The Training Wheels on the AA Bike – Sandy B. 😆

Okay. Well, good afternoon everybody. Welcome to another Club Med Sober Vacations Workshops. My name is Sandy Beach and I'm an alcoholic. Why don't we start this out with a moment of silence followed by the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serentity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Well, I want to thank Steve for inviting me to do this. This is titled Maintaining Our Spiritual Condition, and I'm sure we'll get something in that neighborhood. I do these things pretty extemporaneously, and then I find out later on that it was close to the subject, but I always find it entertaining for myself, and I hope it is for you all. For some unknown reason, what first comes into my mind, there's a pamphlet called The Member's Eye View of Alcoholics Anonymous. Been around for years. It used to have a big eyeball on the front, and then General Service decided it needed a new cover. So I don't recognize it anymore. But if you haven't read it, it was written by a guy named McGinnis who was giving a lecture to the American Medical Association. And they wanted to know all about Alcoholics Anonymous. And it's a rather lengthy pamphlet, but this is his talk explaining AA. And it is the only pamphelet that someone wrote like that and then submitted to the General Service Board for editing that was not changed in any fashion. So it is really amazing. If you want to read a very good pamphet about describing AA, that's it. Now in that pamphlet He has this very short section And it kind of made me think about what I wanted to talk about today He got talking about It must have been popular to say back then That if you just attended a lot of meetings Something would rub off And he said This is what rubs off Death you sit at the meetings while mental, physical and spiritual rigamortis sets in because that's a plan of no action that is a plan of trying to survive and achieve spirituality on somebody else's work and so you go there And I think it's possible to stay sober that way, where you have just allowed the excitement of the meetings and the people in it and all of that to sort of buoy us up to a certain level and just coast along on that amount of spirituality. It's almost like we're riding on the shoulders of others. but as time goes on you might be in the program and allow that to go on for 8 or 10 years there comes a realization that maybe we're missing something that the fundamental program was designed to give you as an individual they say sometimes that all AA promises is sobriety oh really? how about reading the promises what do they offer. Boy, you read those. We read them at meetings all the time. There's a, wow, that's like the world. You read those promises, that is like the word. The world. And so there's obviously a huge jackpot for each individual that becomes a seeker. You know when they read chapter 5, the last word in what we read is sought. Remember it says, A, we're alcoholic, couldn't manage our own lives. B, no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. And then I used to think it said, and God would and could. And there's three more words. If he were sought, there are four more words and so seeking is a key word in achieving the rewards that Alcoholics Anonymous have in my opinion and so seeking what is seeking you know what does that mean the first time I came across that word was um in grammar school and we played hide and seek I think it's the first Time I thought what does seek mean and they said well this guy's going to go hide you hide your eyes and then you go seek him and I saw that I was very excited by that game and I came out and they said ready, get set, go and my enthusiasm would last about three minutes but if I didn't find them in three minutes I just said to hell with them come on out that's about it that's my maximum seeking capacity as far as this is concerned so now when somebody else hid then I was renewed my seeking was fired up again and it was good for three minutes. And then it was, you know, enough of the seeking. There's nothing there to hell with it. But it got escalated later on when my mother explained Easter baskets and that they would be hidden and there was a pound of assorted chocolate in there that would be mine if I properly could find it. And I think that seeking would sometimes go up as high as 10 or 11 minutes. And then I'd be going, am I cold? Am I hot? Am I close? And I was starting to lose interest even in this chocolate. You know what I'm saying? It's hard to sustain a level of seeking that is necessary to find the chocolate. It would eventually wane. and I would stop being a seeker and be looking for something else to do. But there was one occasion when I think I experienced what this is talking about here and that was, I think it was probably about 12 or 13 years old and we had had a golden retriever for four or five years that was worshipped by every member of the family and he ran away and I remember coming home from school and asking my mother where he was and she said, I don't know, he just ran away went in those woods and we've called we've searched and we can't find him and so for the next couple of weeks, every time there was