Why the Third Step Is More Than a Decision – Robbie W.

Hi and welcome to the New Life Big Book Step Study Workshop. The format of this workshop is to have an experienced member of AA come in each week for 12 successive weeks and go through all 12 steps utilizing the big book, the 12 and 12 book, and whatever other tools they would like to use in order to help us gain a greater understanding of the recovery process both mechanically and experientially. Workshop recordings are available at bbsg.org for free to be downloaded. CDs are available as well, for a nominal charge to cover the costs of reproduction and shipping and handling. Please visit the website from time to time to hear new workshops as they are posted. Also, visit BigBookWorkshops.com to see listings of workshops in your area. If you are holding a Big Book Workshop, please feel free to contact me through the website to have it posted online. Thank you for listening and without further ado, here is our speaker. Good evening everybody. Good evening, everybody, and welcome. My name is Robbie, and I am an alcoholic. Hello, everybody. Thank you for coming out for our third successful week in a row. It's pretty exciting. Tonight's going to be step three. I want to thank everybody for showing up. That's a great start. um as we before we begin um kurt mentioned that uh this group has had like a really cool deal that you guys have done in the past and i think i'm going to try it tonight for the first time when everybody number one to turn your cell phones either off or on vibrate mode preferably off if you can okay unless you're emergency staff or you have some of the little ones at home that might need to talk to you. And then beginning in five seconds, we're going to begin three minutes of meditation. During this meditation, I'd just like to ask you to clear your mind completely of all the trappings of what's going on out there in the world and just relax. Forget about Christmas for a couple minutes. Forget everything that's going along in the world and just meditate for three minutes. And we'll end the three-minute meditation. When I begin, when I say thank you, we'll be done. We'll begin in five seconds. Remember, clear minds, clear thoughts. Don't go on your phone. Begin. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. thank you everybody great job great job that was a good idea kurt good idea get us started on the right tone and that's generally not my um forte i'm not a i'm not a big person that ever calms down for any amount of time until i hit the bed at night so that's that's a nice that's an exciting thing for me to try to practice right beth all my friends over there are laughing yeah no kidding um okay uh again like i said my name is robbie and i'm an alcoholic. Through the grace of God, this awesome fellowship, the fact that I belong to Home Group and I'm active in it, and the factthat I sponsor others, and I am sponsored, okay? And that I've taken all 36 spiritual principles out of my big book, that's a 12 step to 12 traditions and a 12 concept, and placed them into my life. I've been a member of AA and Good Standing since October 31st of 1983. My Home Group is the primary purpose group of Wildwood, New Jersey, and i chair to bring your own big book meeting every friday night i'm an active guy and i'm also the uh chairman of our local roundup so i'm i'm inactive guy in alcoholics anonymous i chair a committee with like 50 of us on it so uh that's who i am what i am um i've been on a job where i work i'm coming up on a quarter of a century at the same place that means i've had to work on relationships there. I couldn't just get mad and say, I'm out of here. I'm taking my ball and going home. You know, one of those neat things that we learned in AA is that we have acceptance. You Know, we learn how to have, what's it saying in a step book? A true relationship with others was always our problem. Huh? You know why? Because it was always about we had one relationship and that was with booze. You know what I mean? And it's that simple. And if you were, if your name was Southern Comfort or Johnny Walker Red, you're my friend. You know what I mean? Whatever your drink of choice was. But if not, generally you took a real far back seat somewhere. And today that's not the case. Today I can look at whether it's a person that works at Starbucks or a person who works at Wawa or the gas station attendant or my daughter or my mother or my employer or a customer or an irate customer. I get a lot of irate customers and I'm the guy who's got to sit there and she'll they'll be saying all bad things about my company and you know some of the people that work with me and I just gotta say yep okay well let's see what we can do you know and that's what we got to do today. We can't just I can't juste you know you know say what I really want to say you know in react you know have you always been this way ma'am no I can say that you know You know, I can't say what I really want to say. In other words, in relationships, which we'll talk about especially three weeks from now when we go to fourth step and we start doing our list. And we're going to do them right here. We're going do... I might digress if I do stay with me. We're gonna do resentment list right here, we're gonna to do fears list, and we're goint to do a sexual conduct list right there. Right here! We're gong to do it. We're going to do this. This is about taking the steps Kurt said to me. We're not just going to talk about it and study it. You know what I mean? Just go through it. We're going to get into it. We did a Friday night at our group, didn't we? We went through this sexual, we were doing page 69 and 70 on my big book meeting and we got into this sexual conduct list. A lot of giggling. I said, come on now, get mature. They're like, oh, you know, God, I'm a little upset, didn' I? And we got in to some deep stuff. So I'm going to actually let you know that you better be careful if you're goingto come in three weeks because next week we're off because it's Christmas Eve. All right, we got families. The following week we're off because it's New Year's Eve and all you guys, I know you're going to go to a dance somewhere or whatever. But the following week, we're coming back and we're doing step four. And I'm going to give you a warning. You're going have to have some emotional sobriety to come. Really. And if you haven't done your fourth step yet, I'd like to ask you to bring your sponsor. Because we're going get down and we want to do a fourth step right here. Right here, we are going to do, you are going do a four step. I'm going to have all the lists for you that I have my guys do. And we're going to do the fear list, the resentment list, and the sexual conduct list like you're supposed to do. And then we're gonna do a seven deadly sins list like it says in the 12 and 12. And then мы're gonna до a grandiosity self-war riot list like I say we do. Okay? And then We're gonna Do an assets list like the 12and12 says we do so we can clear away morbidity. And then WE'RE GONNA DO ANOTHER LIST. And you know what it is? It's called holding back nothing. It talks about it in the big book and it talks about it in a step book. Because, you know, at that point there's always an alcohol that somehow gets through all those lists. It didn't make any of those lists, I'm not telling them or her. And then we have what says we're holding back nothing. You know, so is there anything on that list? Have you held back something at that point? You know what, I'm going to get some people here, some alcoholics in this room that are going to be willing to talk about some of this stuff. To show the people that haven't done a four-step yet that it can be done. That you don't have to die because of your fears. You don't have to die because you're afraid to tell somebody something about you. I know a lot of us grew up in households where it stays here. Don't tell nobody about you, you just grew up like that. And in Alcoholics Anonymous it's the exact opposite. There's a lot of bad guys in Alcoholic Anonymous where you don't rat nobody out. That's all over with. You put pen and paper to it and you talk about it. And you find out that you're not the green headed monster that is the only person that's ever done this before. That there's other people in the room that have done it too. So again, before we end, I am going to let you know that be careful coming in three weeks because it is not going to be a cute meeting. It's going to being a meeting where there's going to be some actual interesting stuff going on here. And if you don't have enough emotional sobriety for it, I suggest to go to a middle of the road meeting, okay? Because this one ain't going to work for you in three weeks because we're going to get down and dirty. We're going to take a fourth step here, and I'm going to share some things with you that I probably don't want to share with you, but I'm willing to do it because I don't think you can hurt me because I trust God, andI know I have the right motives in doing it. Boy, I created a big ruckus Friday night, didn't I, at our group? We had one old-timer who said, there are things being said in this meeting that you shouldn't say in AA. I asked him to find it for me in a book where he just said, and he couldn't find it. okay? Because we don't live in fear anymore. We live in faith, okay? And don't get me wrong, you know, you can already remember society doesn't follow our traditions. So you don't raise your hand and say, well, I didn't murder somebody two years ago. Nobody knows about it yet. You don't do that. That's happened in Manhattan and the guy went to jail. Don't get me wrong. Traditions are for us to follow. So, you know if you haven't dealt with something, You know, obviously you've got to be careful. But at least to that vein. Because, you know, we follow the traditions, but the law doesn't. They follow their own. You know what I mean? Okay, so with that being said, let's do the welcome. I like to welcome everybody. I like To Know Who You Are and who we're dealing with. I don't think it's about me. I think it'S about you. And I like when we go to a big event like this, everybody says who they are. So we'll start over here at my gang from the Wildwood area. All I want you to say is what your name is, you know, what you are, okay? I'll leave that up to you. And what's your home group? Go. Marianne, alcoholic, primary purpose, Wildwoods. Welcome. Fast, alcoholic addict, new host group, last house on the block, Phyllis. I'm Jamie. I'm an alcoholic. Okay. Nice to have you. And if you have a home group, let us know what it is. Doug. I'm Doug. I'm not an alcoholic just for today, Thursdays, not times where there's... Nice. I'm a non-alcoholic, sunrise. Sunrise. There's that Sunrise group. What do you got, Dennis? Yeah, it was there Saturday night. Good group, dude. What's up, George? Hey, George. Hi, Sunrise. Hey, welcome. Come up this way now. I like that