Why the Big Book Says ‘Fully Concede’ – Mickey B.

To do did I tell you I want what you've got Well, I just had it confirmed. I think the guy said that it's on now is it on all right? Oh It has oh god. I want to give you some good shit if I'd known All right Okay, let's let's get going cuz we've got a lot of ground to cover and we're just gonna have about 40 minutes or so uh 45 50 minutes maybe and uh my name's mickey bush and i'm a fully conceded alcoholic and uh it says in this little thing says hi mickey we love you mickey lots and lots and lots whole bunches all right so well i'm really glad to be here and i thank the committee for allowing me to come here and share and be a small part of this great whole i love being a participating member and and to support wacky par and all the par par pars i actually started young people's conventions and meetings in australia back in 94 i was just telling angie my friend angie p visiting from cincinnati she uh in they had no young people's meetings and conventions in australia so back in 94 i went down there and started vicky par in the in the territory of victoria and um we had a wonderful convention there vicky pa and now all seven territories of australIA have thriving young people'S conventions so from little acorns great big oak trees grow you know so um this is just another small part of that great whole wacky part i always think that it really means wild and crazy young people of aa you know that's what seems to be anyway i'm gonna hit the first three steps here uh certainly a version that may be familiar or unfamiliar with you um the way i take my troops through the first three steps and what I teach them. And before I do the first three steps, I do what I call the step before the steps. And why I do that is because there's a tremendous variable on what people believe the first step to be. I was at a meeting last night and the speaker in a whole room full of people stood at the podium and said that she did, it was easy for her to do the first step. She knew she was an alcoholic a long, long time before she even got to AA. So when she got to Alcoholics Anonymous, it was no big deal for her to admit that she was alcoholic. Well, of course, there's no mention of admitting we're alcoholic in the first of the 12 steps. See? People confuse it with the first step in recovery see the first step what i call the step before the steps is learning to fully concede to my innermost self that i was alcoholic this is the first Step in Recovery it's in the beautiful book Alcoholics Anonymous anybody read this book by the way who reads the book yeah good good good good in the beautiful book alcoholics anonymous it says we learned we had to fully concede to our innermost self that we were alcoholic this is the first step in recovery but it's not the first of the 12 steps that is a totally different step they're often confused i i see guys being told that they've done the first or the 12th steps as soon as they walk through the door raise your hand as an alcoholic they're ready for step two it's not true and it causes a great deal of discontent and eventually a great deal of relapse, and that's what I want to prevent. We've got to come from the space of being an alcoholic, who wants to get over it, to ask, what do I have to do? And that's on page 20 of the beautiful book, Alcoholics and Honest, that we all read, don't we? Yes, yeah, good. It says on page twenty, if you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it. What do I want to get over? Have I ever checked what do I want toget over? What is it that I want to getover? It's a good question. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking what do I have to do? So I've got to come from the space of being an alcoholic, who wants to get overit, to then ask what do i have to do. Presumably if you are somebody like me or somebody that had gone before for us and left footprints for us to follow um they would tell you if you're an alcoholic who wants to get over it we have a program a spiritual program 12 step spiritual program starting with step one so i've got to come from the space of being an alcoholic to then become capable of doing the first of the 12 steps which is step one see totally different step to admitting we're alcoholic though often confused i'm sure well-meaning people at least i hope they're well-meaning uh say these things but it's not true and it's and it causes a great deal of difficulty down the road apiece when when the message is not being carried correctly i call it lip flapping party line bullshit that you hear in meetings of alcoholics anonymous that have nothing to do with nothing but gets bantered around as if it's the deal For example, we hear a lot of admittance, acceptance and surrender. Not even mentioned in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, folks. Admittance, Acceptance and Surrender ain't even mentioned in the Program of Alcoholic Anonymous. But it gets bantered around as if it's the deal. Got to surrender, got to accept. You know, admitted in the first of the 12 steps is the closest we come to admittence. Otherwise, it's not even mentioned. And because folks are talking about admittance, acceptance and surrender, which ain't in the program, they're not talking about what is in the program, and that's we learned we had to fully concede to our innermost self that we were alcoholic. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently maybe, has to be smashed. Not the ego being smashed. There's no mention of the ego Being Smashed. That's what everybody wants to quote, but it doesn't say that. It says the delusion that we're like other people or presentley maybe has to be smashed, see? And of course, that is the great, you know, ism of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, I sabotage myself Oh, incredibly short memory. We have this incredibly short memory where this disease is concerned. Well, we'll remember the two dollars some dick owes us from 20 years ago. You know? But we'll forget what we've got to do and what happens to us if we don't do it. You know, and that's what happens. ISM, incredibly short-memory. Or I sponsor me. Or i sabotage myself. Etc., etc., etc. Ism. incredibly short memory is uh is what i tend to lean towards but we got to get it now we got to learn it says we learned we had to so we had to do it and it has to be done there's nothing suggestive there my friends all this suggested only crap you know there's