The Progressive Disease That Leaves You Upside Down and Thinking You’re Straight Side Up – Mike D.

I thank God for another 12-7 meeting for his love and his joy, but for only the grace of God I'm sober today. You know Mike, me and Mike are way back in LA. I met Mike in LA back a few summers ago. I know my first meeting I went to, that's where I met him at. And ever since I've been knowing Mike and been connected with Mike, Mike has always been a person that really wanted to help somebody get on this path to a power of God. And that's our purpose is to get on a path to empower God when the thought comes that God can step in and say that look at your experience. And this is what this guy has given me. You know, I left L.A. to move down here in 2009, and Mike was in Vegas at the time. And my wife went back to L.E. to a convention, and she called me. She said, Mike D is in Austin. I said, what? I thought he was in Las Vegas. So he was In Austin, and we ended up reconnecting at the One Arm Club. and we spearheaded a meeting on Sunday at 12 noon called True Black in the Way and ever since then I've been going to that meeting and carry that meeting on but Mike is a guy man that will reach out and help somebody man, that's what I like about him you know me and Mike we hung out today all day today, we went to go see 42 the Jackie Robinson the story. We've seen a lot of four-step work in this movie. It was real amazing. He asked me, was I coming tonight? I really didn't know I was coming. Me and a couple more guys, we rolled out here and I came to the door and Mike said, would you introduce me? I said, it's an honor and a privilege to introduce a man about getting to a power and helping somebody. Further ado, Mike D. I am an addict, and my name is Mike D. Hi. And I'd like to first thank my God, a true and living God, for the opportunity of life today. Today, I'd like to thank Marsha, my friend in Benchmark Recovery, and all the many friends I have in Austin, Texas for opening your arms to me. It's a privilege and an honor to be here. For some reason, I didn't expect these many people. And don't get it twisted, I've spoke in different places around the world in front of large numbers of people, but it's different being here. I'd like to embrace and acknowledge the spirit of Mark Houston who will forever be alive in these walls. And if you did not know him, you missed meeting a treat. So I'm just glad to be here. I'm glad to back home. This is like a home to me. I'm a guy that grew up in a little country called Harlem, New York. And one of the things they told me in Harlem, New York was do not go to Texas. I grew up in the 60s and I grew around black Muslims and I drew up around black Panthers and I grew up at that time in a very racist segregated mentality and I was never coming to Texas and that just goes to show you how little you know about your destiny and what's in the plan for your life came to Texas and had a completely different experience and I'm so grateful I don't know what I'm going to talk about I never do I pray, anytime I speak I pray and I sit with God and I ask God just to use me that I might be allowed to touch somebody because somebody's in a very desperate place in their life right now you're sitting here with us and on the outside you have a smile and you're dressed very nice and you are very cordial to people and you have nice things to say and we would never know that on the inside you are twisted. You can't tell nobody that because if you do, they might not like you and they might love you and they may not accept you and they might not think you're all that. So you sit in your misery, in your despair, in your desperation to breathe. A couple of things. I never know what I'm going to say but things come to my consciousness. One thing that came very clear today watching that movie 42 was the triumph of spirit against all odds being able to stand and be who you are no matter what they say about you no matter how they treat you no matter whether they like you no matter which country you're from don't mean nothing if you're fat don't, nothing. In the midst of it you stand and be who you are. The triumph of the inner spirit. That's the message I got from that today Bobby. I want to thank you Bobby because you've been a friend man. I don't know who you are, it's only a couple people in here I really know, I don' t know who you all. But if you're anything like me, you ain't have no friends. You didn't have nobody that wanted to introduce your ass. Because you knew if they introduced you they was going to say some stuff about you that you didn't want the world to know man. And it's amazing what's happened to my life man. And something's happened. Something's happened that on a given day, I cannot explain it. How did I get from that concrete and pavement and those tenements of New York City and that ghetto of Harlem, New York to be standing in Austin, Texas, Manor, Texas in front of a bunch of people that know nothing about me. How does that happen? How do you get to a place in your life where nobody wants to see you coming to where everybody loves to see you coming? How do I get there? I'm talking about real dope things You real guys Everybody in here ain't a real one But we got some real ones in here And your life is on the line Your life is On the line You might not make it back here for a second shot I ran into a guy He said oh I'm back again And he said now I'm working here Or something he said and I said, oh you made it back. It ain't guaranteed. We don't think like that though. We don' t live our lives like that. We live aligned with the idea that I am God. I am infallible. I can overcome anything. And it's a lie and it's a delusion. Something has