Why Time Alone Doesn’t Treat the Disease – Joe K.

All right. The purpose of the primetime Saturday night meeting is to talk about the reason to come to Alcoholics Anonymous, to expose alcoholism not just as a word, but as a living mind-powered disease, how the disease appears in our lives today, in order to deepen our awareness of what we are up against. Alcoholism is called ism because it is alive and functioning and needs to be treated. We discuss here strictly the disease as it manifests in each of our own personal lives. The way our behavior is this day, the way we react or look at people, places and things. We do not talk about drunkologues, yesterday's problems or blaming other people. We talk only about looking inwardly, describing how self behaves in the day we are in. I announced the format. First, we will have a speaker who will talk about the purpose of coming to AA for approximately 25 to 30 minutes. Then we will be able to talk about what is going on in AA. We will have sharing and or questions and answers. Sharing is strictly limited to three to five minutes. We want everyone to have a chance to participate. We do not allow foul language as these meetings are recorded and CDs travel all over. All right, I'm Joe. Oh, I'm an alcoholic. I know. Interesting. Nobody came tonight. Okay. We're not nervous. Empty room. All right. Well, I want to thank Ron for allowing me to speak, Astrid for asking me to talk, and all my friends that have put up with me and we talk about this stuff on a daily basis. And I'm really grateful for this message, especially for this meeting, for my friends, like I said, who helped me connect to alcoholism, ego, and self, steps one, two, and three in application. A little bit about myself. I came to Alcoholics Anonymous in 1984, and I stayed sober since then. I had a lot of experiences in AlcoholicsAnonymous. I had the opportunity to be able to talk to people and have a lot good experiences with the steps, with fellowship, with all the things, with commitments, with going to meetings, not going to meeting, things, having sponsees, having sponsors, doing all the right things that I thought I was supposed to do. A lot of good moments, a lot of not so good moments and literally the promises came true in my life. They came true in my over and over and as willing as I was to have the program in my life it was very easy for me. I've always been a drifter and it's described in step two and I guess I'm jumping way ahead because this is a formatted meeting. The reason to come to Alcoholics Anonymous for me today is that I've come to know that I have a mind-powered disease. I have an alcoholism disease and it's a disease that lives in my mind, is powered by my thoughts and I've comes to accept this and really bring this into my life as that I'd chosen it. That not any longer am I just a victim of this but I really choose it. I choose that I had alcoholism and this is how alcoholism works in my life is that it seeks to take down every one of my thoughts. It becomes my thoughts, it tells me, it talks to me. It talks to be with great authority. I hear these words here and I'm speaking these words because they mean a lot to me I came... I drifted from meetings for quite a while. I had quite a lot of time and I drift away from meetings and some things happened in my life that were just nothing out of the ordinary but they weren't really fun things that happened. End of a relationship, it was difficult for me, but it was really difficult for me because I'd separated myself from this program in such a way that had been years and years since I really had an experience with these steps. We talk about, Craig talked about having an experience, and this is the idea, is that when I was new, I was really beat and alcoholism, alcohol was still hot on my trails, And I was willing to do anything. I was as willing as the dying could be to get this thing off of my back. And I Was on fire. My hair was on fire and I wanted nothing but a pond of water to jump into. And I WAS willing. And that willingness, years of alcoholism, living with alcoholism and living with alcoholicism treated, but living with alchoholism on full force and not realizing it was operating in the background. I've been separated for so long from this God of my understanding that I really needed not just a partner when things weren't going right. And I hit a huge bottom, and I'm really grateful for this bottom that I hit. And it was about four years and a few months ago when I started coming to these meetings. I had been exposed to this message at the men's meeting. Maybe it was 2002 or 2003. And I saw people from my mainstream AA groups here, andI said, Oh, my God, this is crazy. Isn't this great? You know, and people were blown away. And I said, great. But I didn't come back. You know, I came here twice. I was like, this is awesome. You know? Put this on my to-do list. This is going to help. This will help me sometime. And I wasn't ready for prime time. I wasn'T ready for right now. And I thought, this Is severe. This Is really severe what they're talking about. And they were talking about a guy named Bob. And they weren't talking about other people. and they weren't talking about drunk logs. And I couldn't relate as much as saying, you know, hey, I'm in an AA meeting. There might be new people here. I want new people to know. You know, my mind would talk to me even in that meeting and say I want the new person to know they can not drink today and be happy. And that's the truth too. Alcoholism, I thought was these drunks that lived in my town. My parents owned a rooming house. It's an old time kind of a crash pad. But it was a big nice building full of drunks when I was a little kid. and I thought, those are alcoholics. You know, these guys were really burnt. And I loved them. And I've loved alcoholics ever since I was a little kid. I think I had alcoholism before I took a drink in the way that maybe the Al-Anon or the co-alcoholic might look at alcoholism. And I really had alcoholismo. I actually worried about these people and I visited them. You know? I would say, hey, you guys, pull up on my truck. Do you guys need any money? Got any smokes or whatever? I