The Six Month Deal for Newcomers – Barney M.

Good evening, my name is Barney Morris and I'm an alcoholic. It seems strange somehow to be in here tonight because I now live in the little town of Alderson, West, by God, Virginia. And we have in a circle of maybe seven or eight towns back there, we have maybe a total of about 12 to 15 people who stay sober. And everybody else in and out, in and out court cards. They're new quick and then they're out quick. And so we get the tapes from the Pacific group every week and so I pass the tapes around to people because most of the people there have never really heard a speaker in AA, never heard a Speaker meeting. My Sunday night meeting in Alderson into six people. And one night there was just two of us. And it kind of goes that way, but I said to and have said several times back there, if you ever travel or move to another area, it's important to remember what would it be like if I came to my meeting in Alderson or Lewisburg or White Sulphur Springs and I was all alone? What if I was the only one? what if there were no other alcoholic you know what if I were in the position Bill Wilson was in in 1935 it would be awful and I'm sure that sooner or later I would have to drink again because left to my own devices that's what I do and I drink because it makes me feel better instantly and then it continues to make me feel better until it makes me pass out and then I feel bad but alcohol was my friend and a good thing for me and I know that and I will never forget it and so always stirring in my mind somewhere is the notion if you just had a few drinks you'd be alright and so it's important to me to be able to go to those little meetings and to say that to people and to let them know how important it is because people don't much stay sober back there. There's a guy came in from San Jose at 15 years and he asked me to sponsor him. And I said, the only reason you're asking me is because there ain't nobody else. The next one down is three years. And, you know, it's a different world. If you're new here tonight in this group, I congratulate you because you couldn't be in a better place if you want to get sober and stay sober you're going to get a lot of help here you're going to have sponsorship and you can have direction they've even got the meeting directories now marked off some of them so you can find good meetings to go to where most of these people tend to go to meetings and you'll see them night after night the same faces after a while this blur of faces becomes something that you're familiar with. The faces become real and they become people and after a while, if your case is anything like mine, you actually put a name on the face. And it just takes some time. It took me some time I got sober here in the Pacific group and we were at the meeting was Tuesday night Ohio then but I came here and with all the wrong motivations and wrong attitudes. I don't think motivations matter. I do not think your attitude matters. It is just important that you have your fanny in the chair. That is the only thing that matters. But I came here knowing that I was an alcoholic. I came here, a man who had for a number of years been very successful in the radio and television business and made a lot of money. There is this one little problem. I tend to spend about 50% more than I make. And not much has changed about that. But I owed about $100,000 at the time and my wife was divorcing me. I was losing my home in Woodland Hills. I had six children. I didn't want to get divorced. I knew she was wrong when she called me an alcoholic. And I came to AA just to let her think I was going to do something good. just so she'd drop the damn divorce. Just get on with living, it was my thought. My kind of living. And so I came to AA. Keith Carpenter brought me here to the Pacific Group and I met Clancy and I meant Irv George and I mean, I met all the old timers and I wasn't impressed. I didn't expect to be here too long anyway. My thinking was, if I just don't drink for about six months I'm going to be okay I'll get those bills paid I'll have my life organized She'll come back because you'll see me sober And it'll be wonderful And I thought six months would be really good Matter of fact, I asked a couple people when I was new Is there like a six month deal that you can get here? and I said you know I mean not drinking at all now I mean that but I only need about six months and people say well I've been sober for four years. I say yeah but my case is not that severe. I don't need that You don't understand who I am and you don't understand how much money I've made how successful I've been. I was a poor kid from the south side of Chicago who made it and I was successful in radio and successful in television. And, and, and who are you to tell me about how to live my life? I just, I just had this tendency to overshoot the mark when I drink and I, and I don't mean to do that. It's just a weakness in me. And but I have a lot of weaknesses. And so I got to figure out here intellectually, see? Because all my life the idea had been to learn something. If you learn something and then apply it to your life, it will be better. And to some extent that's true in Alcoholics Anonymous, but the real truth here is, and this is the hard one to get, you must act your way to better thinking. You can't think your way into better actions. because by the time I would think my way to better actions, I'd be drinking again because thinking is the enemy for me. We got signs at AA clubs that say think, think, thing. I would take them all out of there. I just think that's awful for people like me. And so I had to learn that. I had learned that why do we run around in meetings and mop floors and stack chairs and wash coffee cups? Well, not too much anymore, but we used to wash coffee cups. Why do we do these things in AA? Why do we have a sponsor? Why don't we read that stupid book that I considered very badly written, archaic, stodgy? What is it here? They come in these rooms night after night after night and they do the same stuff over and over again. They read chapter 5 and the traditions like they can't remember it. I got one of those blue books. If I want to read that stuff, I could go get that. My thought was let's read something more enhancing, something that's more enlightening, something that is brighter. It will help these poor alcoholics. Because you've got to remember, I don't think I am one. And I don' t think I'm an alcoholic because drinking