The Statistics That Haven’t Changed in Fifteen Years – 1958 – Harold H.

And certainly I'm not going to stand here and elucidate and give him applauded when the man speaks for himself and speaks very well. I give you now the Senator, United States Senator Harold Hughes from Iowa. Thank you very much Mr. Chairman and the members of the clergy, Your Excellency the Mayor, members of the General Assembly, and your lovely ladies and ladies and gentlemen. I'm pleased to have this opportunity to join you this evening. I listened to some of the conversation here earlier and it was mentioned that perhaps some people in the back of the room could not hear over this microphone unless they were in the back of the room. Unless you almost swallowed it in the process of talking. I would like to ask if you can hear me at this point in the rear of the room. Can you hear me back there? You know I'm a little reluctant ever to ask that question. I remember what a good friend of mine, a former governor of Nebraska, told me. He was at a meeting out in western Nebraska one night in an armory building and he noticed a vague look on the people in the back of the room and he was about half way through his speech so he interrupted it and he said, Can you hear me back there? And one of the men stood up and said, No we can't. And almost immediately a man stood up in the front row and said, I can and I'll trade places. Well after Frank told me that story I've always been reluctant to inquire about whether anyone can hear in the back of the room. You know Frank was a typical politician of that era of that part of the country. One morning I was in his hotel room while he was finishing dressing and I noticed one of his suspenders was twisted. And it was a campaign year and I said, Frank you have your suspenders on crooked, you better straighten it out. And he said, Hell man I carry my coat over my arm and that twisted suspender is worth more votes than anything I say today. It relates me with the common man on the street. You know it's indeed a pleasure to have this opportunity to visit with you and to join you for this intergroup meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I would simply restate what Bill said at the introduction. What I say here tonight is I hope we'll be left here at the level of press, radio or television unless I should recite some statistics or something that are a matter of common knowledge that everyone uses anyway. It reminds me somewhat of the old saying, it reminds me somewhat of some of the classified material we get out of the Pentagon. If we took the Hong Kong newspaper we could read it any day of the week. But if we get it out of the Pentagon it's classified. But nevertheless my name has not been classified in this relationship. And when I return to Florida I'm reminded of two things. The earliest a very sad experience. I was picked up here in 1954 for driving while intoxicated. Uh... That developed later in one of my campaigns as an accusation that I told a lie about my recovery. And it had happened 12 years prior to that time. Which was a painful experience for me. And yet the other experience was even more painful. In 1963 when it had become public knowledge, you know, I am an alcoholic. And I use the basic methods that all of you do to maintain an equilibrium and a way of life that I enjoy. And over those years I realized when I first entered public life that everyone knew I'd had trouble with liquor. That knew me. That if I was going to be a candidate for public office that it was very difficult. So I called the state press corps together and I basically told them the fact that I was a recovered alcoholic. That I was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. That I did not want them to print anything about it. That I was not committed to the public service. And that I was a member of the public service. That I was not trying to conceal any of the facts about the fact that I'd had difficulty drinking. That I had an erratic drinking pattern and been in trouble repeatedly over a period of years in my life. And they respected that for over six years until publicly a candidate running against me accused me of a violation of truth, you know, in the story of recovery. And then of course they were compelled to write the story. Well back in 1963 I was confronted with a decision. One of the nation's large magazines, Look Magazine, was doing a story about me as the governor of my state. They wanted my permission to write the story of my recovery from alcoholism. I could not stop them from writing the story because as a public official anything I do or anything I have done is a matter of public inspection. Regardless of what it is, whether I like it or whether I don't. So I decided the better of the two evils would be to cooperate with them. And allow them to do the story and to assist them and hope they would do it properly. Which they assured me they would. So the story was written with the intention that it would come out in the April issue 1964. I was a candidate for re-election as governor of my state that year. And daily news events kept kicking the story out of the magazine. And it appeared on the market two weeks before the election. And I literally went to the magazine and said, I went home and laid down and cried. I thought that was the end of everything. You know, as far as my career was concerned, my hopes at the time and what it was. For this story to hit the market two weeks before election day. And of course a week following that was when I was attacked by the man who was running against me. For this discrepancy in the story which was a matter of reporting. And I really then, you know, felt very bad about the whole thing. But I won that election by the biggest plurality ever given a political