The Soul Sickness of Mind, Will, and Emotions – Harold L.

About This Speaker Tape

A jail cell in 1987, out of ideas and facing a parole violation with two more felonies on the horizon. Harold L. didn't arrive at the rooms seeking a spiritual life; he arrived because he had burned his world to the ground.

He describes a childhood of "hand-me-down everything"—from clothes to a drum set with a trash can for a cymbal—and a soul that felt like a wild horse, afraid and reacting to every saddle. For Harold, the "magic juice" was a way to numb a life of abuse and the grit of the streets. He speaks of a "soul sickness" of the mind, will, and emotions, admitting he didn't want a Higher Power to correct his plans, only to co-sign them.

He views his recovery not as a theological debate, but as a practice of humility. He warns that while some are born 50 yards ahead in the race, he started with a backpack of bricks, eventually learning to borrow faith from the room until he found his own.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Harold L. introduces himself and his home group, AA on the Rocks.
• 4:30 Childhood memories of playing church with potato chips and grape Kool-Aid.
• 12:15 Discussion on the Third Tradition: the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking.
• 16:40 Analysis of the 'soul sickness' and the impact of childhood trauma and abuse.
• 21:10 The metaphor of the 'backpack of bricks' and the struggle with materialism in early recovery.
• 28:30 Discussion on Step 11 and the practice of prayer versus intellectual debate.
• 34:15 Laughter: The story of the 'foxhole prayers' and the plea bargain with a Higher Power.
• 40:20 The 'wild horse' metaphor for the newcomer resisting the saddle of a principled life.
• 44:10 Harold's resistance to sponsorship due to a lifetime of dealing with probation officers.
• 52:10 Q&A: Defining the soul as mind, will, and emotions.
• 58:45 The 'seed of grace' and the importance of planting oneself in fertile soil.