just had something to say to them. And it was a little character, but I thought that was an alcoholic because I was going to be a bum on the streets. But when I wound up as a bum on the street as a 19-year-old boy and I couldn't stop drinking no matter what, I could not not drink, and I had a blood alcohol level, I came to Alcoholics Anonymous like I said, very desperate. When I came here to these meetings and meetings like this four years ago, I was looking at the same words. You know, it was the Sunday meeting. It was Ron and Paul and some other people. And then Casey's Wednesday night meeting. And when I started to hear these words, I started To Hear These Words all over again. I knew the words. I knew what they sounded like. And I knew What They Meant To Me When I Drank. But I didn't realize that now I have alcoholism and it's full on. It's ruining my life. I wanted to kill myself. I was miserable. I couldn't live in my life anymore. people that really knew me for a long time were really worried and knew I was going to do myself in and they brought me to these meetings over and over like a newcomer so I came here with a lot of time a few years ago, whatever and time wasn't treating my disease that's just for me it might treat your disease when I started to really come to terms with something greater was wrong with me than what a doctor could diagnose or something, I couldn't just shake this off. You know, that this wasn't just, hey, go do a couple more panels, straighten up, fly right, get a coffee commitment, go back to, you know, and that's all good stuff. This is what AA, that's how it works. You know? Somebody needs to do those things and I'm not making fun of that. But for me, you now, those things had failed me because my alcoholism got smarter and I got sicker and it came around to loop around and say, no, that's not the healing process anymore. Don't go to the 12 steps. Do not go to those meetings. And if you go, give somebody a cake and leave. And don't get any cake on you because that might... Whatever. And I brought my book because it's the first book I looked at on my first day of sobriety. And it'sthe first page I looked at and I had never heard these words that when it says when step one says we admitted and I love how we read how I've been taught to read in these rooms that I admitted I was powerless over alcohol. Dash, that my life had become unmanageable. And that dash, you know, I was thinking about that there was a speaker the other night and we were talking about that dash like the dash on a tombstone like there's my life from 1964 to dash probably not tonight. You know, I'll bring my old higher power into it. Probably not tonight, right? And then Dash, you know, but this is my whole life now in primetime Alcox and Alcoox Anonymous with the primetime format. Now my whole live exists in this Dash and I'm so grateful that my friend brought that to my attention the other night because I'm still grateful that I'm not like, I felt like I was doing 12 steps in order to be rushed through it. I hear people talk about it like homework. Like, I'm going to do the 12 steps. You're done. You know, I've done. And then the wind just blows right through. And for me, it's never done. For some people, I hope it's done. I hope you get to just walk away and get the cash and prizes and get everything. Because I want that for you. I got the cash in prizes and lost the cash on prizes. Still today, I am getting cash on prices big time. Big time. Today was awesome. and that my life had become unmanageable. And then I hear in this meeting that I hear people talking about their thought life and I hear them admitting how their mind works and I feel reluctant because my ego wants to protect this mind. I want to protect you from knowing that my mind operates just like yours. When I hear you talk about you, it's just like me. I'm just saying, oh my God, this is how it works on me. It says don't come to the meeting, don't share i felt sick about coming to the meeting tonight after it's been chasing me around for about two years just to tell the truth instead of lying it's it's always an option you know it says capable of being honest and you know and capacity right capacity to be honest and man some days that's all i have is the capacity tobe honest brave emotional and mental disorders. And alcoholism is a grave emotional and mental disorder. I've come to know that in this room, and I'm so grateful that I can be here and be sick and be healthy and well in a moment and not hate myself and not think this is a moral dilemma because that's where alcoholism wants me. My alcoholism want me and it's a moral dilemma. You're a bad guy. Hush up. You know, it's like It just really puts me down and puts me in a hole. And that my life had become unmanageable. This idea had been introduced to me before and I really couldn't hear it until I was really beat. And I hope that if anybody's here tonight and they're really beat, they can really feel the power of this principle that my wife had become immanageble by me for the rest of my life. I have not had any success, to tell you truthfully, in managing my life I've been doing some schooling and some learning. And applying the program and having experience with studying and using my mind for something other than self-talk or a place to go hang out or kind of catalog shopping. Sometimes it's not even that bad. A lot of times I have a lot of good talk with this God that I'll talk about that I found in this program. And these thoughts are so powerful. They are so powerfully powerful that I really cannot manage this life. I cannot manage my life on the outside. I can't manage to tell myself or to say, I'm going to study in five minutes. I can block out time. I could set the table need. I could do a lot of really fun things and still I just don't get to make it happen. I've got a great amount of willpower when it comes to some things. other things I have a real aversion to there are so many good things in step one, in the twelve and twelve for me, and I don't know if I'm going to talk about all these things I just like to bring this book, it's kind of like it's a comforter to me and under the lash of alcoholism