Why the Traditions Mean More to Him Than the Steps – Johnny H.

My name is Johnny, and I'm an alcoholic. God, I'm used to a little better introduction than that. But I love you. I want to thank Shirely and the committee for extending the privilege of me participating in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting my opinion, I hope has always remained such that it's some type of a privilege to be coming to sit with you good people I hope I don't ever get it through my sick head that I have a right to everything that goes on in Alcoholics Anonymous. Just because I stumbled into a room a long time ago and got sober and been able to stay that way I love the traditions I've loved them since I was new in Alcoholics Anonymous because my sponsor made me talk to him and my sponsor they talk about it all the time Clancy and I talk about a great deal today the traditions mean more to me than the steps do and the reason that is true is if I If I don't try to adhere to the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm going to get drunk. But if we don't start living by the traditions of Alcoholic Anonymous we're all going to be drunk. We're all having a great weekend. This is a beautiful place. There's a great committee and the whole situation. But it would not be possible if it hadn't been for the traditions of Alcoholix Anonymous being accepted by our fellowship in 1950. Now when I was new most of you know that I took a drink at an early age and my first drink led me to an institution and my last drink led me to another. I went to an institution and I sat in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous one day and some guy walked into AlcoholicsAnonymous and told me I don't have to live like that anymore and that was somewhere near 44 years ago and he introduced me to a book called Alcoholics Anonymous and told me to go home and pray that maybe I'd find some part of me in that book and I have tried to be a student of that book Alcoholics Anonymous from that day to this day and my early days in Alcoholics Anonymous were spent with a lot of misgivings because I didn't understand what was going on. I didn' t understand why anybody would take time out of their busy lives to come and see a sop like me and if you really want to know I was just an arrogant kid anyhow. I just hated everything that moved and I spent the last 8 or 9 months of my life in a cell in solitary confinement in a maximum security penitentiary, so I was really not primed meat for the desert powwow, if you want to really know the truth. I had no future, I had uh, no hope of future, every dream I've ever had has been gone and somebody introduced me to this book and I took this book, and for the next 19 months of my life, I applied this book, at least the principles that are outlined in the book and the action that the book says. And miraculous things started happening to me. I started to sit in a room with a guy one day and took what they said was an inventory in his book. I was doing a fifth step with him. I heard myself say that I was an alcoholic. And from way down deep in me, this thing came out. It's kind of a feeling that I carry with me today that it lets me know exactly what's wrong with me. From that moment to this moment, I have never had a doubt in my mind what's going on with me, what's happening to me. What's wrong? Not I'm an alcoholic and I suffer from a disease called alcoholism. I am not an alcoholic and anything. When I was an alcoholic and something or other, I couldn't have this program and the reason I couldn'T have it is I separated me from you. And I walked out of a penitentiary on the fourth day of June 1961 to a world I really knew nothing about whatsoever, armed with only the facts that came out of this book. Not really sure that I believed people or trusted people with a dream that maybe someday you would allow me the privilege of coming and sitting in your meetings. And I took a little vow to myself that day that is still very strong within me today that if you will allow me the privilege of coming in here and sitting with you I'll do anything you ask me to do. And it's kept me in good stead for over 43 years of my life. And I went to a meeting one night, and I ran into a guy, or he ran into me, because I wasn't looking. His name was Norm Alpey, and he said, I'm going to be your sponsor. I said, what's that? Book don't talk about no sponsor, baby. Can you imagine how arrogant that was? just walked out of a penitentiary. I ain't got enough money to buy a hummingbird or racing suit, but I've got all that arrogance of alcoholics. And I don't know what's going on. And so I said to him, okay, you know, I'm game for most anything. What do you want me to do? He looked at me and said, why do you ask me? I said, for Christ's sakes, you just told me you're going to be my sponsor. He said, if I can't run my life, Johnny, what makes you think I can run yours? I said okay then what am I supposed to do he said why don't you do what I do I said what is it you do he said if you do what I say and I said if I do then you'll know what I'd do and so I had to file out and finally do it I didn't have a car I didn' t have a driver's license he wouldn't let me have a card it was all these kind of things he told me to go to work and get a job and I did that and I'd have to call him up and take me to meetings and I would go to meetings with him and he was always speaking anyhow You know, and I'd walk in behind the speaker waving. And one