Why the Doctor’s Opinion Is the Foundation of Recovery – Glenn K.

One thing that, yeah, this is off the record, Dan, it is off the record. My life is so scurry that there's no point in trying to keep any of it secret. I, years ago, I would look at some people and I would just know that they had integrity. When I had absolutely none and I could look at them and I knew they had lots of it, isn't that a discomforting feeling? God Almighty, that is a tough deal. You just know that they have it. They just have that wonderful sense of integrity. And when the doctor wrote his first opinion, he said, when talking about some of those early alcoholics, he said, I personally know scores. I know scores of cases who were the type with whom other methods had failed completely. And he goes on to talk. But the most important thing, he says, you may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves. Rely absolutely on anything they may say about themselves. See, we share our truth one with another. And in the process of that, you may get well. I know if you allow me to share my truth with you, I will become more well or at least stay well. That's just a curious little dynamic about how this works. But I always wanted to be able to do that. I just, I wanted to be able to have some integrity. And I thought, my God, you know, I just don't have it. I just, I'm just, I'm not who I'd like to be. And this ties back into that seemingly hopeless state of mind and body because, what I'm talking about now is discovering some of my own truth. And one of the things that I had to finally discover was I do not have the power to be what it is I'd like to be. No matter how much I might wish to be that way, I don't have it. I just don't have the power. And that's part of that hopeless state of mind and body. I can have the best of intentions. The question that I always dearly love to ask in a group like this is, is, is there anybody ridden in the back seat of a patrol car in handcuffs? Has anybody ever done that? Or the front seat, she says. Great. Okay, picture that time when you were in the, and if you haven't done that, think of something else that you might have done and ask yourself, on the morning of the day when that occurred, did you wake up and have a, a plan to be in the back seat of a patrol car with handcuffs on? No, I had different plans than that. I took this step and then this step and then this step and I don't know what happened, but suddenly things were going rapidly downhill and I was trying to explain myself and I got nowhere. I got nowhere. That terrible, terrible powerlessness to not be able to, to be who and what I knew that I wanted to be. I just didn't have the power. And the conflict that arises as a result of having the grandest intentions, but not having the power to live up to those intentions, creates more discomfort than I can bear. And so the alcoholic, it's been my experience, has no choice, but when you get into that conflict, ultimately you have to drink. If my life is lived in such a way that I can't stand it and I don't like the truth about who I am, then I have to have some kind of solution for that. And the solution was simply to drink. I mean, it was just that simple. And it was absolutely necessary to take a drink. I mean, there's no particular drama about that, it just happens to be a fact. So in Texas, there's a lot of integrity. I called my sponsor one day, and I said, you know, God, I don't think I know anything. I mean, I've been in this process for a while, and I was trying to do everything right, and so on and so forth, and I just, oh, I was in a bad spot. And I said, God, I don't know anything. And he started laughing at me. He said, I don't know anything either. I see that's a statement of integrity. I don't know anything. You think about that. Because I'll sit here this morning with you on a beautiful morning in New York, and I'll tell you the same thing, I don't know anything either. We're here together, and at this moment in time, at this second in time, I'll ask you a simple little question. Are you okay? Are you all right? Yeah, so am I. I'm fine. But this is similar to the experience I had the first time I took a drink. Suddenly I was changed, and I was all right. Whatever else had occurred in my life up to that point had been an unknown quantity for me. When I took the drink, boom, I was a different person, and I was okay. It was a little, in a weird way, it was a little touch of the Spirit. But I want to finish off this deal with integrity, talking about integrity. I had a course, because this has to do with what this is all about. Don mentioned to you, we can't stay in inventory. We have to get out there and be open for business. And I had an opportunity here a while back. I wanted to make a business decision, and it had to involve finding someone who had an uncompromising sense of integrity. And I found somebody in our fellowship, happens to be a dear friend. And I knew the quality I was looking for was that uncompromising integrity. And that's what you can have the opportunity to experience in this little deal of ours, is you can get a chance to experience some of the things we've always wanted to experience. Fatima, have you ever thought to yourself, God, I just wish I could start over? I have. I've just, I thought, God, I just wish I could start over. Just wish I could be something else. And this is a marvelous opportunity to experience an entire psychic change as starting over. That's a new mind, and then we get to grow into it. And it's a fantastic opportunity. And you wake up on a morning like this in New York, and you think, my God, you know, I should be in a mental institution someplace, and I'm not. I'm here with some fine friends and a beautiful wife, and I just, this is going to be a grand experience. And I'll leave you with this little thought, and we'll take a break. With the Spirit's help, we'll begin to do some exploration on what is your truth. What's your truth? See, my whole life, people kept telling me what I needed to do. And I thought I could do it. And I tried to do it, and it didn't work. It just never did work. And finally, I was given an opportunity, 13 years sober, to begin to experience the discovery of my own truth in my own way, at my own pace. And it was a grand, grand deal. And for the very first time, you've heard the expression already once this morning, we get to live a life that makes sense to us. I'm living a life that makes perfect sense to me. My family sometimes looks at me, and they're not too sure. But there's no patrol cars in front of the house either. And they like that. Get a chance to discover your own truth. And in a group like that, the Spirit moves among us, and that will be one of the opportunities you'll have. What you do with that opportunity is your call. But you will have an opportunity to discover your own truth. Let's take a little break. Well, it was clear from last night that ten minutes is not enough. You also need to know that I think the most important thing that will occur this weekend is when you're talking with each other. And as long as you're willing to do that, we'll keep these microphones shut down. But since you also want to go to church, you also want to gather as a group, we need to truly be on time for that. So how about we try twenty minutes this time, and then we'll adjust again next time. It's five minutes to ten. A quarter after, I'll be sitting in this chair, and you'll all be sitting in that one ready to go. Okay? Can you hear us equally well? I had to listen to him more than I would me, but that's... Oh, you already are. Okay. . A little bitty touch of history, because I made a promise to remain. Integrity is important to me too. And there's some misinformation that new people get . . . that this book hasn't been changed at all from the beginning, and that's not true. And one of the major changes is a critically important change, and this is not in order to do war, it's simply to inform the fellowship that allowed it to happen to start with, of what we have done to our own message. If you will turn to page one, please, . . . and follow with me. Y'all got it? We enough Alcoholics Anonymous believed that the reader will be interested in the medical Estimate of the plan of recovery. Are you with me? Oh. . . . . . . . . . Well, that's page one in all first edition big books. Now, why is that