candidate in my state. In all of its history. The people of my state did not hold against me the problem of alcohol that I had faced in recovery. But the sad moment occurred in the letter I got from the secretary of a group of Alcoholics Anonymous here in your state of Florida. And I got many letters chastising me and criticizing me. All the way from the national office down to individual AA members over the country. For letting it be written publicly that I was affiliated and associated with Alcoholics Anonymous. But this one was indeed a very bad letter written supposedly for the group. In which it said something like this. You dirty SOB, I hope you're drunk by the time you get this letter. Because you have violated the tenets of the institution we belong to. You're not deserving of sobriety. And I trust that you will not long retain it. You know, I couldn't believe that a recovered alcoholic could write that to another recovered alcoholic. And feel that they had ever begun to take the steps in Alcoholics Anonymous. And hope for their own mental equilibrium as well as their own spiritual equilibrium. But it again shows the most of the difficulty I've had in my life. The difficulty I've had over the years in working with alcoholics has not been from the general public but from alcoholics. Well that's the gospel, that's the truth. Everyone is jealous of everyone else and that's against everything we are taught or believe in. And yet when I tried to institute a statewide program on alcoholism in my own state of Iowa. You know where I got the trouble? From the groups around me. From the groups around the state. Everyone jealous of their own little area, their own little prerogative and their own little separate way of life which for them was the only way. And the hell with everybody else. If you don't go my way, you're not going to make it. Well you know I can only say one thing to all of you who are alcoholics here tonight. My way may not keep any one of you sober. And I don't want you to adopt my way as your way. What I say that you like, you don't like. What I say that you like or you can relate to, accept it. What I say that offends you, leave it. What I say that may confuse you, consider it. Over the time that is ahead, then reject it if you don't like it. Accept it if you do or forget it. But don't let it bother you. Don't get hot under the collar about it, for God's sake. You know we spent too many years getting hot under the collar about everything in the world. So I began to realize, of course, that I was wrong. I began to realize, of course, that if we were ever going to really understand each other, and of course being a democrat, you know, by political philosophy, I was not strange to the idea that we spend our time fighting each other rather than the enemy. And so I was more or less well equipped for it. I never really had to worry about the republicans in my state. I knew what they thought of me. The democrats that I had to watch carefully because I was never sure about them. But as we move along this course of looking at alcohol for what it is to us, and I'll relate just some of my own experiences to you as a matter of common interest with all of us, because you and I are here because we want to live. And for me to drink was to die. I was an alcoholic from the first drink I ever took. I never had a normal drink in my life that I can ever recall. From the first time that I ever imbibed in an alcoholic beverage, I drank abnormally. I did not realize it at the time. I was very young. There were a lot of emotional factors involved in my life and in all lives at that time, right prior to World War II. But as the years progressed and I realized, and of course no one was talking about Alcoholics Anonymous in those days. It was young in its infancy. And alcoholism was considered a moral weakness. You know, and the Irish had a saying, how strong is your weakness? And we used to call it an Irish disease. But those days are past. Now we realize that it's infiltrated all the nations of the earth. And they were all represented here. What? I suddenly realized that I had something that was different about me when it came to drinking alcohol. So I tried everything, you know. But you have tried. I've heard that if you eat a lot of butter, you can drink a lot. Well, I ate it by the pound and it didn't help a damn thing. I heard that if you ate about two pounds of beefsteak, you could hold a lot of booze. Well, I ate stuff myself with beefsteak. And the same thing happened. I heard that, you know, that there were certain combinations, you could drink and maintain your sobriety. Well, I never found that combination, but I drank the god-awful combinations you could ever dream up in your life, searching for it. And it came down to the fact, finally, that I decided, you know, it must be the quantity I drank. And it, certainly there was no lack of quantity. I drank plenty. And my wife used to wonder how I got drunk on two drinks. You know, when we were going someplace, my wife didn't drink, and you fellows know that's a handicap. A big handicap. At least when you're progressing into alcoholism, it's sometimes a great help when you're progressing out of it. But I used to make sure that I had plenty under my belt and was steeled for it. And then, of course, I always had the various places of hiding things, you know, so you can find it when you need it, or it's located where you can get a fast one on the way in and out of it. Or whatever it might be. And then took the equal number with everyone else where they publicly observed you drinking. So obviously, she was quite curious about how I could get so damn loaded and everyone else was just pleasantly sociable. You know, but over the years, I realized that I was in bad shape. I