Why the Big Book Says ‘Rarely Have We Seen a Person Fail’ – Frank J.

About This Speaker Tape

1962, a ship in the Panama Canal. Frank J. is sharpening a bayonet, terrified and desperate to look macho, so he squeezes a morphine syrette into his leg just to stop the shaking.

He spent his youth starching his skivvies to hide a liar’s heart and his adulthood trying to validate a hollow manhood with booze and violence. From beating a cab driver's face in with a rock in Okinawa to the wreckage of a police career ended by a bullet from a partner, Frank lived in a cycle of guilt and blackout. He describes his life as a "Mr.

T starter kit" of gold chains and Cadillacs that vanished into a cardboard box in a stolen car. After nearly blowing his own head off in a closet, he found that sobriety isn't just about the bottle—it's about a "problem living." He points to the Big Book, insisting that no matter the blood on one's hands, a Higher Power and the steps can keep a man sober.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Frank J. opens with the hustle of the Christmas season and the anxiety of mailing cards to 1,000 people.
• 7:15 Laughter: Frank describes his childhood perfectionism and the absurdity of ironing his underwear.
• 15:40 Frank recounts his first blackout in high school and his newfound aversion to 7-Up.
• 24:10 The morphine syrette: Frank describes using narcotics on a ship to the Panama Canal to kill his fear.
• 35:20 The brutality of the Marine Corps: Frank describes robbing a cab driver and the resulting court martial.
• 48:15 The jammed gun: Frank describes the night he almost killed his family and the 'Higher Power' that stopped the bullet.
• 56:30 Frank discusses the Big Book and the importance of working the 12 Steps for veterans struggling with guilt.
• 1:05:10 The police career: Frank describes his affair with a partner and the shooting that ended his career.
• 1:18:45 The bottom: Frank describes his near-death experience in an Indiana hospital and his wife's initial refusal to visit.
• 1:32:20 The 'living problem': Frank's encounter with a mentor who told him he didn't have a drinking problem, but a living problem.
• 1:45:10 Learning to love: Frank describes the process of learning to be a father and husband through the example of others.
• 1:58:30 The Vietnam Wall: Frank describes making amends to the man he drowned and the closing of that chapter.