The Total Package of Sponsorship, Steps, and Home Group – Kent C.

you know my grandmother always said it's definitely possible not to pray enough but it's totally impossible to pray too much let's pray a little bit more dear God use me this afternoon as an instrument that I will speak through me so whatever results that you desire here today will be accomplished in all things. Thy will, not mine, be done. Amen. My name is Kent Cohen. I'm an alcoholic. It is once again an honor and a privilege to participate at any level in Alcoholics Anonymous. My parents raised a mannerable young man. I want to demonstrate that because my mother was here. She'd jump up and say you didn't turn out to be one but anyway I want to thank uh those who were uh bill for asking me to come um to be here during the 80th birthday of alcoholics anonymous is an honor and a privilege that is beyond my ability to verbalize um i believe that this is the greatest time in the history of alcoholic synonymous to be a member of alcoholix anonymous we've got more meetings we've gotten more people with experience we've got literature. We've got CDs and tapes. We have conferences and conventions. We have book studies and workshops everywhere. We are literally inundated with great information in Alcoholics Anonymous today. I think it's the greatest time to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous in its 80-year history. However, all of those things that I just mentioned not a substitute for the solution. They are all support mechanisms for the solution, which is the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous as outlined by the founders in the big book of Alcoholic Anonymous. No, I love about AA is the simplicity of it. And there's a line in the Big Book that really bottom lines that simplicity for me. And what that line simply says is remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people, it is dependent upon his relationship with God. The single most important fact as I stand here today is that I got a power in my life that I choose to call God who does for me one day at a time what I could never do for myself. I establish and grow in that relationship through living, not memorizing, analyzing or discussing, through living the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous as outlined by the founders in our book. And that is always the reason that I pray before I introduce myself from behind the podium, is to keep me reminded of the truth left to my own devices. I would surely have destroyed myself before now. The prayer reminds me of two things that I believe are vital and crucial to me staying here. First and foremost, the reason I'm here today is to do God's will, not mine. And it also serves to remind me that he is in charge here this afternoon and as always, thank you God, I am not. And that's the way that I was raised in Alcoholics Anonymous. A special welcome to our new friends. How would you like to be new and be at an event like this? Right? I remember what it was like to be new in Alcoholics Anonymous. When I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I had never been here before. Nor did I know anybody who had ever been here before or at least who would admit to having been here before. And so Alcoholics Anonymous was not discussed in the places where I was hanging out. We didn't talk AA down to Brown Lee's Tavern. We didn't talk it down the bucket of blood. So I came into Alcoholics Anonymous exactly as I was out there. When I walked through the doors of AlcoholicsAnonymous, nobody sprinkled pixie dust on my head and all of a sudden I understood what was going on here. When i came to AA, I knew nothing about what you were talking about. I didn't know what a sponsor was. I didn't Know what a home group was.I didn'tKnow what a big book was. Uh, I didn'Know what a commitment was. I knew nothing of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm very grateful for the long-term members of Alcoholic Anonymous who welcomed me when I got here because they never made me feel less than because I didn't understand these things. What they did is they shared with me how these things worked in their life and showed me through practical application what my life could be like if I did what they did. And I've always been very grateful. But I always laugh at people at home who they'll say, people who got sober after I did will say things like, boy, them old timers sure was hard on us. They told us to sit down and shut up. No, they didn't. No, he said, uh, they were firm with us if we got out of line, but, um, they practiced the principles of patience, tolerance, understanding, and love that our book says are the watchwords. And, um—and I need to be mindful that I do that when new people come in today. My first sponsor it was a man named Bill Finley, and that's who Bill was talking about. And one of the things that Bill taught me early on is the things that you're blessed to learn here are tools that you use to help others. They're not weapons that you use to attack them. And I have never forgotten that. So I always try to remember to practice those things with the new people who came in. But when I came in here, I didn't know nothing. I'm a street guy. And you stay alive in the streets by doing two things, watching and listening. That will prolong your life in the streets. So I came into AA, that's the only thing I know. So I started doing that in here. I started watching and listening and I got sober in a club. It's called the Eerie Easy Does It Club. It was in Sandusky, Ohio. And I saw two very distinct groups of people at the Eery Easy DoesIt Club. You see them at pretty much any meeting that you attend on a regular basis. People who are staying sober and people who are not. That's pretty much the way it goes here, isn't it? We don't think we have a third alternative. And so I started watching, right? And the people who weren't staying sober — and I'm not doing this because many of our best members, it took them a long time to get this thing. We don't shoot our wounded here. I'm sharing with you my experience of what I saw when I got here. The people who were not staying sober, you know, they were in and out, in andout. Every time they came back in from being out, I noticed they looked worse than the last time they come back in for being out. I didn't see nobody come back in here passing out $50 bills, driving a new BMW and talking about how good it was out there, right? They were restless, irritable, and discontented. And they talked of terror, bewilderment, frustration, and despair. And we'll call them group one. And then there was another group of people. And if you've been at this convention any amount of time this weekend, there's a lot of people walking around here with green shirts on doing service. And you see them at your home group making coffee, setting up the tables and chairs, putting out the literature, greeting people at the door. They talk about God, big book steps, spirituality, helping others and enjoying life sober. And we'll call them group two. Now as my story is going to prove I am no rocket scientist but it sure looked to me like the people in group two had a better deal than the people In Group One. Let's keep this simple right. So what is it that the people IN Group Two are doing that the People IN Group One are not? Well the people and group two had some things in common. One of the things that they had first was something called a sponsor. Now, when I came to AA, I didn't know what a sponsor was. I used to play softball for Cronin's Tavern. They was our sponsor. And I got a lot of free booze and clothes out of that deal. I thought, well, maybe this AA thing ain't so bad. Maybe I'm a little hasty here. And you sat me down and you told me what a sponsored was. You told me that a sponsor is somebody who has working knowledge and experience with the 12 steps as outlined by the founders in our book, who is willing to take the time to share with you the program of recovery as it's written. And just as importantly, and my belief maybe even more importantly, is a living demonstration of those principles in their life who can show me what my life can be like if I do what they do. I'm a guy that would rather hear a good sermon, see a good sermons than hear one. And I have sponsorship in Alcoholics Anonymous today. My sponsor spoke here at three o'clock. My sponsors Bob D of Las