suffered blackouts from my teenage days on. Total loss of memory. I couldn't even remember taking the first drink. In later years, when I drank, I never remembered how I got started even. What set me off again. But I was an erotic drinker. I could quit. I proved that 300 times at least. I did quit. I quit for a week. I quit for a month. I quit for six months. I quit once for 14 months. And that proved to me that I was not an alcoholic because I could quit. And then I'd start in again and I'd say, well, I'll have two drinks. So I'd have two drinks. And I'd get by with this for maybe a month. And then I could say, well, anyone can have a drink every 30 minutes and not get drunk. If you just watch the clock and don't take one over every 30 minutes, you're going to be all right. So I watched the clock 24 hours a day. And then I figured out, you know, that it must not be that the time factor has anything to do with it. It must be a combination of factors, you know, eating, time, and everything else. I woke up one day 150 miles from home, called my wife on the telephone, said I was terribly sorry I was late, but I was going to start home immediately. I'd been called out of town for business. And she said, do you realize what time of the day it is? And I'd looked at my watch and it said 9 o'clock. And I said, yes, 9 o'clock in the morning. And she said, it's 9 o'clock at night. Do you know what day it is? And then I was troubled, you know, because I realized that maybe I didn't know what day it is, and that was a lot worse. And I said, what day is it? And she said, you've been gone three days. And I didn't remember anything about those three days. And I had three or four fifths of whiskey sitting out in the hotel room, plus a supply of mix. I got up and poured it all out and decided, you know, that I had to do something. That something had happened to me that I'd lost all account of everything that I was doing. I won't go into some of the gory details of the sickness and the hopelessness. But I used to get up in the morning and crawl to the window and look out and wonder if I'd got the car home. And if it wasn't out there, I didn't know how I'd got home. Or if it was, I'd go out later on and look it over to see if there were any dents on it, wonder if I'd hit anything or anybody. I never remember it. I never remember it driving at home. I had the capability of killing someone very easily, and I knew that. And I was still a young man. And I prayed for help, but I really didn't want to quit drinking. Everyone I knew drank. I couldn't envision a life without drinking. How would I ever face my friends if I no longer drank? And yet I somehow knew that if I drank, I would die. I thought the same thoughts all of you had, the deathly sickness, the loss, the promises that you meant and didn't keep. How many times I promised my lovely wife, you know, that it'll never happen again, and meant it when I said it, from the bottom of my heart, and begged and pleaded, you know, give me one more chance. This will not happen again. Sometimes it didn't last three days and it happened again. And she tried, and I tried, and I just couldn't make it. I couldn't live and drink. And I realized that. So I realized there was only one way of life for me, and that was a life without alcohol. I didn't know why. I didn't know why I was different than other people. Well, without belaboring you with the details of that, just suffice it to say that I only repeat that to show you that in my early years, I was a practicing alcoholic in the nth degree. And that's the only way I could live. And I didn't know why. I didn't know why. And that when I arrived at the conclusion, and I knew for the last five years I drank that I was destroying myself, and everything I loved, and everyone around me that I loved, and I had to do something about it. But I couldn't find a way to do anything about it. And finally, the separation from alcohol and myself became a permanent fixture. But I did not join AA. I quit. Cold turkey. And to AA members, this is a thing many of them don't like me to say, particularly to new members. But I thought AA was a bunch of bums. And I didn't think I was a bum. You know, the alcoholic is always the guy next to you on the barroom stool. He's not you. And I didn't want to be affiliated with those guys. I'll tell you how I got into AA. About a year and a half later, a man's father came to see me, and he said, you quit drinking, and my son is destroying himself with liquor, and you're a good friend of his. I'd like for you to tell him, you know, how he can quit, how he can stay sober. So again, I went and talked to him. I couldn't get it to him, you know, that he could stay sober, because I didn't know anything about staying sober myself. I finally said to him, you know, there's an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting over in a town 40 miles away. I've heard about it. Let's go over there tonight, together, you know. I said, surely you don't think you're any better than I am. And he said, no. And I said, well, hell, if I'm willing to go, you ought to be able to go. You know, rationalizing the fact that we weren't both going to be tainted by it. At least I'd be tainted with him. So finally he agreed, and I said, I'll pick you up at 6 o'clock. The meeting started at 8. And at 5.30, his wife called me and said things changed his mind. And I said, the hell he has. Well, I said, you tell him we're going to that meeting, and I'll pick him up at 6 o'clock. And if he doesn't go, he's going to have to whip me. We got on the telephone, and he said, you big so-and-so, I will whip you if you show up down here. You know, and I said, fine, I'll wear my old clothes, and we'll have a go at it, because we're going to Storm Lake. If I don't go, I'll be