makes me feel better. And if I stay sober too long, I get totally nuts. My problem, I thought, is a sobriety problem. And I don't know what you do with that. I don' t know where to go with that." If I stay sober too long I can t function, I can t think, everything goes bad and I can't work. Now I don t drink every day and I figured alcohol, I probably drank every day. I didn't drink every day, I drank two or three nights a week usually Monday, Wednesday and Friday unless the heat was on and then I drank Tuesday and Thursday you know it all was a matter of how I felt I had begun to drink somewhere in my early twenties and very soon I discovered this magic about alcohol that is when I drink I feel better no matter what else is going on in my life, I feel better. And the truth is that I was walking around with a series of emotions and you hear about day eight all the time. I was a frightened guy. I Was six feet three and I just a little weasel, just a scared, frightened little kid from Chicago. I had a lot of money and a lot of jobs and a lot of houses and a lot of cars, and I never felt like anything. It was never enough. It just wasn't enough. And I kept trying to get more. And I got more. And it wasn't enough. I couldn't get enough love. I could not get enough of anything. And I discovered that it is impossible for you to love me enough. It is impossible for me to get enough money. It is possible for me to have more than seven or eight cars and feel okay. I mean, it doesn't help. It doesn't helped because it's an inside job and all that exterior stuff just doesn't do it for me. Oh hell, being rich is better than being poor. You know, we all know that but I've seen rich men, millionaires die of this disease because they missed it. They missed the message here and if you miss the message maybe you drink again and maybe you die. I've seen a lot of them do it. And I talk to people now in West Virginia about guys that just won't stop drinking. I've talked about Jim. Jim's still around, but he never gets sober. And then I said to him, I said, Jim, one of these days you're going to be in and out, in and out, and you're going to die, Jim. and he just looks at me and says yeah probably and you can't penetrate sometimes with an alcoholic like me I came here to meetings and I had a sponsor Keith sponsored me and I bought floors on Tuesday night at Ohio Street I became the, when Keith was secretary I think it was in 74, I was the guy counting the house over there. And I used to sit up on the front ledge at Ohio Street and that was twofold. One, I could see the house to count them, but number two, all the pretty girls walked by in front there. So I would sit there and stare at all the girls. And then one night this redhead walked by and somehow I just knew that she could help me. So I started chasing her around to meetings She had three years of sobriety And she said, I don't date newcomers I said, well I'm new now but I'll be old later How about coffee? One night she looked at me and she said How many children do you have? And I said well I have six But they're very small You'd hardly notice them Through a series of misunderstandings I ended up with custody of my six children. Which is always fun when you're two weeks sober, you know. I chased Carol around, chased her around, took her to finally got her to go out to lunch with me and we got married when I was a year and a half sober. And Clancy was the father of the bride because he's Carol's sponsor and Keith Carpenter was my best man. I asked him, would you be the best man at my wedding? He said, by far. Oddly enough, you know, Carol and I have had our troubles. We fought and screamed and argued and hollered and we raised, she had two kids and I had six kids and we raise these eight kids. They're all gone now, thank God. and uh but uh next uh well on the 19th of this month we're going to be married 25 years and uh i'm very impressed with that i never thought we'd make 25 years i really did not i didn't think we'd a year uh but anyway we did she's going to beast over 30 years in uh in April. She doesn't ring. And I'll be 27 in May, still a newcomer. And you know it's been a good life but the most important thing in my AA world has been what I have learned here and what I learned here fundamentally in this group the first two or three years that I was sober and I learned how to function and take actions in Alcoholics Anonymous. It's as simple as that. I thought this stuff was really corny I thought the birthdays were corny I thought it was all just a lot of baloney and when I was six months sober I heard a guy named Chuck C talk and Chuck C was talking I don't know what the hell he was talking about I could never understand that man but he said something to the effect that after I'd been sober for six months I discovered I hadn't had a drink in six months ha ha ha and I thought what is he talking about but the reality is that I was about six months sober at the time, and I thought, well, that's true. I haven't had a drink in six months, and now I'm six months over, and it's time to go. That was my real thought, andI mentioned that to him. I went up to him afterwards that I was talking to him, and he said, give it another day, give another day kid, you know, one more day, and uh and so i did and i was i was very fortunate in that i was in a group where you were kind of forced into a position of taking actions in aa you know i used to go over to jesus used to go play ball on saturday morning i hated them a terrible athlete and i hated doing that and uh and i volleyball was worse because i didn't have any time and i never got to play you know it was just awful and uh the people sitting around there all seemed to be in better shape than i was and I hated that and I used to come to meetings between the two newscasts that I did in the evening, one at five o'clock and the other one at 11 and I wore makeup so people always had to have a comment about that you know, smart ass but I was the most attractive one, I'll tell you that The eyebrow pencil and everything. But I was active in AA without really wanting to be active in AAA, and I was busy in AA without not really wanting to be busy in AAA. And I managed to stay sober, and I got my one-year cake. I always thought I was going to mock all of you when I got my one year cake because that was my intention. I was gonna make a speech and tell you that I was feeling fine and I hadn't had a drink in a year and I was doing all right and I didn't even like