Why the Answer to Step 7 Is Action – Tom I.

Thank you very much. My God, I'm starting to walk like a roop. It's a sign you've been here a long time. Where did the roop go? Oh, there he is. You're beautiful. We used to be sober about the same length of time, but it keeps growing. Mine just sort of stays static. I'm delighted to be back in Georgia and particularly to this event. I'm Tom, an alcoholic. I'm a member of the Primary Purpose Group in Southern Pines, North Carolina. Sobriety Days, February 2nd of 57. And it struck me that the singer, good job on the music, And the singer was talking about me speaking at her first meeting back at the First World War sometime. And it seemed like the longer I stayed here, the older I get. And you just can't escape it. A guy came into our group, and I thought he was about my age. You know, he looked like a Social Security type. And we eyed each other for a little while, and he said, My God, you sponsored my father. I said, shut up, boy. Don't be telling that junk around here. But it just sort of goes with the territory, I guess. Well, I want to do what I was asked to do. Somebody heard I was a drinker. Got a whole case of water up here. And that is to talk about the six and seven. But you got to do some introduction first, though, you know, like I got to redo all of the first five. No, but I just skipped because it does sort of come together a little bit. You know, I was a guy that I came into AA when I was 24, and I truly didn't believe I was alcoholic. I really didn't. In fact, I didn't even, when I first heard alcoholism referred to as an illness, I reacted about like most of the world did back then. I said, no, good God, what's an illness about that? I thought that was the most wimpy cop-out I'd ever heard in my life. It's an illness about getting drunk and tearing up places. It just didn't set well, and I really didn't believe I was alcoholic. You know, I knew that I'd drunk a lot. I knew I'd gone to jail a lot, I'd done a lot of things that alcoholics do, but when they started talking about an illness, what on earth is an illness about that? And so I just kind of rejected it for a while, and I sort of made a social identification. I think the one thing that kept me in AA was that I heard people say repeatedly that when they drank, they got in trouble. I thought, well, if that's what it is, good God, I've had that all my life, man. I've been in trouble all my wife and never sober. Never have been put in jail sober. That must be an interesting experience. I have never had that. I was always drunk and something. And so it was just sort of a thing. And one of the things that kept me coming back to AA was I would hear speakers say that when I drank, I got in trouble. I said, well, good God, that's me. And that's what kept me in AA, literally nothing more. And I was also a guy who prepared for a spiritual program. Now my dad was a Georgia boy. He wandered some, but he was a Georgian boy. And I don't think that doesn't make him a bad person. But he was a pretty lousy father, though, I'll tell you that. And so I'd�yeah, I was a guy that grew up in a rather chaotic thing. A lot of people say to come from a good Christian home. Well, we might have been a good Christians home, but it didn't look like it to me. It looked like an inner sanctum of some sort. And I want to tell you a little bit about that because it kind of springs me off to where I want ago. My mother, when she married my dad, she must not have auditioned him very long because it was a bad mistake. He was a good guy, I think, but I never did get to know him. He deserted the family, including me, when I was either two or four. I can't remember that far back, but either two years old. And he left. And I remember the day he left that I was sitting in the ground. We didn't have any grass. Sitting on the ground, I watched him walk off, knew he wouldn't be back. Don't know why, but I just knew had a premonition he wouldn'T be back and that's as a child. Never did come back and I never knew him. And so I grew up in a way that I was there's a little bit of a warped development when you don't have a male role model in there. I grewup in a family of women. That's not a bad deal because I like women very much. I never have seen a pretty man. I like women. No, no. We had a volunteer. Here's one. Uh-uh, no. But I grew up in that. It was kind of a warped deal. And after my dad left, my mother, she liked men apparently, and she married several of them. And the first one she brought home after dad left � and many of you have heard me tell this because it just had an indelible impression on me � She brought back a little old runt of a dude that, I mean, he couldn't help being short. But he could have been better looking. He was just a short little plug-ugly dude. And his manner and demeanor were just as bad as he looked. And I grew up with that little old stump of a yo-yo. And I flat didn't like him. And I meant to hurt him bad if I ever got big enough. Then I got big Enough, I was too big. I mean, you can't whoop a dwarf, for God's sake. But anyway, that's where I grew up. And it was a lot of chaos and confusion. And the reason I wanted to visit this just a little bit is because I think it has a whole lot of this thing that leads up to 6th and 7th. Because if you don't understand the problem in some depth, you're not going to be too motivated to deal with it. And so I fully understood it. I was a guy that was in a heap of trouble So, and I was just somebody that just did not fit well in life. And so when I found booze that did a great deal for me, I'd have been stupid to not drink. I mean, that stuff was wonderful. Better than any therapy I ever had in my life. It really, really worked. And so I just took to it. I think I developed alcoholism when I was about 16 years old. And I won't get into all of the causation, all the stuff involved in it, but at 16, I developed alcoholicism. Now, I'm somebody that has a pretty pure kind of definition of alcoholism that I think our book gives the finest definition that I've ever seen about alcoholism. I've read thousands of them, but it