The Seventh Step Prayer for the Man Who Couldn’t Believe – Tommy T.

About This Speaker Tape

1995, Staten Island. Tommy T. arrived kicking and screaming, mandated by the courts and buried under $138,000 in debt to loan sharks, bookies, and mobsters. He was a man who jumped over hedges when a car backfired, convinced a hitman was closing in. A third DWI with a loaded handgun and narcotics in the backseat had finally brought him to the basement, though he spent his first 18 months simply "not drinking" while living on his mother's couch.

He describes a childhood of volatility, wondering if a slamming car door meant a beating or lobster tails. His Higher Power began as his grandmother; the smell of mothballs in her house meant safety. He recounts the wreckage of his youth—stealing from that grandmother, abandoning an eight-month pregnant wife, and a life of "sexual depravity" in a punk band. Guided by Lucky George, a bald-headed bookie from Brooklyn, Tommy moved through the steps mechanically, eventually facing the terror of Step Nine. He transformed his relationship with his...

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Timestamps

• 0:45 Tommy T. introduces himself and describes the 'warm handshake and bad coffee' of his Staten Island home group.
• 4:12 Details of his rock bottom: $138,000 in debt to loan sharks and a felony arrest for weapon and narcotic possession.
• 8:30 Reflections on childhood trauma, an alcoholic father, and the safety found in the smell of mothballs at his grandmother's house.
• 12:15 Laughter: Tommy T. jokes about the 'fertile' women he dated and his history as a deadbeat father.
• 17:40 The introduction of Lucky G. and the commitment to a rigorous, book-based sponsorship.
• 22:10 Discussion of Step 4 and the 'thousand monkeys' in his head that finally went silent after sharing his inventory.
• 26:45 The process of Step 8 and 9: the fear of making amends to the mob versus the shame of failing the women in his life.
• 31:20 Emotional account of making amends to his mother, Millie, and the subsequent years of caregiving.
• 35:50 The experience of making a spiritual amends to his grandmother at her gravesite.
• 41:10 The employment hearing: Tommy T. presents his sobriety coin and integrity to the board.
• 48:30 Reflections on his marriage to Cheryl and learning how to love a woman for the first time at 47.
• 54:10 Closing: Tommy T. aligns the 'bedevilments' of page 52 with the 9-Step Promises.