The Practical Application of Higher Power – Jack G.

All right, don't tell my wife you just saw that. I'm Jack Grisham and I'm an alcoholic. And I want to thank you guys for having me. You're so nice and thank you Leslie for taking care of me and I've been sneaking around watching and spying on to see who's working a good program around here or not. So I got a whole list. because that's what I like I like sneaking around and I'm more comfortable hanging out over by the 7-Eleven than over here it's nice I talk to those guys I understand them pretty good and real quick I'll tell you I tell me I'm afraid to death I'm so terrible on planes and it's so hard for me to get on the plane and it was funny because the whole the conference being about God and the thought of God and so I get on the plane and I ask the lady because my kids are with me I said hey can you stick us together and I know it's kind of a problem but can you help me out And so the lady ends up sticking me and my two kids all in the same row. Well, a row that I shouldn't be in. So the plane starts to take off, and I start crying. And I'm crying, and my kids are sitting there next to me laughing. And the lady next tome turns out that she's like a God person too, but a different kind of God person than we are. So then we're taking off, and so she's laying hands on me and praying for me while we're taken off. And we started talking, and it was really funny. And there was one thing that I realized that was great. It was something I just found out. You know that you can talk to anyone about God as long as you don't name God other than saying God. And if you take all the politics completely out of it, then you can have a really nice talk with anyone about god and make those feel well. And she was completely different politically than I was. And I said, hey, why don't we leave that out? Let's just talk about the spirit and drop all that other stuff, right? And she's like, okay. And so we had a great time. And I'm going to call her after I'm done and talk. And I don't know. The program has been so good to me. And God, thank God, when I saw the thing about what the conference was, you know, either is or isn't, I thought they probably should have written on there instead, brighten the newcomers to death or something. Something, you Know, scaring away the newcomer is our 47th year of frightening people. Because that's frightening business. You know what I mean? When you tell people, hey, it's God is or God isn't or you're done. How does that sound? That is very frightening. Very frightening. And thank God that I was so stupid that I had no idea what you guys were talking about when I rolled up in here. You know? Because I probably would have left the first day. But you guys caught me. You had me here for a while. And you got the boos out of me. And all of a sudden, I wake up a little bit. Now you're telling me I've got to deal with God. But I'm too late to go back. I can't go back because I'm stuck. And now I've gotta face it. And I've been facing it and running from it for the last 19 years and 10 months. And it's nice that he keeps me around anyway, you know. I think it's funny. Somebody told me one time, he said, Jack, he likes you around because you're pretty funny. And, you Know, he'd like to see what you're going to do next. And you're not hurting people so much, so he's just going to let you hang for a while. And that's what I've Been doing. And I could tell you so many God stories. And it is so funny. We talk about God a lot, and we talk about this, and there's so many miracles that come in our lives, and we just take them for granted because we see them all the time. We see God so much in this program that sometimes we forget. And we're seeking God and seeking God and looking for Him all over the place. And here and there and here and here, and we forget that He's just right by us, just close and right by up. And I'll tell you a funny God story. I'm one of those guys that can't shut up. You know what I mean? It's like I go to the market, and I've got to talk to them about something. You know what I mean? And I'm in the checkout line. If you ever see me, go away. Don't get in my line. It doesn't matter how many items I have. I'm going to be a while. Because I've got to talk to the checkout person. And then I've Got Something to Say to the Box guy. And then the manager comes by. You know, I mean, I'm just a visiting guy, one of those guys. And so I'm out in the backyard one afternoon and it was kind of raining. It had been raining. And I talked to the mail lady, Becky. She came. And so, I see her come, so I ran out to talk with her. And we're talking. And so while we're talking, these two people come up. And it's a woman in her late 50s and a guy about 30. And they have bags with them. And they got all these bags. And they come up outside the house. And they say, do you know where the youth hostel is that used to be on your street? And I go, oh, it's gone. You know, they just forgot they took the website down. It's gone! And they've got all their luggage with them, and they were going to this youth hostel. And it was kind of rainy outside. I go what happened? I go how'd you get here? They go well we got off the bus. I go well that bus doesn't come by for an hour. you're, you're it's raining. What are you going to do? Right. And they're like, they didn't know what they're going to go. I go, Oh, come on in, come in the house. Come on. I'll make tea. Come on. Come in with me. So they don't know me. They're a little frightened. And so I bring them in, you know, and, and I bring him in the House and I started cooking tea and we're talking and stuff. And the, so the son says, you Know, there's a hotel close by. Maybe I'll go there. And I say, Oh yeah, go there, go There. Go look at that. And The mom stays with me, so I look and she has a little cross on. And I said, oh, are you one of those people? And she goes, yeah. I go, I'm one of the people. And she says, well, I'm not one of them. I'm just one of those Jews. You want some effing cream with your tea? You know, it's like my language is not so good a lot. So don't get mad. On the checkout box, don't write speaker on Friday cuss too much. I don't want to do that on there. Anyway, so she goes well how did you come to find God? And I go I'll tell you. I'll say it. Right? So I run down this horror story to this poor lady, you know. And at the end she looks at me and she goes, you know, I think we'll stay by you for a while. And I go, okay. So the son comes back and they stay by me, right? And they say, I go well what are you doing? They go oh we want to go see this church. Do you want to come to the church with us? I go no, no, not too much. No, not that one. And said it was a pretty frightening church she named. And I go but you guys go and have a good time. You come meet me back here tomorrow. I'll cook some pancakes and we'll take a walk on the beach. So, so they go to church and they come back from the church and I go, how'd it go? And they go, oh, Jack, it wasn't so good. They go, they separated the men from the women and we didn't feel welcome and they didn't come up and they didn' t talk to us. And I said, oh that's, you know, it's too bad. They're probably just having a bad night. You know, have some pancakes. Come on, we'll go for a walk. You know, and so they hung out and so then that night I go what are you guys doing? Oh, we're going to another church and they named this other one that was really frightening to me. And I go, no, no, I'm not going with you guys there either. No, don't thank you. But let me know how it went. And so they went to that one and they come back the next day and they go, oh no, it was bad. They go, we had a hard time there and we felt so cold and so unwelcome and no one came up to us. I go I'm sorry man. I say why don't you hang out with me? I've got to take my kids somewhere. Come on, we'll get in the car and take a drive. So these People ended up staying with me for a week. Anyway, so they're there. So we're just hanging out, you know. And the mom kept saying, God bless you, Jack. God bless your son. I'm not doing nothing. Stop. What are you saying that for? I heard you the first time. Stop it. So we'RE hanging out and we'RE talking. We'RE having a nice time. And we'RE just visiting and we're