important? Well, we noticed 15 or so years ago, despite our best efforts, an awful lot of people were going back and drinking. And we would hear a common line that went sort of like, well, I did what you told me, I don't understand. And what they were being told was to read the first 164 pages of this book, which leaves out the doctor's opinion. If you start with a second or third edition, page one is Bill's story. And when I'm new and doing what I'm told, if you tell me to read the first 164 pages, I will miss the foundation of recovery. And they were. So I now belong to a growing number of AA members who have asked, where was I? When this happened? How did that happen? Because we've compiled a large number of Bill's writings that indicated how important he thought it was that this remained page one. And I'm only bringing it up because we are now discussing the possibility of having a fourth edition big book. What a wonderful time to restore the book back to its original condition. Bill's part of Bill's legacy on that, Peter M. It's important that Bill have back a whole collection of articles and books on the ab остs and his life in that other category. Again addition The other version is me calling it that. Theчески that comes through from the start company. In the lite shot I drew. But it's important we ask for it. because I'm interested only in the result. And if I work with you, we'll go clear back to the preface. We no longer use the circle and triangle structurally. We can still use it, you know. It's because of integrity that we don't. I don't know if you know that. If you hold a copyright or a trademark to anything, and someone else uses it, you are required by law to either defend it in court or lose it. And we came upon that decision where we had to either defend the circle and triangle, because there are 55 other organizations that use it, either defend it in court or lose it. And Bill, in his writings, told us, don't trademark any of this, don't copyright any of this stuff. You'd be in trouble if you do, and we did it anyway. And a decision was made, a very wise decision, to let it go into the public domain. We're not going to defend it. So we stopped using it so we don't have to defend it structurally. The groups can still use it, and any day now it's going to go back into the public domain, and when it does, we can use it again, because we won't have to defend it. Interesting spiritual principle. And you need to know that one of our leaders at General Service knew that principle. And applied it. And applied it. And caught all kinds of hell for it. But stood pat. So, just a little historical stuff. This isn't about just read the book and go to meetings. We have a fellowship here that is, as Bill described it, a society within a society. We're not an organization in the normal sense of the word. We are a society within a society. We are a family. We have a charge on us. Not just a job to do. I am charged with making certain that the person that comes through that door in 50 years, when I'm dead and gone, gets the same shot I got. Big charge. Because I know there are better ways of doing this. Well, there are. I tried some of them. They didn't work, but they were better. I've got some things I know are going to make this work better. I just promise you I'll never tell you about them. So, we have before us in this book, more than just a book. We have a report by some people who overcame a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. A report to us about, not only that they did that, but how they did that, precisely. And who to get a hold of, if you would like to do that. Big Book doesn't answer sponsorship. Except in one place. It tells me how to be one. The whole book tells me how to be a sponsor. It doesn't tell me how to find one. But there's one place that tells me exactly how to find one, too. And that's the book. It's called, To Show Others Precisely How We're Recovered. That's our main job. So, if I want to be a sponsor, I should be properly on the facts about myself, be recovered, or even in recovery, that's fine. But I can show you precisely what I'm doing at this point, and what I did to this point, that got me to this point. If that's what you would like. And if I'm new, and I'm looking for a sponsor, find someone who can show me precisely what they did. I'm theoried out. Okay? I better be able to go sit down in my private place and do exactly what you said, and I better, by God, get the results you said I'm going to get, or I won't be back to see you. That's the truth. My life's on the line. And I've had that incredible experience of doing precisely what this said, precisely the way they said it, and every time, got the result. And then I took it out and tested it on some other folks. Damn! Same result. And they took it out and tested it on some others. Same result. You new folks, I can't tell you the joy that comes from meeting somebody, eight, nine, ten generations down, or out, I don't like down, that you've never met, and yet they're getting the same results, and it's because it came through you from somebody eight, nine, ten generations back that-a-way. It's a clear line. But I can't tell you the aggravation that comes when you meet somebody two generations down, that has a new, improved way of doing what you showed somebody else how to do that showed them how to do it. Ahhh! Laughter Laughter My mother told me, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, so I will move on. Laughter So, just a little history of the book. When we say read the book, we really need to know, which book? What are we telling them to do? And since that's open to interpretation, it's just much easier for me to say, why don't you come by my house, and I'll read to you from my book. And my book's going to be a little different in content than yours. Depending on which one I pull off the shelf. And I like this one. This is my original big book. It just falls open where it needs to. It knows more than I do. And so I keep it. And when I'm through with it, just trash it, because there's not much left of it anyway. But mine's a second edition. And if you've got a third edition, there are going to be some early things that will be different. And we need to read both of them, so you can see the little changes that are taking place in the organization you're about to be asked to join. If you join this organization, you don't get to go, just go to meetings, like you would at the Elks. We don't have any dues or fees, so you can't buy your way in. We'll take your money. But we'll trust you. Okay? My old Denver Young People's group used to pass the basket and say, if you have some, put it in. If you don't, take it out. We quit that. And we saw the pot build over here, and on that side of the table, it just dwindled. No, if I belong to this organization, I am charged with the task of responsibly taking on people, taking on people who are dying and going insane, and will without some kind of intervention on my part. Not that I'm smart, but I do have something to offer for people who suffer from alcoholism and are dying and going insane, and I must do that. I don't have any choice. If you really belong to AA, you don't either. And it isn't because we tell you that. It's an inner imperative I was left with. I woke up spiritually, got struck by the Spirit, and you can't shut up. Huh, fatigue. You can't. Riding on a bus, better be careful who you're talking to. If you're talking to me, within a couple of minutes, we're going to be talking about alcoholism and God and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I have to quit riding buses and get self-supporting and drive a car. You can't stop. I am charged with the responsibility of making sure there are places. My compliments to Rick and the guys for this incredible place. They met the task. They gave us a place to meet. But you know we'd meet anyway because it's an inner imperative. If the building had been locked, we'd have found that tent over there. There's nobody in it. Okay? We'd have made it happen. My group, one night, we were irresponsible young people. Only trusted one person with a key and they didn't show up for the meeting. So we went to the park. We had a meeting anyway. You can't stop us. When we're together, we're going to talk. Don't even try. We also had a group conscience and had everybody in the group got a key, which created its own