Vegas, Nevada. I was raised in Alcoholics Anonymous by Bill Finley of Lorraine, and Bill is now deceased. He died 51 years sober. And Kenny Bombalicki of Cleveland, and Kenny is 44 years sober now. So I've been blessed with good health. If you're new here, I want to share something with you. Having a sponsor is a tremendous thing. It's a great thing. Being sponsorable is even better, right? Right? Simple fact. The only results I've ever gotten from anything that AA has offered me has come from things that I've done, not from things that I know. And having a sponsor is a great thing. No, but like I said, being sponsorable. I sponsor a lot of men in Alcoholics Anonymous. I work intensively with other alcoholics. I sponsored guys all over the states, Canada. I sponsor guys overseas. A guy asked me recently, he said, Kent, how many people do you sponsor? I said, oh, about half of them. Is that not the truth, right? I mean, you can only be as much help to someone as they will allow you to be, right. I like to do this sometime. If there's anybody here right now who would be willing to sponsor a new person, would you please raise your hand? Thank you very much. If you're new in here and you ain't got a sponsor, I just hooked you up. No one ever need leave an AA meeting without the benefit of sponsorship. And you've got to remember, I'm new. I don't know you. I Don't know if you got 10 years or 10 minutes, nor do I know if you're even willing to help a guy like me who doesn't even feel he deserves any help. So if you are new here and don't have any help, the help that you need just identified itself. What you do with that information is up to you. It's up to you. Another thing that people in group two had in common, they had something called a home group. Now I was a newcomer. I went to a lot of, I went to tons of meetings. I always felt better after an AE meeting. Anybody ever, when you're new, you have that feeling, no matter what's going on in your day, I would go to an AE meet at night and my life was really crazy when I was new. I had no sponsor. I ain't working no steps. I got untreated alcoholism. My life's not getting better. It's seemingly getting worse, but I could go to an AE meeting and I always felt better afterward. And I didn't understand why. There was a lot of guys from the 1940s in my area in Ohio who were in the program who was still alive and sober when I came in. And one of them was a guy named Walter. I used to give Walter rides to meetings when I was new. And i said to Walter one day, you know, I always feel better after an AE Meeting, Walter. Why is that? Walter looked at me and he said, Walter was deaf. He had those kind of hearing aids that look like earmuffs. Remember them, Kai? Right? And so he screamed everything. And Walter screamed at me in the car, ain't you figured that out yet, dummy? And I said, no, Walter, why is that? He said, what's the first thing we do at a meeting? I said we say the serenity prayer. He said what's last thing we do at a meeting? We say the Lord's Prayer. And he said, and where we're gathered together, God is in our midst. And He said, that's why you always feel better after you leave an AA meeting. And I've never forgotten that. But I don't have a home group. When people would ask me, what's your home group? You ever hear a new person say this? All the groups are my home group, you ever hear that? Right? I go to a meeting every night, all the groups of my home, but I have no commitment or responsibility at any of them. I'm keeping you at arm's length, right? Because I don't trust you. I don' t know you. And I'm trying to figure out how to do this thing by myself. Thank you very much. And finally a guy came up to me one day and he said, you know, he said if you ain't got a home group, you're homeless in AA. And for a guy like you, this is the last place you can afford to be homeless. So I decided to get a home group. And my home group is the Friday Night Venice Group of Alcoholics Anonymous in Sandusky, Ohio. It is a very old meeting. I actually started as an Oxford group meeting. So I've been there for a long time. And when I joined that group, I signed the home group roster. They got this book, you know, and you put your sobriety date, right? And I got done doing that, and a guy named Michael looked at me, and he said, Kenny, I got some bad news for you, buddy, but we have no interest in your autograph. He said, what we want is your service. He threw some keys up on the table. He said, those are the keys to the coffee locker. He said, I want you to be here at 6 o'clock next week for this 830 meeting. You're going to make the coffee, set up the tables and chairs, and put out the literature. And this was a big meeting, about 200 people every Friday night. I looked at this guy like he had three heads. I said, how long am I going to have to do that? And he looked at me and he started grinning. He says, we'll get back to you. Three years later, I asked him again, right? These guys knew it, right. So now, here's the deal. Kent does not know how to make coffee. Kent has never drank coffee in his life, right? If it didn't come out of a tap, I didn't know, right. So I spent the entire week obsessing about this coffee. And in my mind, the movie is playing. People drinking the coffee and grabbing their throat and falling on the floor, right, I've killed half the meeting, right what is it, it's that coffee, right and uh but of course I cannot let you know that I don't know anybody following me so I spend my whole week obsessing over this coffee deal and when I show up on Friday night there was four members of that meeting that got sober between 1944 and 1947 and all four of them were sitting there when I arrived and I thought to myself aha they don't trust me right like I was trustworthy worthy, right? And so I set up the tables and chairs. I put out the literature, and then I made that slow walk to the coffee locker. We had two of those hundred cup coffee makers, and I get them out, right, and now I know how much water to put on where it says a hundred, right. I figured that out, but now comes the moment of truth, the coffee itself, and there was a guy. His name was Herb, and Herb looked at me and he says, Hey Kent. He said, I don't know about you. He said but when I make a hundred cupper he said I like to put the coffee right to that line right there. He said how do you like to do it? I said I'd like to do it right there Herb. Are you following me? See they knew I didn't know. They knew I didn' t know and what they did is in a kind and loving way they showed me how to do things And I made the coffee. But I can tell you about my home group. Ain't the best group in the world and ain't the worst group in the world, it's just an AA group. One of the things my sponsor Bill taught me when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous is it's okay to stop competing now. My entire life prior to Alcoholics Anonymous lived on a better than or less than basis. And there's a funny thing that happens when I live better than and less than. Actually it's not very funny. I'm never a part of. See Chuck C used to say you know, talk about conscious separation. No, and my entire life was spent either better than or less than. And Alcoholics Anonymous, anytime I consciously or unconsciously separate myself from you as better than or less then, I am once again on my own. Tradition one, our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon a unity. My home group is the best place for me to be. And I hope you feel that way about your group, but that doesn't make my group better than yours, nor does it make yours better than mine. I'm not the best alcoholic ever to come here. I ain't the worst alcoholic ever To come here, God don't love me no more than he loves you and he don't love you no more Than he loves me. And that is the beauty of Alcoholics Anonymous for the first time in my life. I got connected. I got connected, so I love my home group, and that's what I like to call a total package in Alcoholics Anonymous. Sponsorship, big book and steps, home group, and a service commitment. In my experience, which is the only thing I'm allowed to share from behind the podium, I have yet to meet an alcoholic of our type, and if you don't know what alcoholic of our type is, read the book. I have yet to meet an alcoholic of our type who has taken that total package, applied it to their