group, man. Dude, if I was from anywhere around here, I'd belong to the Flanky group. I'd be like the chairman or something. Go ahead. Welcome. Nice. Hi, Debs. Barnaget's in the house. Barnagent. Adam, good to see you again. Good talking to you today, dude. Hey, let's all say hey, Salvatore. One, two, three. a Salvador go ahead sorry once you make you feel at home welcome Marcus grateful recovering alcoholic that's primary purpose well took us a while to get him to say that. He said, I don't have a home group. We finally got them. Go ahead, dear. Betty, alcoholic. Hi, Pat, alcoholic, Tom's River. Peggy, alcoholic living sober, Tom'S River. Hi, Peggy. Mimi, alcoholic playing hooky for Monday night, Eastover, TomS River. Nice! Good alcohol! Man, we're playing hookie! Go ahead. Kathy, alcoholic sunrise. Hi Sunrise. Sunrise Sunrise They're hanging together too Look at them Susan Hi Andy Yeah Neptune Designed for living The other Jimmy Next to him What's up Eddie Nice Oh, welcome Serenity. Good meeting. Catherine Mary. Fourth Dimension. I like that. All right, fourth dimension? Fourth dimension. Oh, Bayhead. Barb? Hey, Barb. Hi, Mary Ellen. Okay, welcome. Hi, Lori. Oh, welcome. Hi, Jude. Hey, Sean, welcome Hold on. What was your name? Hi, James. Ladies. All right. Hey, welcome Welcome Hey, welcome. My goal. What's up, Matt? Welcome, Toms River. Welcome. Hey, Sunrise. Hi, Tony again. Hi, Debs. I'm Donna, Alcoholics Sunrise. Welcome, Donna. Mary Ellen, Sunrise, seven days a week for the entire year. Nice. That's right. Nice. They're all here. You're talking to the choir. Go ahead. You're an alcoholic designed for living. Hey, Kurt. Hi, Alcoholic Designed for Living. Hi, Designed For Living. Good to see you. I'm Jeremy and I'm an alcoholic in fourth dimension. We meet in this same room Wednesday nights at 730. So, Mary Ellen? Talk to Jen after the meeting. You can join our group. Oh, isn't that nice? It's very close. Good call, dude. Anthony, alcoholic? Hi, Anthony. Dave, alcoholic. Hi, Dave. All right. Well, welcome, everybody. And if you haven't been, obviously we're doing step three tonight. We've already done one. We've уже done two. The big thing is just be ready because I might call on you. I'm not sure when or why, but I might be calling you. So just stand ready, okay? Stand ready. Remember what it said at the end of the second step? It says, remember we have to stand ready to do anything that would lift this merciless obsession from us. So let's stand ready and be called on. All right, step three. Tonight we're going to obviously get your big books out. We're going through page 60 to 64. But first we're gonna talk a little bit. Yeah, okay, thank you very much dear. First we're doing a set aside prayer. Now, this set aside prayer will be said a lot at big book seminar weekends and at places where you're asked to really delve into something and have a new experience. And it's really about we agnostics. It's really pretty much out of the big book, we agnostics. It's about setting aside your prejudices. You know what I mean? It's About Setting Aside Any Pre-Conserved Notions That You May Have. And just tonight, just have an open mind. If you have an open mind, you're going to be much better off, including myself. So I'm going to say this prayer with you. We'll begin with me saying, Dear God, and feel free to join in if you have it in front of you. You ready? Dear God. Please help us set aside everything we think we know about ourselves, our illness, the big book, and especially you. Help us keep an open mind, void of all prejudices, so that we can have a new experience as we trudge the road of happy destiny. Thank you for helping us to set aside all we think we know as we have a New Experience in our group setting here this evening and getting to know you. Just a little something different. I like to shake things off and just do things just a little bit differently than we're used to doing. So tonight we're going to talk about the third step. All right, who knows the third steps? What's the third set? Anybody, raise your hand. Who knows the first step? What's your third step, dear? That's all right, we're gonna make a decision. What kind of decision? Say it again. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. Close. You're close. You said my. Say it against me. Say it once again. It says, made a decisions to turn what? Our will and our lives over to care of god. That was good enough. You got us going. You got a stinking and that was important. Thank you. And the reality of it is that that's what we're going. Everything we do is we are us. You know what I mean? It's never I, me or my, because if it is, you're headed for trouble because, you know, then alcohol will, you knows, get a hold of you and it's a subtle foe. So again, always stick together. I don't know. I came up with four people in my car. You know, I mean, we had sandwiches, drink. What did we do? Some type of run. Where did we stop at? We had chili. We had all kinds of stuff. We did a Dunkin' Donuts run, man. They all know it's a Dunking Donuts. Here they come, here they come. I don't know why they're so happy. Alcohols can have fun at a DunkIN' Donut, man! Ain't that cool? I donno. Okay, so we're gonna talk tonight, and the reason I got our friend... What is your name right there? The reason I asked Judy to read it out loud, because that's what we're going to talk about. So the first thing we're going to talk about, we're going to break this down. A decision. Okay? So the First Thing I Want to Talk About Is When We Make a Decision. So a decision, alright, is it's a determination arrived at after much consideration. You like that? In other words, I don't know about you guys, we don't make a decision right away, I Don't Think. Oh, I Like That Person. Or I Dislike. You know, most times when you finally make a decision. Okay? It's a Determination arrived after much consideration. Okay, so in this step, we're going to make a decision to turn our will. So what's will? Will is, it's an expressed desire. It's a choice. So we made a decision to turn or our passion. Will is a habitual action. And I like this, to act according to principles. okay so we're going to turn our will or our choices are we're gonna turn our habitual actions we're gonna turn a passion I like that word I like passion you know I like fashion right um or or will is to act according to principles okay so we're to turn the way we act towards these principles embodied in our 12 steps and in our big book we're to turn our will and our lives. Now, a life very, somebody that has a life as a vital functioning being. So we're going to turn ourselves, we all know what we are, okay? Okay, over to the care. Care, there's two big words in my dictionary, two big definitions for care and the best ones that apply to this is maintenance and or better one, supervision. Okay? Okay, so we're going to make a decision, okay, to turn our will, the way we act according to our principles and our life, us, our whole being, our whole functioning being, not just how we are when I'm around you people, when we're out in public. You know, every here to the old time it says, you know, you are who you are when you're alone. Okay, that's who you really are and what you do when you were alone when no one else is looking. Okay? So we're going to return our will and our life over to the care or the supervision of God. In here, notice in this step, anybody know this step? What's neat about God in our step? What's different about it? What stands out about God? In our step. Just think about it. Simple. No? Come on. Something simple about it! How do you write it? How do your write God? Oh! Capitals! I'm sorry. A little too... You were getting deep. You're a deep dude. You were going deep. Stay on the surface with me and you're okay. It's capitalized. It's capitalize for a reason. It's capitolized in our book. It's not a small God. It's one of those gods up there and it's not Zeus, okay? Or Orion or Pegasus. It's Capital G. And the neat thing about that is for me, that means that it just, and here's the definition, you ready? I put it's capitalize because I just like that, okay. It's a person, thing of supreme power. So we get away with that. It doesn't have to be a person, okay? Because no loopholes here or a thing, okay, of supreme power or its goodness. So let's break it down fully. It says we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. And then here's the caveat, which we all love and it's italicized, as we understood him. Love that. It's as we understand him. As we understood Him. As we grow in understanding. as we have this experience here, you know, in Alcoholics Anonymous, as we're working with our sponsor and those that have come before us, with our friends, as we'RE having these new experiences. You know what I mean? This is what it's about, this third step. And the first thing I can think about, we all heard this one. I love this, you Know, and we've heard it, but I know you'll answer this. Okay, you KNOW, obviously three frogs are on a log and one makes the decision to jump off. How many are left? That's right. Why is three? Because they only made a decision. You hear that in AA all the time. But you want to say two, but you know you can't because the rob's going to hit you, you know? But the reality of it is when we make a decision, we're just making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. I don't know about you guys. I make it a lot. You know, I didn't just make it the day I came into Alcoholics Anonymous. I do it a little bit. I make a lot of money. We can keep on going, okay? We don't, you Know, we're still there, you Now, we, we'Re growing. And then my favorite story about this. Now, stay with me on this one. I just love it. And if you've heard me speak before, you might have heard it before, but I just think this is so much about what we're going to talk about tonight, about being molded. You know, I think this ist where if I'm turning my will and my life over to the care of God, to the supervision of God as I understand Him, then what I'm doing is I'm saying, okay, Father, mold me, you know, change me. You know, I know that my way got me to jail, prison, rehab. Right? You know bad places. You know AA rooms. You know what I mean? Hanging out with you people. No offense. You know? So I need some direction. I need somesupervision. Right? So my favorite story is about, it's just like a glob. Like if this was a glob of clay just sitting in the potter's store. And all of a sudden, but that gray slab of clay is just like us when we come into AA. We're just a slab. You know, we're just being that's, you know, it's just we're there, but we're not molded yet. If anything, we need a lot of molding, right? And that gray slab of clay, I'm going to take you into that gray slab of clays thinking for a second. That gray slabofclay is sitting there, ladies and gentlemen, and it's thinking, when the potter comes in, I want him to pick me up. You know what