fired. So I went. Well, I didn't. I went down to pick him up, and he was ready to go. And we got over there, and we went into the meeting, and, geez, did I meet a bunch of old friends. I want to tell you. People I hadn't seen for years, and I wondered what had happened to them, you know. They were all there. They were there. And they welcomed me with open arms, you know. And all were saying, gee, we wondered when you were going to see the light, you know. And you're long overdue. And I didn't think I was as bad as they were. Still didn't. I'd watched them drink. They were something to behold, I'll tell you. Well, needless to say, I sat there and listened. And I don't know who that guy was that talked that night, but he preached right down my throat. Every word he said was aimed at me, and I knew it. He was talking about me. I didn't know how he could know so much about me, because he hadn't been with me. Well, suffice it to say that I recognized the fact that these were beautiful and good people, and that I belonged there. And those days, I don't know what they do here, but we had a chip awarding ceremony. And they asked me to come up to give me a chip, and I refused to take it. I told them no. I didn't know whether I belonged in Alcoholics Anonymous or not. I wanted to think about it a while. Well, I went back the next week with my friend, and I accepted the chip the second week, with the little oratory that goes with it and what to do with it, you know, if you ever drink and so on. And my friend and I progressed. Well, I later started a group of Alcoholics Anonymous in my hometown of 2,300 people. And when I left that little town, we had 46 members every week in that town of 2,300 people that were coming in to the weekly meetings in the basement of my office building. And we had a very good group going, and I was very happy and very pleased about it. Those years for me, I went through all the experiences you did. After about two years, I went out to sober up the world. You know, and I really beat the sawdust past, and I stuck my nose in other people's business till hell couldn't stand it. I got told to get out and mind my own business more times than you'll ever know. Wives called me, you know, and said, come and get my husband. He needs what you got. And I'd go get John, and John would kick me out. You know, I suddenly realized that I was making more enemies than I was helping people to come into the fellowship. So I better start taking another approach to it. So I slowed up on that and got off of that pink cloud a little bit and started looking at the reality of taking care of myself first and worrying about those who wanted help a little later on. I'll never remember the different effects that people have in recovering from drinking. I mean, I'll never forget it. I remember the brother of a very good friend of mine who had gone to one of the hospitals, and they brought him back through the capital city when I was there, and he looked to me like he was dying. He was just in misery and sweating profusely. He couldn't eat, you know, and shaking all over. And his brother says, well, boy, I'm not going to let him have a drink, you know. I'm going to stay with him the rest of his life if I have to. And I said, brother, you will have to. This man does need a drink, and I'd advise you to go ahead and let him have one. And then let's see if we can't talk him into going someplace for help. Well, he did go for help, and he stayed sober a few months, and then he fell off the wagon. His brother called me to come see him, and I went down to this little town 150 miles away to talk to him. This guy, his father was with me. He was 81 years old, crying in the backseat of the car and begging and pleading with me. And I said to him, Joe, you know, I'm recommending to your father that he commit you to the same institution. I don't know of any other course they can take. You've destroyed everything you have. You're broke. You've spent all the money the family has got. You're going to kill yourself. And he looked at me, and he said, I'm going to hit you so hard you stick to my fist. And I said, Joe, go ahead. But remember, when you hit me, I'm going to hit you. I'm going to hit back. He jumped in his car and drove off down the highway, and his father wept. And to this day, that man has never had a drink again, nor has he ever attended another AA meeting. He never went back. But he is sober. And I pray that one day he will again accept the fellowship which he had. And he's over his anger at me, I believe. I see him quite frequently, and we're very good friends. But I've never been able to talk him into going back to a meeting. Well, alcoholism is a strange disease. All of you are conversant with it. It's a triple fat disease, physical, emotional, and spiritual. It's a disease that affects the total man, and that you can't just correct a small part of it and walk with your equilibrium. Detoxification centers, which have now become the modern thing, can dry a man out. We've even almost got it to the point where the DTs are unknown in modern cities that they have the right scientific medical facilities to get people to it. to get people to. In a matter of three to four days, a person can be restored to enough health that he can really physically go out and drink again for a month, and many of them are doing it that way and back into the detoxification center and out on the street again because they are not accepting the follow-through programs that are essential to go with it. But as we moved through this sort of a breakthrough in the last decade, really, when this has all happened, and we have moved through all of this, there has never been a replacement for AA. AA is the compatible component that fits into every program that I know of that