life one day at a time to the best of their ability, which is all that's required, and gone back out and picked up a drink. I have not seen it happen one single solitary time since I've been a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I've be here for a while. For if you're new here, the program of recovery was designed for success, not for failure, but there is a caveat. I have to participate in my own recovery. those who do get and those who don't don't and it's just that simple the 12th step does not say haven't had a spiritual awakening as a result of attendance meetings are important right commitments are important right bill wilson said that anything that we have does that does not facilitate the carrying of the 12-step message to the alcoholic who still suffers is doomed to fail. And that's what I like to call the total package. I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I didn't know what an alcoholic was either. Now, I identified myself as an alcoholic at the beginning of this talk. I always had a definition of an alcoholic, though. And I like To say that my definition was a sliding definition because as my alcoholism progressed I kept fitting my definitions and every time I fit it I would have to change it if you ask me now as a teenager what is alcoholic I'd say somebody's drunk every day now I don't know where I got that from tv over heard somebody else say it I don' t know but that's what I would have told you as a teenage I became a daily drinker that ain't it I thought about it something I said you know an alcoholic is somebody who misses work school you know, important things in life because of drinking. It interferes with one's priorities in life. Yes, that certainly must be an alcoholic. And as a teenager, alcohol began to interfere with work, school, and important things In my life. That ain't it. Thought about it some more, I finally figured her out. An alcoholic is somebody who goes to jail because of drunken. That certainly must Be it, right? As you hear in a few minutes, I really had to change that one. by the time I staggered through the doors of AA my definition of an alcoholic y'all know y' all remember old Otis on the Andy Griffith show y'al remember Otis clothes was always wrinkly always had a pint of cheap wine on him in and out of jail I watched every episode of the Andy Griffeth show even the ones in color and I remember Otis working no place right and so that's to me that's what I'm looking at I was overseas speaking at a conference and I asked them that I said, y'all remember Otis on the Andy Griffith Show? And 2,000 people looked at me and went, no. Messed me up. Took me 10 minutes to recover from that. I thought they had cable over there. I didn't know. You see them all the time, don't you? Long trench coats, stocking cap on their head, drinking Wild Irish Rose, Mad Dog, a Thunderbird out of brown paper sack, sleeping under a cardboard box. Yes, that certainly must be an alcoholic. The reason that's my definition when I get here is that's the only thing that had not yet happened to me. And if I didn't have the family that I had that for many, many years broke every fall I had, that's exactly where I would have been. I can stand here in all honesty today and tell you that I drank in that place in Sandusky, Ohio called Wino's Alley with them old men. And I was a young guy. The only difference between me and them guys was when it got dark there was somebody to open the door for me and there was nobody left to do it for them. I had the nerve to come into Alcoholics Anonymous, sit in an AA meeting and poke my chest out and say, you know, I ain't never been homeless. There was a man at that meeting. His name was Jim Redmond. He died 53 years sober. He was sitting in the corner. He looked at me and it wasn't even his turn to share. And he looked at be and he said, really? Really? He said, young man, I got some bad news for you. He said if you grown and you living in your mom and daddy's house and you ain't paying no rent, you're homeless. That man hurt my feelings. I hope I didn't step on no toes in here today, but the truth has set you free, baby. Because when I come here, I want to compare, right? Remember what it's like to be new. You know, most of my friends now are sober 20, 30, 40 years, right, and every now and then somebody says, well, you know, I really don't remember what it was like back in the early days when I was new. And let me share something with you. If you're in here and you're a long-time member, you don't remember what it was like to be new? I got a suggestion for you. Sponsor somebody. Sponsore somebody. That's how this thing stay fresh for me. No, um, I, uh, but I was new, right? And, um—I don't know nothing about this thing called alcoholism. And my sponsor took me to this thing call The Doctor's Opinion. And the way the book is broke down, and tell me what is the problem, tell me what the solution is. And then it gives me a practical program of action to apply the solution to my life. And so the first thing, you can't fix something if you don't know what's broke, right? So we get this doctor's opinion, tells me I'm suffering from a malady that is mental, it's physical and it's spiritual. And the mental part of it, they call it the mental obsession to drink. Now that ain't, that's not everyday walk-around words for me when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous. I used to work the third shift out at Ford Motor Company. And I didn't have a car, which is an embarrassing thing. To make that kind of money and to work in an automotive plant and not have a vehicle. I didn' t have a driver's license either, but that's a different story. I used to tell people I lost my driver's life, but that was a lie too because I knew where they were. They were down in Columbus. But I'm getting the ride home from work, and I'm sitting in the front seat of the car, and I say, man, I've been thinking about a beer all night. Nobody in the back seat said, that's the mental obsession. We didn't know. So what is this mental obsession to drink? I'll give you an example. I'm a teenager, and I'm waking up in the morning, and I'm mentally making a list of all the reasons why I ain't drinking today. If I drink today, I'm going to get kicked off the team, flunk out of school, get kicked out of the house, lose the girlfriend, you know, dirty urine. I'm going to the penitentiary. All these things in my life true at one time or another. And if you drink like I drink, three or four are going on simultaneously. Now, I would lay in the bed, take a look at the truth. Easiest kind of decision to make, right? A decision based on fact because I don't want these things to occur in my life. I'm not going to drink and I meant it as much as I mean it now. And then I get out of the bed. And usually about 30 seconds later another thought would come floating into my head. And our book talks about this because those first thoughts it calls those sound reasoning. That's sound reasoning drink consequences don't want them ain't drinking that is sound reasoning but our book says that parallel to this sound reasoning ran some insanely circle the word insanely trivial excuse to take a drink so I get out of the bed here's the thought that comes to me it's Friday it's Friday and you know I have worked all week which for me is three days I'm grown I ain't hurting anybody this is the United States of America. Drinking alcohol is legal. And you know, none of this stuff that's going on is really my fault. Anybody following me? I deserve a drink. and here's here's the thing all of those all of that sound reasoning those same thoughts that preceded it just a few minutes earlier never return such is the power of obsession and our book talks about it in great length and it says that if you're a person who has that kind of thinking and alcoholic tendencies which is the fit you have probably placed yourself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, will die or go permanently insane. So now that I'm only going to have one, I'm Only Going to Have One, I pick up the drink, and I drink it. And the second part of the malady that Dr. Silkworth talked about, he called it an allergy to alcohol, a phenomenon non of craving i'll give you an example true story i'm out cutting my grass on a 90 degree day so is my non-alcoholic next door neighbor i'm watching him i'm sober at this time i'm