The Truth Only Hurts Once if You Let It – Chuck H.

Hi everybody, my name is Chuck Harper and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, I'm very grateful to be here and I am very grateful that Suzie called me. I have been an alcoholic for 5367 days today. For 30 years he perceived I was a social drinker, always drank like a gentleman, and occasionally fell victim to a series of bad breaks. And that's about the extent of honesty I had when I got part of this program. I still count days for two or three reasons. Number one, when I go sober my peers told me to count days because every day that I stay sober would be a miracle. And some of them are sitting in here tonight. Now when I was in my second month of sobriety at the Men's Stag in Fulham where I got Moses' program beaten to meat, I sat next to one of these clowns that you always meet me and he looks at you and says, how long have you been in the program? And I looked at this yahoo and said, I'm still a baby counting days. He said, so am I, how many do you have? And I said 56. So we came last week and we asked him how many he had and he said 2,859. And I never heard a thing said to us when I tried to ride 365 in my 2060s. I don't come from an alcoholic family. I didn't start drinking when I was 14. I didn' drink in college, except the occasion of Smiley Alec beer. I really didn't started drinking until the Air Corps made an officer and gentleman around me and the Germans started shooting at me. And I got so scared I almost turned Catholic that I got drunk instead. I actually had a very nice Catholic chaplain in the U.S. assure me that my turn at the Catholicism would have no effect on the Messerschmitt 109 pilot. It took me all my life to find out a place where I'm finally different. I finally found a place in alcoholism now where I am different. I'm an Irish alcoholic Methodist. There aren't many of us around. I was born and raised in New Jersey, went to school in Philadelphia, came to California cadets. In 1943 I was cadet adjunct at Victorville Air Base when Apple Valley was known for the dude ranches and bombing ranges which meant I got every weekend off. And one weekend one of my friends suggested we go to a dude ranch in Apple Valley because all the racks went there for the weekend. I thought that was a great idea. And we went, and I met the owner's niece. And she was a snoozy little twit. And she didn't think I was too whippy. So we spent the weekend ignoring each other. And six weeks later, we got married. And four months later, four or five months later I was overseas for a year or so. So on the 4th of July, 1945 I got out of the Army Air Corps, a 22-year-old hotshot captain who wants mail available. And nobody wanted me. And six months later with a pregnant wife and no money, I went to work at RCA in Los Angeles in a warehouse for $153 a month. And I figured my life was over. I drank more than that in the officer's club at 35 cents a drink. But two years later those people said to me, you're a salesman. And I said, that's wonderful. And for the first time in my life, I thought I'd die and go into heaven. Because I thought of how you got ahead at least of that company. Every Friday night, you go to a local saloon, you drink early times, and you play large poker with the sales manager. And I was off and running. Just flying. I'm one of these clowns that alcohol took all the way to the top and beat us more than 25 years and all the bottom less than two. Eight years later, I was the sales manger and everybody was drinking with me. In 1959, I started my own business. I became a manufacturer's rep in the electronics business just when stereo and hi-fi started to boom. And by 1965, I had 12 employees making money fast enough that I could spend it. Just flying! And people started telling me I drank too much. Stupid people! Like my wife, my partner, my preacher, my kids, my neighbors, other employees, all the heroes it took to fly in my world. And that's why I became a boy breaker. I spent the next few years in the bars and it was wonderful. Except for the last year or so when I hit 12 or 14 different bars every day so no one group of people knew I drank so much. I feel sorry for people that get sober at our coalition house without having had a tenure in some of the finer bars in the world. I only populated the bars visited by the world leaders and giants of industry. We ran the road from Michael's on the Santa Ana freeway. And if we had a problem without a solution, we just had another drink and a guy could remember the answer and it was wonderful. In the end, I used to start my mornings out a lovely little upholstered sewer down to the railroad tracks in Fullerton called the Melody Inn. I don't have to tell you what that looks like. I don' know how many of you stood in the bar at 6-3 in the morning, guys putting their money in the drawer. All of a sudden he sees you sitting there and says, Oh hi Chuck, would you like a drink? Oh, I donno. and by the time the second double stays down you're looking around thinking my god, every time I come here the same people are here they really got a problem and I'm in that sewer five or six times a week and I'd hit two or three more of those before I get to my office at nine o'clock and my partner would call my wife and say I think Chuck's