Why the Compulsion Was Gone Before the Belief – Mildred F.

About This Speaker Tape

A toddler at an airport screams for a dropped ball, oblivious to the planes his father wants him to see. Mildred F. views this as the perfect metaphor for her own blind spot regarding a Higher Power. A soul at war, she spent decades seeking the spirit in bottles, fleeing a rigid Catholic childhood and a fifteen-year stint in a convent only to end up in insane asylums and psych wards. After 38 electric shock treatments and a descent into the wreckage of Skid Row, she hit a wall of absolute depletion.

The compulsion vanished in a sudden, inexplicable flash before the belief ever arrived. She describes a softening process—sweeping factory floors and finding a rare, non-judgmental connection with a psychiatrist—that cracked her open. By trading the narrow view of a straw for a larger picture, she moved from the false self of ego to a life where she is no longer the boss.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Mildred F. opens with a joke about her frequency as a speaker.
• 2:15 Metaphor of the child and the ball as a gateway to Step 2.
• 5:40 Discussion of the 'soul at war' and the influence of Carl J.
• 8:10 Childhood in Saskatchewan and the rigid structure of the Roman Catholic church.
• 11:30 The pain of her sister Dora's condition and her early experience of powerlessness.
• 15:20 Life as Sister Mary E. and the subsequent fall into the secular world.
• 18:45 The cycle of psych wards, electric shock treatments, and the 'insane asylum'.
• 22:10 The 'stone' years in AA and the eventual bottom on a park bench.
• 25:30 The spiritual experience of May 20th and the removal of the compulsion to drink.
• 28:15 Humility on Skid Row: sweeping factory floors and the relationship with Dr. M.
• 32:40 The breakdown of defenses and the experience of vulnerability during a retreat.
• 36:10 Father O.'s insight into her spiritual awakening and the 'fourth dimension'.