watchin' him he gets hot and thirsty shuts his lawnmower off he climbs off of it he walks over to his deck he flips open a cooler it is full of cold beer he pulls out a cold when he pops the top on her he sucks it down. It quenches his thirst, and I know nobody in here is going to believe it, but I've seen this with my own two eyes on more than one occasion. With that full cooler of beer still sitting there, that man actually got back on his lawnmower and finished cutting his grass. I'm over there next door going, you know, I can't believe it. The difference between me and my neighbor. I get off of my lawnmower, I pop a top on a cold one and I suck her down. It does not quench my thirst. What it does to me, and if you new in here, follow me because maybe it does this to you, it makes me thirstier. And grass cutting is over at the Coleman house. My lawnmowner be sitting in that same spot in two weeks when I get out of the county. spiritual malady, soul sickness. My disease is rooted in selfishness and self-centeredness. I got no God in my life. At the age of 14, I made a conscious decision to paddle my own canoe. Was raised in a house where principles were taught and demonstrated, made me no difference. I felt that I had a better way. So I'm operating with no God in my wife and I'm a guy who set out to play God in yours. um i attempted to control and manipulate the people places and things around me in any by any means necessary to satisfy the god-given instincts that bill talks about in the 12 and 12 the need for security the need för companionship the need für success i am a guy who tries to control und manipulate the world around him to suit my own personal needs and and quite frankly um general manager of the universe is an extremely rough job. And there's a problem with it, if you've done it and y'all laughing so I know you have. There's a problema with it. The people, places, and things in my life refuse to cooperate. And as a result of that, I become restless and irritable and discontented. and I learned at the age of 14 when I pour alcohol on that, it gives me a sense of ease, comfort, fearlessness, and well-being. The effect produced by alcohol. This disease of mind, body, and spirit is called alcoholism and I don't know if you got it but I definitely got it and I don't treat it. Death, imprisonment, or commitment are guaranteed me. If I had the power to quit drinking on my own, I'd have never come to AA. Why should I? And no matter how great the necessity or the wish, when my job, when my family, when our freedom, and eventually when my life depended on me not drinking, I drank. I drank I'm 55. I was born in the city of Sandusky, Ohio with a second to three boys I was raised in a Christian home I had a final mother and father that have ever graced this earth And when I say grace this earth That's a pretty appropriate term For the people who gave me life My mom worked for Chrysler Corporation My dad worked for General Motors I'm retired from Ford And I just say We had a lot of craziness But we had really nice cars You know growing up everything that we wanted within reason, anything that we wanted that was not within reason and they told us no we went to our grandmother who lived with us because the word no was not in her vocabulary. You know in the 12 and 12 Bill calls the steps a set of principles spiritual in nature. Those principles were not only taught but demonstrated in our home. I've learned nothing new since I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. In our home they told is honesty is the best policy. A real man is always honest with himself and other people. In our house, maybe in somebody else's in here, we got automatic whoopings when we got caught lying. Did that happen to anybody else's house in here? That's step one. The principle of step one is honesty, and I learned that at the end of a hickory stick. My mother said to me when I was about seven years old, Kenny, come here. I want to talk to you. She said, contrary to what you seem to believe, the sun does not rise when you wake up and set when you go to bed. Look out the window and tell me what you see. I said, trees, birds, sky, flowers, grass. She said, you think this just popped up out of nowhere? She said there's a power that's greater than you that created all of this and all you need to do is to believe that, step two. In our house they said if you will turn your life over to the care of the power that created all of these, in my house they call that power God. They said you will always have what you need no matter what happens outside or around you. She's telling me the answer is inside, not outside. Step three. In our house, they told us anytime you got a problem, no matter how bad you think it is, take a look at it. Come talk to us about it. A problem half shared is a problem half solved. You're only as sick as your secrets. Anybody ever heard that before? Steps four and five. My mother used to say the biggest room in a human being's life is the room for improvement. If you can make C's, you can makes B's. If can make B's, can make A's. And if you'll ask the power that created all of this to help you in any area you want to grow positively in your life. The power will always help you. That's what the power does. That steps six and seven. In our home, they told us anytime you hurt, harm, or wrong somebody else, go make right the wrong you done. Your time, give it. Your money, pay it. Your apology, make it. Clean up your mess. That is what responsible people do. That steps eight and nine. They taught us when we was growing up you can never go forward in life if you don't know where you are today and what you need to work on to get wherever it is you want to go. My mother used to say how can you go somewhere if you don't know where you're at. I read a book about Socrates when I was a junior in high school. Socrates said the uninventory life is a waste. Step 10, our grandmother told us the secret to having a good day was very simple. Wake up in the morning, slide out of the bed onto your knees, say one word please. As you go throughout the day and you don' t know what to do, ask for help and at night before you get back into bed hit your knees again and say two words thank you, conscious contact with God. Step 11. And in our home, they told us the greatest thing that a human being could do with their life was not acquire money and material things. It was to be of service to others. They taught us to follow the golden rule. Talk to folks the way you want to be talked to. Treat folk the way You want to Be treated. Offer to share what You have with others before You have Your own. Be of service to Your fellow man. Step 12. When I got on a bus to go to kindergarten. I was already armed with a set of principles, spiritual in nature, that I recognized after a short time here as the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you're new here, I want to share something with you. Those principles did not originate in Akron, Ohio in 1935. Those principles are ancient and there's a lot of people out there who live like that every single day, and check this out. They don't expect a pat on the back for it either. This is the only place in the world, right? Well, we got to tell new people. Now I want you to go do something nice today, but if you tell anybody, it doesn't count, right. The guy across the street shovels the sidewalk for the elderly people next door. He don't come over my house and say, and, hey, did y'all see me over there shoveling them people? Really? Such is the selfishness and self-centeredness of the alcoholic. Right? I want a pat on the back for doing what I should have been doing all along. If you knew here, I just took you through the steps. I just take you through steps. I knew all that stuff. So you're probably thinking to yourself, well, Ken, if you was armed with spiritual principles before you went off to kindergarten, what on earth are you doing speaking at an AA function this afternoon? I bet y'all know the answer to that too, don't you? I never did any of it. I talked about it a lot though. You ever be down at the tavern and there'd be some drunk in there quoting scripture? That was me. I'll be down to Brown Lees Tavern Friday night. You know, down to brown leaves every weekend, somebody will have a meltdown and just go to sobbing and crying in their drink. and it was usually because they was getting