The Resentment Collector Who Turned Off the Car Radio to Rehearse Arguments – Jennifer K.

About This Speaker Tape

26th Annual Serenity Improvement Group - 2020

A felony DWI in 1992 serves as the catalyst for Jennifer K.'s entry into recovery but her early attempts at the steps were a shallow exercise in checkboxes and burning papers. She describes a period of 'first year crazies' and a traumatic encounter with another member that left her carrying a secret of shame. The turning point arrives when she finds a sponsor who knows the Big Book 'inside outside upside down,' forcing her to move past the 'grudge list' and confront the reality of her own rigidity and obsession. Jennifer maps the shift from playing the victim in her professional and romantic life—including a 'Do You Love Me Now?' test that pushed every man to their breaking point—to a place of genuine vulnerability. She concludes with the realization that she is neither as wonderful nor as terrible as she once believed finding a buoyancy in life that mirrors her discovery that she can literally float in a pool.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Brenda introduces Jennifer K. and reads the AA preamble and 12 Steps.
• 5:15 Jennifer K. recounts her 1992 felony DWI and the moment of clarity in a jail cell.
• 12:40 Discussion of the 'kryptonite' diagram on page 65 and her first failed attempt at Step 4.
• 17:20 Jennifer shares a raw account of being forced into a sexual encounter by another member and the resulting shame.
• 24:10 Finding a sponsor who knows the Big Book 'inside, outside, upside down' and the importance of a real sponsor.
• 32:15 The 'resentment collector' and the process of writing the grudge list.
• 41:50 Laughter: The story of her boss, 'Big Daddy,' and the chaos of the office.
• 50:10 The 'Do You Love Me Now?' test and the fear of abandonment.
• 56:30 Step 5: Sharing secrets knee-to-knee with another woman to find freedom.
• 63:10 The metaphor of buoyancy and floating in the pool as a sign of surrender.