The Primary Purpose of Staying in the Middle of the Herd – Steve B.

Thanks, Risa, very much. Thank you, Ryan and Risa for inviting me here. It's an honor. And I'm glad you guys have this meeting going. It is good to know you are out there. My name is Steve and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is May 26, 2004. And I am very grateful for that fact. So I am here to talk about our foundation meeting. And if any of you haven't heard that before, or you're wondering what that's about, if you don't know what primary purpose is about, that's why we do this. So we want people who are new to AA, and not just new to AAA, maybe you've been around for a while, and you're kind of looking for something different. And maybe that's Why You Found Primary Purpose Group. That was certainly my story. But regardless, we want to talk about the basics. We want to talk about, you know, what is, what does it mean to be an alcoholic? What is alcoholism? Um, we're going to talk a little bit about solution. Um, and, and then what, what do we do? So that's, that's what we're here for. And again, thanks for, uh, for inviting me here. Um. So this, the foundation meeting is our, is our need to know information, like I was saying. Um... And, and I want to highlight something too, that I'm going to be using this outline. And this is an outline that we put together. I can't really take any credit for it, but Primary Purpose Group in Austin put this together and it's really useful. My name in this meeting is my email address. So if any of you want this information, feel free to reach out. I also have my own Google Drive with lots of other useful step information, et cetera, if you're interested. And I forgot to mention, my home group is the Primary Purpurpose group in Austin, Texas. Um, and I actually have two home groups. Uh, I also have a low, you know, I live in Bastrop, which is outside of Austin and, um, and have a local home group, uh, the field road group as well. So, um、 that's me. Um、 all right. So a little bit about AA, um، you know, and thanks again to Paul who talked about the Sikh tradition that was, that was really helpful and insightful. And the singleness of purpose that he touched on is something that's important, for us to talk about here. We're all here and it's an open meeting, I believe. And so you don't have to be an alcoholic to be here. You can be a drug addict, you can just be someone who's supporting or someone that's just interested in this information, whatever your reason, you're all welcome. But the thing that we focus on in AA is the singleness, what we call the singliness of purpose. And what does that mean? It means that we talk about what we have in common and we talk about alcohol. We talk about our problems with it, we talk about the solution. If you're here and you're a drug addict, that's okay. You know, something that we tell people is to just change the words if you need to. And there's other fellowships they can get help from, but if it's an open meeting, you're welcome and wanted here. All right, anonymity. So, you know, it's called Alcoholics Anonymous for a reason. Some of us don't want the world to know that we're alcoholics and some of us might have important positions or be famous or whatever. And so it's important that we protect everyone's anonymity. I put my full name, I'm okay with people knowing who I am, but you have a right to your privacy and a right not to have that information. It's not just your name, but it's also what you hear in meetings. It's important that we stick to that as well. All right. So what's different about primary purpose group? There's all different kinds of meetings out there. The fourth tradition, you know, we're autonomous. We can have just about any kind of a meeting you can imagine, even ones that violate our traditions. But, you Know, there's a lot of discussion meetings, there are big book study meetings, all kinds of literature study meetings. What's different about primary purpose group is we study the big book. If you've experienced it, you know, but if you haven't, we really take our time with it. We study it line by line. We have this helpful workbook. What is the purpose of that? It takes statements and turns them into questions. Why do we do that? When I'm studying, the purpose of this group is to study the big book. It's to learn everything we can about it so that we can understand how we can recover and how we can help others. So by taking every statement and turning it into a question, for me, it gets my brain to think about it in a different way. It gets us to look at it from an entirely different angle and that helps us understand it. And it also is useful for me personally when I read something, I can ask myself does this apply to me? And yeah, so that's it. And as you may have experienced, if you've attended any of these meetings, it takes us a long time to get through the book. We take our time with it and we focus on the basic text and that's the doctor's opinion to page 164. And then we also cover Dr. Bob's story. So that's kind of it in a nutshell. And now we're going to get into what alcoholism is. You know, a lot of people come and you know, I came into my first aid meeting. And I think probably my first meeting, I said I was an alcoholic, I had no idea what it meant. And it's also even if you've been sober for a while, sometimes it's