to the dual diagnosis places. So sometimes people do have multiple problems. If they're alcoholic, I can help them with that. But I clarify that that's all I can do and I can't help them with because we're not professionals either. Love and tolerance is our code. So in conclusion, Tradition 3, these are the questions we might ask ourselves. This comes from the Grapevine Inventory. In my mind, do I prejudge some new AA members as losers? Are there some kinds of alcoholics who I privately do not want at my AA group? Do I set myself up as a judge of whether a newcomer is sincere or phony? Do I let language, religion, or lack of it, race, education, age, or other such things interfere with my carrying the message? Am I over-impressed by a celebrity, by a doctor, a clergyman, an ex-convict? Or can I treat a new member simply and naturally like one more sick human just like the rest of us? When someone turns up at an AA meeting needing information or help, even if he can't ask for it out loud, does it really matter to me what he does for a living, where he lives, what his domestic arrangements are, whether they've been to AA before or what his other problems are? And finally, as Bill sees it, the AA way of life. on page 319 from a.a today it says this the a.d traditions are neither rules regulations or laws we obey them willingly because we ought to and because we want to perhaps the secret of their power lies in the fact that these life-giving communications spring out of living experience and are rooted in love.