I mean? When the potter comes in, I want him. I want to be something. I want it to be a pot. You know what I mean? I want a beast something. You know when you come into AA and you see these people and they look good and they smell good and they got Cadillacs and convertibles. Harley Davidson's dude with the biker and the bicker chick with the hot jeans. I mean, you know what it means? You get excited. Like I want, you Know what I Mean, Dennis? You want to Be like these people. You see these painted, shiny, glistening pots and all you are is a gray slab of clay. You feel me? And so you're a gray slab of clay and you're kind of liking it. You're like, whoa, man, that dude's got a cool jersey on, man. He's clean. You know what? Look at his sneaks. You know I mean? I want to, he's laughing. I want it be like that, you know, but you're still a gray slap of clay and so every day the potter comes in, you know the pottermand comes in and he just walks around the store, walks right by him, starts working on other things, plays with the ovens, paints a few things. You know what I mean? Plays with the vat a little bit, but doesn't touch him. And just like we do in AA, when we come in here, we come in here and we look around like, okay, when's my turn? This sucks. You know I mean, nothing's changing for me. You know, I mean you feel me? This sucks I'm still hearing voices. I still don't have a job. You know, am I ever going to have sex again? You know? When's it going to happen for me? Look at that guy and girl. I used to hate seeing when you remember when you're new? I used to hate seeing relationships. Happy people. Oh, I hate you. Stop holding hands. Why don't you just take her into a hotel room? You're having too much fun in this meeting, you know? And I used it being here. I was a gray slab of clay. I was miserable. When's it going to happen for me, Jimmy? And all of a sudden the powder comes in one day and he picks him up. Is that cool? And he picks them up and the gray slab of clay is all stoked. Stoked. You know, you got invited to the committee meeting. You got invited to the diner. You know, you're going with the girls to the girls' weekend. Woo-hoo! You know what I mean? You're going to be one of the stepsisters or whatever. You know? You're gone with the dudes. You're gonna go over to Jimmy's house for the football game. Yeah! You're part of the gang and all of a sudden you're gonna be molded. And what happened is this potter dude put the gray slab of clay in this big vat that's going around and around. And he started molding them. He started going, you know, like you do. You know, like a potter dude does. You know what I mean? He starts becoming, and he starts molding them. You know What I mean. And then all of a sudden, he comes out. And he gets put on a big table. You know WHAT I mean, and it's a lot. You know he don't feel as good as he was. You know when you start working on your character in here in Alcoholics Anonymous. You start doing that character building. You know and you start doing those steps at your sponsor's house or wherever you guys do them. You knowWhat I mean and it doesn't feel good. and it's not supposed to feel good. You know, no pain, no gain, you know? And so you're getting molded and you're changing and you find out all these things about you and your sponsor's telling you. That's not good. It's not a good thing. It's just not good to lust all the time. In fact, I don't like the way you're cursing. You know what I mean? You got to work on that. You know it's about change. You know how I mean. I feel comfortable doing that. You know I mean, I don' want you, and I used to love getting in an old car after a meeting and say, hey did you hear what Joe said? No, why don't you tell me something about you. I hung out with these AA Giants. They wouldn't even let you talk with us. You see what Mary Jane was wearing? No, we didn't, Rob. Talk about you. Like really, I'm the only one. Like I'm with all these spiritual giants, you know what I mean? And they taught me how to work on me and how to work for my character and to dwell on the positive and how I could change. So all of a sudden the pot, this dude, he's on the table and all of the sudden he gets put in the oven. You know, 300 degrees, 400 degrees, 500 degrees. That's getting hardened. You know what I mean? It's like us, you know, when we're going to these step workshops and we're, and we'll be like, we're all the GSRs and Tim, our Tim, the DCM's in there. He can't be here tonight because he's doing service work, okay? He's in the oven. He's gone a little bit more, you know a little further than just a lot of those gray slabs. You see? And he gets out of this oven and he's done. You know, I mean, you've done, Jesus has done four, five, six, seven. My God, you made a list. you started making amends to people and saying you're sorry you know what i mean and then all of a sudden the powder man started painting this this what used to be a gray slab of clay now it's this really cool looking thing and he's getting painted all these cool colors and all of a sudden the pot ain't feeling too good you know i mean it's kind of cool he's get a little more attention from the other pots now because they start to come up oh you know she's looking at me now you know me you know it's Kind of fun at first but then what happens is you know he's changing. He's really changing, and it's tough to change. It's easy to be a great slab of clay. It's easier to do nothing. Why do you think, not, say what you want, but there's not a lot of sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous, okay, with 20, 30, and 40 years and 50 years still working this program. Why is that? I wish I knew. I go to conventions every year, and I used to go to conventions when I, and i said this to you before, when i had one year alive, it was two years, I was three, right up to about eight or nine. And then all of a sudden, you know, now when I stand up, when I stood up for 29 years at my state convention with 1,500, I mean, I could see maybe six or seven people standing up with me. Now, you could give me an argument that maybe they're busy and maybe they don't have a job. And I'll tell you the truth. They faded away, you known? And I don't want to fade away. So anyway, the pot is getting all peony and shiny and then all this stuff's getting sprayed on them. You know, when we start doing the disciplines of 10 and 11, You know, the pausing when we're angry. You know what I mean? And I don't have to respond right back to you. I can just say, you got a point. I'll take a look at that and walk away. And you mumble in your brain, I suck up my cotton pick and put it away. And you can do that. I do that, that's what Bill Wilson did. That's who taught me that by the way. Bill Wilson, when there was a problem at the general service office would walk around the block. And I've told you this guys just before because I love it. And then he would readdress whatever a trustee was talking about that was because Bill would keep going, going and they would try to slow Bill down every once in a while. He didn't like being slowed down. Bill believed in standing flat-footed to your convictions. He wanted those traditions and no one wanted them. We got them. He wanted that AA General Service comments once a year in April so we could all... Nobody wanted it. He got it. Because he felt it. And I say to you, that's what we gotta do too. We gotta stand flat-footed to our convictions when we feel as though we're on the right path and two or three or four people are trying to sway us so anyway all of a sudden the pot gets put on a shelf and he's a painted shiny glistening pot for the first time in his life but he's so numb from the heat and from the paint and fromthe enamel okay and from everything he's just numb he's just sitting there he knows he's done and he finally finally sees his reflection in the mirror, and he's overwrought with emotion. He can't believe it. Finally, he has become a painted shiny ghost. And guess what? And now somebody's going to get, he's going be of usefulness now. I don't know how he might hold flowers. Who knows where he might be at a great palace somewhere. I do not know what is going to happen from there, from the store. But now he is going be able to be of use by others. And that is who we are. And this is what happens when we take these 12 steps. Not study them. I'm not interested in studying them. I'm interested in taking them. I want to take them and get done with them and feel them and experience them and then be able to put them into my life and then take others through them. That's fun. Who here, raise your hands, takes other people through 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous? Actually walks with them. See the hands? Okay. Tell me about that experience. What's it like? It's wonderful. to take someone into your life and give them what someone gave you and watch them grow. It's even better to watch them than do it to someone else. Isn't that great? Just to be a part of humanity. Who had their hand raised over here? Who had Their Hand Raised Over Here? What's it like taking somebody through the 12 sets of alcoholics and animals? It's an experience every single time. Okay. Okay. And I learned something from every person I've ever... Somebody raise your hand if right now you're taking a 12 Steps with a sponsor. What step are you on? Four. You're on four right now? Yeah. Cool. What was three like? Pretty intense getting down on my knees and saying the third step is great. Good stuff. Who else is taking a step right now, thank you, Sal. Where's a hand over here? Right there, dude. What step you on, man? I'm on the forwards. You're on the first step. You're getting it. That's cool, dude. You liking them? Pretty cool, man. It's going to say in the last forward or I think it's the third forward. The core of everything is one alcohol talking to another brother. And that's what alcohol is. When Bill talked to Dr. Bob, that's the deal. That's good stuff. Who else is doing A-step right now? What are you doing, Marianne? You're doing four with your sponsor. So how was, what was it like doing the steps up to here? What's your experience? It was very good. I, at this point in my life, I was completely ready and willing to surrender. Okay. So it was not a hard decision for me to make it. It was actually a very big one. Nice. Everybody, turn into your big books to page 60. Thank you for everybody that's been involved so far. So it says, and next to the last paragraph, being convinced we were at step three, which is that we decided, of course, to turn our will and our lives into the care of God's mercy to them. Just what do we mean by that? And just what do We do? So it Says, The first requirement is that we be convinced that our life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis, we're almost always in collision with something or somebody. And then what's the next sentence says? Did you hear that? Even