Nothing suggested there we had to do it, and it has to be done. You see? I liken that to what the judge said to me many, many times. Yes, Mr. Bush, you can have bail provided you pay your fine. It was conditional, and that's what this program is. Very conditional, provided that we had to do it and it had to be down. So, why is it that I have to do? How do I do it? We learned we had to fully concede. Do I know what fully concede is do i even know what it is about me that makes me alcoholic we haven't got sufficient time here i usually do these uh little workshops in a minimum of two hours but we've just got about 50 minutes to cover some ground so i can't banter with you back and forth with questions but you know one of the things that most people don't understand is what it ist about them that makes them alcoholic they think they do know they believe they know and they say they know but they actually don't what it is about me that makes me alcoholic isn't what i do because i'm alcoholic what makes me alcoholic isn't the consequences and the results of being an alcoholic what makes me alcoholic isn't you know all the stuff that you hear about alcoholics once too many a thousand and a half once i start i can't stop i canít stop from starting i canít control and enjoy my drinking i got a two-fold disease obsessing on the mind allergy of the body etc etc etc all that's true if you're alcoholic it's not what makes you alcoholic there's something very specific about me that makes me alcoholic there's something different about me being alcoholic than my three sisters and brother i got three sisters in a brother they're not alcoholic they have all the reasons to be an alcoholic same blood same family same environment same everything same pain same you know hang-ups that alcoholics have but they're not alcoholic they're non-alcoholic because they don't have what i have what I have is an abnormal reaction to alcohol. They don't have that abnormal reaction to alcohol, they don't even like drinking, they don't drink very often, in fact I don't know why. I ask them why don't you drink? They say I don' t like it. I say what don't your like about it? They said well you know if I've won too many I feel sick. I said sick? You got a drink past that. Who stops at sick? I don't stop at sick. I puke, but I don' t stop drinking. You know, they don't laugh. They think I'm weird. Any other weirdos here? Yeah. And the rest of you lying mothers. I know weirdos when I see them, you know. All my life people said, What is wrong with you? What the hell's wrong with yo? For Christ's sake, what's wrong w? And they would ask me what's wrong with me as if I knew. What is wrong w? you. Oh, actually, I've got a two-fold disease. It's an obsession of the mind, allergy of the body. I can't control my drinking. I don't know what's wrong with me. What's wrong with you? Why do you drink like you do? Why don't you drink like I do? See, because I don' t know. I d' n't know what's r ong with me when I get here. My three sisters and brother, not alcoholic. I'm alcoholic. I'm alcoholic. My th re sisters and br other ain't alcoholic. They got a couple of kids apiece my two my three sisters and brother got uh a couple of kids a piece well i got a cup of kids i ain't never been married never had a wife you know of my own but i gota couple of kids and uh you know i'm alcoholic my kids ain't my three sisters an brother ain't alcoholic their kids are and i'm here to help those see what it is about me that makes me alcoholic isn't what i do because im alcoholic what makes me alcoholic Is there my abnormal reaction to alcohol? The doctor's opinion says men and women drink primarily because they like the effect produced by alcohol. What is that effect produced bei alcohol? What is the effect that the doctor's talking about men and the women like? Alcohol is a mind-altering substance. Alcohol is drug. D-R-U-G-S, devil's revenge upon God's subjects. Drugs. See? Anybody here do a few drugs? Anybody do a lot? Yeah, no shit. You see? This is Alcoholics Anonymous and we're talking about alcohol. But, you know, if you didn't do drugs, if you just and only drank alcohol, you know if you're a specialist, I'm really glad you're here. But I ain't no specialist. I'm a chemical gourmet, me. I was a social drug user. Any social drug users here, no? Couple of Al-Anons perhaps. I knew I was a social user because every time anybody said, I'm going to get loaded, I said, so shall I. So shall I? Any social users here now? Oh, yeah, yeah. See, look, what makes me alcoholic is that I have an abnormal reaction to alcohol. And what the abnormal reaction of alcohol is, is that it changes my perception of reality. Now, every one of you knew that unless I'd asked you. If I'd ask you, you wouldn't have been able to give it to me. mostly but because i've just said it and you're all zoned in on it now but you won't remember that at two o'clock in the morning if you haven't had it burned into your consciousness alcohol changes my perception of reality that's what alcohol does for the alcoholic that it doesn't do for the normal person we think it does but it doesn't alcohol doesn't do that for my three sisters and brother they don't even like the effect produced by alcohol they sometimes get drunk they sometimes go on a bender but come monday morning they take their kids to school they pay their bills and they take care of the responsibilities they don't come to tijuana with me you know see alcohol changes my perception of reality why do i want to change in perception ofality because i can't stand reality that's why i hate reality i don't want nothing to do with reality i can't stand reality screw reality i hate you and i hate this rotten rod and this rotten shit that we have to do in it you know i don't know what you brought to recovery but why i brought was a lot of hurt and hate hurt and height i hurt and i hate everything and alcohol stopped doing its job alcohol stopped changing my perception of the reality i was addicted to doing it i had a drunk body and a sober mind i couldn't stop doing it and once i was doing it i couldn't stop from doing it but it wasn't changing my perception of reality it wasn'T making it okay for me to be in here in this rotten world with you rotten people doing rotten shit and i hurt and i hate hate women can't stand women i hate homos and queers and anybody different i hate black people i'm totally racist and prejudiced I'm from London, England, living