been gracing your life. It might be time to wake up. You might not get another shot. Now, I'm going to need you to travel with me because I'm not only going to talk to dolphins and alcoholics. I'm talking to somebody in here tonight and you think you're straight. You think you alright. You think you got it all together. Ain't nothing wrong with you, something's wrong with them. And as long as something is wrong with them, you are in trouble. So triumph of spirit. Last time I was here, I talked about dark night of the soul and I was moving through a transition in my life that I knew very little about. Today I've moved through dark night of the Soul and I knew exactly what that was about. It was my entranceway into spirit world. It wasn't my entrance way into seeing how God truly would have me be and why I've been kept alive all these years through all the stuff that I've been brought through because I was brought through it. I didn't have nothing to do with it and that the anointing that was put on my life and on my spirit from a very young age that it began to flourish and grow and blossom to have purpose in this world. True purpose, real purpose. Faith in something. But I had to move through all I had moved through the sea that I had the capacity to have faith. because you get to a second step and it's like, oh, I can't believe in God. I'm not willing to have faith in that. But you don't see you've had a faith in a God all your life, some kind of God. Every time you turn to it, you turn into an annoyingness that it would work. If you didn't have faith that it could work, you wouldn't turn to Him. So spirit world living has become very much alive in my life in the last year or so as a result of moving through Dark Night of the Soul. Talked about it a little bit last year. I was wondering, God, where you at, man? I'm 25 years clean. Where you at? Why is my life still the way it is? Why is there still financial insecurity? Why can't I get in a relationship and it be healthy, wholesome, and worthful? Why can't I do all the things that you've asked me to do, like love my neighbor as myself? Judge lest ye be judged. I have a desire to do that, Father, but why can't I do that? And I found out why. I found out there was a God that's lived in me all through my life from a very young age and I cultivated him. And he ain't never dying. His name is Mr. on 12th Street. He's got an agenda and he's got a job. And his agenda and his job is to kill me. And he's not going to let up. In some shape, form or fashion he's going to continue to show up for the rest of my life. The only defense I have is a power greater than myself. And aligning myself with that power and then letting that power fight my battle, not me. But there's a lot of stuff that happens along the way that I must acclimate to and begin to live along those lines. And I read something in the big book and I'm finishing a piece of work with my current sponsor. I talked to Sam a little bit last night, and after Mark died, it was hell and high water finding a sponsor. I'm spoiled. I don't know if you're in my lineage or not, but coming out of my lineage, we were spoiled. The majority of people in the rooms don't do the work and don't deal with it. We don't recover the way we do. I don' t know if Joe is here tonight. Like Joe said something to me when I was living down here. He talked about mad dogs. And he don't know that he planted a seed in me. Somebody in here tonight, you're a mad dog. You're a bad dog just like me. You go to any lengths to manage and control your life. Not just with drugs and alcohol. Anything. anything it takes for you to stay in charge and stay in control, you will do it no holds barred. Mad dogs women mad dogs too mad dogettes or doggies anything there's a club for us man there's the club in the club we don't form relationships without expecting something in return we don' t give unless we gon' get something the mad dog club it's all about me you have no say so in it, so here we go you either jump on board or I don't want nothing to do with you that's the club I'm in and I kind of think I came to talk to that person tonight this mad dog person that you've been hanging out with us for a while God has graced your life with some stuff one more time you've gotten to a place where you've been able to stop and stay stopped and you're still fiddle faddling with your life because you are on tinkerer this is a way of life for you in and out of treatment programs is a way of life for you your parents got it so they can do it, so you do it you're a mad dog you care nothing about nobody or nothing but yourself something's gotta change if you're in benchmark recovery something's wrong If you're in the rooms of Cocaine Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous, something is wrong. What do they say in the street? You better stand up and recognize. It might be your last shot to take a look. Too many as I've walked this path in these rooms and in my street life have I seen meet their demise as a result of this disease that's so cunning, powerful, and baffling. You will be totally twisted and you won't even know that you're twisted. You'll be upside down and you'll think you're straight side up and argue anybody down that tells you that you've got it twisted, man. you will argue them to the ground that you're alright we got a guy here and we got a girl here that the only thing that's going to help you is a power greater than yourself that's it, ain't no middle of the road solutions for you, ainít no band-aids for you ainít know sometime you watered down stuff for you you need something with some oomph to it you need something that can withstand any storm that comes because the storm is going to