if our motives are good, if we're still run on self-propulsion, we're screwed. It's that simple. You know what I mean? Even if my motives are not good, even if our motivations are good. I want to do good. And what is your name? Debbie? Even if it's still about Debbie. If the whole day is about Debbie and Debbie's going around talking about Debbie in the morning and Debbie in afternoon and Debbie at night and she's got good motives. She's a good person. And she's not like, you know, submitted to a God to a sponsor, to a group, you know what I mean? To Alcoholics Anonymous and Fellowship. It's probably not going to be good because we're going to end up right here, right where we started. That's why I love when they say, my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk. I used to hate that. They never did what I did then. You know what i mean? They never done the crimes I did and shacked up with who I shacked up with or whatever. Because in the back of my mind, And I heard a speaker one time say, no matter how bad life has been, no matter how bad we've gone down, Barb, you know what I mean? No matter how big it's been, we could have been the state mental hospitals. And you know I mean living in the alleyways and being puked on and urinated on. We could have had a horrible life. But we remember June 7th, 1981. Remember that day? Oh, it was great! Oh, I was so drunk, and that girl was so pretty. And that job I did, you know, netted me so much money. Woo! Because you're an alcoholic, baby. If you have that thinking. And what I understand from alcoholics and what I learned, we're all like that. That's embedded in here somewhere in the back of our minds. Do you know what I mean? That sickness, you knows, and it's a soul sickness. It's a perversion, you now. And my job is to not only clean that out, but even when I clean my yard out and I get the weeds out of it And I put the nice little, you know, what are you girls like? Those birdhouses up and stuff. You know what I mean? You know, make it all cute with the butterflies. You know I do that stuff too because I'm single. Right? Even though I do dat, somewhere at the end of the summer I still got to go back. And I got to weed a little bit. You with me? I still gotta do some work to it. So same here. Even though we've done the steps, we still gotto go back and continue to prune and continue t-t-to get the weeds out. And-and to clean up the property. Because just things happen. And I love that one story about the guy that just bought this home in the middle of the city, but it's at the end of the block. And he had this real nice little yard, but there was garbage strewn all throughout it. Do you know what I mean? And rubbish and all that. And it's been like that for years. And all of a sudden, the guy, man, he went to Home Depot. You know, he went into Garden World and he got all this nice peat moss and tillers and all this stuff and got those pretty bird houses and made it look nice. I mean, nice. And he's standing out there one day enjoying it. And here comes the local pastor and the local pastor comes by and says, wow, what is your name? What is it? Bonnie. What a wonderful job you've done with your yard. Now, what a wonderful work you've been doing and what a beautiful job you and God have done with youryard, the pastor says. And Bonnie looks up at him and says you should have saw what God was doing before I got involved. Do you know what that means? He ain't going to do nothing if you don't do nothing. And I mean that. He's here and he'll work with you, but you got to knock on the door or something. Oh, dude, come on in. See, God's a gracious guy. He don't go where he's not welcomed. I believe that. Do you believe that? You don't have to. It's true. Because I know you don'T have to believe it. It's truth. I love my newcomers and they argue with me. You can argue all you want. It's true. God will not go where you don' t invite him. You know what I mean? So invite him into your life. You know, say, hey, listen, I need your help. I do it all the time, man. Yo, dude, because I'm like not always spiritual. I just, I'm just not. Right, Jimmy? I'm not. I'm Just, it doesn't come natural to me. Okay. I wish it did. I wish I was some deep dude, like barefoot Bill. I love him. He's one of my good buddies. This dude is just like spiritual dude. We're going to go through three and 11 and stuff. And like, I can't do that. Like, I'm like, I don't know. I want to just go crazy. I wantto go surfing and do things that aren't spiritual. So with all that being said, no, I didn't mean, I mean, I don' t want to go to meditation meetings. I don''t know what you guys are. You guys are sick. But my point is we need, I need God. And that's what I was trying to point out to Bonnie here is that, you know, is that we need to work with God. you know if we continue to think and you know and if bonnie had just said oh thank you i did do a good job and what happens then our ego is being fed you see i get a lot of compliments you know last week it was oh you remind me of anthony robbins and somebody else said joel osteen isn't that wonderful i said thank you but i had to get down on my knees when i got home at night and i said dear god help keep me right size because all i am is an alcoholic one day at a time fighting for recovery, fighting for sobriety. I really mean that. I'm no better than anybody else in this room. You know what I mean? And when I start thinking I am, when I started thinking that I'm somebody that I am not, you see, I'm headed for trouble. See, and I know that. Do I want to be an alcoholic with 50 years of sobriete someday? You bet you're sweet and you know what. And am I going to work my butt off to get there? Yes, I am. But not so I can rise above men and women and not so i could be somebody that i'm not. You now, i'm an alcoholic and we're going to read something. I'm going to read something to you, everybody here. What time is this over? At 9 o'clock? At 8.55. I'm gonna read something to you that just blows me away every time I read it. And it reminds me of who I am and what my job here on earth is. And it's not about my glory. You know? Whenever I go about my Glory and getting my, you know, getting the right car or getting the cutest gal or, you Know, the most money. You know, and my pastor told about this in church on Sunday. It always falls by the wayside, but when I put him first and helping others, as we say in Alcoholics Anonymous first, oh my gosh, the rest is given on to me. You know, I just got to get my priorities right, and I have to get out of the way, okay? So next, it talks about, of course, we're like the actor, you know, we want to run on self-propulsion. It says most people live by self-propulsion. And that's what we're talking about tonight. We're coming out of self-populsion and we're getting into God propulsion. You know, I mean, we're submitting in this third step to God straight up. There's no middle of the road with this deal. Okay. It says here, and the next thing I put down is, of course, even if our motives are good. Now it says on page 61, go to 61. And I love this. AndI missed us a few times when we read this. Go to the second paragraph there. It says, He becomes on the next occasion still more demanding or gracious as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Now I want you everybody to read the three words. It says admitting he may be what? You hear that? Admitting that he may somewhat at fault. Maybe a little bit, right? He is sure that other people are more to blame. We got to be blameless. That's in the other deal too. That's in the other book, in that other book that the pastor is talking about and the priest. We've got to be blameless. It's nobody's fault but mine, you see? And I've got get down to what part did I play in this deal of getting me to where I am right now. Even if somebody else did wrong me, then I've gotta pray for them. There's an out for that too. Because either that or I'm gonna live in resentment. And I don't want to do that either. I want to live in congruence. I want it to be curt. I want everybody to be happy, joyous and free and spiritual, man. You know, I want those good vibes, man and I wanna be in harmony and stuff. I like that stuff. I don't wanna be negative. You ever been around negative people? I mean, just negative, sarcastic. You know what's sarcasm? What does sarcasm mean? Anybody know the real definition? Because I do. What does it mean? Oh, you got it. To tear flesh is sarc- And that's what sarcasm does. Some people, oh, I'm really sarcastic, everyone wants me to grow up, like, well, I'M REALLY SARCASTIC I'm thinking, and you're really gone. No offense, because I'm not playing. Homie don't play that at all. Not even a little bit. I don't, I don'T. I'm NOT impressed. I'm NOT impressed with your sarcasm. Because then, you know, some people know, hey jerk, hey weasel. I mean like, I'M NOT coming back at you for the better one either. It's not who I am. It DON'T make me feel good. It DONT let me live in recovery. You know? And I'll tell you what, here's another thing. I don' t know about you people, and I'm pretty sure I know you pretty good. I used to be called a lot of names out there. You know, just names. Not good names. And today, I don't accept that from anybody. Only about you. Sometimes you ever walk away and say, oh, I wish I would have said something when they called me that? Did you ever do that? Say something! Don't let them do it to you and see how good it makes you feel. I tell this to my sponsors all the time. Yo, so-and-so called me a jackass the other day in a meeting. I said, what'd you do? I said wow, I'm just pissed at him. Say something. Don't accept it. I have people, I have a girl at work that, you know, likes to call me names just because who she calls everybody names. And every time she does it, I say, Denise. She says, I'm sorry, Robbie. I'm Sorry. I didn't mean that. No, I try to break her away because I don't, I am not a jerk. Okay? I am NOT an a-hole. Okay? You know, I've been called those names and had to live in them and feel them. You see what I'm saying? and I lived in those names for a long, and I was that type of person because of all the stuff I put up. But now I'm a child of God. You want to call me that? Okay. Remember walking into an AA group with five years of sobriety, just like I did tonight with 29 years. Here's me. This is who I am. You ready? I'm going to show you who I are. And I love this. And don't be afraid of being like this. This is me when I come into a room, right? Hold on. Okay. How you doing? And I remember doing this when I was new, right? This is my stuff, okay? I remember do this when i was new and I walked into the 12-step house where we all belong to now. And the guy said in the back, oh here comes little Bill W. Five years I was the GSR of the group. I was making coffee that night, Kurt. And I'll tell you what, that upset me so much I almost drank. And I told my sponsor. I think it's