problems. Framework. I'm just talking about framework. I'm talking about the viewpoint, how you see this view. The doctor's opinion is that important because without it, I would not be here. I did not know I was an alcoholic. I could not identify with being an alcoholic until we got... And it wasn't the amount I drank. We got down to what happens when you do drink. I was in my first federal penitentiary. I was 19 years old because of alcoholism. And I didn't know that until the doctor's opinion. And it made it clear. The doctor said he'd been working with men who had been working on a business deal or proposition that would be settled favorably to them on a certain date. They had a drink a day or two before and they missed their appointment. I was given a 24-hour liberty and came back in 23 days. I missed my appointment. Same deal. And why did that happen? There was no reason it happened. I wanted to go with that ship to the war zone. At 19, war on a destroyer is fun. You get to cuss and spit and chew and talk ugly and dirty and fight and throw your weight around and pretend you're big boys. You're on a mission. You're on a mission. You're on a machine that was designed by geniuses to be run by idiots. Scourge 3, the open ocean, is still one of my favorite places because I can hear the planet breathe on the ocean. And at night you can watch the fluorescence in the water as it turns. It's just an experience. I wanted to go. There's no reason for me to not go. Except I had a drink of alcohol in Long Beach, California at the beginning of a proposed 24-hour period. And I had to drink for 23 days. Couldn't go back under any threat at all. Wouldn't have gotten me back. On day 23, the madness was gone. It wasn't there anymore. It didn't run its course. And I turned myself in, knowing full well I'm going to prison over this one. Didn't matter. I was sane again. I identify with the doctor's opinion, with the phenomenon of craving. And when I'm working with new people, thank God that psychiatrist helped me with that too. That doesn't mean . It simply means I've had a drink of alcohol. Now, that is the most important thing in my life, is to have another drink of alcohol. And I'll be a fine father and worker and everything as long as you understand that I'm going to have a drink. Yes, I will come to the kids' ball game. Let me get my six pack. It's that important. And if I can't have that, I'm sorry. I can't go. Got to have that drink. I've got that. There's no treatment for it. Thank God. I can quit battling it. I've just got it. It's over. You can't stop me. I can't stop me. Good. And once it runs its course, then we run into what's really wrong with me. What I did between when it started and when it stopped, when I look at that, I think, my God, I've done things that are contrary to who I am. I am so ashamed. This is not me. Why did I do that? How could I behave like that? I don't want to ever do that again. And that's a natural and good response. And regular people have that response, and they don't ever do that again. But somewhere down the way, something in my mind that I still don't comprehend, except it is selfishness and the insane idea I'm supposed to feel good all the time, kicks in and says, have a drink. Sometimes it's when I feel bad and I want to feel good. Sometimes it's when I feel good and I want to feel bad. Sometimes it's when I'm not feeling at all. Sometimes when I'm feeling too much. I drink to be taller and to be shorter, to be noticed, to be invisible. Those are all valid reasons for drinking. The real reason I drink is no reason at all. Just something comes up someday and says, I'll have one. Or in its later stages, I don't even think of that. I just go do it. Thank God Doc Silkworth made it that clear. If I do that, I will have another and another, and I'll drink until it ends. Maybe a week. Maybe overnight. That psychiatrist got it finally when we were able to talk about the fact that you have one on Monday doesn't mean you go stark raving mad. Jim the car salesman didn't. The experiment was so successful, whatever immediate distress he felt was gone just like that. It was that successful. So he had another. It may be Friday before you have that second one. You'll have it if you're an alcoholic. And then pretty soon I find myself struck drunk. I was talking to Tony who was headed from Iowa to Denver and ended up in jail in Indiana. Sounds reasonable to me. Because somewhere in there Tony had a drink. Boy, that's easy to identify with, isn't it? I was headed here. I had a drink. And ended up here. My sponsor said that he lived with that feeling about 86%. The first time he had a drink, 100%. Gorgeous. So I went back and he did it again. He worked from 86 and the one drink that got him to 100 only got him to 92. So he had another and it got him to 98. He had another and he was at 102. Never, never quite capped it again. Okay. And once I start, I'm bound to go beyond where I wanted to go. That's just the nature of it. Sponsored one company. I had a little kid. We had trouble with it because he said, we're talking about this is all a matter of mine. He said, I just went in to have two. Then I just changed my mind. That's how we finally got it. He finally heard what he was really saying. I had a drink and my mind got changed. Ah. That's what will happen to me too. The more better I don't have a drink. Except I don't have the power to say no to that. If I have this drink, it will be a devastating event. I'm going to have it anyway. Sometimes I convince myself it won't be the same. And it won't. It will be worse. Sometimes I'll do it deliberately out of rage and anger. You think I destroyed things last time? Watch this one. I'm too much of a coward to just break up the furniture. Which any decent human being would do. But I don't. I've got to break up the furniture. And then puke on the pot. And then puke on the pile. Anyway. Just little ins and outs about that. In working with others, I hear it all. And the wondrous thing is that I've thought it all. And so I can recognize it. And I know a truth. If you're alcoholic, you don't have any choice. So when I carry that into my fellowshipping, what does that mean? When you come back from having drunk again, I'm not one of those stupid people that says, Oh, if he wanted to stay sober more than he wanted to drink, he wouldn't have had that drink. I know better than that. You don't have any choice. And it doesn't matter how much you want to. The time comes in the life of every alcoholic, we're told, when the greatest desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. And that came for me. And it has not come back. I still don't have that power. So when somebody drinks, that's what I expect. Where's that little girl that just had a one-year birthday yesterday? That's absolutely phenomenal. I've had 32 of those years. No, there's nothing phenomenal in that. You expect that now. That's true. Anybody over five or ten, it's expected they will stay sober. Nobody ever believed she'd make a year. Why should we? That's what's remarkable, that any alcoholic stays sober even a day, but particularly a year. So my goodness, am I impressed with you. Now, don't let that go to your head. It's by some form of grace neither you or I understand that that happened. Enough of my babbling. Jerry, you want to pick it up? I love that. You know what that does to the tapes? Oh, it's wonderful. