Wanda M. – Fear – Overcoming Fear in Recovery – 2006

About This Speaker Tape

Wanda and Angel map out a life defined by terror—from childhood fears of the dark to the violent armor of the streets. Wanda traces her path from a second-grade reading level and a job chopping 100-pound bags of cabbage to graduating university with honors. Angel dismantles the image of the 'bad motherfucker,' revealing a secret life of panic and a history of violence, including murder and prison.

Both describe the shift from using substances to numb the fear to using the 12 Steps to walk through it. They discuss the grit of making amends to estranged children and mothers, and the surreal experience of seeing old 'scandalous' running buddies clean and sober. The narrative moves from the wreckage of the harbor and the 'soul-snatching' nature of addiction to a spiritual wealth that doesn't require a luxury lifestyle, only a daily reprieve.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Wanda begins by discussing the nature of fear and her childhood terror of the dark.
• 5:12 Wanda describes the intimidation of her first meeting in a large gym with only men present.
• 11:45 Wanda shares the struggle of her first honest job chopping cabbage and her later academic achievements.
• 16:20 Wanda discusses the fear of living with HIV and Hepatitis C.
• 20:15 Wanda describes the emotional weight of making amends to her daughter.
• 26:30 Angel begins his share, discussing the 'terror' instilled by his father and his childhood in Mexico.
• 32:10 Angel admits to carrying two guns and the violence he used to mask his fear.
• 38:45 Angel discusses the 'secrets' of addiction and the shame of his 8th Step list.
• 44:10 Laughter: Angel describes the 'scandalous' nature of his old friend Jerry.
• 51:20 Angel describes the emotional experience of making amends to his mother.
• 58:15 Angel discusses his current struggles with food and his resistance to health checkups.
• 1:05:30 Closing: The group joins in the Serenity Prayer.