where it talks about that I'm willing to listen as the dying can be and I really see what I'm up against this lash of alkalism, I come here I come to AA to hear the lash of alkalim, I want to hear I want to hear how this thing operates in someone else's mind and how it operates in my mind today. And it wanted to do nothing but take away this great day that I had. There's these things that I'm really wanting to do in my life right now, and they're pretty healthy desires. And I get knocks on the door, phone calls of people who go, hey, you want to go do this? And the first thing that comes out of my mind is don't answer the phone. Do not. I dissociate from the phone and I flip it over. And that's what I did today. And I asked God, and I invite this power right in step two. I'm over the barrel. And I invited this power into my life today. And this is how self-behaved in my life today was that I went to this power and was able to flip the phone back over and go, hey, man, what's up? Hey, can you be somewhere in 20 minutes to come and do what your life you've always wanted to do every day of your life since you were a little boy? Well, and alcoholism says no. But then what came out of my mouth was, you're okay, I'll be there. And I actually beat him. I beat him there and he's coming from further away and I'm not saying that's me. Yeah, I am probably, but I'm saying... I had a sponsor once that said that I usually tell the truth. He used to introduce me and say he usually tells the truth on the second try. It should be fun. I mean, it really should be fine, right? Gary C. from the East Lansing group. Okay, so this idea that I need a power in my life to restore me to sanity, that I am insane, and coming out of step one and really feeling that, the power of step 1, how devastating this is that no, yeah, I finished my step work a whole bunch of times, taken guys through a whole batch of times. Had crisis, applied steps on the go, whatever that program is. Steps all the cards. I've got that program. And I'm good at it. And it works too. Those are tools, man. These are powerful tools for me. And I can only talk about me. And I cannot even talk at this meeting with self because self is going to tell me something that's going to make me think that you're going to hurt me or you're not going to like me or I'm going to engage in argument. In step two, I'm really introduced to this first character, these five different character states. And this first one's the belligerent one. And they all sort of fall into that same guy for me. You know, there is some belligerence. Not the movie with Ned Beatty, but that's deliverance. But it ends up that way. At this juncture, the sponsor usually laughs. Thank you. This whole group is my higher power tonight and my sponsor. And I believe me. And that's what that character in these two small paragraphs it's introduced to me that I believe in me and I believe en me as the spearhead of evolution. I made this up and this is how it goes. And I've been talking to me as a power my whole life. That's how it's been. I hear a voice in my head and I talk to it. And that's until I got here. Even in the great step work of whatever time period or era of my life, it still went back to that. I still went back to me and I didn't realize until it was introduced to me keep saying that word that that that was me as a power it was a circular closed system a closed mind and I'm so good at being a closed mind I have practice I can teach anyone here how to be a closed mind we can we can have a seminar yeah Yeah. Yeah. And that this, you know, and the applications that are in step two, you know, one of them, my favorite one is to stop fighting. And I don't even have the power to do that. But it says just resign from the debating society and quit bothering myself with such deep questions as whether it was the hen or the egg that came first. And this pain of alcoholism is almost always for me, maybe not anyone else, represented in pairs of opposites i like this i hate that i need this i don't have that that's going to be taken away and i'm scared no i'm not i'm angry you know and it goes downhill without getting vulgar or anything like that it gets really downhill for me um and before i know it when i'm captured by self uh alcoholism ego and self i have no choice but to go to a power greater than myself um and that can start with this meeting and sometimes when i fall off the beam it's so far that I really don't even call this thing God yet. I'll call it power. I'll called it grace, and I'm here tonight by the grace of a power. I'll come to the group. What do you think, group? Just by sitting and listening and being quiet in my mind, asking the power to help me here. I do that every week here. I try to do that. Yeah, I apply that every weekend. I get a percentage. I get these sort of percentages. I don't leave that up to the committee. We just kind of do that afterwards. You know, applying these principles in my life has been a movement that there's nothing in my recovery or my whole life has ever come close to it. I thought the AA step work was done, like I said, and then I felt really lost. I felt very lost because I was still in a lot of pain. And I have so many good moments in days like today. You know, there was this, there's these ideas of all these different characters. And this one, this defiant character is a character that's so ingrained in me that I can come to a meeting. And I came here, I drove all the way here from wherever. I came hier from a lot of states away. And then I can comes here and like I said, you know, all I hear is the clapping at the end. and this thing really can capture my mind and really take away chunks of my life and has. And I'm grateful today that I've been present quite a bit, been pretty worried about talking to you tonight and thinking about each time I say, oh, I should say that, of going to God. So it's been like a heavy lifting kind of step two kind of day of going, God, did you hear what I just said? Did you hear what my mind's producing? You know, can you be with me now? What can I do for my partner? She's out there working in the shop or something. Or is there something else I can do? Can I have a