Why the Big Book Says ‘Probably’ and the Recovery of a Recovered Alcoholic – Bart R.

About This Speaker Tape

Queens, New York. A ten-year-old boy watches older men pass a bottle around an apartment building and decides they are his heroes. By fifth grade, Bart R. is drinking from the liquor closet at the front door to kill the fear of school. The progression is a blur of violence and wreckage: throwing his 120-pound mother away from the door in a drunken rage, sneaking out of Brooklyn shelters to drink with bums, and cycling through institutions that offered therapy without depth. Even a first day of work for his father's business began with a bottle of Jack Daniels polished off on the bus.

After years of "quarter-measures" and dry drunks, Bart encountered a sponsor who didn't care about his feelings, only his life. He moved from wanting to kill the man for claiming happiness was possible to reading the first 164 pages of the Big Book. By surrendering to a Higher Power and scrubbing his life through a rigorous inventory, Bart transitioned from a "dirtbag" to a recovered alcoholic.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Bart R. introduces himself as a recovered alcoholic and discusses the distinction between 'recovering' and 'recovered'.
• 4:30 Childhood memories of drinking with older men in New York and the failure of Project 25.
• 8:15 The wreckage of his relationship with his mother and the physical violence of his active addiction.
• 12:40 The 'birthday present' of a bottle of Jack Daniels that derailed his first day of work for his father.
• 17:20 The failed marriage to a detox nurse and the 'dry drunk' period.
• 22:10 Laughter: The story of sneaking out of his first AA meeting in Jackson Heights.
• 28:50 Meeting his sponsor Eric and the decision to work the Big Book (Step 1-3 focus).
• 34:10 Detailed experience with the Fourth Step fear inventory and the Fifth Step.
• timecode The Ninth Step: Making amends to his ex-wife's son and a former girlfriend.
• 38:00 Working with others: The story of the tattooed man from the Creedmoor Rehab van.
• 43:15 Tribute to his sponsor Eric's final days and his commitment to carrying the message.
• 50:00 The final days of his father and the transition to sobriety in Sedona, Arizona.