The Quality of Questions That Keep You Up at Night 😆 – Steve L.

About This Speaker Tape

Cobb County Jail, 1980. Steve L. wakes up in the drunk tank, marinated in his own urine and vomit. He had just totaled four cars in a head-on collision on I-285. For Steve, drinking was "time travel"—a blackout streak that left him playing forensic detective with his own life, trying to piece together the wreckage without asking too many direct questions. He spent years chasing the "magical" release of alcohol, obsessed with the idea that he could control the chaos and avoid the handcuffs.

He eventually traded the bars for a residential program after his sixth DUI. Even then, he resisted the label of alcoholic, terrified that sobriety meant a "small life" of self-sacrifice and boredom. He describes the hyper-self-consciousness that kept him from joining fellows for lunch, fearing the awkwardness of a crowded table. Through the 12 steps and a Higher Power, Steve moved from merely enduring the day to embracing it, finding the "music" of recovery in the shared experience of others.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Steve L. opens by discussing the fluidity of how he perceives the facts of his story over time.
• 4:15 The 'time travel' of blackout drinking and the 'forensic detective' work of the morning after.
• 11:20 The 1980 head-on collision and waking up in the Cobb County drunk tank.
• 16:40 Discussion of the 'physical allergy' and the internal feeling of being 'abnormal' or not fitting in.
• 19:10 The story of meeting Connie C. and their impulsive wedding in Mexico.
• 24:30 The 'language of the heart' and the experience of the music versus the words of a talk.
• 28:15 Laughter: The image of 'not drinking' as a hobby or activity in AA.
• 32:40 The 'hypocrite' interaction and the realization that there is room for another hypocrite in the rooms.
• 36:10 The metaphor of the blind men and the elephant regarding a Higher Power.
• 41:00 Reflections on end-of-life conversations with friends and the shift from enduring the day to embracing it.
• 43:30 The poem by Moe H. regarding finding the Higher Power through the fellow man.