divorced going to jail or losing their jobs because that's what we did down the brown league kent would stagger over with a drink in his hand and say something like this luke chapter 5 verses 11 to 17 have the answers to your and i'm quoting script i'm quote in scripture down to brown lees tavern and i didn't stop there i get marital guidance down to Brown Lees now i had never had a wife but i didn'T see how that really made a difference. With my life savings laying there on the bar, I get financial guidance down to Brown Lee. My dad called me a walking encyclopedia of perfectly useless information because none of it was born in my experience. I am a parrot. I go around repeating things that I believe will gain me favor from other people. I could do that in AA too. I can go around completing things that I hear in meetings that have absolutely nothing to do with our program and actually are contrary to what our program teaches. My first sponsor gave me, and I want to share this with you, gave me a little bit of advice when I was new. He said, if anybody says anything and you don't understand it, would you ask them to show it to you in the book? If they can't, leave it alone. Leave it alone and that's what I was taught and that has stood me in pretty good stead since I've been here. So as a kid, I'm shy, insecure, and afraid all the time. I always feel like I'm a half a step behind everybody else my own age. I'll always feel like that fifth wheel. I'm always trying to say the right things, do the right things, because everybody's watching every move I make. Now, my sponsor says we don't call that being sensitive. We call that self-centeredness. I found out later that no one was listening to what I said or watching what I was doing. It's all up here, right? So I'm already feeling disconnected. Our book talks about being maladjusted to life, a very apt description of how I felt. Now, I began immediately to look for something to make me feel better, and so I started looking outside of me. I was a voracious reader. I could read before I went to school. I'm a constant daydreamer, watch television. I become a character in the book, a character in the TV show. I always wanted to be somebody else someplace else doing something else. I never felt adequate. I was never comfortable in my own skin and that's how it was for me. Why was it like that? I haven't the faintest idea. I really don't know. I had an older brother was raised in the same house as me and taught the same things as me, went to the same places I did? He didn't have that. So I don't know. If the car is in the ditch, we can sit around all day talking about how the car got in the dish. What somebody need to do is get a record and figure out how to get the car out of the ditch. I'm a solution-oriented guy, not a problem-oriented guy. I am not here to examine a problem. But I know that that's how it was for me. And my first real drink of choice was my older brother. He was four years older than me. I come from a family that plays a lot of football. There has been a lot major college footballs in my family, and I had a couple cousins that played in the National Football League for over 10 years. That's what we do. There were no bare-skin rug pictures of the Coleman boys. Our baby picture is in a diaper in a three-point stance in the middle of the living room. That was my daddy, and that was how we were raised. And I had a brother who was going to go play at Ohio State University, and he was very, very gifted and very talented. And, um, I followed him everywhere he went, I had ease and comfort in his shadow. When I was with him, nobody expected me to be, do or say anything. I was around older guys and he took me with him everywhere that he went. Everywhere he went and I look back on it now. A lot of ease and comfort in the shadow and September of 1972, he was injured. He suffered a head injury in a football scrimmage in Massillon, Ohio and it was on a Saturday. He collapsed. They took him to the hospital. He lapsed into a coma Saturday night. They did nine hours worth of brain surgery on him. On that Monday, he died Wednesday, September the 5th, 1972. I remember like it was yesterday. I could tell you everything that happened from the minute I opened my eyes that day to the minute i closed them. Is that what made me alcoholic? Absolutely not. Stop any person out here on the street today and they'll give you a similar story. Tragedy and death happens. People live, people die. That is life, is it not? How did it affect me? Didn't make me alcoholic. Broke my heart. Really, my mom and dad were never the same. And I almost killed my grandparents. And that was in September of 1972. And in September in 1972, they didn't send 50 counselors to the high school to help people get through that. You were pretty much on your own, and I did the best that I could, but what it really seemed to do to me was heighten the feeling of difference that already was plaguing me because now I got this thing, right? My brother died. Everybody knew him. Everybody liked him, and when I'm around people, nobody knows how to address that. there's these awkward silences and people looking at their shoes, and it just made me feel even more different than I had before and more uncomfortable than I Had Before. My mom used to talk to me a lot the year after my brother died, and she used to tell me things like, Kenny, God has been so good to you. One of these days, you're going to have a wonderful life. My mother was the president at ohio baptist women's convention and um no we in atlanta and some people who whose names i see out here on the interstates um roads named after them some of those people were in our home and that was the atmosphere in which i was raised um i wasn't sent to church i was taken to church oh and and i was raising right i probably had a better upbringing in that regard than some people who've gone to the seminary. And my mom used to tell me what a great life I was going to have and what God was going to do. I used to look at my mother and shake my head and say, if you want to know what I want in life, I can tell you in 30 seconds. I want mine. I want to get it my way, and I'm going to need you to leave me alone while I'm doing it. And my mama, you know how they do? They shake their head. They get a sad look on their face, and she go, oh, we didn't raise you that way. You don't get it. And I pointed my finger. I said, no, you're the one who don't getting it. If you don't think my way is going to work, get out the way and watch me roll. One of the gifts God did give me is I did well in school. I give God credit for that today. I took credit for it then. That's the tone and tenor of my life. Anything good, I take credit for. Anything bad, I'm blaming you. And I was a straight-A student. School came easy for me. And my first sponsor, Bill, told me when I was new, he said, son, he said anytime you're in a room alone, all your enemies are there. And what he was referring to is my thinking. And I was sitting in study hall, I'm 14 years old, watching people doing their homework and I had a visit from the enemy, my thinking, and here's the thought that came to me. You know these people in here breaking their neck trying to get B's and C's taking general math and science. I'm taking calculus, physics, fourth year Latin, fourth gear English. I am sleeping through class and getting straight A's. You know it just might be entirely possible that I know everything. Y'all know where this story's going, don't you? Had no evidence to support that fact as being true, accepted it as a fact, went home and took action on it. I actually told that to my mom and dad. Thought it would change things around the house a little bit, they ought to know. What happened after that, they was watching the evening news of Walter Cronkite. what happened after that my father came up off that couch pretty quick and uh I was scared of my daddy my daddy played football when he didn't have face masks my daddy was uh a combat hero in the Korean war um I mean in the woods the medals the letter the commendations all not right I knew that I knew that this was not a man to be trifled with and when he came up on that couch I decided I was not going to wait around to see what he wanted. And to the day he died, I never asked him what he intended to do. He must have been thinking, hey, look what we got in the house. I'm going