easy to lose sight of what that means. That was certainly my case. So if we, if we go to page 30 and more about alcoholism, we learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we're alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. Okay. That's the first Step. Great. I admitted I'm an alcoholic. I still don't know what it means. And that's what, that's, what we're going to talk about. Um, so what does, what does alcoholism not mean? It it's, it's let me reword that. It's, uh, you know, we'd like to, you Know, we hear these drunk logs, we're here, all the stories we were familiar. We've all had consequences. Otherwise we wouldn't be here. Um it's not about what's happened. It'S not about, you KNOW, whether you've been in jail, Whether you've been living on the streets, whether you've had DUIs, whether, you know, done all kinds of things. We've all done a lot of those things, but that's not what makes us alcoholic. It's not about those circumstances and it's not About the consequences. It's Not about your, you're a good person or you're bad person. You could be either. But it's, it's about what alcohol does to you when you take it into your system. um all right on the same page we were just on uh page 30 we alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking we know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control all of us felt at times that we're regaining control but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization we're convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness over any considerable period, we get worse, never better. Okay. So that's starting to paint the picture. Um, I, if I'm an alcoholic, I have no control and it says right here again, real, real alcoholic, uh, doesn't ever regain control. So I may think that I have control and we'll get to that. Um? But I don't, um, something that, you know, there's this part in the beginning of the book. I don't know if I, if I even knew this was here when I first got sober. I think it's, and I certainly didn't really connect with it until primary purpose group, at least not in the way that I understand it now. The doctor's opinion, and it's before it's in the Roman numeral part of the books. In the beginning, Dr. Silkworth was the director of Towns Hospital uh at the time that that bill uh got sober and he uh that was a treatment uh treatment center for for drug and alcohol addiction um and this was very early days this i don't know if it was the first of its kind but it was might have been one of the first of Its Kind to actually try to treat alcoholics and addicts. Dr. Silkworth had a unique insight that this is an illness. Before that time, and it's still true even now out of ignorance, is that a lot of people do think it's something moral. They think you drink because there's something wrong with you and why don't you just stop and be normal like everyone else? Why don't you stop destroying yourself and hurting other people. His insight and his what, you know, where he helps us is to say that this is an illness. And he refers to as an allergy. So if you go to Roman numeral 28, we believe in so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy, that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. Okay. at we were used to hearing the word allergy nowadays everyone's got allergies hay fever whatever um in those days that was a pretty new term it wasn't very widely used or understood and what does that word mean it just means an abnormal reaction so when i uh take alcohol into my body something you know i have an abnormal reaction i don't react like normal people it's not the same as other types of allergies that I'm going to break out and hives and my throat is going to close up, but, um, but we know that affects us in a different way. And that's what I'm gonna explain a little bit more here. Um, so I know that when I physically take it into my body, something strange happens. I have a strange reaction. Um? So what's the solution if I have, if I Have a strawberry allergy and just like I described, you know, I break out on highs or I start to, you know, not be able to breathe. What would I do? I would stop eating strawberries. If we go to page 30 in the doctor's opinion he tells us the solution part of part of the solution. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence. Okay. If I'm not an alcoholic and I, and I'm drinking heavily and it's becoming a problem, then that's the solution I just stopped drinking. That's pretty simple. However, if you are an alcoholic, if you're a real alcoholic, like me, that's that's not going to quite do it. All right. So the other thing that Dr. Silkworth helped us understand is how, you know, I talked about the allergy. That'S that's how it affects me physically. And it leads to what we call this phenomenon of craving. So I'm sure as many of you have experienced, I know that I have, you take one drink and that's not enough. And it's just never enough. Even if something forces you to limit your drinking, you want more and more and More. So that's the phenomenon of craving. That's that's part of the physical aspect of this disease. The other aspect is the mental. If we go to page 22. and again this is a note so if you're not following that's okay um we're equally this is at the bottom we are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system something