Tradition 5 and the Primary Purpose of Staying Sober – Sheridan L.

And I've been sober since the 24th of June, 1969. There may be some here who are not familiar with our tradition of personal anonymity at the public level. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need to always maintain personal anonymity at the level of the press, radio, TV, and films. Thus, we respectfully ask that no AA member, or indeed any AA member, be identified by full name and published or broadcast reports of our meeting. The assurance of anonymity is essential in our effort to help other problem drinkers who may wish to share in our common recovery program with us. And our tradition of anonymity reminds us that AA principles come before personalities. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem. And help us to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership. We are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization, or institution. It does not wish to engage in any controversy, and neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. And welcome to the first Cornhusker Marathon. We are a small town meeting. And to read how it works, Duane, would you come up? My name is Duane and I am an alcoholic. And through the fellowship of AA and through my higher power, as I understand him, my sobriety date is August 13th. 1949. The 12 steps. 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed. 9. Made a list of all persons we had harmed. 10. Made a list of all persons we had harmed. 12. And became willing to make amends to them all. 5. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so, and would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and mediation, to improve our conscious contact with our God, as we understood him, praying only to Jesus. praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. And twelve, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Thanks, Dwayne. And to read the Twelve Traditions, Barbara. Hi, my name's Barbara Preston and I'm an alcoholic. And because of Alcoholics Anonymous and people like you and a loving God that I've come to know in AA, I've been sober since August 12, 1979. The Twelve Traditions. One, our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon AA unity. Two, for our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority, a loving God as he may express himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not govern. Three, the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Four, each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or AA. Five, each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Six, an AA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. Seven, every AA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. Eight, Alcoholics Anonymous should remain in the group, and remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers. Nine, AA as such ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. Ten, Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues. Hence, the AA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. Eleven, our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain dignity. We need to maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films. Twelve, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. Thanks, Barbara, and thanks again, Duane, for sharing with us. I've been afforded the opportunity this evening to chair this meeting, the first marathon meeting of the Cornhusker Roundup, and for this I am grateful, grateful for the opportunity to share. I also had the pleasure of introducing our speaker for this evening, for this hour, and she was in our midst here in Alcoholics Anonymous for quite a number of years, and four or five years ago her family moved to South Dakota. She's now still active and in good aim. She's been a member up there and I was just thinking, I was walking over here, Sheridan, we've known each other for quite a number of years, but you're one of them kind of people, like a lot of people in Alcoholics Anonymous, seems like we've been acquainted for a lifetime. And I'm grateful for that too, and without me talking further, I would give you Sheridan from South Dakota. Sheridan Loudon, South Dakota Sheridan Loudon, South Dakota Sheridan Loudon, South Dakota Sheridan Loudon, South Dakota Hi, everybody. I'm Sheridan Loudon. Sheridan Loudon, South Dakota alcoholic hi family my higher power working through the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous and the sponsor has seen fit to give me the gift of sobriety since the 24th of august 1976. thank you i believe you know i'd like i'd like to to stand up here and say that i've always been willing to go to any lengths in this program but i'd be lying to you all i know and i do believe this the longer i'm in a is that looking back particularly on that first year year and a half is that god gave me enough willingness to stay here and what i mean by that is you know i never had willingness without pain first i never was willing to do anything without being miserable and bloodied and not knowing anything else to do and that's the way i arrived in alcoholics anonymous is this thing too high i don't want to break it you got to loosen something i don't know if you're doing like it feels like it's between me and you thanks peggy that's good is that better it seemed like it pushes you away from the two yeah i think it's okay now can everybody hear me all right anyhow see what was i saying um i always i always had to get desperate i always