drunk and my wife would say at nine O'clock don't be ridiculous It's coming out of his ears from last night And then it'll ask me at 11, 11.30 When I can go have the businessman's lunch Six double Manhattan's with a bowl of onion soup Unless I was on a diet I'd have a shrimp cocktail And then at last we go 3 o'clock When I get stuck my way back out to St. Outer Freeway Stop at six or seven different bars So no one group of people know I drank too much 1967, one Friday night with my wife hollering at me and my brother-in-law sitting there drinking Manhattan with me and after about the third Manhattan he looked at me and says you know Chuck you really ought to go to Alcoa's and Amos those people did me a lot of good in 1957 and I called Seth Gloves in Santa Ana and I talked to his town for a while and suddenly he suggested he send two guys out to my house I thought my God he doesn't know where I live what do the neighbors think I guess I envision two men driving up the 38 Ford I said, well just tell me where the meetings are He said, oh there's three good meetings a week in Fullerton That was 20 years ago I guess it was over 50 and I was just in Fullerten I said I can't go to meetings in Fullerton I might see somebody No! So I started going to meetings at Danaheim Club And I went to meetings at Daniham Club 3 or 4 nights a week for 6 or 7 months And never had a sip Because I haven't quit drinking when I go to the meeting smash your head smash and sit there and listen to all the things people are supposed to listen to all the thing that never happened to me never been divorced never been arrested never been in jail never lost a job only had two jobs in my life going on my own business because I was going with my wife I made her go with me I made it go with my life I made a girl with me that turned out to be a tactical error one Friday night they were talking about sponsors and I figured that's where I'd missed it. So I walked up to some guy and asked him to be my sponsor. App smashed. And he looked at me and said shut up, sit down and don't drink for 30 days. I said screw you, split and never went back. The next three or four years everything they promised me would happen to me happened to me. All the things that could never happen to be happened to me. Started getting arrested, started going to jail, started going home. It's real nice when you're a 45 year old big shut. And the highway patrol drives up to your house on a Friday night in July with all the neighbors out on the lawn, and they handcuff you in your car and haul you both away. And you don't know why. And they put you on an Orange County Sheriff's bus, shackled into a bunch of dopers. And all of a sudden the dopers smell you and they say, hey man I'm going to get a juicer on the bus tonight. I'd be happy with 45, we don't have big shots, but it happened to me. You know, that judge told my wife in 1971 that I was a scourge in the face of human society and as soon as she dumped my ass, the better off her whole family would be. And two years ago, my black belt Al-Anon, my Alateen granddaughter and I spoke at a family meeting, a convention. and I'm sitting on that stage listening to my wife and my granddaughter talk and I thought where's that judge now where is that bum I've got to tell you about this Al-Anon she pulled one hair the night that I just absolutely fell out of the chair 14 and a half years ago I had a dexter but this time I laughed my head off you know the one thing you have to say about Al-Ans they forgive but they never forget The year before I got sober, I came home one time and my wife would be leaving these pamphlets around about this hospital of tourism of alcoholism, the old Raleigh Hills, pre-ship days. And I went down there and put myself in that place. And I was in the hospital an hour, and a nurse walked in my room and said, What's your favorite drink? And I said, 80 times. And she brought me a water glass of 80 times I thought, now here's a hospital on stage people I didn't know it was an evasion hospital where they pour the hot booze down you make you puke They put you in a room the size of a good sized closet sitting in a barber chair with a big tub in front of you And I got the best stock bar in Orange County And in a period of 45 minutes you drink up to 2 quarts of hot mixed booze. And that's all shit kids. They start me out with 4 hot Manhattans, 5 hot scotch and sodas, 3 hot beers, 3 hot martinis, 200 proof Chinese red wine, wonderful stuff. All hot and all mixed. And obviously the more you drink the more puke. In this big bucket they give you and the more your puke the more the nurse pats you on the back and tells you how well you're getting. And when you get out, they give me a card that says, recovered alcoholic. And on the back it says, in case of emergency, do not administer ether. I put myself in that hospital seven times that year. Never occurred to me to stop drinking. My only problem was that I was an over-sex social drinker who drank too much sometimes. When I was in my second year of sobriety, I was at a meeting with two of my hoods that were beaten so bad to beat. And a lawyer from Whittier was talking. And he spent a great deal of time that night on the second step. And by that time I was ready to admit I was a lot of things but certainly not