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don mentioned to you about not knowing that he was alcoholic when he got here. And there are others of us who get here and we're not terribly clear on just what alcoholism is, number one. Or even worse, we are led to believe we might be alcoholic and something else. Because we possess some symptoms that look strikingly similar to some other problems out there. And one of the great gifts that was given to me was that ten years ago when I was thirteen years sober, I am a slow learner. Well, I thought that step two said something about came to believe a power greater than yourself could restore your sanity. And I thought when I quit drinking I was restored to sanity. I didn't realize that the alcoholic mind was just a predisposition to drinking. So the insanity was already there. And so, thirteen years sober. The best option... The best option that I could come up with was to... I was on the 32nd floor of the Embassy Suites Hotel in downtown Denver. And I thought, you know, if I can find one of these windows that would open, I think I'll just jump. And that's not meant to be dramatic. It really isn't. It's just that I'm telling it to you as factually as I know how to tell it to you. But thirteen years sober, that looked like the best thing to do. And then it came to me. That's not a real good solution. It's not a real good solution because I... Just intuitively, I have a sense that I'll come to somewhere else. And what I want is oblivion. And that's where the disease of alcoholism, untreated, will carry you to. It's not that I don't want to be here. It's that I don't want to be here or anywhere else either. So unless I can experience an entire psychic change, there's little hope that I'm ever going to recover. Now, sadly, I was told early on that I just needed to get a relationship with God. Now listen, in the quietness of my own mind, I know that I'm not entitled to a relationship with God. I haven't lived the right kind of life. Now that's where... My mind has me when I get here. How is a fellow like me who has done all the things that I have done, how am I going to get a relationship with God? It can't be done. And way down deep inside, I know that. Because you see, I understand something very clearly. And there is truth to what I'm going to share with you. I am fatally flawed. Or another way of putting it, I am a born loser. God, that's hard to chew up and swallow, isn't it? But it just happens to be true. Some of us are parents here. I intended to be a good parent. I was going to be a good father. And I was going to be a good husband. Most importantly, I was going to be a good son for my mother. I'm the oldest of four boys. The oldest boy is supposed to set an example, aren't we? I have three younger brothers, none of whom are alcoholic. All three have experienced at different times in their life, drink to excess. They have all drunk one time and just got in terrible condition for them. One of them parked his car up on a curb in Boston. The police officer came to his room, in the middle of the night, and said, Son, is that your car out there up on the curb? And he said, Yeah. And the police officer said, Well, would you please go move it? And my brother got up, went down and moved it. And I said, Well, what did you do after that? And he said, Well, I thought I'm never going to do this again. And I said, Well, and then what? And he looked at me very strangely and said, Well, I've never done that again. Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter Laughter and, you know, I was in a deep philosophical frame of mind, and I said, You know, Nick, how do you feel about being at work today? He said, What? I said, Well, how do you feel about being at work today? He said, I don't even stop to think about it. He said, How I feel about being here is not even relevant. I have some bills to pay and a family to feed. And he said, Where were we going with this? conversation, Jerry. But I'm obsessed with how I feel about something. God, I start in one direction and I end up someplace else. We're talking about symptoms, other symptoms. In that doctor's opinion, it says, you know, that we drink for the effect that alcohol produces. We drink for the effect. If you ever have an opportunity to marry a sane person, try it. It has benefits beyond anything. I'll never be able to cover all the benefits that it provides. We do things like go into a little bit of a bar and have a drink. We do things like go into a little bit of a bar and have a drink. We do things like go into a little wine store because I'm in a magnanimous mood and I'm going to buy my wife a bottle of wine because she likes, get this, she likes the taste of it. So we go in this little wine store up here in a little town of Hopkinton, Massachusetts, and I'm shopping and there's about 10 or 12,000 bottles of wine in this store. I mean, it's absolutely gorgeous. Have you looked at the labels on a bottle of booze lately? Their bottles are shaped pretty. The labels are nice. They just have an attraction to me that is almost irresistible. So we're in this wine store and I go to a, she's Scotch or Scottish, I'm sorry. She's Scottish. So we go along these shelves and I find a medium priced wine because if I go to the good stuff, she's going to say, no, we shouldn't spend that much. So I'm not, you know, I'm insane, but I'm not stupid. And so we go to the, and she says, no, I don't, I don't think that will work. I said, why, why not? She said, well, that's, that's rosé and I'm looking for something, a white wine. I said, okay, so I go find the white wines. And how about this? And she says, no, no, it's got kind of a woody taste. Okay. So we look some more and I find another one. I said, how about this? And she said, no, it's got kind of a woody taste. Now that's kind of dry. And I'm beginning to get, my magnanimous spirit is draining away. And we try two or three more of these and one's not right and this one's not right and the bottom line, she says to me, why don't we just go home? I ask you one little question. Have you ever gone into a liquor store and walked out empty handed? With the strangest of all reasons because they didn't have anything that tasted good. I can remember choking down hot vodka straight out of the bottle after it's been sitting behind a spare tire in the trunk of the car in July in Kansas. And saying, oh, that's good. Most terrible gasoline taste in the world and we say it's good. God, that's good. The point I'm driving at is that normal, non-alcoholic people don't drink for the same reason that we do. I drink for the effect and so this little, just a little short piece of this doctor's opinion begins to have a depth of meaning to me that I had not experienced before I was led to this part of our little recovery process. And I began to get clear on something about what my truths are. Because I do, I do love the effect produced by alcohol. See, I was 27 years old. I'll never make it to be a circuit speaker because I didn't start drinking when I was 16. All circuit speakers start when they're 16. The rest of us start some other time. I started when I was 27 years old and went just for years and years and years. Went to a little college, went to four years in the Navy. The only reason I didn't miss ship's movement because I wasn't on a ship. But anyway, God, Augie, don't do this to me. Started to drink when I was 27 years old and you are a dear for reminding me of that. Started to drink, had my first drink when I was 27 years old and the most beautiful thing happened. My entire life up until that point I had never belonged or fit. I mean, I've been searching now for a number of years about how to describe that sense of not belonging. Never fitting wherever I was. I didn't fit in my family. Have you ever awakened on Christmas and watched your whole family have a grand time and you're just thinking Christmas sucks? No. And you want so desperately to fit in to what they're doing and you can't. And when I was 27 years old, I took a drink of bourbon and coke and I thought, this is okay. This is a pretty nice evening. And then I had another. Well, I learned something and then I was really, for the very first time, I was okay. I mean, I was the most okay I'd ever been. And I never sought after that to be anything but just okay. And I used that word okay very closely. There was just a sense that all was right. I was different. I was different. And it just changed me so marvelously. And I just, there is no way that I can describe what that first drink did for me. Now, in that doctor's opinion, it also talks about the inability to distinguish between the true and the false. And I think that's a very important point. And I think that's a very important point. One of the things that I, with a great sense of humor, finally just got clear on, not long ago, was this little untruth of my life. Have you ever said to someone, Hey, you want to go down and have a drink? I have. I've said, Hey, let's stop by so-and-so's and have a drink. Do you know what? In my entire drinking career, I never had a drink. Never one time. From the first time on, I've always had drinks, plural. But yet my mind told me over and over and over again, Let's have a drink. And once I have a drink, then it's more than that one. It's just automatic for me. And I like to point out, and I use my wife simply because she