The Spiritual Tapeworm That Ate Him Up Inside – Scott

About This Speaker Tape

The Bronx, a family of "insane" proportions, and a childhood spent in the wreckage of mental and physical abuse. Scott R. describes his life as a sequence of "ready, fire, aim," a chaotic trajectory that led him through a revolving door of marijuana, pills, and cocaine. He speaks of a "spiritual tapeworm," a cancer of the soul that left him hollow and acting without reason. The wreckage was concrete: selling a friend's car to pay rent and standing by while his children were crushed by the fallout of his disease.

After eighteen years of psychotherapy that only taught him how to understand his demise, a Jungian therapist finally told him there was nothing left to be done. Scott entered AA as a skeptic, viewing the rooms as a "plateau of lameness." He describes the shift from a life of "Grand Theft Auto" to a blank treaty of surrender. By relying on a Higher Power and the grit of a home group, he moved from being a "dip" to advocating for his injured sons.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Scott R. welcomes newcomers and discusses the 'ready, fire, aim' nature of alcoholic behavior.
• 6:15 Laughter: Story about a newcomer being told he is bored because he is boring.
• 11:30 Scott R. describes his childhood in the Bronx and the 'stolen' steel wool pillows.
• 16:45 Discussion on the failure of psychotherapy to treat the 'nothing' that happens before a drink.
• 22:10 The 'spiritual tapeworm' and the moment of total defeat before entering AA.
• 26:30 The 'plateau of lameness' and his first impressions of the Unit A clubhouse.
• 34:15 The 'carte blanche' of Step 3 and the experience of reading Chapter 5.
• 38:00 Step 8 and the realization that the resentment is the only thing that is his fault.
• 45:20 The 'hat trick' of fighting and his struggles with weight and Overeaters Anonymous.
• 52:10 The 'show business Higher Power' and the humility of working as a cook on a catering truck.
• 58:45 The irony of catering for the company that rejected him for a writing job.