Why the Big Book Says ‘It Works’ – Lew F.

There. It's all over. We can go home. Thank you, Cookie. Just remember one thing. Our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not govern. You know, I was thinking when Jim and Don were standing up here with that hat, I thought that was going to be the next song in the Everly Brothers of the Stone Age. Oh, I'll tell you, in the 38 years I've been doing conventions and roundups, I have never been as well informed in my life for the past two years. With letters, with emails, with conversations. You know, I knew who was going to meet me and they were there and I knew whom to contact and they where there. And, you know, every dream that I've ever had in life has come true. The only way this guy could get from a Salvation Army on the skid row of Vancouver to Port Lauderdale, Florida is through the grace of God and rooms like this. My name is Lou Fenimore, and I'm a recovered alcoholic. and I've not found it necessary to take a drink or any other mood altering stimulant since November the 16th of 1963 and I'm a member of the Making Changes group in Chilliwack, British Columbia meets on Tuesday night and sometimes we you know we fight making these changes Sometimes we fight making these changes. I don't know why. But I always start off a little story. I got one of the guys in the taping department, he's copied it. And I got a feeling he's published it somewhere. But anyway, and it's a story that I find very appropriate for Alcoholics Anonymous. And it's the story of the teenage son of a minister. and he said to his dad one day when can we talk about me driving the car and he said well when you bring your grades up see you reading the bible on a regular basis and you get that long haircut we'll talk so you know this cockiness of a teenager about six months later come back and said to His dad when can We talk about driving the Car and His father said well I notice your grades have come up a bit son He said I've seen you reading the bible fairly regular but you still got that long hair. And he looked at his father and he said, you know Jacob had long hair and Moses had long hair and Jesus had long hair. His father said, and you notice they walked everywhere they went. So, I don't know if you've got to get a haircut or not, but that's up to you. But do you know this thing? It's a very simple thing. Alcoholics Anonymous has no fixed address. You take it with you wherever you go. A lady said to me in here this week, where do you live? And I said, right here. She said, oh, I thought you were from Canada. And I says, oh I have a mailing address up there and a wife up there. But the home that God gave me, I'm living right here your life your philosophy and everything else you take it with you that little card of my business card where it says you don't have to tell how you live each day you don' t have to say if you work or you play a tried true barometer serves in its place however you live it will show on your face if your life is unselfish if for others you live for not what you get but how much you can give if you live close to God in his infinite grace. You don't have to tell it. It'll show on your face. I get very emotional because of the life that I lived and the life that you people allow me to live today. I'm scared to pray for anything from here again. I've worked in the field of alcoholism for quite some time and been very involved in a number of areas of it. And I remember this fellow that was our group, and he was going to see this psychiatrist. And he said, you know, he said I'm getting more confused all the time. I said, do you know how you drive a psychiatrist crazy? He said, no, how? I said get two drunks to memorize the same dream and go see him, and every Monday change the symptoms. This is why we live on the symptoms, there's no symptoms. This is a real thing, this alcoholism. You just sit down on a park bench and watch it go by. It's not a mystery. I was born right on the border of the state of Maine in New Brunswick. And it's an interesting thing, I don't go into long drink-by-drink tours of the country because when I get into that, I start exaggerating or call it lying. My old sponsor, he was from Tyler, Texas. He said, I was at a meeting one night and the lady said, I was in a meeting last night and it was so spiritual you could feel it. He said down here we call them bareback riders. They don't need a saddle. I mean, it's nice to have your head up there with God but keep your feet in the ground. That's where your fellow travelers are. but I look back I don't know a whole lot about my life apparently I was taken away from my mother when I was seven months of age my mother was a gorgeous lady from what I've found out the pictures of her from when she died I never ever seen her but they said she was the spitting image of Gloria de Havilland with the big floppy hats and that she was gorgeous and she had a hotel in Railroad Divisional Town And she supplied the men with everything, food, loving, and lodging. And I guess she was away in December, which you're looking at 40 below zero weather in New Brunswick, with one of her, I suppose they'd be called a client today. And a lady found me in a bed or a crib, and she had no idea how long I'd been there, but there was no heat. And she took me and gave me to the two people who became my mom and dad. I was seven months old, and they raised me. And I never knew who my mom was. I knew her name, and I have no idea who my dad is. I've never seen him. And I'll get into something that is, to me, so vital today towards the end. But my daddy couldn't read or write a word that raised me, and we found out in 1991 that my mother had grade 5 education. And they gave me a great home and a great opportunity. I was the only child. An opportunity for everything. But you know, I always bow my head when I say this serenity prayer because it says God grant. And do you know when you apply for a grant, if you merit it, you'll get it. If you don't, you won't. so I think sometimes we think we're going to get serenity just by saying the serenety prayer it don't work that way it don'T work that sereniety is not the absence of conflict but the ability to cope with it and so I think sometimes we get so serene we just doze off you know there's nothing wrong with that except when you wake up, it's still there. But I want to tell you, I went to school, I got minimal education, but I'd done a couple of things that I shall never forget. When I was 16, just over 16 years of age, I was put in jail for 30 days for car theft and impaired driving. And when I got out of there that following summer I went to a dance about 30 miles from home with three of my buddies on a Friday. And I come back the following Wednesday and the only way I could have been any drunker is to be bigger. And I walked into our home and my mom was a little short lady. And she started giving me a lecture as any mom would do. And why I did what I did, don't ask me. But I hauled off and hit her right in the face and she went down in front of our kitchen sink. And I grabbed some of my