good thought about someone else? Instead of thinking about me, me, and me. Because that's the song that goes on all the time. If unless I invite this power. So in step two, I'm starting to talk to this power I'm inviting a power to experience things with me that's always with me. And today was a day like that where I'm doing this thing that I love to do so much and it's crazy beautiful for me. It's like really, really good. It is following my bliss, absolutely. And I'm inviting this power with me because I'm scared and excited and there's all these different things. These emotions come up and I don't really trust my emotions so much. I feel emotions and I ask the power to be with me. I ask God to be avec me. When I feel an emotion, I don't necessarily follow it if I'm with a power. I'm not going to go down that road, but I had these experiences today that were joyous and really happy and wholesome and this growth is... These things that I'm learning, this growth, it's really rhythmic and it's like just a little bit at a time. It's three steps forward, one step back. It's really humiliating and humbling in a good way. And so I keep inviting this power into my life with me today and it was an amazing day that I can only give credit to that power in the program that we're talking about tonight. The method. This defiant character that I am, you know, I can hire a teacher. I can pay someone to help teach me and the first thing that I say to them is no. No. No. Don't teach. And the clock's ticking and money's flying or whatever's going on. You know, it's how much money can we shred in the next hour? Or it's somebody who's helping out of the goodness of their heart, and then I feel doubly. Then all shame and self-doubt comes in the back door. And those are a couple of real wicked character defects for me. And I'm really grateful for this program, the way it's introduced to me as a doing thing today. It's something, what can I do with step two today? I can talk to this power all day. I can tell the power, this power is my friend today. I can show the power anything I want to. like I'm scared about this or I'm happy about that. And I asked for quiet a lot today and I got some quiet. It was a good day. It was good quiet days some of the time. The other times it was a lot of heavy lifting. And I love at the end of step two that it says, therefore, step two is the rallying point for all of us. And this looks like a rallying part tonight, that's for sure. Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can stand together on this step. true humility and an open mind can lead me to faith. And every AA meeting is an assurance that God will restore me to sanity if I rightly relate myself to Him. And that's when I find myself in any meeting, anywhere, knowing that this power is in this room, it's in this program, and it's so powerful. And it's more powerful than any power I can come up with. For me, it's what governs the oceans, brings in the tides at the right time, bringing babies, taking care of us. Everything. It's a beautiful thing. I don't need to manage my life when I find a power like this in my life right now, even in this meeting right now. I have no business trying to manage my life because it's going a lot better than I thought. One more time again, you know? One more times again. And that was my big realization with sort of a step two realization when I got loaded and things worked out for me with the right stuff and the right staff, the one spiritual awakening that I almost always had was I've had it all wrong. I've been in control of a life where I've done everything upside down and backwards. And then step two, when I feel this power in my life, I've heard it all right. I've said, I've got it all wrong. I've held my hands on the steering wheel. I've felt like I'm in control of a whole life that really wasn't mine to begin with. Especially after I got sober and stayed sober. It's a lot of grace going on. Obviously, I'm coming into step three because that's part of our talk, part of my life. Part of our format. And making a decision to turn my will in life over to the care of God as I understood Him. And God as i understood Him... I've been thinking a lot about that lately. Somebody spoke, it was a while ago, So a couple weeks ago, I don't know. I'm warped. I have a warped mind. I shouldn't go there. I've got to work. Oh, really? Getting close. Okay, I'm getting real close to the end. We're going to knock it down and get out of here. You know, they were talking about, as I understood Him, is it God or a power that I understand? Like I said, that step two is working in my life today. the way it is. It's kind of a healthy garden. It's being watered. It's been fed. There's sunlight. It's a nurtured place for me. It's somewhere that's going on. And it's not virtuous. For today, it was circumstantial. It was very circumstantional. I need this power. I need a will that's better than my will. I really do. I really don't know. I'm grateful for that. And that I understood this power today. Today, I had an experience with this power And this is how the power presented itself today, was that if I didn't do what it was I thought I should do, I was going to have an experience that was better than what I could produce. And that's what happened today. I'm not saying that that's What I Wish happened today or if I could have went back and done today different, you know, do damage control on the day. You know, that's how today went. Today went really, really super neat. It was really neat. and asking a power to care for my life and my will becomes a concept that needs to be done for me. It becomes a practice. It calls it an affirmative action that I can cut away self-will which has always blocked the entry of God or if you like, a higher power into my life. This affirmative action, this positive thing that I'm going to not only invite this power into myself my life. But I'm going to ask this power, will you care for me? Will you care for my life and my will and my life? You know, we talk in these rooms. Sometimes I hear people say my thought life. My life is not my living. It's not my stuff. We care for my car. You know we care for our lives. We care