The Serenity Prayer and the Wisdom to Know the Difference – Sandy B.

About This Speaker Tape

A leather book, three inches thick, holds the final page for every human: a notice that the visit is over. Sandy B. begins with the wreckage of death—the loss of sponsors and friends—and the paradox that birth is the leading cause of death. He recalls a childhood in Connecticut where he manufactured a terrifying "church world," viewing nuns as Nazis and imagining a crucifix that threatened him. This internal narrative of isolation followed him to Yale and into the cockpit of an F-3D jet.

As a pilot, Sandy flew with one hand on the ejection seat, sweating through withdrawal symptoms and faking oxygen emergencies to escape the sky. He describes the alcoholic's bargain: paying any price, even a splitting head, for the feeling of finally belonging. He views the ego as a spider weaving a web of lies until the drinker is trapped in a cosmic loneliness. For Sandy, recovery is the slow chipping away of that shell to let in the light of a Higher Power.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sandy B. opens by remembering friends Hal M. and Ed C.
• 2:30 Discussion on death as the ego's weapon and the 'Book of Life' metaphor.
• 6:15 Childhood memories of the Catholic church and the fear of the crucifix.
• 11:00 The first drink at Yale and the sudden shift in social perception.
• 16:45 Life as a Navy pilot and the culture of drinking within the squadron.
• 21:30 The oxygen emergency and the end of his flying career.
• 27:00 Meeting a former wingman and the shattering of his 'failure' narrative.
• 31:15 The 'egg' analogy and the process of spiritual awakening.
• 35:00 Discussion on the 12 and 12, the Big Book, and the 'biblification' of the program.
• 40:00 The riddle of existence and the struggle with character defects like lust.
• 44:30 Analysis of acceptance and the Serenity Prayer.
• 48:00 The 'Tony S.' analogy for Step 1 and the closing 'ego prayer'. Laughter: [The room reacts to the ego prayer].