The Spiritual Malady and Spiritual Solution – Awakening Workshop – Part 15 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

Alright, good evening everybody. My name is Leanne and I'm a recovered alcoholic. How are you guys tonight? Is everybody going to grab a seat? Everybody's getting settled in? Alright, so the bathroom obviously, if you're, I don't think we have any new people here, but we have one bathroom that's open on this floor. If you smoke, please make sure that you smoke across the street in the dirt parking lot. There's no smoking, including vaping, a lot on the premises here. What else is there do I need to announce? Let's thank Rodney for bringing Chinese food. Thank you, Rodney. That was great. That was awesome. All right, so we're going to get right into it. We're going to recap what we did the last week, and obviously we are not in step one anymore. Yay! That's a big deal. The first 50-some-odd pages in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous are step one. We are going to go through 103 pages for all 12 steps. So if you do the math, you can see that half of that work is done in the first step. So with a quick, brief recap, all of you know by now we have a three-part disease. We see that I'm sickened physically, mentally, and spiritually. And last week we covered the spiritual malady part of this disease by looking at those bedevilments. And I can measure where I'm at, and it's not talking anymore about me in a drunk state anymore. Me in a sober state can suffer from this thing called a spiritual malady. And in order for me to be recovered, you know, when the spiritual malty is overcome, then I can straighten out mentally and physically. And so the book is really clear on talking throughout the first 50-some-odd pages that what I have is a spiritual problem, right? I don't have a drinking problem. I have a spiritual problems. because if I didn't have a spiritual problem, I wouldn't have that obsession of the mind that would take me back to that drink. So if I don't want to drink and I want my life to be better and I believe that God can take me further in every area of my life and that's what we're going to talk about in this next step. Do I believe That? Do I Believe That God Can Take Me Further in Every Area of My Life? So I know that self-will has never worked And we learn that in the first step. I don't have power, choice, and control over what I do when it comes to alcohol. I'm completely powerless over alcohol. My life is completely unmanageable because I have this internal condition. My unmanagability shows up on the outside in things in my life, right? So it shows up in things like I lost a job, I lost the husband or the wife, the girlfriend. You know, my life looks like turmoil out here. And so my mind thinks that I have to get those things back in order to be okay with myself. But the bottom line is, it's like, that would be like a tree that's producing bad fruit just cutting off the bad fruit and thinking that the tree's going to grow good fruit. I haveと get down to it, to the root, right? The root of the problem is this internal condition, right. So when my internal condition is okay, then I grow good food, right, Then I produce good fruit, and my internal condition cannot be fixed on myself, right? I've removed the alcohol. I've learned that that's only scratching the surface. Now that the alcohol and the dope is gone, now what? If alcohol and dope were my problem, well, then I would just quit, right, but I have to remember that if I didn't have this physical allergy, right?, I have to remember that I have a mind that's going to take me back to a drink, or it's going to make me act out in other areas of my life that are bad behavior, right? To shopping, gambling, sex, whatever it is, right. I need to be clear that the only remedy for my malady is a spiritual solution. And we learn that by the third part of the first step, right, This spiritual malady, and I can see my spiritual malody in that middle paragraph on page 52. My heavy problem in personal relationships, my crate of misery and depression, my full of fear, right? Sober, right, it's not asking me these things when I'm drinking. Obviously I had those problems when I was drinking, but sober do I still have that because I remove the alcohol and I'm still just batshit crazy, right. And now I do crazy shit and I don't even have an excuse for it. At least I can say I was drunk when I did it. I can't even say that anymore, right? I have to see that I have to clean up my life and the only way, that I can not clean up my life but that only proper use of the will is to will God into my life and we are going to learn that in later chapters when we get to like 10 and 11 and those of you that are doing 10 and11 on a daily basis have probably read that that it's proper use of the will to will god into my live so now as we get into So now as we get into the second step, now we're going to come to believe. This is asking me to come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. To believe that there is a God is a beginning or to believe that there's something out there greater than myself. Not asking you to believe in God right now but to believe that There Is a God. And that's where where we'll start off. So I'm going to go ahead and let, we're going to do a five-minute period of meditation. And we're gonna read the set-aside prayer. I do everything on this one phone. Okay. All right. So you guys want to, God? please enable me to set aside everything I think I know for an open mind and a new experience help me see the truth about my need to come to believe in a power greater than myself. All right, can someone get the lights back there? All right. The heck? Matt, are you home? Wait, I'm trying to push play and it's not working. Oh, that's why. Hold on. I got mine, too. It's the same song, right? Yeah, will you play yours? We'll just have it on the recording. Thank you. I love you. © transcript Emily Beynon © transcript Emily Beynon Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. ¶¶ ¶¶ Thank you. Thank you. Thanks, Kenny. Okay, Pat, the floor is yours. Good. Here we go. Good evening, everybody. Pat, alcoholic. we are out of step one nine weeks of pounding and i guess the question is have i had enough pounding every time i do this every time i take uh people to the work by the time i get done with step nine or step one i am just I'm pounding I mean it's a lot I mean I don't care how long you've been sober anytime you ever go through a step one experience it is designed to do one thing and that is absolutely remove any hope of recovery by your own methodology if you're real alcoholic you're real addict and you fit the definition that we've talked about for the last nine weeks it's not going to happen on your own steam that's a hard one that's a hard carl young i like that guy you guys know that and there is no carl jung um there's a couple guys contemporaries of his one one was a missionary that lived as most of his life 50 years in india his name was e stanley jones anybody ever heard that name E. Stanley Jones was responsible for the methodology that Martin Luther King implemented for civil rights in America. If it wasn't for E. Sanley Jones, Martin Luther Kings direction and what he would have done could have been completely different. And here is one of the fundamental things that E. Sandley Jones and Dr. Young agreed on. Dr. Young is talking to a patient. You are suffering from a loss of faith in God and in the future life, the patient says back to Dr. Young. Do you believe these doctrines of religion of God are true? Dr. Young, that's no business of mine. I'm a doctor. I'm not a priest. I can only tell you that if you recover your faith, you will get well. If you don't, you won't. Now as crazy as that sounds, that's sort of the message as we're starting to go through here. Now the scary thing about that, and I don't know if anybody else fits this place, but I came into the program not an atheist as I really think through the definition. We'll talk about it a little bit. But I was a really hardcore practicing agnostic. Anybody can raise their hand to that one? me too in an agnostic we're going to start into the text here but we're going to go through four pages with me and then four pages with Leanne tonight and I'm going to take pages 44, 45 46 and 47 but we are not going to approach them like we did last week concentrating on the disease and the hopelessness of step one we are actually going to transition But just so that we're all on the same page, on page 44, let's go over there. You know, it took 44 pages to get us to this one paragraph. We hope you have made clear the distinction between an alcoholic and a non-alcoholic. And you know, have you ever seen those questions like, you know in those little brochures, pamphlets, are you an alcoholic? And they ask you like 20 questions. or there's 