night, I never will forget this. I was kind of cute. I'm maybe six, seven, eight months, maybe even a year sober. I'm really getting cute. You know how sober you are. A year out of penitentiary, I'm already getting kind of acute. You know the old ego is coming back and I'm sharp. I've got a couple of clothes now and a little money in my pocket and I am working. And I'm back at the literature table at coffee break, Norm speaking. And they started to read the traditions. Well, that don't mean nothing to me. I mean, come on, that's to the group. I hear them say that all the time. That's tothe group. And so I finally wandered in about the time this was before chanting. when AA members just sit there and try to listen so they wouldn't disturb anybody else. I just want to tell you, I'm not judging anything. I'm just reporting. And so I kind of slid down there about the time they got to principles before personalities, which is about as much as I knew about their traditions. And I sat there and listened to him speak and on the way home that night he said to me, Johnny. And I said, yeah, Norm, what do you want? He said, how'd you like the meetings? I said it was fine, Norm. You gave a great talk. Which you're supposed to say to your sponsor. You give a great talk. Well, not to him. Because he said how do you like their traditions? I said, oh, they're all right. They're to the group what the steps are to the individual. He said where do you get this nonsense? He says, you told me once upon a time in our book Alcoholics Anonymous one of the first identifications you had was Bill Wilson. And I said, that's true. Identified with him not while he was a drunken lotter or a stockbroker because of the four horsemen of terror and bewilderment that he came to when he sobered up. I said yes. He says you know that Bill Wilson wrote The Twelve Traditions because of a personal weakness within himself. and if you're an alcoholic you have those weaknesses in you God that took on a whole new life and he said to me why don't you go home Johnny and look the traditions up and try to apply them to your life as an individual and see what experiences you have with them Jesus they took on a whole New Man because you see my common welfare comes first it has to because if I can't stay sober, nothing else matters. And the whole welfare of my life depends upon the unity of Alcoholics Anonymous. The unity. I canít stay sober by myself. I proved it for 20-some years of my live, in and out of one institution after another. All kinds of therapeutic things, high-pressure fire hoses, beatings, stabbing, shots, the whole thing. I proved that I cannot stay sober on my own hook. So if Alcoholics Anonymous does not unify itself and stay unified, I don't have a prayer. And neither does anybody else. So it becomes very, very, sehr important to me that my recovery depends upon the unity of Alcoholics Anonymous. If there's no unity, I'm not going to be able to do anything. I don' t like controversy in any way, shape or form. I'm not a big fan of gossip, although sometimes I dwell in it. But I know that's not touching any of you giants. But it happens. I mean, just the way it is. And, you know, the second tradition is very simple. I'm going to read it because I don't have anything memorized. in Alcoholics Anonymous it said for our group purpose or for my group purpose there is only one ultimate authority in Alcoholic Anonymous a loving God has expressed himself through our group conscience now what that means to me basically is that whatever the group is and I I have two groups that I'm very very close to one on Monday and one on Wednesday. And the unity of that group and the ultimate authority of that group has to come from a power greater than myself. And I have to recognize that, even if I don't like what's going on there. Even if I don' t like who got elected secretary. Even if i don't' like the speakers that the secretary is getting. Even if don't the bad coffee that I'm making. No matter what. But I don't have anything to say about that. I have to sit there and enjoy the group conscience because, after all, I have been sober for a while, and Clancy reminds me of this every once in a while. The newcomers do watch us if we've been sober for a little period of time. And what we do affects the newcomers. We may not know it, but that's the group conscious. I'm not one of these people, if something goes wrong in my group and I don't like it, I'm not going to pack up and go get another group. I've had that happen a couple of times. I've heard people stand outside of our group and say to me, let's go start another meeting. I don' t like that secretary. I say, I didn' t vote for him. Well, how did he get elected? He said, somebody else did. What are you going to do? I said, no. The great thing about the groups that I'm affiliated with, the ones that mean the most to me is we have rotation. And the structure and the discipline in that group has been for such long standards, 40 years, 35 years. All those structures are in place so one individual cannot destroy the structure of that group. Or the group conscience of the group runs the thing. That's what it's all about. And I guess the most devastating thing, the thing that will probably destroy our unity more than anything else is third tradition. this says the requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking that's not what the long form says the long form says we used to refuse entrance to anyone who wishes to