insane. And this guy said before you can be restored to sanity, you have to be insane. And I hit my friend and said see that step doesn't apply to me. And I was in my second year. They looked at me and said, I don't know too many sane people that have been in a puny hospital seven times in one year. I could spend an hour on that one. Anyway, to get on with it in title like Drunk Alive, I can tell you about my last week of drinking which will tell you all about me. Everything there is to know. On Monday I ripped apart the bank where I'd banked for a lot of years because they were dousing my checks. Not because I didn't have any money but because they couldn't read them. thought that was ridiculous. On Tuesday, I'm told I threw a chair through my attorney's window because I found out my attorney was hailing her divorce. I thought that was the silliest thing I'd ever heard. Nobody including me or Al-Anon remembers Wednesday. On Thursday, I fell off the stage in front of 300 customers at a luncheon in downtown Los Angeles. And on Friday, June 29th, 1973, I come out of what I now understand to be a blackout in one of my favorite saloons over near Disneyland, drinking double martinis with six people I didn't know and I was buying. And now you know what you look at that. Arrogant, egotistical big shot. And I'm going to stay in that saloon thinking this is ridiculous. Not that I'm buying these six Yahoo's drinks that I don't even know with my wife and 29 years is splitting. So I decided to split. I had no idea where I was going, probably Phoenix. That was always one of my favorite drinking towns. And I went to the bank to get some money, and I was too late. My partner, my wife, and Al-Anon had already been there. So at home to get my clothes, and Venus and I have been next door to the Methodist Parsons in Fullerton for, God, 32 years now. Fourteen different preachers had me for a neighbor during those years. But the guy was there to help start the alcoholic ward at St. Jude's Hospital in Fullerton. And he used to talk to me over the fence about this great alcoholic ward they had at St.-Jude's. And I used to say to him, that's nice, John. I'm glad they did that for those people, but not me. Anyway, somehow or other, I guess my wife and her girlfriend got him over to the house and he talked me into going to St. Jude's that night about 6 o'clock and apparently I agreed to go if I could have one more water glass of vodka because by that time I'd switched from early times to vodka because we all know vodka doesn't smell it just comes out your ears I'm told about the time we got to the hospital apparently I changed my mind it's only a few minutes from my house I took a swing at the preacher in the admitting room I broke the nurse's wrist the first time I was there and they tried to give me those detox shots in the butt. So I arrived at St. Jude's Alcoholic Ward on June 29, 1973 at what I hope is the height of my pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. So vividly discussed in Chapter 3. And I woke up the next day thinking what the heck am I doing here? I'm not Catholic or I'm non-alcoholic why am I in this place? And then I found out while you're there you have to go to three meetings a day. Three or eight meetings a night. Two a day in the hospital and out every night. I thought, that's ridiculous. I tried it. It didn't work. But I stayed. You don't have to stay. There are bars in the windows and doors. But when I got out, I told people why I stayed I stayed to get my wife to cancel her third attempt at divorce. I stayed for my partners to buy me out instead of throwing me out like they should have two years before. I stayed here to get the law off my back, get my kids off my neck, get my other neighbors, just get people off my NEC. I went to meet the first person in 14 and a half years a guy that gets up in the morning and says what a nice day I think I'll quit drinking and join our boys in Amos don't act that way we all come here to get the heat off at least I did today I understand why I stayed that day I couldn't take one more day of Chuck and didn't know it I couldn' hurt one more person and didn' know it I couldn'' tell one more lie and didn''t want him to die I really was sick and tired of being sick and tired and didn '' know it I didn't have another day of drinking left. Not one lousy day. So I went to their study three days a day. I didn' t have any great spiritual experiences. I didn''t see any burning bushes or hear any voices. I was sober quite a few years before I had my first real spiritual experience. I got to hear my wife give her first hour long Al-Anon talk. I don't care who it is, I'll tell you. I sat there saying, I didn ''t know she was married before. I started to tell you, a couple of months ago, I was watching a late movie. And Venus was on the couch reading and she fell asleep, I thought. And right in the middle of this movie, here comes a shit commercial. And this lady says to her husband, I'm leaving. Why are you leaving? I can't handle your drinking. I try to quit, I can. Why don't you call Schick? I don't need any more counseling. They have a medical cure. How long does it take? ten days and a couple of two-day follow-ups. And he grabs our hand and says, Okay, honey, let's call Shaq. And my quiet little 