still on, isn't it? Yeah. It's still one? Put that in. Okay, thank you. And thank you, Kurt, by the way. But I remember telling my sponsor, I called my sponsor up and, you know, with that phone, you know what I mean? You know, this was 23 years ago. And I said, yo, Spons, I said Bedhead Henry just called me Little Bill W. And after he got done laughing, he reminded me of you know what my parents used to call me he reminded me of what my little sister when i would call home from the mental hospital and the kind of things that she would say before she hung up the phone on me and uh he would remind me the things that other prisoners called me when i was in a joint or other guards had what the name that they would call me as i was an inmate and he said robbie i never want you to forget this if anybody ever gives you a name that has a nickname that has to do with the fellowship and the program that you and I belong to called Alcoholics Anonymous here's what I want you to do next time say thank you never forgot that that dude was envious jealous I don't know what he was but um so today you know you will be persecuted if you're an active member of AlcoholicsAnonymous just guarantee It's in the other thing too, you know, but in that other big book. But you will be persecuted if you live for goodness, okay? If you live to help others, you will being persecuted. If you're a good person, you'll be persecuted. If you are a happy person, your done. Put a fork in you. People hate us happy people. I'm happy, joyous and free. I can't help it. I got sober and I love this daggone program and I practice the principles and you know what I mean? I do the right things. I've been working on my character instead of my comfort. I probably can't get that on the dress because I got all this stuff on. But so the reality of it is people will persecute you if you're a happy person, if you rejoice and you're free, if you are a positive person. Be persecuted. Take it. But don't accept people treating you less than you are because you now are a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Yeah, what do you got? This step is making me feel schizophrenic. Okay. Because I don't rise above and be a big person and I don't know when to not say something and I pray I'm helping an older woman and all my mother's friends are saying she's taking advantage of me it looks like it's a good thing and then I see in the book even with good motives we can be running the show and I'm like ready a woman asked me for a ride to a meeting tonight I said no I'm meeting my sponsor well how far away is your sponsor and I said go and I meet my sponsor and she kept trying to get me to pull through with my story. So I know hanging up's not right, but I'm still dealing with this. Now at this point, somebody who's rude to me in the store says I have schizophrenia. Say something. Don't say something. Talk to God. Talk to your God and then it's like you're a sucker and you're an abuser. Excuse my French. Sorry. Because I come in... Pass this down. Here, hold this. Hold my coin for a second. Tell me what it says around the round part. Oh, it does. What does that mean? What does that mean to you? Why do we say that here in Alcoholics Anonymous? Okay. Oh, that's a great answer. That's a good answer. I love that answer. I hear you. Yeah. So then I go back to help her, and then my mom is saying, you're a sucker. And now I'm like, but I have 93, so I can't confront her because that's too, you know. And I have, and she forgets anyway, so all right. I'm fucked. I'm fucking. I have already taken the third step, and I guess I need to take it again. The first time I was brought to tears sitting here tonight like, wow. I love it. That's good. We're up in the right room. And there's nobody else fucking me. I'm just fucking myself. You are growing up. How long have you been sober? Can I ask? I just celebrated seven months. I've been here a long time. I didn't ask you that. I asked you how long you've been sober. I've tried this a long times. I don't care. I said, how long have we been in AA? In AA? I walked in AA. Right now, how much time have you had? How long you been sober? Seven months, right? That's all I asked ya. Because that's what you have right now. You're at a seven month curve. Okay? And when we're there, you sound to me... I know you don't want to hear this. You're right about where you belong. But keep going. At seven months, I was living with a family 750 miles away from here. I was unwanted from the law from Philadelphia. I was hearing voices, and I didn't drink! And I didn'T drug! I didn' t cave into nothing! I stayed here in AA. And it says we got to get that faith that works under all conditions. You're doing good. No, you really are. I hate to say that. It doesn't... Yeah. You, yourself and I, you're all three of us are doing good? No, seriously. If you got it down to three, you're doing great. Some of us got like 18, you know? Multiple person. I'm talking about years. you're doing thank you though that's the kind of thing just raise your hand if you got something to say the big thing is we're going to end at nine o'clock tonight no matter what we will finish this we will take the third step together and God will bring into this I never get um like time time oh oh my god God will handle that you know he'll have we'll go through it we got to go through tonight so if you've got something you want to get off your chest or you want to say something just raise Your hand I'll stop what I'm doing that's how we do it in our group don't we? And we'll just talk about it. Okay, so we got to stop playing the blame game on 61. We don't want to be angry, indigent, or self-pitying. It says even in our best moments on 61, we're a producer of what? Chaos. And what else? Confusion. That's right. We're a producer of chaos and confusion. Bill Wilson says we're children of chaos. You know, I've talked about that the last time I was here with the sledgehammer guy. A lot of us feel more comfortable in chaos. A lof of us, and I hate to say this about you, I bet you right now things are going good in your life. I bet any amount of money there's a certain extent of your life that's gone nice now. Inside my heart. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. And that's what's uncomfortable. And that' what's uncomfortable with us. Because we're used to being beat up and fed up and shut up. You know, we're not used to living in this congruence with, look at all your girls around you. Are you kidding me? Let me give you a quick example and I'll shut up. Yeah, then I'll get the sale. Go ahead, give me a quick sample. All right, I have no gifts for my kids for Christmas. All right. Last year I stole all their gifts. See that? I used all their money for drugs. So this year I have nothing but it's me they have back. And society tells me I should donate toys for things like that. It's about the gift. And so I'm like that back and forth. Oh, I love this. What is your first name? Mimi. Mimi. I like you, Mimi. So, thank you. Like, I can rob the old lady and give my kids gifts or I can keep doing what I'm doing. Yeah. It just sucks. I know. I love that. Thank you, Minnie. Thanks for sharing with us. That's great stuff. Sal, what do you got? Tonight it was, I went to visit my son. Right. I finally got into it with my son's mother's mom. Okay. And she told me I ruined their life tonight. Hmm. She told me that I ruined their life. And I told her, well, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm going to be here. You know what I mean? And she said, what are you going to get thrown in our ass for the rest of our lives? I said, I promise you one day that baby's going to come home. That's right. And I walked out the door. Good. I thank you for sharing that with us. That's why a lot of people don't stay sober they get confronted with a situation that not only do they not come to this meeting that yet you had planned to come to oh well it's me oh well which me you know she told me that uh she never wanted me in her family from the beginning i hear you yep keep walking forward keep sharing that with us let your buddies know stay close to your buddies because we've all been there I've had to get reunited with my family and it will happen we got some great great rewards in this program oh I almost forgot There is a seventh tradition that we're fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. If you got an extra dollar, some of these green things, put it in the basket, and the group would really appreciate it. It helps pay for the coffee and the donuts and the sugar and the cookies. We've got Chips Ahoy with extra chocolate chips over there. Help yourself. And I'm going to continue to go on. Now remember, put money in the bucket, but let's continue to work. to work. You ready? Everybody turn to page 62 in your big books. 62. The top of the page and it says, and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Oh boy. Okay. Whatever our protestations and here comes Mimi are not most of us and Sal concerned with ourselves, our resentments or our self-pity. So we got to get out of that. That's the negative. That's The Darkness, those words. So then we go into it. Let's all read, every one of us in the room. You ready with selfishness? Let's All Read That Sentence Together and read it the way it says it. Okay, you ready? There's an exclamation point there. Here we go. Selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our problems. Good stuff. And I'll tell you what, we could talk about that forever. So my question to you in the group, Selfishness. Who says that AA is a selfish program? Just asking a question. Is AA a selfish program? Alright, well hold on. I'm hearing some yeses. What do you got, Marcus? I might be setting you up with that question by the way. Be careful. Go ahead. I think it's both a selfish and selfless program. Okay, so somebody read me somebody tell me the definition of selfish. Now I'm going to be an attorney for a second. What's the definition of selfish? Anybody? I'll tell you, caring only for one's self. I ask you, does that describe Alcoholics Anonymous? Thank you. AA is not a selfish program in any way, shape, or form. Not even close. Yes, Adam. I'll get back to you. I think it's a self-abandonment program. Ooh, okay. Selfless maybe? Self-abandonded? Same thing? Okay. What I'm getting at is I hear a lot of, sometimes you hear, yeah, AA is a selfish program man and i know what you're saying i know what they're saying they're seeing if i don't i got sometimes you got somebody at home saying you gotta go one of those meetings again i know that we hear that what about your kids you know i mean what about the bills you're not those beans you care about more about them guys or girls than you care about us we've heard it all haven't we and so you and then and the guy comes here or the girl comes here all flustered i don'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO THIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT'S