recover from alcoholism that's not a desire to stop drinking I hate reading things but I want to read you a little something I think this is very important because some guy gave this to me. I think my friend Norm gave this to me I would just want to read the highlights of it it says the focus on AA is on the alcoholic and we ought to respect their perfect right to adhere to their own traditions and protect that focus if we cannot use language consistent with that we ought not go to their meetings and undermine that atmosphere here. That s a highlight from a newsletter of Narcotic Anonymous. They, like us, have a singleness of purpose. And like Ralph was talking about it last night, the main purpose of any Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is to build a bridge of understanding from the newcomer sitting in the back of the room to the podium or to the front row or to wherever there was in Alcoholics Anonymous, they can walk across it. That's why we share our experience, strength, and hope in Alcoholic Anonymous. Because there has to be identification there or we're hopeless. And if we don't stick to the singleness of purpose, what these traditions really bring out more all in all in All in All In All, to me, if I don't sit to my singleness of purpose I am going to perish. I can't go off and start talking about something I have no experience in Well, I could talk about using drugs, I guess. But I'm an alcoholic and I suffer from a disease called alcoholism. And my main focus has to be on Alcoholics Anonymous and the program of recovery here in it. I probably use more drugs than anybody you've ever known, for Christ's sake. But it's got nothing to do with my alcoholism and I have another something to read here. I love this little pamphlet it's a little blue pamphet and it was written by somebody we should all know a guy by the name of Bill Wilson here are the membership requirements can a non-alcoholic pill or drug addict become an AA member no can such a person be brought as a visitor to an open meeting for help and inspiration yes if so should these non-alcoholic pill or drug users be led to believe that they have become AA members and he said no can a pill or a drug taker who also has a genuine alcoholic history become an AA member yes and you're looking at one in our book Alcoholics Anonymous in one of the stories somewhere way back there in Akron a long time ago when they were having trouble with this membership thing. I remember the story goes like this, that this guy came in who had a different affliction and the members were all worried about him. Oh, we're all worried he's different than we are. They had the cart before the horse. Now my case is different. In those days, they told you you were different. There's a difference. And they said they didn't know what to do with it, and Dr. Bob said to them, What would the master do? Now where a lot of people stop is right there. If you will continue to read what Dr. Bob said or what that story said, it said very simply this, that this man became a tireless worker among workers and never one time ever mention his affliction ever again. Now that's powerful stuff. Not one time can he ever mention his afflication again. Thank God I got to study the book Alcoholics. Thank you, God. Thank you my sponsors. Thank you to my group members that I have been privileged to people like this who were very aware that a guy like me needs to have all this at his fingertips and the experience to make it go with it. It's an amazing situation to me. I sit here all the time. Clancy and I sit side by side on Wednesday night, and we hear people get up there talking about shooting up and snorting up and cocking up and hooking up. And Clancy looks at me and says, are you identifying? I said, no. He said, me either. Every once in a while, I sit in a meeting being a spiritual giant than I am, and I don't like what's going on, and I guess Clancy must think I'm praying over there because I say Jesus Christ where did this one come from it's true and it's not so much that I can't or my sponsor can't with years of sobriety and other people who have been sober for a period of time can't overcome that thing but let's never lose sight of why we're here to stay sober and carry the message to the newcomer not to strut around and be something special not to ignore the newcomers gather up with only our friends that's not why I'm here I have never forgot what I was like sitting on the back row of that meeting on the 4th day of November 1959 and if these people who brought Alcoholics Anonymous to me hadn't exhibited some type of attraction to me you'd have a different talker here today these people came to me beyond scope I didn't understand them they come to me unannounced and what Ralphie was talking about last night they just put their arms around me and loved me back to life I love Alcoholics Anonymous I wanted always to be here always to be here and I'll tell you why I got four grandkids one of them just made the bucket for the first time at jail in case you don't know and he may be headed this way I don't hope not I don' t ever want him to have to come to Alcoholics Anonymous I really don' T it's not that I wouldn't want him to enjoy the benefits that we have received in AlcoholicsAnonymous not at all the joy and the happiness and the freedom and the belief in the power greater than ourselves, the host of friends, the purpose for living, the direction we're going, the whole ballgame. I'd love for