your book and I don't believe in God. And when I got my first year cake, I looked up, Keith was coming down that aisle over at Ohio Street with the cake and for some reason I started to cry. Now that's embarrassing for a person like me. And I couldn't stop it and I got up to the podium and I, and I couldn't make my speech. So I waited. I thought, well, I'll do it next year, you know. But AA has been good for me in many places in the country. And if you move from one place to another, let me tell you that wherever you go, it ain't going to be any good. Okay? Where you get sober is the best. I don't care where you got sober. Wherever you got sobers the best! I could bring somebody here from Alderson West Virginia or Hot Springs, Virginia or any place and bring them in here and they would say oh it's nice but not like my home group because that's the way it is in AA for most people You know it's good where you came from. It's good were you learned it. It is good where you've got it I have discovered that why this is good for me right here in this room is because I can walk into this room on any given Wednesday night and there'll be a bunch of people who were here when I walked through the door. And the longer I'm sober, the more important that is to me. The more important it is for me to see long-term sobriety. To see people over here when i got here. It becomes more and more important. And then the class of 72, there's still about 12 or 13 of us around. We never have a dinner, but we know who we are. And this year we're going to have a dinner, somebody said. But our oldest class member, Beverly, is going to take her 27-year cake tonight. And it's been a good life. I lived in Philadelphia for a while thinking if I went back there and I took this job in television that I was going to be rich and famous, and that's what it's all about. and I went back there and I worked hard and I tried and tried and tried but I didn't like the AA back there so I did the only thing that any right thinking egomaniac can do I denied them my presence I started a little AA meeting they called it Barney's meeting and I thought that was okay but I did go to those other stupid meetings you go in and they say hi my name is Joe and I'm an alcoholic and nobody says anything. And they don't read chapter 5 in the traditions. God, what are we going to do without that? And so I didn't like their meetings. I didn' t go to their meetings much. I was busy trying to get successful. And what started to happen was, oddly enough, I became very nervous and very irritable and very crazy. I was having trouble getting along with Carol. My children were driving me crazy. I was a very unhappy guy, and I couldn't figure out why they were doing this to me. And a guy with 18 years of sobriety who's dead now came to my house just to say hello. And he said, how is everything? And I talked to him for two hours. And I explained to him how this wife that I married didn't understand me and the kids were driving me nuts. Some of them were drinking and using drugs, and that's not fair. And it was just a crappy life and I'm trying to get the ratings up and the ratings are not moving fast enough and the guys at CBS in New York are looking at me funny. He said, how many meetings you go to? I said, what's that got to do with anything? I'm three and a half years sober. You know, I'm not going to drink tonight. That's not the issue. oh he said how many newcomers do you work with i said i'm not good at that i can't i tried that and they all got drunk nobody i ever worked with stayed sober he said what are you doing about the third step and i said well i don't believe in god he said well I didn't ask you that I asked you what you're doing about the third step I said how can you do anything about the third step if you don't believe in God he said oh you fake it it's like mopping floors and washing coffee cups it's just another action in AA I said well how do you take the action he said, well here in the book we have the third-step prayer I had missed it oddly enough the man who has sponsored me now for the last 14 years of my sobriety, Johnny has a line that I think is absolutely true. It's funny, but it's true. He said, if you want to hide anything from an alcoholic, put it in the big book. And this guy showed me the third step prayer and he said, If you say that prayer and you go to meetings and you work with newcomers, maybe you're going to feel better. And so I went to meetings. I tried to keep my mouth shut just sat there and listened to them. you always know they're doing it wrong but you listen and I said that prayer all the time and at the end of meetings I would grab newcomers and threaten them and some of them called me now I don't know what to do when they stay sober but some of us did and they're in your living room and they are in your kitchen and you can't get rid of them And they're on the phone, you know, what meeting are we going to tonight? Say, what do you mean we? You're the newcomer. Don't leave me alone. But they just rattle your cage. And they say things like, how do you work the third step? I don't know. I've never tried that one. So what I finally had to do with people that I sponsored and today I do the same thing is open the zipper and let them see what's inside. I have to explain to people that I am a corrupt, no good SOB who has really no rights at all as far as sobriety is concerned. I'm just lucky. I'm fortunate that I fell into the right AA group where they grabbed me and wouldn't let go. But I am not a nice person. I am a moral leper that's somebody who not only sins a lot but that's also somebody who enjoys it thoroughly and I know you're not supposed to like it that much, you're supposed to feel guilty I never did unless I got caught But I don't know why I was lucky enough to be able to stay here with you long enough to get sober. I don'T know whyI was able tostay here withyou long enough. Well, when I was six years sober, I was a failure. I was sitting on a beach in La Jolla crying because my life was over and my wife was leaving me I had no job I had not money, I was deeply in debt the bank was taking my house and my kids were worse than ever and I sat on that beach and I cried and I prayed and I craved because I had know answers I had absolutely no solutions I had tried for six years to be successful rich and famous and all that stuff And I couldn't make it. I never made anywhere near the money drunk that I made sober. And I said that to Clancy once, and he