has been devised. Now, over the years, I've seen develop around this country some wonderful institutions, private and public. Some of them are right here in the state of Florida. I've seen many programs began to develop in the country. I was just telling Bill here at the beginning, I still see the same statistics quoted about alcoholism today that were being quoted when I first came into the fellowship. Fifteen years ago, they were saying then there was five and a half million alcoholics, and today the National Institute of Mental Health is still saying there are five and a half million alcoholics. Population has grown by 40 million people in the country, and the individual consumption of alcohol has gone up, but they still quote five and a half million alcoholics. In my opinion, it's closer to 12 million. Statistically, as you know, we affect an average of three people around us drastically in this disease of alcoholism. We drag them down with us. So if you add to that another 36 million people affected by it, with the 12 million that I'm convinced at least there are in this country, we've got close to 50 million people disastrously affected by chronic alcoholism in this country. It's been called only this last year by Dr. Roger Eckeberg the nation's number one health problem. In America today, I could go on quoting statistics from now till doomsday about what he does, and I'm sure you'll remember that. Over 50% of the men and women in our prison institutions are there because of a crime they committed while under the influence of alcohol. 40% of the beds in our mental health institutes are filled with alcoholics. One in every six beds of veterans' hospitals in this country is filled with an alcoholic patient. I just read a report of two scientists yesterday in which they estimate that one out of every 10 miles driven in this country on our highways is driven by an alcoholic driver. Over 25% of the men and women in our prison institutions are there because of chronic alcoholism. And yet, there is no great debate waging in this country about what do we do about alcoholism. You talk about Vietnam and killing 10,000 men a year and the immorality of a war, and we have torn a country asunder with it. And yet, 25,000 people die and only the individual families weep. No state legislature has ever taken a massive control of it. The country is in a state of shock. Congress passed the National Alcoholism Rehabilitation Act in 1968. In 1968, yes. President Johnson recommended $4 million to implement it. President Nixon cut out the $4 million. The Congress stuck back in the $4 million, and that's 20 cents per year per patient per alcoholic in this country. Men have been dying for 10,000 years in the alleys and gutters from alcoholism. Damned, condemned in the Bible, damned in the Bible, paper, families boycotting them, no one wanting anything to do with them. And yet, what are we? Who are we? The finest people I know are alcoholics. The most honest, the most sincere, the most reliable, the highest strung, the finest tuned people I have ever met have recovered from this disease of alcoholism. In every person, in every profession you can name, we have an American Association of Alcoholic Physicians. I remember listening to a psychiatrist talk who said that he had himself committed 6,000 patients to his state mental health institution for alcoholism in his state and suddenly realized he was worse than most of his patients and joined AA himself. And as a result, can you get the American Hospital Association to say, yes, we will accept hospital patients for treatment? But that isn't true. They will not. We will accept them around the country. The American Medical Association says alcoholism is a disease and it is our policy to treat it as such. But nine out of ten physicians, in fact, would not touch an alcoholic patient with a ten-foot pole if, in fact, he was not a patient for some other thing. I've tried since I've been in Washington to get a doctor to call on a man I thought was dying in a hospital room who was a millionaire of alcoholism and I couldn't get a doctor to come and see him. And I was a United States doctor. I was a U.S. Senator. We finally did get one who was a recovered alcoholic himself to come and see the man who I was convinced was going to die unless he got medical aid. But what is happening in the country? Has anything changed? Is the stigma of alcoholism as such as it always was? You know, in some centers, we can more easily talk about syphilis and gonorrhea than you can talk about alcoholism and be more publicly acceptable in the fact that it is a social disease that something can be done about. But the truth of the matter is an alcoholic is no more difficult to treat than anyone else. Insurance companies should be writing insurance to cover the disease of alcoholism. I have searched the records to the best of my ability. I have not found one veteran of our country that's been discharged from the service on the basis of alcoholism. Yet many of them put in 20, 25, and 30 years and get the boot because of alcoholism. If they had a heart attack, they'd be fully covered out and it would not be treated. It's a discipline problem. But they got the disease of alcoholism in the service and then they go down the chute as a moral weakling. Yes, we have a big job ahead of us. We have a big job ahead of us in mass public education. People say they understand. They say that we have removed the stigma that is now publicly acceptable. You know that you... But they got the disease of alcoholism in the service and then they go down the chute as a moral weakling. Yes, we have a big job ahead of us. We have a big job ahead of us in mass public education. People say they understand. They say that we have removed the stigma that is