a spare moment, the family would get in the car and would drive around looking for this dog and even after that, I mean years would go by and when I was home I would go over to those woods. It may have been a hopeless search, but I'd stand there going, maybe he'll come out. My heart was seeking something very, very important, obviously much more important than hide-and-seek or the chocolates, was I wanted that dog in my life. I wanted what he meant to me and the comfort and all of that. And to me, that is somewhere in the vicinity of what our higher power could mean to us. To make a decision, to be a seeker, and to find that part of us that wants to be found is screaming out to be found and that is missing and we know it's missing and it was fixed when we drank and it wasn't fixed when it got sober and the steps are designed to fix it and going to meetings and getting excited by other people's programs is a temporary fix, but the underlying problem will only be fixed when you personally make this connection that is described on page 25. I'm just going to read a few excerpts as I go along, but sometimes we see these sentences. I don't know about you, but I guess everybody. You know, you read the big book again and you go, wow, I didn't see the significance of that, and I didn'T see the significance of this. and anyway Bill is writing in there is a solution if I can find the page here it is and he's describing our resistance to the solution. He said there is a solution then he says almost none of us like the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confessions of our shortcomings, which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. And that can apply if we've been around for a number of years. We suddenly realize we've ben at the same level for a long time and it's losing its vitality to what is the problem. We therefore, when therefore we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet And then the next sentence, we have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. The great fact, so now what is the great fact of Alcoholics Anonymous? That we have conventions and meetings and celebrate? No, that's not the great act. is just this and nothing less, that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude towards life, towards our fellows, and towards God's universe. The central fact of our life today is the, and this is what I really want to emphasize, The absolute certainty that our creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do for ourselves. If you're seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. So I like to think about that. In other words, what is the prize of Alcoholics Anonymous? It is the absolute certainty for us as an individual that our creator has entered our hearts and lives there in a way which is indeed miraculous. If that hasn't happened, it may be that we just haven't sought enough. And it could just be right over there. I mean, it may be just one more reach for that actual experience to happen to us as an individual. And so it's in that sense that when we talk about maintaining our spiritual condition, that's the condition that we're talking about. And Bill calls it a spiritual experience, a spiritual awakening. Whatever you want to call it, that is what we're taking about. So I guess what I'm talking about today is when we look at the 12th step and it says, having had a spiritual awakening as the result. So in other words, what is the point of doing all the steps to have that spiritual awakening? So having had that spiritual awakening, then we try to carry the message to others and practice these principles which will enable us to maintain that. So I remember the question came up. It was kind of an interesting thing. Well, where does the spiritual awakening occur? You know, where does it? Well, I think it's described most accurately in the promises. If you want to see what a spiritual awakening is like, just look at those promises because all of those verbs are spiritual verbs. They're not something that a psychiatrist would say or a psychologist would say or a pragmatic person would say. In other words, we go, what is the core problem for alcoholics? Self-centeredness. Self-centeredness is the root of all our problems. Self-seeking is the heart of all of us. It's one of our problems and then you look in the promises. How do we solve this self-seaking? Oh, don't worry, it's going to slip away. Slip away? What about my panic about money and I feel so insecure? Oh, don't worry. That's going to leave you. Fear of people and economic insecurity has been with me all my life. What do they do? They have a little meeting some night. And they go, we're tired of hanging around this guy. Let's leave. And they're gone. You see what I'm saying? There's no explanation. They're just gone. So how does this happen? What is all of this? It is a process that occurs when the steps are thoroughly taken. There is nothing beyond it or anything. This is the process, and there it is in the ninth step when we finally have gone through all of the early steps and have come up and have made that last amend so that the past is no longer one of our burdens. We have dealt with that thing to the best of our ability and are