happens both in the bodily and mental sense which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop the experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this these observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink well we'll get to that in a little bit um so there's this mental obsession um once i you know if i'm not drinking and we're going to get into what happens when i'm when i'm dry um but i'm obsessing about it so it affects me mentally physically um and and the problem is uh for me you know if i'm dry for a while um let's and this is definitely my case before i got to a and i realized you know i had horrible consequences of my drinking i knew i needed to stop i was threatened to stop um so i did my best to stop on my own and what happens you know I went for a while I could maybe get it you know a few days well maybe a little bit more maybe a couple weeks maybe a few weeks but at some point I start to you know just have this voice saying well you've you've been sober for a While and maybe you can just just have a you can have a beer it's not a big deal it's Not Hard Alcohol whatever it is It's telling me something. And as my sponsor, Chad, likes to say, that voice is talking to me. It's it's my voice. So I think it's just me. I think its it's something that's, you know, seemingly innocent. It's very subtle at times. And so that leads me to think that I have a choice. Well, something that we've come to understand about alcoholics is we don't have that choice. and on page 24 it highlights that. It's in the squiggly writing, the italics. The fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice and drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or month ago. We're without defense against the first drink. Okay, so we start to understand And I think that I have some kind of power. I have a power to choose, but I don't. I really don't, and my experience has proven that over and over again. All right, so let's go back to the mental obsession on page 30. liberty again the this is in the first paragraph the idea that somehow someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker um the persistence of this illusion is astonishing many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death so that's what's waiting for me um and that's that's how this shows up in my life um i'm obsessing about it and i'm obsessed about the ability to control it i think this time will be different um the evidence doesn't bear that out. Uh, but I think somehow this time is going to be different. Um, okay. So on page 37, whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. How can such a lack of proportion of the ability to think straight be called anything else? So I'm insane. Um, this, and, and that's what the doctor helps us with as well, that this is primarily a mental disease. Um, we don't have the ability to choose. We don't have theability to control, um, what this book tells me and what we need to understand, what I need to understand if I have any, any hope is that I can't control it and I can stop once I've started. Um and the book refers to this as being beyond human hate. So I can keep myself sober. I can t keep you sober. Um I have no power when it comes to that. All right, so that's insanity. Now I want to get into the spiritual, what we call the spiritual malady, the spiritual aspect of this illness. If we go back to the doctor's opinion, Roman numeral 28 at the bottom, they are restless, irritable, and discontented unless they can again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks. So, and I'm going to get into the terrible cycle here in a second. But what happens is, you know, I stopped drinking because of the consequences because I have remorse because I feel terrible for what happened. And so as soon as I'm separated from alcohol, as soon As it's out of my system, I'm technically sober. I would say I'm dry, but it's, you know, let's, Let's get into the terrible cycle here. So to continue in that paragraph, after they've succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change, there is very little hope of his recovery. All right, I'm going to share my screen here. bear with me all right can you guys see that thumbs up yep awesome all right so my sponsor chad drew this and i did a great job and and it's just a visual way to to see what that paragraph that i just read what does this mean um if alcohol is my problem then stopping drinking is the solution. And it should be simple. Um, what, what I didn't understand for many years, um, and what I, what this program, you know, actually understanding this book has helped me, uh, primary purpose group helped me understand is, um. Alcohol wasn't my problem. It's my solution. So I drink because of what's described in this cycle. So what happens, you know, let's start with that first drink. So I take that first drink. Okay. That leads to the craving. So physically again, that drink isn't enough. I want more and more and I drink until terrible things happen has been, that's my experience. Um, and that's what we call a spree. That's what We call. And that leads to consequences. Um, you Know, wait, you for me waking up, not knowing how I got to where I am blacking out almost every time I drank, um, you know, lots of things laying down, you know, face down and pull my own vomit. Would it, you name it, uh, all kinds of