15-year-old Al-Anon black belt wife came up off the couch when I thought she was sound asleep, looked at the TV set and said, Call him yourself, you son of a bitch. I don't think she's talked like that in 10 times in the years we've been married I started to have a whole series of coincidences happen to me in that hospital Which still happen to be on a daily basis, thank goodness For example, that first Saturday night in that house I was full of all the things new people are supposed to be full of hate, anger, fear, self-pity and remorse and I was sitting in my room overcome with every one of those and this cute little thing walks in my womb and she says hi, I'm Virginia you're out holding driver I said what do you want kid she said I'm taking the AA meeting I said not me or not get out and the man got me by the ear and said get in the car and they called me to a Saturday night speaker meeting in Fullerton and I thought my god if I say bye now I'm going to die I knew eight people I was so impressed that someone flushed me down the toilet never occurred to me why those eight people were sitting there never occurred to me and this guy spoke that night, I don't remember what he said I just remember he said he had five years of drive, I didn't believe that and he started to tell my story and all these people were laughing and I didn' t see anything funny I didn''t see anything funny the next night was even more amazing they called me to a Sunday night discussion meeting which I still go to quite often there's usually 30-40 people at that thing and there were only 12 that night because it was a 4th of July weekend and I walked in that room and two of those 12 people were 15 year drinking friends of mine and I couldn't believe what in the world they were doing there I hadn't seen them for a while in their hangouts I wondered where they were so at the public break I walked up to one of them I said, what are you doing here? I've got a hospital band on. I have to be here." He said, Chuckie, alcohol brought me to my knees and I had to do something about it. And I said, Well come on Merrill, you're in more alcohol than I am. And everybody laughed. Everybody laughed when I got my first major resentment in my life. I came to Alcoholics Anonymous never having had a resentment. Never! I knew how to get around resentments before they ever got started. and they're gone there wasn't anybody or anything I couldn't make disappear with a couple of double Manhattan's gone I came back home and I was in no character defects and 14 and a half years later I have 7 or 8 which is a heck of a lot better than the 22 I discovered in my second year of sobriety you know it took me about 8 or 9 months of sobrietty to become an alcoholic and as compared to my social dreaming I think it's interesting since since I've become an alcoholic I haven't found it necessary to drink any booze swallow any pills or smoke any funny non-hypophobic cigarettes anyway I walked over to the other guy and what are you doing here and this clown put his arm around me said sit down check if it's going to be alright and I thought my god what did they do to him he put his arms around me but then I found out one of these guys was sober two months and the other was sober five months and that blew me away, I couldn't believe it so these two guys and two or three others started a merry program, beating this program to me I've had this program beat, shoved, rammed pounded in every section of my body and still get it on a daily basis, thank goodness for example they told me there were three rules in alcoholics and amas and thank God I believed them in the beginning they told you go to a meeting every day and you don't drink, you read a big book every day and you talk to another alcoholic every day and you don't drink. And if you do those sweet things and don't Drink, you might not get drunk. And if You Don't Get Drunk, Your Life Might Get Better. And when I got out of hospital, every night for 90 days, every stinking night for 90 Days, at 7.30, I broke out in a cold sweat. Because every night at 730, my phone would ring and here's one of these clowns. Hiya Chuck, how are you? Wonderful. What are the parts of your big books you read today? I only read at night. What alcohol did you talk to today? I'm talking to you. What meeting are you going to tonight? I haven't made up my mind. And then hang up the phone and come get me at home in these meetings, night after night after night. I want one of these true victims of bringing the body and giving the mind a chance to catch up. I went to over 200 meetings where I faced 90 days sobriety by the back of my neck. Come with us boy. At the time of these meetings they shoved my phone book in people's face. Hey put your phone on Chuck's book he's a sick mother he's gonna need your help. And I'd yank my book and say, what do I want his phone number for? He's a truck driver. I'd like to talk about that today because I have two sponsors today. One of these clowns will have 40 years here in another month and a half. The other one has 27 years. And one of them is a used car salesman. And the other one is a retired mailman. but in my life and thank God they are because they both know me better than I'll ever know myself because the guy is dead now by the name of Jack Higgins oh