38 specific questions or if you go to a treatment center there's 17 questions there's always a bunch of questions, am I right? You only have to answer two questions and I don't need to know anything about your drunk-a-log I don' t need to know anything about your addict history nothing there's only two questions and we can answer them right here first question if when you honestly wanted to you find you cannot quit entirely that first question is saying I've made a decision to quit drinking or quit using now I'm stone cold sober did I go back to the drink or the drug against my will did I do it more than once that is called the mental obsession driving us back to the drug that's question one if you hit the yes button I've got some sort of bad news for you the bad news is if you don't have part 2 of the disease excuse me the good news is if you do not have part two of this disease then no big deal go ahead and pick up the drink or the drug use to your heart's content go go go but if you have a second part of the definition of being an addict or an alcoholic then you might be in a hopeless state what's the second part or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take you are probably alcoholic if that be the case you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer so it's a both and definition i can't stay away from the drink or the drug and when I go back to the drink or the drug once I've given in that mental obsession I don't have any control over the amount the physical allergic reaction the body side the second part of that disease our disease of alcoholism or addiction and if that's the case I'm sort of screwed because my entire life from age 14 to 43 was spent solving my alcoholism of my mind and my body using the drink. When I had a need to drink, I drank. And when I drank, my mind then switches into gear and goes, give me more, give me More, give Me More. And I'd say, you bet, let's go for it. But because it's a progressive illness, I can't play that game for a long time and we start crashing and burning inside and outside and I find that what my solution is in my mind, I'm starting to think about hey, I've got to quit this stuff I'm just not going to drink I'm going to stay away from it and I'm unable to do that we spent an entire chapter more about alcoholism talking about four stories the golden slipper Jay Walker, Jim, Fred different circumstance, different lifestyles happy, some sad some crazy and the commonality was they all drank against their will so we find out we have no power we have not choice, we have now control hmm then I start that great episode of life where I try everything in my power to quit and I can't do it we all have stories and then I'm left with this dilemma and we're going to talk about it here but the cool thing is now we're going into the hope side so only a spiritual experience can conquer it not just abate it i mean you'll hear us announce ourselves i am a recovered alcoholic that means mentally and physically i never have to put up with this crap ever again i never have to live that way again once and for all not a day at a time once and four all the only contingency is I keep connected to God my higher power my understanding okay so now at the bottom of page 44 and going on to page 45 we start talking about this the agnostic and the atheist. The atheist is basically saying there is nothing bigger than me there is no nothing there's just nothing there's nothing out there you can stop at there is not stop right there and the book's going to go into that kind of belief system in a little bit but they're going to spend more time on this agnostic the agnestic is a lot of us and you know what every time I go through the work I have agnisticism that has to be blown up because everywhere that I have fear in my life everywhere that i have a resentment in my life everywhere that i have conflict in a relationship in my life is a direct result of agnosticism god's not big enough i've got to be big enough my plan is i'm gonna look out for number one selfish and self-centered to the core i'm going to make this world work for me and i find it doesn't work out so well and the choice alternative is god I don't want God I've never been able to access God what does God have to do with anything let's find out bottom of page 44 but it isn't so difficult about half of our original fellowship were exactly that type Gnosticism at first some of us tried to avoid the issue hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics but after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life or else perhaps it's going to be that way with you but cheer up half of us thought we were atheists or agnostics our experience shows you need not be disconcerted that's a pretty cool statement if you're in an agnostic place or an atheist place tonight it's not the end of the world half of the people getting recovered were the same place so how do they get to the other side I mean really, how do THEY get to that other side How did they get to a place of faith that was workable, operating in their life? How did it happen? The book is designed exactly for that purpose, to show us exactly how you and I can access a power bigger than us to set us free and take us to that fourth dimension. Not just live dry. One day at a time. If you live sober today, if you didn't drink today, it was a successful day. Really? Are you kidding me? If that's all you want, this is a wrong stop. It's a wrong stop. If a mere code of morals or better philosophy were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, we would have recovered a long time ago. Anybody have a code of moral they try to live up to? Yeah. Anybody ever blow their code of morals? I mean, mine was just like vaporized. I left no room for doubt. you know i thought of myself i was you know a lying sack of you know what and that i was a you know whore on wheels and then later on i just proved it out in my lifestyle i made sure everybody got a chance to experience path and all his glory boy what i was such a given guy i was just giving giving giving letting people have all sorts of path that was that was that was a good choice they're saying maybe a little less okay gosh listen this part this is important um our human resources as marshaled by the will were not sufficient they failed utterly lack of power that was my dilemma i had to find a power by which i could live it had to be a power greater than myself obviously but where and how would we find this power well that's exactly what this book is about its main object the number one this is the purpose number one object of this book help me help you find a power greater than myself which will solve my problem and the problem is a spiritual problem the problem unmanageability in my heart how does doesn't unmanageability show up in our lives? There's another, man, all over the place, but let me see if you guys can relate to any of these terms. Anger, resentment, hate, self-centeredness, fear, worry, anxiety, a sense of unresolved guilt, negativism, inferiority attitudes, undisciplined desires insincerity conscious and unconscious lying deceit divided loyalties unbalanced virtues ignorance and lack of judgment physical disharmony in other words i start breaking down physically that's a crazy thing about this disease wow lack of total life discipline a lack of positive or any outgoing love how's that for a definition of the internal condition does that sort of fit the bill anybody experience that stuff right i think all of us and to a great extent the entire purpose going forward is to treat this internal condition because if I can't get rid of this internal condition, I will drink again. If you're 10 years sober, if you're 20 years sober you're twenty days sober two months sober if you do not do this work as outlined in this big book and you are a true alcoholic or a true addict you will not get rid of this internal condition and if you don't get rid of this external condition it will kill you literally so that's the price we pay so that is why we become pretty open minded to the possibility of trying to figure a way out of this thing alright people get sort of excited about this program of recovery right and then they say but his face falls when we speak of spiritual matters, especially when we mention God, for we have reopened a subject which our man thought, women thought, he had neatly evaded or entirely ignored. And now we go through some experiences for the next page and then finally some relief for that agnostic. See if you can relate to this as an agnestic. Do I have some honest doubts or prejudice about God or a higher power? Raise your hand. okay and by the way every time i go through this work i have to say yes to that answer and here's the reason why i want to be taken to a deeper more free position with god in my effectiveness in life every time I go through his work and I know