for my wife, me. This the real life to not even this chatter. That's myself. That's that's that self. This is the step two where it's like I'm really turning self over to this and I love that I'll call them ego and self kind of for me go along with steps one two and three um that self has been the problem and it's always been the problem um and here I am at step three asking a power asking God will you care for this will you cares for me will you cared for my life and my will and a lot of time I'm asking this power for knowledge of its will for me and the power to carry it out because my will has been shown to me, like I said, to be at least a few degrees off from from a good time. It's like a little bit less than a good timing, meaning that if I have a good timet, probably been an ego feeding proposition of some sort. It had probably been something that I ate it. I'm here for my life tonight that's that's all i can say um and i did take step three on my knees with my sponsors several times i'd say that i say that just because there's nothing wrong with that the big book saved my life the absolute uh uh carl call it the initial application you know that saved my life and made it possible for a absolute diehard little alcoholic who couldn't i could not say no to a drink, it made it possible for me to not drink. Alcoholics Anonymous relieved my obsession to drink and this program now is just blossoming. Step three happens for me all the time. This mental or emotional independence is in question how differently I behave. I am a power in my life. And it's hard for me to see that, you know, that those words self can't reveal self to self pops up. But the truth is, is that I see it a couple weeks later. You know, on average, I see how I behaved or what I said. And it creates a great first step. But it also creates this if I'm not coming to a power and a method, it creates a backlog of shame and guilt. And alcoholism loves that. My friend said, you know, alcoholism loves to keep me right there on medium low, but don't hit bottom because then I'm going to need to get help. You know, I don't do not don't hit bottom. And that's I am so grateful for steps one, two and three in my life. Alcoholism, ego and self in this format and the idea of building an awareness of how this disease functions And today, I don't mind being in this life at all. And sometimes I really love this life. You know, one moment at a time. Primetime is now. Thanks. The seventh tradition is observed. Would someone like to come up and read the seventh tradition? I mean the twelve traditions yeah, yeah, sorry blackout blackout speaker guy want to read? come on up and read oh, he's coming sorry good shift again oh no sorry good evening oil alcoholic the twelve tradition or common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon AA unity. Two, for our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority, a loving God as he may express himself in our group conscious. Our leaders are but trusted servants they do not govern. Three, the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Four, each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole. Five, each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Six, an AA group hath never endorsed, financed, or lent the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige be diverse from our primary purpose. 7. Every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions 8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional but our service centers may employ special workers 9. AA as such ought never be organized but we might create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve 10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the AA name has never been drawn into public controversy. 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films. 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation all traditions ever reminded us to place principles before personalities more things happen. Okay, who would like to start sharing? A Scott alcoholic, everybody. Hey Joe, that was great, man. We kind of go back a little ways into our nicotine days. of nicotine anonymous, so I'm grateful for that. But I guess it's anonymous anymore. So but I want to talk a little bit about first of all, was a great share. Thank you so much. It was really right on. You know, you talked about the thought process in the day and the mind that works for me in a day routine is one of those that really can get me in trouble. And I love the fact that we address that here in prime time, because for me, when the thought turns into the emotion, when I get emotional by that thought, whatever that is, it certainly then is grabbed by the ego. And the ego then will run with it and it's like the way I've talked about here before the train leaves the station before you know it, I'm then lost for the whole day. So what I end up trying to do is before that thought comes in or before that turns into an emotion, either sad or anger or pissed off or whatever the feeling, excuse my friend, whatever I'm feeling, before it turns into emotion, I try to snag it before that with my power, with God. And Emmett Fox talks about this in The Golden Key. in regarding, you know, there's no power but God. And really what it does is it brings me back to the center right here, right now. And before that thought turns into that emotion, which then your ego grabs on and the next thing you know I'm done, I really have practiced that enough and it builds up through the natural ability for me to feel like I'm safe. I'm save within my day. And you touched a lot about that because my thoughts, man, that's really what took me down from this. And I could not stay sober, I'm sure, if I hadn't found this idea of prime time because I was really wanting no more to do with the drunk-a-log or the drug-a log or any of that because it just became too much for me to handle. I didn't know how to process that mind. How am I dealing within my day? Because I knew that alcohol and drugs could take care of that. I knew it could. But until I recognized the mind, emotion, ego, I have to snag it with a power greater than myself before it gets into emotion. So thanks for letting