The Restlessness of an Emotional Misfit in Recovery – Johnny H.

About This Speaker Tape

East Coast Convention -

Barking at the moon in a solitary confinement cell Johnny H. spent decades as a 'taker' and a 'user,' drifting through reform schools nut houses and penitentiaries. He describes a childhood defined by the sounds of 'flesh hitting flesh' and a family that made drank and sold whiskey. For Johnny alcohol wasn't the problem—it was the answer to a screaming madness that existed long before his first drink. After a near-death experience in the LA County Jail and a devastating realization of his own nature as a 'blood-sucking parasite,' he found a lifeline in a meeting in 1959. He credits his survival to the hard-nosed guidance of sponsors like Norm A. who taught him respect through 'cruel' discipline and the humility of riding a little girl's bicycle through his old dope-dealing territory. He views sobriety not as a right but as a daily privilege maintained through service and the Big Book.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Johnny H. opens by discussing the difference between physical sobriety and the spiritual need for the program.
• 5:15 Laughter: Johnny describes his family's Saturday tradition of drinking whiskey and beating each other up.
• 12:40 Johnny recounts the 'screaming madness' and the arrogance alcohol provided him as a child.
• 18:20 The 'land of the living dead': Johnny describes his time in various reform schools and psychiatric wards.
• 24:10 The rock bottom: A judge calls him a 'blood-sucking parasite' and he ends up in solitary confinement barking at the moon.
• 28:30 First meeting: Johnny describes arriving in his 'throne of contempt' with shades on, thinking he was in an anti-aircraft brigade.
• 35:10 Step 5: Johnny describes the three-and-a-half hour confession in a penitentiary that gave him freedom.
• 42:15 The role of Norm A.: Johnny discusses the 'cruel' but necessary discipline of his sponsor.
• 50:40 Laughter: The story of the little girl's bicycle and the 'cultural shock' of the supermarket.
• 58:10 The lesson of the ocean: A story about Chuck C. and the perspective gained by climbing higher.
• 64:20 Final reflections on gratitude as an action, illustrated by his final visit with Myrtle S.