clothes, a bunch of them, in a bag and took off for Halifax, Nova Scotia. That was just before my 17th birthday. In 1985, mom asked me to come back when I see her. She was 72 years old the next time I seen her. And I'm a tough guy too. I get guys coming into my office over the years from back where I'm from and they were saying, I was a tough guy too, Luke. Thanks, sweetie. You don't become tough by fighting. I look around here this weekend and there's not a doubt in my mind that 99% of the man in here can beat hell out of me, but that don't mean you're tough. That just means you can beat me. We'll find out how tough you are when you go out there and face life on life terms. From Halifax to Vancouver, I've been on just about every skid road and every Sally Ann mission and singing my heart out for two glazed donuts. And if I accepted Christ as my personal Savior, they'd throw in another one if I was hungry I did. It had nothing to do with faith or belief, it had something to do with survival. And thank God the Salvation Army was always there in every town. And I left a trail behind me that is indescribable. In most cities in Vancouver it is on record. I was not a pleasant person to meet. I fought with every single man I ever met. And why? Because I headed out with a chip on my shoulder. And you're going to find out as a result of these steps, if you're walking around with a tip on your shoulder, it's usually from the block upstairs. Because for most of us, our thinking was just like cement, well mixed and firmly set. And all of a sudden, you know, I was the person who loved to sing. I loved to sing in the legions the army and navy. I love to sing in the clubs, them old country and western songs I was in Vancouver I was singing with this fella and then I met a friend of his and at a beer parlor in the skid road he said come on, I'm going to take you up he said I know somebody I want you to meet and he took us up to this house where this lady had just been evicted from a house with four kids and had just moved into this other one about three doors down that day. And we went up the stairs and she'd seen him and he was drunk and I hadn't even got upstairs and she pushed him and he come down and knocked me down and we got back in the car and took off. The next morning, we woke up in this car and I said to Chuck, I said, where was that place you took me last night? And he told me where it was and I says, take me back there. so on the way back I stopped at a corner store and I got a loaf of bread a pound of bacon and a dozen eggs and we went back to this house and I went up the stairs first and I never knocked on the door I just opened it and walked in and here was this lady standing there so pale and I put that bag on the counter and I said cook me some breakfast and she did and I was there for the next ten years I'm still a lot like that I'm like a dog you feed me, I don't leave I just stay right there and you know we wound up with six kids two more I have six children fifteen grandchildren five great-grandchildren and we live in such a different world I can be around kids today and young people. I haven't got a clue what the hell they're saying, but I can be around them because I can just sit amongst them and everything is cool and far out and totally radical and every now and then I say, uh-huh, and I'm right in the conversation. They don't ever tell me where they've been, where they're going or what happened, but everything is Coolman. Well, I want to tell you if you look at the dictionary when someone tells you you're cool, what it says in the dictionary is not so hot. You know, we came to this fellowship and for many years never knew why it all happened. You know, it's like the guy that died and went to heaven. And God ushered him into this room and he said, when you get unpacked, he said I'll come back and get and show you around. While God was gone, He looked down in the clouds and there was a whole bunch of young people down there, rock music going, drinking, dancing, having a ball. And God come back in and He said to God, what's this I see down here in the cloud? A whole bunch OF young people down there drinking, dancing, rock, music, going, having the ball. He said, that's hell. Well, He said I can tell you it shouldn't be the wrong place. That's where I'm supposed to be. So they gathered His gear up and shipped Him down. He arrived in this stinking, dirty, hot, grungy hole of a room when Satan comes in and the guy said, what's this? And he said, it's hell. He said, what's just I see up here in the clouds a whole bunch of young people up there drinking rock music going having a ball. Satan said, that's our marketing department. Didn't Charlie Pride say the crystal chandeliers light up the paintings on your wall the marble statues are standing stately in the hall that's the dream that we've lived that is not reality outward appearances is not inward reality at all I put that woman and those kids through an absolute hell I never paid for anything in my entire life repossessions unbelievable buy a new stove repossess it buy a front room furniture repossESS it that was the story of my life I have no idea how many times Winnie and I split up and when I did I always went back downtown to where I was comfortable on the Skid Row now a lot of people have a very not a kind feeling or thought about Skid row areas I want to tell you it's not at all what you think if you're like I was the greatest place in the world family don't bug you kids don't mug you creditors don't bog you wives don't bag you nobody knows nothing down there they're all in the same boat if brainless were made elastic they wouldn't have enough make a jockstrap for a mosquito they just they don't know nothing so it's a great place to be the last time we sped up I went back down to the Salvation Army and then November the 15th of 1963 I got thrown out of the Rainier Hotel on the skid row for what I pray to God was my last drunk and I was beat beyond description blood all over and I got back up to where Winnie and the kids were living and this was six weeks before Christmas and how I got there I don't know but I knocked on the door and she opened the door and she said what are you doing here and I never said nothing I just walked right by her and in the house and I hadn't been there for a while but she always asked stupid questions what areyou doing here how the hell would I know what I was doing there I was just hoping she didn't ask me how did you get here because you know the answers that we give And to us, they are totally sensible. When you're gone for like ten days and you come home, where have you been? Nowhere. What were you doing? Nothing. Who were you with? Nobody. Now you can't go nowhere and do nothing to be with nobody for ten days. I could. I want to tell you, I went in. I sat down on the floor and I had a half a bottle of wine I brought with me. And I want to tell You the situation we were in. In them days in British Columbia where I lived they could repossess everything in the house except the beds that the children slept on. They can't do that