keep coming. They ain't going to back up off of you. Your disease has an agenda. It's disease is to get you back doing what you do. But first you need to come to a place to know that there's something that you do That's what first step is about. First step is a realization that there's nothing that I do no matter what. I hate that cliche. I hate it. Because they spew it out in meetings, man, and they don't back it up with that ain't the real God. The real God gets loaded and he drinks no matter what. The alcoholic in the attic drinks and gets loaded no matter what. And you know what? if something don't happen, you're going to do it again. So I'm glad to be here. I've been around long enough God has spared me long enough to know that in here somebody is just like me. I've done enough work that I can spot you. The Spirit has touched me internally enough to know that I can link up in your spirit and see if it's centered and focused? Or are you just a sham? We got them all in the room. But thank God I had some spiritual guides and some teachers in my life that God anointed, man, and they gave me a message with some depth and weight and they passed some stuff on to me that gave me foundation that has helped me to stand for 26 years. I just celebrated 26 years. I'm a recovered Heron addict. And I didn't mean a poop butt Heron addict. New York don't put out poop butt Heron addicts. I shot dope for real. To when I got here, every vein in my body I had used with no hose barred. God put some angels in my life man that was armed with some facts about themselves that were able to sit down and tolerate me and love me until I could love myself see I'm an unlovable guy I'm a man I'm not an unloveable guy why? because I love me too much you ain't no space in my light for you it's all about me and God put some guys in my life man and a woman, I got a female sponsor in my wife man that has loved me unconditionally one of the very things that's wrong with our 12 step fellowships is the very thing that brings us to recovery are the very think that we castrate each other about we rip them apart because they're into the behaviors that got them here. Being a womanizer, being a manizer, being a hoe, being an idiot, being a thief, being liar, being dishonest, being manipulative. The very things that we've used all our lives to survive out here that finally got us here are the very things that we tear each other apart in an effort to make ourselves something. Knowing that we're only a speck of sand on the beach. I'm really not all that. But for some reason, I want to be somebody in the nuthouse. This is the nathouse, y'all. If they didn't tell you, I'm telling you. This is The Insane Asylum. But what's happened is that God has put some psychiatrists and some therapists and some doctors in here with you guys. And not along the lines of that per se, but He's put healers in this room. He's given some of us the ability and the power to touch an inner part of you that nothing could get to but drugs and alcohol. And He's allowed us to not literally lay hands on you, but He's allowing us to lay hands on you. And some of you have... I'm tickled, man, when I see we did something right, Marsha. We did something right, Mark. To see Jack still here and see Lane still here and see my man here and all the women that were in the women's program to see you guys that are still on the path. That's where my heart is. To say that you didn't give up because it's easier to give up than to hold on. It's easier to revert back to what you think you know as opposed to stepping out into the void and being willing to believe God will meet you there. It's much easier to do that. At least you know what's going to happen if you go back. Oh, I might get beat up a little bit. No, you might die. My brother did. He went uptown that Friday afternoon. He didn't go uptown because he had a habit. He went uptown to hang out. He loved heroin and cocaine like I do. I love heroin and coke. You know how you be in a bad relationship, and you know you're in a good relationship, but you just can't get out of it. You do everything to get out of it, and she's beating you upside the head. He's punching you in the eye and everything. You know you ain't supposed to be in it, but you love him. he loved me and he's putting knots upside your head and stretching you out and sending you to the hospital and you go back every time looking for the way it used to be in a delusion that it might not ever be that way again especially if you've had numerous experiences with it Edward just went uptown to do a little speedball man, just hang out for an afternoon took the afternoon off from work, he had a good job good family living out in Brooklyn just went around the block we grew up on just to hang out he didn't know he was going to get what he was looking for see I don't know if you're like me but I've been looking for death all my life I played Russian roulette with my life All my life Every time I stuck a spike in my neck Or in my pinky or in my leg Or whatever I was inviting death into my life I didn't know it I know it now Somebody's a mad dog You go to Annie Limps I ain't just talking to alcoholics and addicts either I'm talking to control freaks out there you got to be in control and if you ain't oh my god, woe for the person that's in your way you ainít never drank and you ainít never used a day in your life but you got the disease you got a spiritual malady your spirit is not sick you're just separated from the Spirit of God that dwells deep down within you and until you hook back up with that Spirit of God, you will continue to be in chaos and darkness and confusion the only difference with us is that we use drugs or we use alcohol you use