had to come to that same point again it seems to me each time that i have gained i have gained that real superior kind of willingness that willingness to go to any links that is when i am most comfortable in this program when i am willing to go to any lengths for my sobriety when i am totally grateful for my sobriety those moments are usually short and not really all that frequent now i'm talking about that total kind of commitment where i'd give up anything to keep this thing in place and i'm not going to give up anything to keep this thing in place but i think that for me thank god that level of willingness is not always necessary okay i have to be willing to do what's in front of me to do you know let me back up a minute when i first got here for the first time in my life i was hurting bad enough to do what somebody else would tell me to do now i i didn't have a whole lot of understanding about god i was willing to listen to what y'all had to say because you seem to be talking about a different kind of god than the one that i had rejected in the latter part of my drinking so i tried to be open-minded about that but i didn't know how to hear what he had to say to me in any kind of direct way now i believe today that he can speak to me directly and say things very very clearly but i don't think that this alcoholic will be able to do that for me i don't think that he will be able to do that for me but i don't think that this alcoholic will be able to do that for me i don't think that this alcoholic will be able to do that for me alcoholic with this brain hears what he's saying to me i've got me in the way okay he gave me alcoholics anonymous in this program to show me what i need to do and further than that he gave me a sponsor to help interpret this program for me now i kind of had to start with that first i had to start not that that's over i had to start with the first step and that's what i did i had to start not that that's over with by the way but i had to begin by learning to trust another human being and that was my sponsor i still trust my sponsor i hope i always trust my sponsor i don't believe that any one human being in or out of this program is perfect or without flaw that's not what i'm saying although i had her on pedestal for many many years but i do believe that that's not the issue she could be wrong in what she tells me to do the point is that i have to be willing to try what she tells me to do in this program that's the issue my attitude my willingness because as long as i am willing to do those things i'm okay i'm okay from there and still through my sponsor i began to learn to trust and listen to alcoholics anonymous she entrusted me with an ads lesson and arguing without the consent of my own gentrification she was never willing to do what my sponsoregree said and i gave her a chance to test the matron mindset with my otherHmm and donyally trusted her to be a proper partner so i forgive it to the one who said the problem to help me how my partnerst rocket did have exhibits but i do have to let her off and I'm not going to by rusting you too many times to help him but i continue to listen to his blessing and trusty way we had been able to do what he wanted to do but for And still, through my sponsor, I began to learn to trust and listen to Alcoholics Anonymous. She interpreted Alcoholics Anonymous for me, what living this program meant. One of our speakers talked about not hearing, I think it was Gene Duffy, not hearing the words, they didn't mean anything, but when he saw the actions, that meant something. And that's what my sponsor did for me. She lived this program in a way that I could follow and understand. For those of you who do not know, Peggy Martin is my sponsor, okay? I kind of wish she wasn't here. Anyway, that was important to me because I couldn't just listen to words and do what I was told, even as bad as I was hurting when I got there. But I could see that it was working through her. And therefore, I could have just a little bit of faith and try it for myself. I was willing to go to the meetings that were available to me. I was willing to talk to my sponsor on a daily basis. God gave me that willingness because I was too sick to have it on my own. And I think he does that for every single one of us. I think he gives us that gift. We sometimes throw it back. But I think he gives that to every one of us. So I did those things that were necessary for me to maintain sobriety long enough for me to appreciate what I had been given and want to fight like hell to hang on to it. He gave me a level of comfort and love and caring that I never knew existed. I didn't know how to love when I got here. I didn't know how to be a friend. I didn't know any of those wonderful things that you people have taught me. But once I began to feel those things and experience those things, more and more I was willing to go to any lengths to keep them, to hang on to them. I don't like pain. I don't like physical pain. I don't like emotional pain of any kind. And for the first time in my life, you all taught me what it was like to be somewhat free from those kinds of pain. So I didn't want to let go of that. I don't want to let go of that today. And that gives me a willingness that I don't think I could have in any other way. And that I'd rather just hold on good to who I am, not the others. There's always a<|haw|> littleích Or, in this program. I use everybody who comes into my life who's involved in Alcoholics Anonymous. I use them to talk with me, to