free to enter, for the first time in our lives, the tenth step, which is the now. And we find out that this power greater than ourselves, well, it says in the tenth steps in the big book, right after the promises, is this sentence. We are now entering the world of the spirit. We're now entering the world of the spirit. And we start seeing spiritual lease spoken. I think the promise is, I was telling somebody, we ought to have a sign outside of AA meeting, spiritually spoken here. Because that spiritual lease is self-seeking will slip away. That's spiritual lease. You go, slip away? How does that happen? And then later on, let's see if I can find this page real quick. Bill is talking about our drinking. now that we're talking about it in spiritual lease. Remember what it says about our drinking in step 10, right up to the promises? For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. We will seldom be interested. Now is that an unusual thing for an alcoholic? like? What does it feel like to be sober? You're going to seldom be interested in liquor. Oh, really? I don't think so. I don' t think that's going to happen to me. I mean, how could I seldom be interested? Oh, yes, you will. If tempted, we'll recoil as if from a hot flame. We will react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude towards liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. See, this is spiritual lease. This is not where you can do anything. This is you doing a thing. It's just been given to you. It's a gift that is handed to us, like the spiritual awakening. But as Bill says in the 12th step when he's discussing this spiritual awakening, we prepare ourselves to receive it. That is what the steps do. It reminds me of somebody who moves out in the country and he goes to the post office and he said, I want to start having my mail delivered to such and such a street. And they go, well, out here you have to dig a hole in the ground and put a post in and put up this sized mailbox and then we will drive up and put the thing in the mailbox. The guy said, hey man, I haven't got time to be doing that. Just throw it on the lawn. And then he gets no mail and if he's a self-centered alcoholic like the rest of us, he thinks people stopped writing him. And he gets this rejection feeling and what he did he didn't prepare himself to receive the mail and so if we don't prepare ourselves to have this spiritual gift given to us it's easy to conclude that there's no such thing as a spiritual gift well i've been coming around here a long time no higher powers come into my life and done any of this stuff so as far as i'm concerned there's not such thing as the higher power you see what i'm saying i remember saying that i mean yeah You people may have had it happen, but it hasn't happened to me. I knew God didn't like me ever since I was a little kid. The nuns told me that, told me I was piece of crap. And so it's kind of bearing this out. And I hadn't done the homework in order to have this awakening and these things happen. So Bill goes on to say we will find this has happened automatically. It has been given to us, this new attitude, without any effort on our part. It just comes. That's the miracle of it. So all of this spiritual ease is miracle. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. Here's one of my favorite lines. We feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality. This is what surprises you. You've just been lifted up and placed into this position of neutrality, safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. This is all spiritual solutions. That's what it looks like. The problem is just removed. It isn't figured out. There's no revenge. There's No Retribution. There's nothing. It just is lifted out when you have a resentment lifted out. And after it's lifted out, you go, I wonder why I was resentful in the first place. You've been set free from it rather than a human solution of getting even or whatever it is. It is all spiritual lease. Instead, the problem is it doesn't exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That's how we react as long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. and then he goes on to say it's easy to let up on this spiritual program of action and rest in our laurels we are headed for trouble if we do for alcohol is a subtle foe we are not cured of alcoholism what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition and that's what we're talking about today the maintenance of our spirit of our individual condition why would that be hard if it is so enjoyable to have this freedom and to have this way of having problems just lifted up, taken off our shoulders I got this terrible problem hey God, would you mind lifting this off my shoulder be glad to, how does it feel oh it feels wonderful, thank you why don't we just do that all the time that's why we're here think about that, why wouldn't we do that all the time. So I'll give you an analogy. Let's suppose that instead of all the steps, the program consisted of this. You come in here and you go, you're a bad, oh yeah, I'm a bad alcohol. You do anything to be, oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, we have a path to happiness. It's a bike path. And