talking. And there's some dogs thrown out. And the son, it turns out it was a mother and a son. And the sun's a little sketchy on the God thing. But he and I were laughing about it. And we were teasing each other. And so they hung out with me por week. Now, at the end of the week, a friend of mine had driven himself to the hospital and he couldn't drive his car home. So I needed someone to help me get his car back. So I went by their hotel and I said, Could you help me? Could you ride with me today? I've got to go pick up a car. And the mother says, I have a headache but I'll send my boy. He'll go with you. So the son went with me and we went and picked up this car. Dropped it off. Now on the way home, we're laughing. We're having a good time. But for some reason, I felt real uncomfortable. Like I just felt sad for some reasons. I didn't know why. And I looked at him and I said, why is your mom worried about you? I acted on a hunch, an inspiration. I said why is her mom worried about you. You know I learned a bit about his family. I said she's not worried about your sister or your dad. Why is she worried about me. And he looked at me and he said do you want to know why she's so worried. And I said yeah. And he said before we left Sweden I was drinking myself to death. I tied weights to my body and I jumped off a bridge to kill myself. He goes they pulled me from the water and put me in the hospital. And when my mom got me out of the hospital, she took me to America to be healed. And I just started laughing at him. You know, it's like, hey. I go, what do you want to do, man? You know what, it' s like, hey, you don't come that many miles, 6,000 miles, and end up in some sober, God-loving, foul-mouthed, talking alcoholic backyard by accident. You know? And... So I go, hey man. I go come on get your mom. I go coming with you. You guys want to see what I do? And so I took them to a meeting and it was funny. I said now you're going to hear a lot of God talk but it might have the F word in front of it and behind it. So just hang out man. And it was so funny and they just loved it so much. And they said they've never seen people put God's work to use. It's the practical application of God, and that's what we do here. The practical application of God. And it was so beautiful, and I gave him a big book and sent him home. And it's funny, I still talk to him. That's real nice. And I take that for granted. Here's a guy, me, doing this, and I'm saying that I'm searching for God. That I'm looking for God." I picked up a spiritual advisor a couple days ago, a Jesuit, and I go visit him now, and we talk. He said, Jack, what do you mean? Why are you looking for God? He goes, he's sending people over to your house. Why don't you stop? No, stop. It sounds like he's the one chasing you down, man. Anyway, so let me start how I ended up here in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I love you guys so much. And it's so funny. And I loved when our guy said, he said we had drunken dads and sober dads. But he forgot to say we also have drunken kids and sober dad. He forgot that one because I'm dealing with a daughter that's two days off weed right now. And she couldn't bring it on the plane, so it's not going so well back over at the hotel. It's like, hey, why don't you go down and get a drink, baby? Come on, go get a drinks, sweetheart. You'll come back better. And believe me, I'm with you on all that. And I'll tell you how I got to the program Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank God I got a mom that the Al-Anon people never got a hand on. And I want to thank you guys. I have the best drunks mom in the world. I will match her with anyone who's in here. I would go to jail. When I'd get out of jail, my mom would go, they're always picking on you, sweetheart. That kind of mom. I'd be in the neighbor's yard, passed out. The neighbors would come over and complain. My mom would say, leave Maloney, he's an artist. You know, so that kind of Mom. And I'd still be there. If it was up to her, I'd feel better. When I fight with my wife, my Mom goes, come home. Come home, baby. Come home. And, you know, she's the best. And I just love her dearly and I call her every day and tell her how much I love her and she still has no idea what's going on over here. But anyway, and I was living in that house and the craziness and I don't know if we got any new people. Like for me this is not so good. I'm more like just sitting with new guys and talking about the program and sitting real close a couple people together and just talking. It's hard standing up here and doing it. It's not the same. But what I always warn the new guys when the newcomers come in, and I say stay away from the pamphlets. If you're coming in right away, don't go up in those pamphets because there are some frightening pamphrets in there if you've ever looked at them. Frightening. And the most frightening pamphet is the one to the teenage alcoholic. I don't know if you have ever seen that one. I'll tell you right now, it's a trick pamphlet. It's a joke. Because you can't answer no to one question on that pamphet. It's like they made a... It's like one of the first questions is, do you ever black out? And? Like it seemed to me like they should have thrown a little something extra in there. Like, hey, do You ever blackout and wake up in women's clothes sleeping with another dude? You know, something. Then we go, I got a problem now. That was rough. You know. But, and I go to a lot of meetings where that's not a problem. You know what I'm saying? That doesn't even show up on the fourth step. Anyway, so. And then the other word on there is, and you take it, this is to the teenage alcoholic, right? It's, are you lying about your drinking? What, are YOU kidding me? It's like, do you think I'm telling the truth about the drinking? My father was a veteran of World War II, Korea and Vietnam. Do you think that I'm lying about my drinking? I think I am telling him the truth. Have you been drinking? You bet. I'm hammered right now. And I'm taking mom's pills. And I am sleeping with that little girl next door. And I want to know if I can maybe take the car. Are you kidding? It is like, hey Jack are you drinking? No sir, I just got back from church. my father caught me one time because he told me he said you can't take the car unless you mow the lawn and this is on a Saturday and I needed the car so I come home at 2 a.m and there's a note sorry no car no lawn so I fire up the mower at 2am didn't go over well so anyway so yeah I'm lying about my drinking of course and then the other one that's my favorite are you hanging with lower companions? I'm hanging with you. You know what I mean? It's like, these are my companions. Of course I'm Hanging with Lower Companions. The one thing, I love the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and I study that thing and I go up and down, up and downs through it and I get into some pretty hardcore arguments about that book with people, you know, and I think they don't quite get the philosophy of the program right but we can discuss that later. But anyway, but one of the things that Bill says in there and it was mentioned earlier, He says that we are people that normally would not mix. I disagree. He should have put, we are People That When Sober Normally Would Not Mix. Because you put a couple of drinks in me and I'm mixing, baby. I'm mixed in. You can take an alcoholic and drop him anywhere in the world and within 15 minutes they will hook up with another alcoholic. Sure indeed! I took my kid with me on a trip, right? And she gets out of the car. She's gone for ten minutes, and she comes back with these two dudes. I go, who are these guys with? It's my friends. What friends? We just pulled into town, man. Can I go to a party with these guys? She's like, yeah. Yeah, sweetheart. Anyway, so we're mixing. I'm mixing. And it's funny because Bill even kind of contradicts himself because he says, well, you could go to Greenland and hide out, but an Eskimo is going to show up with booze. You know what I mean? So he's kind of saying, hey, you're going to be mixed in anyway, so you might as well. And the other thing, when I take a couple of drinks, see, the outside of you disappears. I take it. I take just a couple or drinks and your job goes, the