The Smartest People in Mensa Found Out Alcoholism Is Caused by Drinking 😂 – Cliff R.

My name's Cliff Roach, and I'm an alcoholic. Now they offer me sexual favors. now they come around with it you know I can't remember who gets tied up for God's sakes and now they like kicking a dead horse isn't it I'm sure glad my Al-Anon's not with me tonight. My wife, Pat, my Al Anon, always like to introduce us, my Alanon. You know how they introduce us? Have you met my alcoholic? Sit up, boy. Sit up. Tell them how long you've been sober now. But she's not feeling really great lately. She really wanted to come because there are so many people here that both of us love so much, and she wanted to see them, and I'm disappointed she couldn't come. We've been married 60 years. I sponsored a guy who's been married 58 but you had divided by 7 and Al-Anon's done a lot for her she wasn't much when we got here she had that pre-Al-Anan grimace Do you remember that, you married guys? Don't you think you had a few too many? No, you had a few to few. That's your problem, lady. And mine was the worst kind, the counter. Weren't they miserable, those counters? That's her fifth one today. shut up and eat your breakfast and leave me the hell alone but we've been trudging this road of happy Nancy for a long time now my sobriety dates the 13th of January 1970 as my good friend over there was talking about I'm not remembering the 60s. You know, and he was young. I don't remember the damn 60s either. And I was a schoolteacher the whole year, 10 years. I got the knots on my head to prove it too. Worst years of my life, the 60, horrible years. I love drinking. I hear people in AA a lot of times say they say things like I never cared for the taste of alcohol I always want to say would you care for the tastes of these and I loved the taste of booze, I just loved it I loved everything about it but I had this one problem with it I would be having drinks and I'd be at a party and I'd just be having just the time of my life. You know, I was a lampshade-on-the-head type guy. And just, oh, good old Cliff. And then I would get to that drink. And I always knew that drink, I always knew it. My mind would say, this is the one, Cliff. You drink this one, you're going to do tricks. And you know what I said. Well, well, well. And then I would have the subsequent few drinks and I would say, Banzai! And I wouldn't run amok. And I got in a lot of trouble and a lot of horrible things happened, but it was worth it almost. Not when it was happening, but you know. I don't like people in AA that want to talk about their childhood a lot. I remember my sponsor, I just said about seven things about my father. And he said, how long has your father been dead? And I thought that was a poor topic to bring up then. You know, he didn't want to hear about my childhood. He didn't wanna hear about the fact that I was dead. He didn' t want to talk about my trauma. Because it has nothing to do with me being an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic because I'm a alcoholic. When I was very, very new in AA, I met a wonderful man who'd been sober a long, long time. And for some ungodly reason, he took a real liking to me. His name was Dick Heaton. And he was a superior court judge up in Ventura, which is about 135 miles from where I live. But he'd been down in R&I many, many... He was just so kind to me, that man. He was an incredible man. and there was a great surfing spot and I was a surfer dude and it was a great surfing sport right near the where his law judges offices were and I would go you know how ignorant and stupid I was he had said drop by and see me you know so I'd get out of the water in my cut offs and tank top and I will go up to the back of the judges office and knock on the door and the ladies who cared the judges would come to the door and I'd say, I'm here to see Dick. She went and got him. And he would stop court and come back and talk to me. You know, like I was a real person. He really was interested in what I had to say and to talk to be and I adored the man. But I heard him talk one night and he had been for many years the president of Mensa. You know Mensa? That's the smart people's club. it took me about a month to learn how to spell it but he had been the president of Mensa and he, before he got sober he and another member of Mensah made a study of alcoholism they studied it for two years while drinking they almost died But these two brilliant members of Mensa, after studying alcoholism in two years, came to the conclusion that alcoholism is caused by drinking. Who would have known, huh? And so I would think that probably at least half the people in this room or maybe more had a dreadful childhood, maybe worse than mine. Mine was a nightmare. both my parents were alcoholic all my aunts and uncles were alcoholic everybody in our family is an alcoholic they're Irish Catholic alcoholics oh really one for us they'd have these meetings in phone booths but very very very violent alcoholics a lot of blood a lot heads hitting walls a lot of, you know, and it wasn't easy for me either. And I grew up and I grew out of that, but as a result of that I don't know. I know it has nothing to do with me being an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic because I drank too much. But somehow somewhere in my childhood I came to the conclusion that I was not enough. and if you'd have put me against the wall and said enough of what I would have said I don't know I'm not enough I knew that and I had always known that I knew it from the time I was four years old I never let it slow me down a hell of a lot I accomplished a lot in my life I got out of that house as soon as I could