now publicly acceptable. You know that you can admit that you're an alcoholic and people won't run from you. I went to a convention in New York City, one of the national conventions. As a matter of fact, for the physically handicapped, I was the only one who was able to get a job. I was the only one who was able to get a job. I was the only one who was able to get a job. And the board of directors, knowing I was a recovered alcoholic, said to me, said, you know, I walked out of the hotel this morning and there was an alcoholic laying in the street just about thirty feet from the door of this big hotel in New York City. Can you imagine that? I said, what did you do? The person responded, I walked around them, avoided them. I said, how do you know that person didn't have a heart attack? I said, how do you know that person didn't have a heart attack? And you could see the expression on the face. And you could see the expression on the face. You know, it suddenly dawned on the person that perhaps it could have been anything. Maybe the person wasn't drunk. Many things have the characteristics of intoxication Many things have the characteristics of intoxication when people fall and are afflicted in the street. when people fall and are afflicted in the street. But only the alcoholic is left to lie there and die. But only the alcoholic is left to lie there and die. Everyone else gets immediate prompt service from the best attendants they can get. But if you have the smell of alcohol on you, you may well lie in there for a while. You may well lie in there for a while. And if not, when you go to the jail, And if not, when you go to the jail, it may be worse. It could be worse. I imagine if we had the collect days and nights in jail that have been served by some of the people in these offices it would run into quite a few years. I mean in this room, it would run into quite a few years. I mean in this room, it would run into quite a few years. But to show you what can be done, I have, as a matter of fact, personally, I spoke at a meeting here a couple of weeks ago I have, as a matter of fact, personally, in my own capital city, in my own capital city, in my own state, a man came to me and he said, Governor, I want to thank you for one thing. He said, I have been arrested 422 times I have been arrested 422 times for drunkenness. And I am sober because you led the way. And I am sober because you led the way. And I've been sober two years and he's working in a rehabilitation program and doing a tremendous job. Well, if we would figure the cost that that cost to that city, an average of $100 to spend to bring the person up, arrest them, take them to jail, book them, spend the night in the tank, the time before the judge, the automatic release, an average of $100 a time. And what did he cost that city in handling that problem of alcoholism and doing nothing for him but hauling him back down to the riverfront where he could get some more white lightning as soon as he could bum 50 cents and make it down the side street to buy it. We ultimately are realizing there is another way that we can do something about this problem that there is no reason that people should die from alcoholism anymore and we're beginning to face it. And in facing it, those of us who have gained our sobriety through this wonderful fellowship of AA are going to have to exercise a great deal of tolerance because there is a place for the recovering alcoholic and he can be helped by many people who are not themselves alcoholics. And though we have a place in the program and we are compatible with every program I've ever seen developed and believe we always will be, we are not the only way in the beginning to get a person to start down this road. And as a result of that, I hope many of us who have attained and achieved some recovery and mental equilibrium will drop some of the intolerance we've had to those others who want to be of assistance and help because unless the people who have never had a problem with alcohol in this country are willing to reach out a hell hand and say, you have, we will never achieve anything in a major breakthrough in this disease. We know enough about alcoholism today that we could put on television every night of the week just like we do for cancer, alright, watch for these things. If any of these things happen to you when you drink, the probability is that you're an alcoholic. And people can identify those signs if they will read them. If I had been able to see those signs five years before I quit drinking, I might have had a chance to quit drinking for years I didn't even have an idea why I couldn't drink. To this day, I'm not sure why I never had a normal drink in my life. I've become convinced and I have one medical researcher's testimony that in his opinion up to 30% of alcoholics are alcoholics because of a biochemical imbalance in their system. We need research. We need research in the field of body chemistry and biochemical imbalances. We need research in other areas in the field of alcoholism and it can be accomplished. What I am saying is that it takes a combination of those of us who have made the grade, those of us who are still struggling and those who are not in any way in contact with the disease of alcoholism to make this major breakthrough in the history of mankind and a disease that has afflicted mankind from its very beginning. I'm tempted to go on and relate the problem of alcohol in this country to many of the other problems but I won't belabor you with that tonight. I simply want to say to you that when I sit in a room that probably has 700 people in them and probably 75% of them are recovered alcoholics that it is a great feeling to me not to be able to identify who is the alcoholic and who is not. To see those who have