something else somebody out there, you're a sex addict been there done that somebody said to me somebody said to me the other night when I got here they said yeah we was waiting to see who you brought down here with you this year I'm not afraid for you to see me man Mark used to tell me how free do you want to be be transparent after you put you out there is what they do with you ain't it's you do what you want to do with me I'm me I ain't bring nobody this year because ain't nobody in the stable there's been a transition over the last year where that's become unacceptable see it's about evolution and it's not about it's all about moving and it' s about growth but until you have the experience you don't know no better that's what this program is about in the experience God keeps you and you begin to recognize that he is or she is or it is or whatever you want to call it and you become willing to align your life with that because you know that so much better than the way you've lived they say why are you still here Mike 26 years years later. Because I'm crazy. I'm still crazy at certain times. I ain't quite as crazy as I used to be. But I still have my moments. He ain't finished with me yet. If he's finished with you, God bless you. If all that spirits you and you floating on clouds and stuff, God blessings you. I don't want to float on no clouds. I want to live life and enjoy life and be happy and be peaceful. But one of the main things I'd like to do is, I want to read you something out of the 12 in 12. And it's in step 4. And I'm just about finished this piece of work with Carter who's my sponsor. It's got like 38 years but this piece OF work I did with him over the last year and a half has revolutionized my life. And I can remember when I was in Step 4. He had me read Step 4, 12 and 12. And this piece here stuck out to me on page 53. It says But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us for they are human too and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurities here you go addicts and alcoholics insecurity grows and festers when we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires they revolt and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts at control and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family To be a friend among friends To be an owner of a house To be worker among workers To be useful member of society Always we tried to struggle To the top of the heap Or to hide underneath it This self-centered behavior blocked Our partnership relations with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had little and small comprehension. The mad dog. We don't form relationships. The world centers around me. Everything that goes on in my world is about me. You have no say so in it. and you must align yourself to the way I know you should be. Not how I think you should, not how I know I should be, how I KNOW you should BE. Joe had something called Theater of the Law that he used to do that he had slots that you stick people in little slots, man. And when you stick them in there, they got a little agenda that goes with them. And they can't NOT do that agenda. but the trouble with that is they never seem to stay in their little slot so here comes resentment here comes anger here comes insecurity here comes fear here comes disappointment here comes loneliness here comes sorrow here comes pain here comes misery here comes all the stuff that affects the nature of what I truly suffer from is my spirit, the malady in my spirit being separated from it. Can I afford for that to happen? Being who I am, I can't afford forthat to happen. So something has got to happen for the alcoholic in the attic, the real guy. Not the poopy, therealguy. The mad dog guy. the guy no matter what you go to any lengths for your drugs and alcohol and have control over your life no drugs and alcohol in your body whatsoever you still lie, you still manipulate you still con, you're still schemed you're still underhanded you're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde you're putting on a show for the world you're not transparent I don't really know you see if I really know you, you'll be who you are 100, 24-7. If I'm really your friend, you're going to accept me no matter what. You're not going to judge me. Those are the kind of people I need in my life. So what happens is that God gives you the ability to separate. He gives you the ability to see. 10 Step talks about entering the world of the Spirit. They don't talk about it in meetings. And they don't talk about because the majority of people never get to it. They never get to spirit world. Once they get to 10, they never explore what spirit world is about. God's world is an awesome world. God's world is a world that they've been talking about for centuries. Didn't just start with us. Didn't just start in Alcoholics Anonymous and Cocaine Anonymous And Narcotics Anonymous Any NA people in here? Before I get started on NA? No? Good Didn't Just start talking about it there They've been talking about this deal we talk about For centuries Aligning yourself with A power Having access to That power, turning your life and your will over to that power because your humanness is not sufficient to do what needs to be done in your life internally. When nobody's around, how are you doing on the inside, Mike? Somebody walk up to you and say, hey, how you doing, Mike, I'm fine. Are you really fine or are you just putting on a show? Can you really say to them, hey, How you doing, Mike? I'm not doing that well today. Are you free enough to really share who you are with them? Are you really free enough to be who you want to be? Who you are no matter what? In a knowingness that when somebody