consequences and that we've, that many of us have experienced. Um, do I feel good about those consequences? No, personally, I don't. Um, when I'm drinking, I didn't feel good. I don' seem to have much of a conscience. Uh, when i come to, I definitely do. Um, so i'm, i'm remorseful. I feel terrible. And some part of me says, I don't ever want to go through that again. I need to stop. So that's what we call a firm resolution to stop and there may be some outside influences telling me to stop or encouraging me or heavily encouraging me are threatening me. Okay, so I stopped I stopped drinking and like i was describing okay the alcohol leaves my system i'm dry um i'm technically maybe sober um and this leads to that restless irritable discontented and that's what we call spiritual malady um what does that mean and i'm sure many of you have experienced it i know i have and you can also experience this in sobriety uh which is kind of the point here um but basically I don't feel right um I feel I'm irritable everything is bothering me um I'm not okay with anything that people are doing around me they're making bad decisions they're not doing it the way I think it should be done um they're you know you know Chad talks about you know they're driving too fast or too slow um you know whatever it is it's not right it's not okay i feel uncomfortable in my own skin um i'm i'm yeah it's it's just that and i'm a mess um i'M NOT I'M DISCONTENTED I'M NOT HAPPY NOTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH NOTHING IS ENOUGH MAYBE ALCOHOL IS NOT IN MY SYSTEM OKAY I'M DRY I'M SOBER RIGHT NOW UM BUT UH I WANT I want to fill that with something um and so I'm feeling pretty desperate what does that lead to that leads to the obsession um that's when that voice that I was referring to earlier starts to come up and say you know yeah you had some bad experiences but just drink beer or just have one and it's probably okay or you know what you're you're on a business trip and your wife is nowhere around to stop you and no one else is there to stop you once you just have one drink with your friends what's the worst that could happen well it's pretty freaking bad but and we succumb we and again we think we made that choice my experience has shown it's not a choice it's going to happen if you're an alcoholic if you are not another way to illustrate integrated you know if if uh if you stop drinking and your life is just great um and no issues and you know then you might not be an alcoholic. You're probably not an alcoholic if you stopped drinking and or I think for just about anybody after a certain amount of time you're going to feel good because it's physically out of your system and you know you're gonna feel a little bit more healthy. Maybe you're going to sleep better. That could be short-lived, and if you're an alcoholic, that terrible cycle is going to come into play without a solution, and again, like Chad says, I'm not trying to convince you that you have a problem. If you're here, it's most likely because you have problem. What you need to understand, what I need to understanding is I don't have a solution. I don't have a way to solve that problem. The other thing I want to highlight is, you know, maybe you've gone to a lot of meetings. Maybe you've read this book. Maybe you've been exposed to a little bit of information. I'm not sure if that's the right word for it, good information. So we call that knowledge. We call that self-knowledge. And it's really helpful. It's good. It' s good for me to understand the nature of alcoholism. What does that mean um so i'm good right nope um it's it's not enough it's really helpful and we want you to have as much of that information i want to get as much information as i can to understand myself to understand alcoholism how it works um but that knowledge isn't going to keep me sober it's just going to give me that information there's still something missing um let's go to page 39 but the actual or potential alcoholic with hardly an exception will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge this is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been a bitter experience so they're really trying to get that across and they did with some great great examples and stories um on page 24 at the bottom when this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies he has probably placed himself beyond human aid and unless locked up may die or go permanently insane these dark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history. But for the grace of God, there would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop but cannot. All right. So again, you know, what it said on the previous page, I've placed myself beyond human aid. um and again we also talk about we talk about alcohol alcoholism as an illness and it's you know i haven't highlighted yet it's a you know our understanding is it's progressive illness maybe when you first started drinking you could you could control it to some extent um but for for all of us as i understand it we we pass beyond this this point of no return um we can we drink enough that we can no longer control it and and it's hard to say exactly when it is for some of us um but that's our that's understanding um and when i've when i'm beyond human aid so what i've been trying to emphasize so far in terms of of what this does to us is the