to kill it. But I broke for the screen door, got outside quick and closed it. He's right behind me, and he stood on the other side of the screen doorway, pointed his finger at me, and he looked at me and said, boy, I'm gonna tell you something. He said, you're gonna have a hard life. He says, Kenny don't know about it. They know everything. And I stood on that porch, I looked him in his eye, and I laughed in his face. A significant day in my life because on that day, I closed the door. Our book says honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness are the three essentials of recovery. These are indispensable. A closed mind cannot learn. A closed mine cannot grow. And on that day I closed a door, and everybody in my life became an idiot. My mother, my father, the preacher, the teacher, later on the police, the judges, the lawyer, the probation, the PO. You can't tell me if I don't know it. It ain't worth knowing became my philosophy of life. I'm selfish, self-centered, self seeking, self absorbed and scared to death and according to my mother mean as a rattlesnake I have yet to take a drink of alcohol. I tell people I was the perfectly tilled soil for the disease of alcoholism. All I had to do was water it and see if I had the physical and one day I did. Got in the car with a guy I played basketball with in high school whose life I lived in my head. I don't live in the real world with the rest of you. This was a guy who had a snazzy car pocket full of money, ran around with the kind of girls I run away from. I got in the car with Johnny. He looked at me and said, you want to get something to drink? I have been warned about drinking. Alcoholism does not run in my family. It gallops. And I have been told we do not do alcohol well. Both sides of my family are rife with the disease of alcoholism. And i've been given all the warnings but i'm going to tell you something. Excuse me. If johnny had said to me that day let's go rob to carry out, I guarantee y'all would have done it. That's a little sense of self that I have. I'm empty on the inside. And we went through the drive-thru. We bought 10 quarts of Slitz Malt Liquor Bull. To the youngsters in here, the quart of beer preceded the 40 ounce. It was 32 ounces of beer. He said, five for you, five from me. Now, five quarts of beer is a lot of beer for a youngster. And he dropped the convertible top on that beautiful Pontiac, cranked up the music. We rode through the streets of Sandusty. It was a bright, sunshiny day and we drank that beer and my life changed. Now there are a lot of descriptions about the effect produced by alcohol that I've heard shared from behind the podium. Heard a guy say one time, there comes a moment in the drinking career of every alcoholic that he takes to drink and alcohol flips the switch, the lights come on. Everything I had ever wanted to be, do or say immediately became possible. I went from shy, insecure and afraid to bold, confident, suave, debonair and absolutely fearless in about 20 minutes. We went behind the Derek apartments where all the thugs hung out. I ain't said five words in public in the last three years. People surrounded the car, the music is blasting. I looked at Johnny, I said turn that music down there's a few things I want to tell a few people who are present here this afternoon that I've been wanting to tell them for quite some time. I went around that circle of hoodlums, told each and every one of them not only what I thought of them but what they needed to do in my opinion to improve themselves. The reaction of the guys around that car, guys are leaning into the convertible and hugging me saying see I told you, I told your Coleman all right, I tell you he's loosening up, he's doing a little drinking, he's one of us. I made a mental note of that when I drink I change and I now have the acceptance of the people whose acceptance I want the most. And that wasn't mom and dad, that was them drive-by shooters behind the Derek apartments. Alcohol equals success and you better believe I got it. We went from there, we went over to the home of some of them girls he run around with, I run away from, never been over there in my life. I walked into that home like I was paying a mortgage. I walk in, I sit down at the dining room table, I looked across the room and I locked eyes with a girl I still think is the finest girl to graduate from Sandusky High School in his 172-year history. I had never even breathed in her direction, much less said hello. And she looked up at me and I looked at her and I said, come here. And she got up and started walking toward me. Now any sane human being at this point would probably think to themselves, gee Ken, if you weren't so shy and scared, look what you could have done just by speaking up, right? Is that what I thought? Absolutely not. Here's what I thought, and if you're new, maybe you can relate to this. If you had been drinking before now, look what you could have done. Look what you've been missing. I immediately attributed it to drinking. Immediately. And I can remember having that thought as clearly as I can see you right now. Now, this is an honest program, and I'm going to be honest with you this afternoon. when she got over there to me I had no idea what to do with her I don't think that far ahead when I'm drinking but guys like me watch a lot of TV I got a lot time on my hands and so I did what they do on TV I went like this and she sat down in my lap and my life changed again and the upshoot to that whole story is on that day alcohol did for me what I could not or would not do for myself and the best description that I can give to you is that for the first time in my life, I felt whole. And that's a very powerful thing and alcohol ain't supposed to do that. What happened the rest of that day is the restofmydrinkinghistory so I can get out of it, drink trouble. If this here was a drink of alcohol, and I stood here today and took a drink, a cop would drop right out of that light and land in the middle of this floor. I am what is known as a consequences drinker. Now, if you knew here, jail and loss of everything is not a requirement. You can get off the elevator at any floor. the basement is not necessary the price of admission here is honesty what happened the rest of that day went in a blackout have no recollection of what went on heard the next day that I did some pretty amazing things however according to eyewitnesses at the house I came in the house through up a trail through the living room, through the kitchen through the family room. My grandfather fell on the floor laughing. I went in the bathroom, hit everything but the toilet. The next thing that I remember is my mom knocking on that bedroom door. You know how they do, screaming, you know you've been drinking, blah, blah. Come out here and clean this up, right? I staggered into the hallway in what later years would be my drinking uniform, my underwear. I'm bouncing off of them hallway walls. I got a hangover you can take out and look at. Y'all know the deal. I go in the bedroom. I lock the bathroom door. I put my hands on the bathroom sink. I looked through bloodshot eyes into the mirror, and this is what I said. Man, oh man, I cannot wait to do that again. Grounded for life is what was being discussed in the living room and how they planned to carry that sentence. I got grounded for life the first time I got drunk. So what I did is, what I like to do prior to AA is I had a meeting with myself. Now, if you're new here, I want to strongly advise against this. But I like to have a meeting with myself because I usually was able to solve most of the problems that was going on. They had a meeting mit myself and here's what I come up with. Okay, Kent, you got drunk? Yep. You got sick? Yep, and you got grounded for life? Yep all this is true. Now but you have to understand something Kent, the reason that you got ground for life is not because you got drunk. The reason you got grounded for life is because you got sick. What you gotta do is learn how to drink without getting sick. Anybody in here following this? Y'all know where this is going, don't you? Right? Alcohol ain't a problem for me. It is a solution. And I was gone. Never looked back. I'm a parent abuser. We don't know a lot about child abuse in society today. You're looking at a parent abuser prior to me picking up a drink of alcohol. There were no sleepless nights