judges you it's not you that they're judging they're actually judging themselves because we're only mirrors of each other. There's something that has to happen once you get to us. What has to happened for the individual that gets to us, man, you need to do this long enough until you getto see what's written between the lines in here. There's stuff between the line in here that's not talked about. They want to tell you 10th step is a maintenance step. If I could maintain anything, Lane, I wouldn't be here. I can't maintain shit. Excuse me, kids. That's why I'm still here. 10 steps shows you how to live in God's world the world of the spirit there is another place that says those who worship God must worship him in spirit and in truth we have two's and we have road maps to a life that is happy joyous and free, the deal is do you really want it I mean, do you really want it? Really? You can say it. Scott tickled me. I saw Scott at a meeting last night and it's so good to see him, man. So good to be with you. It's so great to see Him. And I said something to him and he said, yeah, I carry you with me everywhere. And on the side of his big book, he said I even got what you told me. When you walk, think about your feet. When you're into doing your everyday stuff, are you into doing that or are you just doing that with another agenda? Is it really about what you're in in that moment? Are you talking one thing and walking another way? Because sooner or later that's going to play out. You know that, right? sooner or later somebody's going to peep your whole car you know this ain't really about you and your sponsor you and your counselor you do know that right that they're just tools that God is using to hopefully get you to recognize this real guy this mad dog guy it's about you hooking up with some real stuff man what begins to happen what begins to happen is that you begin to treat your neighbor as yourself that's what begins to happen you begin to have some empathy and some sympathy for other people and you're not so hard and callous you become a giver as opposed to a taker you'll give the shirt off of your back. You'll put you on the side to make sure somebody else is alright. You'll give the homeless man or the homeless woman a dollar every now and then. Not all the time because I don't give it to them all the time. But I begin to live from the inside out because there's times when spirits say give it to them. What I'm trying to say is you begin to listen. Because there's an inner voice that's tried to guide me all my life. That thing I used to say something told me, I know what that something is now. They tried to tell me that in that little church I grew up in. They tried to tells me who something was. Something is somebody bigger than you and I. I didn't listen because I put on the guard suit I am so grateful to be alive the simplicity of my recovery today is just that simple simple I come down here man and it's a room full of people to hear me say what I don't know when I get up here I don't know what I'm going to say. You might hear anything that comes out of my mouth. But I know I must be honest, truthful, and forthwith with you in an effort that somebody might identify with me and say, I'm just like that dude. And if it happened for him, it can happen for me. He ain't no better than me. I'm a mad dog just like he is. I don't want what I had before. I want something different. An internal deal, not an external deal. An internal deed. I want my heart and my spirit to be changed. That's really what I wanted to do when I started shooting dough. I wanted my heart and my spirit to be changed because I couldn't live out here with you guys no more thank God he began to do for me what I could not do for myself we have a process we have a way of living here the language in the book is very precise and direct but it's just that it's language what needs to happen is that an individual needs to begin to have their experience with the language and stay with the experience don't run from it all you mothers and fathers out there and relatives and whatever they relapse because they want to relapse they drink and they use again because they want to drink and they want to use again. Cut them loose. Let them have their experience. One or two things will happen. And you might not like me for saying it, but I've got to say it. They'll either live or they'll die. But it will be perpetuated and brought on by them, not you. but this is a disease that's about killing if you got it this is a disease about taking you out this is a disease that even though you sit here with us and you ain't used no drugs and alcohol whatsoever, you can be crazy as a Betsy bug insane twisted sitting here looking at us with a smile on your face and miserable. What kind of life is that? What kind of way is that to live life? Finally I got to a place, man, where I woke up and I had a desire to stay awake. That's all it took was a desire. And something happened. This power that we talk about in these rooms, it's not for Everybody. Everybody don't have to do it the way we do. But you might want to take a look at it and see if maybe you do. To abandon yourself to a power greater than yourself. To give up the fight, man. Give it up. They told Jackie Robinson, they said, We just don't want you to fight, men. Don't fight. Just stand. and that's all we ask you to do just stand, stop fighting you ain't going to win you're not going to win a useless fight see what's in the plan for you relatives and friends and family members start doing something for yourself start getting help for yourself start getting quality for your life start wearing a smile on your face start being a husband to your wife and a wife to your