I didn't finish this story on the 91st day nobody called me on the 94th day nobody called 7.30 20 minutes to 8 10 minutes to 9 nobody called so at 10 minutes 8 on my 91st night of sobriety I did an amazing thing I called one of them what's the matter don't you love me anymore and they said hey boy we've called you everywhere it is we got newer ones to haul you want it you come get it and they hung up and I thought is that what they mean by we care so my 91st day of sobriety I go to my first meeting with my colleagues and I was by myself absolutely petrified because I had ripped every soul in every meeting never missed a person and I knew if I walked to that meeting without my usual two or three bodyguards excuse me those people would throw me through the window but I probably got the courage and I walked in and three or four of them come heading at me one lady swinging her purse and I go here we go and they stuck out their hand and said hi Chuck nice to see you and that fear went away it's never returned hasn't been easy but nobody ever told me it would be my sponsor Mike Ross is here tonight Mike's going to be sober 40 years I've known him almost 30 years I knew him 5 years before I realized he didn't drink go on the cocktail party with him when I got sober I said to my wife Mike she said why don't you call Mike Mike has 25 years, why don'T you call Mike says I don't want to see that SOB so somebody was around 3 or 3 months sober Venus and I walked into Saturday night meeting in Fullerton and Michael's the speaker and I spotted him I said my God honey let's get out of here before he sees me and he spotted me and in front of all these 150 people in Fulleton that I'm still hiding from he gets up there and Michael says my God Chuck Harper I've been carrying his application for five years then he gets me with Eddie Riggin which I'm sure some of you knew little Eddie Riglin puffy like this Hey, kid, you want to quit giggling on an all-time basis? Jesus, Eddie, I have to. Slam me to the wall and say, wrong answer. Hey, Kid, are you an alcoholic? That's what they tell me, Eddie. Slamme me to a wall and I'll say, Wrong Answer. Eight months old, I'm out of Radford Street. I raise my hand at a discussion meeting. Eddie says to Mike, Look at the kid, he's got his head up. What do you have your head up for? I said, I want to tell these people about me They know all about you You're a drunken loser Shut up, sit down and save your life If you sober less in a year Your lips are moving, you're lying God, it took me a long time To understand that one In October of 1973 Let's see July, August, September Four months sober Eddie and Mike Home to the Southern California Convention Anaheim Stadium Anaheaim Convention Center 5,000 people. I met 4,852 of them. This is Chuck Harp, he's an alcoholic. This is Chuck, he is an alcoholic, and finally I looked at him back and said, hey, I thought everyone could say I was an alcoholic? He said if you deny that, he ain't gonna believe you or me. There's a guy that's dead now that I owe an awful lot to. A guy by the name of Jack Higgins used to come out to our men's tag and phone on Thursday nights. Well, I met Jack. He was in his 70s. Five foot nothing. 120 pounds soaking wet. 25 years sober. Retired Navy captain. Commander out of it. Tough as nails. Almost every Thursday night. Every Thursday night for over two years that old man got me under the tree after the meeting. for another 15 minutes. I'd be running down the driveway to my car and he'd tap me on the shoulder and say, I'm a drink kid. Six months later he looks at me and says, when are you going to get into the program, boy? I said, my God, Jack, I haven't had a drink for six months. What do you want from me? He said, alcoholism now is not how to quit drinking. Anybody can quit drinking and smack a cop who won't drink for 90 days. Alcoholism now is learning how to live without drinking. And I said you're crazy. He said I assure him that you're crazier. He said, I haven't seen you fold a chair, wash the ashtrays, clean the cups, scrub the floor, pick and be a secretary, get in another group. I said, wait a minute. He said don't tell me wait a moment. Boy, you're going to let me do what I tell you. And he wasn't even my sponsor. I can't tell you why, but I became secretary of one group, started mopping the floors, folding the chairs, got in a group, got in H&I, started going to jail, started going into hospitals. I didn't know what the heck I was doing, but my life got better. On my first birthday, I said tonight he'll leave me alone. It's my birthday. Tassie, I'm going to show us another drink, kid. I said, now what? He said, when are you going to get in the program, boy? I said my God, Jack, I haven't had a drink for a year. What do you want from me? He said you're not working the steps. You're going to be drunk. And I caused him to have a hilarious convulsion on the ground when I said to him, Jack I have worked them all but four and five. and he fell on the ground I picked him up and he says and I got that speech from the forward of book Alcoge and I was these are the stories of a hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind abiding their purpose to tell you precisely how they recovered he looked at me and says it does not say in chapter 5 half measures