I won World War II And actually, World War II was an improvement over my childhood And after World War III, I went to college Which is kind of ridiculous Because my high school transcript was a joke There's no way that I could have gotten into a college If I hadn't just come out of the war But in spite of the fact that I'm not enough I graduated with honors from college. I got honors and distinctions and master's degrees. I accomplished all kinds of things in my life, but I never have been happy. Never quite was enough. So I started looking outside of myself for enough. and it had nothing to do with my drinking except after I drink a while, after I drank about a half an hour and I don't give a damn what it is. You know, I love it all. Vanilla extract, I'm not real crazy about that. But if that's what you're drinking, Hey, all right, let's go. You have to admit it has bouquet. I love to drink with people because fighting was really important to me. And you were raised in that family. Being tough, you weren't a man unless you were tough. And being a man was the most important thing of all. If you're not enough, you have to do something to prove you're enough. And so when I drank about 20 minutes, whether I was with you or alone, the part I like to remember was the last three years. I was one of the top debate and speech coaches in the nation, which is hard work and very demanding. and you've got to just be tougher and nails and scream and yell and curse at people all day. And I don't drink all day, all these weenies that talk before me, these skid row bums. I'll appear with them but I don' t hang out with them. I'm a functioning alcoholic. I'm the kind of guy that gets up every day goes to work and does the job and does it better than you. I do it better than anybody. I'm a goer and a doer and an achiever. A functioning alcoholic. My buddy at home says a functioning alcoholic is one whose wife works. Don't tell that in a hell of a non-meeting either. They don't think that's funny. Makes them go. And I had become one of the top debate coaches in the nation because I hated a guy who insulted me. And I worked 14, 15, 16 hours a day in their faces screaming and yelling and coaching. and out in the Glubkin Co-op apartment with my 58 Chevy, my surfing car. You should have seen. One time I was drunk, I painted it with house paint. And every, every, there wasn't any place that wasn't dented. You know, it was just smashed and dented on headlight. You know it was up like this. I come to a four way stop sign and everybody goes, oh, oh, you know. It would be out in the parking lot of the high school where I taught at Oceanside High. Only car left in the lot, sitting out there, empty lot, my car, because I was still working at 930 at night. But I knew, see, I don't touch a drink all day. I'm not like these weak people. I don'T have to drink all Day. I don' t eat all Day either. Did you? I drink like 200 cups of coffee and I stay pissed off you know and so by the end of the day I'm wound up into a nut you know, the nerves of my fingers are hanging out about that far my brain's too big for my head every muscle yeah, I wanted to look at that Oh, my God. I'm really old. Oh, jeez. I shouldn't have done that. Wow! Seven girls, you said? Oh, wow. Some brave young ladies there, I'll guarantee it. But I never get all day. In the glove compartment, I always had a half a pint of hot vodka. Oh, I love hot vodka, didn't you? We all went out on either wine or cheap vodka. Whatever thrifty head in the basket that week, that was my brand. But it would just lie there in the glove department, called to me all day, I don't touch it all day! I'm a functioning alcoholic! Go get them Cliff, baby, I'm waiting, darling! and I'd finish with that last kid in the evening can I Mr. Roach I'd lurch my way out to that 58 Chevy and not get in the car I smoked cheap stogies in those days and I would light up a stogie and I opened up that half a pint of hot vodka and I was I would just say And I always drank half the half pint God, it felt good And I would puff on my cigar Damn, you're a good coach And I'd finish that pint Half pint and I would sit there in the darkness of my car and I would have my eight minutes and this is my story it's the only one I have if you come to Carl's bed on a Thursday night I'll sit in the front row and list every word of your story but this is my story and my story says that after I drink that half a pint of hot vodka and I sit there in the darkness of that car and smoke my cigar, after about 20 minutes to a half an hour something happens to me. And it always happened to me I would have about eight minutes where everything in my life was all right. for eight minutes i was enough i damn near died for that eight minutes i came just this close to being dead because the eight minutes is the only happiness i was ever to know as far as i was concerned it was the only happiest i had ever known If you would have stopped me on the street and said, what's serenity? I would have said it's about eight minutes, a half an hour into my drinking. See, that was the only peace of mind I'd ever known. That was the one time in my life where I'd been completely and totally enough. Now by now, I've been in and out of AA for five years. I'm a loser's loser. I'm a smart ass sit in the back row and smirk make fun of you and sneer I can't even do it anymore but I was really good had the head bobbed down the whole thing and I'd come in and I would go out for two years and I came back for 30 days and go out another couple of years just a miserable over educated pompous ass loser but for eight minutes in that car I would have my peace of mind and I'd drive home and I was married to