WORRIED WITH ME AND I GOTTA BE SELFISH ABOUT THIS Selfish means caring only for oneself. If you have a good sponsor, your sponsor will come and meet your family and your sponsor will explain to your family how important it is for the new alcohol to hang out with us for a while. You see? But then they'll also explain to the wife that's sitting there not understanding and say, listen, we're going to get him back to you. We're going return him as a whole man at a date of time. Hang in there with us. It says right in the book there's times where you may think he don't care about you anymore. You see the alcoholic when you read about the family afterwards, which we'll get to eventually. So there's a lot in there, but this sentence right here specifically deals with selfishness and self-centeredness. That we think is the root of our problem. Something tells me if that's the root OF our problems, we're not going to use that to describe what we're doing today in recovery, right? So let's read the rest. Driven by a hundred forms of fear. Let's read it together. Self-delusion, self-seeking, and self pity. We We step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, whatever that is. But we invariably find that at some time in the past, we have made decisions based on what? Uh-huh. Which later placed us in a position to be hurt. So it says here, so root. So root is, if that's the root of our problem, root stands for source, right? So if the source of our problem is selfishness and self-centeredness, that means if selfishness is caring only for oneself, who do I got to care for? Yeah. Yeah, Tony. And that almost doesn't make sense. That almost, how can I care for Tony or Debbie and I don't even care for myself yet? Try it. Try it, page 69 says. We're going to eventually get to that. If you're having problems with sex, go help somebody else. How does that work? Weird, man. I'm going to tell you how it works because you're out of your head. All of a sudden, you're not single anymore. Okay? All of the sudden, it might not work, but you're not thinking about it anymore. You with me? And all of a suddenly, you think about your girlfriend and you want to help that night. Well, your four girls are going to go over there with that one girl that's really hurting and crying after the meeting. And you guys are going take her out to one of your apartments and do those things you girls do. Whatever that is. Garden together, whatever. You hear me? And the guys are going to do the same thing. I know with us guys, we go out to diners. We hang out outside usually with the smokes. Acting like tough guys. Yeah, man. Tough job. There's a lot of chicks to go to in the morning. Are you going back tomorrow night? Whatever us guys do. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know. I'm telling the truth, Jimmy, ain't I? But the reality of it is is that we get out of ourselves and we start realizing that we can help others. I love it when people in our group say, if you got seven months, help somebody with two months. Okay? Don't act like I got seven month and I'm screwed up and the whole group's gotta help me. Act like I've got seven moths. Who can I help tonight? You know what I mean? Who can help by my sharing? If you got 27 days, help someone with three days. Help somebody with three weeks. Because you've been doing this for over three weeks already. Look at the positive. And that's what I got taught. You know, I hate going to groups. I've been to big book studies and I walked in and I walked out. And they said, if you haven't taken the 12 steps at all, don't turn around, you can't share. And I'm like, see ya. Because I've got to experience this. I've gotta learn. I think our Mimi with seven months is able to enrich us. Sal, what he's going through, is able to enrich us. The newest of newcomers can teach us so-called old timers, you know, or those who are going through the steps. They could teach us some new ideas and allow us to be open-minded. I'd love that stuff. All right, so let's go further down on 62, the bottom of the page. And this is real important. We're going to get to the keystone idea down here. And this has big, big, Big Stuff. Okay, it says that above everything else, we must be rid of selfishness. We must or what? It kills us. And then it says, God makes that possible. Do everybody see that? It's on 62 near the bottom and it says and there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self, okay? Without whose aid? Isn't that capitalized? You see that our founders weren't afraid to do this. They did this for a reason, okay. His aid capitalized. Many of us had moral philosophical convictions galore but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to neither could we reduce our what? yeah I mean that has always been a problem of mine and I grew up with sisters and my mom said oh you know you're always I was always in the bathroom longer than my sisters you know getting ready for a date or something getting ready to go to all they're like dude you know my mom's like yo dude people aren't even going to realize what you're wearing tonight just go out please your sisters want to use the bathroom you know so when so when it talked about self-centeredness I get that. I know what self-centered means. You know, you don't... Seriously, people in this room are thinking about themselves. I knew yous are. You know? I thought, oh, what suit am I going to wear at night? It doesn't matter. They won't remember what I wore last week. They're too worried about what they wore and what they're going to wear this week. You know what I mean? And that's the truth if we think about it psychologically. So remember, we've got to get out of that self-centerness. And it says by wishing or trying on our own power we had to have whose help? It's all through this. It's wrought right all through this. It says, this is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that here and hereafter in the drive of life, God was going to be our director, okay? He is the principal, and we are His agents. I like to say students. He is The Father, and We Are His Children. I love that. I'm good with being a child of God. I've been a lot of things in my life, man, and I'm Good With Being A Child Of God. I really am. It's right there. It's okay. I call people Brother Kurt. I call you that. We call each other that all the time on Facebook. Hey, Brother Rob, man, thanks for coming over. They said, oh, Brother Kurt, my pleasure. And I know there's people reading that thinking, oh, look at these religious zealots. So what? Let them think what they want. That's my brother. You know, Brother Jimmy. No, we're sober together. You know what I mean, brother? How many times do I call your brother? Do I call him Brother Marcus? Huh? Huh? A lot, don't I, dude? And how long have we known each other? couple months it's my boy you know and and that's because we're brothers we're brothers in a common mission why not have a lot of brothers and sisters that's a good deal man it said here it is now somebody underlined this most good ideas are simple and this concept was the what keystone of the new and triumphant arch bill wilson loves arches i'll talk about arches all throughout the day through which we pass to freedom. So I put down here in my notes the keystone idea that we are children of God. Now, whatever worked there for you, principal, students, principal, agents, director, whatever works for you. Okay? God's a director. For me, I like the fact that he's my father and I'm his child. And for me, it's a keystone idea. The keystone of a foundation means if that's in place good, you can go about the rest of your deal. Well, my keystone deal is that I've got to have a relationship with a God. Not with Dennis. Okay? Not with Doug. Not with Marcus. Not with Betty. Not with Jimmy A or Jimmy 2. Okay? Debbie or Tony. But I've Got to Have a Relationship with a god. All the rest will happen if it's his will. You see? And if he thinks that you're going to be good in my life. And I'll go one step further and just jump on Mimi's thing for a second there. you know love and tolerance of others is our code but you know what and I get that and I feel that and that means that I have love and talents of others and everything I do except if you're going to like be attacking me don't go away mad just go away seriously I don't have time for that my life I've been abused I know what it feels like I've Been Really Really Abused I Know What It Feels like. And if I feel that from you, I'm not going to have to tell you off. But you are not going to be in my life. You don't belong in my life. And as far as I'm concerned, that's OK. You know, I don't have to. Oh, this person's got to be in mijn leven. You know because it's no, you don't. Yes. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah. You want my Facebook? You want my face? Because that's on my page right now. I ain't got time to hate people because I'm too busy loving, I don't got Time to Hate the people that hate me because I've got too busy loving the people who love me. That's good stuff, dude. It might be a little negative, but I like it. You know, we can't be, we're not white as angels. You know when we come here to AA, we still got some of our defects of character. But we also find, I think a part of recovery, tell me if you agree with this, a part is recovery is knowing our limitations today. I know what I can handle today the longer I've been sober. And there's certain things that I can't handle, and so I don't put myself in those positions anymore. And when I get caught up in that position, and I realize it for what it is, I'm out of it. Quietly. You know, I don' t want to make a big scene, and I'm not going to tell you what a, you know what I think you are. Nice talking to you. Okay? I'm good. Good. Nice. I'll talk to you later. I'll see you at the next meeting. And I run! Okay? Because I don''t have to be a part, I don't have to allow my life to be unharmonized. You can if you want. If you're afraid to stick up for yourself, I'm not anymore. Don't get me wrong. We got to be careful like Mimi said. You know, we got to Be careful we don't get the bad out. We don't give the Louisville slobbers like, you know who I am? Bang! Now you do? I'll be back. I'm going to a meeting. No, no, no. Relax. I didn't tell you to do that. Okay. Let's go to page 63. This is fun. Ain't this fun? We have fun. You never know what I'm going to say. That's probably why it's fun. Okay, page 63. Oh, this is great. Top of page 63, I could go over this for the next 20 minutes. It says, let's read the first sentence together, ending with followed. You ready? When we said, Shealy took a such position, all sorts of what kind of things? Ouch! Remarkable things followed. Okay, anybody in the crowd, tell me a remarkable thing that's happened because you're sober. Something remarkable to you. It might not be to us, but it might be to you Get ahead, dude Ouch Oh And why is that