availed as 50% so don't say that you work the steps in order boy your life will get better and somewhere in my second year sobriety, I started wearing the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in order and my life got better. Now they didn't know why. Probably the best he ever got me was right after my second birthday, just before he died. When I was in St. Jude's Sister Joan gave us all one of those 20 question cards one day, are you an alcoholic, yes or no? And I threw mine on the floor. I told her to take that test a year before my wife had called me and said, come here, they're having a test in Channel 4 for drunks. And Channel 4 sat there and read those 20 questions and I sat there with my early times in water and got 20 no's. As any good prescient alcoholic should. Do you have a problem with drinking? No, I get all I want. Is alcohol causing a problem in your home life? Not mine. It is, baby, but not mine. And since you go and pick that card up and fold it over to the bottom part where it says you get three yeses you're a basket case. You should take the test, Chucky and try and be honest. And the first time I took that test without any sense of honesty I got 18 yeses. and I laughed about that for over two years and just before he died Jack got me out of the tree for the last time and he said hey boy I'm sick and tired of listening to you talk about the 18 yeses let's talk about The Two No's and The Two Nos turned out to be lies not lies at the time because when I got sober I didn't know Chuck not lies in the time because when i got sober i didn't know that alcohol is not never was my problem Alcohol was my solution to my problem, Chuck That's the day most people run in this program when they can't handle that fact So Jack and I stood there and discussed the two no's One of them's comical, one of them sad One of em' was Do you crave a drink at a certain time daily? And I'd put no cause I drank all day And the other was Has alcohol caused you to seek lower companions or inferior environment? And I put no I drink it the best plush line soon as all over this country And an old man looked at me and said, Hey boy, by your own admission in your last six months of drinking, you drank alone and you can't get any lower than that. But all you have left is yourself. That's as low as you can go. My God, isn't that a terrible thing to get hit in the face with? Two years sober. But that's the miracle about colleagues in the office. The truth only hurts once if you let it. I had quite an experience. when I got sober I had a six year old granddaughter I wasn't allowed to see she wasn't around near me and I wasn' t around near her by the time I was two years sober and Tracy was eight she was coming to spend the weekend with us and I was very excited and I came home on a Friday night to one of those lovely two hour drives from the L.A. airport to Fullerton on a Fridays night in a wonderful mood and I come over into the house and Tracy was sitting on the floor reading and I plopped out of my chair and my Al-Anon says to me, aren't you going to your meeting tonight? That's on page 83 of the Al-ANON book. My wife knows that Friday night step study is where I discovered the enemy and it's still one of my favorite meetings. And I said, not tonight, I'm too tired. And that eight year old got up off the floor climbed up my lap and kissed me on the cheek and said, I love you since you quit drinking, Papa. had a rip your belly button. I don't have to tell you what I did. I flew out of that stupid chair and I went to that Friday night step study meeting and I told those people what had happened to me. And we sat there and laughed and cried and laughed and cried about the miracle of alcoholics and analysts in Al-Anon. Tracy's 21 now going on 35 one of those. But when she was 11 or 12 she came by the house one night and said, Grandpa! She was in her first year of junior high school. She said, Grandpa, our health teacher She said, next week I'm going to study drug abuse and alcoholism. I said, that's wonderful, honey. She said we're going to have outside speakers. I said that's marvelous. She says, I raised my hand and told the teacher my grandpa's an alcoholic. He'll talk. And I told him my wife was going to drop her pants. And she looks at me with those big black eyes. She says you will come talk to my friends, won't you, Grandpa? And my aunt announces, say no to that one, big shot. and I had the time of my life there were 32 kids in that class and that teacher had them all write out one question they could ask me and they signed their names anonymously boy person, girl person and I told those kids that alcoholism was a disease that was an allergy to their body coupled with the obsession in their mind along with a spiritual deficiency and it was incurable like cancer it was arrestable like diabetes and the way you arrested it is you didn't drink one day at a time. And I told the people that had the best record of not drinking one day all the time were the men and women of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I said to them, the men or women of alcoholics anonymous are a group of men and woman that love each other back to health and sanity if you let them. But that was the hard part. Let another human being get inside. And those