simply says in our book that we alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control their drink. It's simple as that. Simple as that, and it's right straight forward, and that's the thing that finally made sense to me. And so it happened then. I got booted out of the military when I was 20 years old for alcoholism and proceeded to just develop a career that was better forgotten. And I used to think I went to jail a lot. Well, I did by my standard, but by normal social standards I didn't go that much. I was down in New Orleans one time and some judge captured me wanted me to go see what he was doing with drunks in his courthouse took me over to the jail when I went in there was a guy walked over to me that introduced himself one of the prisoners introduced himself and I said well how do you do glad to meet you spoke to the group then after the same guy came up to me and he said do you know me I said, well, sure. I just met you at the front of the meeting. He said, no, no. I don't mean that. Do you know who I am? I said well, no I don' t know who you are. And he kind of drew himself up with pride. I guess he had to have some be proud of it. He said I happen to be the most arrested man in the United States of America. And I was just kind of dumbfounded. I said Well, congratulations. I guess everybody's got to have something to be proud of, and he did. But that was me. I was on this trail, but I had never made it. I never did. And then, yeah, I wound up, as many of you know, I woundup being one of those people who experienced what many, many alcoholics experience, and that's caused a great tragedy in the lives of other people. In a drunken blackout, I hit and killed two people trying to cross the street. And thank God it doesn't happen too often. It happens daily in this state right here, I guarantee you. And so it's not unheard of, but it's an unthinkable act. And after that happened with me, I mean, I just flat gave in to drinking and intended to drink myself to death and darn near did. And then I was put on trial and I was going through Charles, which is sort of a meeting ground. I went into a prenatal injury. Stayed in there three and a half years, and the course of it, that's where I got introduced to AA. And thank God what I got introduce in was an excellent group of Alcoholics Anonymous. It wasn't a meeting. It wasn' t a gab session. It wasn'' t just sort of see if you can identify is your problem worse than mine. It was a good, solid, three-legacy group of Alcoholic Anonymous, and I'm a strong believer in that. I'm not a casual meeting guy. I'm a guy who believes that Alcoholics Anonymous is a purposeful program and a good, strong three-legacy group is the heart and soul of it. So fortunately, I was into that, and then when my time wasn't up, but I was paroled back on condition. I was in the state of Michigan. They parolged me on condition I go to the state Of North Carolina. I said, you better deal somewhere. He said, no, not really. Don't stay in Michigan. So I conceded and said, okay, I'll go. And then started an unbelievable career in terms of my recovery. And I had good, sound, solid recovery when I left that institution. That's the product of a good three-legacy group, that I was well prepared. So when I hit the street, I had the experience of starting Alcoholics Anonymous in a city. I just left an institution. And rather than having a caretaker, I was like the guy at the end of the program part of the book where it says you find yourself in a place that you can't find what you're looking for, create what you crave. And thank God I had enough preparation. I was ready to do it. Had a marvelous time that we could spend a half day talking about. But that's a magnificent feeling, to watch Alcoholics Anonymous come alive and grow and know that you're a part of it. Wonderful, wonderful deal. When I left that town two years later, I had 60 members in that group. And so, God, that's as hard and fast as I can talk. Y'all won't be offended if I take my coat off. If you are, I'm sorry. Man, it's hot in Georgia. So anyway, when I was in the group getting prepared there That thing of alcoholism was a real barrier And it was a really impediment for a long time I never really, really bought deep down inside that I'm alcoholic It wasn't until I did the four-step It wasn'Til I did inventory That that really came home And I understood that I had this in big time And so I was a guy who was not well-equipped to get into a program of recovery. Yeah, I mentioned that development over there in South Carolina just next to the Georgia line where my folks, I never did get really introduced to solid, sane, sensible religion ever until I was an adult. that back then there was some people that made the rounds of cotton farmers and they'd come in and they put up a big tent and about a thousand chairs, fill them up and then try a whole bunch of buckets they tried to fill up as well. And so I got introduced to that and that didn't look overly righteous to me before I even knew what righteous was. And soI wasn't too enthralled with that whole idea. I couldn't understand the behavior of the people. I mean, you're sitting in there and all it wants to be is leaping up, jumping and yelling and stuff. Well, that was scary to me. That was not something that looked inviting and, you know, try this. It looked to me like get out of here, and I did. And I'd made up my mind, andI was just a child, but I made upmy mind before I started school that I would quit that the minute I ever got able. And as soon as I was able to break away from my mother's hand, I never went into a church until I was sober 11 years in Alcoholics Anonymous. Now, I did go once in a great while. I had a good buddy up someplace I stationed who was a Mexican boy and man. He was a bad drunk, but he was an even better Catholic. Now, being Catholic is hard work. I've never been one, but I've worked with some and sponsored some priests. This is difficult stuff with that church. And this boy insisted he had to go to certain high holidays that they have and shake the smoke pot and everything. Well, they stand up and