Why Nothing in the American Magazines Could Fix His Insides – Hector E.

About This Speaker Tape

Dirt floors and a mother who chained him to a sewing machine in Argentina. That was the start. Hector E. spent his youth daydreaming over American magazines in a chicken coop, convinced that the glossy images of wealth and status were the cure for his insides. He arrived in New York with a Brooks Brothers suit and a desperate need to be a "wasp," masking a deep-seated hatred for his own reflection. He chased the American dream through advertising and acting, eventually landing in Hollywood, where he played the "macho bandito" while hiding a spiritual void.

The wreckage peaked with two suicide attempts and a cinematic disaster where he accidentally shot himself in the leg while riding a horse. He describes himself as a "huge ball of fear covered with a little human skin." Only through a Higher Power and the "mafia of love" in AA did he realize that no amount of Baccarat glass or Mercedes-Benzes could fix a spiritual problem. He eventually traded his resentment for a plane ticket to ...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and early childhood in Argentina; mentions being chained to a sewing machine.
• 4:15 Arrival in New York and the desire to become a 'WASP' in a three-piece Brooks Brothers suit.
• 7:30 Laughter: The 'Mormon Bar' story and his first experience with whiskey.
• 11:45 Discussion of isolation and his first suicide attempt via pills.
• 15:20 The 'material solution to a spiritual problem' and his career as an actor.
• 19:10 The filming of 'Wanted, The Sundance Woman' and the accident where he shot himself in the leg.
• 24:30 Discussion of the 12 Steps as spiritual tools for conscious contact with a Higher Power.
• 28:15 The 12 and 12; discussing the need to 'clean house' to receive grace.
• 32:40 The process of forgiving his mother and the memory of the handmade Christmas tree.
• 36:10 The journey to Syria to reconcile with his father, Brahim E.
• 41:00 Final reflections on what it means to be a 'real man' and the power of love.