share with me, to allow me to talk with them and share with them, to give me their ideas, their feelings, just all the things that we give to one another. But I am a very conning sort of person. I always have been and it's been vitally important to me to keep one person in my life that I ran everything by eventually. I have many sponsors if you want to think of it in terms of people who've given things to me and added to my sobriety. But it's been very important for me just to have one official one at a time and to make sure that that person knows me totally and completely and thoroughly. I guess in a way I'm talking about sponsorship a lot here but that way I'm talking about my sobriety. And I think that was so very vitally important to me and still is in my sobriety because that's one person that I know has never lied to me. That is one person that I know has given me this program in a way that has made my life what it is today. So I have all of you now, okay? I've gotten to the point where I can go into a meeting or I can sit down with a group, and take what you have, and share what I have with all of you. I've come to be able to trust in each of you. You are my family. I said hi, family, when I got up here and I really mean that. And through you, through my sponsor, and then through you, I have found my God. Now I don't believe that that means that I don't need you anymore. I still need you. I cannot go direct. I tried that when I was a year and a half sober. I got real cute. See, I had been sober for better than a year. Everything was going real good. So I didn't exactly fire my sponsor. I just said, back off, leave me alone. I got to do this my own way. And I did. I had watched people going to just a couple meetings a week, and they seemed to be fairly comfortable. And I thought, well, if they can do that, why can't I do that? And besides, me and God together can do this. I thought that. I really thought that. I came as close to drinking as I have ever come in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And on May the 6th of that year, just before, a few months before my second anniversary, I had to do what I think of as coming to my knees again. I had to make a phone call. And say to my sponsor, I need you. Please come back and help me again. That was hard. I'm a prideful person. But I knew that I did. And I knew that I had to. And I knew that my life and my sobriety were dependent on that. Now, my sobriety in many ways has been a series of that kind of thing. Okay? I get to going real good and doing all the right things. And then I get wonderful. And then things turn sour again. And then I have to come to my knees again. So, to me, willingness to go to any... It means many things to me. You know, I was thinking when I was going to talk on this. You know, I could make lists of the things, you know, in my sobriety that I have or haven't done. You know, that would be kind of a list of willing to go to any lengths. You know, I've heard some phenomenal stories in this program. People driving 90 miles to go to meetings, you know, and those kinds of things. I have been fortunate in many ways. I've never had to do that. I have never lived anywhere where I had to drive tremendous lengths to get to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I admire those people who can and do do that. I have never, you know, had to... Oh, I don't know. Just many things, you know, have just almost been handed to me on a silver platter. I've never had to... I don't know. I don't know what a silver platter really when I compare it to some other people in terms of the availability of things to me in AA. But I was thinking about that, and I was thinking, yeah, but there are a lot of things in this program that I have done that I didn't want to do. Many, many things that I've done that I did not want to do. There was one a couple of weeks ago. There's a guy, a guy who has been in and out of AA for many, many years, and he called me. Real scrunchy sort of guy who called me up on the phone and asked me to help him. Okay? And I did the best that I knew how to do. And he came to that meeting that night, and he told me, he said, I need to be hugged. Nobody will hug me. Well, I could understand why. If you had seen him, you would, too. He really, you know, and particularly by women because he sort of had that, I'm going to get you, you know, kind of appearance, and I just felt this physical sort of withdrawal from this fellow. But I hugged him. It was one of the harder things I've ever had to do in this program. But I hugged him. And I felt good about that. I was willing to go to that length. Sometimes I think it is the little things. For me, certainly it is the little things that I've been willing to do, picking up ashtrays. Well, I always wanted to pick up ashtrays. That was prestigious to me when I first got sober. I used to fight over them with the other girls. But there were other things that I did get real sick and tired of doing. Making coffee month after month, you know, cleaning up. I've got a real good group at Ellsworth Air Force Base up in South Dakota, and a lot of young people and a lot of enthusiasm. But one of the things that happens occasionally is they get so enthusiastic that they're all visiting with each other after the meeting, and I wind up doing a lot of cleaning up. And sometimes, most of the time, it's okay. It really is. Because I need to do those things. You know, I have a lot of arrogance. I have a lot of pridefulness. And I get to thinking I'm