said, Well, tell you what, kid, if you work in this program right, you're probably going to lose half your income. I don't want to hear that. And yet, you know, that's kind of the way it went with me. I think God knows that I'm not supposed to get too much. because if I get too rich then I'll begin to think I did something and then I get back to the arrogance and I get back to the control and I got back to being somebody again and so it's important for me to always be sort of back on my heels a little and he keeps me there pretty much I cried and cried and cried that night but I think I began this business of surrender that night because I knew I was all done I knew i had no more answers to life if I'd have one more good idea I probably wouldn't even be here tonight but I didn't have any more good ideas and I looked up at this guy and I screamed at him and I said you SOB I give up and I didnít know I was beginning this process of surrender which is for me a painful process to let go of anything but I did do that and when I was 16 years sober i happen to be listening to a tape by chuck c and he'd been dead by that time five years and i thought i'd heard everything he had to say i'm driving down the freeway between here and san diego and i and i'm listening to him and he's talking about god and he says talking about his relationship to god and she says i believe the first two words of the hour father mean exactly what they say he's my father and i miss son he's my dad and I'm his kid, and that's our relationship. And I had to think about my own kids. I have all these kids whom I don't always like, and especially since they got to be adults. Actually, I have a great relationship with my grandchildren. I Have 15 grandchildren, and I have a good relationship with them. Do you know why grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have a common enemy. Boy, I'll tell you. But Chuck talked about the father-son relationship and I started thinking about that and I thought, well, what's my relationship with my kids? My relationship with by kids is that I love them but I don't always like them and I'm not always happy with them and they have angered me and irritated me and bummed me out many, many times. But I never stopped loving them. I never stopped loving. I can't! It is not within my power to stop loving them! I said that to a son of mine who called me a couple of months ago because I hadn't heard from him in a couple years and he and his wife were kind of boycotting us and you know they don't talk to us anymore and so he called you know just to, I don't know, just called to say hello. And I told him that. I said, I will love you no matter what you do. I will always. He said, well, I'm really glad to hear that. I said would you like me to come to your house at Christmas? He said no. That's the way it is. But I have accepted that father-son relationship and I talk to God that way. He's my dad and I just talk to him and I know I've done many things in my life that he didn't like and he's been angry and irritated with me, I'm sure, plenty of times. But I don't think he's ever stopped loving me. I think not. He's taken pretty good care of me and Carol in recent years. Carol had cancer here about five years ago and we thought she was going to die and I watched her use AA to get through days when she I remember her waking up in the morning she's not like this by the way waking up in the early morning sitting on her bed just crying, sobbing Carol doesn't do that and I'd say what the hell's the matter and she'd say I'm going to die I think I'm gonna die and I had no answer because I thought so too and I said whatever I said probably was whatever it was, it was useless. Because if you think you're going to die there ain't much anybody can say to you. But I can remember then seeing her at an AA meeting that night with some girl intent on this girl's problem, some hangnail problem. Who cares? My relationship and sitting there intently listening to this girl she sponsors a bunch of women in san diego and and uh and she really used aa to get her mind off of what was going on in her life and she finally uh appears now to have been in remission for a while appears to be doing okay a couple years ago i had lung and heart trouble and i had to quit my job and now i'm retired and uh somebody asked me what I do now that I'm retired and I said nothing. And you don't have to start till noon. It's not a bad life. So we're back there in West Virginia and I got my dog, his name is Bill W and he likes to run around out there and have a good time. He's got 40 acres to run in. He has a goodtime in the snow and chasing the rabbits and the squirrels. It's a good life for us. And, but I'll tell you, it is important for me in the months, three or four months a year in the wintertime that I'm able to be here, that I can come here and be with you and sit with you and watch you and listen to what you say. You know, Ann and Tom tonight said as much AA as anybody's ever going to have to hear and uh and so didn't matter what i do it's the a.a is here it's it's in the holding hands of the lord's prayer it's on the making of the coffee it's sharing of the spilling of the all these things that go on around here and the faces that then finally become familiar and then you hang a name on it and then there's more than one and then it becomes really important at least it did to me I'm very grateful to Tim for asking me to come and do this and I want to say Happy New Year to all of you because I'm going back well I won't be going back until March so I'll be seeing you around a little bit And besides, it's snowing back there. God bless you. The Pacific Group is an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and all members of the community are welcome to attend. The single most important aspect of AA recovery, however, is the principle of one alcoholic relating to another alcoholic. Therefore, only alcoholics actually participate in our meetings. If your primary problem is other than alcoholism, we think it would also be helpful to you to contact an anonymous organization which more specifically deals with your addiction. In any case, we hope that what you learn here may be helpful for your recovery and or understanding. Good evening, my name is Andrea and I'm an alcoholic. Hi Andrea! Welcome to the Pacific Group of Alcoholics Anonymous. The format of this meeting is two 10-minute speakers, a coffee break, and a main speaker. Our first 10- minute speaker is Annie C. Hi, my name is Annie, and I'm an alcoholic. and I want to thank him for asking me to do this. I don't feel good, but I'll feel better in a few minutes when I'm done. And I was sitting there trying to remember who spoke last week for 10 minutes or the week before. So if you're new, I want to welcome you to Alcoholics Anonymous. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I needed a drink when I was five years old, but I didn't get one then. You know, I got one much later on. And as soon as I started drinking and as soon as I decided using drugs, I started feeling better because I just don't feel good without anything inside me. And up until, you know, I've always been afraid of everybody and everything, You know, teachers, my parents, cops, bank tellers, grocery clerks, and gas station attendants. And when, you know, I've always been full of fear. But when I started drinking and using drugs, the fear didn't go away. but I could deal with it a lot better and one thing I'm not afraid of is taking any combination of anything and putting it inside of me and I've taken stuff and thought, you know, I wonder if this is going to kill me because if it doesn't this is a really good high I'll give up anything just for the right to drink and use somehow got out of high school and somehow went to college in college was when I started drinking in the morning one morning I had this thought I was drinking it was Kahlua and coffee and I had this thought that only alcoholics drink in the morning. And then I thought, but this is a coffee drink, you know, it doesn't count. And later on, a couple of years later, I was drinking, you now, a big tall glass of wine, you know like, I don't know, 8 ounces or 12 ounces, whatever a big cup is. And I was, you kno, just downing the whole thing. And I had another flash in my head that, you kow, only alcoholics drink like this this is not normal drinking and i quickly finished the glass of wine and uh you know finish the rest of the bottle so i wouldn't think about that you know and i am my my standards i have low standards when i'm out there and um you know i uh i was living in an apartment where um he had stopped paying rent on it and you know the utilities were turned off and um there was no phone and um actually it didn't seem that bad to me you know and the place was a mess and i had like torn it apart and i was also going out at night and collecting um cardboard and other treasures And this guy said, do you want to go to an AA meeting? And I thought, why? What's that about? And anyways, the amazing thing is he took me to this meeting and I didn't feel like I'm home. But I knew I was welcome. I was real clear on that. Everyone seemed really, really glad to see me and I was just amazed. And a lot of women gave me their phone numbers and they said, call me. And I didn't tell them I didn' t have the phone. And I wouldn' t call them anyways. And for some reason, I kept coming back night after night after tonight. And I did' n get sober that first meeting. And my sobriety date is two and a half years after my first meeting but I noticed real soon when I started coming to Alcoholics Anonymous my life started changing you know, I hadn't worked well, I never really worked before I came here and you showed me how and my sponsor told me I couldn't take any money from men and she told me I had to get a job and I told her I couldn't really work and she said you can start looking for a job you can star putting applications out so I started doing that and she says I want you to get a commitment at every single meeting and I want to come to 7 meetings a week and I said aren't you afraid I'm going to get burned out and I was serious and she just laughed at me you know? But I had nothing else going for me, and so I started doing what she suggested. And, you know, my first year here in Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, My Life Has Been Good Since Them, you know, but my first it was wonderful because I have never ever in my whole life felt like human being I've never felt like I had a right to be to be anywhere I'd never that's funny uh I had never I had always been waiting for them like to show me the exit you know say you know we don't need your kind here and um and clearly these people were like me you know I I started you know showing up for my commitments and um you know doing the chairs or the tables of the ashtrays whatever and eventually eventually and you know sooner than i ever thought i was making friends and i had never had i've never had friends um i had acquaintances and what was important to me were connections but not friends and uh and i started to make friends here and i was i was amazed and i've had um i've have friends the same friends for like over 10 15 years um I had to raise my hand again as a newcomer 12 and a half years ago, and I did not want to do that. But I also did not want to drink. And I was afraid, you know, I picked up, I heard over and over and over again that this is a progressive disease and I didn't want to find out how far my alcoholism had progressed in that time. And I started over And, you know, it was not the end of the world. You know, again, it wasn't the beginning for me. And I feel so fortunate to have gotten here, you know, because I certainly wasn't planning on getting sober. And I've always, you Know, every single day I wake up and I'm grateful that I'm sober. And I just love sleeping all night and waking up and knowing where I was the night before and knowing what I'm going to do today. And I have, you know, because I'm involved in Alcoholics Anonymous, I got a quality of life I couldn't buy. You know, again, if you're new, I hope that you keep coming back to meetings and get a sponsor and don't drink between meetings. Thank you. Our second 10-minute speaker is Tom B. Hi, I'm Tom Bouchard, and I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank Tim for asking me to do this tonight I was just sitting there and listening to Annie I'll tell you I was just thinking, you know I went about my day today and I was out there in the world with all those people and I felt okay I wasn't full of fear And boy, I tell you, when I came to you people, everything and everybody scared the hell out of me. I'm glad I know what's wrong with me today. I'm Glad I Know That I Suffer From a Disease Called Alcoholism. And I say that because the first 17 years of my life, I needed a drink, but I never had one. and I can remember in listening to Annie and all the