my grandchildren to have this. But I wanted to go through the hell that I had to go through to get here. I didn't just pop up someday and say I spilled a little wine at my high school prom and thought I better get on a merry-go-round and go to A&A. I'd beat me to death out there. Alcohol didn't do it. Drugs didn't do it. I did it to me. I'm my own worst enemy today, 40 some odd years later than I was when I, same as I was when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous. And the thing that keeps me from utter destruction most of the time are these traditions and my concern for the newcomer in AlcoholicsAnonymous. Even though I don't behave properly all the time, I never have forgot what it was like to be a newcomer in AA. And if I ever do forget what it's like to be a newcomer. I'll probably be strug drunk. That's just the nature of the illness called alcoholism. He says, each group ought to be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups. I ought to autonomous, except in matter affecting other groups or as a whole. That means I shouldn't run around and wear my group like some badge of honor that nobody else has because they're not quite up to my standards, doesn't mean that at all. It just means that I'm very pleased and very proud to be a member of the group that I am a member of. I'm really pleased when somebody asks me where I come from, I'll tell them. I don't like to hear them bad mouth my groups or my sponsor or my friends or anything. I don't like any of that nonsense. But I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn't need to engage in your controversy, all I need to do is raise my shoulders and say, okay. Because it's autonomous. And what does it mean? It means it's self-governing. I'm self-governing. I have still self-will. God gave it to me. That's why I got into trouble. My self-willed. Same today, if I get in trouble, it has to do with my self- will. That means I'm Self-Governing. That means that my groups can do anything they want to do, create any kind of customs they want it true as long as it does not affect other groups or AA as a whole. And Fifth Edition to me tells me exactly what would happen if that happened when it says that my primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. And if I'm a newcomer and I wander into a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, supposedly off of a directory, and there's a non-alcoholic participating in that meeting, I've got a chance, I don't have a very good chance of living. Or somebody sitting up there that I don' t understand. Maybe one of my therapists or my psychiatrist or my parole officer, blah, blah blah goes on and on and on. The message that we have here has to have weight and depth to it. And you can't transmit something you haven't got. So the primary purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous and me, what has been my primary purpose is to stay sober and carry the message until the alcoholic still suffers. I don't have very many more purposes. It says, an AA group ought never endorse financial in the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise. These problems of money, property, or prestige divert us from our primary purpose. It goes right back. What is the primary purpose? The primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. That's the primary propose of Alcoholics Anonymous, and it's only done through identification. It is not done by intellectual stimuli, by great achievements while sober. It's how did I get from that cell in solitary confinement at penitentiary to a nice place like the Esmeralda Hotel in Palm Desert? How did I end in Wells or wherever we're at? There have been so many places lately I forgot where I was going or coming back from. These traditions spell it over and over And drive it home more and more to me Thank God that Norm Alpey made me stick my nose into this thing Forty some odd years ago My primary purpose is to stay sober And the traditions keep bringing that back to me Time after time after time And then this is what he made me The first time he told me he was going to be my sponsor he made me adhere to this tradition, said I ought to be self-supporting through my own contributions. He did that. He said, get a job and go to work, you bum. I'm not a bum. I'm an AA member. He says, you're an AA bum. Bums don't work. Get off of welfare. I said, don't you ever say that to me again, Norm Alpey. I'm going to hit you. He said what do you call living in penitentiary, Johnny? Self-supported through your own contributions? I mean, that wraps it up. It also means, to me, that we ought to make sure that our home groups are self-supporting. That we should reach in a little deeper. I know people sometimes will go out. I've watched them in my own home group. I watch them go out and spend $25, $30 on dinner and put a handful of change in the basket when it comes by them and try to tell you how grateful they are for Alcoholics Anonymous. Does somebody else do it? That's gratitude. Does somebody else pay the tab? That's gratitude. That's the way I used to live before I got here. I am self-supporting through my own contribution. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm going to reach in and have a $35 dinner and put 15 cents in the basket because I spent my last thing buying a package of cigarettes. see people smoking and drinking coffee and bringing Starbucks into the meeting but they can't put any money into the basket change or whatever they got handy oh I'll tell you I sat next to Clancy every Wednesday night and if I don't stick a fiver in that basket he said what the other night I had five ones we went out to dinner Clancy and I and my classmate the other one And he came back, and I was trying to get change at the ice cream store for a $20 bill. And the guy didn't have it. So when the bastard came by, I had five singles. And I rolled it up and put in the bastard. The client said, how much did you put in there? I said, five. He said, you didn't Have it at the Ice Cream Store. Yeah, but I had Five Singles. I do that at my home group on Monday night. I put five bucks in there. dollar don't buy nothing no more you can't even buy a Starbucks for a buck and them mokey mokeys my god you know it says here that Alcoholics Anonymous ought to remain non-professional I got to remain a non-Professional you see basically what you are in Alcoholics Anonymous and what I am in Alcoholic Anonymous, Norm told me once upon a time and so did my papa he said all you are John is an amateur faith healer amateur faith healer amateur faith healer now when I'm new in Alcoholix Anonymous I guess I got a couple years now and I'm working in the oil fields big time high rolling gangster like me I'm in the old field bebopping around out there They ain't making no money because they don't know how to do nothing. And I got a call that a warden from the institution I came out of recommended that I attend a symposium at Norco, which is now a big drug rehab program out there in Norco. And the theme of this symposium was the role of the offender in treatment. It sounded great, huh? Well, I went out there. I ain't got no money. So I go out there and see what they got beside the warden. Recommended me. I guess my ego drove me out there because I was going to tell them how to do it. Harvey was taking me to a lot of institutions anyhow. So I went out there, and basically what they offered me a job. They offered me an opportunity to work as a lawyer. They offered a job as a liaison officer between the parolees and the parole department. It's a nice name for a stool pigeon. And so I thought about that. I could just see me, and I ain't got a dollar. I ain' got enough money to buy a Hummingbird or racing suit. I ain'T got nothing. I got a wife, a couple kids now, and I don't know what to do, and I got no money, I got nothing, and a guy offered me $1,000 a month and a company car. Well, it was a state car, same thing. And he's going to give me a little desk in Huntington Park at the Nalene Center with my nameplate on it. So I could sit and watch myself and read my nameplate on my desk and drive around in my little car. Well, I liked it because, man, now I'm going to work, you know, eight to five. I'm gonna go home. I'm wanna clean up. I'm gon' go to AA meetings, which is a trap. I'm gonnabe able to help people in AA all the time and I'm gunna do this great job. I'm unhelp all these guys in my neighborhood I grew up with. Yeah. And I can just imagine my gangbanger saying to me, what are you doing for the parole department? But there's always been some type of a power that's overlooked my life, that's kept me from engaging in things that would destroy me and Alcoholics Anonymous more than anything else. And that night they had a break from this symposium and I had to go to a meeting to drive an old lady by the name of Myrtle Snyder to a meeting. Myrdle's been dead a long time now. And so I'm all excited. I'm going to tell her about this big deal I got. Boy, it's a big deal. I mean, I got 1,000 bucks, Mom. Hey, got a car. We're going to be able to go. I'm gonna be able drive it at the Hatchipede. We're gonna do all this stuff, Mom, take it to TI. We're doing it all together, Mom." She said, "'What?' She said," "'What are you going to do?' I told her. She says, "'I'd like to ask you a question.'" I said, "'What do you want to know?' He says, how do you sell a gift? Particularly if the gift isn't yours. It was given you for free and for fun. You give it away for free and for fund. I had to go back out to that symposium the next day and told them I'd be glad to come to their institution anytime they wanted me to after I got off of work. I have never regretted that decision. There have been times when money was tough. There'd been times when I didn't know where the next buck was coming from. There'd be a time for that, but I sure as hell never had to sell my soul or my program of recovery called Alcoholics Anonymous for a dollar. I never had it. I wouldn't be able to stand that. I'd blow my brains out. I'd get drunk. I'd be running the street somewhere doing that stuff. I cannot sell this program. And I don't think anybody else can. either. It's given to us for free and for fun. That's what's always happened to me. It is the most amazing thing that I know of how these things have just taken care of me despite of my own arrogance. It says that I ought not never be organized but they ought not ever be organized. We don't have to worry about the powwow violating this one. but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. There's that word again. There's a couple of words in these traditions that keep jumping out of there. One of them is serve. The other is primary purpose. Primary purpose is to serve. Primary purpose ist to serve, primary purpose, serve and have a primary purpose of service here. That's what it's all about. That's where the traditions are all about Now, don't get all uppity and thinking