the only way through this is being honest and I have to be honest about where I am in this time going through the work where do i have some honest doubt or prejudice about god's ability to work in this area of my life if you've been sober for longer than say six months or so you probably experienced something that didn't go away so easily after you went through all the work all right and it sort of is jamming you up a little bit and at some level there's going to be some honest doubt if you're having a 10th step and an 11th step evening review where you're going hey god i'm a little bit curious about whether or not you could work in this area of my life you know i know in step seven i gave it to you good and bad i'm hoping to hell this is bad do you think it's you know it's outside the nine dots here to have you uh remove some of this financial burden i'm under or this relationship that never is going north it's always going south or my inability to hold down a job or my fill in the blank and the cool thing is this is where god does for us what we can't do for ourselves i'm here report on the other side god does solve all of our problems it's a pretty cool thing all right so how many of you have had an anti-religious experience in other words a little bit of a not not such a good deal we're talking to our guys before you know we got some prejudiced people you know in religion sometimes and they sort of jam me up has that ever happened all right that doesn't speak very well for god does it not much sort of sets me off a little bit how about a particular idea that somebody tried to shove down your throat growing up you better believe this you're going to go to hell you better do this you know parts of your body gonna fall off yeah bad things are gonna happen to you I could really go there okay or how about somebody just gives you an idea about god and just isn't adequate you reject it because it's just an inadequate it doesn't resonate with your heart just doesn't resonate it's it doesn'T seem to hit the fill the bill so we were bothered page 46 with the thought that faith and dependence on a power beyond ourselves was somewhat weak or cowardly anybody ever feel like that are you kidding me your answer is depend on god really that's what you got that's your answer really that'S all you got you've had that kind of feeling inside sure absolutely so we looked and then how about this okay enough of the inside stuff how about the outside stuff let's see how god is sort of taking care of the society in the universe we looked upon the world of warring individuals warring theological systems are there some wars over religious ideas has there ever been a war not over a religious idea is a better question how about inexplicable calamity deep skepticism individuals who say I know God and you look at their life and they're ripping you off it will be nameless but in my business certain um religious sects will declare themselves to me and my guard goes sky high because my experience in business has been where i've been you know put in harm's way is usually around that kind of guy that kind of person everybody have experience like that so i use those experiences to say adios god that's not a good solution because i look at the people and i look at how i'm feeling inside with the doubt and i go man i'm in a dilemma you're telling me i have to get to this place of faith and all i see on the outside is a reason to doubt and all as i see in the inside is a region of doubt we're all on the same page all right let's see where it takes us how can a supreme beam how am i doing time we've got just so i can't see the clock are we okay like three minutes okay all right we're on we're not too far away that's good so how could a supreme being of any uh have anything to do with this at all how could we comprehend a supreme beam anyhow yet in other moments page 46 that first paragraph here's the crazy thing you know this is the crazy part on one side of my mind i'm going i don't see god's impact on people's lives my view is three-dimensional i'm not in the fourth dimension yet i don't see god act you know i see god all the time now i see god acting out in people's lives all the time i see God working on my life all the time and it is real as this it's as real as that and i'm not exaggerating but it took God opening up my eyes going through this work God's real folks and it's okay i mean he doesn't get too upset when we don't believe in him he really doesn't It's our own choices, I guess. But deep inside, I can't help but have this kind of feeling. See if you can relate to this ever in your life. Did you ever feel a sense of wonder when you were a kid about the sky or about nature or about something bigger than you? Raise your hand. There's not one person's hand that's not going up. Maybe a couple may have just tuckered out, but there you go. But I mean, seriously, how come that is? We were built with a God-shaped vacuum in our soul. That's not good or bad. That's just the way we're designed. That's the DNA, folks. That's juste how we are. Spiritual DNA, we are designed to connect, be plugged in to a big, big God. that's cool without limits not judgment not the sense of you better do this or else but this sense of a loving all-loving all-powerful all-expansive intimately caring about us kind of god wow then who then made all this wow feeling of awe of wonder but soon it was lost yep so we of agnostic temperament have to have these thoughts and experiences yet we make haste to reassure you so now we're going to pivot agnestic, listen up we want to identify with you up till now, we know your experiences we've had them ourselves, internally externally, we're sideways just like you are with this whole God thing we get it, you're fuming right now as we're putting this down on paper, we Know You're Ticked Off we got it, we didn't want to have you be ticked off with this. We didn't want to be controversial, but we're going to have to talk about the solution. The solution's God and so here we go. So I know you're a little bit tweaked, but let's give you some hope. Bottom of page halfway through 46 and 47 is all about hope for the agnostic. We were able we found on page the second paragraph starts with yes we have agnestic temperament. I drop down that second sentence. We found or third sentence, we found that as soon as we're able to lay aside prejudice, which by the way is in my ability to do, set aside prayer. Remember? God, please set aside everything I think I know about spiritual things. Can I say that? Can I said honestly to myself? That's a place I could go. I can do that. And express even a willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves, we commence to get results. Here's the good news. even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend the power which was God. I don't have to have it all figured out. I don' t have to have a divine perfect creed or belief system or anything. I just have to have enough willingness to say man please set aside me all that prejudice about what I think and make me open to what you would have me have. And you're really praying if you will to that deep awe and wonder inside that you know is out there that you know wants to be in here much to our relief we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of God our own conception however inadequate was sufficient to make the approach to effect a contact with him as soon as we admitted the possible existence and this is an important part this is going to rub some people the wrong way in here the big book the first hundred were not talking about when they said pick your own conception of God, of making God a football or a doorknob or a cactus or even a sunset anything created they were very specific to their people coming in, they were saying listen I don't care what you call God but God's got to be powerful and God's gotta be alive and he's gotta be intelligent however you define that your supreme being creative intelligence it goes a couple words spirit of the universe underline the totality of things wow so I have to be open God please set aside me everything I even think about naming ya name your own name doesn't matter God's not offended we found that God does not make too hard of terms for those who seek him. To us, the realm of the Spirit is broad and roomy, inclusive, never exclusive, forbidding those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men. Man, I'm going to land here in this next set. I'm gonna turn over to Leanne, but two thoughts out of the next two paragraphs. We're going to pick our own conception. At the start, this was all that we needed to convince a spiritual growth to affect our first conscious relation with God as we understand Him. Afterward, listen to this, we found ourselves accepting many things which seemed entirely out of reach. What does that mean? I mean, right above that says I have to