hopelessness. Again, nothing can help me. So where do I go from here? What happens? And that's where we get to the solution. What is the solution? You know, back in the doctor's opinion, he described it as an entire psychic change. What we refer to that as spiritual awakening um and if you if you're coming in here and you're agnostic or atheist that was actually my my case um you know i rebelled against god um and again my understanding is about 50 percent it's 50 50 in our organization and in terms of people who are out uh in terms of people Who Are Agnostic Atheist Or Religious um and as far as I understand that was true and Bill and Bob's day as well. Bill was an agnostic, and Dr. Bob was religious. So we can come in here from either background. The reality is it doesn't matter. And you may hear the term spiritual awakening, and that may not be great news to you. But the reality is whether you believe in God, don't believe in god, it really makes no difference. You can have a spiritual experience if you take these steps um so in we agnostics on page 44 starts with a couple of things the first is one of my favorite descriptions of what it means to be an alcoholic it kind of sums up very succinctly um if when you honestly want to you find you cannot quit entirely or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take you are probably alcoholic if that be the case you may be suffering from an illness which only spiritual experience will conquer. So that's our understanding, that the only way to treat this is with by having a spiritual experience. On the next page over, lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live and it had to be a power greater than ourselves, obviously. But where and how are we to find this power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find the power greater than yourself, which will solve your problem. So what have we established so far? I can't solve my problems. Whether I believe in God, don't believe in god either way, I still can't stay sober. Whatever religious ideas I may have, literally aren't doing it. And if I'm agnostic and I don't Believe in something like that, then I, I'm not the supreme being that I thought I was. I don' t have, you know, alcohol has shown me that, that I can' t control it. It's proven to me that i'm not god because if i was i could just snap my fingers and be sober and that would be great um you know you guys started this meeting reading the forward to the first edition and going back to that page roman numeral eight to show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book um i don't know if that's so that's what that's this book is for. It's to connect you, connect me to a higher power. Again, if that doesn't sound like a great idea to you, if you're not happy about, okay, there's a spiritual, and that's something too we talk about sometimes things are misrepresented in meetings and I've heard in meetings, and maybe I've even said it in the past, well, that's the spiritual part of this program um the entire program is spiritual whether i like it or not um that's the case on page 46 it says much to our relief we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of god our own conception however inadequate was sufficient to make the approach and to affect a contact with him so that's that's also my to me revolutionary idea in aa that you don't have to believe in the God that was taught to you at church growing up or church now or whatever. It's your own conception that you connect just whatever you can connect with. And the good news is it doesn't have to be perfect, you don'T have to have it figured out. You know, on page 47, we need to ask ourselves but one short question, do I now believe or am I even willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself? As soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. So I just have to be willing to believe. Well, if alcohol has proven to me that I'm beat, I can't do it. Is there some power out there? Do I need evidence of that power? Well, if nothing else, the fellowship of AA can show you that. If people have been able to stay sober and lead happy and productive lives, um that's some evidence right there so someone has been able to connect to something maybe that's enough to get started all right the other part i want to highlight is you know it's what our cell says in our 12th step that having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps so again if i take these steps and that is the main purpose that's that's what we're here for that's what this is going to do is to help connect me to a higher power. That's the only hope I have as an alcoholic. So that's the solution. The work that we have to do, you know, what I discussed is primarily talking about steps one and two. The program of action as we talk about it uh, is, is 63 to 84. And, and that's, that's the action. Um, what do I do? What do I do? Okay. I've had, I've understand the nature of this, this illness. Um I've understand that there is a solution. Um what, where do I go from here? Well get a sponsor. Um and if you're here, you know, if you are brand new, um obviously you need to get a sponsor and have them take you through this work, have them take you though the steps. But if you've been around for a while and are looking for a new experience, something that I've been blessed to experience. I found a primary