husband nurture that relationship be an example of dependence on a power greater than yourself as opposed to a dependence on your son or daughter getting better. Let them go. God's got them. He's got them. He kept me. He kept my. I am astounded at my life. I'm amazed at my life, man. I'm a dopey. Where I come from they call them junkies. I'm a junkie from the bowels of Harlem, New York. God saw fit to smile on me. Why shouldn't he smile on you? If you want to live, we got a way for you to live here. If you wanna smile again we got a way for you to smile again. If you want to love again, we got away for you to love it again. If you wanna family, we got to wait for you to get your family back. But it begins and it ends with you. I want to thank Mark Houston. I thought I came to Texas just to spend time with Mark. Really, I had Mark with my sponsor, and we had a long-distance sponsorship. I had been knowing Mark for years through Joe Hawk, who was my primary, my grand sponsor. A gentleman that worked with him initially was my Eskimo, and then Joe became my sponsor. And I met Mark, and Joe died, and I needed a sponsor. And I took me and Mark hooked up, and I thought I was coming to Texas to hang out with Mark on a one-on-one. That wasn't why I was brought to Texas. I was brought to Texas to show me what they told me about you guys in Harlem, and they lied. Be careful who you sit next to. Be careful who you listen to. You all have an inner spirit that dwells deep down within you. Learn how to access it and talk to it and powwow with it and communicate with it. Because people are going to lie to you. They're not going to have your best intentions at hand. Real alcoholic, real addict. Get aligned with what this program is truly about. I'm not quite as opinionated as I used to be. Bobby B will tell you that. He'll tell you. I used to walk around with a sword and a shield And a crash helmet Because I was always stirring up stuff If you wasn't in the process And you wasnít doing the work You are going to hell Today it's up to you man It's up To you what you do Whatever you do I'm going to support you in it I don't judge. I don' t judge. You in relationships? Get in two, three of them. You're a workaholic? Work yourself to death. But stay awake because He's coming. That's my one piece of truth that I keep with me Heron's coming He might take a siesta and he might back up And I might be able to live happy, joyous and free But you bet your bottom dollar He's coming man And the longer I stay clean The more of a vengeance he has for me Because my mission my mission is to slay him somebody's dying you didn't just make it to us either you've been around us for a while and you're dying you're in here tonight I'd love it if you came up to me after and said yeah you was talking to me my ego likes that shit I ain't completely cured I ain't all that goddamn spiritual but what it does is that it lets me know that my life is not in vain it lets me know that what I've been awakened to as to why I'm still alive after 63 years is truth and fact that God kept me alive to help somebody. Because by all rights, I should be dead, man. I don't know if you like me. I'm a dope thing. I'm an junkie. I robbed my mama. I set my brother up. Contracts on my life. Geographics. Go down the list. I'll give it to you. I probably did it. And I stand here tonight a free man. I go anywhere in the world and I'm not afraid to go. They don't go in certain parts of town because they might do. My spawning ground in recovery was South Central Los Angeles. You don't over there because it's crypts and bloods. Man, if it's my time to go, it's my time to go. That's it. Come on with it. I got a life beyond somebody wants it. We got a path. We've got a process of recovery. We've Got some qualified sponsors. Everybody ain't qualified to be a sponsor. You can tell them I said it. They're not armed with some facts about themselves. They can't guide themselves. They're just vessels for God to use. That's all we are. We are not God. My sponsor has come to me and said, Mike, what? Did you ask God? No, you didn't? Well, you need to go ask God. Then you come back and talk to me. That's where the power is. Get aligned with the power. But first find out if you need to get aligned with the power. If you need a power grader in yourself and how bad it must be I hope he ain't in here B but last night we were sitting in a meeting and somebody said his God, he had a friend a sponsor and his God was a rock and that was his God a rock and I looked at B I said you want a rock B? I don't want no rock for no God a goddamn bulldozer might come along and crush you. I want something that's all-powerful. I'm sorry, somebody don't like this, man. The group cannot be my high power. You might be here tonight and I come back here next Saturday and ain't nobody here. My high power is gone. that's not what was passed on to me. I got a God that dwells deep down within me. He's always been there. From the moment I was conceived and the breath of life was blown into me, God dwelled deep down with me. He's never left me. And He's ever left me now. And for somebody in here tonight, He's doing the same thing. He's allowing you to breathe. just breathe smell the roses along the side of the road I love Austin, Texas don't know if I ever live here again but I love Austin, TX cause what I thought I'd find here I did not find I found love I found family and I found a semblance of peace Thanks for listening Man, Lane said it That was a real treat Thank you for coming out Let's give him another round of applause I'm just too happy I'm coming to do a group for you on Monday oh man I've asked my friend Jordan to read the 10 step promises page 84 of the big book