sit down a lot. And so now I'm drunk, and I've got a drunk Mexican under my arm. And every time he'd sit down, I got to lift, put him down, lift him up. God, I should have been the Catholic. But anyway, that was my only introduction to that. So organized religion and I partied company big time. And now that is, I'll give you that just to say that it's one thing to understand the illness. Another thing is to understand what it means to be a Christian. It's one of the barriers to doing something with it. And, you know, when I look behind me, all I saw was wreckage in the past. A family that absolutely mistreated. You know, I had an occasion trying to drink somebody else's water. I was living, to show you how drunk I was, I was leaving Detroit and stayed. And I'm a home group guy, as you might have got it from the introduction. I was always a home bar guy too. And I had a home barn there. It's good to have a home barr because they'll take care of you instead of calling the police. And so if you get in the way, they just slide you under a table or something. And so I was like, if I had phone calls, they would call my home barr. So I got a phone call from, at the bar. I went in and said, Tom, you've got an emergency. What in the world? He said, well, it looks like your sister's dying of cancer in North Carolina. And I said, Well, you know how drunk he is. You're going to rise to heroic proportions when it's called. I said I've got to go. I'm going. I went to the airport, and they said you're too drunk to get on. And I says, Listen, my sister's died, and I'm getting on. So I'm out there scuffling with security, and they finally throw the fool in there. So they did, threw the fool In. And I was drunker when I got there than I was when I Got on the plane. Now, I'm going to see a sister that's terminal with cancer, eh? That's what my mission is. Went into the hospital, and I was too drunk to be there, too. They physically threw me out of the hospital. Threw me out. And now, that's the legacy, eh?" That's the legacy. That's a legacy of the family. That's to legacy of my relationship with that. That's legacy of guilt and shame, remorse. It was there, buried so deep you couldn't see it, but it was very much there. And those things can tend to be barriers. They could really tend to being barriers. And so, you know, when I got into the thing and we started getting to men's stuff, my reaction was not unusual. I said, well, at least I never hurt my family. I had the decency to be gone. And my family most of my life up until AA never knew whether I was dead or alive or what country I was in. They had no clue and no way of finding it except through the home bar. And so that's a, you say there's no harm done. Hey, I'm gone. How much more harm could you do to a mother than the robber of her only son? Took a while to understand that. But that was a part of the legacy. A part of getting through the steps and getting into a point where I could start thinking about living again. And so it was a slow clock, slow climb. I truly was somebody who was turned off with religion big time and meant never to get involved in it again. And the strangest thing here, our program is a spiritual program. And I started to develop a sense, thank God for the way our program has written. Thank God for that. Thank God For That Second Step. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Not now, not jump up and down and go down the aisle, but we come to believe that a powerful power greater that ourselves could restore us into sanity. I think of all of our founder-type people that I'm grateful for all of them, but one in particular was a guy named Tom Burwell. And Burwell was the guy that introduced the idea of God as we understand Him. because apparently, just like so often, wars break out over religion. And the folks about to kill each other over the book, and the Pope spoke up and said, why don't we refer to God as we understand him? If it hadn't been for that simple phrase, I would not be here today. Would not. I would have never become a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. So I'm deeply grateful for that. And then, so it was a fleeting, sort of a furtive kind of a way of trying to grab hold of the spiritual life. I remember that when I first started to feel a belief, you know, I mean, I'd listen to all the stuff and I'd look at the pictures and statues and all that stuff. It never meant a thing to me in terms of any connection or any belief that was going to be useful for me. And when I started to, it goes right back to that thing of God as we understand Him. The first power that I ever believed in in my life, the first higher power was what I felt in the meeting room of Alcoholics Anonymous in a maximum custody penitentiary. Now certainly it wasn't the aura of the good social life. It wasn't that at all. But I started to sense a power that existed in that group that was palatable to me. I could feel that, and I could believe whatever that was. That was the first power I ever prayed to in my entire life, first time. And I found out that that is good enough. If I could start where I am, that's where I've got to start. I can't start whereI ought to be. I've Got to start wherei am. And that was the beginning for me. When I got into trying to pray, I didn't know how. So I'd wind up playing for everything. I'd pray for crops in India and for the monsoons or whatever. I'd play big time. But I was learning to pray. I had to learn. I was a crude kind of a character coming. Though thankful about that kind of an approach. I know when I first started praying, I would pray with one eye open. You know, I closed because I said be praying, but not right now, you know. You're praying for this, but don't hit me with it just yet. I'm not quite ready. I've got to brace myself. And so it was a sneak approach. And then so when I got inventory and truly had a defining experience with that inventory, When I got through with that inventory, Ralph did a great job of that thing this morning. He always does. Anyway, he wasn't even my buddy. But when I got Through with that Inventory, I was a different