is, number one, she's sane and she's cuter now. But the other reason, because, it's such a great disparity between the way she does things and the way I do things, and it serves to illustrate some of the things that I've learned about my own truth. She can take a little glass of wine and drink. Sometimes she'll drink all of it. Not always. And when she gets, one time we went into a restaurant and she drank some. And she got about halfway through and I could tell that she was not enjoying it. It didn't taste right. So when she was about, as she was about halfway through, she pushed it aside and said, I just don't care for this. And the clarity with the fact that I don't have that, I don't have that capacity. I mean, I don't care if it's watered down, lukewarm. Don't waste it. Don't waste it. I mean, you just don't do that. And so the disparity between what the non-alcoholics are like versus what I'm like began to get cleared. As we were going through this, I began to look at some of these things. And the point I'm really going to come down to is I was having great difficulty with the fact that people had alerted me to the fact that this is a spiritual program. Don't we hear that early on? And that scares the heck out of some of us. It really does. And I'm thinking about this spiritual element to this whole thing around alcoholism. And it's sharing with me these physical attributes or physical characteristics of the disease. And I began to look at these. And finally, I came to an ultimate truth. And it has served me well now ever since ten years ago. And that truth was, by God, you know, the way alcohol reacts on my body is different than it reacts on a lot of people. It really does. I just have a different reaction to it. Which means that I am physically different. Now that is a fact of my life. I am physically different from other people. From non-alcoholic people. Being physically different allowed me then to finally cross that bridge that, okay, because here was the idea I resisted. I resisted the idea that I am mentally different. I have tried to fit in. I have tried to figure out the rules and see what it is that I need to do. What is it that everybody else seems to do so well and I can't do it? And it turned out that once I accepted the fact that I'm physically different, then boom, I can make that, then it becomes only a small step to say, well, hell, if I'm physically different, why wouldn't I be a bit different? So I am. You know, when I was about three and a half years old, my little neighborhood I lived in, this little small southeastern Kansas town, was really, in the forties, was a very tame place. And so as little kids, you could kind of go several miles, you could kind of go several blocks away from home. And I was walking not far from home one day, about three blocks from where I lived, and there, it was springtime and the iris were starting to bloom. And these iris were sticking through this little white fence. And I looked at those and I thought, you know, I'll pick some of those. And so I picked some of these little flowers and I took them home and I gave them to my mother. And I will never forget this, and this has been a long time ago, I handed those to her and she says, where did you get these? And I know from that tone of voice that I am in deep trouble. And my pathological lying started at least then, because my response was immediate and swift, I don't know. I wasn't real practiced yet. Now just for the hell of it, I will tell you where I got those flowers, at the corner of 10th and Osage in Neodeshade, Kansas. The man and the woman who lived there were Archie and Effie Bollinger. I know them to this day, they've been dead for years because they were old then. I know them, I know them well, I know exactly where I got the flowers, but I don't know where they are. I don't know where they are. I don't know where they are. I don't know where they are. I don't know where they are. I don't know where they are. I don't know where they are. I don't know exactly where I got the flowers, but I knew that there was inherently, where did you get those flowers? I knew that I was in trouble. Now, let's look at the rest of the pathology there, if you want to call it that, just for the hell of it. Sounds good. What I felt like I could do was steal something, take it home for a good reason, give it to somebody, they'd think I was a good kid. That's what's really going on there. I'd strip away all the silliness. You say, Yeah, but you were only three and a half. No, I had those same thoughts when I was thirty-three and a half. See, there's the pathology. I already started that ability to begin to fabricate my own truth based upon what I intended it to be. So there's that little mental twist that I experienced. Thirteen years sober, and I was telling you about standing in this thirty-second floor of the Embassy Suites. There was a reason for sharing that, and it's not just for the drama. Here's the thing that concerns me from time to time. I thought I was alcoholic and severely depressed. I did not know that you can be alcoholic, and as a part of the untreated alcoholism, have a lot of complex problems and suffer a great deal of depression. I didn't know you could do that. I thought it was a separate deal. But that's not what the doctor says. He says his alcoholic problem is so complex and his depression so great. That may be a part of the disease, is what the doctor is saying. In fact, he goes a little stronger than that. He's saying that is part of the disease. Now, the good news to all this, I'll tell you, is I think there are times once in a while when I'm depressed, but I'm kind of like my brother now these days. So what? I know we have some smokers in this crowd. I went to a doctor here about a year and a half ago, and he said, How old are you now? I said, 58. And he said, You might want to consider a quick surgery. I said, I'm smoking. And I thought, Oh, God. I can't do that. And he said, Well, I can give you some medication for it. And I said, Why would I want to take medication? Well, he said, That will make it a little easier. And I said, Well, tell me the nature of the medication. And so he told me about it. And I said, Well, what does that do? He said, It acts as a mild antidepressant. I said, Why do I need a mild antidepressant? Well, he said, What do you think the cigarettes are doing? I thought, Elkins, You hypocrite. Here you are. You're telling people that you're doing this thing without medication for your depression, And you're sucking down 40 little antidepressants each day. Happened to be called Marlboro Reds. Boy, I tell you what. As you grow along this path, There are some things you can't do anymore. Now, don't get me wrong. I didn't go home and immediately lay them down and say, Okay, by God. I don't have any more power today than I had when I got here. What I had to do was I had to ask for some willingness. I have a sponsor, and he had gone through this many, many, many years ago. He had never one time criticized me for my continuing to smoke. And we were sitting at breakfast one time just about a month before all this occurred, and I was listening to him, and he was talking about he had to pray for the strength to quit smoking. And so I'm sitting there when all this has finally come to me, and I'm thinking, you know, in my prayer, I thought, you know, God, there's no point in me asking for the strength. There just really isn't any point because I don't even have the willingness. I had to ask for a willingness to quit. Now, I'm an alky, so I will still try to make deals. I said, I'm asking for the willingness provided you're you don't have to give me lung cancer or emphysema for me to quit. Just a little willingness is all I'm looking for. I got terribly sick. Got the worst case. The flu I've ever had was in bed for three days, and when I got up, I thought, there's no point in picking up a cigarette again. Some fun stuff along the way. It really is fun. But it starts with getting clear on what is my truth. And so I'll leave you with this little thought, and then I'll let, see what Donna wants to add to it. As I went through this doctor's opinion, there are just so many nifty little things that help me understand what I really am as an alcoholic. I have some other things that make it look like I might suffer from some other things, but those other things seem to diminish or