about service. Yeah, that means yes. No, it doesn't. Service means a lot of things in AA. Service to me, a lot OF times, is just sitting in my seat when the meeting starts. Service to ME sometimes is just setting there through the whole meeting and trying to be attentive. Service to MEE means doing whatever it is that Alcoholics Anonymous has asked me to do, whether I like it or whether I don't like it, whether it's an imposition, whether there's trickery whatever it may be that's what it's all about ten Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues hence the A name I'll never be drawn into public controversy I don'T ever run around and just well I DON'T wear any of them bumper stickers on my car there's a very good reason for that I don't want anybody to see an AA member acting like that on the freeway sometimes it's true I mean I'm you know I mean Jesus I'm boning them off and cutting them off carrying them I remember one day I was going down the freeways spiritual giant that I am and I'm out in the fast lane and a guy was honking at me Well, I kind of moved over after a while to teach him a lesson. And he drove up alongside me and went, I bet you think a spiritual giant in AA has been sober for a while and had meetings to go to and people to sponsor. I bet she thought, go, my friend, and sin no more. No, I didn't even got him before he got to the off-ramp. But he outmaneuvered me, so I got the next off-ramp. And I wandered around that neighborhood for about an hour looking for his car. Well, but that's only been maybe 10 years ago, so... I mean, I've grown a great deal since then. I wouldn't look that long for it this time. It's an amazing thing. You know, basically what I'm trying to tell you is if I don't have all these things working in my life, I don't have a prayer I don' t know much going on I love the last two paragraphs more than anything that I know of I just love them to death every time I hear them read you know I'm very lucky twice a month I get to sit in AA meetings twice a week twice a year where they read the long form of the traditions they read them and I listen to them with great attention sometimes in my home group I hear people say oh you know and I want to just being a spiritual giant that I am I wantto go over and slap them because when you mock the traditions with your chanting or anything else that you do when you are when you mock the traditions you're mocking the tens of thousands of people alcoholics like you and I who died to make these things come about so you and i can sit here in splendor with no thing that's what we're mocking these people that's when i hear this chanting nonsense going on i hear mocking these magnificent men and women who formulated this thing so you and I could sit in these rooms and enjoy this magnificent life that we have. It's an amazing thing. My public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. It's attraction. It's interaction. You're in attraction whether you like it or not, good, bad, or indifferent, Norm used to say. Whether you like or what you don't like, and I'm an example of good, better, and different at the program of Alcoholics Anonymous Works that I haven't drank anything, smoked anything, had any antidepressants. I haven'T smoked any weed. I hadn'T any weekend heroin going on here for a while. Forty-some odd years now. I'm an attraction that you can live no matter what circumstances bring you, and I've had them all. The only thing that hasn't happened in my life since I've been sober is one of my children having died. That I would not be able to take, I don't think. but I haven't had to have anything to take the edge off either I haven' t had anything to do that with I've only had you a sponsor people in my group and this magnificent legacy that I've been left here by the people who went before me I need to always maintain my personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and film. I have to do that. Me, I'm not in a position probably where that's ever going to come about. But I would never let anybody video me either. And the reason I wouldn't is because a negativist like me, what I would do, I'd sit around and watch my video. I would. Come on. What else would you have one for? Oh, I didn't like that tie. I won't wear that the next time I speak. That suit's gone next time. That's my egotism. That's the way I am. And Bill knew this. Bill knew this when he wrote this stuff. He knew about people like me. He knew about people like me who have to be there, who get no recognition for anything that happens here. that you've got to have to learn to live sooner labor, he told me. You're going to have to learn with some degree of dignity where it isn't necessary for you to expect to receive anything in return. You do it, like old Norm used to say, just for the hell of doing it. You do a lot of work and you do it a day at a time, weeks at a times, sometimes months at a time, but you hang in there. An old friend of mine He's very sick now. I love him a great deal. His name is Ray O'Keefe. He's living in Florida. He said when he was new, he had all these problems. He said to his sponsor, what am I supposed to do? His sponsor said, well, if you don't drink and you go to meetings, you'll be all right. He said, when am I going to get another job? He said. When did you get another job? That's the kind of simplicity I love here. Don't drink. Go to meetings and try to help somebody else. Whatever else comes your way, that's up. I'm not