guy. I mean, nothing had changed. I was still the same person, same place, but I was A different guy in that for the first Time in my life, I had full understanding Of who I was. I had Full understanding of what I was about. I understood where My difficulties were. I knew without any question, if I wasn't an alcoholic, I was sure something worse. And so it was a defining moment for me. And so gradually, you see sort of where that's leading for me, we're getting away from that kind of ragged beginning and just starting to stabilize. And that was a hugely important thing. And when I did the fifth step, I didn't want to do the fifth steps. I had to. I mean, I had so much on my plate that I had to get it out somehow or other. And I didn't want to. Among the things that I accrued in my growing up process was an extreme sense of isolation. Until I got sober in AA, there was not one human on this earth who knew me. I mean a lot of people knew my name and they knew how I acted. But there wasn't a human on this earth who knew me deep down where I lived, not one. And so when I started to do that fifth step, I'm thinking, who on earth can I get? Sometimes people make it sound like you need the pristine chapel to do a step, but not necessarily so. And as what happened, I was just absolutely overwhelmed with the notion that I needed to do the step. there was one guy in the group he locked up just like me but there was one guy in the group that I really trusted he was a really fine fine guy really good member of AA probably one of the wisest counselors ever and he wasn't a counselor he was the guy that robbed country stores you know and not very good at that either but he he was celebrating the same way I was and but he was my guy he wasn�t a sponsor He was a good friend. That's valuable in AA too, anywhere. And so he was. And so when I finally got ready to do that step, we didn't find the pristine chapel. We went out. Some people say you've got to be very careful about this. You don't have to be too careful. In the institution I was in, there were 6,300 people locked up behind one wall. And he and I scouted where to go. we found what used to be a park bench in its better days, but it was just a shaggly old thing sitting out there. And we sat down on the yard of a maximum custody penitentiary with all those guys wandering around, and I opened up for the first time in my entire life to another human being. Tremendous experience because the walls came down. I mean, those walls flat came down, That was the first crack in the walls when I started to open up and let another human being take a look at who I was as a human. And that was a really, really transforming place in the program for me to start getting out of that thing. And by then, I was ready to deal with what I'm supposed to be talking about here. And that's a lot of introduction, but I think that's extremely important for a guy like me. Because if I'd had to do this, if six and seven had been one and two, I'd have probably quit. That was way beyond my job description. And so when I started trying to deal with six, you know, I'm just finished with the timing is critical and how the steps play out, you know with the inventory then the sharing with another human and then the thing of looking at the sixth step. Interesting that the sixth and seventh are the shortest steps in the program There's at least written in the book about them. But they are enormously important steps. And what 6 says is that I'm entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Well, I wasn't sure about that. I mean, obviously I don't know your story, well, some of you I do, but nobody, I don' t think anybody wants to just jump into that. And so I knew that I wanted to stay sober. I knew I wanted it to get better, but not too good. And I thought, get rid of all of my defects of character. Man, if I get rid off all my defects, I've got no personality. I mean, who am I? I'm just a nothing. And I was really, really troubled about that. I wanted the gift of God. I wanted what would get good, but nichto good. And that sounded like too good to me. And so that was a bit of a hurdle. And what I did, I just had to get that into language I could handle. I wanted to change. I wanted it to be a decent human being. I wasn't sure if I wanted getting rid of every defect, but God knows I wanted something better than what I had. And so I truly, truly did want to change it. But I wanted to be a different kind of a person, and so I wanted to do that. I didn't want to become a Casper Milk Toast, but I wanted to at least be a decent human being for the first time. And so I finally did do that step. And it wasn't so much about her defects of character. It was about that I wanted to be different. I wanted to be a different guy. And I knew as long as I'm carrying my baggage, I'm not going to be a different guy. And so I finally got through. And then the seventh, humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings. Now, I'm just at a tenuous level in terms of a deep spiritual commitment. You know, I am a spiritual student and just try to get a hold of it. Then humbly asking Him to move our short comings. What that means to me, now I have to break stuff down so that it's simple enough for me to understand. The first place I ever related to was the reference in the Bible that sounds very much like that, where it talks about sins of omission and sins of commission. And the minute I thought of it like that that explained to me exactly what the step's about. It's about the things I did to people and the things that I didn't do. Sins of omissions. And once I got it clear like that it started to have a lot more meaning and relevance. You know, like going back to that thing of going to see my sister By the way, she was not dying of cancer, but I thought she was. But just like that, that was a well-intended thing, but it was a sin of omission in that I failed to follow up on something I wanted to do that was very important to do. And so those are the kind of things that will just eat your lunch forever. And so that's what it meant to me was that I'm at a place