in Los Angeles and I hate foreigners you know, I can't stand me I hate you get away from me don't come near me and with all that torment and turmoil going on inside the alcohol used to fix for me now isn't being fixed and with all that trauma and turmoil going on outside I still have to try and present to you a picture of somebody you will like because when your higher power is what people think of you if you don't like me I'm screwed and I don't know what's wrong with me I've no idea of course I do today my name's Mickey Bush I'm an alcoholic I'm in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting I know what to do I know whats wrong withme and I know wat to do about it that's a lot of shit right there and I never brought that in here with me on January the 15th 1983 didn't know nothing about nothing thinking I knew everything about everything. I was so sick, I didn't even know I was sick. And that's really sick. Do you know how sick that is? Do you Know How Sick It Is To Be So Sick That You Don't Know You're Sick? That's Really Sick. And If You're As Sick As I Was When I Got Here, So SickThat You Scan A Room Like This And You Think, Well, I Ain't As SickAs Him. Do You Know How sick that Is? Do You know How sick it is to be in a meeting full of alcoholics thinking you ain't as sick as the next guy? That's really Sick. So if you're in here today wondering whether you is or whether you isn't a real alcoholic or not, I want you to know that I can relate to being as sick as you don't think you are. Really sick. And I didn't know, I didn' t know, I had no idea. I never came here with the only requirement for membership. I never knew what was wrong with me. I never KNEW what to do about it. I don't KNOW why I do what I do. Why do I do why I DO? I don' t KNOW why i do what i do. I just do it. Always have done it. You know, i drink. You guys all know why you did it. I don''t know why i did it! I come in here and you guys are talking about you drank because you couldn't stand the pain and you were hiding behind who you was and you had all these issues. Like past the tissues, I've got issues. I think at what stage of the game do you discover that? I can't imagine that, me. I cannot imagine going in any pub I ever drank at and saying to the bartender, oh bartender hit me with a triple shot of your best booze because I can not stand who I am and I want to cover up the pain tonight. Never happened folks. Never happened. Oh, Mr. Dealer Man, give me an extra rock of crack cocaine because I really feel inadequate. Never happened, never happened. Never happened and I have no idea why I do what I do. I don't know I'm alcoholic, I don' t know nothing about nothing but you guys did and I came here and I stuck with you and I've been coming back ever since. Even after 29 years I could not tell you the last two days in a row that I didn't go to a meeting I go to lots and lots of meetings so we learned, we had to fully concede to my innermost self that I was alcoholic I'm beginning to get an idea of what it is about me that makes me alcoholic alcohol changes my perception of reality it changes me from a duck to an eagle I go out drinking as a delicate little duck have a few stiff ones and turn into an eagle and go swooping around looking for prey and it's not P-R-A-Y either alcohol changes me from a duck to an eagle and I like that I like the effect produced by alcohol I can't stand like the natch I don't like being on the nats that's why I wrote the word sober S-O-B-E-R son of a bitch everything's real when I am induced by something it's real and I hate real The doctor says men and women drink primarily because they like the effect produced by alcohol. That effect produced By alcohol is that it changes my perception of reality. He goes on to say that unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort, not ease and Comfort, the sense Of ease and Comfort from taking a couple of drinks, drinks they see other people taking with impunity, they are restless, irritable, and discontent. I know all about RID, R-I-D, restless, Irritable, And discontented. Anybody here know about Rid? yeah no shit see so you know i'm beginning to get an idea now i've got to fully concede what's the difference between admittance acceptance and surrender and fully conceded well it's fairly obvious in the big book alcoholics anonymous on page one of the beautiful book alcoholic synonymous is bill story he talks about war fever ran high in the new england town which us new young officers from from pittsburgh were assigned i fancied myself a leader who had not had 22 and a veteran of foreign wars he's talking about the world war one in europe when the yanks came over there to europe kicked the kaiser's ass and saved our bacon kaiser wilhelm was rampaging through the world going to take over the world did a very silly thing he upset you bad boys from the u.s of a and you badboys from the us of a came over there and kicked his ass that german army were defeated they admitted that defeat, they accepted that defeat and they surrendered listen to what I just said you guys came over and kicked the ass of that German army and that German Army were defeated they admitted their defeat they accepted that defeat and they surrender well guess what, I was born in the second world war 1943 Hitler, little shit pot Hitler was rampaging through Europe going to take over the world he was going to put a thousand years of third Reich holocaust and everything else did a very silly thing Hitler upset you bad boys from the US of A and you bad guys came over there to Europe and kicked his ass and saved our bacon again we're very glad you did that we thank you very much wasn't the first time you did dat you did det in 1914-18 when Bill Wilson came over kicked the Kaisers ass that German army were defeated They admitted that defeat, they accepted that defeat and they surrendered. But did they fully concede? Did they fully conceed? No, they came back and did it again. Beginning to sound familiar folks? In 1943 they came back again, a little shit pot's hill that says let's storm into Poland and Czechoslovakia and nobody said no, don't do that, don' t do that those bad boys from the US come over and kick our ass like they did in the don't-do-that They said, no, what do you do? This time it'll be different. Sounding familiar? And of course you had to come and do it. Fully concede to my innermost self. When I fully concede as opposed to admittance, acceptance