immune to anything because I'm sober and AA. I watched a spectacle down at that pool this morning that I really was almost ashamed of. How people raised hell because the rules of the hotel were being abused. Some people got irate. and somebody said to me what the hell you think you're special just because you ain't drinking oh I asked one did she read her 24 hour day book today that got a laugh from her husband it's amazing what do we think we're special just because we don't drink anymore We're not out there killing ourselves somewhere. We're special. I can't think of anything worse than that. And if you ever talk to me about a power greater than yourself and you think you're special, you don't know anything at all about a Power Greater Than Yourself. What kind of God would that be anyhow that would make us special over anybody else? That would allow us to bend the rules, to suit ourselves and our own purpose on our own company. What kind OF God would THAT be? My grandmother talked about a God who punished little boys who were bad. My papa taught me about a God that loves me. Told me I'm one of his kids, and if I act like one of his kids I'd be treated like one of his children. And I guess for 40 some odd years of my life I've lived more like one of his kid than some little egotistical orphan because my life is absolutely fantastic. Anonymity is a spiritual foundation. What does that mean? I don't get any credit for any good things that's happened to me. Not at all. I don' t run around and announce to the world that I'm a sober member or a sober person or a sore member of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's the foundation of all of our traditions, the anonymity here. Did I get no personal blessing because of these great blessings that have been given to me? I'm not entitled to that. It reminds me to place principles before personalities. Well, what are the principles? I should overlook what you do because I know you and like you, but I won't overlook what YOU do because I don't like you. Why should I do that? That means I don't have any principles. Exactly what it means. We started a meeting a few years ago in Long Beach at Honor the Bridge Workshop, and I wanted to introduce a tradition to these people that I was close to, and so we started this workshop. And I never knew it was going to take, not forever. And one night, four or five years into this thing, maybe six or seven years, I don' t know, lose track of time, We were having an election. And a young lady that I've grown to love a great deal, like a kid of mine, I heard her say, she was sitting behind me, I heardher say, I like so-and-so, but I think the other one would do a better job, so I'm going to vote for her. That is principles before personalities to me. I wept on the way home that night because somebody seemed to be getting it there was somebody starting to get this thing it's a strange thing I'm going to tell you a story about what this really means to me as most of you know I'm a peddler I go out and sell things I drive around looking for things to sell and one day I'm out riding around in an industrial neighborhood a few years ago and I drove by this parking lot and it was full of the product that I sell. You wouldn't understand it, Demetrius. Anyhow, my little ego got a hold of me and I thought to myself, Jesus, if I just had that, I wouldn't have to do but call on this guy forever. I mean, he had a parking lot full of my product and I'm a product salesman. So I pulled into the parking lot Right up alongside a little red Mustang. I looked at that little red Mustang, it had one of them easy dozen stickers on the bumper. Whoa! AA members in there, baby. I'm ready, you know what I mean? I walk in there. I'm all ready to go and I said to the receptionist, here's my business card. I sell this and may I see the purchasing agent? And she said, well, I'll call him, see if he has a few moments. She called him. He said, yeah, he said, if he wants to wait about five minutes, I gave him ten. So I sat there, and so, you know, curiosity got to me, so I said to the girl at the desk, little red Mustang out there. I'm a car buff. She said, you are? And I said, yes. I said that's your Mustang? She said no. That's the purchasing agent's Mustang. Oh. Jesus. We're going to have a house in Palm Springs now. Well, you had to go to the Roundup every year. And I just sat there and finally he let me in there, and I walked in, businessman that I am, spiritual giant beyond belief. Handed him my business card. He looked at it. I told him what I wanted. He said, well, I gave you some product to bid on if you want to do it. I said, okay, thank you. So I took and shook his hand and took his business card and gave mine, and I got up to leave, and I said to him, the little red Mustang out there. He said yeah, what about it? I said, Receptors told me it's yours. Everything about him changed. He got hate in his eyes. She says, no, that's my wife's Mustang. She went to AA and ran off with one of them alcoholics over there. Now, I guess a guy sober and really believes in principles would have said, don't say that about AA. Not me. I said, that's the way they act over there, I hear. I'm still doing business with that client. 