Why Letting Go Absolutely Is the Only Way Out – Sheila A.

About This Speaker Tape

Eleven years old and drinking whole bottles to prove she was cool. Sheila A. spent decades in a cycle of sex, rock and roll, and Jägermeister puke.

She recalls the "crusty old men" of her first meeting at fourteen who told her to put the cotton from her ears into her mouth. For twenty-five years, she lived by the rule that if she was in a blackout, it never happened. The wreckage piled up: a marriage to a man fresh out of prison, four daughters, and a string of deaths—husband, best friend, and brother—that sent her on a "suicide mission." She describes herself as the kind of person who could jump off a building and land on a mattress truck.

It took hitting homelessness and a deal with her Higher Power to strip away the anger. After finding a mentor in Big Book Bob, she learned she had a physical allergy and a need for sanity. Now, she views the handcuffs on her own daughter as a blessing disguised as disaster.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:30 Childhood drinking and the 'cool' factor.
• 1:15 First AA meeting at Lucadia Step House; resentment toward 'crusty old men'.
• 2:10 Denial regarding Step One and the 'frou-frou' drink myth.
• 3:15 Marriage to a former inmate and the relapse into Ju00e4germeister.
• 4:20 Loss of husband, best friend, and brother; homelessness with four children.
• 5:40 The 'suicide mission' and the deal with her Higher Power to remove anger.
• 6:30 Meeting Big Book Bob and learning about the physical allergy.
• 7:40 Discussion of the Third Step and the 'blessings disguised as disasters'.
• 8:50 Story about her daughter's court-mandated rehab and the judge's reaction.
• 9:40 Final thoughts on letting go and not picking up.