this lady at that time for 20 years and we had these five children all mentally ill. Three of them were in high school in the late 60s probably in high school with him. My oldest son was working his way through high school as a hashy salesman. You never had to give him any spending money, I'll guarantee you. Had hair down to his ass, you know, and his head went like this all the time. Called his mother, man. Hey, man, what's for dinner? Oh, he was a pip. You should have seen him. He loved LSD. And I'd be right in the middle of a sentence and he'd say, What was that? And hell, the shape on me. And I said, I don't know. What was it? Where? What? And my drunken mother-in-law lived with us. And she would say, I'll explain it. Christ. My oldest daughter was in a relationship with this lunatic. and the middle daughter was 14. She's well into her story. And the little kid just wet the bed and walked in the walls. They didn't know what the hell was going on. You know? And when I walked out of my parents' house, I think the last thing that went through my mind, I said, at least I'll never be like them. And I wasn't. I was worse. I made my parents look like cupcake kids. I was a horrible, terrible, drunken, miserable, violent father. Well, I was miserable, vile and everywhere, but at home it was worse and I drank maybe the last six and seven years at home every night and no human power could have relieved my family. It was too late. It was two legs. We were all insane, and we were all hate-filled. It was too late. No human power. And so we had our last big fight, and for the last time I threatened to move out, and they all said, Hooray! HoorAY! Go Fort Pad! And I moved out, and I was living down at the beach where I'd wanted to live anyway with my surfboard. and I'd said for years if I just unload that witch and those long-haired dope fiend children, I'd be okay. And it wasn't working out. And I went by the house one afternoon and I was haranguing my wife about money, I suppose. And the hashish salesman was kind of bobbing in the background there humming a tune from the planet Pluto. And I turned to him and I said, But Dave, what's it like not to have your old man around the house? And my 16-year-old boy looked me straight in the eye and he said, It's beautiful. And I didn't know it for several hours, but that's my bottom. That's as far as I'm going. I noticed some of these this weekend is kind of a weenie bottom, but what are you going to do? I lost the respect of a 16 year old kid and I went back to that dump on the beach that afternoon I ran and raved and sniveled and whined for a while but I went out and sat on a screen porch and watched the most beautiful sunset that I've ever seen over the ocean and I saw what my son saw I saw that I'd given up my own self-respect a long time before that and I went in the bedroom, dug out the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and for three days and three nights I read the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I read its story, every story. I red the appendix in the back. You know, I didn't sleep. I ate a little bit. When I dozed off I'd wait three days to three nights. And on three o'clock in the morning on the 13th of January 1970, I got to page 63 again. And if there's any new people here that could afford this thing, you missed that. Wake up! I got to page 63 and I saw the little prayer which is step 3. And it seemed like it would be a good idea if I would kneel down on that dump in the beach and read the prayer out loud to myself. And that's what I did. I said, God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self. And I've heard probably 200 fifth steps in all my years in the program. And the number one defective character of every man I've ever worked with is self-obsession. Self-obsession Before I was four years old I built myself a wall I guess to keep you out I don't know why else I would do it But all I did was build a wall To keep me in And Peggy when I was new Was talking and she said Alcoholism is the only prison Where the locks are on the inside And my little sponsor said there's 12 keys to let you out, Cliff. And because you're a brilliant intellectual, we numbered them for you. And on my knees that morning, I had a spiritual experience. Nothing like Bill Wilson had. No wind up my yin-yang or anything like that. I just knew I wasn't in charge of my life anymore. I knew I wasn't in charge of my life anymore, and it was going to be all right. It was a feeling. How do you paint a feeling? I tried for years to tell you what happened to me on my knees that morning. And when I was 32 years sober, in the grapevine, this little girl in Ohio wrote a grapevine article. And she had been in a treatment center. She was 17 years old when she was in the treatment center, She was 22 when she wrote the article. And she did exactly what I had done 32 years before. She was reading the book. She got to page 63. She knelt down in that treatment center and read the third step out loud to herself. And in the article, she said, I was engulfed by a great laughing love. That'll do it for me. That's what happened to me. I wasengulfedbyagreatlaughinglovethathasfilledthisroomtonight. Filledthisroom tonight. And that evening, I was at this fellow Bill Blake's house. He was one of those AA crazy people that leaped on me every time I'd come around to AA and try to help me. You know the kind you hate. Just leave me alone for God's sakes. I didn't like the guy. I really didn't want to be with him. I didn' t like him at all. So I think it's interesting, and I was knocking on his door that evening. and uh i told you i was a five-year loser and i was a very obnoxious loser you probably