today. That's changed. The lights were shut off, the hydro. The phone was disconnected and Winnie was cooking on a Coleman camp stove, whatever she had to feed the children. And Einstein returned. The next morning, I woke up and I have no idea where I ever heard of Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't ever recall hearing the name. I never knew anybody that was in it. But I said to Winnie, I said, what's the number of Alcoholic Anonymous? And you never heard Winnie swear in your life, but she did that. If you want the GD number. She said, you look it up. And that's the most she'd said to me in months and I thought, she's thinking of reconciliation already. So I got the phone book out because they hadn't repossessed that and I looked up the number but we had no phone. I went next door to my neighbor who was a brewmaster for Molson's Breweries to phone Alcoholics Anonymous now the one thing you can't explain to people is an expression you have to see them and I want to tell you he sat down and his eyes was getting bigger by the minute with this conversation because he asked me who are you phoning and I said Alcoholics Anonymous and he was just dead silent and Lucy who was on the phone at that time she passed on Today, when you phone her in the group office, you fill out a form about that long. Then she just said, how old are you? I said, 28 years of age. She said, where do you live? And I told her. She never asked me nothing else. She said I'll send two guys up to see me. And she sent two of the dumbest people I have ever met in my life. And they were back for where I'm from because where I am from on the east coast of Canada, that's where approximately 78% of your illiteracy is in Canada. Very few people had any education, they just worked. And they sent these two brothers. One guy had been sober 23 days. And they'd come in and sit down. Now I had got together a bunch of questions that I wanted to ask. And some of them, I realized today, were quite intellectual. For people who know what an intellectual is, That's a person who's educated beyond their capacity to understand. Now, when you get two people to come on a 12-step call to see you and all three of you have to sit on the floor, there shouldn't be a lot to be said. So I started on my next door neighbor and this one guy, the one brother, he said, No, Lou, we live and let live. Ain't that right, Don? He hit him in the ribs. He'd say, Yep. And then I said, Look at the mess we're in six weeks before Christmas. The smart guy, he said, Lou, We do it a day at a time. He said, Right, Don. He said Yep. And I thought you'd only hit me twice in the rib and I'd move over. But you see, I could see that this one guy was really used to torture. They listened to me for about three hours and about five o'clock they said we're going to go get dinner and we'll be back to get you to take you to a meeting at eight o' clock. I'm not going to go into a lot more but I want to remember this first day because I know some of you maybe went through this. When they were leaving the smart guy, the four word fella he said now just remember Lou if you don't take that first drink you'll stay sober and they left I said to Winnie did you hear what he said? Months later I realized how inconsiderate can you be to get two people to drive 20 miles to tell you if you don't drink you'll stay sober I'd never thought of that I thought what a hell of an idea but what happened after they left I went out our back door and across the lane to a neighbor we had. And I don't ever want to forget it. I went up his back patio stairs and across his deck and in the house and he's sitting there with a glass of whiskey. And he went to take a drink. I said, put that down or I'll kill you. Once again, you can't explain an expression. He said, what happened to you? I said, I quit drinking. He said, when? I said it must be six or eight hours now. I hadn't even been to my first meeting and the Oral Roberts of AA was up in the... And I lived in Little Italy. That night they picked me up to take me to my first meeting, and I want you to picture this. Six foot tall, 128 pounds. Two pounds of that was ears. And I had those, if anyone's ever been on the skids in cool weather, I had them wine sores all over me. You know, when you'd shiver and get them little goose bumps, if you drank a lot of wine, they'll just pop and infect. They were between my fingers all over. and a black shoe on and a brown shoe. You still can't buy shoes that way in the same box. I got all colored shoes. A guy at the front door said, welcome, you're in the right place. I thought, 28 years old, first time that's ever been said to me. I had magistrates tell me where I should be. Some even carried it further than that. He said, you are in the correct place. And they took me up and set me right where it dawned, in the front row. Now, I don't know if any of you people have experienced this. if you're brand new. And every speaker they called up was a collector's item like me, about 70, with a cane, glasses that were all twisted to hell, a hearing aid that didn't work and teeth that didn' t fit. And they all had them suspenders. And they'd lean way back till their head touched the floor and come right back up, you know, like they were spring-loaded. and they'd look right down at you and say material things don't mean nothing I thought well if I looked like you they wouldn't mean a hell of a lot to me neither and I watched these birds leave with Lincolns and Cadillacs and Buicks and I thought now I missed something in their bloody talk and it's amazing how things turn out material things mean absolutely nothing to me today because I got them if you're going to carry this message you put yourself where he's sitting not try to get him where you're sitting this is the secret of this whole thing is you put yourself where he is sitting I borrowed $200 and started a trucking business could have couldn't get a job nowhere this is a story in itself my first set of business cards cost more than my first truck they were black embossed cards citywide cartage moving in stories limited and 14 karat gold leaf flattering Louis Fenimore president if you're the only bloody employee call yourself whatever the hell you want I mean, I'm amazed whether we get so concerned about a DCM and a PhD and a BA. I mean I want to tell you they weren't good on the thermometer but other than that for nothing. Well it's interesting. It's been a fabulous journey. We had two more children. But that first Christmas, six weeks before Christmas, somebody had our lights hooked up until this day. I don't know who it was. Somebody hooked up her phone. Somebody brought us a Christmas tree and all the trimmings. And somebody bought the five children a Christmas present, and that's all they got. And we got seven Christmas cards that year, and my name was not on one of them. It just said to Winnie and the kids. today I receive an average of 400 Christmas cards from all four corners of the world and I know every signature that's on it a card means more to me than anything every time I speak whether