they hold no power over me now. Do I still suffer from, you know, emotional, emotional extremes? Uh, I don't suffer from them. I have them. Uh, my mind can still come fully awake at 2.30 in the morning, thinking the best thing I can do is put the gun up here and pull the trigger. My mind will do that to me. Don't be afraid of that. Uh, the reason I say don't be afraid of it is the spirit is now in charge. I don't have the power to do some of the things my alcoholic mind throws out as suggestions. I don't have the power to do some of the things my alcoholic mind throws out as suggestions. I don't have the power to do some of the things my alcoholic mind throws out as suggestions. See, that was the other thing. I, I, one of the reasons that I enjoy you all so much when you allow us to come and do this is I thought my alcoholic mind was going to be taken completely away. And that didn't happen. I have the alcoholic mind over here, just not much power left in it anymore. There's some. Uh, and then I have my new mind. And I can go over here to my alcoholic mind from time to time just for the hell of it, just to see what's going on. And explore it. Why don't you do things like, I wonder if I'm really alcoholic. Or, I don't have to do this stuff. You know, I went to my sponsor one time a few years back, and it was actually not more than just a few, about ten years ago. It was my first time through the book, through the process. And I said, you know, I go to a lot of AA meetings, and I was trying to write a four-step inventory. That's where I was in this little process. I said, I go to a lot of AA meetings. And he said, yeah. And I said, well, listen, there's a lot of people who don't have to do this. And what I was saying in such a subtle little way was, why are you making me do it? Now, understand, I had asked him to help me. He hadn't come to me and said, I want to help you. I had asked him if he would help me. And I said, I just, there's a lot of people who, they don't have to do this. He looked at me and he said, well, do you want what they have? And I said, no, I don't. He said, then let's not worry about what they do. And we put that deal to bed. One other time, I was in a particular inventory, and it came time for me to resolve a problem. And I said, I think what I'll do in this particular instance, I think I'll leave the country. That's a good way to make an amendeit. There's probably people that that would have made happy. Anyway, he, I said, I think I'm just going to leave the country. He said, that's not what we do. And I'm the good alcoholic that I am, a spiritual giant that I'm growing into. I said, well, then what is it we do? And I said, there's no one that would make it. He said, well, there's only me. I said, you're the little character in that. He said, so just leave the country. Oh, dear. And he said, now, you see, listen, I'm not some man that lives for pleasure. Now, how can this happen? See, there are people of faith, I'm up in the world with you, but if you just Sri, the new one, Mr. Sri Aruna himself, that's the way I see it,ец He said, you're the one that's thinking about. And too Tyra, you know be there He said, and you're the Surya and you're the God. And no pé glさい I, I'm that fire on God. Oh dear. a hunch that if you'll try this, you will find it, and I can't force you into it. I can't get you there sooner. I mean, but I want you to have it. But that gives me a purpose. It gives me a purpose. I get to lay it out to you if you want it. You can have it. If you don't, well, we'll go drink orange juice. We'll have a grand time. Can we eat any time? We'll get ready to. Bart? Well, it's 1115. We don't have to wait until the magic noon number. Good. All right. On page 11 of Bill's story in the second edition of the big book, where I'm headed is that we really hope that we can have an actual experience out of this weekend. This is not an exchange of knowledges and opinions and all that. We'll do a lot of that, but I'm trying to get us to where we can have a third step experience together. Then we can show you what that means to us and what we do following that based on this. Okay. So, I'd come to believe that sanity was possible, meaning that there could be proportion and I could learn to think straight. Proportion in my thinking and in my emotions. Everything's out of proportion when it's out of proportion. When I'm selfish, there's never enough. That's the bottom line. There's never enough anger, so I generate more. There's never enough love and there's never enough appreciation. There's never enough of anything. There's never enough booze. There's just never enough. That's not sane. Sanity says I'm living in the midst of an abundance and if I don't start giving it away quickly, it's going to fill the room up and there won't be any room to move. There won't be in my mind and my heart. We'll get into that. Based on his own spiritual awakening, Ebby Thatcher went to see his old friend Bill Wilson knowing full well that Bill was dying. And I suggest to you as I read this, I become aware of the fact that at the time Ebby is talking to Bill, Bill is drunk, and getting drunker to the point where they have to take him to a hospital when he's drunk. And I think that's the first thing that comes to mind. And then there's a second point where there's a little bit of a mix there. I think that's one thing that we need to be aware of, is when they're through because he's ready to go into DTs. He's been drinking all day and all night for several weeks. He's counted the amount of booze that's going to take him to get through the night, which appears to be about a quart. God knows how much it's going to take him when he's awake. This is while he's sleeping. It's going to take him a quarter. The man's not in good shape. He's drunk. I need to remember that as I work with others. First, you do not have to be sober to have a spiritual awakening. If I'm the kind of sponsor that waits for that, I may kill you. I contend that if you got this far drunk or sober, you're already spiritually awake. This isn't about a method to awaken you spiritually. It's about a method to make you conscious of the fact that you're already spiritually awake. If I'm incapable of being honest with myself in my self-centered state, this isn't going to do me a lick of good. I've already had it changed. I truly believe, for me, that the most demonstrable, visible, tangible sign of the presence of God is willingness. There is so much power in willingness. That the very nanosecond that I become willing to change, I have already changed. I've changed from being unwilling to being willing. That's a lot of power. I can bring that to you. In fact, it tells me in here that that power, that particular demonstration of power is indispensable. I must have that. There's a number of places along the path where without that, I might as well just go on out and drink or go to a movie or something. Because this won't mean anything. There's one thing I've realized is that you're judged for the same reason that the broadcasts where people know we are. We know every single phenomenon. The whole story is that here together we lead the only conventional way of living. And that is through God and through a partnership process. Everything we live by is money, but ahí Patrick is here to prove that we need another There we can have our son. There is a worry to our security process. He's so much stronger than the YouTube, trip. Also, there's nothing else you can find. There is one thing that we discover together here is action. It's a journey. I think we all need to learn the journey which is the journey itself. To bring on Ewakencom Ты Williams,Anden You don't see this when you're asleep. I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. He was on a different footing. His roots grasped new soil. That's what I needed to hear. I've got to be a new person. I cannot be the same person. In 1966, my two little boys and I were on the road. And I had tried to be Superman. I went to work for Security Benefit Life out in Topeka on a debit. You all know what a debit is. That's where the salesman comes around. You've got a $5 premium. He collects it every month. Because if he doesn't come by and collect it, he probably won't get paid. Small premium insurance. It was either $800,000 in seven months or $700,000 in eight months of new premium I sold on that debit. Because