guessed that and i wasn't wise ass and i didn't know what to do i was an overeducated really smirky smart ass loser the kinds of really dislike and margie bill's wife opened the door i have never seen anyone so glad to see me in my life. Cliff, oh, this is great. In the house I go. Slaps me down at the table. Pours me a cup of coffee. Oh, this is wonderful. Oh, this is great. Bill's had nobody to work with lately. He's just been crazy. Oh this is so good. Then Bill comes in. Ah! Ah, Cliff! About a half an hour and thinking anything else I can do to help you folks out. Be glad to help any way I can. They made me feel like Cliff's here. We can start AA now. and the topic that David Koresh gave me no I know someday that's going to be in the paper he and his minions will be burning up on some little Alano club I'm right I tell you I'm write anyway he gave me this topic Well, I gave it to his sponsor, Clancy, who canceled. So he gave it to me like he did two years ago. He didn't want to ask me to sponsor him. I'm much more helpful. But I'm supposed to talk about service, and I'm going to. Surprise! See, those two were just absolutely rhapsodic to see me. Now, it wasn't that they didn't care about me. They had been praying for me for five years. Every time I came around, they tried to help me. See, but they knew the great secret. You can't stay here unless you're willing to give it away. You cannot stay here, unless you are willing to get it away." Now as one of the other speakers said, I'm probably selling Christianity to the choir, but most of the people that should hear us talk about service ain't here. So anyway they had a chance to do service. Here I was a real loser. Everybody else in AA had given up on me a long time before. What an opportunity for them to do some real service. And so they were just delighted for themselves. They weren't kidding me. I was too sick. You couldn't have fooled me that you were pretending like you were glad. They were in stack because they had somebody to work with, somebody to give this to. And they were the best at that in the world, those two people. And my little sponsor had a theory and he drilled it into me. He believed that everybody who comes to AA has alcoholism and we can take care of that. But he also believed that anybody who comes TOAA has some gift that will make AA better. That you have that probably most other people don't have. And you don't even know what it is when you get here. But he firmly believed that if you don' t bring your gifts, you have to go back out there and die. It's part of this thing, giving it away. And how you give it away is your business. There's maybe two or three people in this room who know what a dreadful speaker my sponsor was. He was probably the worst speaker in the history of AA. And he knew it, you know. He would say, I've talked everywhere in AA once. Oh, he was awful. He's dreadful. He'd never get out of World War II. He was a bombardier in World War III. And he never, you know, time's up. Oh, the war's not over yet. Oh, one time we almost died laughing. He got a watch with a bell. And we were up in L.A. and he was talking. And he was still in World Wars II. And the watch went ding, and he said, oh, and then I got sober. Oh, he was dreadful. But when you put my sponsor in the front seat of a car with a newcomer, he was magic. He was magic! I don't know how successful he'd be as sponsor today, because he didn't worry about your feelings a lot. You know, he was not up on feelings. The nicest thing he said to me for the first five years was, shut up. That's the nicest thing he said. And of course, I said, I have degrees, you know. He said, so does a thermometer. You know where they stick that sometimes. I thought the first step was, shut up and get in the car. Except he had a colorful adjective before car. Shut up and getting the car in the backseat on the hump. There's a method to that too. You know, if you're the guy in the Backseat on The Hump, you become a 12 stepper. You find a new guy. Hey, come with us. I'm on the window now baby and we talk about love that crazy little electrician took me to a meeting every night for two years he took me to a meaning every night for two years. You want to talk about love? You want me to talk about service? About a year after I got sober, Pat got sober and then Al and then Skip and then Bob then the other Al and pretty soon we were like two carloads of guys and we went somewhere every night we went all over Southern California we went to good meetings what we called good meetings what I call a good meeting is when people are laughing I have no use for other meetings where we're not laughing. To me, laughter is the spiritual part of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The stuff where I used to lie awake all night and teeth grinding, my stomach turning, muscles in my body tight. It's funny now in the hell with it. Oh, laughter cures it all. I'd love to get me some new scuzzbag guy and take him to a meeting and take Him to another meeting being of service to Him. And maybe the 12th or 13th or 14th meeting He's sitting beside me and He goes, Huh? Gotcha! I gotcha now, you son of a... and my wife is she's more vicious than me and she and i get these brand new little alenons we always take them to aa speaker meetings first you know like this we get her in between us you know where she can't escape and uh you know some guy like me's up here said i fell on the christmas tree and smashed all the presents you know and we're all going And this new Al-Anon sitting there. Not funny to her? So we pick her up tomorrow night and take her to another meeting. I don't know, whatever it is, A.A. or Al-Alanon, once we get you