it's in Australia, New Zealand South Africa, India wherever I've been speaking I take a card off of the front desk I take a card out of a restaurant I'm in and I send a thank you card to that restaurant, to here, to the airline I'm on, the seat I'm sitting in. It's just part of my life to say thank you to everybody. Somebody mentioned it here about recognizing people. That's what we're dealing with is people. Not alcoholics or addicts or schizophrenics. We're dealing mit people. They walk, talk and shake hands. They've got a first, middle and last name. And what people have done for me is beyond your wildest dreams. Three years later, I was able to get four new trucks on credit. And I thought it was really a big deal at 24.5% interest. Abco Delta. You see, this disease of perception is so incredible. So incredible. You're just thinking, God, I got a new car at 25% interest? Look what's happening to the housing market and I got a new home. And all of a sudden, I had a new hope. See, a fellow that I sponsored came to my group one night. He said, you'll never guess what, Lou. He said they repossessed my pickup. I said, they can't. It's illegal in Canada. It's legal in this country. It's against the law. He said don't tell me they did. I said I'm not going to argue that But I said, can I straighten something out for you? He said, what? I said they repossessed their pickup. Never dawned on him. The only reason I said that because I was the same way when I bought a new car. I'd say, Benoit, come on over and see my new car I haven't made a payment My new car These steps sort that all out for you. These steps sort this all out for you I'm going to read something to you here about this carrying the message in the big book it says but the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution who is properly armed with facts about himself not AA can win the confidence of his fellow man or woman in a matter of hours Until this has been done, little or nothing can be accomplished. Facts about himself. You know, I just look at statistics. I travel all over the world. In 1990, they said there was approximately 2 million members. They're telling us we got just about the same today, 18 years later. And that we've sold over 26 million books. That tells me there's 24 million people wondering where we hold meetings. You know, Gail done some incredible workshops this weekend. I just pray that you really listen to what was said. My old sponsor said to me, he said, I think you should read A Comes of Age Before You Ever Touch a Big Book and then you'll know what you belong to. and read Dr. Bob and the good old timers and this is why I give my full name because on the pamphlet Understanding Anonymity second page in the back it said we strongly suggest that you use full names at AA meetings and particularly on committees and Dr.Bob said refusing to give your full name at AA meets is breaking the tradition of anonymity equally as much as a level of press, radio, TV and film something you don't hear a lot talked about it said a much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes I like the word respective homes occupations and affairs in the book here in the next page over spiritual principles will solve all my problems I don't ever have a problem I don't have a problem today. I have a lot of situations, but the principles tell me if you look after them, there will never be a problem. Like my wife and I, I'll talk about Linda later, we met at an AA convention in 1990. I was asked to fill in for a speaker about 600 miles from home. And Linda lived in the next province 900 miles from where I was. And she went out to that convention to take a drunken nephew on her husband's side who had died with MS to this convention to see if he'd seen anything. And he was three-quarters drunk when she brought him there. And the whole thing couldn't have worked out better. He's still drunk and we're married. And we have never had an argument or a disagreement from the day we met in 1990, never. And we are so different. We are so difficult. We are different. I mean, so little in common when we met. But the thing about it, I wouldn't want to change a thing about her. She is crazier than hell. When we were in New Zealand, she jumped off of the original bungee bridge in Arrowtown, you know, 491 feet down a canyon. That's my dope on a rope. I'm absolutely scared to death for anybody to suggest anything to her. And I support everything she does. it says how do you live in your respective homes very few people talk about how they live right at home very few people my wife is not a her or a she when you come into my group and say which one is your wife I'll say that's Linda over there with the red top and the grey hair she is not my maid or my butler I was speaking in Cincinnati several years ago Linda and I Angie was there that time. I was talking about how I live in my home. I get up in the morning, have a shower. The walls are all wiped down and cleaned. The glass doors are all done. The taps are polished. The countertop is done. The mirror is done in the bathroom. I make the bed as soon as I get out. When I go to the bathroom, I don't stand up. I sit down. See, men don't understand this because underneath that seat it's all yellow and who cleans it? Her. See, my wife is not my maid. She's not my butler. We do everything together. I just felt so good yesterday. I went over to Dillard and bought her the most beautiful dress I've ever bought her. And I buy all her clothes. 95% of everything in her wardrobe I buy when I travel. And people say, men don't buy women's clothes. You tell your story and let me tell mine. I think the most inconsiderate thing I could do would be to hand Linda a check at Christmas and say, you get yourself something, sweetheart. You know what you like. Take a bloody look at her. She wears whites or reds. What a cop-out. I don't know what she likes. Take a look at Her. Does she always walk around naked? You might like Her that way, but that ain't the way it is. That's not the way It is. So that's how I live at home. we do everything together. We walk through the mall together holding hands, we shop together, we golf together, we walk our little Jack Russell together like when I met Linda she wouldn't golf and I'm not going to tell you what she said about it. It's not repeatable at this convention but about eight years ago she said well get me an old set of used clubs and I'll try it. So I bought her a new set of clubs. I bought Her 10 lessons and two years ago she got her second hole in one. I listen to a lot of people say, oh, I couldn't play golf. Why? It's a lot like sex. You don't have to be good at it to enjoy it. The reason I love golf is because I'm not playing against anybody. It's not like hockey, football, baseball where you're throwing the ball and a guy catches it and throws it. It's just me, a club, and a ball. And so I think this is the thing that AA has taught me is to stop being competitive. And after nine years with that trucking business I brought a guy into AA. I have an in-depth 12-step meeting I've had for 41 years