honestly ask myself what do spiritual expressions that I've heard and what do spiritual terms that I have heard mean to me? How cool is that? I get a say-so in this whole thing. I don't have to buy Pat's version of God. I don' t have to by Leanne's version of God I get to buy my version of god and God is going to reveal to each one of us however God does it with you I watch it happen all the time clarity around spiritual terms and expressions where you finally could do business with it and the cool thing is we're not asking for a big leap right now just a willing to believe that there's a power bigger than us next page or next paragraph and I'll finish off here cornerstone as soon as a man may can say do I do I now believe or am i willing to believe that God there is a power greater than myself as soon as a Mancan say that he does believe or is willing to believe we emphatically that means super hardcore high five you got it going on now kid assure him that he is on his way it has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderful effective spiritual structure can be built what's that structure we spent the last nine weeks building a foundation called our common problem. The drink, allergic reaction, mental obsession, spiritual malady. Now we just locked in the cornerstone in our foundation. We're going to start to go through the willingness to believe a power greater than ourselves. The end. Thanks. That was awesome, Pat. Thank you. Leanne, I'm still a recovered alcoholic. Okay, so real quick, I just want to go back to page... I want to smash an idea, one of our old ideas about one day at a time. Pat read it earlier on page 44 where it says, if when you honestly want, you cannot quit entirely, it doesn't say that you cannot quite one day and a time, right? So we're looking at doing this for good and for all, right? We're looking for one day at a time for the rest of our lives, right. I take my spiritual life one day a time. I just wanted to point that out. But as Pat was saying, we are looking at our conception of God. By the way it doesn't say your conception of a god. He's not Mr. Potato Head. You don't get to create them and make them a cactus, like Pat said, or make them, you know, a football. And it has to be something greater than myself. So if I'm there, the first proposition of the second step is to believe that there is a God, not in God, but to believe that there IS a God. And hopefully we're all at that stage right now where we believe that THERE IS SOMETHING GREATER THAN US. And the big book is going to be really good about asking me about being open-minded about spiritual terms and what they mean to me. And it's going to also smash any idea that, number one, that I can create a God and I can just create God. I have to understand an idea of God. And for me, when I work with women, you know, if they don't have a God that they understand or believe in, I say, okay, well, what can you wrap your head around? Can you wrap Your head around God being all-knowing, all-loving, and all-forgiving? Yeah. Okay, then that's a start. They can start there. It doesn't have to be something that I can see, you Know, like, obviously, like I can See what God has created. God has Created the ocean. He has created the sunset, so I want to worship and pray to the one who created that, the creator. All right, whoever that may be to you. So I'm going to start on the top of page 48. Many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism. And I have to remember, see, I didn't come into this program being beaten down by a specific belief system. Or, you know, I think I shared last week that my mother had lots of things, lots of idols and things in our house. We had Buddhas. We had a crucifix. We did Hindu. I was initiated by one degree from the Maharishi. I did Hindu meditation. And I would do my Hindu meditation in the morning on my way to mass and rub the Buddha belly on my way. And that's just what, you know, I didn't, nothing was impounded in me, but I, or shoved down my throat, let's say. So I kind of had my, it was just sort of God is whatever, but there was some agnosticism there, right? Cause I didn'T have a relationship with any type of God. I just had a lot of belief systems. And really, it was never really anything that I really did any studying or worshiping on. So I have to remember that when people come into this program, a lot of people have had some bad experiences with specific religions. I mean, we hear it all the time I mean we see it all the time I mean I hate to you know priests and kids and you know we hear you know TV evangelists stealing money and having affairs and doing all these crazy things and so we what we do is we let those few bad trees spoil the whole forest for us is what we don't want to do and we do and it's not so much that God has done anything wrong but sometimes religions, and people who represent that specific God that they say that they're representing do a really bad job. So it's not God that we should be mad at. It's the people. Be mad at me. I was such a hypocrite. I was a drunk evangelist. I would be drinking and I'd be preaching and quoting the Bible and people would go, oh God, I don't want what she has. See those Christians are all a bunch of hypocrites i was that person you know i was crazy so it makes us bristle because of some of the things that we remember you know and sometimes i just i shake my head at christmas time when i go to balboa park and at light then and then those those people are there telling everyone they're going to go to hell and i'm like oh you guys are doing it all wrong and i really think that jesus is doing the same thing too he's going what the heck is doing that's not i mean Actually, Christianity should be a program of attraction, not promotion. And I just think they go about it all wrong. So bristling with antagonism, it's kind of like some people coming into this program, you know, I have to remember that they've been beaten by whatever religion that they grew up with, you know? Whatever it is. I don't want to mention names, but I had lots of... I grew up in the United States. I grewup with Catholicism and a lot of other things too, so I know and kind of understand where people come from. and I have to remember it's like if you start going to somebody with whatever your belief is and you start trying to shove that down their throat it's like a dog that's been beaten and hit so many times it's going to cower and I need to be a program of attraction so when I don't ever try to enforce or talk to or promote I just want people to see I'm a reflection of what God wants me to be and the God that I believe in and I'm not here trying to promote that. And I want you to know that too. I'm not trying here to promote what my belief system is, but my God works through me in a way that people, I hope, are attracted to. But I have to understand though that some people come in here and they bristle with antagonism. This sort of thinking has to be abandoned. Though some of us resisted, we found no great difficulty in casting aside such feelings. So this is where that set-aside prayer comes in. God help me set aside everything I think about, I think I know about you, God. It's for an open mind and a new experience with you, god, right? So set aside anything that you thought you ever knew about religion, right? Or about god or whatever it is because I can't, why could I go there? All right. Faced with the alcoholic destruction we soon became as open-minded on spiritual matters as we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect alcohol was the great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness. I think that when we get here, and some of us who have been beaten so bad by alcohol or drugs or whatever, I mean, I think sometimes the God idea sounds a lot better than where we were. I don't know about you, but I was ready for whatever it took. It didn't matter. I knew I needed God. I know I needed God because my way was not working. And so it beat us into a state of reasonableness. Did you scratch your head while you were doing this work, thinking to yourself, I don't know if you've ever been in a meeting when they told you, don't bring up the God idea. And here we are doing this book. It's like that's all we've been talking about. It is like how in the world does that even happen? Sometimes this was a tedious process. We hope no one else will be prejudiced for as long as some of us were. The book is going to also tell me in a number of different places in this chapter to lay aside any prejudices that I've had about God, about religion, about spiritual terms, right? I need to be open-minded. Love and tolerance, that's our code. When we get to step 10, it's going to tell us that we need to being loving and tolerant. Did I have any prejudixes? I came in here with a belief system. You know, as I got older and I did a lot of research on