achieved great success after their recovery to see those who really never went down the drain but were able to find a way before they had completely destroyed themselves to see those who really destroyed themselves lost their family, their friends, their jobs their opportunity and were institutionalized and were able to find a way to make a difference. I've been in this business sometimes for dozens of times before they began their way out of it and yet to see them all achieve the equilibrium and balance and the hope and the happiness that you people have achieved because it's in this achievement that you have set the way. I once listened to a veterinarian who I had attended meetings with every week for four years and he said to me one night he said, you know I feel terrible I've been coming to these meetings for four years I've never really bought a new man into AA and I said, Doc I want to tell you something if you knew the number of people that had said to me you know, look at Doc he's sober by God if that guy can quit drinking anyone can you know and I said, Doc all you got to do is walk up and down the street every day sober you know, no one may approach you because they probably you know don't want to hurt your feelings by asking you what happened but you're a living example for these people of the fact that you are sober you're working you're contributing and he said, well I never thought of it that way and this man really had been reluctant to even speak in an AA meeting and he did open up and he did start speaking and right today most of the meetings in that town are held in his home and he has been a great contributing factor to the sobriety of many people in their hope of achieving a way out of this jungle we call alcoholism now I've rambled here tonight ladies and gentlemen but I'd like to leave you, if I might with some thoughts in another vein to me the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is a vitally important program I'll try not to keep you much longer but I want to tell you what it means to me to me it meant a way of life a way of life that I returned to, not that I found one that I had a conception of in my early years and that I lost completely I didn't believe there was a God I thought if there was a God he could not let this may pain and misery and war and destruction rain on the face of the earth and the suffering of mankind and the hatred and the bitterness that I had experienced in my own life but I knew also that there had to be something better than that and in taking these twelve steps I suddenly realized that the conclusion of one of the last steps was that having taken these steps I had a spiritual awakening I realized that if I'd really taken them something should have happened to me so I went back and I started through them again and without belaboring each step point by point I'll simply say that to examine your lives is ultimately important and I'm not familiar with the poems and the quotations and I won't go through those at all you've attended enough meetings to have heard all of them but we know that we have to really find what we are we had an identity problem who am I? what am I here for? what is the purpose in my being? if there is one, what happened? so we start uncovering ourself and a man explained it to me years ago, he said, you know it's something like a head of cabbage when you were born a pure and clean spirit then all of the little things started insulating the heart and the overlays became like the leaves on the head of cabbage and each thing we did wrong over the years was another layer of insulation insulating us from the God as we understand him the spiritual force of the universe the cosmic consciousness, whatever God is to you and as these things build up over the years and we contributed more and more to them we could not break this inner barrier from the heart of our own spirit to communicate with God as we understand him and realizing that communication and prayer is a part of the program and that if I am to speak to God I know of only one way to do it and that is through prayer and that it is going to be a communication with God that it isn't a monologue it's a dialogue, I not only say something to God I want to hear something in return prayer had been like shouting in a rain barrel, I got an empty echo of my own words, no response and I figured well something is wrong some place I can't do better than this so I suddenly realized I had to peel off those leaves of insulation which meant not only taking my inventory and going back through the years but actually physically seeking out those people I could that I felt that I had wronged and making the amends and forcing myself to do it I had one man that I was so bitter at that I really found out that I was enjoying hating him I wanted to reserve the right to hate that one man I didn't want to correct that situation in my opinion he deserved to be hated and I was just the man that had the right to do it, I had been hurt the most in the process that it developed so for a number of years I kept this little corner of my mind reserving the right to be bitter at a few select individuals never really willing to cross that line because those guys really had it coming and most of you know the feeling or maybe some of you are feeling it right now but anyway if you have reserved that corner of resentment I'd ask you to open that door to unlock it to look at it and you'll find out that the person that it hurt is not him but you and that you will have brought back on yourself the feelings you have reserved for him so I went to this individuals office and I took the elevator up and I walked in the door and I said I knew he was going to blow up and I said just give me ten minutes time I've got something I want to