laughing, we gotcha. Because laughter is what ties us together. God Almighty. the stuff we laugh at huh i had a student of mine a former student of mine he was a big deal he won olympic medals and he was a great big shot and every few years he'd stop by and take me to some expensive place for dinner and uh i took him to my thursday night meeting he was in town that night and here's this guy he's a multi-millionaire he's known all over the world and now it's a speaker meeting and we're laughing and have a good time and as we were walking out of the meeting This guy said, boy, I wish I'd have drank more. I wish I would have drunk more. Because he saw what we had. And I think laughter is right down at the heart of it, isn't it? Nothing I laugh at will ever come back and haunt me again. It's funny now, I'm in hell with it. And so that little guy hauled us around everywhere. And wherever we went, we had to be part of and hang to. I was sober, oh I don't know, a long time. And whatever was wrong in my life he would tell me to do something for you. Which made no sense at all. You know, like my kids were on drugs You know, I owed $5 billion and I didn't have a brass razzoo. And she wouldn't go to Al-Anon, had a foul mouth. And I would just be cracking up. I'd just be having a nervous breakdown. So I'd go to my sponsor's house. And he'd come to the door and I'd say, you know what they're doing over there now? And he would say, come on in, Cliff. Sit down, tell me about it. And I'd tell him, take a while. And he never interrupted. He never once interrupted me ever. He would listen. You know, I found it's pretty good to make a little noise once in a while like, huh? Then they think you're paying attention. But finally, I just run down. And he would say, go get Al and take him to the meeting. What the hell is that about? You know, it's like asking a guy, what time is it? The horse is dead. What's it got to do with a nervous breakdown, for God's sakes? but I'd go get Al and he had no driver's license of course and he was a 10 year loser I was only a 5 year loser and he's the biggest blowhard the world has ever known I got a witness over here that's after he was 40 years sober and I'd load Al in the car blah blah blah we'd get to the meeting We'd set the meeting up, make the coffee, everybody come in, everybody go home. Al and I'd set them eating down, stack the chairs, do the coffee pots, load him in the car, drive him home, blah, blah. And I'd get to Al's house finally, and I let Al off, and I'd start driving home. Now this is in my first year of sobriety. And as I'm driving home, this feeling would come over me. It would start like right here and then would just spread out through my body. It felt so good it scared me. It feltso good it was terrifying. It would only last maybe 40 seconds. I thought that's because I got rid of Al, you know. It might have been, too. I don't know. But whatever was wrong in my life, he always listened to me. He never told me any way that would help me. He just told me to do for you. He put me into service. The one I hated the very most is to be the door greeter. Now, when I got sober, very few meetings had door greeters. I was the only one, as a matter of fact, in the county. But there was a meeting of maybe 70, 80 people and I had to stand there every damn week. Hi, how are you? Like I really get this. And you could have gone through there and come back a minute later. I wouldn't remember one of your names. I had no news for you anyway. You know, when you're not enough all your life. You know, other people aren't worth that much either. Now I'm sober a long time, over a year, but I'm still not enough. I'm nowhere near enough. I'm no closer to being enough than I ever was. And the only thing is now I'm not enough and I can't kill it. I can have the eight minutes. But I got a little inkling after I left Al off. that little 40 seconds that I had when I let Al off that was better than the 8 minutes ever was it was better than the 8 minutes ever was but it was gone and so I would greet at the door and then of course you'd spill your coffee and he'd have me mop it up you spill the coffee And anybody that didn't have a driver's license, Cliff will drive you home. Not girls, just him. So I drove everybody and there were a lot of them. So whatever service you needed done for you, Cliff'll do it. God, I hated that. because I knew he was going to say it, because he'd go, ah, he's going to give me another job. And then what he did the most. There's some other old people here tonight. You're the ones I know. When I got sober in 1970, there were 12-step calls all over the place. The basic service of Alcoholics Anonymous. The real service of alcoholics anonymous. I used to get two, I mean a year or two later, I would get at least two nights a week, you know, one o'clock at two o' clock, three o' o' clock in the morning calls. And are there any ones new here tonight? Because I got some, the best news in the world for you. If you're new, you have to do everything we tell you. You have to follow through and do it. But you don't have to be cheerful about it. Hey, that's great news, isn't it? Oh, yeah, you don' t have to be glad. I never have I when the phone rang one in the morning said a 12-step call. Never have I done that ever. The phone rings and I say Oh, God! Nobody left in Oceanside but me, for Christ's sakes! Hello? Yeah, sure. I'll get in my car and go listen to your drunken babble. But I'll guess your number and call you every morning from then on. And he took me on all his 12-step calls. And he would go a couple times a week, sometimes during the day, sometimes at night. But I was always the second one. I was just like the