people that share from the podiums of Alcoholics Anonymous the same feelings long before I ever took a drink I didn't feel a part of I felt empty on the inside like I didn' t fit in and I look in this room tonight if you're new here tonight this is where you can fit if you be an alcoholic and I didn't know that until I came to you people first 17 years like I said I didn' t feel like I fit in I felt empty, alone and at any given time the people I hung with were going to tell me Tom it's been nice but hit the road you don't fit here the drink for me happened when I was a freshman in college and I'll tell you what it just, it filled every hole that I had. It made things okay. I don't know that all my fears went away but I certainly felt like I fit in and I had found a friend that was going to follow me for the next 17 years and it was just, I really look as I look back on it I don'T think I don't think I could have gotten to where I did in my life if it wasn't for alcohol it enabled me to move and function out there in the world basically as I do today but you know eventually it turned on me it I was always on a quest looking for the answer you know what was going to fix me always, always looking for something that was going to make everything okay. And it was, you know, I went off to college and my first year of college, I flunked out of college because I was away from the parents, away from just having a good time. And if you don't go to school and you don' t study, you sort of flunk out. I mean, that seems to be the general rule and that's what happened to me. And I turned around the next year, and my mom got me into another college. And one more time, it was in a small town in northern Maine. And she had told me, don't embarrass me. I grew up in that town. Everybody knows me. And I'm drinking at this time every opportunity I can get my hands on because it makes me fit in and it makes мне feel okay. and I go to that school and you know I guess I have perceptive hearing and what I heard her say to me was don't flunk out so I didn't flulk out but by the end of that year I'd gotten a letter from the dean saying we don't want you back and this is in 66 and along with that was a letter to the draft board so I found myself being drafted into the army at the time and I my general consensus was you were my problem and it was never my fault. I was never going to look at myself and it wasn't for the people in that school and that coach I'd have been fine so I showed them, I went down and joined the navy instead of going off into the Army and got to Great Lakes, and I knew I'd made another drastic error in judgment. And it was to go on like that. I got married because I thought that would make a difference, and we went on an insanity trip for nine years. And at the end of those nine years, I divorced her, quit my job, and drove 3,000 miles to California thinking that would fix it. And I remember sitting in Laguna Beach looking at the sunset and realizing in the pit of my stomach nothing had changed. It was the same way it was when I left Maine. And that scared the hell out of me. A series of events over the next couple weeks brought me to Sunday Night Ohio Street and you people and the Pacific Group. And you've taught me here over the years everything I know in my life. You know, I've learned how to live in these rooms. If you're new here tonight, get yourself a sponsor. Get somebody that can guide you. My best thinking got me to Laguna Beach looking at the sunset wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I don't do well on my own. I got a sponsor and basically I took off my backpack and stayed with you people and was willing for the first time in my life to listen to somebody else and take some advice. and my life started to change here, and it's progressively gotten better. I always wanted to be what alcohol and drugs did for me, which was put me up here, and that's where I wanted to beat all the time, and that is just not life. Over the years, I have had life come down the road, and I have gotten my share, and you folks have taken me through all that and showed me how to get through it and that there's life with unresolved problems and that it can be a very comfortable life with unressolved problems. Everything I am and everything I know today is a result of staying in these rooms and listening to you folks. You have, like I say, you've taught me howto live. That lady that was my problem for nine years after I was a year sober here following direction we got back together and we've been together now for almost 17 years and it turned out that she wasn't my problem that that I've always been my problem and I'm going to be my problem till the day I die so I need to address it I can't go anywhere with it without taking me with me so if you're new stay here this is the greatest place in the world I've found to be able to function out there in the world, and these people will show you how to do it. So just grab on and come with us. It's a great way of life. Thanks. We celebrate AA birthdays at this meeting. For every 365 days of continuous sobriety, we give a cake with the appropriate number of candles on it. We define sobriete as freedom from alcohol, pills, pot, or anything which affects you from the neck up. If you are a regular attender of this meeting and would like to take a cake with us, please see me at the door before the meeting. We have a lot of birthdays tonight, so let's sing briskly and speak briefly. Birthday people, don't forget to pick up your candles from the cake table as you exit the podium. We do have quite a few birthdays tonight so we'll need to get after it right from the start. Our first birthday tonight is for one year for sean m hi i'm sean i'm an alcoholic i'd like to thank god my sponsor michael w clancy for everything and each and every one of you thank you happy birthday sean our next birthday is also for one year for felix n hi my name's felix i'm a alcoholic i'd to thank tim for letting me take the cake um randy for sponsorship and guidance this year um the Pacific Group as a whole, and the Friday Night Men's Tag. Happy birthday, Felix. Our next birthday is for three years for Bill N. I'm Bill. I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank Tim for letting me take a cake. My sponsor, John Gowen, for giving me a year of sponsorship. My first sponsor, Don Dorsey, for inviting me to this party. I wantto thank my AA brothers, Clancy and Charlotte, for the yard. Clancy for the party that we do