30 some odd years later, 35 years later. I treat him with respect. I don't rip him off on his prices. I do for him what I say I'm going to do when I say I'm gonna do it. I'm where I say I'm wanna be when I'm say I am going to be there or let him know why I'm not. I take him out to lunch from time to time. He doesn't ask me why I don't drink. He just quit drinking. I mean, I never ask him why he don't drank anymore either. But here's the payoff to me. If that man would walk into the meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous where I am now a member and sees me there. Maybe that would erase the memory of the little red Mustang. Maybe he would have a better picture of what we're all about. Somebody who calls on him on a regular basis with some type of dignity, who looks clean, who looks presentable, who does all these things, takes care of him when he asks him to, never asks him any questions, never says anything but thank you for the purchase order and goes out the door and delivers his goods. That's a far crime from what it was 30-some years ago when I walked in and called him, what he thought about it. And he doesn't know to this day that I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I haven't found it necessary to have to tell him, and he hasn't asked me. You've done a wonderful job with me, people. My sponsor who keeps my nose to the grindstone, who makes sure I don't get too far from our bridges, the people who talk to me on a regular basis, who I adore and love make me a far better man than I really am. I'm really a self-centered, self-serving, egotistical person, if you want to know. I'm selfish to the core, self centered to the court. But once upon a time, a long, long time ago, I was given something that the God of my understanding is very powerful with today. I was talking to my papa one day and he said to me son nature abhors a vacuum but God abhores a vacuum even more under heaven and earth he said to me if you could empty yourself of self you would be automatically full of God now when I sit in my meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous where my sponsor told me to sit down and shut up and pay attention and I'm more attentive to what's going on in that meeting like I was with Ralphie last night and I am more attentive to what is going on and more concerned about the person sitting next to me even though I am full of self at that time and full of my self-centeredness at that moment at that point which happens a great deal of the time for negatifs like me at least I can say there with enough respect for the person sitting next to me that I will not disturb their thought process. So I do not visit too much. I sit still. What a wonderful thing AA is. I've sat around here for the last couple of days. I sat there and listened to Ralph talk last night, and I was engrossed by what he had to say. I'm appreciative of the kindness and the consideration and the service that the committee has afforded me and my lovely wife Karen. You know, the only thing that I can tell you You've done a fantastic job I'll tell you what you've done for me today More than anything else You have taught me to love somebody More than I love me That's basically what it said What I'm more concerned Most of the time With my wife's well-being Than I am with mine You've been a great person You've gone a fantastic Job with me See, I haven't been anywhere else I came here on the fourth day of November 1959 and I sit in the back row and you had something I wanted today I know exactly what it is it's a quietness of the heart there's a peace in my soul there's an understanding there's people to talk to things to do to be concerned for you've taken me right smack dab out of this place Three or four months ago, I got to talk at a penitentiary where I'd crawl around on my hands and knees in a cell in solitary confinement not very long ago, Folsom State Prison. We were a little late getting in there because they had the mess hall done and we couldn't get through there to get to where we were going to have the meeting. And the mess hallway is where I used to eat 46 years ago. And while they were all busy, weren't about getting to the thing, I wandered down to my old cell block where I used to live. And I wandured into the cell block against the guards' orders and looked at the old cell I usedと live in. And I spent the next three hours talking to 300 convicts, convictс, hardcore convictς. And you know what my message was to them? Forty-six years ago, I sat in those seats back there and some people told me about a book called Alcoholics Anonymous and it moved me from back there to right here. If you go get the book, I'll go home and pray that you find some part of you in it. Last Tuesday night the guy that I sponsor who sponsors the guy who goes into Folsom bought me a present from them convicts in Folsom. they had taken a bunch of ice cream sticks and made me a cell about that big and they wrote on it Folsom Prison everything I have in my life I wrote Alcoholics Anonymous everything I ever hoped to have in the world in my whole life I wrote alcoholics and like old Norm used to say it's a long a long walk from a cell in solitary confinement in a maximum security penitentiary to where I stand right now. But for the grace of God, AA and good people like you, I could have missed it all. Thank you. God bless. Wow. Unbelievable. Johnny kind of finished early, so I'll talk for 10 minutes. We hope you've enjoyed this recording. To obtain additional copies, receive a free catalog of A.A. and Al-Anon talks, or to find out about our Tape and CD of the Month Club, call Encore Audio Archives at 1-800-878-1308 or visit our website at www.twelvesteptapes.com. © transcript Emily Beynon