clothes you wear, what you do, what you believe in, everything. I take the couple or drink and all of a sudden I see right inside you, just right in the center, and I like you. I like ya a whole bunch. How I even got to the program, total mistake. It was a mistake that I even had here. I'm doing all that stuff that I'm doing. You know what it talks about in the book? It says the alcoholic life becoming the only life we know. I didn't know any better. I'm hanging with other alcoholics. We've got that little thing, that little attraction thing where we attract other alcoholic and they're doing what I'm dealing. And sometimes, you know, we talk about waking up here, waking up and coming awake. Sometimes I think it's a shock that we even wake up at all. Wake up at All because the people we attract are just like us. It's like a bunch of pigs in a sky and we're all down in there. And all of a sudden, one of the pigs sticks his head up and goes, do you smell that? He's like, no. I can't smell it. I'm looking. Everybody's the same as me. My friends are getting in fights, going to jail, stealing each other's cars, sleeping with each other girlfriends. We're all doing the same thing. It doesn't seem out of the ordinary to me. Somebody would come up and go, Jack, you peed your pants. Yep. Just a little up front. But look at you, you loser. You got it going down both legs, loser. And I'm looking at you. I'm hanging with those drunks. Here's how I got to the program. I'm at my mom's house. I'm living at my Mom's. A friend of mine gets busted outside of Mother's house on a cocaine trafficking charge. And it was pretty funny. And I was happy that he was going down. I don't like him. He's got a big mouth. And I would say, I'm glad he got arrested. he goes to court now when he goes to court this weird miracle happens and this is an opinion I will warn you I've got a lot of opinions but I will warn you some people give you opinions but don't warn you that they're opinions I'm gonna this is one I believe that more alcoholics are created in court than anywhere else in the world it's not the first drink it's not the local bar it's court court because hundreds of thousands of us go into court every day Non-alcoholic. And we get in front of the judge. The judge goes, Mr. Smith, you're looking at a year's sentence. But if you're an alcoholic, you could do a 90-day treatment program. I'm an alcoholic. Everybody except one guy. Let me tell you, no matter what you say, my friend Scott Redman used to say, he goes, Jack, I can't stand it. They come up to me and they all want to criticize me after I talk. Anyway, it's funny because Alki's always got something to say. I said that at a meeting one day, that little joke about the Alkis in court. And a guy comes up to me after the meeting. He's tattooed from the neck down. He walks up to him and he says, I did the year, dog. Well, then you're a stupid alcoholic. That was really fun. If you don't got enough sense to cop a plea to get out of jail, You better come on up in here and work some steps, my friend, because you're not going to make it out there. Anyway, so that's what my friend says. He says, help me, help Me. And they say, okay. They send him to treatment. They go to treatment, you panel workers, you guys get up there and you get those, you know what you do with those treatment centers? You get up and you give them all healed up and pumped up and that's what happened to my friend. He gets all healed off and they kick him loose and he comes back like every other reformed man in the world, what happens when they get reformed? You guys got them all pumped full of God and the steps. And what's he want to do? He wants to come back up at the house and save the neighborhood. That's what's going on. And who's his first stop? My mother's house. Stop number one. I get this. Hey, what's up, dude? You got a problem, man. I go, what? And he goes, you've got a problem, dude. He goes, you're an alcoholic. I go, no, I'm not. I live with my mom. Let me tell you what was going on at mommy's house at the time. Uh, I got warrants out for my arrest. I always have warrants up for my arrest. That's how you pay tickets. You know what I mean? You're a fool if you go in for one. It's like, that's like going to the market for one item, man. And you know what I'm saying? You wait. You get a couple. And then when they stop you, they'll give you a ride down. Sometimes they throw in an apple, maybe a bologna sandwich. You don't got to wait in line. They take you right up front. And the judge gives a bulk raise when you come in for a couple end up. So I got warrants out from my wrist. Big deal. I got people trying to kill me, both real and imagined. Both types. I always tell guys that are going to go out and relapse, don't call your friends over to help you on imaginary chill you guy night. Because when they come over on imaginary kill you guy tonight, it's real hard to get them back for the real thing, man. You know what I'm saying? It's like, no, they're out there. I swear to God they're up there. Just lay down, Jack. Just laydown, man, you know. So I got one step on my left, people trying to kill me both real and imagined. I get a girl pregnant. I was a big fan of multiple dating, and so I get her pregnant, and I say, come on, move in. Let's have the baby. Move in with my mom and me. Come on, let's move in here. So I move her in. I'm 26 years old with the mental capabilities of a 12-year-old, and now I'm going to be a dad. So, I move her in, and at the same time I move in, I meet an underage girl on the street, a girl of questionable age. How about that? A girl of questionable age out on the street and I take her to Mexico and marry her. That's what's going on at mommy's house. And this guy is telling me I have a problem. Anyway, and real quick, man, I hate that I have to do this every time. Real quick on that questionable age thing. I tell that story in the South. They don't even get it. They don't even think it's funny. So, but they don't think that joke's funny, but anyway, so, but it's so funny. I sit in rooms with you guys. I sitin' in rooms wit' ya. You got warrants. You drive into your families are mad at you again and out of prison to jail to 502s, all that stuff you get, and I say, I marry an underage girl, and I always see a whole bunch of people go, scumbag. Judge not, my friends. Anyway, and God's paying me back. He gave me two daughters. So that's his little joke. That's like, that's a little joke, and one of them is one of us. So anyway, and the little one is oneofus too, but she's not old enough to buy booze yet. She's only nine. So it's coming up. But anyway, so that's what's going on at my mom's house, and this guy's telling me I've got a problem. It's like are you kidding me? And he goes come to a meeting with me. I go a meeting? A meeting of what? What kind of meeting? We go, slow stop meeting. Come to a meeting. I'm going, well, I don't need to go to that. I'm not going to that, right? And we're arguing in the front yard. And I remember we're on the sidewalk. We're arguing back and forth. He's going, go to a meet. I'm like, no, no. Go to a meetings. No, no ,no. We're back, back, back and fourth, right. Finally, I say, okay, I'll go. Now, I got a good idea why I said I'll go because I'll say anything to get you off my back. Anything, including I'm an alcoholic. Sometimes I got a real problem. Opinion, warning you. I have a real problem on these meetings when we have these meetings and we're so quick to have the newcomers say they're an alcoholic, they're alcoholic, alcoholic. We push them into saying they're in alcoholic. But half of them, they don't even have any idea what they're claiming. They just didn't. I'm an alcoholic. Alcoholic. Alcoholics. They're just claiming. No, I care what being an alcoholic is. And they're just claiming it. I had an old guy sit next to me one time, 50 plus years. We're going around in a circle. Everything's nice, nice. I go, I'm jacking on an alcoholic. He leans over and goes, do you know what you're claiming? It's like, hey, get a coffee, old man. I just said it. Leave me alone here, bro. Anyway, I had no idea what I was claiming. And half of these guys around don't have any idea what they're claiming. Sometimes in meetings we have the newcomer get up and get a chip. We say, if