God and religions of the world. And that was just something that I did. I was very inquisitive when I was younger. And I would get all these books and I would study religions and I Would study denominations. And I studied them all. And I found one that was true to me and one that's been carried through my life. But, you know, did I have some prejudices? Of course. i have a belief in in one religion or one belief system i don't specifically think it's about being religious i think it'S about having a relationship at least that's what my belief system tells me it's not about being religious it's ABOUT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GOD AND DO I HAVE PREJUDICES AGAINST SURE I HAD TO LAY THOSE ASIDE BECAUSE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE AN EFFECTIVE spearhead of God if I'm going to have a prejudice, whether you're, you know, Islam or Buddhist or whatever. You know, I have to be able to be open-minded to that too. And I have to beable to direct you towards your belief and to help you with a relationship towards God. As sponsors in this program, that's what we're here to do. We're not here to keep anybody sober. That's not our job. We can't. We're beyond human aid. Our job as sponsors and working with others is so that we can help those have a greater relationship with God than what they already had. All right, so then the book's going to talk about different ways of like to prove that God is real and that there has to be a creative intelligence in this world, right? It's goingto talk about electricity. We can't see electricity.We know we can see it, but we know it works. We don't know how it works, but it's going to try to convince us of things that we can't necessarily see, we believe in, right? Some things that, and for me to not say that I don't believe, I mean, like Pat was talking about, I can see God in every area of my life and in your life. I see what God's done in my life, and it's evident to me today that he still performs miracles on a daily basis. every single one of you that stay sober every single day or newcomers that come in and stay sober some of these lives I mean if we wrote books on our lives it's amazing seriously we could all be like millionaires on like just our stories right I mean how we got here and that nothing happened like for you know the times many times that I should have died you know in and out of these rooms and God for some reason spared me I have to believe that a creative intelligence of this universe spared my life for whatever reason maybe so i could be up here sharing this with you tonight i don't know all right so it says we have no reason to doubt it right when however the perfectly logical assumption is suggested that underneath the material world and life as we see it there's an all-powerful guiding creative intelligence right there, our perverse streak comes to the surface. We laboriously set out to convince ourselves it isn't so. So if somebody is going to come up to me and tell me alcohol is going to make you feel great, it's going to give you courage, it' s going to make you prettier, it''s going to help you get that guy, it ''s going to make you, you know, you're going to be a better dancer. I'm going to believe all that. But then they're going tell me, but eventually one day it's going to let you down. It's going to ruin your life. It is going to make insecure. It will screw you over, right? But someone tells me, I have a God, an all-powerful, I know, I believe in this God that is going make you confident, that's gonna give you love, that it's gonna forgive you no matter what you do, that is going to love you no matter what you do. That's going to give you happiness and joy. And I'm gonna go, no, I think I'm going to pick the alcohol. Right? I mean, what is wrong with us? What is wrong? This book is saying, I mean we're like the prodigal children. I don't know if you've ever read that story in the Bible. Like the boy There's a story in the Bible about these two sons, and one son stays with his dad, and he helps his dad. And the other son goes off and spends all the money and does all this stuff with hookers and stuff like that. And the dad sits there and waits every single day for him, waits and waits and weights for him every single way. Every single day to come back. And the one son that stays there says, what are you doing waiting for him? Why are you, you know, I'm here doing all this. He's like, because I love him. Because I love them and I want them back, and it doesn't matter what he's done. Finally, this son one day gets beaten so bad he comes back, and he comes back to his dad saying that he's sorry. And you know what his dad does? His dad throws a party for him. And it's kind of like God, you know? It's like he doesn't care what we've done or where we've been. He wants to throw a party for us. And all we got to do is just believe in him and put our trust in him and just love and just know that he is there for us Okay, I want to hurry. Alright. It's a great story. I think it's in Matthew. So, just if you are i want to look it up were we contentious were were our contentions true it would follow that life originated nothing means nothing and proceeds nowhere scientists will even tell you nothing can't create something right but if god is the alpha and the omega the beginning and the end and he's infinite and he was never created only god can create what we see here on earth and the universe every day instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agent spearheads of god's ever-advancing creation we agnostics and atheists choose to believe that our human intelligence was the last word the alpha and the omega the beginning and the end of it all rather vain of us wasn't it those of us who are agnostic you know or suffered some present day agnesticism even like i did didn't really have a relationship with god even though i had a belief just i just had no access to god because i was doing what i wanted to do rather vain of me wasn't it so we who have traveled this next paragraph we who have travelled this dubious path beg you to lay aside prejudice again it's going to ask me again to please lay aside prejudice why do you think it keeps asking me to lay beside prejudice and then it's gonna say even against organized religion oh my god the big book went there they're talking about religion it's telling me that to lay aside prejudice against religion why do you think that it's going to ask me to lay aside prejudice against religion i thought this wasn't a religious program and here it's talking about religion and bill and his in his story talked about you know forgiveness of his sins i thought this wasn t religious it's not what it's telling you here it says we have learned that whatever the human frailties of various faiths the frailtys that i discussed earlier right the frailties are those people that represent their faith, right? The ones that are fanatics for, you know, they're fanatic Christians just as they're Fanatic Islams or what are they called? Muslims, right. They're fanatics everywhere, right and they give a bad name to the God that they represent. Those faiths have given purpose and directions to millions. People of faith have a logical idea of what life is about? Did it really just say that? Did it Really Just Say People of Faith Have a Logical Idea of What Life Is About? The problem is that we let those few bad trees spoil the whole forest for us. If you take a white piece of paper and you put a bunch of white dots on it, it represents every person that's a Christian or a good Muslim or a good Buddhist, and you just put them all up there, and then you get one bad apple, and you take a black blotter and you put that black blrotter on there, that stands out. And that's the one thing that we're going to remember and make every reason why we shouldn't believe because of that person. Oh, that who was that crazy evangelist that stole all that money from that church member? And he was having affairs and it's like, see, all those Christians are all like hypocrites. You know, we, there's been a lot of them, right? Priests and, you know, Seriously, you know, we basically judge Christianity or we judge Catholicism or we judgments every other religion based on what we see a few people do. And if we really look at it, that is not what their faith tells them to do in the books that they're supposed to be reading, right? Just because somebody is, I'm going to use the word Christian, Just because somebody goes to church doesn't mean that they're a Christian. It doesn't means that they are following God's word. It means they go to church, kind of like us in meetings. Just because someone goes to meetings doesn't mean that their in, that they recovered or that they are working a program. It means you are occupying a seat and you are listening and talking and that is all it means unless you are actually