me share. Hey, what's up? I'm Drew and I'm an alcoholic. So, yeah, thanks for your share, man. I really like the medium-low analogy. That's a good one for sure, dude. So, alcoholism in the day that I'm in. It's interesting how, in sobriety, I function in a comfort zone. Very similar to the way that when I was using, I would function in a comfort zon, which is like a certain radius or block or routine. That is my comfort zone, and today I kind of stepped out of that comfort zone to go to the beach. It's interesting how driving to the beach can put me in alcoholism, you know. And I really had an opportunity to work with my higher power today and take my higherpower to the Beach with me, but it's a trick, this mind, this ism, because I'm at the beach and my head, as I'm laying there and I'm next to the ocean, the waves are coming in, my mind is so loud that i can't even hear the ocean and that was a real trip for me to get to that place where i had this awareness where i'm looking at my mind from a different perspective where i am able to see that it's creating this noise because there's this other entity that's creating noise and i'm able to say alright my mind making this noise and then And I'm able to come to this place where I can hear the ocean for a while. And then my mind starts talking again. And I was able to see it jump around in these quadrants, you know, whether it's the past or the future. And to keep, it was almost like the ocean would drag me into the present with the noise that it was creating. But it was just really interesting how I really got to see today how loud my mind can be in the moment that I'm in. and uh it it was drowning out the ocean that was that was a learning experience for me um i'm so my ego i and myself is so resistant to the present moment and i feel that there's almost a fear to just sit there on the beach and let myself just be you know because in that space my mind is jumping around and and you know it's like creating like you were talking about like my mind can attach itself to something and then that thought becomes an emotion and it's it's a trip to watch it because it it jumps from one thing and from that thought it can come into another thought and it just it's just a real trip to Watchmen and you know I was able to feel the tension as I was laying there in this this mind was doing this and I was to just surrender I was able to see it and feel it and just surrender and relax and get some relief in the moment that I was in and you know it's it was almost like a like a meditation like for me to sit out there in the sun by the ocean for an hour it was a practice for me because I need to be busy I need to I need it to constantly be staying away from my mind in the present moment and uh you know it was it was great day it was good practice and um just really thankful for this meeting and the message at this meeting. Thank you. Hello, Richard Alcoholic. I'm actually very, very grateful to Primetime. This is my fourth meeting and just a little bit I've learned. I have seven and a half years but the little bit that I've been able bit I've learned in four weeks is, I actually think it's changed my life. You know, I pray steps one, recently I began to pray steps one two and three upon awakening and I just wanted to share the day it actually happened. I was doing a little public service work this morning and a cranky old man came by and was a security guard and he was being cranky And it ticked me off I said, Uncle, we're functioning in the law He said, I said Okay, boss He said Yeah, boss My boss will be by here at 2 o'clock to talk to you I said All right, boss And then he drove away in his little security car And then all of a sudden You know, because I had prayed That, you know, made a decision to turn And all of a sudden, God showed up and started. And then I just, I was able just to let it go because I actually had turned my will earlier this morning over to God. And these are events that were unfolding that God was totally in charge of. And it was amazing to me that I was actually able to live in the moment and turn it over because my mind is loud also like the gentleman before me. It's incredibly loud. And I also wanted to say, I realized because of this program, on my way driving here, I felt like I had told my lady, my best friend, that, you know, I could use a lot more money. And I realized while sitting here right now that I'm exactly where I need to be. and God is working his perfect character and faith and molding me to from the inside out to the deepest parts of my inside to be in his image by the power greater than myself. And I owe it to the first seven and a half years but I'm able to really grasp this because it's a prime time for outlining how important the first three steps are. That's what I wanted to tell you. OK. You didn't have your hand up just just to make sure that you're here and I'm so excited Hi, my name's Kay. I'm an alcoholic. Wow, well, Sue, great hearing you, Joe. You know, alcoholism is incurable, progressive, and deadly. But I don't need to die of this disease, and I don'T need to suffer from this disease anymore as long as I know what the problem is because the problem was always you. My first five years of the program, you were always the problem. The meeting wasn't good enough. My sponsor, well, she was just so-so. You know, the people in the meeting, the speaker was lousy. It was always out there. Now that I know that the problem is me, then there's a solution. And the solution is always the same. I remember I was going to Ted's meeting on Saturday for like years and hearing this over and over and over again. Then one time Dan said, well there's a lot of different problems but there's one solution. And I said, what? I needed to know what that solution was. This is like after years. And he said, God. Oh yeah, yeah, that's right, that' s right. It's a hard message to hear. But if you do what that gentleman just did You know, there's a quote from Confucius that says, I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. If you just try to do one thing every day, it will change you. The reason why I know that is it changed me. There's nothing special about me. I