anybody's new, come on, get up a chip, get a ship, right? And they come walking up, they get a shift, and they're smiling, and They're like, yeah! And they're going back. Do you know why they're happy? Because they don't know what they have. If they knew what they had, they wouldn't be happy about it. Frightening. Could you imagine going in? This is a terrible disease. I've lost a lot of friends. But could you imagine walking to a doctor's office and the doctor says, oh man, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You got this slow kind of disease thing just eating you up. You got like six months to live. But here's a chip. you keep coming back. Yeah! Could you imagine how frightening that would be? Do you know that there's a story in the big book where the doctor even says that? He said, well, I'm not a religious man, but hey, you better start praying, bro. I mean, I don't know about you, but I'm a hypochondriac. That would frighten the death out of me, man, you know? Anyway, these guys, they don't even know what they're claiming. They claim an alcoholic, alcoholic, alcoholic. If you're claiming alcoholic and you're brand new, what you're claiming is you've got a fatal disease. A fatal disease. That's a disease that's going to take you out. Do you? A frightening scary disease. If you're saying you're an alcoholic coming in here brand new what you are basically saying is I've got gun against my head. The trigger is cocked. There's a bullet in the chamber. That gun is going to fire and the only person who can stop that gun from firing is God and you don't got one. How does that feel? Frightening. Frightened. When guys wake up and really realize what they're facing and what they are dealing with, they never ever need a Nazi sponsor again in their life. Never. When you wake up, and you realize that you got a fatal disease, and we might have the answer for you, I guarantee you'll be busting your ass to get in the meeting. Busting your arse to get up in here. Anyway, I'm arguing with this guy. Arse isn't bad. Anyway, so I'm, I'm argument with this guys back and forth about what it would mean. I say, I'll go. Fine. I walk away from him. And when I turn away, I had an awakening, a small spiritual awakening or a moment of clarity. When I walked away from my friend, I thought, how often have you been loaded lately? I thought about it every day, every day. I've been drinking every day for as long as I can remember. I've been drinking, taking pills, smoking a little weed and whipping Pam for as long as I can remember every day. And I woke up just a little bit, just a new bit. Thank God it was only just a Little Bit. Could you imagine for the guys that have been around here a long time? Could you image if you woke up completely your very first day in Alcoholics Anonymous? I mean really woke up. Could you Imagine how frightening that would be? It would be like, yes, and at the break we have cookie, coffee, and rope for the new man. You can hang yourself or go one more day, champ, whatever you want to do here. Because when you wake up to this deal, it is frightening and it is sickening. And I don't care how long you drank. You can have someone here that's only drank for a couple years or years or a little bit or whatever. It doesn't matter. Because if you have the disease of alcoholism, which is selfishness and self-centeredness, The root of our problem. If you have that disease, then chances are you have spent a life making decisions based on self-will that are now coming back to haunt you. When you wake up to that, and I don't care how long you've been drinking, you've Been doing that and you come in here lost love, lost chances. I hear guys say stuff at the podium one time, he goes, don't worry about it, your family's going to come back. That's one of the promises. That's not one ofthe promises. Our families don't always come back! Do you know the damage that we do to people around here? You get guys sitting in here, they're sober and they're still not awake. I see guys here sober and there's still clueless to what they've done to the people that love them. Clueless. I hear guys saying, oh, I paid for my seat here. I paid from my seat. Let's ask your wife how much you paid for it, bro. Because I'm pretty sure she wrote a huge check for that seat you're sitting in right now. I know my mom paid for mine. My kids paid for mind. Anyone that ever loved me or knew me paid dearly for the seat I'm occupying. in Alcoholics Anonymous. When I wake up to that, I see guys that are asleep all the time. I walk out of the prison, go talk to these guys down in prison and I see this guy, I go, how's it going? He goes, oh, it's going great, Jack. You're in prison? Are you... What? You're imprisoned? What? You're imprisonment, sir. It's not going great. same deal walking to recovery house how's it going bro ah it's going great man page 449 or whatever it is now I don't know anyway it's doing great man hey I think you're sleeping in a room with eight other dudes last time I checked that wasn't cool how great's that and it's funny people talk around here so much about acceptance I'm accepting I'm accepted I'm excepting please stop please stop So you get guys mixing acceptance with approval, and you get guys approving stuff they should never be okay with. You get guys approiving with the fact that they owe child support all over the place, that they're not seeing their kids, that they are not at home, that there away from their families, they are doing all this stuff. They are in full acceptance. Well, maybe if you weren't in full acceptance, maybe if you weren't okay with it, maybe if it really hurt down inside, maybe you would stop doing it. Maybe if it hurt so bad, you start paying that support and going back to those kids and seeing your family if it hurt enough. A friend of mine told me one time, I'm down at Chino. That's one of the prisons by my house. I'm going to visit with him. He goes, I am getting out. I come back the next month. He is back in. I go, dude, what happened? He goes. Ah, I gave a dirty test. They gave me six months. He goes but I can do six months Holmes. I go dude. I go as long as you can do 6 months, you are going to keep doing 6 months. It is not until you can't do 6 weeks anymore. Anymore. that the thought of doing six months is so unacceptable that you're going to get off your ass and start busting this program. I woke up a little bit. Thank God I saw just the drink, and I didn't see the horror around me. I didn' t see all the damage they had done. I remember when we had that terrible tsunami, you know, a few years ago, and it was so terrible. And the first reports, you now, they weren' t so bad. The first reports we got on the mainland, it wasn' t still bad. They said, oh, we lost so many people. And that was day one. But then it got worse and worse and worst as it went on. They saw more and more destruction. And that's what it was like when I came into AA. I'm on this tidal wave of craziness, and I'm drunk, and I don't know what's going on, and I am washed up into AA, and it drops me off on this mountain of AA, and that water starts to recede. And when it recedes, it pulls some pills out of my hand and the bottle out of this hand, and it starts sucking back. And when its starts sucking all of a sudden, a little bit of wreckage. More wreckage, more wreckage... I lived at my mom's. I was married to an underage girl. I had a daughter that I didn't see. I had father whose death I was blamed for. The wreckage was devastating. Thank God, I only woke up a little bit that first day. I said, I'll go to the meeting. I went to the meet-up. The meeting I went through was the Rap Center in downtown Long Beach. It's the kind of meeting where you push your shopping cart up out front and go inside. You know what I mean? One of those. If a girl had most her teeth, I was stoked. It was like one of those meetings, you know. So, and I mean, mine are all busted out too. So anyway, so, and I remember walking into that first meeting, I walk in there and mommy gave me a little money for a coffee or something. Sweetheart, you want to get a sandwich or something after the meeting? Yes, mother. Giving the money, so. You know, and real quick on a little ADD moment here. Do you know when I really realized I was sober? Was when I went to visit my