The Sponsor Who Taught Her Higher Power Dependence – Judy C.

About This Speaker Tape

A ten-year-old girl in a Michigan basement finds a fifth of vodka and drinks until she is rolling in circles in the backyard. For Judy C., the bottle provided a warmth and courage she couldn't find in herself. The wreckage followed: dirty clothes in school, a childhood of neglect, and a string of destructive relationships. She drank through pregnancies, losing one child to a stillbirth and neglecting another. She describes a life of "blackouts" and "three sheets to the wind," punctuated by two DUIs and the crushing guilt of a partner's suicide.

After several suicide attempts and a hospital stay where she felt an invisible hand on her shoulder, Judy returned to the rooms. She moved from "people dependence" to "Higher Power dependence," learning to admit when she was too "thick headed" to understand the Big Book. Through a sponsor who put her "hand in the hand of God," she traded the delusion of others' opinions for a gritty, daily discipline of service.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Childhood in Michigan and the 'cooties' game.
• 2:15 First blackout at age ten after drinking a fifth of vodka.
• 6:30 Discussion of childhood trauma and her mother's mental illness.
• 11:15 The tragedy of a stillborn child and drinking through pregnancy.
• 16:40 DUI arrest and the 'alcohol fumes' moment.
• 21:20 The wedding reception where she ended up drooling on a dirty dance floor in a white dress.
• 27:50 Laughter: The 'clean joke' assignment at the beginner's meeting.
• 32:10 The suicide of Steve and the subsequent spiral into pills and alcohol.
• 36:40 The invisible hand on her shoulder in the hospital.
• 41:10 The Big Book falling off the TV antenna as a sign from her Higher Power.
• 45:30 Working the 12 Steps page-by-page with a highlighter.
• 48:15 Discussion of the responsibility of sponsorship and 'Higher Power dependence'.