Valerie D. Battles the Liar’s Ego While Studying the Basic Text

About This Speaker Tape

Richmond, Virginia, in a dilapidated building with a five-foot cloud of smoke hanging from the ceiling. Valerie D. didn't fit in; she was a thief and a "mad dog alcoholic" who pursued the magic of the bottle with a vengeance. For years, she played the actor, wearing out welcomes like a tornado and creating wreckage across Atlanta and New York. She describes herself not as a nice girl, but as a psychopath capable of ugly things without remorse, once even trying to solve her problem by raising sheep.

The turn came through a "dark night of the soul" and a brutal wake-up call from a mentor who refused to "pat her on the tutu." Valerie recounts the grit of financial amends—paying back $50,000 in small, humbling increments—and the demolition of her ego through a rigorous fifth step. By surrendering to a Higher Power and following the "directions" in the Big Book, she moved from being a taker to a woman who is finally self-supporting.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and reflections on the loss of Don P.
• 5:15 Early history: Childhood theft and the 'hole in the gut' before drinking.
• 10:40 The rebellion phase: Stealing clubhouse keys and partying in meetings to prove she was an alcoholic.
• 16:20 The 'sheep' experiment: Trying to find sobriety through nature and livestock.
• 22:10 The bottom: A humiliating evening and a phone call from her father that led her back to AA.
• 28:45 Discovery of the Big Book: Realizing there are actual directions for recovery in the text.
• 34:10 Meeting Camille F. and the 'mad dog' diagnosis; discussion of the spiritual malady.
• 40:20 Step 5: The humbling experience of reading her inventory to strangers to break her ego.
• 46:15 Step 2: Deconstructing faulty beliefs about a vindictive Higher Power.
• 52:30 Step 9: The struggle and eventual freedom found in making consistent financial amends.
• 58:10 Reflections on Step 11 and the 'merciful Father' prayer.