good example. Once in a while that new guy would say, oh, you've been sober. I'd say, four months. Four months? You know, I read Impress more than him. And I got into a habit of something I've done, I did just recently. When I get to a new guy's house, when I say a new guy, I don't mean somebody that the first time they ever went to AA. Myself, I don't really give a damn whether this is your first or your 131st time. I don' t care. Because remember what happened to me the night I got here? This loser? I don''t care if you've been in and out. But I always do, first thing I do when I get me a new guy, I get down and I look in his eyes. You know what I see? I see my eyes 40 years ago. I hope I never have to see that look in my eyes again. Did you used to shave without seeing yourself? I did. I couldn't stand to see my eyes I'd shave, cut myself to ribbons I wouldn't look I like my eyes today I like them a lot And I take guys to a meeting This has happened hundreds and hundreds of times Take a guy to a meet Go to a coffee shop after the meeting Sit across the table And the power's in his eyes That night Hundreds and hundreds Of times That night the power's in his eyes. And I gave a guy a cake, a 39-year cake three weeks ago. And I was the one that saw the power come in his eye. And there's no service like that. There's no greater repayment in the world to see that happen in a man's eyes. Oh, we had a lot of fun 12-stepping. We used to do the good guy, bad guy. Like cops, you know? One guy would get the new guy and say, You're going to shut your mouth, quit your goddamn whining, get your ass to beating? The other guy would say, Never mind him. Come here. I don't know what to say. We used all this getting fist fights out in front. I'm the good guys. No, you were last time. Oh, the guy had been looking out the window. He'd have been in trouble. I'd love to be the good guy. That was a lot of fun. And we 12-stepped the world, Al and I. And when Skip came in and Pat and I, the four of us were good guy, bad guy teams. And we went everywhere. Most of the fun I've had in Alcoholics Anonymous is 12-stepping people. You guys that are fairly new, you really got ripped off. I don't know. I worked in central office for like 29 years answering phones, and the last couple of years, I don'T know, I'd work at a six-hour shift and I'd get maybe two calls. It might be 12-step calls, usually women. I DON'T know what it was during that, you know, women would call. And when we first started central office, you KNOW, you'D get five out of six calls a week. A lot of people, and I DONT know that they'RE wrong, They say it's treatment centers and hospital programs when they come to AA. And that might be true. I personally believe that just about anybody who comes to AA today knows somebody in AA, their cousin or their brother. Or, you know, they call a friend or somebody they work with or somebody who knows somebody at AA. When I talked in Oklahoma a few years ago, a young man came up to me and his father had gotten sober in debt in san diego and then he moved back to oklahoma and when this kid's father died he was going through his effects and he found a schedule of meetings from 1971 for san diega imperial counties both counties you know it was like came off the mint i still have it and in 1971 i was sober a year there were 89 meetings in san diego and imperial county in north county today there are 650 meetings a week in north country another 1400 in san diago and god knows how many over there in the desert i ain't gonna go to find out oh yes aa's doing all right huh but we don't get the 12 step calls you'd think we'd get a lot more 12-step calls than we do. A young man that I sponsor, he has 18 years now, but he goes to two newcomer meetings. He hunts newcomers. Man, he tracks them down, you know, and he sponsors a ton of them. And to me, I don't know about you, but when I see Johnny T giving a cake to a guy and I 12-stepped Johnny T 18 years ago. That's a new freedom and a new happiness. That's what it is. Watching the guy you 12-step give a one-year cake to a new guy. That's a long way from what I thought was happiness, huh? I won't tell you about that. You'll throw up. But so he made sure all of us were there in the front lines. You know, after I saw the value of 12-stepping, we just became 12-step kings. And that's the service, I think, that has kept me sober all these years. You can't get a guy and look in his eyes and take him to one meeting and look across the table and see the power in his eye. if you haven't done that i guess you really don't know what a higher power is because it absolutely makes a believer out of you and so i had some good ones uh my friend brown uh jimmy brown lived down in san diego we only had one office in those days in san Diego so he got a 12-step call from an old friend of his who was a really big shot in Arizona. He was like the Attorney General of Arizona, but he knew Jimmy and called him, and Jimmy was two hours away, so he said, well I go down and 12-step this guy until Jimmy could get there. It's about three in the morning, so I went by myself because, you know, and this guy was suicidal. And he, I tried to talk to him, he said no, it's too late, I'm going to kill myself. So I said, how are you going to count yourself. I always get curious about that, don't you? And he said, I'm going to walk out in that surf. He was right at the beach. I'm gonna walk out on that surf till I drown. Now, I told you I'm a surfer. I'd been out in that water in a wetsuit that morning and it was like 51 degrees. So I said, can I come out and watch you? I wanted to see him walk out into that water, you know, So I thought I got to hear he'd come