where I either want to change or I don't. And I truly did. I was sick and tired of who I was, what I was about. And I, honest to God, wanted something different. Now, I didn't want to get holy and all that kind of thing, but I truly wanted something different. And then what I learned is that the�I won't fast time in Georgia. What I learned, at least in my breakdown of it, the answer to seven is go to eight and nine. If you want to change, go to eighth and ninth. That's it. Take the action. And it was an interesting thing to try to start thinking of actually making amends to people And God knows I needed to, needed to. But to be ready and to be willing and then to have God remove these things, I have to take the actions to make something happen. And so I learned that magical thing about 8 and 9 that that's where the freedom lies. And so when I took off with that, you know, I thought I owed amends to the whole world just for being there. And so I wanted to make amends to everybody that breathed. And then when I got realistic about it, yeah, I wrote that list of people, places that I needed to make amends, and I had a humongous number of people on there. And then reality set in, and as I thought it through and prayed over it, what I saw was that the list didn't grow. It shrunk because you're getting punched out in a bar does not call for amends I mean I apologize for my part of it but somebody breaking my nose I don't need to do amends but in my frame of mind I wanted to apologize for breathing so it was a matter of getting realistic about that that I did a lot of damage I would have probably hurt more people but they wouldn't let me and they escaped it but there was enough there was genug there to keep busy and the thing that was what got me through that critical kind of stage of it. And the thing that to me when, this is Tom I you won't find it in a book or anything like that but you may find it allude to it somewhere but you won' t find it anywhere so it's one thing to take care of the critical things take that, yeah I've got a guy that I sponsor dying of brain cancer as we speak, I've been on the phone with him this morning. And first thing he said when he calls, he says it's no longer weeks, it's hours. And so being able to deal with that and to be helpful to him is an enormously important thing. And and so when I started looking at how to how to get through that, do the immense stuff and how to Get rid of those things that that when I asked God to do it, what's the answer? And the answer is to get in tune with me. Now what I do this morning, I did it right here in Georgia, but I have, I'm no stranger to Georgia. I mean many people have heard this and I'm going to say it forever because it's absolutely vital to me. I have a little pond out behind my house and I am a water freak. I don't want to get into it, but i just admire it. Well sometimes I want to get it. I was out in Montana and I had a guy, I don't know why it was me, but the people sick ex-cons on me. And somebody sick, some guy sicked a guy on me and he was a mule head if I've ever seen one, man. We tried talking and finally we were in the mountains of Montana and there was a beautiful glacier river coming right down that day. Well, I couldn't find any place where there was privacy. So I said, are you brave? He said, you're doggone right I'm brave, man. I said, all right, come on. So we got out in the middle of the raging river and sat on rocks. I said now talk all you want to. We got to do what you got to. I like water. And my wife is from Saskatchewan. You've been there. You didn't stay, did you? that is the most forlorn place you've ever seen you mentioned water they don't know what you're talking about we rained here one time but anyway that's where my wife was from so I told her I wanted to put a pond behind our house not a huge thing but just a little bit and she said I don't want a pond in that thing I'll fall in I said well don't worry about it alcoholics may get sober but they don't quit being a little bit tricky in how they do. But I think it's all right if it has a spiritual motive. I gave her a pond for her 33rd wedding anniversary. She said, good try, big guy. But I even let her feed the fish once in a while. Not often, but pray she'll poison them. But anyway, I can't always get out to those or something, but I get there and put a little waterfall in that thing. That's where I do my daily kickoff. That's what I do with my baby. The dog and I go out, and we'll do our little thing, drink coffee, and he doesn't drink any, but we sit there. And what I'd do, a very simple thing, and to me this is what Step 7 is about. It's not about waiting for some manna from on high. It's about taking the spiritual actions that are laid out. And so what I do when I go out there every morning is, and did it here this morning, it's a beautiful lake out there, eh? A beautiful lake. And so I was sitting there looking out the window this morning and did a... And what I'd do, I'd doing three things. And one, first thing, I remind myself of who I am. You know, I'm not some hotshot from North Carolina down here showing off or something like that. Nuh-uh. No, that's not who I am. I want to know who I Am in depth. I'm a guy who by any measure ought to be dead. I mean, there's absolutely no way around it. You heard our buddy last night talking about the mortality rate of alcoholics, and it's exactly right. Over 90% of alcoholics in this world die of alcoholism never even knowing there's a way out. Never mind finding it, you know, even knowing it. And here we've got it readily available. So I remind myself of who I am. I'm a guy who by any measure ought to be dead, but instead, my God, man, I'm living a life that I could not have imagined, drunk or sober. And so I think about that and how fortunate that I've been given this gift. I can't explain why, but I've being given the gift. Well, I'm grateful for that. And so what I'm doing is not morbid reflection. It's getting in tune with the reality of who is Tom I. And I'm a guy who can return to that hopeless state with one drink. That's who I am. And so I'm a deeply