and surrender because I can admit something today and deny it tomorrow. I can accept it today and refute it tomorrow I can surrender to it today and give me an Uzi and a box of ammo and come and get some of this big boy. no but when i fully concede it's a done deal when i fully conceded to my innermost self fully conceed to my innermmost self most people have no idea what their innermOST SELF is they talk about their mind my disease lays in my mind and what i do with my mind is think so there's a good chance my thinking is going to be diseased my mouth my truth i speak with a forked tongue i can't afford that i speak WITH A FORKED TONGUE i'll take an advantage any chance i get my heart oh the longest journey from your head to your heart from your heart to your head my heart's been broken many times and will be again it ain't no good in there but in my gut level honesty the core of my being where i can fully concede to where there's just me and the old man upstairs gus g-u-s guy upstairs that's what i call my old man upstairs where i can be perfectly completely truthful rigorously no looking good no argument no debate no discussion no can we make a deal it's a done deal and when i fully concede to my innermost self two things change one of them is that i ain't relying on memory incredibly short memory i hear a lot of folks now i'm never going to drink again I remember what happened last time well guess what if you're relying on memory and it changes what do you think is going to happen to a guy like me I'm never going to drink again I remember what happened the last time and I know I know what happened well if you are relying on knowledge and it changed and if you rely on memory and it fades you're screwed when we fully concede to our innermost self we ain't got to rely on two things memory and knowledge is a done deal to the to my innermost self to my gut level honesty i know what's wrong with me and those voices can't get through to me anybody relate to the voices that talk to you who relates to the voice is a torture yeah you know the voices i'm talking about them voices that just said what voices them voices you know them voices drive your bloody crazy you, them voices. Drive you crazy. Talk to you, don't they? They tell you shit. You're useless, you are. You are a useless turd. You re like a turd on a wedding cake. Useless. Your girlfriend s cheating on you. Your best friend s getting some. Ha, ha, ha. You ve got to get fired today. You r useless,you are.You re going to get fire today. Drive you crazy! You ve got to drink to get rid of the voices driving you crazy, change your perception of reality see when i fully concede it's a done deal how many times do you hear people that they go along as the disease gets worse they do less in my house a guy with 90 days came in he was fully determined going to meetings reading the book who were 90 days later the disease is fatal and progressive 90 days later the disease is 90 days worse he wants to do less it's the only disease i think that does that as the disease gets worse we want to do less that's insane you know if you had a uh you know a boo-boo or something on your leg or you got an infected leg or your mom was putting a poultice on it or something as it got worse she wouldn't put less poultice on it would she but we do as our disease gets worse we do less i see folks with 20 and 30 years go into a meeting perhaps once a year to take a cake or something want what they got they're like withered up old prunes wrinkly and like sad don't want nothing they got you know that's why we come to alcoholics anonymous to keep supple and to keep you know motivated to keep doing and to keep abreast of this fatal progressive disease my disease is 28 years worse not better people think we get better here we don't we get worse the disease gets worse but what counteracts the progression of the disease is the progression if it stays right alongside it a lot don't that's why there's a total difference between sober and sobriety People talk about sobriety. We give 30-day chips for 30 days of sobrietry. No, at best it may be 30 days sober. Ain't got no sobriery. I see people walking around here in Alcoholics Anonymous been sober a long time. Ain't Got No Sobriety? I know that from a personal experience. Every time I was released from a joint, no matter what kind of a joint it was, whether it was an insane asylum for the criminally insane, whether it is a maximum security, a minimum security, Whether it was a jitter joint Whatever kind of joint it was I was as physically sober As I stand before you right now I've been physically sober Many many times in my life Never had any sobriety I know the difference between Sober and sobriery Sobriety S-O-B-R-I-E-T-Y Staying off booze Recovery is everything to you That's what sobrietry is Sober is son of a bitch Everything's real totally different anyway, moving along I wanted to make that step before the steps I've come from a space of being an alcoholic who wants to get over it have I done the work to discover what it is about me and what it ist about alcoholism that I'm suffering from better do that work folks I want to getoverit and I'm going to ask ASK Ask Saving Kit for help H-E-L-P His Ever Loving Presence I'm gonna ask for help and that brings me to a point of something else that's not in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. People think it is, but it's not. It gives me a chuckle when they try and read into the program stuff that isn't there, but they want to believe is there. Do you know what isn't mentioned in the Program of Alcoholic Anonymous? Hitting bottom. Hitting button's not mentioned in The Program of Alcoholics Anonymous People think is because of stuff like pitiful and incomprehensibly demoralized. That's paid, P-A-I-D. But that's not what hitting bottom is all about. Being in a state of pitiful and incomprehensibly demoralization may allow you to become capable of hitting bottom, but in and of itself it's not the bottom. People think, believe, and say it is, but it's no. Hitting bottom is a totally different thing. And we say in our meetings things like everybody's bottom is different. Better not be different. There's no unity in being different. But we say shit like that in meetings. Hitting bottom is the same for all of us, not different, if we understand what it actually is. But most people don't. They think they do. Hitting Bottom. H-I-T-B-O-T T-O M. Herding inside, totally burnt