mother and she went to the bathroom and her purse was sitting on the table. I have never seen that item unattended in my life. When I'd go to visit my mom, she'd walk around with a purse on her shoulder. It's like, where are you going? I'm just going upstairs, sweetheart. So when I saw that person attended, I knew she knew I was sober. I almost ripped her off just to make her feel wanted. But anyway, so I walk in that meeting. I got nothing. I've destroyed my whole life. It's a total mess. I walk into that meeting, mommy gives me a couple bucks. I walk to that first meeting. I look around, loser, scumbag. I know that dude from school. You never get loaded with you, bro. And I'm not like you guys. And let me tell you why I'm not like your guys. Because I'm a Cary Grant visiting drunk guy. I'm smooth drunk. That's what I am. I go to a bar and I get a drink in me and the first thing that gets me is right here on the top of the cheeks and they start getting tingly right here on the top. And I have another drink and all of a sudden I start smiling. Another drink, a bigger smile. I put another drink in me and I want to wrestle you. You want to wrackle? A couple more drinks in me and I take a walk. It's night. I'm heading down the street. I see a light on. So I come up and knock on the door. Hey! Hey, sun a light on. Who are you guys? What are you doing in there? I'm a visiting drunk guy. That's what I am. You throw a drink at me and I like you, man. Give me a drink and a pill. I love you. Oh, I loveyou so much. You give me a drank, a pill, and a line of cocaine, I want to start a business with you, bro. You take that out of me, and I want you dead. Now! I didn't get it. And I come in here, and I hear all these horror stories in the meeting, man. But then what I heard, and I don't know if I could have heard anything else. But you wanna know what I've heard in those meetings? I heard pride. Pride, pride, pride. Pride, another strange phenomenon. Do you know that Alcoholics Anonymous or anything with an anonymous thrown on the end of it is the only place in the world where people try to be the worst? Are you aware of that? It's crazy. It's like people try to be the worst in here. It's so nuts. You hear guys going, I used to get up at 6.55. By 7 a.m., I've drank in five discs of booze. Defecated in my pants. And combed it up through my hair. And then you get his buddy standing up and his buddy goes, That ain't so bad. I eat meat, my dude. What? I mean, you get guys in here wearing homeless like a badge. I was homeless. Prison like a bat. I've been arrested 182 times. I've lost 18 families. I have kids in 50 states. What? I mean, you get these guys talking all this crap and it's crazy. And you know why they do it? I finally figured out why they did it. You know why he do it because they don't want to tell the truth. They don't wanna tell the true. It's a lot easier to brag about jail and brag about beating people and drunk and this and this. It's so much easier than to tell them the truth Think about those old Westerns you see. Remember those old westerns? The guy in black, the bad guy, and he breaks into the bar and he's got the guns out and he kicks the door open. He doesn't walk in there and go, I'm the most self-centered, selfish person in this room. I dare anybody in here to be more self-absorbed than I am. Because that's really what we're talking about here. You can pass all the jail, all the drunk, all that stuff. We're talking About Self-Absorbed Grandiose Little Crybabies. And that just doesn't sound as good out on the yard. And the sad thing is... Do you want me to wait? Sometimes they get mad at me and they say, slow down. Your talk is fast. Anyway, so. And the sad thing is with all that pride, do you know how many people we run out of Alcoholics Anonymous because of that? You go to these meetings and it's horror story, horror story. How many people do you run out AlcoholicsAnonymous because of that I see it all the time. You guys ran my dad out of here. My dad came in on a court card. Court card. Went into his first meeting. Heard this guy say, I got arrested. All these times. And all these times, my dad said, I only got arrested once and it was a mistake. Then they say, I lost jobs, couldn't hold jobs, million jobs, millions of jobs. My dad came through the depression. He said, i've always put food on my family's table. I have always fed my family. And then you hear guys saying, I left my family, lost this, lost that. I'm just bragging on this. My dad said I didn't lose my family there at home right now. They're scared to death, but they're back there waiting for me right now, none of that stuff. That's what my dad came back with. You know what? I wish you heard what the big book says about what is and what is not an alcoholic. The chapter is agnostic. We've talked about the chapter agnostics. It comes out of the title that we got tonight. The chapter's agnóstics makes it very clear. Chapter 4, page 44, line 3, it says, I hope we're clear on what and what isn't an alcoholic, because when you want to stop drinking, can you stop entirely? And if you are drinking, how's the control thing going for you? It hasn't got a damn thing to do with jail. It doesn't have a damn thing to do with losing jobs, losing families. It says, can you stop when you want to stop? And if you're drinking, can You Control It? Very simple. Do you know there's no difference between a housewife that has three glasses of wine every day? The kids come home on Tuesday and they say, Mom, we don't like you like that. Please, Mom. Don't do that. Don't go. Don't it. And she looks at those babies with all the love in her heart and she says, Sweetheart, I won't do it. I swear to God I won'T do it Wednesday comes. She does it anyway. No difference between her and a bum laying in an alley with crap in his pants sucking on a short dog. It is the exact same disease, and we run people out of Alcoholics Anonymous because of our pride. And I hear guys say stuff, well, if we run them out, they'll come back. No, they don't come back! I've been on the firing line for the last 19 years and 10 months, and I can guarantee you they don'T come back ! I see them dead all the time. All the time! So I walk into that meeting, I listen to those stories, I diagnose myself non-alcoholic, and I take off. I'm not like you guys. I'm out of here. I takeoff. And I think to myself, okay, you have been drinking pretty much a lot lately, so you're going to quit. You're goingto quit on your own. And I did quit on my own. I quit a whole bunch of times on my alone. I always quit, start, quit, star, quit start. I was one of those guys. And one of the times I got 30 days, 30 solid days. No meetings, no God, no nothing, 30 days. It was October of 1988. We just passed that anniversary. street. And on my 30th day, I got a job as a bartender because I thought that'd be a good job. A friend of mine hit me up and on the way to work, I stopped by a friend's house to pick up some mushrooms for another friend. I was being of service at the time. So I'm sitting there and my mushroom dealer says, how's it going, Jack? I go, oh, it's going real good, man. It's going real good. I got 30 days. Mom's good. Underage girl's good. She moved. I don't know where she is. The baby's gone. I woke up one day, they took the baby. I didn't know. The lady's gone. They left. They're not there. Everything's good! I got a new job. 30 days, everything. Is that your bong? Bam! Cunning, baffling, and powerful, alcohol disguised itself as a skunk bud, and he hid in this dude's bong. I love that. The old guy's always good. Is he talking about drugs? No, sir, I'm not talking about drug. Anyway. So I reach out and I take a bong hit. And I come to with the bong in my mouth. I think, oh, my God. I just took a bONG hit. Here, I'll tell this guy. I'm sober. I'm stone. Bam. That's that. Do you know that the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about that? Not bong hits. That's not in there. You have to look for that. But what it does talk about in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is, it talks about strange mental blank spots while sober. Sober blackouts. Frightening. You hear the new guy and he'll say, well I have no mental defense against the first drink, no mental offense, no mental expense. Because he