back out in a big hurry, I'll tell you for sure. But I wanted to see it, but he wouldn't do it. And then Jimmy came and I had to let him go. And I think the 12-step calls that were the most meaningful to me of all were the cold 12-stepped calls. I don't know how many of you do that. I don'T know many people who want to give it a go. I only know maybe the fingers of one hand, the men that I've known through the years who will go on a cold 12-step call. That means he didn't ask you. The two most meaningful ones to me were the captain of my speech team, this girl who was just a wonderful, wonderful girl, came to me crying and said, would you talk to my daddy? He's dying. He's going to die of alcoholism. he doesn't want you to come but will you come and so I said ok because I loved her and she's my kid and her father was a marine gunny sergeant and he was lying on the couch and his stomach was about out to here in his liver and he had the color of a daisy and I told him a little about AA and he said yeah I know about you guys it's a crutch you're a bunch of weaklings I'm a marine and we take care of our own problems. I said, pardon me, but your liver's out about this far. And he dismissed me. And a month later he died. And I went to his funeral. And people were going up and looking in the casket and his little nine-year-old boy, J.J., went up to the casquet and was standing there looking down at his daddy. And my nine-year-old son was snuggled against my side. That guy did the greatest 12-step call to me in the history of the world. My little son snuggLED in beside me and that poor little JJ looking down in that coffin. Seventeen years later, I sponsored JJ. And he's a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. When he came in the door, I went, ah, you're mine. And the other cold call he did was on an admiral of the United States Navy because his family asked me, and I did it because I was the only example of A.A. his family ever knew. And so I went to this hotel, motel, and he wouldn't let me in the store. And something had happened to him, and his eye was infected, and it was, you know, like the eye was gone and it was just gory. But he wouldn't talk to me. He wouldn't let me in. And so I had a friend who was a hero of Inchon. You know, he carried troops out on his back. He was a colonel in Chosen Reservoir. So I went and got him. He was an retired colonel and both of us tried to get in that house and talk to that guy. And he wouldn'T let us in. He was An Admiral in the United States Navy. and he was dead three days later. And you know, those 12-step calls will sometimes stay with you a lot longer than the ones that make it. Later on I got into formal service. You know, the kind where you're a GSR or a DCM. I did the whole alphabet. And I'm one of those people at AA I guess we're kind of rare I was talking about it with Gail earlier There's a lot of people who don't know anything About the structure of Alcoholics Anonymous And don't want to know anything about it And are proud that they don't Know anything about They do their little group And that's fine And the hell with the rest of AA But anyway, I got involved And I really liked it And I got one job And then I got another job pretty soon. They made me the treasurer, and when I was in the second grade, they switched from apples to oranges, and that's the last thing I remember, you know? But luckily, my wife is brilliant, and so we were the treaser, you Know? And finally, I became the delegate for the San Diego Imperial County area in panel 26, which is like a year before the ice age. and that was one of the great experiences of my life and tomorrow morning speaker Bob down here we were delegates together he was a lot bigger shot than me but we were there together and our two years as delegate I think really sums it up for the first year it was a war there was blood on the floor the trustees and the general service office had gone too far we delegates felt And I mean it, I loved it. We really, and it proved that the traditional part of AA is in charge. We had two-thirds of the vote, and we told them what was going to happen, and that's the way it happened. It was fierce. and at uh elsa not elsa uh bill's wife lois came over and at our lunchtime on saturday i remember and she got up there and she said hello to us and then she said you know over at the al-anon they're having a lot of trouble over there we're all going and she says you know what they got in they got to thinking there's them and us she says there is no them there's only us and we hold it and we settled down then and it went pretty well but then the next year was much more typical that at the conference that you know everybody was pulling on the same oars and everybody loved one another the guy who was the taper of the conference broke down in tears when it was over because he'd never seen people get along like that in a in a body like that and so that was a tremendous experience in service now my buddies at home they were very active in other areas so they would say here comes cliff the aa politician how's the politics going cliff and i just smiled and i would say to my buddies this is what 35 years ago i would do this because i want aa to be here for my kids if they need it and if my kids need it i want it to be alcoholics anonymous i don't want it to be some watered-down, psychologized BS. I want it to be the program the little electrician brought to me. I want to be AA. And then we'd laugh and go our way. My youngest son, Chris, has 22 years of sobriety. And he's a great man and a terrific person. Our middle daughter, Jan, had 12 years of sobriety and got a bad back and started taking pills. And I have no opinion