out, turned to our master. When you ask most people about hitting bottom, what do they do? They tell you the consequences and the results of their untreated alcoholism. You ask them if you hit bottom, they say, yeah, you say, tell me about it. They tell you about detox, they tell you About being locked away and clean They tell You about losing everything They've lost the family, the kids, everything gone That's not what hitting bottom is People think it is but it's not That's the outside circumstances And conditions of our life At the tail end of our drinking Not hitting bottom People think It is People are amazing at what they say I just asked a couple recently About hitting bottom Nice couple, I'm very fond of them as a matter of fact and they love being clean and sober and they work hard I said you know it's absolutely essential that we hit bottom first because although Bill never wrote anything about it in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous he had more revealed to him as it's promised more will be revealed to us Bill in the 12 and 12 which I asked for but haven't got up here right now, I'd like to read it to you so that you just don't have to believe me but I can point to it in a book in the literature he says why all this insistence that every alcoholic must hit bottom first anybody know this anybody familiar with this in the first step of the 12 and 12 is that a yes yes why all these insistents that every alcoholic must hit button first if you think about that that's some ballsy shit to say to a bunch of drunks isn't it Drunks who don't like authoritative figures and being told what to do. Hit bottom on this, father mucker. But it was so important they insisted that every alcoholic must hit bottom first. That's how important. Why? Because it's the process that brings us back to the power we've abandoned to ask for help. And I didn't even know that I had abandoned the power. I didn't know that I was in the grips of a fatal progressive disease that is so powerful it had me by the short ones and just sucked me in and was so powerful that long before I got here, years before the onset of untreated alcoholism, the disease had gotten me to abandon God and spirituality so that along the path of life, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly, the disease became all-powerful in my life, dictating and dominating everything I say, do, think and feel. And in and of myself I am helpless, hopeless and powerless to resist its demands and have to do what it wants me to do which is drink anybody know what i'm talking about the disease was the power in my life be the negative power because it had gotten me to abandon the positive power god jesus put ala muhammad or any other noun you want to use whatever works for you is okay by us nobody gives a shit and here in bottom is the act of turning back to the power to ask for help usually in desperation we call it the gift of desperation god the gift of desperation i asked folks about hitting bottom i asked my friend my couple i said to the little chickadee i said have you hit bottom love she she said oh yeah mick i've hit bottom i said i'm curious tell me about it oh she said it's easy she said i was feet to the curb hustling the broadway prostituting myself so that i could earn a dollar so i could get loaded i said that wasn't your bottom love she said well i think it was i said i don't give a shit what you think i asked her dude i said have you hit bottom pal he said yes i said I'm curious tell me about it he said Mick it was easy i was locked up in a penitentiary married to Bubba i said that wasn't your bottom he said it felt like it was bad minds they got bad minds see hitting bottom is the same for all of us not different yours was the same as mine ours was the same as theirs theirs was the same as ours in the beautiful book it says alcoholics of our kind i know in our meetings we say things like everybody's bottom's different better not be different no unity and being different don't know what hitting bottom's all about i didn't but i sought i sought the answers i i latched on to the people that had gone before me i wanted to know these important things hitting bottom what was hitting bottom many many times i've been desperate enough to cry out for help but it's no good me crying out for help and asking god for his strength inspiration direction and then doing what i want to do that's nogood but hitting bottom isn't about the outside circumstances and conditions of my life we think it is but it is not and there is a danger in believing that see believing that the outside circumstances and conditions of my life is the bottom is very dangerous because as those outside circumstances, and conditions get better and improve, we falsely believe that we've gotten better and improved, and drink again. Anybody know what I'm talking about? Is that a yes? I sponsor a guy, he's a celebrity, you all know him by name. Said Mick, I don't understand. I said, I know you don't. He said, I don't understand. What's all this unmanageability? What do you mean unmanable? My life's unmanagable? I hire nine people on a management team to manage my affairs. I said, I know you do. He said well what's un manageable? I said well ain't it strange that you can't get out of bed in the morning? Ain't it strange that your on three or four different meds? Ain't its strange that you're crying in your cornflakes? Ain't is strange that your old lady hates your guts? Ain't es strange that your kids can't wait to leave home? and it's strange that you pick your puppy up and it pisses in your lap don't sound very manageable to me well I didn't think it meant that I said no, I know, don't think rely on your looks see people have weird concepts see hitting bottom is that state where we call it gift of desperation how much does it spell God G-O-D on January the 15th 1983 without knowing what was happening without knowing who I was talking to without knowing what I was saying and without knowing what the consequences of what I were saying was going to be in desperation and despair I can remember very clearly it's crystal clear to me I can remembering going help me please help me what's wrong with me what am I going to do and asked for help from outside of myself and guess what though this disease had gotten me to abandon him he hadn't abandoned me and when i turned back to him and asked for help in desperation he seemed to be looking over my shoulder and he seemed