kids ate it up. And I sat there and answered those 32 questions to the best of my ability. You can all write them out in 10 minutes. You know what those kids asked me. Boy person. Is it true what my dad says? You can't be an alcoholic if you only drink beer? Girl person, my mama has three martinis in a joint for dinner and passes out. Is she an alcoholic? On and on, it was incredible. I walked out of that school eight feet tall. The next night, Tracy Ann came by and brought me 32 handwritten thank you notes from those kids. And V.S. High sat in the patio and laughed and cried and laughed and cried like we haven't many times since and reading those 32 notes. dear Mr. Harper you were funny when you was drunk I'm glad you ain't drunk no more little 11 year old girl wrote dear Mr Harper I'm lucky my mama doesn't drink but my grandmother does I think I'll give her your phone number 12 year old boy wrote something I hope I'll never forget anymore I don't think I love her drink but I think if I think about drinking I'll think about you ain't that something But nine years sober, I had to go to Japan on a 10-day business trip with 100 customers. And I was really looking forward to it because I had a whole list of comedies to go to in Tokyo. We were in Tokyo five days. And I never got to any of the comedies in Tokyo because I work every night. And on the fifth night they had a banquet in one of these outrageously gorgeous outdoor Japanese gardens. gardens. It was the most immaculate thing I've ever been to in my life. They had food from seven different countries on seven different banquet tables. And if you're new or nearly new and you don't hear the laughter in this program, and you know hear the dignity, self-respect and sense of humor that God returns to us in these meetings, listen to this story. Each one of these banquet tables had a huge ice sculptor on it. Eagles, seagulls, lions. It was gorgeous. During the middle of this meeting, the president of our company from here, this Japanese come here, walks up to me and says, Chuck-san, pretty soon we drink toast to chairman. I said, I know. He said, we drink hot sake from wooden cup. I say, I don't know. He said you drink hot saki? Now they knew I didn't drink. I just never tried to explain how hoisin amas to them. And I said you're the son. You know I won't do that. And he stayed on me. I mean to make a long story short pretty soon he walked up to him and he says, Chuck-son you do not drink hot sake from a wooden cup and chairman discovers this he will be insulted and I cannot predict your future with this company now I don't know why but as our friend John Ackland says the devil got into me and I don' t know what possessed me to say this but I looked at him and I said ok Yoda-san I'll tell you what I'll do I'll drink you hot sake from that wooden cup for two hours in 22 Manhattan so now when I shove that frozen seagull up the chairman's ass Don't come crying to me. And he goes, oh. You bring seven up. I said, I think so. As Paul says, if you're having trouble with God, bar mind do you find yours? Because listen to the rest of the story. On the 10th night we were in Kyoto and I was an absolute raving maniac. I didn't know why. Nine and a half years sober. I had my God, I had My books, I have my literature and everything with me and I WAS CRAZY! And didn't KNOW WHY! I was discovered it was because I had never been away from YOU for ten days. That's why I was crazy. So what do you do when you're crazy? get on your knees and they said you better why don't you pray for it and they made it because I got on my knees at 10th night in Kyoto and I told God I'm going crazy do something and the next day we were at a Buddhist shrine in Kyoto and they had a Shinto Buddhist fortune telling priest all my customers buggered me to go have my fortune told and I'm gonna read it to you it's very short 8,000 miles from home God says you want help boy here it comes what you do is you clap your hands three times to awaken the gods and then you bow three times to get their attention and then you throw a few yen at this Shinto priest and it's a wild two minute orgasm fireworks bugles drums snakes it's just a wild two minute thing 8,000 miles from home this British Shinto Priest read me my fortune and it reads you will have great assistance you will Have divine assistance so that all troubles depart and only happiness remains if you are earnest sincere help the weak comfort the poor and if you are prudent, upright, and humble all will go as you wish. Now if that isn't the best one sentence version of the Twelve Steps I've never heard it. However, it goes on to say BUT! If you succumb to fleshly pleasures or drunkenness suffering will result. 1983 was a heck of a year for me in March of 1983 a lot of people lost a lot money because I lived to see 60. In June of 1983, I got to celebrate 10 years of glorious sobriety in A&A. And in November of 1983 that squirrely little black girl on and out of mine who had the audacity to try and divorce me three times in my last two years of drinking she and I went to the AA convention in Hawaii to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. And I told her by the grace of God the program that I call Exonomous and people like you that I love so much. Thank you very much for having me.