wonderful. And it's real good for me to clean out coffee pots and ashtrays. But occasionally, I get real irritated, you know, because they're not doing it right. And I'm helping. Why aren't they helping? And I forget that that's for me. You know, when I do those things, that's for me. That's not for that group. It is, but it isn't. You know, I'm doing that for my sobriety. That's my willingness to participate, my willingness to do what I'm asked to do. Or just what's there in front of me to be done, whether I'm asked or not, you know. I was trying to think of... You know, I think when I... I got into a lot of good habits in early sobriety, thank God. I got into, you know, habits of going to a lot of meetings. I got into habits of contact and socializing and all those things. And I'm grateful for that because there are many times when I don't want to do that. I want to withdraw, usually under the guise of, you know, a guy didn't get me sober just to spend my whole life in Alcoholics Anonymous. And there are other things after all, you know. And I get involved in that and I get caught up in that and then I don't want to do these other things. And I... By the way, I do believe there are other things in life. I'm not putting that down either. But I can get carried away with that just like I do everything else, you know. And I lose that attitude of A.A. first and the other things. And I get it. Which has served me very well when I can live that. I lost my train of thought. I don't know what I was going to say. I got to go to my notes, folks. I wasn't going to do this. I wrote down a few little things here. Just a few little words. One of the things that I got to talking about earlier tonight that I wanted to touch on a little bit was the musts in A.A. We've had a lot of talk around our group back home about that lately, it seems like. And we got to talking about it at dinner tonight. And some of the... I'm sure you've all heard somewhere or another things like A.A. is a smorgasbord. Take what you want and leave the rest. Or, you know, those kinds of things. And I cannot operate that way. I've tried that. It does not work for me. And it frightens me. That particular statement frightens me because if I had chosen just what I wanted... To me, that's absolutely the opposite of being willing to go to any lengths. I must do... I must do... This alcoholic must do anything that is strongly suggested to me in this program. And I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do it. And there are musts in the big book. And a good friend of mine out in the audience tonight said something that I really like. The suggestions in Alcoholics Anonymous are kind of like the suggestion that you move off the railroad track when there's a freight train bearing down on you. And I really like that because that's the way it seems to be for me. I mean, that is the way A.A. is for me. If I want this program, if I want sobriety and I want the comfort and the happiness, the happy, joyous, and free that this program promises to me, if I want those things, then I have to do what you all do and what you show me how to do. And I wish to God I always was willing to because then I'd always be wonderful and comfortable. But I just, you know, I guess, I just don't think that's possible. I guess part of that is appreciating it when I do have it is going to the point where I don't do it, you know, and getting miserable and coming back. I, you know, I'm just an ordinary person who has to keep on being taught what to appreciate. You know, if it was always wonderful, I probably would not appreciate it. I believe that gratitude goes along with that willingness to go to any lengths. If I'm grateful for my sobriety, I am willing, I am willing to do those things. Sometimes the things that this program says to me, particularly the things that have to do with personal relationships, and most specifically the things that have to do with my being nice to my husband or someone like that, are very difficult for me. You know, I can see so clearly where he's wrong, you know, and if I don't tell him, who's going to tell him, you know? I forget who said that one time and I just loved it. But it's a funny thing, you know, when I let go, when I finally do manage to let go and let him be and do what he is or anybody else in my life, I'm a manager, folks, and I like to fix people and I like to manage them, you know, and if they'd only do what I say, they'd be all right, you know. I'm like that with my pigeons, you know, I'm awful sometimes. But again, I, again, when I do that, when I go overboard with those things, I get whopped, you know. It hurts when I go too far that way and I get brought to my knees again. I really believe that if I just keep hanging in there and trying, I'm going to be taught. I'm going to be taught probably the hard way, you know, doing it wrong, bang, it hurts, and then finding a better way eventually. This program is such a gift to me, you know. It has always been there. It has never let me down. I let it down sometimes. But this program doesn't ever let me down. Oh, am I over? I'm over. Time already? This red light is on. What does that mean? No, you can... Yeah, you got about five minutes. No, there's no... I thought red meant stop, folks. It does, but it's not working. Oh, okay. Jeez. It's getting hot in here. I'll tap you. Oh, all right. All right, sure. Okay, Max. Well, I don't... I don't really know anything much more to say. I've gotten, you know, a lot of licks in this program. A lot of