in our home. There was no hollering and screaming in our house. There was nobody saying things like, you're not the son we raised. We do not trust you anymore. There is no nervous anxiety, guilt, and shame. I bought those things into that house, and I infected the people who gave me life with them until they were sicker than I was. I'll give you an example. My dad, who was a man who served his country, worked at General Motors, never missed a day's work to the day he retired, was the commissioner of the local youth little league, youth baseball league, coached for many years, a man who lived a life of service so he could hold his head high in his community. I had got into a skirmish down at the bar one Friday night and was arrested. I was always getting arrested down at The Bar. There could be a fight over in the other corner. I could be sitting over here by myself, and I'd be the only one to go to jail because when the police come, I have to get up and point out the injustices that are taking place here. And the two guys that are fighting get to stay, and the next thing you know, Mr. Coleman, you're going downtown. But I had been involved in an altercation, and I was locked up. And my dad came to get me out, and he had to get a bail bondsman because it was like $2,000 to get мне out. And when he was driving me home, he looked at me, and this is what he said. He says, you know, he said, I'm going to go out to the credit union, get out a couple thousand dollars in statute at the house so next time we won't have to use a bail bondman. That's how sick I made my daddy. And I had the nerve to come into Alcoholics Anonymous and say, I ain't hurting nobody. I had to nerve to coming to Alcoholics Anonymous and say, boy, I had a good time drinking out there. I want to share something with you today. I live in truth today. Thank you, God. I've been restored to sanity. From the day I picked it up to the day i put it down, my life went down the tubes. Oh, I Had A Good Time. You know what Kent's definition of a good-time drinking is? Any consequences that have to be paid as a result of my drinking are paid by somebody else. They're paid by someone else. I said in a meeting one time because I heard a guy down at the club say I had a good time drinking, everybody patted them on the back. So I went to a meeting where there was old timers and I made the mistake of saying that. And a man looked at me and he said really? He said let me ask you something big shot. If we get your mother, your father, the girl you live with, your boss, your co-workers, your creditors, and your neighbors in here and we say hey you know Ken had a really good time out there drinking. What kind of time did you guys have? what do you think they'd say I said I don't want to have that meeting see I'm so full of me I can't see you and this is how I treated my mom and dad I had a car when I was 16 I had an 1 o'clock curfew come home 4 o' clock in the morning my mother sitting up she's sitting on the couch with tears rolling down her eyes I walked in the front door this is what my mother said to me as your parents we owe you food to eat roof over your head clothes on your back and an education we've given you that but she said, I got something you can't have, Kenny. And she said that's my peace of mind. She said, you're going to penitentiary or the cemetery and I got news for you. I ain't going with you. I'm done. I'm giving you to God. I am done. Go do what you want. I' m done. And I stood there and I looked at my mom and this is what I said to her. I broke you. And you know something, mama? I want you to know I'm a little bit disappointed you such a spiritual giant because it wasn't even that hard. And I walked away, and that's how I treated my mom. But I ain't hurting nobody. Bringing to the end of the drinking, no baths, no showers. I don't get into all that. I've been in jail a lot. I'd been in a lot of trouble. I was convicted of driving under the influence of alcohol, state of Ohio seven times. I'm going to tell you the head that I brought into Alcoholics Anonymous, if you're new in here, I'm a comparer when I get here, or I'm not identifying, right? And I come into AlcoholicsAnonymous, my disease is still active, I haven't worked the steps yet, and it don't like y'all. And it wants me out of here. So I start listening to people and saying, that didn't happen to me. That didn't happened to me? I told my sponsor, I got a sponsor. I said, but I don't think I belong here. He says, why? I said because I didn't lose my house. I didn''t lose my car. I didn't lose my family. He said, you don't have any of those things. You've never had them. I heard a guy speaking to me and he had 18 convictions for driving under the influence of alcohol in the state of Ohio. You know what I thought to myself? I knew it. That proves it. I don't belong here. I only had seven. Thank God for good sponsorship. but um at the end of my drinking no baths no showers um i drank for 18 years dropped dead when i was 27 they had to put the paddles on me to bring me back to life i laid in the hospital with tears running down the side of my face i said god if you let me live i never do this again and i meant it as much as i mean it today two hours spent 48 hours in the cardiac unit, put me in a regular room. Two hours later, I'm doing the same thing in the room. Anybody here relate to that? You know what I thought when they took me out of the cardiac unit? Whoo, that was close. But I'm all right now. This calls for a celebration. i got sentenced to five years in the state penitentiary and i stood before a judge who told me my uncle my mother's brother was the mayor of our town for god's sake this is the kind of family i come from i know your uncle i know you're not a good man but i know that you're a good person know your father before i throw you away i'm gonna give you one more chance i'm going to place you on a period of indefinite probation and one dirty urine. You're reported every Friday, one dirty urine, so much as an aspirin, and I'm sending you down for five and I ain't shocking you out because this is ridiculous. One of the worst records we've seen in here. And I walked out of the courthouse, tears in my eyes saying, thank you God, I'll never drink again. Next Friday, I go to report to adult probation for the first time. I get off work at 8 a.m., they open at 9 a.m. I got an hour to kill. As I'm driving across town, here's the thought that occurred to me. You know they say they never test you on your first time reporting. They don't think anybody's that stupid. Who was they? And I staggered into adult probation with five years hanging over my head and I didn't do that because I'd rather be drunk than sober I didn' t do that because I' d rather be incarcerated than free I did it because I'm powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable if I had the power to quit drinking on my own I'd have never come to AA why should I? It don't matter what I want to do I'm going to work today you know what my disease say don't you? No you ain't I'm gonna pay these bills no you ain' t i'm a guy who drinks to the exclusion of life when i came to you i had never had anything i had a job and the only reason i had that job is because i had union to protect me i had nothing i didn't have a car i didn'T live in a house i lived in a spot the last three years i was desperately trying to quit i went to church i read inspirational books i read the bible i have a bible in this hand and a miller high life in this end i could not shut it off. And it came to a point where I just gave up. And I lived in a place that I like to call the gray area. There's no day, no night, no right, no wrong, no good, no evil, no God, no devil. The three most prominent words in my vocabulary when I came to you was I don't care and I meant it. And i believe that's as far away from God as a human being can get. I was prayed in here. I had what they call a moment of clarity or a moment of sanity. There's a guy in Cleveland, six-pack Charlie Kitchen, and Charlie says that that's the moment when God paralyzes the liar in you long enough for you to see the truth. And I come out of the pump lounge. It was a day like any other day, and I got in the car. My brother was driving, and all of a sudden my head cleared up, and this is what I saw. Kent, if you don't stop drinking, you're going to die. You better get some help because