Why Depending on a Higher Power Makes Her Independent — Barbara B.

About This Speaker Tape

Barbara B. shares a comprehensive journey of recovery, beginning with a childhood marked by health struggles, including epilepsy and anemia, and a lifelong feeling of being 'less than.' She describes a youth spent manipulating those around her for attention and an early introduction to alcohol through medicinal wine and family parties. This trajectory led to a lifestyle of arrogance and isolation, where she viewed herself as superior to others while privately suffering from a deep internal void.

Her path to sobriety began in 1988 after a psychiatric hospitalization. Barbara details her initial resistance to the program, her struggle with ego, and a devastating relapse that led to a traumatic experience. However, she eventually found a lifeline through rigorous adherence to the steps and a commitment to service. She emphasizes the transformation from being self-centered to being Higher Power-centered, noting that depending on her Higher Power actually made her more independent and capable in her daily life.

Much of the talk focuses on her extensive involvement in General Service, progressing from a GSR to a District Secretary and eventually a Delegate. She describes the joy and humility found in these roles, illustrating how service shifted her focus from her own needs to the needs of the fellowship. She concludes by reflecting on the importance of spiritual progress and the profound peace that comes from practicing the principles of AA in all her affairs.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction of Barbara B. and her early childhood feelings of inadequacy and manipulation
• 12:20 Description of her 'sick' drinking habits, including using butter to coat her stomach
• 25:10 Narrative of her delusional episode where she believed she was Anita Baker
• 37:40 Details of her wedding on April 7, 1979, and the subsequent wreckage
• 48:15 Discussion of her first 4th and 5th steps and the process of identifying resentments
• 59:20 The story of the dime store pearl necklace as a metaphor for letting go of the cheap things for the genuine treasure
• 1:12:10 Detailed account of her journey into General Service, from GSR to Area Delegate
• 1:32:00 Experiences at the General Service Conference in New York and meeting delegates from other regions
• 1:48:15 Reflection on the 12th step and the experience of sponsoring a newcomer