doing this work. Same thing with whatever faith you believed in, unless you're actually believing and doing what your faith is telling you to do. So actually we used to have no reasonable conception of whatever. We used to amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs and practices when we might have observed that many spiritually minded people of all races, colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness usefulness which we have sought ourselves instead we looked at the human defects of these people and sometimes use their shortcomings as a basis as a basis of wholesale condemnation how many of us have done that how many of us I've done that yet I know me too we talked of intolerance while we were intolerant ourselves now who's the hypocrite me sitting there you know condemning one and here and here I am right we missed the reality in the beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the ugliness of some of its trees we never gave the spiritual side of life a fair hearing I have to ask myself that question did I give the spiritual life the spiritual side-of-life a fair-hearing and if you can ask that question and you could say really I mean do your own research really go get a book on on religions of the world. It's fascinating. I mean, for me, I just was fascinated by it and by what other people believed and how they believed and, and what it was all about. You know, if somebody asked me what a seven day Adventist is, I can tell you, somebody asked Me what Judaism is. I could tell you what it is, you know, I mean not in depth, but I can, I have a pretty good idea, but I wanted to do my own research. You know, when you go to, and if you do find a church that you like, you You know you have a good pastor if he says, don't believe what I say. Do your own research. Get your Bible out and read it for yourself, you know, and do your own research. If you've got a preacher up there just talking and not preaching what's in the book, in his book, the Bible, then you might need to find another church. I don't know. But unless what he's teaching is not from what he is supposed to be teaching out of the Bible. we never gave the spiritual side of life a fair hearing in our personal stories you will find a wide variation in the way each teller approaches and conceives the power which is greater than himself a football is not greater than me a doorknob is not bigger than me so you this this is i i i would find this exciting the glass is half full here for those of you that don't have a belief system, or don't believe, or don't know. You know, this would be fun to, I mean, for me, it'd be fascinating to find out, or look to see where religious people are right. Try to make use of what they have to offer. Read some of these things. Find out what holds true to your heart. Whether we agree with a particular approach or conception seems to make little difference. You know? Whatever, I'm just sharing with you my experience and what I know to do. Whatever you find that you may, you know, it's up to you. Experience has taught us these are matters about which for our purpose we need not be worried. There are questions for each individual to settle for himself. This is good news. You get to decide what works best for you, you Know, but you can't go through this program with no idea of God, with no conception of God because I'm going to tell you right now when we get to the next step, it is going to ask you to turn everything over and you better have a pretty darn good idea and your God better be pretty ginormous to take over some of at least my God had to be pretty ginormouse to takeover my problems and I gotta be able to put trust into something that I can't see and trust into Something that needs to be something that I believe in do I really truly believe in this God that I'm gonna turn everything over to because if it's how do you turn something over to a doorknob or an ocean I've always wondered that like how do people do that what do they get to step three just they pretend like what you just go to the ocean and you have like a ceremony and I don't know how that works on one proposition we got I'll be all finished up here however these men and women are strikingly agreed every one of them had gained access and access to and believes in a power greater than himself here's the one thing these hundred men and uh and women or 100 men, that every single one of them had success not because they did it themselves, not because They called their sponsor, not because They went to a meeting, 90 meetings in 90 days, not Because They did it one day at a time, not Because They thought the drink through, but Because They gained access to and believe In a power greater than themselves. This power has to each case accomplish the miraculous, the humanly impossible. An ocean can't do that by the way. I keep using an ocean because I hear people want to use an ocean. Sorry. As a celebrated American statesman put it, let's look at the record. Here are thousands of men and women worldly indeed they have flatly declared that since they have come to believe in a power greater than themselves to take a certain attitude toward that power and to do certain simple things there was a revolution change in the way of living and thinking. I don't know about you, but I needed a revolutionary change. I need a revolutionary change on a daily basis. In the face of collapse and despair, in the faceof total failure of human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them. That sounds great. Do I believe that? Absolutely. You can look around the room. Those of us that had spiritual experiences, we can't all be up here lying we're not all making this up seriously is true this happened soon after the wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements once confused and baffled by seeming futility in existence they show the underlying reasons why they were making a heavy going of life leaving aside the drink question so right this is me sober completely no they tell why living was so unsatisfactory They show how the change came over them when many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives. They present a powerful reason why one should have faith. I have to ask myself that question. How many of you want that revolutionary change? And how many ofyou really, really want a spiritual connection and a relationship with the God that you believe in, that you have to believe that God can go further for you in every single area of your life. And if you believe that and you want that, continue to do this work, continue to pray and meditate on a daily basis. Just keep praying and I promise you will be contacted. Thank you. Wow. On fire. All right. we're going to have we have some time for some questions right so if you got your idiot's guide pull it out Leah that was great really was give yourself a break tonight if you're a little bit grumpy inside if anybody's grumpy inside about this is still a little bit oh golly all this God talk does anybody feel like that I was alright and every time you feel that trust me on this you will feel that from time to time in the next week and when it pops up say hey God who I'm still trying to figure out who God is you please set aside me this grumpiness I'm feeling towards this next little adventure with God It'll work. Trust me on that. It really does. It really does. You don't have to make it a big deal. Okay, so a couple questions. How many people did their questions from this week? Six through 13. Yay! Alright, if you've completed your questions to give honor to the people who have done the actual writing on them, we're going to look on page 18 the second step question and there's 9, 10, 11, 12 in the top of 13 okay so we can you know what i thought about just narrowing down to one question but i'll tell you what when you come up here just whatever question you're going to answer just say i pick number nine or i pick number 11 or i picked number 12 i pick member 13 whatever it is and you don't have to read it out every time but just read your answer i mean give some context we do answer and here we go who would like to come up first all right here we go nine was the one that I chose do you now believe are you willing or are you even willing to believe that there is a power greater than yourself why I've said absolutely beyond the shadow of a doubt um because i'm still alive after um so many things i've been through but um by all means i should have been dead a long time ago um who survives a severed severed femoral artery um due to being stabbed five times in addition if it wasn't a god how do i walk today um the staples covered my thigh from waist to knee um and i wasn't near hospital um and i lived and i still walk and now i have four kids or three and a half one on the way um and if i would have died i wouldn't have had any and they're great so yeah who's next ron recovered