The Turning Point Between Surrender and Suffering – Lori P.

About This Speaker Tape

Rock Mountain Gathering - 2012

Pages 58 and 59 of the Big Book hold the rigorous directions for the 'steps before the steps' that Lori P. centers her talk around. She recounts her own wreckage—a cycle of six-week benders and a .45 blood alcohol level that landed her in the ER—and the moment of clarity she found in a recovery community in Sumter South Carolina. Lori P. dismantles the illusion of the 'easier softer way,' arguing that recovery requires a drastic commitment and a willingness to go to any length. She emphasizes the necessity of letting go of 'old ideas' and the danger of half-measures using the metaphor of lung capacity to describe how a person's ability to be honest grows as they get well. She concludes by challenging the listener to identify exactly what they want from the program noting that without a clear desire for the results the hard work of the steps becomes impossible.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Lori P. introduces her sobriety date (August 8, 2008) and the necessity of a spiritual experience.
• 3:12 Laughter: Story about the .45 blood alcohol level and the decision to 'die an alcoholic death'.
• 6:20 Lori P. describes meeting her roommate in the recovery community who had a 'glow' about her.
• 10:15 Discussion of the 'steps before the steps' and the exercise of looking up action words in a dictionary.
• 15:40 Analysis of the word 'rarely' on page 58 and Bill W.'s intentional choice of wording.
• 21:10 Laughter: The 'saints' story about the difficulty of being honest with oneself.
• 28:30 Lori P.'s shift in perspective on being 'naturally incapable' of honesty.
• 33:15 Metaphor: Comparing the capacity for honesty to lung capacity during a chest cold.
• 38:40 Discussion on 'going to any length' and the difference between endurance and the unknown.
• 44:10 Lori P. discusses letting go of 'old ideas' and the 'cunning, baffling, and powerful' nature of alcoholism.
• 51:20 Lori P.'s personal history with a minister father and her need for a 'highest power' over her alcoholism.
• 56:45 Closing thoughts on the turning point: 'surrender or suffer'.