grateful person for what I've been given. And then the second thing I do, and it's part of that seven, how do I make the changes? How does this come about? How do I Make Right? Well, obviously I can't go back and undo everything. But the second things I do is I think about how grateful I am. I was literally given recovery. Now back then, AA was not well known when I first came in. Bill, well, Bill's got more gray hair than me, but he's younger than me. Never lets me forget it either. I think about that and how grateful I am for what I've been given. I never asked for it. I never knew it existed. Somebody said, hey guy, you ought to go to this. I went and I've never looked back. I'm grateful for that. And if I'm so grateful, my God, the least I can do is show it, not keep it to myself. And so that at a minimum is what I want to do, that deep down express that gratitude. When I come up out of that and go out into this world, I don't make any great say, and I don' t violate traditions as much maybe fudge a little but I'm about as anonymous as a train wreck and so I live in a small town most everybody knows everybody and everybody knows me I figure if I'm going to be loose enough to let people know them in AA. The least I can do is look like it's worthwhile. I don't want to be some clown walking around with frowning and swearing every other word, you know, just to show how grateful I am in the life I've been given. No, good God. The last thing I can say is, I'm not going to be the least Ican do if I'm grateful is act like it. Show it. Idon't wantto be somebody that just absolutely bores and grates on people. Iwant to be somebodythat adds some joy to life and not just put a burden on people. It's just what I do. I want at least that, to express that gratitude by the way I wear it. And if I'm not a good example of AA, I need my butt kicked. And so that's a simple thing. Just to be a decent guy, to be somebody that could make AA look like an attractive thing And so I attract people rather than repel them. And then the third thing I do, you know, I'm a strong service person. I'm an important person. I'm not a strong traditions person. And I'm somebody who believes that just studying and becoming brilliant about the steps is not enough. It's about how I use it in my life. Do I live what I'm talking about? And that to me is a real criteria of what, not so much what I know, but what I do. And so the third thing I do, and all of this is out there at that little pond, the third things I do is ask my higher power to make me sensitive to opportunities to be of service. That's all. No prescription. Make me sensitive for opportunities to being of service And I'll tell you something, if you get tempted to try that, be sure you mean it. Because I guarantee you, you'll get more opportunities than you could possibly imagine if you're just open to it. If I'm not open to It, I'll walk right past It and not even see It. I'm closed off. But if I'm open to I, it's amazing what happens. It's truly amazing. How are we doing? Who's the timekeeper? How many? Yeah. Good. Well, I didn't want to quit quick, man. I've got to fly back with Charles. But anyway, when I go out with that frame of mind, my God, I just see stuff. Now, I fly a lot. There's a lot more than I ever intended to, I'll tell you that. And I get a lot of opportunities to be of service. Yeah, particularly in the last few years, but, well, most of you are aware of this, I'm sure. But flying isn't quite the quality experience it used to be. There's a little difference. And now everything's packed and it's a fight. I was always, Delta's, well... No, no, take that back. Not Delta, just Big D. It's probably one of the worst for trying to get baggage on board. I mean, I've seen near riots on the planes over space for putting a bag, for God's sake. You don't want to check it because it will wind up in China. That's like Jack was talking about. Or Ralph was talking before going to China. And so it's a real bear. Now, I'm pretty good with baggage. Well, I haven't been doing it long. I ought to be good or quit. And I can get bags up there when it looks like there's no way. So I just, I don't care who it is. I'll just help them with the thing, whether they want it or not. And I got on a plane a while back, and there was an old short woman that got on. Wasn't as short as my stepfather, but she was pretty vertically impaired, though. I'll put it that way. And she got a bag, and she couldn't have got it in that thing up there with a ladder. I mean, there's no way she could do it. So I just went over to her, and I said, let me help you with that bag. And she said, no, and turned around. I said give me the bag for God's sakes. And she says, no. Well, I just mugged her. I just took the bag and put it in the bag of the deal up there. And she said, I appreciate that. She said, you're from the South, aren't you? And I said, well, yeah, but why do you say that? She said?Well, I'm from New York, and we don't do that in New York. And I says?Yes, you do. The only difference in New Europe, they keep the bag, you know. She says, you sure right about that? But see, now that's a no-brainer, isn't it? That's a know-brain. My God, that's just a human act of kindness or something. But don't you know she had a better day? Guess who else did? That's what it's about. It's not sacrifice for God's sakes. It's just a matter of being sensitive, being a part of the race, joining in, not being isolated and all glued tight down. So to me, this is what Seven Steps is about. It's about how do you remove them? You do the amends process, and then you put action into this. And then it's amazing how quickly those things go away or at least go into remission. And so, I mean, my God, I could go all day. In fact, I probably will. But it's amazing the kinds of things that happen. And I'm just going to tell you two or three of them anyway. That it doesn't matter where you are. The strange thing is you can't give away more than you get Because every time I've ever done anything for somebody, you know, like just trying to be of service, I get back more than I give. Now, they don't