says it because he's supposed to say it and we love hearing him say it. But he has no idea what no mental defence means. No mental defence mean you weren't even thinking about it. Do you know that no is a mental defense? It's a very weak mental defense. No, that's a mental offense. But at least you were thinking about it. I wasn't thinking about nothing. I reached out and all of a sudden, boom, there it is in my hand. The big book's loaded with those stories. Walked into a market, came out drunk. Went in to get a sandwich, came back drunk. Pound on my head on the bar, had no idea what happened. No idea. A sober blackout. And your guys talk all the time, I'm blacking out. Big deal. And then say, oh Jack, when I was drinking, I was so insane. I'm insane. I'm sneaking around nude and bushes and creeping and sneaking around. I was insane. You're not insane. You're on drugs, you fool. That's not insanity. I mean, God rest, if you gave Mother Teresa speed for two weeks, she'd start building bikes. You know, it's like... It's got nothing to do with this. If you take them to a hospital and somebody's drunk and you take him to a hospital, do you think when you bring them in they go, oh, he's insane, bipolar, blah, blah. No. They wait until you're sober. They wait till you're completely sober. Then the doctor comes in and goes, oh. Well, we've got schizoid, blah-blah-bluh. Then they diagnose. But they wait until your sober to find out if you're insane. Not when you're drinking. The insanity comes when you are sober. I was insane. I had just blacked out with nothing in me. I completely forgot what was going on. One of the guys that raised me back at home, George Davis, was a great old guy, man. I loved him dearly. George died two weeks after his 40th birthday. And he was a very good man. He was a really great old man. He comes up to me one time and goes, Jack, remember we deal with alcohol. Cunning, baffling, and powerful. What's the key word there, son? It's cunning, George. It's this cunning business we have here. No, that's not it. Baffling. Look at me. Clueless baffling, George. Yes, but no, that is not it at all. That's not what I'm talking about. I knew it wasn't it. It's powerful. This is a powerful disease we have her, sir. No, that's not it either. that's all three old men it's remember remember we deal with alcohol remember, remember, remember I forgot anyway so so I reach out I take that bong hit I come through I got the bong in my mouth I say I just took a bong well now what I'm not going back to AA on one bong hit what am I going to do come in here yeah I took a bong hit I surrender I'll be GSR whatever you guys want It's like, I don't think like that. You know what I mean? I think, oh, I took a bong hit. Oh, you overreacted. Overreacting on all that sober business. You've got 30 days. Anybody that can get 30 days surely does not have a problem with boots. And I'm starting to get a little dry from the weed. I need a little drinky poo to wash it down. Well, now I'm drinking and smoking weed, so these mushrooms are surely not going to get delivered. So anyway, I go to work and I was fired. I was hired within a half an hour. It went fast. I'd eaten five grams of shrooms. I went to work. They fired me. And I was out on the street staggering around. I'm staggering around on the Street. And while I'm wandering around out of my mind, God shows up. Now, God that night is riding around inside the body of a buddy of mine. Him and God are out for a little stroll. And he's an AA guy and he sees me and he says, yeah, can I help you? And I go, yeah. And then he takes me to my mom's. I'm losing it. Bro, please, help me. He gets me in the car. He takes me into my mom. When he drops me off, he says we'll talk tomorrow. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. Now, we'll-talk-tomorrow is a very frightening little phrase. won't talk tomorrow is code word for lecture that's what it is code word when my father was stationed down in San Diego and I'd get in trouble up in Long Beach I'd talk on the phone to him and I was in trouble and he'd go we'll talk about this tomorrow that means I'm getting the belt I know what that means I'm going to get yelled at and whipped with a belt I understand that I heard it all the time we'll take care of this we'll be able to talk about this tomorrow when I go to jail and I got bailed out late at night somebody comes get me they said We'll talk about this tomorrow, dude. I know what it means. It means lecture. And here's this guy telling me he's going to talk to me tomorrow. I know it means lecture, fine. Okay, fine, he drove me home. He helped me out, great. I owe him, fine." The next day, he and I are talking on the phone. And we're talking nice nights, nice nights. And he's not saying nothing about me being loaded. Nothing. I go, uh... I go,"Hey, uh, I got us pretty hammered last night, huh?" He goes, yeah. I go, hey, whoo! At the last night, huh, bro? Yep. what i was waiting for is jack you're a loser jack youre a scumbag jack you re an animal jack you are trash loser scumbags animal trash ive heard it my whole life and im waiting to hear it from this guy and hes a we dont drink we definitely dont do any mushrooms aa guy up in here and im waitin for the lecture hes seen me coming in and out of these meetings giving out. He's seen me coming late, hitting the date, leaving early. He'd seen me disrespecting the dating is easy in here. Anyway, he'd seen me disrespectin' all his steps, all his traditions, disrespectin', what saved his life. Saw me doin' it. I'm waitin' for the lecture and it ain't comin'. I go, dude, uh, I blew 30 days, man. I go I lost my job. I got fired. I-I'm back to my mom's, man. He goes, I know, Jack. He says, you know what? You're probably an alcoholic. He goes, if you're an alcoholic, you can't stop drinking. And if you do stop, you can stay stopped on your own power. I wish he was still here, but he's not. Two weeks after that, November 13th of 1988, that guy left these rooms. He tried a drug he had never tried before and he died that night in the car. That man's name was Don Langston and I owe a big chunk of my sobriety to him. When I turned 15, I went to his grave and I made my 15 year chip on his grave. And I looked down at the headstone and I never realized it before that he was only 21 years old. I didn't end up getting sober until January 8th of 1989. And i don't know why that day. I don't why God stepped in. You guys tell me I got to have a relationship with God. My relationship was hide. That was my relationship. I was frightened. But God decided he wanted to have a relationship with me. He ended up pulling the plug. He took the compulsion to drink away from me, but not the obsession. I thought about drinking all the time and thank God for Dr. Bob. I'd read his part in the big book where he said that he thought about drink and all the time too, and then it was okay. And he didn't do it. I learned a lot from that relapse. And I'll tell you one of the first things I learned is this just don't drink crap that you hear around here sometimes when you get the new man coming into Alcoholics Anonymous, If you're brand new and you're beat and you know you've got that gun against your head and you think you're going to die and you know this is all going on, and you come up in here and you are looking for help and you get by somebody that says just don't drink, just get the hell away from them as quickly as possible. That is not the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Nowhere in the big book of Alcoholic Anonymous does it say just don t drink. As a matter of fact, it says go drink. Go get it on. Go get thoroughly convinced. Go get firmly beaten down so you get to the point where you can lay in that bed like Bill did and say God either is or He is not when you get thoroughly beaten to that point. Then you come back up in here and you find somebody that wants to work the steps with you and wants you to get involved. They want you to live and live this program. Do you know that we got a book on alcoholism that doesn't pay out of quit? Have you ever noticed that? The book doesn't tell you how to stop. They already assume you're stopped. frightening. If they thought we were still drinking, there'd be tapering off steps on there. It would be like step one, get enough booze for the weekend. Step two, shut off the phone. Step three, begin to taper. No! None of us on there. They already assume you're drinking. They already assume you're stopped drinking. They don't even approach you with this solution until your head's clear enough to understand it. And then we dive in and we get involved, and we get evolved fast. And we, you better do a hell of a lot more here than just don't drink. Because I'll tell you what happens to my friends that just don'T drink. They just put a bullet in their head. I see it all the time. I just lost a good friend of mine a week ago to that. Beautiful young girl, just closed on a condo. Beautiful girl. They found her dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in her car out in front of that condo. Frightening. She was just not drinking. Did a great job of just not drinking. