The Twelve Steps of AA (4.5 Hrs) – Part 2 of 4 – 2019 – Sandy B.

About This Speaker Tape

The Twelve Steps of AA (4.5 hrs) - 2019

A life that felt like a series of events rather than a life Scott R. describes a descent into intravenous drug use and a deep isolating alcoholism that left him alone in a hospital room while his newborn son sat in an incubator. He speaks of the 'black hole' left by his father's death—a night he spent stoned on heroin—and the mutation of a once-pure love for his wife into something diseased. Through the lens of the Big Book he dissects the 'spiritual hamster wheel' of resentment detailing a specific shorthand for inventory (SPAPS) and the brutal realization that while the event may not be his fault the resentment always is. He moves from the 'homicide guy' who preferred others' deaths to his own toward a life that is finally getting bigger though he warns that the road to recovery is not narrow but a broad highway that requires a strenuous effort to stay on.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Discussion on Step 3 and the danger of 'playing Higher Power' and 'AA big shot-ism'.
• 4:15 Story of Bobby R., a Skid Row bum who found sobriety after a near-death experience on a bridge.
• 8:30 Laughter: The 'sounds of families that shouldn't be' and the music of babies in meetings.
• 12:45 The 'disgust' of his wife and the memory of collapsing on the kitchen floor with a pan of eggs.
• 18:20 Detailed explanation of the Fourth Step inventory and the 'SPAPS' shorthand.
• 24:10 The 'homicide guy' vs. the 'suicide guy' and the cavern of shame found in the inventory.
• 31:00 The 'spiritual hamster wheel' of resentment and the cost of wasting time in anger.
• 38:45 The story of the woman having a seizure in a meeting and the 'whole story of alcoholism' in one moment.
• 45:10 The 'boring' joke about Jeff D. and the nature of boredom in recovery.
• 52:30 Reflections on the 'black hole' of his father's death and the use of heroin to numb the pain.
• 58:15 The isolation of his second son's birth and the inability to accept help from a stranger.
• 1:05:00 The 'mutation' of love into a diseased thing and the process of removing defects.