Third Step for an Agnostic — Just Admit Higher Power Isn’t You — JC B.

About This Speaker Tape

J.C. shares with a continuous sobriety date of April 22, 2018, but his story actually spans three sobriety dates and decades of what he calls a functioning alcoholic's life. Adopted as an infant, he grew up in Memphis and North Alabama with loving parents and a near-idyllic childhood, yet from his earliest memories he felt a hole inside — not comfortable in his own skin, always wondering if he was good enough. At 12 or 13 he and two friends got a bottle of vodka; his friends blacked out and got sick, but J.C. had the best time of his life and couldn't wait to do it again. By the sixth year of college at the University of Alabama he was on a medical withdrawal, wiping zeros and F's off his transcript, and headed to Ridgeview for his first treatment.

His disease chased him through a geographic cure to Athens, Georgia, where one post-gym late-night drink turned into nine drinks and a DUI. At Hokie Jackson DUI school he met the woman he'd marry — his father's dry comment was, at least y'all have something in common. Eight years of functioning alcoholism followed: career, two kids, a 24/7 drinking habit, and a wife about to leave. In 2002 he finally got a competent sponsor, worked the steps, and felt comfortable in his own skin for the first time at 31. Then he started missing meetings, took a business trip, and woke up a thousand miles from home with everything he'd built on fire.

Nine months of relapse ended when he couldn't keep the secret anymore. His sponsor welcomed him back with open arms and he worked the steps again. Eleven years later, in 2018, still going to meetings but not as plugged in as he needed to be, he took a prescription ADD stimulant he knew he couldn't handle — and went out again. He called his sponsor, did the steps a third time, and this time is clear that his daily reprieve is contingent on staying in the middle of the program. A raw alcoholic who started as an agnostic, he credits his sponsor's line — you don't have to figure out who your Higher Power is, you just need to admit it's not you — with cracking open a relationship he now calls the most important thing in his life.

He closes with the hardest chapter: after 15 years of marriage, his wife left him a couple of years ago, and he's had to walk into Al-Anon in complete despair to work the family-disease side of the program. He says it has been phenomenal, and that experiencing what he put his parents and family through is a gift he wouldn't wish on anyone.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 J.C. introduces himself as J.C. number two, notes continuous sobriety date of April 22, 2018, and that his story spans multiple sobriety dates
• 3:30 Adoption story — biological parents were college students in a summer fling; raised by loving adoptive parents in Memphis and North Alabama
• 8:00 First drink at 12 or 13 — vodka with two friends who got sick while J.C. had the best time of his life
• 14:00 Sixth-year medical withdrawal from Alabama, first treatment at Ridgeview, transfer to Athens, Georgia as a geographic cure
• 20:00 DUI in Athens after one-drink-turned-nine; meets future wife at Hokie Jackson DUI school
• 27:00 Eight years as functioning alcoholic — career, kids, 24/7 daily habit, wife ready to leave
• 33:00 Sponsor's line on Higher Power as an agnostic: you don't have to figure out who it is, just admit it's not you
• 40:00 First relapse on a business trip a thousand miles from home after missing meetings; nine months hidden before wife caught him
• 48:00 Second relapse after 11 years sober on a prescription ADD stimulant he knew he couldn't handle
• 54:00 Wife leaves after 15 years; J.C. walks into Al-Anon in complete despair to work the family disease