purpose group at 13 Years Sober. Something that we haven't touched on too much is untreated alcoholism. And that relates exactly to that parable cycle, that restless, irritable and discontent. Um, we can, the benefits of sobriety, the benefitsof recovering, um, can lead to a lot of good things in life. You can get your job back, you can get relationships, you canget all kinds of things. What, what you don't necessarily hear, or at least I didn't, or atleast if I did, it didn't sink in is those things can make you think that you're good. It's kind of like the, you know, someone who's on medication for mental illness and feels better. So they stopped taking their medication. The same thing can happen to us. I've outlined, you Know, briefly what the solution is, is to have that spiritual experience. If I'm if I feel like, okay, I've had it, I feel good. I've gone through the steps. I'm working with others. I can and you know again, things are coming back to me in life. I can feel like I'm okay now. Okay, thanks, God, you got me this far. I'll just, I'll do what I need to do to just maintain the sobriety. But we can kind of lose sight, you know, we can rest on our laurels, we can we can drift. And the same thing that that I described in that terrible cycle is what's going to happen to me in recovery. And I'm going to be an untreated alcoholism, because I'm not drinking because we know the alcohol can be a solution to this illness, is to drink. I'm not drinking any longer, so I'm dry. But if I'm nicht feeling connected, if I m not having a spiritual experience for me on a daily basis, something is missing and I mnot treating my alcoholism. So we call that untreated alcoholism, and that could happen to any of us at any time. And that's what happened to me uh for probably almost solid 10 years and it wasn't pretty but at 13 years sober i found primary purpose group and that showed and and i my sponsor had passed away and i realized that i needed help um and god brought me to primary purpose grip in austin and showed me a different way of looking at this this program the way we studied the book did open different parts of my my brain gave me a different perspective, helped me realize that there was more information here than I realized. I loved, you know, when I first came in touch with this big book or an early sobriety, I fell in love with it. But somehow I drifted and Primary Purpose Group taught me to fall in love avec it again and get this information that's so vital for me. So if you've been around for a while, you've been sober, but you're feeling like maybe there's something more to experience. And you don't even have to change sponsors, you can ask someone who's, you know, kind of living in this a little more directly and to take you through. And I've done that for people I've taken them through without necessarily being their sponsor. So but if you're new here, get a sponsor, what is a sponsor, it's just someone to take you through these steps to take you through the book um that's it um what else is important unity um you know go to meetings uh get a home group so get a get a place that you feel like you belong um that people get to know you that you get to know them that you connect with for me personally that's you know that happens more easily in person but would however it works for you just find somewhere you're going to get involved. Service work, you know, get a service position. For me personally, you know getting involved in service early on saved me. That was a way that I had some reason to show up to be at that meeting but it's easy to also think that services is, uh, means that you don't have to do your recovery work, but you, but, but you do, um, something that Katie, you know, says that, you know, stay in the herd, stay in the middle of the herd. You know, the it's, if you look at a herd of animals, the ones on the outside are the ones that get picked off. Um, so I want to stay in the middle of this thing. So I need to stay involved. I need to connect with people, try to connect with people on a daily basis. Um, so those three, three things, recovery, unity service that's on our coins and our chips. And it's, that's how we keep this thing going. Let's talk about a promise. So if you've been to AA meetings before, you've definitely heard the nine step promises, but something that's not shared as much is the 10 step promises. So on page 84 at the bottom, and we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol, for by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor if tempted we recoil recoil from it as from a hot flame we act sanely and normally and we will find that this has happened automatically we will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part it just comes that is the miracle of it we are not fighting it neither are we avoiding temptation we feel as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected we have not even sworn off instead the problem has been removed it does it does not exist for us we are neither cocky nor are we afraid that is our experience that is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition so that's what's waiting for you um if you haven't experienced that yet if you have experienced that uh please share it with others and um thanks again for this opportunity to be of service i'm i'm really grateful and um thank you everyone Thank you.