remarkable? To you See that? Good answer Somebody else, a remarkable thing that's happened to you Did I see a hand over here? Oh, you're just fixing your hair? A remarkable thing That's happened in somebody's room Yes, go ahead, Barb My mother came to stay with me this summer, and I was really looking forward to it. Nice. I love that. That's remarkable. People that would never. Yeah. Jimmy, do you got your hand up or are you saying hi to your DCM? Okay. Young lady here with the hat on. Hi. I was able to share with a cousin that he, I don't know him very well. He's 82. He just passed away. But a couple months ago, he told me he had been in the program 35 years. Wow. I mean, we never talked in our lives. Yeah. And then I was able to tell you how this is going to go. Great stuff. Thank you. Anybody else? Anything they want to share with the group? Something remarkable that's happened to you because you're staying sober and alcoholics and honest that you never thought would happen? Marianne? My family actually came to me for words of advice and wisdom regarding the treatment and helping my niece that she's in. See, that's the kind of things. And Mimi, and then Tim. I pretty much on a daily basis feel fearless. You know, I have fear of dying, fear of this, fear of that, fear of all those. So that's pretty amazing to me. That is, and that's because you're seven months. You're doing the right thing. Tim? I am not confident in this question. Bobby, I mean his stuff comes back to me, but two years ago I had done work for the judge. I took my license the first time. And I worked for the police department when they took my license the second time, when we talked to the police. Wow. It's the kind of stuff that God connects with. And I don't even think about it. When you ask questions like this, it just comes back to me. How can I do that stuff? It's amazing how God connects us all. Good stuff. Sal, do you have your hand up? Mmm. That's the end of the fifth step. It says we can be alone. One of the rewards of step five. We can be Alone at Perfect Ease and Comfort. You know, that's good stuff. I love going away. I go away a lot by myself because I get a chance to speak sometimes, and I'm by myself. And my host is always like, oh, Doug, what are you doing? I say, I'm cool, man. I'll be down in the jacuzzi. Oh, I want to get you. He says, whatever, dude, I'll see you down there. Like, I don't – I'm good, man。 Me and God are going to hang, man». We might be in the Jacuzzi, we might be on the exerciser, but we're good, men. You know? Like, you can be alone, Sal. Isn't that good stuff? So let's go to top of 63. we're still going this is it's going to get deep now you ready here we go it says and now here's here's where i'm going to take some of the fun out of it because now we're going to start doing some work like a lot of what we really in one to three we're doing a lot principles principle we're trying to learn these new principles and have you had a new thing flowing but now i'm gonna bill wilson every once in a while will give you the plan of action he's already given us a problem he's given us a solution and nowhere's the program of action you ready it says we had A new employer. That's good, right? He's still being nice. He's going to suck you real close. Here it comes. Being all powerful, he provided what we need. Now here it is. Here's the work. If we kept close to him and performed his work well. That sounds like work to me. How do we stay close to them? How do мы stay closeとهم? Help. Prayer. Hanging out in places like this. We stay close то him. Right? How do WE perform his work? Well, help others. Thank you. So in other words, thank you. It's saying work the program right here. Then there's going to be more here. Established on such a footing, we became less. Oh, now here is promises. Okay, I want somebody to read this loud. Who's got a good voice? All right, Tony. I want you to read because I'm going to be saying things as you're reading it. He provided what we needed. Go there. Say it loud. Go ahead. Joe, just write what you said. He provided what we needed if. He provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work well. Established on such footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more, we began interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. And we felt new power flow in. We enjoyed peace of mind as we discovered we could face life successfully. It's time out. Got to stop there. We can face life successfully. A lot of people have a problem with that. They sabotage it. They go back to drinking and drugging because they're not comfortable with happiness. It sounds crazy, doesn't it? But they can't handle success. Everything's going good and the bills are kind of paid and they got their first apartment and you see them and they're doing so good. They got a new car. They got licensed. It's registered. And sure, they got four hubcaps. They're doing good. And then all of a sudden, Debbie, you're at the meeting and say the girl's name is Betty. And you're saying, did you hear about Betty? Oh, yeah, she got a new car. No, she's drinking. What? What? And it's always the person that has just worked and worked and you think they're there. I think they skimped on something. We're going to talk about that in three weeks. They skimmed on the mortar that has to go in their foundation. We're dealing these first three weeks, we're talking about mortar. We're talking About our foundation. We're talking about unshakable foundations. I'm about an unshakables foundation. I'm not about watered-down sobriety. I'm no about going to meetings and just sitting there and not saying nothing. I'm a dude that's been to prisons, rehabs, mental hospitals, Salvation Armies, rehab, soup kitchens. You know what I mean? I ain't got time for your shenanigans or your tomfoolery. Leave me alone. Stay away from me. but if this is the most dynamic thing in your life and you're working hard to stay sober I'll do whatever I'm there right dude I'm at that troll step house doing Monday night football doing stupid snaps with these guys I love yous you know what I mean listen to this Listen to this. Shh, shh. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, I like that. Ooh. Wasn't that hard? Mmm. And you really don't have a hard time. And actually, I have to ask help for that. You know what I'm saying? I do too. Because my part was that. It was my part to go home. I mean, it does make sense, I guess. No, it doesn't. Get ready, Tony. You ready, Toni? Thank you. Continue to read. Now listen to this. As we became what? Conscious of something, kid. Okay, as we became conscious of his presence. Stop. Stop. That is so big. We become conscious of his presence I'm so excited man when I'm like I'm on the beach and no one's around and I'm conscious of His presence and I get over what would he motion at church yesterday, I'll give you a for instance I'm by myself, I'm okay with that my daughter's having to sleep over to BFFs and daddy's got the morning off and I went to church My preacher's like 10 times crazier than me. You'd love him, my pastor, Pastor Rudy. And he's fired up up there, and then all of a sudden we're doing this song, I forget what it was. I started crying. You hear me? I felt his, that's how you know, by the way. You could feel, I felt His presence. Because at first I was like, what does that do with the hat looking at me? Screw it, I'm singing. I'm in the mood. It's a good song, you know. We've got a good choir. And I felt its presence, Tony. I felt his presence flow in. I am telling you, if that's not a reward, nothing is. I used to wait for the feeling of the drug to take over. The alcohol. Do you feel me? And now there's so much more than that here. If you get the book and start doing this to it. Okay? Start writing stuff. Drop it. Make it fall. Kick it. Do something. You know what I mean? Because I use it. I want it to look good when I go to my next convention. You know What I mean. If your book's not falling apart, you probably are. Right? You like that? Continue reading real fast. We begin to lose our fear of today, tomorrow. You hear that? Promise. Or the hereafter. We begin the lose the fear of today. We lost the fear. Who just talked about that? You didn't, Mimi. Go ahead. We were rebuffed. Oh, isn't that great? That is a promise, ladies and gentlemen. That's your third step promise. So what does that bring us to? Hmm. Oh, it brings us to the third step prayer. And we all know that, don't we? Okay. So let's open to page 63. Got about seven, eight minutes just where I was hoping we'd be. It says we are now at step three. And it says many of us say it to our maker as we understand him. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to ask you if you're willing to take third step with me. Who's willing to takes step three with me right now? Now, you don't have to if you don' t want to. but I'd like to take step three with all of you and there's only one way to do it everybody get up, everybody stand up first just stand up everybody standup now if you don't want to do it your next job is to sit down okay but I like to ask you just to move your chairs out and to get on your knees if you can, now ifyou can't because of your health just stay on your seat and I'm okay with that, we're all okay with that. This is all about your relationship. All right, listen up. Listen up. Come to come, come. All here we go. You ready now? I just want 30 seconds, 30 seconds. Just invite a power greater than yourself, into this room. Okay? Go ahead. Invite him into your heart or her or it. just feel your breathing when you open up your eyes I want you to pray this prayer like you've never prayed it before act like you're just talking to your God and we're going to do it tonight in a little different way as I love to do We're going to whisper it. I want you to whisper like there's a baby sleeping two doors away. And if you're real quiet, you know what I mean? Just be quiet so you can enjoy whatever you want to enjoy. Ten more seconds and we're going through the third step prayer like this. When I say God, everybody else follow in. God, I offer myself to thee To build with me and to do with me as thou wilt Believe me of the bondage of self That I may better do thy will Take away my difficulties That victory over them May bear witness To those that I would help Of thy power, thy love And thy way of life May I do what I will always Thank you. Have a seat. All right, listen up. Just have a seat Come on, this is the last. This is very important. Anybody watch football? Anybody watch baseball? There's two minutes to go and you got the ball and you're down six points, okay? Stay focused. You gotta get in the end zone now. Everybody stays focused. We do this together or we die together or we lose. Stay focused Here's what I'm saying to you at this point. We've all just taken the third step. Now, wasn't that easy? I'm sorry. Wasn't that easily? That was easy. It's not the boogeyman