the same mick you silly bastard i've been waiting for you to ask now get yourself out of that 12-step fellowship sent me to you here was the power he provided for an alchemy like me to not have to drink today here was a power greater than myself that i could absolutely depend upon and in the beautiful book it says with this attitude you cannot fail we know what you are thinking we know how you feel here was guarantee here was 12-step spiritual fellowship this power that's in this room right here right now so powerful that it can dispel the obsession to drink we call it divine providence most people don't know what divine providences but I don't want to let this opportunity go because my troops that are here today they do know you ask them what divine providences means they'll tell you but I ask all the time what is divine providence you know what i get told mostly number one answer family feud an act of god no not an act to go divine proviance it's the only thing that can dispel the obsession for destructive drinking that has warped my mind as the book says we have walked our minds it's such an obsession for disruptive drinking that only an act of providence can remove it from us first step in the 12 and 12 first paragraph starts off by saying who cares to admit complete defeat practically no one of course and because practically no and of course cares to practically no when a course does so there's practically no in a course who has so there is practically no on a course to ask how the hell do i but if you go up and ask one of these troops that ain't ain't done the work you know how the how do i they ain't gonna say no good asking me pal i'm in the practically no one of course department they're gonna say keep coming back think think think don't drink no matter what work the steps go to meet and jerk your chain you know this disease is going to kill more alcoholics than alcoholics anonymous is going the safe. But we have a duty to perform and to carry this message, not those messages. There's no S on the end of path. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. There's now S on end of paths. Those who do not recover are those who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Usually women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves i mean men and women a little slip of the tongue there there are those two there are both two those two there look those two you see them those two then yeah anyway a bit of fun you know i uh i didn't know what hitting bottom was but it's the act of turning back to the power and asking for help. And that's the same for all of us, not different. There's no difference in that. There's nothing different for everybody. And those outside circumstances may be different for everybody, but they're not what at the bottom is. They sometimes enable us to become capable of hitting bottom. So here I am here. Me plus you is a power greater than me. You plus us is a powerful power greater. We are greater than you. Together we can do what I couldn't do alone. I couldn' t stay sober. you couldn't stay sober but together we could stay sober in the first of the 12 steps in the very first step has anybody ever noticed how it kind of contradicts itself you know it says we of alcoholics anonymous in the beautiful book we of alcoholic synonymous and then the very first step says we admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives would become unmanageable well guess what we've never done that we've never admitted that we were powerless why because we ain't powerless we ain'T powerless we have never admitted thatwewere ever since Bill met Bob we haveneverbeenpowerless people go oh well it don't mean that it means me whatever happened to just read the black parts just read the black part it says we admitted we were powerless but people like to put an interpretation when i was a me i was powerless when i wasn't me i was helpless hopeless and powerless but you guys said let go turn it over so where if you take me and flip it over what does it become we when i was a me i was helpless hopeless and powers turned it over and became a we here i have a 12-step spiritual fellowship you guys introduced me to a big book b-i-g-b-double o-k believing in god beats our old knowledge in the beautiful book was a program p-r-o-g r-a-m people relying on god relaying a message message m-e-s-s a-g e me step sponsor and god every day Sponsor, S-P-O-N-S-O‑R. Sober person offering newcomer suggestions on recovery. How? Through the steps, S‑T‑E‑P‑S. Solution to every problem, sober. Through a gift of God, G‑I‑F‑T. God is forever there. Where do you get it from, the gifts? God is for, God is wherever there. Get it from the steps. Well, what do I get from the step? Get recovery. To be sober. Sober? What's sober? S‑O‑B‑E-R. Well, why do I want to be sober? Because if you want to quit drinking and don't replace it with the steps you go crazy. You go nuts. N‑U‑T‌S. not using the steps now everybody followed that right I got so much bloody power as long as I'm staying here being a small part of this great whole I don't know what to do with it for Christ's sake become here, I said to my sponsor what shall I do with all this power he said give it away go down there to Wacky Park give it to them, don't worry they won't want it see look powerless what did powerless mean i ask people all the time what does powerless mean powerless is not what happens to me because i'm powerless powerless is the abstinence of power in the beautiful book it says there's one who has all power that one is god may you find him now well if i gotta find him it means i ain't got him and if he's the source and he's the power over everything and i'm powerless it means I'm godless in the first step powerless over alcohol means godless over alcohol not once too many a thousand and a half once i start i can't stop i can't control my drinking i have no power once i put a drink in my body of any kind no all that's all that is true if you're alcoholic but it's not what powerless is powerless is the abstinence of power it's Not Too Difficult Is It I I had this discussion with Father Martin before he passed I love Father Martin and my Father Martin anybody who knows father martin and chalk talk and stuff it's really great i spent the night with father martin just before he passed and we talked of this and many things and i laid out this thing that i got about powerlessness not being what happens to me but being the