and I've got everything on paper. All the steps are on paper I've got four different Step 4s done out. And it tells you where in the big book, in the 12 and 12. Not the 12 I tell. That's a piece of timber. The 12 and12. And it tell you on what page you'll find the answers to everything. And it says we know that one man with this book in his hand, it contains all the answers you will need. All the answers. I don't need a library full of other books. I've Got Some. I don' t Need Them. And so I think it's important that this fellow that was in the step meeting, he owns the four largest custom-designed jewelry stores in the city of Vancouver. A Danish fellow. And he had lunch one day and he said, I've been listening to you talking and running step meetings and that. He said, how would you like to manage my main jewelry store? And I said, I'd love it. Now why I said that, I don't know. Here's this little boy that all he ever done was move furniture. and I sold a trucking company and the week after I was setting manager of Ragnar Jewelers at 12th and Granville in Vancouver and he went to the bank and the lady come in Mrs. Saba who owns the two largest most expensive ladies stores in Vancouver Saba Brothers and she dumped some gemstones out on this burgundy pad and said what can you do with these and I felt like saying puke you know I mean I didn't know an emerald was green or a ruby was red and so I was sent away to take a course on grading of diamonds and gemstones and at the end of my first month the Ragnar worked with me his sales was $7,800 and mine was $33,481 and I've been selling ever since not a product, me I sell myself it says trust God clean house and help others and it tells me that I cannot do the last until I've done the first two this program is designed to strip the britches right off you like when I was my little boy my youngest one he's 44 was 2 years old and we were at the Hotel Vancouver at our big convention and he got into a can of Drano and ate it and he spent the next 11 months close to it in the hospital his skin grafted new eyelids on him because when Drano hits your saliva it becomes 94% pure acid and he rubbed it all over his face. And when we got to the hospital, his whole face looked like ground beef. It just bubbled all over. Do you know what's interesting? With all them months in the hospital when it was all over, we got a bill for $125. That's what it is to have Medicare where you don't pay nothing. In the field of alcoholism, you can be in treatments in BC for the next 30 years and you don'T pay one penny. that little boy today the only thing you can see is some spots on his upper lips where they grafted and his right eye still don't close all the way when he sleeps but it's just about there and he's 44 you see all of the things that's come my way and I never knew who done it and so after that Christmas I set up a program when I got my truck in business for the next 38 years I delivered my own Christmas hampers I had them put together I knew where they were going I knew the people needed them and when Daryl was 18 years of age we went to see the doctor that had done all the skin grafting and we went up to the children's hospital where he was for so long and asked him if I could put a TV in the hospital and she said in the new hospital here Mr. Fendermore we've got TVs in every room now for the children so they found a room downstairs about 20 by 20 nothing was in it it was empty. I said, can we do something here? And she said, what? I said can we set up a little sort of a gym for the kids? And she says, I'll take it to the board. So she did and they agreed. So we bought a weight barbell set, three bicycles three rowing machines and some little trampolines and we went up every Tuesday night Daryl and I and we'd sit with them kids as they're on there you know. And they're as good as they'll ever going to be. And we're belly aching. you know men make counterfeit money and money makes counterfeit men I'm as humble as any guy you'd ever met with 50 bucks if I got a thousand in my pocket you'd think Errol Flynn just strolled into the room so the one thing these steps has taught me is to remain the right size I stayed in that jewelry business three years and then I quit and went selling Electrolux vacuum cleaners to get some experience in rejection Don't laugh, it works. They still tell the story about me. Now this is 35, yeah, about 33 years ago. My first day in the job, you know these sales managers, they give them pep talks in the morning and I went flying out of the office with a shampooer in one hand and a vacuum cleaner in the other and I headed out towards Deep Cove. An area out on the ocean where I eventually wound up living later on. But the first doorbell I rang, this lady opened the door and I gave her my card and I said, Good morning, I'm Mr. Fenimore, your letter of luxe representative in this area now. And I never knew a door could be slammed that hard and a house still stay upright. Honest to God. I mean, you don't know what it feels like. It scared the living hell out of me. And why I did it, I don't want to know. But I went around the back of the house knocking on the door and she opened the drawer and I say, God, I hope you're not as unhappy is the lady who was just at the front door. She said, would you like a coffee? I said, I'd love one. I didn't sell her a vacuum or a shampoo. I didn' t have to. I sold a ton of them. But the one thing I did was I broke down a barrier. Her and that family became a friend of mine. When we went to Russia they called us, we didn't call them. We broke down a barrier over the God issue. Our job in AA is to break down the barriers. What people think of me is none of my business. I don't play games. I love it, but I hate losing. So I don'T play games I donT refer to anyone as an idiot, a jerk, an a-hole or anything else and the reason I DON'T because my old sponsor, old Joe the Winer said you must have the same qualities or you would have never detected them in them. And he said it is grossly unfair to take your inventory and use someone else's name. Like I was saying, when we say the serenity prayer, I bow my head in reverence. You know, there's only one choice in the big book. God is or He isn't. He's everything or He's nothing. What was your choice to be? Look at the shortest paragraph in the Big Book on page 88. It works. It really works. Five words. Shortest paragraph. See, we love... Like I can quote the book or whatever. That don't mean a thing. This thing is about me living what I'm quoting. That's what becomes difficult. And so today, I'm extremely pleased with the life I live. and when I look at the blessings that's come my way and the things that I've had the chance to do. Every dream I've ever had has come true. God has never let me down. I ask for help every morning. I do a step ten in my den before I go to bed every single night of the year. I read eight to ten pages of this book every single day of the years. There are no exceptions. it doesn't ask us to read this book it says we beg of you to study this book a lot of difference between reading it and studying it so I look back on my life and after the jewelry and the electrolyte business I opened a wood stove and fireplace insert store which was the biggest thing in Canada in the coal countries for gas going up big business I had that for 10 years Then I marketed the AbleWalker. We went to Taipei and Taiwan and had that made, the mobility aid. There's one right here with the brakes and the little seat. And do you know, here one day I was invited to go to the medical show and display that in Atlanta, Georgia. This little boy from Missali had mission. 