alcoholic hey ron okay um i'll take number 10 um has even a casual reference of spiritual things made you bristle with antagonism um and do you agree this thing it has to be abandoned. I put down, it has in the past. It's almost like agnostic to the point of almost atheist. I totally deny there was a God. But then, do you agree it has been abandoned? And in my case, I did. It must be or there's no recovery through spiritual growth. If you don't hang on to your old ideas, not wither and die. Give it up and grow and flourish. Thrive. Yeah, he sounds great. all right so I think number 12 I'm John and I'm an alcoholic so a did you believe you already knew everything you needed to know about living life and B was wasn't this rather egotistical of you so my answer to a was I have rarely believed that I was I've always been a huge mess brief moments of this were while I was drinking B it would be very close-minded to think that way my name is yawn on the alcoholic and addict. I'll go with number 10. Has even casual reference to spiritual things made you bristle with antagonism? I wrote, yes. When I first came into AA, I was very uncomfortable with people mentioning God and was opinionated. In fact, BBA made me very uncomfortable but I was able to recognize it and push myself to go and to get into the work because of that uncomfortableness and do you agree with this thing it has to be abandoned yes absolutely god is a huge part of my life today and my sobriety and recovery and that is only because i abandoned this idea you know it's it mentions it in the book you know we had to let go of our old ideas and the result was no unless we let go absolutely so it's been a huge one of the biggest gifts from this program is the open-mindedness that i've gained and just the perspective change And it's all thanks to this word. I'm going to do also number 12. Who are you? I'm Rich, and I'm a recovered alcoholic. Do you believe you already know everything you need to know about living life? I just want to tell a story of what God did for me. Me and my sister grew up a year apart, and we hated each other until I got into the program. and i i was able to forgive her and i went to her not bringing up anything that i did that she did to me but anything that I did to her and I fully wholeheartedly was wanting to forgive her. And I forgave her and God gave me a holy ghost download of what her whole life was about. And like she was, I used to think she was possessed by the devil. But I understand because of that holy ghost download i understand who she is as a person why she does what she does and now when she acts out i can love her deeply regardless of how she acts to me because i know why she's doing it and it's she's just reacting from the belief of the world and that has happened to me so many times and any relationship i have in life i need god to reveal that stuff so i can love that person up and not react to um to the physical part of what's going on but know the spiritual side of that thanks mr mike my name is mike i'm a recovering addict hi mike first i'd like to say fuck this step this is the most difficult one for me all the words can't even describe it when we were talking When I was trying to work through it, I was getting really resistant. And I was just getting that play. I was like, fuck it, fuck God, fuck the BBA, fuck everything. I'm going to do this myself like I always have. I don't need nobody, you know? And that comes to me because my mom was real religious, extremely religious. And she wound up dying when I was 16 because of her beliefs. and then uh so you know I was homeless at that time and uh I blame God you know and then three months after that my best friend died you know on top of that um so I had a lot of resentment towards God as a matter of fact I mean I'm a skydiver that's one of the things I do but way back in the day when I only had like 100 jumps I remember I jumped out one time and my lines got twisted and I was below a certain altitude 2,000 feet we had to make that decision to cut away your main parachute and i was below that and so you know when you cut it away how low i was you have 10 seconds before you hit the ground you know so uh i remember when i cut cut my main parachute away and i opened up my reserve right when it popped open i said fuck you you didn't give me this time motherfucker like that's what i said you know because i thought god was always out to get me i thought i always survived despite god not because of god you know wow so uh but as life goes on I keep getting these things that I can't deny 12 years ago in the midst of my addiction the worst part I was done I had gotten a diagnosis I was done I wasn't supposed to live I couldn't stop using drugs so I pull my car into the garage I put the hose into the muffler into the window I turn it on make sure it works and I'm writing our names and numbers of my people that I know so whoever finds me can call them and let them know I'm not here anymore. I was done. So right when I was with the last name, I'm thinking to myself is there anyone else I forgot? Is there anyone I forgot now? I think I got everybody all right good let's do this and I was getting out of my bed and sure enough an acquaintance from the drop zone that had never been in my house never showed up at the door where my garage was and knocked on the door and And asked, Mike, are you there? Mike, Are you there. So I opened up the door and he starts crying. He sees what's going on. He goes, Come on, I'm getting the hell out of here. I've known that guy 12 years. That never has happened before. And it's never happened since. You know, he's never shown up unannounced. And that's just stuff that I can't ignore. You can't call it coincidence. So I started thinking him back. And I don't know if you guys can relate. But I think about all the white outs, all the blackouts, all the dangerous situations, the dangerous people. all the times that we all should not be here how many times am i going to call it a coincidence and i was telling this story to my friend and i go what the why am i so special what makes me so special about my mom she worshiped god what about her what about all my friends with all my friends in the marines that have died what about my skydiving friends of the day what about them why am I so special and then my friend told me he goes why not you Don alcoholic I also just wanted to note a personal experience we just got done with step one I was involved with BBA many years ago I went through the work and even going through the works second time after step one as I went through the I was able to pick out enough things in there to rationalize that I was not an alcoholic I went out six years ago and it was a nightmare so if anybody is going through this and they're thinking they you know they've found enough in there to say I'm not an alcohol if you want to hear my experience feel free to talk to me so I chose question 12 did you believe you already knew everything you need to know about life yes kind of I knew enough about life but had an underlying feeling that God was needed somewhere what is new is the growing clarity that God is everything God is the answer to all my problems, and I can have a personal relationship with God. That's it. You dropped the ball. You dropped it. Get up here, Gary. These are great answers. My name is Gary. I'm an alcoholic. Gary. I chose nine because I've always believed in a power greater than myself, but I chose to run away from it because I wanted to be popular and liked by my peers and different people and that's where alcohol took me but I had an experience that's a miracle in AA and it's a physical one uh this is about two years ago I came down with rotator cuff so bad in my arm I couldn't lift it I couldn'T move my thumb I had it over here years ago and they took care of it but this one here I could not move it at all and I went to the doctors and They said, well, you've got to do an MRI. That's $500. You've got a new operation. That's 10,000 to 15,000. Mind you, I'm completely broke. So I did the only thing that I could do, and that was to follow directions, what it said in the book. When we're said to pray, you pray. When we are said to write, you write. And I did that, and I asked God to remove this because I couldn't do it under my own well-being. And two months later, normal. I've got to tell you, the power of prayer is so powerful. Leanne alluded to it a little bit. If you're praying and you're not getting the answers to your prayer, you may want to consider a change. You know, just a little one. Because for me, I was taught to pray on something that was moving, you know, something that was alive. Now, I've been to a lot of different congregations in a lot of different situations. And for me personally, i know what works because i see the power of prayer being answered in the miracles by the people who share