The Rapacious Creditor and the Price of Acceptance – Bob P.

About This Speaker Tape

A Catholic upbringing in the Midwest defined by a crushing fear of hell and a cycle of confession four times a day set the stage for Bob P.'s collapse. He describes the first drink as a chemical solution to the feeling of not belonging leading to a nomadic wreckage through Omaha Denver and San Bruno. After a suicide attempt involving vodka and Valiums that left him strapped to a hospital bed with tubes in every hole he finally hit a bottom that forced a surrender.

Bob details a second deeper recovery process 14 years into sobriety where he had to dismantle the 'wreckage of sobriety'—the resentment and ego that persisted despite the absence of alcohol. He maps the shift from merely not drinking to practicing a spiritual life moving from a 'rapacious creditor' to a man who can look at a stained-glass window and feel the light.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Bob discusses his childhood scrupulosity and the fear of going to hell.
• 6:10 The first drink: Bob describes the feeling of finally belonging.
• 12:30 The 'boomerang' phase: Bob's cycle of moving between the Midwest and California.
• 17:15 Uncle Jack's 20-question test and the moment Bob realized he was an alcoholic.
• 22:40 The 'yes or no' question: Bob's honest admission that he didn't actually want to quit drinking.
• 26:10 The suicide attempt and being strapped to a hospital bed.
• 31:20 Arriving at the Fremont Fellowship in torn pants and cardboard shoes.
• 35:45 Sponsorship and the realization that he is 'constitutionally incapable of being honest' with himself.
• 41:10 Making amends to a former college teacher at a retreat.
• 46:30 The 14-year sobriety crisis and the decision to call Wally.
• 52:15 Working the 12 Steps with John: Discussion on the principle of Acceptance.
• 58:40 The 'wheelbarrow' story illustrating Step 3 surrender.