them are from pigeons, you know. I mean, when you push them around, they push back. You know, you tell them what they got to do, they push back. I'm grateful for that because if they didn't, I wouldn't learn. You know, I'd go on pushing people around the rest of my life. If I got away with that, if I could get away with that. But AA doesn't let you get away with that for long. Some of the things that mean willingness to me are obviously the steps. Living the steps, being willing to make amends when I do crummy things. Being willing to talk to God when I don't want to, I'm mad. Being willing to pray when I don't feel the contact. That's one of the hardest things in the world for me. That's discipline. You know, there are times when it's easy to pray. I feel real close and I want to talk. And then there are other times when it just feels like He's just nowhere around and I can't get through. But the times that I have stuck that out and stuck to the two shall pass, you know, as long as I keep doing the right things. I think there's a lot of faith implied in going to any lengths in the sense of doing what the program says. For me, there is. One of the things that I believe, though, that's neat for me is that the more experience I've had with that, you know, and I don't have these wonderful years of experience like some of you do, but each time that I have acted as if I had the faith that something was going to work and gone on taking the actions and had it work, eventually it did work, it has given me more faith for the next time. And I'm grateful for those years of experience. Yes, I believe that I am just as close to a drink as anybody else. I'm only one step away from a drink and one drink away from a drunk. But I do believe that the experiences that I have had in sobriety help to give me the strength to have the faith to know that if I hang in there through whatever bad things I might be feeling, that it'll pass. It's going to go away. It's not permanent. You know, I wanted to die before I got here, when I was drinking. I wanted badly to die. I botched several suicide attempts. Now, looking back, I don't know if they were serious or not. In all honesty, I don't know if I really meant to kill myself or not. Maybe I just wanted attention. You know, I don't think I had that kind of courage that could make me do that. I didn't want to make it a serious one. But nevertheless, I had given up suicide for the last five years because I had determined that I couldn't go through with it, okay, for whatever reason. But the living hell, you know, that I was in those last five or six years and did not have a solution to, absolutely no solution to, brought me to that point where I was willing to listen to AA and what it had to suggest, thank God, and gave me the beginnings of faith in AA when I could look at all of you and see that sobriety and see that it was working in your lives. That was neat. That was really neat. Thank you for that. I hope that I can be an example to others like other people have been to me. Some of the times that is what motivates me. And it's not because I'm wonderful. It's because I'm grateful. And it's because I want AA to be here for me from now on. And I want AA to, selfishly, I want it to be here for me. I want it to be here for the people I care about, my family. There's a lot of drunks in my family. They're going to get here one of these days. You know, so I try, I remember I kept trying to give. I kept thinking, I can give this back. I can give back this gift that's been given to me. I can pay AA back. It doesn't work. Because every time I give to AA, I get back tenfold what I've put in. You know, and I heard people say that, and I thought, huh, what a bunch of hooey. But it's not. It's not a bunch of hooey. It really does work that way. Thank God. You know, that's something I can do. That's an action I can take. I have some choice over that. I didn't have that before. Didn't have it at all. But God saw fit to put me in a position to give me that choice. They're having fun down there. You know something? I love these conferences. One Tom Super tonight, you guys. Oh, God. He really got to me. I went up to him afterwards. Now, if anybody is from the Bible Belt, I'm going to apologize ahead of time, okay? I grew up down there. And I have some prejudices about, you know, Southern Baptist-type religions, okay? I didn't know any of them. I didn't know any of them. I didn't know any of them. I didn't know any of them. I have a lot of other religions, okay? I did not respond well to that kind of religion. When I went back to visit home last time, I went to some AA meetings in the Bible Belt. And I wasn't real comfortable there. And so, when I went at the time after the meeting, I said, God, I didn't see any of that kind of AA when I went down there. And he laughed, and he said, I got that in Michigan. You know? . That's kind of neat. Those people... in North Carolina, please believe me. They're neat people, and I did enjoy them. But I just have some trouble with some of that, and that's my problem. I'll deal with that one day, maybe. I don't have anything more to say, you guys. I didn't have anything wonderful to say when I got up here. I just wanted to share a little bit of my experience with not being willing to go to any lengths and the times that I have been willing to. And I'm here to tell you the times that I'm willing to are one hell of a lot better than the times when I'm not. That's all I have to say. Thank you. Thank you, dear. That was great.