have here and all of you thank you happy birthday bill our next birthdays for four years for Judy M hi Judy Matheny alcoholic I want to thank God Karen Clancy the women I sponsor Joanne Lisa stepsisters all of you thanks happy birthday Judy our next birthday is also for four years for Dino H Dino alcoholic thank you Tim for allowing me to take a cake I'd like to thank God my sponsor Jim T Clancy and Charlotte for the odd Clancy for everything he does the Friday Night Mint Stag and all of you happy birthday Dino our next birthday is for five years for John C thank you Tim my name is John Case and I'm an alcoholic I'd like to thank God Robert C Cecil J Clancy my wife Ashley my new baby daughter Sabrina and all of you thanks happy birthday John our next birthdays for six years for Elvin see my name is Elvin I'm an alcoholic I like to thank Tim for let me take this cake and I like think Byron Clancy class of 93 Happy birthday, Elvin. Our next birthday is also for six years for Juan H. Hi, my name is Juan and I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to thank Jan for that cake and another year's sponsorship. I'd also like to say thank you to my wife, I'd love to thank Clancy for everything, Clancy and Charlotte for the yard, and all of you. Thank you very much. happy birthday juan our next birthday is also for six years for sheree w hi i'm shabby wheeler alcoholic i'd like to thank him for allowing me to take a cake i'd to thank my sponsor evelyn for her courage and her unconditional love that she teaches me every day i love you evelyn and i'd thank clancy and charlotte for their open minds and their open hearts and i'd like to thank my friend bill f for being a friend that always had hoped for and debbie thank you for being in my life and my fiance john who is a gentle man and i love you thank you all happy birthday shireen we have another six year birthday for tom s my name is Tom I'm an alcoholic I'd like to thank Clint for six great years of sponsorship and I'd like to think my previous sponsor Brian a I'd liked to thank Clancy for all he does the guys I sponsor in my lovely gracious wife Jennifer thanks happy birthday Tom our next birthdays for seven years for rob t happy hi i'm rob trussell i'm an alcoholic i'd like to thank tim for six and a half years of sponsorship bob f from my foundation clancy for the structure of the group my brothers my daughter for coming here tonight and all of you happy birthday rob our next birthday is also for seven years for Bob T. Good evening, Bob. Totally alcoholic. Grateful to be sober today. For that I thank the Pacific Group, Alcoholics Anonymous, Kim Weissman for bringing me to the group, my sponsor Tom B., all the friends I've made here. I just thank you all. Happy birthday, Bob! Our next birthday is for eight years for Carmen C. i'm carmen alcoholic and i'd like to thank god maryland clancy class of yo and i know and all of you happy birthday carmen our next birthday is also for eight years for jennifer s hi i'm jennif i'm an alcoholic hi i'd love to thank you to thank clancy i'd like to thank karen i'd like to think hannah and rachel and my eight sisters and all of you thank you happy birthday jennifer our next birthday is uh our next birthday is also for eight years for kelly j hi my name is kelly jackson i'm an alcoholic i'd like to thank god for showing me how to get to aaa and aa for showing me how-to-get-to god and i'd-like-to thank clancy for the structure of the group and i'dlike to thank my sponsor uh renny and i would like to thanks my aaa sisters and that's it happy birthday kelly our next birthday is for nine years for lisa a lisa i'm an alcoholic and i'd like to thank claire for a great year of sponsorship nancy for the previous sponsorship um clancy and my friends in the pacific group thanks happy birthday lisa our next birthday is also for nine years for susan l hi i'm susan i'm an alcoholic i'd like to thank tim for allowing me to take a cake i would like to think my beautiful sponsor linda for giving me my cake and being my guiding light i'd to thank clancy for the structure of the group my sober sisters in the class of Yonaino. Happy birthday, Susan. We have another nine-year birthday for Maura S. Hi, I'm Maura. I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to thank God, my sponsor Rita, AA, Clancy, my AA sisters, and my father for saving my life. happy birthday mara next birthday is also for nine years for ben p my name is ben ponzi i'm an alcoholic i want to thank god the program of alcoholics anonymous my sponsor ray tim for allowing me to take a cake clancy for the structure of the group and all of you. Happy birthday, Ben. Our next birthday is also for nine years for Kathy B. Thank you, Tim. Number nine, number nine. I'm Kathy and I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank Sharon for her love and guidance through a rather challenging year. I wanna thank my soulful AA sisters. All of you who, through your example, show me that no matter what, I've got a higher power and I can stay sober. Thanks. Happy birthday, Kathy. Our next birthday is another nine-year birthday for Cheryl F. I'm Cheryl, I'm an alcoholic I'd like to thank Marilyn for that cake and for the past eight years of loving sponsorship my first two sponsors Pashupi and Nancy D friends, my good friends here, my loving husband for our good life and for our beautiful little boys but this is a big group of all of you happy birthday Cheryl our next birthday is for 10 years for Amy M hi I'm Amy McKinnon and I'm an alcoholic I'd like to thank my sponsor Pat for that cake and her husband Vince my previous sponsors Karen G and Patty G Clancy and my awesome husband Ian happy birthday Amy our next birthdays another 10 year birthday for Darren D I'm Darren I'm an alcoholic like to thank Jim for that cake I'd like to think Clancy like to thing my brothers and the PG runners the class of 88 in all of you happy birthday Darren all right we're heading down the backstretch let's re-energize here our next birthday is also for 10 years for Eric G hi I'm Eric, I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to thank God. I would like to thank Tim for allowing me to take a cake. I like to thank my sponsor Tom B and for all he is and all he does. Like to thank my previous sponsors Clancy for the structure of the group and my AA brothers and Chris Todd and Sean. Thank you. Happy birthday Eric! Our next birthday is for 11 years for Shannon S. hi my name is shannon and i am an alcoholic i'd like to thank god rita ray clancy class of 88 happy birthday shannon our next birthday is for 14 years for theresa m my name's teresa munoz and i'm an alcoholic first of all i want to thank my god for this sober life i want thanks sharon for giving me that cake and for sponsoring me for five and a half weeks and I want to thank her for a care and attention I wanted I'm grateful for Pat Hodges who sponsored me for eight and a half years who's not with us anymore and I will miss her a lot I want to thank Sheila for the first four and a half years of sponsorship I want to thank Clancy for the structure of the group my new AA sisters my former I want to thank all of you sisters in class of 85 and all of you. Happy birthday, Teresa. Our next birthday is also for 14 years for Lisa S. I'm Lisa. