The Promises of Page 83 and the End of Self-Pity – Jim S.

About This Speaker Tape

Los Angeles, 1:00 AM. A seventh-floor ledge and the sudden, cold realization that being a "rotten, worthless individual" is a heavy burden to carry. Jim S. spent decades as a "big shot" with a mouth too large for his own good, drifting from Oklahoma to California while leaving a trail of wreckage—broken marriages, a daughter lost to terminal illness, and a twisted leg left in a hospital ward. He describes the "hallmark of the alcoholic" as a specific kind of loneliness that no amount of honky-tonk confidence could mask.

After 68 days in the "Sheriff Peter J. Pitch's hotel" and a suicidal bender that refused to numb the guilt, Jim found a Higher Power through the grit of a sponsor who demanded he shut up and take direction. He traded his arrogance for the discipline of the rooms, discovering that the promises on page 83 weren't magic, but the result of stopping the self-seeking and picking up ashtrays.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Jim S. opens with a joke about his 'gaudy' introduction and his 17 years of sobriety.
• 5:15 Jim S. describes growing up in the Bible Belt and the contrast between his choir loft singing and his Saturday night hell-raising.
• 10:20 A dark turning point: Jim S. recounts a blackout and the resulting injury to his wife's knee.
• 16:40 The loss of his daughter and the subsequent spiritual crisis of shouting at a Higher Power.
• 22:10 Jim S. describes the 'look of half contempt and half pity' from his brother after losing everything.
• 27:50 The low point: a suicide attempt on a seventh-floor ledge and the decision to call AA.
• 34:10 Laughter: Jim S. describes his first meeting, the raucous atmosphere, and the 'Think, think, think' signs.
• 41:20 Sponsorship: Jim S.'s arrogant attempt to 'order' Clancy to be his sponsor and the subsequent humbling.
• 48:15 The Promises: Jim S. discusses the impact of page 83 of the Big Book on his life.
• 55:30 Jim S. shares a story about Bob W. and the 'power of the contact' between alcoholics.
• 62:10 Jim S. describes his whirlwind courtship and marriage to Vannoy.
• 68:40 The reconciliation and sobriety of Jim S.'s 79-year-old father.