Why He’s Still Fighting the Need to Be a Number One Person – Mike

About This Speaker Tape

Sunday Workshop - 2007

A former district attorney with a lawyer's mind for intellectualizing struggles with the 'orphan steps' of six and seven. He describes a life spent fighting the fear of being 'the right size'—neither the center of attention nor a failure—and the agony of a mind that refuses to shut up. From a devastating job loss at Doheny State Park that left him weeping in a camping site to the subtle phony flirtations in his dating life he maps out the gap between believing in a Higher Power and actually trusting one. He views character defects not as things to be deleted but as instincts gone astray that require a daily gritty surrender to avoid the misery of living in two worlds.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opening remarks and a joke about Mother's Day.
• 2:15 Discusses Steps 6 and 7 as 'orphan steps' that often get glossed over.
• 6:40 Recounts a moment of intense craving at Oceanside and the first time prayer provided concrete evidence of change.
• 11:20 Explores the definition of humility as being 'the right size' and the fear of not standing out.
• 15:45 The story of the lost job in Glendale and the subsequent emotional collapse at the campsite.
• 20:10 Discusses the difference between believing in a Higher Power and trusting one.
• 24:30 Reflects on the 'phony' nature of his dating life and the tension of living in two worlds.
• 28:15 Laughter: Discusses the competitive nature of listening to other speakers at meetings.
• 31:00 Discussion on the 12 and 12 and the validity of Bill W.'s later writings.
• 35:20 Reflects on the jealousy and competitiveness he felt during his legal career.