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Lisa. Thank God. Thank Marilyn for eight years, especially this past one. Class of 85. Program of Al-Anon, particularly Van Oyshaw and Maria S., And who else? Clancy and all of you. Thank you. Happy birthday, Lisa. Our next birthday is also for 14 years for Nancy S. Good evening. My name is Nancy Smith and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Nancy. Thank you, Barney, for a great talk. Thank you to Nancy for the cake. Thank you Clancy for the structure of the group. Thank the class of 84, the Pacific Group, the Central Pacific Group in Minneapolis and all of you. Thank you. Happy birthday, Nancy. Our next birthday is for 17 years for Jim Jay. My name is Jim Jackson. I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank my sponsor, Clancy, my sponsor of 17 years for being an excellent sponsor for me and the best, really, example of service that I know in Alcoholics Anonymous or otherwise. I want to thank my wife, Lindsay, for the wonderful home we have, AA Home. And I want thank all of the knuckleheads that I sponsor for giving me something to laugh about and the class of 81. Thank you. happy birthday jim our next birthday is for 18 years for john d my name is john david i'm an alcoholic and i want to thank clancy for the cake and for sponsoring me and for everything he's done for me throughout the years um i'd be remiss if i didn't thank charlotte for all the love and support she's given me i would like to thank the woman i coach i would like to thank the class of 81 my friends in the group and uh my higher power who got me here and keeps me here one day at a time thank you all right heading down the home stretch here happy birthday john our next birthday is for 21 years for joni w you. Joni alcoholic. I want to thank God for getting me sober. I wanna thank God for getting here. I don't want to think God for the life I have today. I thank my sponsor Millie. I've known Millie since I was three months sober and we know Millie and she's a joy in my life. I can never thank her enough for the love and the consistency and the generosity that she adds to my life there's lots of people in this room I'd like to thank but there's a new lady her first meeting is tonight and I met her tonight and she sits a couple rooms behind me and I want to thank her for being here because it's people like her that come after me to keep these room filled as people like you that came before me they kept them filled till I could get here I welcome her. Thanks for letting me share. Happy birthday, Joanie. Our next birthday is for 25 years for Joe E. Hi, I'm Joe Essip and I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank Tim for letting me take a cake tonight. I wanna thank a God that Alcoholics Anonymous helped me to find and who's in my life on a daily basis. I Wanna thank Clint H., my first sponsor, who laid a great foundation in the first five years of my sobriety. I want to thank Clancy. I got to thank him for a lot of things, but I want thank him me and my sponsor for seven years, but also for being the best man at my wedding. I wanna thank my sponsor, Claude. He has put aside our friendship and has told me the things sometimes that I didn't want to hear, and he has told the things that he knows are necessary for my sobrietty. I I want to thank a guy by the name of Hank J, who was very important to me in my early sobriety as far as my financial matters went. I want thank my wife, Pat, who is the light of my life. She shows me courage and she shows me unconditional love. And if I could wish anything besides sobriete on everybody in this room, I would wish that they would have a partner like that. I want think the class of 73, who has been extremely important to be and those friends that I've made in that class. And I finally want to thank the class of AA, which is the Pacific group. Thank you. Happy birthday, Joe. Our next birthday's for 27 years for Beverly A. Hi, I'm Beverly Alcoyne, an alcoholic. Hi, Beverly. This is pretty wonderful. I love this group very much. I've been here for my whole sobriety. And Barney, that was so wonderful tonight. Thank you. I talked to Carol this morning and either you didn't tell her or she didn't tell me, so it was a big surprise. I love you both. Carol and Barney are wonderful friends. And I love them a lot. I want to thank my first sponsor, Jerry Cook, who is my drinking buddy and who brought me to AA, actually. And Evelyn, who's been my sponsor for about 23 years. It's what Joe said previously. Evelyn tells me the truth, and she's a very, very courageous woman, and I love her very much. I'm so glad she's here tonight. I love you, Clancy. Thank you very much for all the years and also telling me the true. and I want to thank my friend Marilyn Slater who's been my friend for 27 years and just a little footnote the class of 72 will have a dinner this year happy birthday Beverly I know it's hard to believe but that's all the birthdays We'll probably have a couple more next week, don't be disappointed. We did have one out of town birthday for 17 years for Carolyn G from Washington D.C. Happy birthday, Carolyn. And that is a total of 34 birthdays for 342 years of sobriety, which is about ten-year average it's pretty impressive average for that many birthdays we have a custom at the Pacific group of donating one dollar for each candle on our birthday cakes at the end of the year this candle money is our contribution to our general service office in New York last year we donated over nine thousand dollars if you wish to participate in this custom please see my assistants at the door when you sign up to take your cake we don't save seats to this meeting, please.