The Responsibility of Being Happy – Sandy B.

About This Speaker Tape

1964, Pearl Harbor Day. Sandy B. walks into his first meeting and discovers that not drinking is merely breathing; it keeps you alive, but it isn't living.

A former Marine Corps pilot and Yale graduate, Sandy spent years as a "nobody," using booze to transform a room of strangers into a welcoming party. He recalls the grit of his decline: the heart palpitations at the speed of sound in an F-8 Crusader, the "alcoholic problem solving" of getting a crew cut so no one could yank his hair in a bar fight, and the desperation of using a fork to undo caked shoelaces while shaking in a panic over a closed liquor store. After a grand mal seizure and a stint in a nut ward, he was intercepted by a sponsor who treated him like a recruit.

He tried to manipulate his way out with a fake schedule of family birthdays, only to be shut down by a blunt command: don't take a drink. Sandy now views his illness as the only thing that forced him to grow up.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Sandy B. discusses the difference between merely not drinking and actually living in recovery.
• 4:15 Story about the 'plant' in Marine boot camp and the illusion of safety.
• 10:30 The first drink at university and the 'monumental event' of suddenly feeling like he belonged.
• 15:45 The 'alcoholic solution' to bar fights and the logic of the crew cut.
• 18:20 The panic of the closed package store in Japan and the struggle with the shoelaces.
• 22:10 The danger of flying with withdrawals and the 'ejection curtain' strategy.
• 26:40 The grand mal seizure and the transition to the 'nut ward' at Bethesda.
• 29:15 The 12-step call from Bill and the forced march to a meeting in Manassas.
• 33:40 Laughter: The failed attempt to use family birthdays as an excuse to avoid the program.
• 37:10 Discussion on the 'third dimension of existence' and the shift from self-centeredness to caring for the newcomer.