I... I didn't know you couldn't do that. I just did it. I'd have been in a millionaire's club my first year in the business. I didn't know what that was then. It didn't matter. I just... And then I had to quit that job. Because I hadn't learned yet that the money that I was collecting wasn't mine until it went through their books. I'd have to take my paycheck and make the books balance, which left us short. And then... I'd have to take the premiums and pay the bills. And as soon as the check got... You know, I was getting tiresome. Went to Kansas City and went to work for an IBM training school. And in three months, I was sales manager. And within six months, my wife and children were gone. I drank a little. That isn't why she left. It doesn't matter why she left. She left. A month later, the boys came into my custody. And I was no longer able to be Superman. I was unable to be that. So we hit the road. Anyway, along that road, which was a difficult and highly dramatic road, I was restless, irritable, discontent. We moved every 30 days at least. Because I could smell the Red Cross and social services coming my way. And we'd hit town. At least that's what I thought. I got in with a really interesting group of artists. We smoked a little dope. Shot a lot of speed. Got hooked up with Alzie Stanley and got into the finest acid in the world. I'm not a drug addict. Well, I'm not. Just taking drugs. Drugs isn't making you an addict. I always had a choice with the drugs. I could start or stop or moderate or do whatever. That was not an obsession. I just liked them. But I could quit. Anyway, in the midst of all this, the real drama was the pain inside that was driving me on out. Trying to find a place to live. Trying to find home for these kids. Couldn't do it. Couldn't really? We had a few guys who Euwecats, so we did a few 모험 다니ежья, and when we met with them, me and Euwecats gave ourselves a bit ofε How to short them. And in the midst of all that, I got a call from Albuquerque. Old Albert called me from Albuquerque. He says, we got a problem. We just picked up 30 keys down in deep Mexico. We got it as far as Juarez. And our driver got busted on some piddly-ass little deal. And he's in jail, and the stuff's in a hotel room waiting for somebody to go and get it. You want the job? And I said, sure, Albert. I got these two little boys with me. One's four and one's six. Sure, Albert. I'll go get it. And looking back on that, I can define. I used to wonder, why do they think I'm a sociopath? Why do they think I might be a psychopath? I got these two little boys. It's natural to go. Into Juarez and pick up an illicit load of marijuana and bring it back. Why not? I didn't do it for money. My price was two kilos, which at that time was $400. It was nothing. Chump change. I did it for prestige. I did it for self-esteem. I'm the only one in the whole United States that they thought of calling. Who had what it took. I have no problem with insanity. Now, again, I'm not an idiot. What I found out later is that they called me because somebody said, Albert called Pritz. He's crazy. He'll do it. They knew. So we got a VW bus. I had them run a VW bus. I've got a good mind. I worked out the dimensions of 30 kilos. Fits perfectly into a single bed air mattress. So the kids and I got into Juarez. I made them get it out of the hotel. That was the only danger spot that I could see. Open up that air mattress and stuff the 30 keys in there and resealed it. Put dirty diapers on top of that. And then put my kids on top of that. So when we hit the border crossing, just before we hit it, I turned around and screamed at the children. So they'd be crying. Because they don't mess with you. I've got to be a different person. It is not possible for me to live with the kind of motivation and the kind of thinking that allows that. Because my children were not in any physical danger. They were not in any physical danger. Had we gotten busted, they'd have been taken to a foster home, which is far better than being with me. What I did to harm my children is that right out of nowhere, their only link with life, the only person who really loved them, screamed at them for no reason at all. For self-centered purposes. I cannot be that ever again. I've got to be different. And there's the promise. I can get my roots into a new soil. It's incomprehensible for me to even think that I could ever do that again. Because I couldn't. But if you have, come see me. I can show you how to make the change so you don't have to do that. That's sobriety. Not just not drinking. Okay? And we've all done something stupid like that. In one way or another. Did you ever steal from your kid's piggy bank? Did you ever get caught? I got caught. And stood there and lied to him about it. And then wondering later years, why doesn't he trust me? I got the damn piggy bank. I'm busted. No, not me. Why doesn't he trust me? Different footing. Despite the living example of my friend, there remain in me the vestiges of my own prejudice. Of course, just because I see it happening for you, I've got to get past. Yeah, but you're different. And I'm different. I don't deserve it. Or... See, I have done the one thing. I've been taught growing up that was unforgivable. I'd killed myself. Someone along the way told me that God won't forgive that one. If you've been told that, it's a lie. Trash it. That's just my personal experience. If I haven't been forgiven, there is no such thing. So Bill's fighting. He's fighting with his conceptions of God. Or actually, his concepts of God. And I point out to you the difference in the words. We do things with words. So I'm a word mechanic. A concept of God is a rigid, boxed-in, structured, no-roon-to-move idea. This is the way it is. There's death in that. And this doesn't talk about having a concept of God. Debbie said to Bill, why don't you choose your own concept? I said, I don't have a concept of God. A conception is kind of a loose idea. It's got room to move about and be added to and discarded from. And that may sound like a petty point, but in my kind of mind, that's important. So I have to... It affects the way I do things because it means I have to spend much more time learning how to describe than to define. Anytime I can define for you, I have just limited whatever I just defined. For you and for me. Okay? And I don't want that kind of mind anymore. I've been to the first day before the first day of creation. All these assets will do that for you. Put that on a resume someday. You think that's important? What did you do last year? Went to the first day before the first day of creation. Hire him. That's just what we're looking for. Put him up in the VP's office where we can really use that kind of thinking. That statement hit me hard, Bill says, and he's drunk. He's been drinking all night. He's been drinking all day with Debbie. He's drunk when he hears, why don't you choose your own conception? And he says, that statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered for many years. I stood in the sunlight at last. Sounds to me like a spiritual awakening. You want one described? There's one. You know what it looks like? I stood in the sunlight. The icy intellectual mountain was melted. That cold, cold, icy, cold mind that I had got melted and I became open. It sounds like a spiritual awakening to me. It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a power greater than myself. Not even believing, just being willing to believe. That's where the power is. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. If anybody in this room is having difficulty with that, that's really all it takes, just a willingness to believe. Our old timers used to say, try it for a while. If you don't like it, we'll refund your misery on the way out the door. And you can take mine with you. It's stacked over there in the corner. I saw the growth could start from that point, from a willingness to believe. All of my experience in life sober has been based on willingness. That is the foundation. It's all I brought here. It's all I have today. If I lose that, I will stop growing. I am willing. I am willing to not know anything so that I can learn. The more I know, the less I can learn. So I just soon know nothing. It's easier. And everything becomes interesting. Scary, but interesting. Anyway, are you all kind of hungry? These guys have put together the ugliest sandwich I've ever seen in my life. It's big enough for the whole crowd with seconds even. And if that's what... What time would you like to get back together? It's 1130 now. One o'clock? Twelve? 