just decided to do what somebody else said to do without going to my head and debating it first. Thank you for letting me share. And happy birthday. My name is Ron, and I am an alcoholic. Joe and I communicate with each other quite often. The other day, maybe I should preface it, every afternoon between 2 and 3, I'm driving the 405 freeway from Valencia out to LAX to get from one job to another commitment. So I kind of live on that freeway during the week. And the other day a couple weeks ago, I had been on a phone call for the first, call it 10 miles, and I'm going up the hill and right about the Skirball Center there's a lot of traffic going on. And I look up and they're doing construction. Three in the afternoon they'redoing construction on the freeway. So this is a real go-to-God moment because I can't afford construction to be going on the Freeway. I've got to be at this other place at such and such a time. So I talked to God and there I am stuck. And so I just kind of chilled for a moment and then I remembered I hadn't answered my voice messages. So I looked at the phone and there's a voice message from Joe. And it's from about six hours earlier. He called probably about 3... No, it was about 7, 738 or something like that. and so I'm listening to the voice message and Joe says Hi Ron, this is Joe it's 8 in the morning and I'm on the freeway trying to drive up to Skirball Center and the freeways really clog true story same day 6 hours apart same spot and so he's talking about what he's doing in that moment talking to God to be in a good place so he can stay on that freeway, be okay in his own skin, not have to be like this. And I was cracking up. And so I called Joe. We actually... I was probably in traffic there for another good 25 minutes or so. We had a really nice conversation. And when we talk, it's always about how did I find God today? What did I do? How did I reinvent my program in the day that I'm in? Because Joe has, you know, he talked about the fact that he got sober in 1984. You know, if time were the fix, he'd have it made by now. You know? So the deal is every single day what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition. So what are we doing in the day that we're in to reconnect with that power? Because the very minute that I'm back with that power, a shift, a psychic change happens. And it really doesn't matter if I'm stuck in traffic or what's going on. I'm in a safe place. I'm at a place of peace and life is good. That simple. Thank you. I'm an alcoholic. My name's Gary. Thanks, Bill. That was so clear. I mean, even my mind couldn't tear that one apart. Last night was kind of really hectic. I've been going through some stuff, and in the sober living I'm in, they had new management, and they had some new guys move in, and a few months ago they had a bed bug infestation in the back. I got it cleared up. I went and house sat this past week and came back, got a new mattress put in and then bam! You talk about alcoholism in the mind and OCD and everything. And I went to God and He said, move over and share. That's what I got back in my mind and I've just been going crazy. It's really bothersome. That will get your mind going and talking to yourself, trying to deal with that. But the thing is, I can't let it affect me and just keep on trudging. So that's what's been happening on that end. But in the past little over a year, I've been going through some stuff and I've be finding out there's three levels that I get from God. I get His mercy, I get His grace and get some favor. And those three words are real powerful and I can't afford to get those confused. And lately I've missed some meetings I haven't been doing my writing and I picked it up the past few weeks because of all the stuff my mouth got me into and my thinking because my mouth is quicker than the alcoholism. By the time I get it See, I was told the other day, Mickey had told me, he goes, Gary, it's not anything you do that ever gets you in trouble. It's your mouth that gets you into trouble, nothing you do. And that's quicker than my alcoholism. By the time I get past that, I finally see it and get to the solution. I've already got wreckage that's six months behind me with the racy thoughts and everything that's going on. and so I got back to writing and my friend Pato Bantan you know, I went to his website he's got this little Step 11 thing that's helping me out and I've been for the first six months I was just writing you know sharing what I thought and then I started reading and reading what they were writing especially when they got to the lie to me that's why I like that second chance thing and and they're talking about the kids and I found out something new for my life that reading is a principle the same as listening is a principal for the same purpose. One's auditory, one's visual. I'm a visual kind of guy to picture taking so it's helping me connect so that I can use the ears a little better as I use the eyes that God has me use without any distraction and so I've been reading and responding and I see the pictures on the Facebook of the people I see at the concerts and now I'm getting to know them for them, allowing them to be them instead of seeing faces. So now I'm seeing the effects and the experience of what listening by reading can do for me in my life and allowing people in to allow them to be them and see the God in them. So his little Pato Bantam Ministries is helping me in step 11 that I've always balked about. You know? And so it's wonderful. Thanks. And it's all because of you guys. Carl. My name is Carl, I'm a real alcoholic, and thank you for the message. Happy birthday to all the birthday people. Welcome to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm, I guess, a little remiss tonight, anyway, or right now, to say welcome to prime time because all we're doing here in this meeting, this AlcoholicsAnonymous meeting, is just a different way of transmitting a message, you know, so that you don't get confused if you're new. I mean, you're sitting there and you're like me in the first 30 days and you're trying to figure out, yeah, this is all neat sounding stuff you guys are talking about, but how in the hell am I