here. These steps are like easy. The big thing is that we do them. That we don't just not drink and go to meetings and think these things are going to happen. I got news, ladies and gentlemen. This is not an easy deal, this staying sober. A lot of people don't act like me and stay here for year and year and continue to give it away and give it to the best of their ability or even have a willingness to drive a couple minutes to go hang out so you've got to continue I have to continue to ask for that in the morning and stay away from the big shotism and the ego and bring in harmony and love and dudes I'm telling you right now you guys are going to get to know me in three weeks if you're here because dudes I am not what you see people I am NOT what you SEE I am telling you I am one of the most sensitive people in the world and people take shots at me all the time. At work, they call me Patrick Swayze because I've got long hair. And it's a bald head dude that does it. So I hear this crap all of the time, hey, Patrick, how you doing? What's your next movie, dude? And I'm like you. I want to say, I'll tell you what my next movie is. I didn't say it because I used to be at places It's because of my anger and emotionalism. And today I was like, you're funny, dude. Thank you, Kojak. And I walk away, you know? I don't say that. I don' t say that, Tony. But the reality of it is, I'm really, even though I've been sober a little while, living sober is not easy, you now? You know, it just isn't. I still believe this with all my heart and soul. And when you go to an AA meeting and somebody says, oh, my God, you made it! They're going to love the steps. They're fun. Run like hell. They're probably not telling you the truth. For me, it sucked doing these steps. Every one of them. I didn't like any of them, I fought them every step of the way. Hated them. You know what I mean, guys? It's like at the end of the day and your girlfriend wants to talk. I want her to talk about it. I don't want to talk, call your girlfriend. You know, I mean like, you know what i mean? It's not fun, but you got to deal with it. You know what I mean? And it's the same thing here. Just deal with it and get past it. It's good to laugh, isn't it? All right, so we're going to end with this. Thank you, everybody. You guys are great because I've done this in North Carolina. And they talk a lot. Tom I got me to come down there. And I'm telling you, they're all looking at me like, yo, dude, get decaf or something, you know? Like, they didn't understand that this is how we are in Jersey. You know, you guys, I fit right in with you guys. You know what I mean? All right, now listen to this. I'm going to end with this. I just think this is the coolest thing in the world. I looked up the origins of what I'm getting ready to read to you. And it was originally, this is part of a past delegate's report to the General Service Conference of Alcoholics Anonymous in the 70s, okay? And I'm a past delegate, so I thought that was pretty cool, you know? And so now it's been changed and it's an older a lot, but I found this. You can see it's very weathered and torn. In a spiritual book that I got at a bookstore. And it was at, I stand by the door. Or actually my sponsor gave it to me and it was in there. So here we go. You ready? And I call it God is knocking. Let's end with this. God in his wisdom has selected this group of men and women to be the purveyors of his goodness and selecting them through whom to bring about this phenomenon. He went not to the proud, not to The mighty, not of the famous or the brilliant He went to the humble He went into the sick He went unto the unfortunate He went right to the drunkard The so called weakling of the world Well mighty have said to us Unto your weak and feeble hands I've entrusted a power beyond estimate To you that have been given that which Had been denied the most learned of your fellows Not to scientists Or statesmen not to wives or to mothers, not even to my priests or ministers have I given this gift of healing other alcoholics which I entrust to you. It must be used unselfishly. It carries with it grave responsibility. No day can be too long. No demands upon your time can be Too Great or Too Urgent. No case too pliable. No task too hard. No effort too great. It must be used with tolerance, for I have restricted its application to no race, no creed, and no denomination. Personal criticism? You bet. Lack of appreciation? Oh yeah. Ridicule will be your lot. Your motives will be misjudged. Success will not always attend your efforts in your work with other alcoholics. Again, amen there. You must be prepared for adversity. For what men call adversity is the ladder that you must use to ascend the rungs towards spiritual perfection. And remember, in the exercise of this power, I shall never exact of you beyond your capabilities. If I had wanted learned men or women to accomplish this mission, the power would have been entrusted to the physician and the scientist. If I hade wanted eloquent men and women, there would have bee many anxious for the assignment. For talk is the easiest used of all talents with which I have endowed mankind. If I had wanted scholarly men and women, the world is filled with better-qualified men and women than are here tonight. You see, ladies and gentlemen, you were selected because you have been the outcast of the world and your long experience as drunkards has made or should make you humbly alert to the cries of distress that come from the lonely hearts of alcoholics everywhere. Keep ever in mind the admission you have made on the day of your entrance into this awesome program we call Alcoholics Anonymous, namely that you are powerless and it is only with your willingness to turn your will and your life into my keeping that relief will come to you. So when God knocks on your door, will you answer? Or more importantly, will you be listening? Please, we old timers of AA beg of you help God's kids. God is knocking, and He's out there. I am telling you. And if you... There's people in this room that can only get to a certain person. You know what I mean? Not a priest, not even a father or a mother or a husband or a wife, not even an adult. Not even a child. But you can because of what you've been through. I can because of What I've Been Through. And you know what we mean? And we can hear that cries of distress when somebody else might say, oh, you're doing it again, Bonnie. Stop it. We can't deal with it anymore. And then one of your girlfriends can say, Bonnie, honey, we'll be right over, baby. We are here for you. So join our fellowship. Not the meetings! Join our fellowship Be at one... Look at these guys. That group out there in Barnegat. Look at this, what we call sunshine or sunrise group. I love the sunrise. You know what I mean? You know, what's your group called, Jimmy? Designed for Living Group. Oh, you guys are, all your group, you guys hang out together. That's good stuff. You know John Boyle and Cora don't like that by the way. New will be persecuted. He doesn't like it. He wants to tear us apart but we hang together or we'll die separately. So man, I love yous all. So the only thing, I'll end with this. We're gonna meet, when we're gonna met the first Friday. No, what's today? Monday? The first Monday of January. Is that correct? So we're going to meet here again the first Monday January. But again I warn you bring your emotional sobriety. If you're not ready for step four do not come. I mean that. We're going get down and dirty. We're gonna get deep. I'm gonna get deep. We're gunna dig in there. We gunna take it in and pull it out. And we're guna talk about it. We're guan deal with it if you're willing. Okay, flaky group? You coming, cuz? You coming? All right, we need you. All right. With that, we have a nice way of closing if you care to join us. Good job. That was fun, man. I'm having fun. Good stuff. Thank you, brother. Feels good. Come on, bar. Where's Michael? Look what I brought. Where's Mike? Where's my client? Well, guess what? You give this to him when he gets here. I bought a three-month coin for him. Today is his 90 days. Okay? You're welcome. I was thinking about them. I don't just say it. Come on in. Come on In. Is everybody hooked up? Come on, hook up. We all hooked up. You fixing it? Rob, you okay back there? Okay, brother. Okay, thank you, everybody. I want to wish everybody, you know, happy holidays here. You know, don't get too stressed out. The gifts will come somehow, some way. I want to thank everybody that shared tonight. Please keep in mind, anything you heard here stays here, especially next time when we start meeting in January where we're going to really start getting into some really tougher steps. Obviously, you're not going to take your whole... We're going do four next week, but we're really going to talk about how to do it properly, I believe. Okay? At least how I learned how to doing it how to properly out of the book. And so we're not gonna actually take your hole for a step, but we'RE gonna get down and dirty so we know how to DO it. So if you haven't done it... Now, I'm gonna tell you what else I'm going to do. I want you to get my card tonight if you want me to have a copy of what I give them my sponsees to do their four-step and in fact I will email it to you before the meeting if you'd like it I have it all online okay so just let me know get my cord before you leave here tonight I'll be willing to give it to you we'll talk about if not just come in January the first Monday and we'll just just come with that I was kind of doing some psychology because your alcoholics I figure you'll all come if I did it the way I did it. Okay? I wasn't saying not to come. I know how you are. You know, you'll come just to see what the heck I'm talking about. So that's good. Come back in January. We'll have a good time. And with that, we have a nice way of closing with the Lord's Prayer. If you can't join us, but it's in our special way here at this group. What's this called? The little big book study thing? What's it called? What's his group called? Big Book Workshop. The New Life Big Book workshop. The way we close while I'm here is we whisper to our father because it's different and maybe you'll remember it on my cue our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day that we pray and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen. Good meeting. Good meeting! Like the Who's down in Whoville. That's right. Good to see you. Yeah. Hi, and thank you for listening to the New Life Big Book Step Study Workshop. please remember that these recordings are copyrighted and that duplication for the purposes of selling them are strictly prohibited by law however you are welcome to share them freely with anyone whose sobriety may be helped we do this for fun and for free you can visit bbsg.org for more workshop recordings and bigbookworkshops.com for workshops in your area. Thank you for listening and have a great day!