Why the Spiritual Malady Is a Deadlier Disease Than the Bottle – Mickey M.

About This Speaker Tape

1311 York Street, Denver. A Victorian mansion where the broken washed up. Mickey M. arrived as a chameleon, a fractured shell who had been drinking since age five. He didn't want sobriety to find peace; he just wanted two weeks where his hands wouldn't be curled up in the morning and he wouldn't feel like a fish thrown onto a sidewalk.

He carried a concrete bunker on his shoulders: the weight of sexual abuse, survivor's guilt from a war he never fought, and a spiritual malady that felt like a deadlier disease than the bottle. He describes a life of "H-bombs" and "blackest darkness," including a period where a loaded .32 automatic sat in his dresser. For Mickey, the bottle was just a way to treat a deeper sickness. He speaks of the "squish bug" caterpillar that must be pulled apart in the dark to emerge. Now a maker of cowboy boots, he warns that no one is "smooth as mayonnaise" and that the spirit is the only thing that keeps the knife away from the wrist.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Mickey M. describes his early drinking habits in Europe and the 'train' he's been on since age five.
• 5:12 Laughter: Story about his sponsor George and the 'naked man vs. naked woman' test.
• 8:20 Mickey M. discusses survivor's guilt and his experience in an orthopedic ward at Fitzsimmons Army Hospital.
• 11:45 Recounts childhood trauma, including being beaten with a rosary by a nun.
• 15:30 Discussion of the 'laundry list' of alcoholic symptoms and the feeling of uselessness.
• 18:10 The story of the 8th-grade swastika prank and the subsequent 'first dance' he missed.
• 22:15 Raw and emotional: Mickey M. discloses childhood sexual abuse and its impact on his self-worth.
• 26:40 The 'non-alcoholic beer' incident and the physical allergy to alcohol.
• 31:10 Mickey M. describes a dark night of the soul on an office floor with a knife at his wrist.
• 35:20 Discussion of the 'Fellowship of the Spirit' and the Breckenridge conference.
• 38:45 Mention of the Big Book as a 'bullshit sifter' and the importance of the text over sponsor opinions.
• 42:10 Closing thoughts on the 'spiritual malady' and the precision of making cowboy boots.