here's your AA bike. And as long as you ride this bike down this AA path, you will have one day after another of serenity and your life is all planned for you by a power greater than yourself that lays out the path every day. All you do is ride that bike along and that's your total responsibility. And you go, I love it! What a deal! That's freedom, man. Now as you're getting on the bike it's a two-wheel bike you notice it has training wheels. It bothers your ego a little bit, but you don't say anything. You go, this is part, yeah, the training wheels are part of the bike. Okay. So you're riding and you're enjoying life. It turns out it's absolutely true what they told you, that this is every day you ride the path and you are happy. but after you've been riding five or six years and you've never once lost your balance enough for those training wheels to kick in they start to bother you you know I look bad riding a bike with training wheels I saw those people looking at me said God he's been sober ten years he's still got training wheels on his bike guess he's not working much of a program guess who gets involved now our ego our ego can't stand god this is this is the worst thing that could happen to our ego is god i don't know if you've ever had this happen but sometimes when i'm tired i'm exhausted at night and i'll kind of jump into bed without saying my prayers and then i'll feel bad and i remember one night my ego said listen go ahead and go to sleep i'll say your prayers for you and i so i eavesdropped on my ego praying and this is his prayer he said god great creator the universe source of all love divinity it was really cool i mean This guy was really laying it on. I ask that you make us serene, that you makes us totally accepting, that you made us totally understanding and giving and loving and kind and generous. I ask you grant this to us. I ask the you bestow upon us all your blessings I ask that you give this as soon as possible because as soon as you do give it we're going to get rid of your sorry ass and we're going to run this show on our own because ever since you moved in with that alcohol deal I've noticed that you're trying to take over the whole damn territory you're muscling into lust. You're muscling into greed. You are muscling into everything. And it's pretty obvious for me to see that if you succeed, I don't exist. So I'm not going down without a fight. I just want you to know that. So we have been given the dichotomy of the human existence which is the struggle between our material side and our spiritual side. And I was kidding Steve about this. I said, where are you going to find this struggle characterized? Where do you see Bill write about it? And it's in the sixth step. And it is called The Riddle of Our Existence. And this is what I think from memory what Bill writes about. I mean, if there's any place where the full impact of the program is laid out, it's in the sixth step. We were entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character. Now everybody who comes to that step goes, and if you were to ask them, would you like that? We go, yeah. I mean, God, I don't know anybody who hasn't said yeah. Then why don't we do it? Why isn't everybody in here character defect free? Well, we take back our yes when we get into the details. It reminds me of the federal deficit. Would you like the deficit gone? Yes. Okay, we're going to raise your taxes, got your program. We're going... Oh, oh, oh. So on second thought, let's qualify this deal. It's in the specifics that we find the problem of getting entirely willing to have God remove anything. He says that the reason we're able to do this with drinking is that it's killing us. It's fatal. and even our ego has to cave in to giving up on that one totally. And so that gives us, this is where the problem comes in. Because we were able to get 100% willing to have our drinking problem removed and we humbly ask that it be removed, it was. Which proves to us that this works. if god lifted away from us if our most serious serious problem was lifted up by this process it proves to us that this works so we can no longer say well you know if you got willing to get rid of all resentment it would be it wouldn't be gone because whoever saw that happen each one of us saw it happen to our worst problem so having been given perfect proof that this, in fact, works, that it's absolutely guaranteed? Why in the world aren't we continuing and living these stress-free, completely serene lives? Well, this is what Bill calls the riddle of our existence. He says the answer may only lie in the mind of God, but he makes the guess that alcoholism is fatal so we're able to get the willingness there and the rest of our defects we're going to have to get more willing and more willing every year that it is a very difficult job and the sentence that he uses in there that applies to me and people that I sponsor we only tend to settle for as much perfection as will get us by guys you know it's like would you like to be totally honest yes I would because then you wouldn't have to lie, you wouldn'T have these cover up stories, you'd be free everything you say is your truth and you're just free with the world unfortunately I'm