1985, I got a phone call, and this fellow said, Mr. Fenimore, and I said, yeah, he said, we would like to know if you would be interested in being the banquet speaker at our national convention. I said, where? He said, in the Republic of South Africa. I just couldn't believe it. And so I got on a plane and flew to England and spent a week and got on another one through Egypt and I was about an hour and a half at the Yansmots Airport in Johannesburg and I just burst out crying. And this little hostess come back and she said, can I help you sir? I said no darling you wouldn't understand and I stayed there because I've always had a job ever since I quit drinking in the companies I've owned or managed where I can take as much time off as I want so I went for three months and they flew me to 29 places throughout Africa what an experience I lived four days in Soweto with 8 million black people and I was the only white person and I wish you could come to my home and see the things that they presented me with that were all hand done. And they presented me with a neck piece that is only presented to heads of states and here a tramp from Vancouver caught one. I went down to Durban and they had made arrangements for to take me escort me into Zulaland and at that time Budalisi who was headed to Zulu tribe would not allow anybody into Zululand and isn't it amazing I got in there because his wife had 18 months of sobriety at that point after that I got a phone call one day and my fellow said can I have lunch with you and I said yeah he said boy have I got a deal for you I had lunch I said what he said the provincial government here would like to know if you'd start an alcohol and drug program up for the British Columbia Racing Commission thoroughbred and standard bred horse racing and I thought you've got to be kidding I accepted it he told me the wages and I accepted quick I went to work for them and I said, what days do I work? They said, we wouldn't know. I said what, how many hours a day I work. He said, haven't got a clue. I said when do I take my holidays? He said whenever you want to. I said how long? He said as long as you want. And I thought the right job for me. They sent me to Kentucky the University of Louisville Norton Psychiatric Center where I took my certification and when I left that racetrack ten years later we had I think 191 people clean and sober six meetings a week and nobody had to be cleared to walk into any of them, just be an AA member. This program will open the door to anything and any place that you feel cannot be opened. You're building an archway through which you walk a free man. And so I really have to look at what it actually says. In this step meeting that I have, I like to look at the steps and I have to go through them word for word. you know it said they're all in past tense the steps it's interesting we admitted not will admit we came to believe not will come to believe we made a decision not will make a decision and the steps are actually pretty simple the first one you fess up two and three you look up four, five, six and seven you clean up eight and nine you pay up and ten, eleven and twelve keep it up I look at the relapse area in our area, and it is mind-boggling. I'm talking 35 years sober, 32, 29, a husband and wife of 24. And so I really dissect step one. I don't change it. It said we admitted we were powerless over alcohol. A lot of people say, and that our lives have become unmanageable. But there's no and in there. There's a dash. There's the dash. When my mom died, her headstone said Yvonne Marie Fenimore 2013 to 2000. Them two sets of numbers just told you how long she was on earth. The dash tells you everything. It tells you anything. But I go back further than that. It says we admitted, and stop right there when it comes to what's going on today. We admitted we were powerless. Powerless said that I had less power than was required to meet my everyday obligations. We were powerless over going where we go, doing what we do, saying what we say, saying no when we should say yes, saying yes when we shouldn't say no, being with people we shouldn'T be with. There's when you're on your way out. the alcohol see alcohol was just a transportation system for me that got me here because if alcohol was the problem how come I was unfaithful to my wife after I came to AA I didn't take inventory I took stock and the more I looked the worse she looked and it's still happening today I see it I see if you're coming in here looking for a relationship like I've said the odds are good but the goods are odd and then it said our lives there's an S on that word it is not singular our lives have become unmanageable and that's why it's so important for me to look at how I live in my respective home I have a financial life a social life a physical life a family life an employment life and a sexual life are they all in order? that's why they said what an order I can't go through with it somebody said here yesterday about the rules of this convention somebody said there are no rules read the doctor's opinion on the fourth page over I think it says all we must do is follow a simple set of rules and it's not a suggestion so I think these are the things you know we get into contradictions and arguments when we don't have a leg to stand on said we came to believe people say I have trouble believing in this God stuff they don't give us a choice they take that right away from me in the second step doesn't say we came to believe in a power greater than ourself said we come to believe that a power bigger than our self could restore us to sanity and what is sanity it says a true recognition of what and who we really are followed by a sincere desire to become what we're capable of becoming isn't that interesting and it said restore you see so my first 20 years in AA I restored old cars I'd done a 28 Buick and a 38 Buick and a 40 Dodge and a 59 Ford Fairlane 500 And I had to look up the meaning of the word restore. And it says to return to original form. And so the good Lord has returned me to what I was as a little boy when Daddy could give me a little slap on the backside and I'd crawl back up on his lap and say, I love you, Daddy. I've been restored to that type of an individual where I can forgive. I can say I'm sorry. And I can saying I love ya and mean it. and I couldn't mean that until I looked up the word love in the dictionary and it said genuine concern for your fellow human being under all conditions it's an unconditional thing it's funny out of the