that with me and i wanted their fruit not the fruit of something else it was rotten so that's why nine is so important came to believe in a power greater than myself so i could build this effective archway to go through and get free and be happy inside and right there on 27 in the second chapter you've got to understand this because they talked about it again here and that's a psychic change of your personality change where the old ideas and the emotions and all the things that are involved have been rearranged that's when you can finally get a hold of the spiritual power that you're really looking for that's what i've done so anyway thanks for let me share. Oh, number 12. My name is Michelle and I'm an alcoholic and an addict. I didn't think I knew everything but I thought if I learned enough about the brain, about human behavior and communication that i could have a life free of addiction that my life and my relationships would be manageable i don't think it's egotistical i just thought that was the recipe self-knowledge but i learned that that was wrong so i don'T THINK IT WAS EGOTISTICAL I WAS JUST CONFUSED BUT LIKE I SEE NOW LIKE I GOT TO SEE PAT YOU KNOW AND KIND OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM the work so far and from you that day was knowing that self-knowledge doesn't work, knowing that self-reliance isn't going to work I'm given those two choices and you know what he said was like I have a disease right I need comfort ease and comfort and my two solutions are drugs and alcohol or God and I really do see that those are my two choices like I've looked for other ones and it's just not happening so I'm going to say that I have been having a hard time with God and I just want to bring that up real quick and you covered it a lot when we're talking about the bad trees as a gay person I was told I was a sinner and I asked people that question too you can ask Dee, I ask her that question all the time. Do you think I'm a sinner? And so I'm the one who... I'm intolerant of her sometimes. Not that she says I am a sinner. But because I think she might. So sometimes I get scared when people talk about God at the podium. Because I think they're saying I don't belong. When I first came into the rooms and I saw God... 100%. When I saw Gott on the steps, I said, that's not for me. they won't let me have that I don't belong here and that's years of my life coming in and sitting there and saying it's not for me but you guys have said it and Kenny said it to me like God uses everything and so yeah My name is Kenny. I'm an alcoholic and an addict. And I'm all teary-eyed because, you know, it's, I mean, my experience mirrored yours so much, and yours as well, too. I came in with so much anger and so much hatred towards God. And when, for me, I had a mental breakdown in, we had a mandatory Bible study that we had to go to at my sober living, and i literally had a a full-on panic ptsd attack in the the the meeting of my mom having a whole bunch of books that i had on like buddhism and witchcraft and stuff like that in front of a fire saying you throw that in the fire and say i rebuke you in the name of jesus so i got crazy you know i got lazy religion and but she didn't know better you know um that's not god's heart at um and um so I was very angry when I came in but you know what um I was really beaten into submission and it wasn't a submission in the sense of like um okay you're I guess I'm gonna try you um it was it was like okay you know I see it working in people's lives and I'm like okay this this has to work for me or else I'm going to die and I love this woman so much that But it made it so much easier to start believing in God because you can see God in someone. So really quick, my answer for nine is do you now believe or are you willing to believe that there is a power greater than yourself? And A, yes. And B is because I've experienced him. I've talked with him. I felt him. I've listened to him. I've sought him. I've seen his loving hand in my life and in others. I praised him. I worshipped him. I've cried with him, I've laughed with him and shared him with others you know that's the type of personal relationship that we get in this program with God it's like that best friend you've always wanted but you know best friends they move away sometimes sometimes they die sometimes bad things happen to them but he will never leave you nor forsake you so thank you Hi, Christian Alcoholic Addict. Hey, Christian. You know, and just going over these questions, like I just mentioned, I left my pamphlet at home. But when I went through these, a couple things just kind of – obviously I'm here because of grace. There's no doubt in my mind. But for me, you know, through the years, I have – I tried to, like, intellectualize this whole process and gain knowledge and just, you know, I go to rehab and I'm like, okay, I'm going to learn as much as I can about this disease and all this synthetic knowledge and years and years of gaining all the information. And I never really got the results that I'm walking in now and the freedom that I have now because it's not an intellectual program, it's a spiritual one. And, like, through the years of God literally beating the crap out of me to come to submission, to come to a point where I'm willing to start turning all of myself over to God. Not just 80%, not the 90%. Like I was doing, I'd have half of myself in, or like I said 80-90% in. And then it's that part that I hold on to takes me out every time, or took me out every time. Until I was able to just be like, okay, you know, and start adopting these spiritual principles that they talk about. and be able to develop a new constitution within myself to really start implementing spiritual principles that we talk about in the room. So anyways, I'm just grateful to be here. So thanks a lot. Man, what an awesome sharing tonight. You guys, I love you guys. I mean, seriously, you guys are dedicated. I mean, little Michele you're just a special place in my heart I mean the privilege of watching people light up God I was going to read it but I'm not going to reading it but you know you are just so dear she capsulized perfect okay, I lied sorry I asked permission of Michele And Michelle said the following. I won't read all of it, but my favorite part, and we were speaking there tonight, and she goes, was the internal condition, the need for ease and comfort, the solution being alcohol or God. And just removing the drink doesn't work. I wish someone had told me that 15 years ago. Laugh out loud. but god brought me here to this workshop and i am discovering you were right on when you said god has a use for all of our tragedies i love you see you tuesday man what you're experiencing here tonight is god in action he always shows up and right now what's happening we're going to go over the assignment for next week but God is making deposits into your heart tonight so that you can begin to make deposits in other people's hearts not withdrawals I took and I took until the well was dry with every person around me and the very things that I always wanted love, understanding care, concern compassion fullness of life, freedom enjoyment, peace all those things I thought I had to take it from you to get it and that wasn't true it was the exact opposite I had a chance to get that from God and then give it to you wow I don't know, I'm speechless this is an incredible night for me personally, seriously Okay, so assignment next week. Make a commitment to yourself tonight. Everybody in here, make a commitment to keep on keeping on through this work, okay? Do not settle for half measures. It's tough. You know, we're 10 weeks in, but the good stuff is coming. The good stuff. Don't miss out on the meal. Don't mess out on it. It is a five-course year. I'm telling you, it's the best stuff ever. And will it rock at you? Yeah. Will it scare the holy bejesus out of you? Yeah. Will you get to the other side? Absolutely. Okay, next week. Simon 11, the last half of step two. Last half. So I think it's like 51 to 58. Is that what it is? so if you had a chance make sure you catch up you guys mean the world to Leanne and Nancy and I thank you guys so much for coming let's close out with the seven step prayer and can we get a couple volunteers to help clean up anybody clean up okay we got two or three that's great do we need people for bringing snacks next week Rodney is doing that Rodney's bringing food. Snacks. Anyone want to bring some snacks? Dessert. I'll bring snacks. Excellent. Thank you. Thank you, Rodney. That was great. All right, let's close out the seven-step prayer. Man, that was good stuff. This is like a drop-the-mic night. This is great. Okay, my creator. My creator, your creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defective character that stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen. Stay! Yeah, good stuff people.