say to you and don't interrupt me and I apologized and I asked his forgiveness he looked at me and then he told me off he read my pedigree right down to the nth degree better than it had been read in many a year and I said well I'm sorry you feel this way but I came to say to you that there's no longer any ill will on my part no longer any bad feelings and I apologize and I hope that one day you will find forgiveness for what you consider I have done to you and I left and I walked down the stairs because I was emotionally shook up after that time of contact when I got to the bottom he was standing in the foyer waiting for me with tears in his eyes and he put his arms around me and he cried and he said I'm truly sorry for what I said upstairs forgive me and for years we had enjoyed hating each other but I felt a great burden lift from me and the realization that had I been willing you know to open the door he would have responded years ago so now I still daily take my inventory I get up in the morning and I say father this is a beautiful day whatever it brings I know you have some surprises for me and I'm eager to find out what they are because every day brings joy and it brings a contradiction in itself at times but truly in the end it brings me some chance of improving myself and helping other people at night I review this day thank God for the opportunities I've had and seek forgiveness for the times I have not reached out my hand when I could have wherever the occasion might have presented itself and a way of doing this is constant daily attunement with a spiritual guide that I need but in this attunement I suddenly realized that it meant that I had to pray as I understand him that I expected some response and my life began to change and it changed and altered so much that as I look back at those years I can hardly recognize the man that I was I look at the things that I did and it looks as though a stranger must have did those things that couldn't have been me and yet it was me and yet to this very day if an alcoholic would call me at night I would do what I could and I still do to be of assistance to him but over the years I've felt a separation from the basic activity of making those 12 step calls and yet I probably get more calls than most people in the country get I think in 10 days time my office had 200 calls from alcoholics asking for help the letters we get are monumental and people seeking information and asking for help who are saying how can we do it and as a result of that I am even more grateful for all of you because I have to refer 99.9% of those people to some member of Alcoholics Anonymous somewhere in the country and say to the person would you allow me to call a member of AA to have them contact you and to help show you the way I cannot do it personally I've never been turned down I've never been turned down anywhere in this country every foreign country I've traveled in I have met members of AA I could tell you story after story getting off a plane being met by the American consul and as he took me to the hotel room he whispered in my ear say I'm a member of the fellowship the manager of the hotel is too could we get together for a meeting you know it's very difficult in this country to be able to get a meeting where we can talk to each other I had a call in Tokyo from a person that I never knew said we're desperate I'm desperate I've been sober 28 days I heard you were a member of AA can you help me and I said I don't know but we can talk so we go to a meeting I never went to such a meeting in my life American army officers, the air force, Australian, Chinese, Japanese interpreters and the whole bit people desperately trying to maintain their sobriety in November I had a long distance telephone call from Nairobi, Kenya and December I had a call from London a person asking me where can I go what can I do I've got to have help I'm dying and all I can say is thank God for all of you I don't know the total pattern of what is happening I can only see and know that as long as I do today what God has given me to do and I put my part of the piece into the puzzle if you'll put yours there too that puzzle will be completed one day humanity will be reunited again that mankind will learn that all of us suffer in one way or another and that truly if we're to help our country and humanity we must first help ourselves and if we're going to rid ourselves of those feelings of prejudice and help our country it begins with me if there's going to be peace on earth I must first find peace in my own heart and if I'm going to be able to contribute to the well-being of mankind I can only elevate mankind by first elevating myself and if I do that I lift it a little bit may God be with me and may God be with each and every one of you I've enjoyed this opportunity of fellowshipping with you and I trust you will continue your dedication and hope for all those who still are seeking the light of life please remain standing remain standing and all those who care to will you join me in the Lord's prayer to end this meeting Our Father who art in heaven Hallowed be thy name Thy kingdom come Thy kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever and ever. Thank you and good night. This was taped in the colonnades motel up on Singer Island in West Palm Beach, Florida January the 29th. That of course was Senator Hughes and he was down for one of our intergroup meetings. My name is Bubba Floyd and I'm an alcoholic and I was fortunate enough to be at the meeting and and and and and and and and and a little bit more. this tape I am passing on to my good friend David Taylor in Memphis, Tennessee and I hope that whoever hears it enjoys it as much as we enjoyed having him down. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.