going to keep from taking a drink tonight? How am I gonna get to sleep tonight before I take a drink without taking a drank? And you're talking about building a new character and what your head was telling you today and the kind of day you had. It's kind of hard to relate to it. Is anybody here in their first 90 days of sobriety? Yeah, there's quite a few of us. It's an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Yeah, we talk kind of weird up here. I'm fond of saying that one of two things happens when you come to primetime. Usually what happens is you will wind up saying, yeah, this is real nice information, kind of alluded to it, and then you'll leave here and run screaming into the night never to be heard from again. Or if you're in enough pain from self-whooping the you-know-what out of you in sobriety. If you're one of those sufferers in recovery, like you talk about in the first paragraph in the 12 and 12, then you'll probably say like I did, oh my God, this is what I've been looking for. How come nobody ever told me about this before? One of those two things generally happens when you come to this meeting. I like what you shared about being in that place, that jumping off place you talk about in the big book where one more panel isn't going to fix it. And making coffee isn't gonna fix it either and greeting people at the door isn't gonna fix it and getting a few more phone numbers isn't gonna fix it and doing busy busy stuff and tap dancing your butt off just isn't gonna fix what's ripping you to pieces on the inside and you've got many many years maybe underneath your belt gives a whole new meaning to the phrase over any considerable period of time we get worse never better and we're talking a lot here tonight about unmanageability that's a big part of why it feels so weird you had talked about the initial application versus the ongoing what we talk about here mostly is the ongoing application but I tend to ask a lot of times about the people that are here in their first 90 days because you know I'm I never wanted to get up here and say it's not about drinking. It was all about drinking when I got here. It was what I could think about. And I was trying to figure out a way not to think about it. So, I'm a real big fan of the Big Book. What I got from prime time? Probably, I got so much here when I came here 15 years ago. But I was sitting there listening to other people and I was thinking about phrases like spiritual kindergarten probably the most important thing I learned from Bill Wilson's writings. I also got from Bill Wilson's writing a thing that he talked about, though you be but one man with this book in your hand, we believe and hope it contains all that you will need to begin. You know, in the early days, and I heard the bill, when people first came here to AA, there were no sponsors or meetings to go to. You had to just kind of take the big book and figure it out on your own. So if If you are a little confused, please see me or some of the other people around here after the meeting. Some of us like to go over to Hamburger Hamlet. We talk a little bit more about what we're talking about here and how you can make an initial application to get the obsession to drink off of you. Because if that doesn't happen first and foremost, that's why it's the primary purpose, you'll never get a chance to get to all of the neat stuff that we talk about here in prime time. It is part of the message, but step one still has two parts. So thanks for me sharing. Paul Great share, my name is Paul Great for the alcoholic I came to these rooms of prime time Of suffering Alcoholic and recovery Until I started walking And talking and applying these steps And owning up to everything in my life I didn't care about none of y'all And Lately Today I Probably saved two lives A guy called me earlier Wanting to drink and I talked him out of it And I'm helping this Woman up the street that's kicking heroin And before that I didn'T care about what anybody was saying It was about self, self,self And the more now I try to get out of self And help people Is keeping my recovery going And I'm on fire for this thing So like the people in your first 90 days You may hurt right now I came in here hurting Ready to break fools off From the net And Now it's all about love and tolerance man Keep that code going Thanks My name is Frank, I'm a recovering alcoholic and let's see how do I start this? In 23 years I'm coming up on my first year and it's been a while good to see you um you know it's a lot of ins and outs um a lot of times i'd hear about that revolving door and i knew i was it i knew I was at revolving door and i would i was never gonna stop drinking stop picking up that pipe and uh you know i usually go to skid row i don't know about you, but Skid Row just seems to have everything right in one spot. You know, one stop, right? And, you know, and to make it even worse for an addict, the last time out there was a storefront that actually you could walk into this store right across the street from the jail and by crack and walk out with it in your bag. Anyway, so thank God I didn't stick around for that one. That would have been easy. You know, first time, I've got ten and a half months now, and I'm coming up on that first year. And I'm up here to share that for anybody that's sitting out there that's having a hard time, that you're thinking that you can't do it. You know, I guess one thing I can tell you that what happened to me is I just let go and let God. And I ceased fighting everything. And I had no reservations. I don't think. At times I thought I did, but then I went to a meeting and I'd hear somebody say that it was just a thought and remind me. So, you know, it can be done and, you Know, it's only ten and a half months but for this addict alcoholic you know that's a hell of a long time I was coming in and you know getting chips and I was you know throwing them away what I should have done who saved him and started a store opened up so if you're having a hard time and you want to know what a relapse might look like or sound like or feel like coming at you, I might know a little bit about that. So thanks. Secretary's announcements. Thank you.