The Young People’s Panel and the Gift of Being Active – Charlie C.

About This Speaker Tape

A Victorian house in Santa Ana, 1960s: a room full of "rat-faced bastards" on acid and malt liquor. Halfway through a can, Charlie C. felt the safety catch on his pistol click off. For the first time, the world stopped being a threat. He wasn't drinking to get drunk; he was drinking to get "there"—that frictionless place where the grinding anxiety of demanding approval from a human race he loathed finally ceased.

Charlie describes his life as a mask that grew to fit his face, a facade supported by a scaffolding of lies. He speaks of the "torque" of his existence and the wreckage of a marriage and family cut away like healthy organs removed to give a tumor room to grow. After years of peeing blood and driving the wrong way down freeways, a woman with only 22 days of sobriety 12-stepped him in a car. He found a Higher Power not in a penthouse, but in the basement, learning that being active is the only way to stay out of the wreckage.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Charlie C. opens with gratitude for the hospitality suite and the 'pitiful message' he carries into institutions.
• 5:30 Discussion of childhood isolation and the 'torque' of wanting approval from people he loathes.
• 12:15 The first drink: a can of malt liquor at a party in Santa Ana and the discovery of 'there'.
• 20:40 The metaphor of the tumor: cutting away parts of life to make room for the disease to grow.
• 26:10 Childhood trauma and the anger toward a Higher Power regarding a lost sibling.
• 32:50 The physical wreckage of detox: forgetting how to walk and seeing imaginary gnats.
• 38:15 The role of Debbie, a newcomer with 22 days, who 12-stepped him in a car.
• 44:20 Sponsorship with Bill: the requirement to mop floors and clean ashtrays as part of the first three steps.
• 52:10 The journey back to the Catholic Church and the experience of absolute absolution.
• 58:45 Making amends to his mother and the story of the discarded school lunches.