a businessman myself and I don't think it's possible to succeed in business and be totally honest so what I'd like to do I'd like to get a measure of honesty I want to make improvement in the honesty area I am very interested in spirituality I love the idea of the program and I do want to makesome progress in this honesty thing so what I'dlike is an honest reputation that's what I would like I'd like to be known by others as an honest person, reserving the right, of course, in rare emergency situations to screw a few people here and there in order to support my loving family. so put me down for 83% of honesty well what about lust oh that's a terrible thing haunts me, haunts me I mean it's sex, sex, sex you know I'm having a hard time giving this lecture looking at the pool but But, so yes, that is definitely a strong problem for a lot of us. Well, would you like it lifted out? Like that, remember we described, we'll put you in a position of neutrality. It'll be lifted, gone. Woo! Not even part of your life anymore. You mean like zero lust? Yeah. Zero lust. Freedom. Freedom Absolute freedom Zero lust Is that like being dead? Let's try 50% Let me see what it feels like. And then I'll move in that direction. That's what I'd like to do. I'd love to do that. I'd also like to move in the direction of lust-free. Okay, okay. Well, let's work on some of the easier ones, okay? Dr. Bob, I think in his final talk was talking about guiding the errant member of the tongue that gossip was tearing up the program. So certainly, certainly we could very simply ask God to totally remove gossip from our hearts. How does that feel? That feels wonderful. I agree. Gossip is, I mean, it is just, it is so so destructive and so well what I'd like to do is I would like to never initiate gossip for the rest of my life however if I am simply relaying something that has been started by some malicious person, I'm not judging. I'm simply relaying something that is passing through with no malice, no nothing. I may reserve, especially if it's juicy, to be a relayer once in a while. Okay, so gossip is what? Oh, 84%. Take 84%, just I'll relay at the most three times a year. I'll overlay one little thing. That'll be it there. And we could just start in. We could start in with anger. Do you like all anger? Oh, yeah, yeah. Unless someone does something that deserves anger, than I want to be able to properly focus on that. Okay, so what do you want on anger? I'd like a good 70% of my anger to be gone. And as we go through all of these defects that we're eager to get rid of, we start taking them back because they give us pleasure. It's almost like our ego jumps in and says, who are you except for your character defects you'll be the hole in the donut if they ever took all your who would you be what would you be and so we have now come up against the parameters of our life long journey which is to continually find something else to get rid of as Bill writes it's impossible to summon all this willingness at once and to have these things lifted out. And so we have settled in for the true nature that we have, which is to have this uncomfortability. I remember reading a 24-hour day book one day and there was a prayer in there. And I remember going, boy, this is the opposite of a serenity prayer. it said I pray that I may be never satisfied with my material with my spiritual condition. Now think about that I mean it sounds very noble, I pray that I maybe never satisfiedwith my spiritual condition. That means I'm going to never be satisfied withmy material, with my spiritual condition, that means I am always going to be restless and wanting to move on. I'm never going to be content perfectly with where I am. And why is that? That's because we have two natures, the way I see it. We have our material humanness and then we have our spiritual side. And they are at odds with each other. One wants to live in the material world, and one wants to live in the spiritual world. And we are governed by the laws of the material word and the spiritual world. I think that the transition in Alcoholics Anonymous as we go down this path is to gradually diminish the power of the real world to affect us and to greatly move ourselves into the spiritual world where spiritual release is spoken and that's why meetings and sponsors and close friends who will go to dinner and instead of talking about the stock market are talking about spiritual things jeez i had another way of looking at resentment oh well tell me joe that's a wonderful way i'm going to incorporate that and we are moving away from the power that holds us in the material world to the freedom of the spiritual world. And Chuck Chamberlain, I mean, boy, he just summed it all up. Uncover, discover, discard. That's what he said for the rest of our lives. What else can I let go of? What else can I let go of? The ego, I remember when you're totally self-centered. This is what I remember as a practicing alcoholic. It was like everything that happened anywhere bothered me. Anywhere. As soon as I found out about it and didn't approve. And somebody discovered a new moon around Uranus. And I went, A new moon around Uranos? I can't even keep up with the moons that are there now. Why don't