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is so much more than that. It's busting your ass. It's learning how to get out of self. Those steps are a road map to God and if you don't take them, it is a frightening, lonely place to be. Of course we don't drink. Of curse that. We know that. But you have to do a whole lot more than this. To talk about God really quick I was scared to death about God. I'd been a born again Christian before because I was trying to sleep with one, did with one. So it's like, hey, I love Jesus too, sweetheart. Anyway, you know, it's not true. You know, I'm sorry. I'm honest. Anyway, so I'll say anything. And I was frightened. I knew that any God out there wanted me dead and he just hadn't gotten around to it yet. I was scared to death. And then you guys tell me I've got to turn my will and my life over to carry this down. I'm thinking, what does that mean? What do I mean when I'm listening to that? I'm saying, well, what am I supposed to do? Get a job at Sears? Stop coughing? Don't touch myself below the waist without a washcloth. I didn't know what was going on, you know. I'm freaking out. And I heard this guy say, he said, Jack, stop, stop. He said, look, instead of turning your will and your life over to the care of God, turn your thoughts and your actions over to The Care of Alcoholics Anonymous. Your will is your thought. Your life is your actions. Turn it over to us. Be with us. Learn from us. Phil Wilson said the same thing on page 55 of the chapter of the agnostics. He says, do the work and the belief in God, the deep down belief that's inside us all will appear, but do the works first. It's unbelievable when the new man comes in here and we want him to understand the concept of a loving God. It's frightening. How can they understand that? If we don't come in here unconditional, loving, forgiving, we're asked to understand concepts that we have no frame of reference for. It's like a non-alcoholic trying to understand an alcoholic. It's impossible. They don't understand us. How can you possibly know God when you don't know how to forgive yet? You hear guys staring at you and saying, let us love you until you can love yourself. That completely goes against the philosophy of Alcoholics Anonymous. Let us love YOU until you learn to love someone else. That's the philosophy for AlcoholicsAnonymous. Learn love here. Learn kindness. by doing the steps of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I started to learn these things Emmett Fox said the same thing when he broke down the sermon on the mount he said how can you expect to be forgiven if you don't know what it's like to forgive when you don'T know what IT'S LIKE TO FEEL FORGIVENESS HOW COULD YOU UNDERSTAND THAT CONCEPT I started working with you guys that girl that I had pregnant I had that little girl and I started seeing my daughter after I got sober and at first it was only for an hour I could only take her for an hours and then a day and then weekend And I didn't know how to raise a kid. I'd have my daughter for the weekend, and she'd eat nothing but candy for three days, man. It's like, are you hungry, sweetheart? You want some Skittles or something? What do you want here? You know, it's like I didn'T know what was going on. And I'd give her back on Sunday her hair would be like this, chocolate all over her face. I'd go, here's your kid, babe. Huge fight in the parking lot at the AA meeting, man, so finally, thank God for the women on the program. I hear guys go, I only go to men's meetings. Crazy. How could you possibly learn how to be a man by just going to men's meetings? Because I will guarantee that the women have a whole different idea of what a man is than what those guys do. Yeah, and take it easy, ladies, because we've got a whole other story to tell. We've got quite a different idea what you are, too. So anyway, I'd have my kid on a Friday night, and I'd call my friends, and they'd go, I'd go what are you guys doing? They'd go we're going to the track. I got my kid. They go, you got a stroller? Bring her. What? And the ladies in the front said, no, Jack, you wash your hair. You take care of her, man. You wash her face, comb her hair, throw a hamburger down her throat, change her clothes. She came with a bag. She caught me out of the attack. You guys did. After I'd been sober for nine years, I was nine and my daughter was ten. She had a year more than me. She does not anymore. But anyway, so, and she was living with her mom, and they were going to move, so my daughter was going to have to switch schools. So I went to her mom and I said, can Anna please come and live with me so she doesn't have to change schools? Now this was a woman that I lied to, a woman than I abused, a woman then I fist fought when she was eight months pregnant. There was a night when I came home drunk and I was smelling like another lady's perfume and I came back to the house and she is eight months preganent and we got in a hair pulling fight in the kitchen. She dropped to her knees, holding her stomach and screaming in pain. This is a woman that has the right to hate me for the rest of my life, and if she never came back, it would have to be okay with me. I went to her and I said, could Anna please come and live with me so she doesn't have to switch schools? And she said, yeah, she can come and lives with you. She gave me my daughter, which is unbelievable that woman trusted me with that kid. When my daughter came and lived with me, I cooked for her, I cleaned for her. I did some homework for her. I did stuff. I volunteered at school. We only had one issue. I mistakenly went to school with an F the police shirt on one time. But anyway, so. But I did pretty good. So anyway, they sent me home. Anyway, so we did good, right? Well, one day we're out there and we have a garage separate from the house. And I walk out there to see what the kids are doing. My daughter's out there playing with her friends. And I walked out to see where the kids were doing. And I look out and the garage door is locked. And I twist it, and it's locked. And I go, hey, open up, sweetheart. It's your dad. Open up. And I hear, he's outside. I go what? And there's Ken, right? I go hey, baby, baby. Open up, it's dad. Open up just a minute, dad. He's outside putting that stuff under the couch. Put it under the coach. Put it down. I go whoa. Hey, I go open up. I go it's Dad. Let's open it up. Just a minute. Just a little bit. Just a second, Dad. I'm getting turned out by a couple of 10-year-olds here. So, I'm get mad. I'm gettin' angry. I start poundin' on the door. Let's go! Open the door! I'm 156! Open it! Screamin'. Just a minute. Just a moment. You're gonna have to wait. Just a minutes. Poundin' on the floor. I'm on the doors, screamin'. Rageful. Gettin' turned out by these kids. I had trouble keep my hands to myself. I'm angry. Someone's gettin' their ass kicked. Finally, the door comes flyin' open. The smell of smoke and cheap perfume comes tearing out of there. They're smoking! I come in, the veins are sticking out of my neck. Somebody's getting a beat down on this one. I look across the room, and here is that beautiful little girl's face looking at me, and she is frightened. A look of terror in her face, and I was sickened when I saw the way she looked at me. I started looking back, and I said, no, please. And what came into my heart was the 11th step. A bold and beautiful step. It says we pause when agitated. What used to be the