The Resentment That Outlived the Marine Corps Career – Sandy B.

About This Speaker Tape

Thursday Night - 2001

Sandy B. traces the wreckage of a Marine Corps fighter pilot whose identity was stripped away by a diagnosis of 'childhood fear of flying' and a stint in a naval nut ward. After a grand mal seizure and a descent into the DTs—where he believed the CIA was moving the walls of his room—he was locked in a straitjacket for six months. He maps out the delusion of the 'one beer' rule believing he had finally beaten the disease only to find himself sneaking vodka into the psychiatric ward. He dismantles the idea that sobriety is a solution in itself arguing that simply not drinking is a grueling endurance test. Instead he makes the case for a spiritual transformation that strips away the 'block of marble'—the character defects and old ideas—to reveal the inherent beauty of the person underneath moving from a life of demanding to a life of giving.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:58 Sandy B. discusses the crucial importance of sponsorship and the 'rubber meeting the road' in one-on-one work.
• 2:15 Description of the physical wreckage and the misdiagnosis of his drinking as a 'childhood fear of flying'.
• 4:30 The DTs in the hospital: believing the CIA was moving the walls and being placed in a straitjacket.
• 6:10 First encounter with AA in the nut ward; the 'blue bathrobes' and the blunt truth from a fellow alcoholic.
• 8:45 The 'one beer' experiment and the subsequent obsession with the feeling of being 'free' from alcohol.
• 11:20 Meeting his sponsor, Bill, on Pearl Harbor Day, 1964; a '12-step call' where the sponsor takes over.
• 14:40 Laughter: The failed attempt to lie to his sponsor to get out of meetings using a 'nine-day cushion' of birthdays and anniversaries.
• 17:50 The 'phantom speaker' story: A speaker announces his resignation from AA to drink safely.
• 21:10 The resentment toward his Higher Power after being passed over for promotion to Major and losing his career.
• 24:30 The frustration with 'useless suggestions' like the serenity prayer when facing bankruptcy or divorce.
• 27:10 The metaphor of the sculptress and the block of marble: stripping away character defects to find the real self.
• 29:40 The 'Yay!' moment: The spiritual joy of seeing a newcomer return to a meeting sober.