hand me anything usually. Sometimes do. I went, I know when I was working for a living, I'm unemployed now. But the, now I'm on a fixed income, but frankly it's fixed pretty good. So I'm not hurt. But when I was working, I worked in the complex downtown, and I either go out for a two-hour pig out. God, I thought he was volunteering for something, but he's sticking his helmet there. Yes, sir, did you have a question? No, he's trying to get that helmet off his head. But it was either pig out or nothing. I just worked too long. And so one day I went over. There's a little snack bar in the building next door, and I went over there, and a little gal was taking care of the serving at the line, and she would tell me, good God, I don't need to describe it. You've seen it a thousand times. She's just one of those people who'd been beat up pretty badly by life. That was obvious. Not only life, but some of the people she hung out with. She was a pretty marked-up little gal. Not a happy person. You could tell that. So I just went in, and And she said, can I help you? And I said, well, I just sort of not goosed her about it. Just kind of messed with her a little bit. And she started, she smiled. She didn't have many teeth, but she smiled anyway. And she says, well what do you want? I said I'd like a tuna sandwich. Well, I like tuna. It's a good thing. Because man, that gal gave me a tuna salad. They were about swimming off the plate. And I didn't want that much. But what are you going to do? and say, keep your tuna? No, go eat this stuff. So I took it, went back, and it was all right. That's just a nice deal, eh? She felt a little better. I did. I could have fed the old restaurant on that sandwich. And about six months later, I went back over there. Now, I wanted a ham sandwich. Now you get your mind on something, you just want a ham sandwiches. Well, I came in, and she was there. And then as she saw me grab the door, she started smiling. And she reached for that big thing. I said, uh-oh, I'm going to eat tuna. I can tell that. And good God, did she, she just loaded it up, man, I mean, flat. Now what are you going to do? Say, I don't want tuna? No, I hate the stupid tuna. But think about that. Yeah, I am giving a kind word, just a little goose to somebody and They ought to overfeed me atrociously. It's amazing how people react to that. In Oregon, my wife went with me somewhere, which is rare, but she did. And we rented a car. We had a car ready at the airport. And I asked her for a Yugo. I wanted something real cheap. And I went in and said, she didn't have a Yogo. I said, well, darn, I wanted something real cheap. And so she muttered around a little while and then she said, would you be willing to try out a new car that we've got in our line? I said oh my God, people always want me to just take suicide runs. I said well, I'll do it if it will help you. Well what she wanted me to try was the second most expensive thing in the entire corporation. And I said, do I have to go through with that? She said, just do it for me. I said yeah, okay, good. Well, now I wasn't trying to con that girl. Now she was just somebody who had been beating on that counter all day. I was just trying to give her a little juice, you know, let her enjoy a little piece of her day. And so just it's amazing. It's amazing the kind of stuff that happens. At least two more. The one, and a lot of my stuff is about flying because it's where I live a lot. I was flying somewhere, and there was a young fellow sitting beside me who was, I mean, he wasn't being nosy, but he had a death grip on those handles. I mean you could see. He talked about white knuckle. He was pure white knuckle. And, well, I had to make a decision. I could either let him have privacy so he wouldn't be embarrassed, or I could be rude, and I decided to be rude. And I said, it's tough, ain't it? And he said, man, he just came unwound. He said, mister, you don't know how tough it is. He said I fly, I have to fly. I'm a sailor. I cover the entire country. I have no option. I have? fly or else quit my job. And I asked him, what is it? And he says, I'm terrified. Every time we take off for land, I am totally terrified. and I said just like I mentioned earlier you can be a little devious if it has a spiritual motive and so he said that I said you know I had that problem but you'd have thought I said I got a cure for cancer and he said what is it and I didn't tell him that I'd only had that experience for about 10 seconds one time And well, I was telling the truth. It was just a sliver of truth. But he grabbed on. He said, what did you do about it? And I said, well, I belong to a program and we have a little prayer we call serenity prayer. And I use that and it works. He said what's the prayer? And so I said the serenety prayer for him. And he said, wait a minute. Now, every single one got a pad in his pocket. And so he reached up. I got that pad out. He said, say that again. Now he wrote down the serenity prayer. Did it do any good? Who knows for God's sakes. Did it doing any harm? Not on your life. He and I both had a better day. I hope he had some better flights. But at least he's got a little piece of a solution in his hand. A simple little thing like that. And that thing, when you're talking about having these faults removed, I think two things remove them. One is that process of amends that goes in with 8 and 9. The other thing is with 10, 11, and 12, which for my money are 100% action steps with a spiritual base. They're action steps. They're not study your navel steps. And so that's what that is. Now, I was on one boy that was going to somewhere. Fargo, North Dakota is where I was going in February. That is not � they couldn't find another speaker in America that would go. And they said, call that clown. He'll come. So I'm on the plane, and I got on. I was late. Getting on, somehow they jiggled around. and I got on the plane and I had the middle seat I just cherished that and there was a little gal sitting by the window and we started to visit a little bit like you do just how to do stuff and she said where are you going to Fargo for