on pills. They'll cut you off in the sunlight of spirit and kill your ass dead, but I have NO opinion whatsoever. No opinion. And of course she drank again and got back to the program. She has eight years now, very good years, and is just a sweetheart. Our eldest daughter went wrong. she's been in Al-Anon about 25 years one of the other speakers said don't make fun of Al-Alan don't be a fool don't do that to me my wife and my daughter are two of the greatest examples I have ever known in the power of the program and if you're new here The program is step 1 through 12. That is the program. And if you do the program, your life will never ever be the same again. All the rest is fun and games, and nobody likes the fun and gains more than I do. But I won't lie to you. The program in 1 through12. And my wife and my daughter are two of the greatest examples of the power in the program. They have changed their lives. And the Hashi salesman has been sober over eight years now. He's one of the biggest experts in the world on the growing of coffee. Beats hell out of what it used to grow. You know, he's just in Africa right now. He goes all over the world and he's with this outfit. And he goes to a third-world country and studies the coffee and the soil and decides what plants have to be brought in to crossbreed. And then the volunteers follow him in. And in a couple of years, they don't have to Be Third World countries anymore. You want to talk about a good job? And he speaks Spanish fluently, so he goes To meetings all over South America Central American, and Mexico. And one of his favorite meetings is in Zambia, Africa. He gets there about four times a year. They're really delighted to see him because it makes seven in the meeting when he's there. And he just loves that meeting, and I really envy him. He gets to go all over the world. I don't envy him the flying, but I envy him to be able to go to meetings like that. And he lives across the river from Hood River in Washington. And he's a very active member up there. And like his daddy, he slipped in and out a long time before he got sober. And he gets all the losers, which is a great job. You know, there's more of them than you know. And they get to work with the losers. And that's always the most fun of all. And so I did real service, what we call service. You know Mother Teresa was in our area. I haven't even looked at my watch. These other jackasses want an hour and a half, but I won't. I'm getting closer. Now I forgot what I was saying. Oh yeah, Mother Teresa, remember her? you know a number of years before she died she had been in our area for a while working with her people there and she had a heart attack and they she went in scripts they took care of her and one of my good friends is a cardiologist and he helped take care of her and he said cliff you cannot be in the room with that woman and not know she's a spiritual being you just you know it and this reporter asked Mother Teresa some question, I don't remember what the question was about and her answer was in the paper and I cut that little piece out of the paper and I carried it until they turned yellow and then they just vanished but I carried it with me for years and what she said to the reporter was the fruit of faith is love and the fruit of love is service and the fruit of service is peace. I will comprehend the word serenity and I will know peace. And the fruit of service is peace." I've also had a chance to look at the concepts in our program. Bob and I both had a lot of work to do with those. And a lot of people don't even know about the concepts, and they're very important in our lives. But in the concept, it makes us as promises in there. We have the right to participate. We have the right to participate It doesn't say, but it's implied we have a responsibility to participate too. And it makes me sad. I don't know about anybody else. I know that, well, I was the founder of the North County Intergroup. We had 90 groups at that time. And in our intergroup meeting, we used to have like 75 or 80 reps at every intergroup meeting. And after a year or two, it dropped off to like about 50. And I wrote a big letter, you're not supporting, you know, and they came back up to 80 or 85 out of the 90. Last year in North County, in our intergroup area, we had 650 meetings a week. And the average attendance at the intergroup meeting is 40 out of 650. The concepts say we have the right of participation here. Nothing, it says in the Comp Set, should happen in AA without discussion, vote, and substantial unanimity. Nothing should happen, in a democratic organization, without a discussion and a vote and a substantial unanimitiy. That's more than two-thirds, I figured out. and we have 40 people attending out of 650 where are we going i don't know but i don' t think it's good my little old sponsor told me 85 percent of the people that belong to aa never do a god damn thing 15 percent of people do the work and the rest criticize i've gone a lot of these guys we i've going to talk to the meeting say in st louis one of my favorite places and uh i have a good time and there'll be a bunch of people who are doing the work huh bob there'llbeabunchofpeopledoingthejobs picking up the chair i don't give a damn what it is they'll always say hello to me and talk to meand i'll get to know them then like 15 years later, I'll be asked to go back at that same place. Guess who's there? Guess who's sober? Guess who's happy? The 15%. You know? The Buddha said the only way to be happy is to give it to somebody. That's the only way. The only way to be happy isto give itto somebody. To be of service. I don't know about you. But I'm going to stay in the 15%. Thanks.