1230? One? What do I hear? I've got 1230. 1230. 1230. 1230. 1230. 1230. 1230. 1230. Let's see the hands for 1230. Let's see the hands for one o'clock. Let's see the hands for one o'clock. Let's see the hands for one o'clock. Where's the one at 430? Well, I heard one. I would say that the 1230 was represented the majority, wouldn't you? I would too, yeah. 1230 okay? That gives us an hour and we'll be a little late. Veronica. We may be in a little trouble here this afternoon. I was sitting over here pondering where to start. I was wondering where to start this afternoon's session. I thought, well, hell, it's no big deal. I'll just follow Pritz. I walked over there and he talked to me and we got all through. I said, well, what do you want to do? He said, well, I'll just follow you. So we're all in trouble here. I too am a little bit of a wordsmith simply because my alcoholic life is a little bit different. I'm a little bit of a wordsmith simply because my alcoholic life is a little bit different. I'm a little bit of a wordsmith simply because my alcoholic life is a little bit different. I'm a little bit of a wordsmith simply because my alcoholic mind has a tendency to read into words meanings that aren't there. Well, you can tell me that this is simple but not easy. And what I really hear is if it's simple, it should be easy. I hear that and it's just, you know, and so when it gets hard, I want to quit. I've always wanted to quit if it gets hard. But the word I want to talk about just briefly as we pick back up and move forward just a little bit is Bill was talking about the willingness to believe in a power greater than myself. A willingness to believe. And one of my great difficulties with all of this was I thought if I were willing, that meant I had to want it. And it doesn't. It doesn't. Are you willing? I mean, that's the deal. Are you willing? I don't care if you want it or not. One time I was contemplating where this little process might take me if I got into that third step really in sincere and complete and total surrender. I thought, well, God, if I give my life to God, I mean, no telling what He may have me do. And then it got clear. I knew what He was going to have me do. He was going to make me a missionary down in Mexico. I told this story a couple of years ago here. It got me a sombrero, so I'll tell it again. But I'll give you the short version. The bottom line was I got clear that if I do this thing, God's going to send me to Mexico and I'm going to carry the message with Alcoholics Anonymous to just an all-male group. Never get to be close to a woman again. Blah, blah, blah. I have no money. I have no money. And I thought, I am not willing to do that. And the deal was that I didn't want to do that. And it took me about four days and a lot of prayer to finally get clear on the fact that am I willing to do this? I don't care if I want to or not. See, I don't have the character. I used to hear the old-timers talk about, this deal is about building character. You ever hear that? Doesn't that just send chills up your spine? your spine when people talk about building character? I don't want to build character. It's not in my nature to want to do something like that because it sounds like work. Willing to believe in a power greater than myself. Tell you what, this little deal of ours is real nifty in this sense. You can fight and resist this as long as you wish. There will come a point in time, Don mentioned it in his own words, your copper is broken. For me, I don't have anything. I am beaten. And when I am beaten, I will give up and I will no longer wrestle with this deal about my conception of God. Either He is or He isn't. Now, it's just going to be that simple. And you'll get there. If you're a real alcoholic, you'll get there. We talked this morning about how much we had to drink over our lifetime. Did anybody start out drinking a quart? No, we don't. Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. There's always one. She says, yeah, I did. I hate to ask you, what did you end up in quantity wise and per day? You started off drinking a quart. How much did you drink at the tail end? Five or six quarts. Okay. The point still being the same is that it takes more medication for our disease because our disease is progressive in nature, isn't it? Okay. Willing to believe that a power greater than myself can restore my sanity. And when it got clear to me was when it finally dawned on me that no matter how hard I strive, I have to do it. And I started to do it. And I started to do it. I started to do it. I started to do it. I started to do it. And I started to do it. And I started I try to do this thing, I cannot do it. And why I resisted that idea for so long, I don't know. The truth, men, is I can't do the right thing. It's not in me to do the right thing. I have no discipline. I'd like to say that I'm a real spiritual discipline giant. I mean, it sounds so good, but I'm not. I'm just a weasley little alky who will not do this if God does not give me the strength of character to keep moving forward. So everything good in my life has come as a result of this and the power flowing into my life and then on back out to whoever I can get to stand still so I can talk about it. You see, again, there's nothing noble about me being here. I'd love for you to think I'm noble, but the real truth of the matter is this is just what I do. It's what I am. Nothing more, nothing less. It's just what I am. But there's a marvelous sense that comes with that, and that is out of all the insanity that's appeared in my life, there's now something useful. And I say to each of you out there, no matter what your experience has been, a few months ago I was with a young man in Maine. He was 21 years old. And he said, I said, well, Charlie, tell me, what's your story? He said, oh, I said, I'm not going to bore you with my story. I said, why not, Charlie? And he said, well, he said, you guys, you've really been around, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, talking about how big our stories and how dramatic our stories sound. I said, well, Charlie, we've got two hours to drive from Portland up to the middle of Maine. What's your deal? Tell me about it anyway. Bore me. And so Charlie told me his story. And by the time he was 15, he was in serious trouble. By the time he was 18, he was in trouble. And he said, well, I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a story. And he said, well, I'm going to tell you a story. By the time he was 18, he was in jail. By the time he was 21, he was in serious, serious jail, prison trouble. His story was absolutely fascinating and his recovery process absolutely amazing. And he had me totally captured, a totally captive audience, all the way from Portland up to the center part of Maine. So whatever your experience has been, let me share with you. It's valuable. It's valuable. End of Audio We talked early on in this session, you need to be armed with the facts about ourselves. See, I want to be armed with what I intended to do. The truth of the matter is I'm powerless to do what I intend to do, and I really would like to do better, but I can't. So, it all comes back, am I willing to believe that there is a power greater than me? If I'm willing to do that, I'm really placing myself in a position to begin to think about a total and complete surrender. Now, it's easy for me, and I think it's probably not that difficult for anybody else, to do kind of a little bit of a check and ask yourself, where did I get to when I was running the show? Where did I get to when I was running the show? I didn't get anyplace either. And, see, I was 27 years old, and I was president of a financial institution in Kansas. And at that time, I was the youngest president of any financial institution in Kansas. I was really on the way. Eight years later, Kansas Bureau of Investigation, a judge and a couple of lawyers and a good doctor were all sitting around saying, what are we going to do with this boy? Which was a familiar topic. There have been people sitting around in meetings since I was about five, saying, what are we going to do with this boy? I'm never real bad. I am just, just enough off-center.