abstinence of power call it god if you like he came forward in his chair and he went that's exactly right 82 years old a genius couple of weeks later I went to listen to him talk he stole my line he said he went to God and he said God what you have all of I have none of can I have some please power to not have to drink today here it is right here right now powerless over alcohol the unmanageability is the thinking side of the two-fold disease obsession of the mind, allergy of the body powerless over alcohol is the physical side unmanageability is the thinking side I can't sit down at a desk and manage my affairs and get my bills paid and do the laundry and get the car out of the shop and take care of my child care I used to be able to do all that in a breeze now I'm a day late and a dollar short just don't seem to be able to cope, don't see me able to manage I just want to be able to mange but don't seen to be able to anymore, I used be able do and now i'm just destitute and i'm hurting the unmanageable the thinking side of the 2000 disease the powerlessness is the absence of power i don't know why we call i don'T KNOW WHY WE WALK AROUND HERE CLAIMING WE'RE POWERLESS WE GOT SO MUCH BLOODY POWER OVER ALCOHOL AS LONG AS WE STAY TOGETHER BEING A SMALL PART OF THIS GREAT HOLE IN THE THIRD STEP MADE A DECISION TURN MY WILL AND MY LIFE OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD AS I UNDERSTOOD GOD UNDERstood is a past tense word it's a past tense word because the understanding comes from one and two and you better have an understanding that makes sense to you in the beautiful book it says he can choose any concept of god he likes provided it makes sense for him page 93 provided it make sense to him condition i ask my troops give it to me give me the sense it makes to you i don't know what you mean what do you want from me what do i want from you don't make don't sound like you've got nothing don't even know how to explain the concept of god that you've got you ain't gonna understand god you've just gotta have an understanding of something there's a power greater than yourself and if you're like me an atheist and agnostic and the god shit nearly run me out of here well-meaning people at least i hope they're well-mening said let go and let god i said what he said turn it over to god i said what she'd pray to god I said screw you if I if I pray to him he'll know where I am I've been ducking God for years why would I pray to something that was going to strike me blind for playing with the old ding-a-ling for Christ's sake are you crazy oh you did that shit too huh yeah these are trifocals well you know I did it anyway when I found out how good it felt I thought well I'll risk one eye I want to pray and know God in my understanding, for Christ's sake. That was punishing, threatening, screw that. And I was bolting out of here. And some Native American brothers said, Mick, come chit-chat to us. We've got a way of putting things about the Great Spirit that might be more appealing for you. And they broadened that whole horizon for me. I never came in here with any spirituality. and you guys you know I came in here broke busted disgusted and not to be trusted today I'm a very wealthy man financially and materially but my greatest asset is that loving God you taught me about I would no sooner leave my house with no prayers no pants and no prayers for Christ's sake and I never brought made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I've understood God I have an understanding of God that you guys taught me about. Let's tell my will and my life. What is my will in my life? My will is my thinking, my life is my actions. Everything I have done, am doing and will do. Everything I wish I'd done would like to be doing and hope I'll do. Past, present and future so that I can live in the now. Everything i have done am doing them will do i'm going to put in his care for fixing and repair everything i wish i'd done we'd like to be doing and hope I'll do, which is totally different. See, everything I did and everything I wish I did was totally different, past, present and future. How can I live in the now, N-O-W, no other way because I'm new, N E W, nothing else worked. How could I live in the Now if I've got guilt, shame and remorse from yesterday? How could I live In the Now If I've Got Fear, Worry and Anxiety About Tomorrow? I can't live in The Now if i've got Guilt, Shame and Remorse From Yesterday or Fear, worry and anxiety about tomorrow i learned that here folks i learned how to live in the now by putting my faith and trust trust in the third step t-r-u-s-t try relying upon step three i have faith and truth today trust if you ask people is it do they believe in god they probably could say yes great many of us ask those same people do they have faith and trusting god you get a different result try relying upon step three relying upon it trust takes on a totally different meaning made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of god care of God as opposed to what the book says after the abcs you know that um we read out chapter five it says being convinced we were at step three which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to god as we understood him it's not what the step says being at step three we were at step three which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to god As We Understood Him it's Not What The Step Says The Steps Is Turned Our Will And Our Life Over To The Care Of God A Totally Different Thing People Who Try To Exaggerate Say Oh It'S The Same Thing It'S Just semantics. Oh, you're just playing with... Yeah. I got a white Jaguar sports car, 12-cylinder XJS. Love it. White Jaguar sport car. I live down there in Santa Monica. I'm a limey for Christ's sake. I'm limey, lush and loady. This is the way I speak. Alcohol didn't do this to me. You know? I love my 12-zylinder Jaguar. The license plate on it is AA12X12. AA 12 and 12. 