they stop looking? I know why they're looking, just to bother me. To give me another freaking moon to worry about. Everything that happened anywhere was happening to me. That was how big my radar of keeping track of everything was and we come in here and try to become as small as possible you know we're big shots oh yeah I'm this and I'm that and then we get in here and we want to become the point on the instrument that God is using just a dot just a tiny dot so that nothing that happens can bother us because there's no us to bother. Someone once said that all problems can be condensed down into one. Things not going your way. That's it. It could be health, it could be money, it could sex, it can be anything but the reason it's a problem is that it's not going your way and from a purely physical point of view before we get into the spiritual program if things aren't going our way and that's why we're unhappy then the only way to happiness is to control everything so it does turn out your way which is very hard to do because we're in a world with millions of other people that are trying to control us so that their life will come out happy and there's nothing but conflict going on and a rat race as everybody is seeking the goal of happiness and we come in here and it said oh you want to solve the problem of things not going your way well we'll tell you the spiritual solution don't have a way there that's the end of that story don't know what to do don't don't don't don't have a way. Well, how do I not have a way? You've got to have a way. What do you mean don't have a way? Well, you take your way, whatever that means to you, whatever that energy is where you are figuring out how everything ought to be and you turn it over to your higher power and then you just do things his way. Now in order to do that, some people often say, well what is God's way? What is the next right thing? What is all that? and sometimes the answer will be well there's a certain code of moral values everybody knows right from wrong and you just do that that's not it at all that's how we would do it without a higher power this problem of a higher power is really amazing right after the new year people make resolutions I still do a little bit, but not like I used to. And you remember how those resolutions would be? You'd go, I'm going to take off 15 pounds. I'm going to stop drinking Cokes. No more sugar. I am going to do working out. I will start doing this. Spend more time with my kids, etc. So the guy goes to his sponsor and tells him about his New Year's resolutions. And the sponsor said, well have you made up any spiritual resolutions? You are in a spiritual program now. Why don't you come up with a couple of those come on back and talk to me so he went home and thought about that and he wanted to impress his sponsor you know what i mean let him know what a spiritual giant he was so he started right jotting down on a pad you know imagine that you're doing this for your sponsor what would you put down there to uh impress him so he wrote down three or four things and came back and he said you got something yeah let me tell you okay well read them to me He said, well, I resolve to be more understanding and a better listener with my wife and children. And I resolve to be most generous in my giving and to care about other people more. And I resolved to read more spiritual books. And I I resolve to try and live in harmony with the people that I encounter in my day's march. He felt pretty good about that. You know what I mean? It sounded pretty spiritual to him. And he read it off to his sponsor, and his sponsor said, God, I hate to tell you this, but that's the exact antithesis of a spiritual resolution. That isn't even close. You haven't even scratched the surface on it. And he's going, what are you talking about? Are you saying that being generous isn't spiritual? Oh, yeah, that's very spiritual. Oh, well, are you saying that being more understanding and a better listener, oh, that is very spiritual? Well, oh, I see it's the word resolve. That's not a spiritual word. You don't resolve. No, that' s not it. Well, then, what' s the problem? it's the first word in your resolutions I I am going to do all these things you've entered the world of the spirit you don't do the work anymore God does the work so if you want to be more generous you ask God to make you be more generous if you wanna do more spiritual reading You ask God to help you read more spiritual things. You start all of your thoughts with we instead of I. That's the power of the ego. This is that sneaky guy who wants to keep God out of there, and he comes up with a list of things where we're going to be spiritual on our own, proving that we don't need God. You follow what I'm saying? Boy, I'm reading a spiritual book, and I'm being generous. I'm doing this. And all of that, while it may look good on the surface, is proving how little we need this higher power to ourselves and alienating us from this higher power in this wonderful show of self-centered spirituality. I do this all the time. You go to meetings. Just listen when somebody says, well, what do you do about this? Well, I do THIS and I do THAT. Here's what I do. Here's what I do. I