hunch or an inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. We go directly to God. Thank God I didn't have my nose so far up a sponsor's behind that I didn' t know how to make a move by myself. I went to God, I said, God, please help me, please. And God stepped in and said, you got it, Jack, you've got it. and he took away all the hate, all the anger, all the rage for that one second. And I looked at that little girl and I said, sweetheart, I love you. I love You so much. I go, let me tell you what happened to me when I started rolling smokes. I talked to her like one alcoholic talking to another yeah, talking to Another alcoholic. I talked about love and kindness. I talked with empathy and sympathy. And then I said now clean this mess up and get your ass inside. When I walked out of that garage, I was baffled. Baffled by a situation I used to know how to handle. And I thought, what was that? I go, what just happened in there? I didn't walk in that garage and say, I caught you rolling smokes so I'm going to whip you until you can't stand up. I caught your own smoke so I am going to beat you. I'm going to send you to hell. I am gong to give you cancer. I m going to give your AIDS. I going to damn you forever. I said, none of that. I caught you rolling smokes and I love you. And then I thought to myself, if I'm a human being and I loved this little girl so much that I'd never hurt a hair on her head, never harm her in any way, and at any time if she ever said, Father, please, please help me, I'd reach down and I'd pull that little girl to my chest and I do whatever I could for her. And I thought, if I'm a human being and I love this little girl so much, how much does God love me? When I thought that a warmth came over me, it was like a couple of volumes on a Christmas Eve. It was just, it just came over to me. And I realized at that time that I was forgiven. I realized that I would forgive her for anything that I'd ever done. And then I came in contact with a loving, caring God by which I could abandon myself too. A lot of people talk about surrender. The word surrender doesn't even appear in the 164, but it does say abandon. Abandon means to set it down, turn your back, walk away. Set self down, turn your Back, walk Away. And from that point on, that's what I've done. I'll end with this. I'm a Christian now, but I'm not a scary Christian, so you don't got to worry about it. You know, I don't have any opinion on outside issues. It's very rare. So anyway, Okay, so, but I always wanted to be baptized. And I went from church to church looking for what I'd see and hear, you know. And I go into these churches, and my wife would laugh at me. She goes, what do you want to do? Why do you wants to go down there? You want to argue with the priest? Is that why you're going down there, you know? Because I love arguing, right? I love the Jewish philosophy. God is God. Everything else is up for debate. Anyway, so I'm going and going, and I'm looking, but I'm not seeing what I see in here. I hear guys go, well, these lepers got healed a couple of thousand years ago, I'm thinking, well do you guys got any new pamphlets or anything? I mean is there something maybe out of Jerusalem a new pamphlet you got or something, you know. I'm looking because I hear them talk about these lepers but I sit in rooms with lepers I sit In rooms with guys healed. Have you ever seen someone when they come in here and their eyes are just black and their face holes in their face and they're sick and they just walk in and they are just walking dead pariahs no one wants anything to do with them and they walk in here and the spirit comes through them And all of a sudden, they light up and they start helping people. And I'm seeing this just all over the place. I'm thinking, what am I going to do, man? I want to be baptized. I don't know where to go. And I thought, I know what I'll do. I'll get one of these priests in AA to baptize me. You see I'm sneaking around in here sometimes. So I come up to Father Leo. A lot of you guys might know Leo. And he loves me telling this story about him. Anyway, so I come over to Leo. I say, hey, Leo. I go, will you baptize my man? And he goes, oh, I'd love to, Jack baby. You know, and he's real, he's like a little Dudley Moore looking thing. He's always like, get high on me. So anyway, he goes. Oh, I would love to. And he says, you know, anybody can baptize you. I go, what? He goes, anybody could baptize me. Anybody can baptise you. Now, I didn't know that. I don't come from a religious background. I don' t know anything about that. So then I start thinking, well, who do I want to baptize with? My special friend, this guy Jordan. And Jordan is Jewish. I'm thinking, I'll get Jordan to do it. We'll get some robes. We'll go down by the river. Whatever we got to do, you now. And while I'm thinking about this, it's nighttime. And I'm saying, you know what? My little kid's never been baptized. The only one who got baptized didn't do her much good. But I've got a little one now too. And she's never even been baptized yet. So I tell my wife, I say, I'm going to go baptize the kids. She's like, what? I go, yeah, I am going to baptize a kid. So I get this bowl of water and I fill the water up and I say father please bless this water. I say you know I want to do with this water, please bless it. And I walk into my little girl's bedroom at the time she was six years old. she didn't have any teeth little freckles across her nose and she's laying up in her bed and i walk in i say sweetheart can i talk to you about god and she says yeah dad i go do you know how much god loves you she goes yeah i do i go you know we're a big family and it's our job to take care of each other and look after people she says i know that dad i going that's why we bring people into our home sweetheart we help them get back on their feet she sees the people that we put in our home i go we help him get back in their feet we help and get close to god and we help them try to get back to their family. She goes, I know that. I go, do you know how much God loves you? And she goes, yeah, I do, Dad. I goes, and do you mind if I mark you as one of God's kids? She goes no. So I dip my fingers in the water and I say, I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. I lean down and I give her a big kiss and a hug. And I say goodnight. I turn to walk away and I hear this little voice say, can I do you? I go, oh, hit it. Hit it right here. Right here. So I pull the water out and she dips her little fingers in and she said it perfectly. She said, I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. And she pulls my neck down and she gives me a kiss and she says, good night, Father. I ended up getting baptized by my six-year-old. And, you know, I'll tell you, I found God through my older daughter. And I was consummated in that union by my younger daughter. By working the steps in Alcoholics Anonymous, by putting God aside for a bit and working the steps, I learned love. I learned forgiveness. I learned how to be kind. I hear people talk about the promises in here a lot of times. You hear guys stand up here and what is the service they do to the new man? They say, I got money in my pocket. House on the hill. Brand new car. The promises are coming true. They're coming true! Those are not the promises of Alcoholics Anonymous. If your new car is a promise of Alcoholic Anonymous, give it to me and I'll drive new guys around in it. If your house on the Hill is a premise of Alcoholical Anonymous let us stuff it full of drunks. We'll load it full mattresses. We'll fill it full with drunks! Those are NOT the promises for AlcoholicsAnonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous was created in a worse economic situation than this one. People forget that all the time. The promises of AlcoholicsAnonymous are promises of the spiritual, not the material. We don't all get money in our pocket. We don'T all get new cars, new jobs. We lose things in AlcoholicsAnenomous. And I hear people go, well, the message around here is one day at a time. That is not the message. Bill said that's how we work the program emotionally, one day a time, The real message in Alcoholics Anonymous is contented, long-term, useful sobriety through the steps and God. And I want to thank you for having me.