it she said well I'm going to interview for a job as a librarian in Fargo, North Dakota I said well you must really need a job if you're going to far go north and she says I do And so we're just talking about that, you know, just having a good time. And then just before takeoff time, I looked up and there was a frantic-looking red-haired woman coming down the aisle. And I said, uh-oh, I bet that's mine. She is going to be mine. And sure enough, here she came sitting down right beside me. And I'm in the middle between these two gals. And the frantic looking woman had a really tough situation. We started to chat a little bit. And I turned my attention to her for a few minutes, and it's just like, it's a dumb question. We're all going to Fargo, but I said, where are you going? She said, Fargo. I said. Great. Pilot is too. I'm glad we're all in the same place. And so anyway, she had a really bad situation. She just lost her husband to brain cancer, just like my buddy. and says she's going home to be with her family for a grief period. Well, understandable. And we chatted and she asked me, now for many years when people ask me where I'm going, I would sort of smoke screen it, you know. I mean, I wouldn't lie, but I just wouldn't come right out with it, you know, and then one day she told me, what the devil am I doing? I'm up here 30,000 feet in the air in a sewer pipe with wings on it. And you call that anonymity for God's sakes? Man, that's silly is what that is. I mean, good God, what are you hiding from? Odds are we may not even make it. But at dawn one day, that was really dumb. And so I just started telling people, if you ask me where I'm going, you better want to know because I'll tell you. You know, and I won't bore you with it, but I'll tell you enough to get you enticed. And so I did it with her. We started talking, and she told me about her grief period. She said, why are you going to Fargo? So I told her in language she readily understood that it was an AA deal. And she said, man, I used to thought she hit with 220. She said,"Are you in recovery?" I said, you better believe it, girl. And I said,"How about you?" She said--"Me too, seven years." And you can well imagine, she and I started to have a semi-closed meeting in that airplane. And I wasn't trying to be rude, but I just almost forgot the girl that was sitting beside me. And just before we got to Fargo, I turned around and I said, geez, I really apologize that we were having a good visit. And she said, no, no. No, don't apologize for God's sake. Don't apologize. everybody's got the rest of the story hey everybody's got the rest of the story and she said what I didn't tell you is that that you know that that the little the librarian gal what I didn't tell you is I was to be married last Saturday I went to the church and my husband to be never showed up and I've never had that kind of experience but that's gotta be the most humiliating thing in the world She feels like everybody in the city knows about that and what a tragic failure she is. She said, the real truth is I'm going to Fargo because I want to just see if there's any hope for me. She said listening to you two, God, is there ever hope for you? You see what I'm talking about? Now, I could have sat there like an oyster, you know, all sealed up. Don't tell anybody. But baloney. My God, man, this is about letting it shine. Let it reach out. Let it help people. It doesn't matter what they are. Be helpful. So it's just enormous kind of things. And I have that experience all the time. It's almost routine. I have it all the type. I'm going to tell you one more. And then I've got a quick one. More will break on you if you go too long. she's bad that trip what was that my God I forgot the one I was going to tell you and it was the best one of all well I think you get the point I'll just go deprive you of that last one but it's to me It's the thing, you know, the springboard of getting up to that six and seven and looking at nothing mysterious about it. No, there's nothing spooky about it? It's just a matter of taking the tools that are readily available to us and using them, using them. Spring through those things. And then those last three steps for this guy's money, those steps, certainly they're spiritual stuff. Certainly there's meditation in it. But far more, there is action in it It's about getting into action. And the meditation, the prayer is for guidance of where to go. But to get into it is a tremendously vital thing. So to me, the point is I'm not somebody who wants to be expertise on defining the steps. I want to be somebody who lives them in every portion of their life, every day of their life and i'll tell you this after 54 years i am truly i believe the most rewarded man on earth i truly believe that and um and it's nothing i mean all it is you can't give away more than you get and uh you know the uh i just had the experience of going over to russia and ukraine for uh it's funny talking to people don't have a clue what you're talking about but they were very amicable but no, I had a translator he did a great job but what a wonderful experience in a piece of the world I'd never seen with a whole bunch of people I'd ever seen had a whole week to work on their minds they'll probably start a war or something but a heck of a deal and last thing I'll say then I'm going to get out of the way I'm an active man I always have been. I'm the most active man I know. And I am not going to slow it down until God puts the brakes on. And it's not because I'm a dedicated idiot. It's because, you know, like I've had for at least 40 years, I've heard people say, man, you need to slow down. And usually every time somebody says it to me, I'll say something like, if I slow down, will I be like you? they usually get very quiet when you say that and so the way I look at it that when I tell you that I believe I'm the most rewarded person on earth, I believe that and if I'm so grateful my God somebody asked me would you come down to Gainesville Georgia and share that experience with somebody else I'm going to say no not on your life thanks thanks for listening