12 steps, 12 traditions, 12 cylinders nothing wrong with that anonymity up the wazoo at this level but it's a limey piece of shit is what it is and it breaks down a lot and when it breaks down I'll take it back to the mechanic I got it from and put it in his care for fixing and repair but I don't give the bastard my car it's my car, I own it, I enjoy it it's mine, DMV look for me for their dues and fees for it but i put it in his care for fixing and repair i made that mistake with my life reading the book i turned my life over to god god seemed to say what are you giving it to me for i gave it to you i don't want it back i went oh i thought that's what you know because the book and the step are different you see we've got to learn these things we've Got to be consciously aware of those things look it's quarter past 12 and we've GOT TO PAY RESPECT TO THE OLD TIMERS WHO coming in here and following this this meeting my telephone numbers by the way are 818 area code are you sober 818 are you like toys or us s-o-b-e-r 818 not 800 you cheap bastards 818 818 or r818 are u clean 818 r u clean r u like toys are us c-l-e a-n completely leaving every addiction now you see and you can reach me on both those numbers i've had them for over 30 years you know and and i love to hear from you i love i love being a small part of this great hole i know some of you give me plenty of rah-rah you you pay me far more compliments than i deserve i heard people here today say i saved their life well it's all right for you to say it as long as I don't believe it. I was at my old home group the other day and a couple of well-known celebrities, celebrity actresses, Academy Award winning celebrity actressies that you'll know by name, members of the group many years, hadn't seen them in a long time, came out of the meeting and said, Hi Mick, I haven't seen you in a while. I said, Yeah, I don' t live over here anymore. I just thought I'd visit the old home groups. One of them said, You know what Mick? She said, I didn't realize what a celebrity you've become in Alcoholics Anonymous. i said what she said i'm making a movie in new york she said and then i went to two meetings in new York and in both the meetings they quoted you and mentioned you by name you're like this aa guru like this aa celebrity i said yeah bloody big deal a celebrity in an anonymous program no i said you're a celebrity i'm just a clean and sober small part of this great hole and what steps one two and three really are saying is i can't he can so let him we have a power right here right now this power is of god and from god and provided by god but it ain't god this power that we have in alcoholics anonymous to not have to drink one day at a time i liken it to the money in my pocket the money in my bucket is off the bank and from the bank are provided by the bank but it isn't the bank there's a lot more to the bank than the money-in-my-pocket and there's a lot to god than the power he provides our peace do not have to drink today but don't let the disease tell you your powerless like i hear what people walking around all day every day in alcoholics anonymous say powerless powerless i'm so powerless and powerless over everything powerless over people places and things poor little powerless powerless powerless powerless why do we do that that is so alcoholic in the beautiful book power is mentioned 66 times powerless is mentioned once in the program of alcohol in the first step of the program once powerless is mentioned 66 times powers mentioned new power has flowed in we have recovered and been given the power to help the next guy praying only for knowledge of his will for me and the power power power and yet we're going powerless we're so powerless if you work like i do with the troops and and in this in the trenches that is so alcoholic You know, you get a guy, new guy, if 66 people told him, don't do that, but there's one guy over here who seems to be getting away with it, who does he take note of? No shit. 66 times powerless is mentioned. Once powerless is mention, we'll go, powerless, powerless. In one of my houses down in San Fernando Valley, I've got two parrots, a blue one and a green one. Bill and Bob is their name. and I've trained them to speak and you can stand by the cage and they'll screech out at you powerless, powerless alcoholic, alcoholic they're bloody parrots is what they are but they could say they were alcoholic and powerless I didn't want to be a parrot walking around here flapping my god damn lips talking jive out the side of my neck about stuff I didn's even know because I hadn't done the work to discover what the truth was and I couldn't discover it from those folks out there I had to come in here and discover it from the folks in here that were leaving footprints for me to follow my own mum didn't understand me as much as you folks who'd never seen me before and might not see me again you know me better than my own mom every year I go up to London, England see my mum twice a year sometimes first thing I do I go around my mum's house I knock her up and I tell her mum, I'm 29 years sober she says so is the cat She doesn't give me no pat on the back We're not doing something I shouldn't have done anyway She said, I'm busy, I'll go on a bingo But guess what folks She knows the benefit of me being A member of Alcoholics Anonymous My mum just passed this year She passed with a smile on her face She went to meet her maker I wasn't there but my three sisters were they told me she had a big smile on her face she came to she came too they said what are you smiling at mum do you know what she said she said Mickey's doing good in America how does that happen how does a guy like me come out of a nut world get to put a smile on an old lady's face as she goes to meet her mate happens right here Right here. You know, before she passed, she said, you'll have to send me some more CDs, Mick, she said. All the old girls down the club want to know how you're doing. She said, I brag about you all the time, she said. They all say to me, Mick, uh, Mary, tell us about Mickey in America. How's Mickey in America, Mary? And her chest would go out. And she would tell them. Her friends and neighbors never used to say that. Her friends and neighbors used to say, are they going to let your Mickey out of the nut ward for Christmas this year Mary? And she would hurt and she would cry because she loved me. Why do I keep coming back? Why am I not going nowhere? I wouldn't go nowhere without being in touch with Alcoholics and Honours. I love being an active member of Alcoholics & Honours, I love you, I love the laughter we share, they say if you're laughing you're relating, and if you are relating to a sick bastard like me, there ain't no doubt about you pal, I'll tell you that. But don't get through no well people. I ain't going nowhere, I'm staying right here with you, and we have to leave. I could go on for hours, but namaste. Thank you for your attention. Shall we join hands in the normal way?