mean, we just talk that way all the time. And that is certainly not spiritual ease in the sense that we're talking about here. What is the problem with getting God involved? He's too extreme. That's the problem. The problem with spiritual solutions, they're too freaking extreme. He wants to make me a saint or something. I just want to stop drinking. I remember when I got here, I said, okay, I've stopped drinking and I'm doing all that. And then my sponsor's going, oh, Sandy, if you're going to stay in the program and stay sober, you're gonna have to give up that embezzling at work. You can't be taking that stuff. Oh, it's a two thing in the AA. It's drinking and embeZZling. Oh, all right. I didn't know that. You didn't tell me. You know, and the next thing he's talking about, well, ifyou want to keep your marriage, you'regonna have to stop the affairs. Oh, so there's three things. No drinking, no embeZling, no... Well, every month he had another thing and another thing And another thing went on forever. This isn't Alcoholics Anonymous, this is everything Alcoholics Anonymous. I mean it's like everything. That's what it says. We want to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this higher power. I know sometimes people when they're doing their inventories, they're working steps four and five it looks exhausting. I remember talking to somebody one time and it finally gave me the reason why I thought it was so hard. As you are listing the character defects, you feel the burden of the work that's going to be involved in dealing with these things and you want to minimize them because you're so tired and it's because we don't understand the process. So if we took an analogy to the fourth and fifth step And we said to you, we're not going to inventory you. We have a new system now. Now most alcoholics live in a pretty run-down house when they come into AA. You ever driven? I remember my sponsor and I were going on a 12-step call. We forgot the guy's address in this neighborhood. We knew the rough blocks he was going to drive around. So we drove around. All of a sudden the two of us went, that's it? You know what I mean? There was a motorcycle over on its side with one wheel missing, car up on jacks, two wheels missing there, lawn hadn't been mowed, beer cans all over. The house hadn't be touched in 15 years. It was so easy to find this guy's house. It was a piece of cake we just drove up. So instead of inventorying ourselves, we're going to inventory the house. And so that's your new job. Your sponsor says, I want you to tell me everything that's wrong with that house. You go, oh my God. So you go back and you start inventorying it, and then you're getting exhausted. And a new roof. And the exhaustion is imagining the work that's involved in fixing it all. You follow what I'm saying? That's why we want to keep that list small. Jeez, this is too much. The more I put on the list, the harder the job's going to be. So as we're bogging down, and our sponsor's talking to us, and he's going, what's the problem? I said, I'm just overpowered by what it's going to take to do all that? Oh, I forgot to tell you. You just do the list. We got a contractor that's going to do all the work. You just through the list Oh really? Now watch us go back. We're going to find about 800 more things. Now the contractor is going to through the work, you follow what I'm saying? So now we're going, well actually all the plumbing and the wiring this and that Well, we finally list every single thing that's wrong with that house. That's exactly how the program works. We list every defect that we have that we have God lift out. There's no work in getting them lifted out. They're lifted out! We're going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. Our drinking problem doesn't exist for us. You see the difference? It is so freeing when it is actually carried out the way the program has it designed. But it leaves the ego out. God gets all the credit. The ego is angry. Who am I? I get to do something. When do I getto do something on my own? You know, it's like when we're learning a new sport or something. We can hardly wait for the teacher to go away so that we can go out and finally be on our own. And the sad truth is, or the happy truth is that even with 40 years sobriety you still have training wheels on your bicycle. And we're glad they're there because it's going to come a day when we have no defense against the first drink. What we really have is the daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our training wheels and they're going to stay there and they're going to bother our ego till the day we die. We're going look back at those training wheels, part of us, and go, God, I can't stand those training wheel. They make me look bad. And the rest of us is going to be so glad that they're there because it isn't us that's doing anything. It's the power. It's creator of the universe that's entered our hearts and lives in a way that is indeed miraculous and we suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves. That's the end of the time. It's been wonderful to talk to everybody and I hope you got something out of it and let's have a great rest of the day. Thank you all very much.