you're running out of time, and you can't do it by yourself out of nowhere. It's like that. And I'm suffering from alcohol poisoning. I drank Old Granddad, and I'd take a shot of Granddad. And that was coughing all this white stuff up, which was pure alcohol. My liver and pancreas were no longer functioning. My body is now rejecting what my mind is obsessed with. I was 32 years old, and I was dying of alcoholism. And I went home that night, and I called the guy who was my best drinking buddy in college. He's a doctor today. I owed him $5,000. Hadn't paid him a dime. His wife answered the phone, and this is what she said and how she said it. Richard is Ken. and rich got on the phone and i said rich is your boy man i need some help and this is what he said to me he said man i've been waiting for this call for seven or eight years pack a bag stay by the phone i got you and he is not a member of this fellowship you. When I get a call from the North Central Intergroup Office of Alcoholics Anonymous in Ohio at three o'clock in the morning, you know what I tell the guy on the other end, don't you? Pack a bag, stay by the phone, I got you. And for that, I am responsible. He told me he's going to put me in treatment in Xenia, Ohio. That was three hours away from me down by Dayton. My brother and his wife drove me down there. I'm in the back seat. I got a case of Genesee beer. I didn't know too much about this treatment thing, but I have figured out on my own they wasn't serving no liquor down there. And I got a couple of them cold jennies in me as we was heading down I-75 and I had a visit from the enemy, my thinking, and here is the thought that occurred to me. You know, I just may have overreacted here. Anybody relate to that? Give me a couple of drinks boom effect produced by a sense of ease and comfort uh but what i didn't know is my dad told my brother and his wife i give you a hundred dollars you don't bring that tramp back here that's a true story so they refused to turn the car around and we got down there and uh richard put me in his car and he bought me a quarter millers he drove me from centerville to xenia and we pulled in the parking lot of that hospital i had that much left in that court he put his car in park he turned he looked at me got the biggest smile ever seen on his face He said, go ahead, dog, finish that and don't ask me, I know it, man. He said the last drink you ever take. After 17th of May, 1992, I've not had another drop of alcohol or anything stronger than aspirin since that day. And that is because of you and God and this program because it works. Because it works if you knew here. Relapse is not a requirement for recovery, nor is it a part of recovery where I live at. people come to meetings and they stand up and they reintroduce themselves I'm John Doe I have relapsed, I am reintroducing myself and I raise my hand and I say well John can I ask you a couple of questions sure Kent, I said John do you have a sponsor no you have a home group John no if you work the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous as outlined in the book and apply them to your life a day at a time to the best of your ability? No. Well, what did you relapse from? If a relapse is a return to a prior condition and the prior condition is untreated alcoholism and the treatment for alcoholism is a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps and you haven't done that you ain't relapsed you've continued to drink and we need to stop saying people are coming and saying I've been to AA and it don't work No, why don't you tell the truth? I attended some AA meetings. I didn't do anything that was suggested and I continued to drink. I spent 35 days in a 28-day program. I'll tell you how that went. 28 days was up to cut my insurance off. They called up to the Ford plant. They said, you know, we don't think kids really need a hospital. You know what they said to the plant? We don't either. And I got out of there and I came home and I played the most dangerous game there is to play in Alcoholics Anonymous. It's called don't drink, go to meetings and don't do nothing else. I put my arm through a window. I cut an artery in my arm. I start bleeding all over the floor. I put a towel on my arm I drive myself to the hospital. I run in the emergency room and sit down. The doctor comes out. He says, come on back, Mr. Coleman. We'll treat you now. I sit there in the emergency room, bleeding to death, look at the doctor and say, no, thank you. I'll just sit here. And I bleed to death in the Emergency Room. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Emergency Raum. I have been an alcoholic long enough now, anonymous now. I have watched people who attend these meetings on a daily basis die of untreated alcoholism before my very eyes. The treatment of the disease I suffer from is a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, period. We got a lot of stuff in here that I talked about earlier That supports that That are support mechanisms for that But the bottom line is The spiritual awakening as a result of these steps If you're an alcoholic of my type And I went to 250 AA meetings In three months and ended up In the parking lot at Daily's Pub Vibrating, I wanted to drink so bad And I said my first prayer in that car God what am I doing wrong I'm going to three meetings a day Like a lightning bolt What are you doing right If you go to three meetings a day, you hear it every day. Get a sponsor, read the book, work the steps, get a home group, help others. I ain't do none of that. I treat it like a cigarette-smoking, donut-dunking coffee clutch. And instead of walking in to Daly's Pub, I turned the key in that car because I knew where to go and I knew who to go to. And I went to Bill, and I said, will you help me? And this is what he told me. He said, I will take you through the book the same way my sponsor did me. He said, I will show you how I apply these steps in my daily walk. And the rest will be up to you. He looked at me and he said, bury yourself knee deep. He said no, no scratch that. Bury yourself shoulder deep in this thing called AA so you can't teeter and fall. And I've been shoulder deep and AA from that day to this. and um my uh my parents have died since i've been sober was divorced at 20 years sober um life has been life i want to share something with you before i get down from here in a second and it's very simply this nothing in my life will ever get better or precede my spiritual well-being i can't my whatever the outer conditions of my life are they're going to be pain misery and confusion you i can'T get anything better out here until i address what's in here which is the purpose of our steps and that's what i've learned in here i made amends to my parents before i buried them um my mom was sober two years my dad was sober i was sober 18 years when my dad died. And there was nothing left on the table. Got married in here, three years sober, got two daughters out of that, beautiful girls, 19 and 14 now. I always say that they look like my ex-wife and my mother combined. They're beautiful little girls, act just like me, stay tuned. But my girls are really good girls. And got divorced at 20 years sober. Moved to Las Vegas, stayed out there for a while. I'm back in Ohio now. I want to conclude and say this. Whatever comes to your next door neighbor's door is going to come to yours. Life is going to continue to be life. But I got a power that's greater. We was talking, I was talking before the meeting. I don't leave home in the morning wondering what's out there waiting on me. I know what I'm bringing out there I'm bringing something out there that's bigger than anything that's going to be out there waiting on me and that's the way that I live my life today and and life is good in spite of my own thinking if I said anything that helped anybody today thank God don't thank me if I didn't say nothing to help you today guess what it's some more meetings this weekend god does not make too hard turns with those who seek him god could and would if he were sought abandon yourself to god as you understand god admit your false to him and to your fellows clear away the wreckage of your past give freely of what you find and join us we should be with you in the fellowship of the spirit and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny. May God bless you and keep you until then. Bye, Atlanta.