whole 12 steps only once do they ask us to make a decision they know that's not one of our strong points agreeing with them yet we don't even want to make a position on where to go eat you pick a place wherever you pick it and the food's not good it's your idea to come here not mine I don't put myself in any place where there's a chance that I could wind up looking bad. But it said we made a decision to turn our will and our lives, that's my thinking and my actions. And it was mentioned last night, it says we turned it over to the care of God as we understood Him. See, I never turned anything. If I turn something over to Tom, I expect him to look after it. You see, this here is a different thing. It's like if I ask Benoît, would you babysit our son while Linda and I go to play tonight? It's in her care. But when the play's over, I must go back and pick him up and take him home and nurture him and raise him. See, that borderline between humility and senility is very thin with drunks, I'll tell you that. Yeah. When we ask someone to turn something over, we expect them to do it. No. That's not it at all. Not at all." So I think these are the things that I have to look at. It said we made a searching and fearless moral inventory and not a fearful immoral. We're not talking about moral. Isn't it interesting in all the studies they've done that every human being has 26 assets and they all have 26 defects? So the good are half bad and the bad are half good. we're not bad people we've got to get off of that they ask you to turn your will and your life over to the care of God if you've never done anything before in your life as a favor to yourself do that please do that please it's not even a bad idea to get down on your knees even if you don't believe in God just to check and see if gangrene is going to set in just try it It's just an exercise in faith. Do you know what's interesting? Step five is my favorite because I've listened to over a thousand in Maple Ridge Treatment Center alone. I don't know how many of them have ever done a step five, but I listen to them. And I hear people say, I took four hours and five hours and three hours, and I'm thinking, what in hell were you doing? It says, though I admit to God, to myself, and another human being In the exact nature, there's no S on that word. It's the nature of my wrongs, not the wrongs. And when I went to do my first Step 5 and told this old guy, I said, you know, I've been unfaithful to Winnie. He said, we know that. I want to know why. And I thought, ooh, they're getting personal. You know, we like to tell people about all the things we've done wrong. But in no way do we want to tell them why. Mine was because of that little boy at New Brunswick. I was teased all my life as a little boy about my big ears and boils and what my real mother was. And that insecurity. I just love ladies. I just loved women. Because last year, the year before last, Linda and I for a month and a half holiday went to India and lived in the Punjab. We traveled 5,000 miles up onto the Pakistan border into the Himalayas and down into Shimla and the Golden Temple in Taj Mahal. And I got a first look to see how women are treated, 1.4 billion people. And I went there because we have the largest East Indian community outside of India in Vancouver and Surrey, about 380,000. And women are nothing. The boys are everything. And I'll tell you now, the Punjabi group on Saturday night never has less than 300 people there, and their wives are with them. this is the experiences that we share. We're talking about equality. It's a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength with each other, unquote. It can't mean anything else. And so when I look at the exact nature of my wrongs, you know, if I'm listening to the fifth step of a street worker, Do I have to listen to every trick she's turned? No. If she felt that was the wrong, why did you do it? Support your kids, support a habit to pay your rent. We're talking about the nature of the wrongs. I was one no good SOB, I can tell you. But I look at my life today. My credit rating is five star. I learned that from people much wiser than I. You know, the only way I can be successful and comfortable today if I keep myself totally surrounded by people smarter than me. Dr. Bob said to Bill, we must watch our errant tongues. It's comforting to know that the tongue located in a damp area has a tendency to slip when moving fast. we don't learn you know a little gal I was speaking I got a couple here today that come down to spend two days with me from Thibodeau, Louisiana I met them when I spoke there in 91 and we've become really close friends and they come up and spent some time with Linda and I a couple of three months ago do you realize how I treasure that what you people mean to me you have no idea what you People mean to Me and so all I say is when you're looking at step 5 look at the nature of your wrongs not the wrongs do you know they talk about 12 steps on page 83 but I read them too I think one of the greatest promises in all our literature on the third page in Step 5 of the 12 and 12 where it says this is the vital step whereby you'll get the feeling, not the thinking. You'll get to know God and you'll have the feeling that you can be forgiven no matter what you have thought or done. Man, what a promise for a drunk. What a promise. He said we were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character and we humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings. One is my thinking and one is my actions. I think one of my favorite prayers is, God, I offer myself to Thee to build and do with me as Thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties and victory over them. Isn't that interesting? I can stop right there. If I don't get rid of my difficulties, there is no victory. There is no victor. So these steps, Step 8 says we made a list of all persons we have harmed. It didn't say hurt, it said harm. I can leave here and my friend from Louisiana, Dale, I can tear him to shreds for the next four years wherever I travel. And then he gets back to him. And he said, how could a friend hurt me like that? But for four years it's been harm. Made direct demands to such people wherever possible except when to do so. and a demand is to change, it's not an apology. And then we said we continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, it doesn't say if we were wrong, it says promptly admitted it, not to explain it. And to me there's an incredible difference between admitting when I'm wrong and explaining it because eventually I'll have you apologizing you was even there. Step 11 is the first assumption I found in the 12 steps. That we sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God. They're assuming we have a conscious contact. Have you? Conscious means awake or aware. Praying only for knowledge of His will for us. What's it say in the book? His will für uns ist to be happy, joyous and free. It's in the books. You've just got to read and find it. A lot of this stuff is hidden, but it's in there. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. What is the spiritual awakening in the dictionary? A complete transformation of thought. If you've completely changed your way of thinking as a resultado of these steps, then you've got a message to carry. And we practice these principles in all our affairs. You see, when I come in, I practice affairs with no principles. and this old bird said no we got a whole different approach to that Luke but I want to go into a couple of things that tell you just what all has happened I give my full name for a good reason but four years ago a fellow that lived way back in the southern part of New Brunswick got four of my cassette tapes from a taper in Guelph, Ontario and I'm talking about the value of tapes and the value of your name his wife said he listened to these tapes every day and he's never had a drink since it's 24 years and she said wherever they went he'd say put that loo tape in and he'd listen to it he found out where I was born and so he got our email somehow and he sent an email to Linda and he said I don't know much about this loo anymore but I wonder if you could get him to phone me. So I did. And he told me who he was. He said, my name's Ed Kearney. He said you said in your tape you were born in a little railroad town called Roostie Junction. I said yes. He said did you know Fred Saunders? I said yeah, he was Mom and Daddy's neighbor. Well he said his sister Velma was my mother. I said, I hope you're sitting down. She was my mom too. This all happened because of my name. I just don't know how the world feels that we've turned two million people loose on them with no last names. if you don't know your last name how the hell do you even find yourself that little lady that I hit in the face when I was 16 and a half years of age 1991 she phoned Linda Nye and said daddy had died And she said, would you and Louie come back and pick me up and bring me out to spend her final years with us? The furthest she'd ever been from home in her whole life was 23 miles. She'd never been on a bus in her life or nothing. And we got her down through a snowstorm in February and got her on an airplane, and that took off. And what an experience, you know, if you could have watched her. And she'd come out. And a lot of people don't realize the weather's nice in Vancouver. I play golf every day of the year. They think it's below zero all over Canada, but it isn't. In that 65-mile region, it's beautiful. And four years after she was out there one night when we were going back to our place, she took my face in her hands and she said, Louie, I love you. It took a long time to get that back. But I'll tell you the crowning thing. and we were sitting beside her bed holding her hand when she took her final breath. And Linda said to her, she was looking at it, she said, it's okay, Mom, you can go. And she said okay, and she went. And a government agent brought her will over to where she was at the nursing home, and she was still laying there in the bed. and he handed it to me and he said your mother's made you the executor of her estate and I just about laughed and I opened it up she said I leave my entire estate to my son my estate 50% to my sun Louis Ralph Fenimore and 50% to my daughter-in-law Linda Dawn Fenimore we opened it out and there was $200,000 that she saved from a labor's wages during the Depression. And then being in the treatment business, I listen to more people blaming their parents today that I could just throw up. Your parents did the best they could do with what they had. Things have changed. We live in a different world today. we don't learn a great deal from what we see on the movie reading the book you know it's like the two hunters in Ontario this plane flew them into this lake and they landed and taxied up to the dock and the hunters got out and the pilot told them I'll be back and get you next Wednesday and remember two mooses is all we can get out of here on this plane so next Wednesday he came in he landed, taxied, up tothe dock there they were and they had three moose. He said, I told you, we can't get three mooses, you two hunters in your gear on this plane and get out of here. They said, don't give us that stuff. We heard it last year from the other pilot and we gave him $500 and he took our three moosed so the guy went for it. Loaded the three moos, the two hunters and their gear and they went down the lake and off of the lake and cleared the trees and away they went. They went about 12,000 yards and crashed. When they come to, one hunter said to the other, where are we? He said 1,000 years further than we got last year. You know, you folks have been so kind to me. The good Lord has blessed me with so much. I've been able to speak at conventions in Australia, New Zealand, India, South Africa, Singapore. This fall, Linda and I are heading off for Pattaya Beach in Thailand for a month and a half. People say, oh, it must be nice. You can fly to Thailand or Portugal, which are two of the most gorgeous beach areas in the world. For half the price you can fly to Cancun or Honolulu. Okay? Just change your thinking. The world is your oyster. Crack it open and eat it. This is God's world you're living in. And do you know what's neat? He includes you in His world. Welcome to my world. That's it. that's it in a nutshell I hear people say I can't do this and I can' t do that this is impossible I'm going to close with this little story that means so much to me I don't know how many of you here remember Jimmy Durante but old Jimmy was entertaining a bunch of troops and all of a sudden another officer from another brigade said to him could you come to our men for just like 10 minutes. They'd love it. It would make their life. And his manager said, we can't. We're booked solid. He said, I'll do it anyway, just for 10 minutes, so he went there and he walked out on the stage to this thunderous applause and roar and he was out there 10 minutes 15 20 25 half an hour and he finally walked off the stage to a thunderous applaud and his manager said, you said you were only going to be 10 minutes he said I was but he said something happened And I'd like you to come out and witness it. So he took his manager out on the stage, and they walked over to the front. And he pointed down during this thunderous applause that was still going on, he pointed it down. And there were two soldiers sitting side by side. And one had his left arm blown off in action, and the other had his right arm blown of in action. And they were clapping. You know, there's nothing so bad that it cannot be worse. There is nothing that time cannot mend. And troubles no matter how many you have must surely come to an end. You have stumbled well, so have I in my time. Don't think of the past and regret. And you're sorry, God knows, so leave it at that. Let the past be the past. And forget. Don't despair. Don't give up. But just be yourself, the self that is highest and best. and forgive all my faults and I'll forgive yours and we leave up to God all the rest. I only pray that I can be the type of friend you've been to me. Good day and God bless you.