The Power of Simplicity and Truth – Tom F.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Tom Flynn, an alcoholic. And I am not a problem drinker. No, no, no. I am an answer drinker! Alcohol was the answer. booze has taken me to places that National Geographic's never seen didn't even need a ticket, didn't need passport just need good old booze, booze and booze that was the ticket that's the reason I drank, my cousin we go to a bar, we're the same age same background, working for the same company we have three drinks he says to me Tom I'm getting a little woozy and I feel a little out of control and I want to go home and I said Jerry I feel a little woosy and I don't want to I feel sort of excited and I dont want to go home I want to go to town so booze has a totally different reaction on me than it does on non-alcoholics It's that simple. There's probably a lot of other complicated things involved, but mainly they're specialized by people selling things. Alcoholics Anonymous is not selling anything. We are sharing experience. A lot of times we don't know what causes it, But we do say a non-acquaintance with him who knows all things might be necessary. In other words, it's not necessary to have an electrician's license to turn on a light switch. Just click a button. It's that simple. That's how it is for me. Alcohol was a wonderful, wonderful experience with me. I walk into, but I was never invisible, Patty. I never quite made it to invisibility. And of course, Judy, she had some strange trips. She did took two. I never really got to her trips, you know. And John, well, that's between John and God. Oh, Lordy. What an adventure you got in front of you, John. And what a surprise God's going to get. Anyway. Isn't it wonderful to be associated with such people? such people who are a solution to life's situations and that solution is based on experience not theory you people tell me you never tell me what to do you people have always told me what you have done and what happened when you did it most due action in the lives of all people alcoholics and non-alcoholics are prohibited by fear when you tell me what happened when you did it you remove the fear because really is not fear a fear of the unknown when you tell me what happened when you did it you take the unknown and make it known thereby reducing the fear thereby allowing stepping into unknown words that's the importance of sharing experience not theory experience enough of that because I love get off into preaching. It's probably the wrong day for that anyway. I went to my sponsor one time and you know, we all get, do you ever get caught up in recovery? And what I call intellectual seizures. You think you know something. Oh my God. You all laugh because you been there? This is familiar ground. You know something. So I go to Wally, and I want to explain to Wali. I said, Wali, I studied about the Oxford groups, and Oxford groups were trying to put spirituality back into structured religions, you know, that type of thing. And I was starting to learn a little bit about alcoholism, you know, more than I understood. Anyway, and I'm telling Wally this. I said, maybe I should go and take some Oxford Group principles and spread them throughout Christianity. He said, would you be like Buckman, Frank Buckman? I said yes, something like that. And he says, and you're going to educate people about alcoholism, like Hazleton's things? Something like that. What do you think, Wally? Well, Tom, it seems to me at NAA we've got enough preachers, and it seems TO me that at NIA we've Got Enough Teachers. Oh. It seems to ME at Nia we're a little short on doers. he says, so I suggest you go and fill the need. Are you telling me I just have to be a doer? Yeah, that's what I'm telling you, Tom. Well, how do I know what to do? He says, that is what prayer is all about. Have you caught to that yet? Oh, that was what prayer was about. Directions. Yeah. I thought prayer was telling God what I needed. I didn't know. I mean, I was there at 20, you know. Don't want to do this. He said, you praying like that now? I said, yeah, I told God to give me a new car and I'll take some more drunks to meetings. He says, tell me you really didn't say that. I said well no, well yes I did. I told him that. He said, you meant it, didn't you? I said, yeah. He says, I think I've been neglecting you. He said you used to be a businessman, didn' t you? I said yeah. And you try to make a trade with God and you call that prayer? He said let's take a look at that. You're trying to make trade with god. what do you have that God needs nothing he said that's a bad business deal for God he says it's a bad prayer for you what should I do while we I thought he was going to give me a long theological explanation but he gave me AA response stop it that was it I thought it deserved more than two words five is a minimum I got two that's the way it is I used to go into a bar room feeling a little bit less than other guys, right? Sit next to a guy. I drank in some blue-collar bar rooms in South Baltimore. You didn't sit next to the guy and say, I'm experiencing a little fear you would have wore a chair around your neck. Kind of bar rooms. They had longshoremen in there and pipe welders and stuff like that. They didn't have too many British Romanticist poet fanciers in there. It's funny, I know a lot of, you know, romantic poems. And when I was a young guy, 18 and 19, you knew, and I was dating these girls, I would tell them these poems by Keats and Shelley and Lovelace, and I knew them all. and they thought I was so romantic. Well, it really wasn't true and I never saw any use for them until I started to date these girls. What it really was, I was a bad kid and the school I was in would punish me by making me study British Romantic Poetry and I was too bad I got to know a lot of it. That's really true. girl would say to you oh Tom my brother went to jail today and I knew him oh I'd say Alice I'm sorry to hear you your brother went into jail but look at it like this whatever ancient or older poets expressed it years ago it's an affair of the heart stone walls do not apprise and make their iron bars a cage. Mine's innocent and humble. Take that as a hermitage. If I have freedom in my soul, then my heart am free. Oh, and the angels that soar above enjoy such liberty. I know your brother's like that. His heart is still free. Oh, Tom, sick! Ha, ha, ha! Being a bad kid, you can't have some invested interest. Anyway, I'm in these kind of bars, and I come in here and feel a little down and have about three drinks, and I was equal to any guy in that bar. And six drinks, I was definitely superior to all of them put together. That's where Boots took me. It did what it was supposed to do. I told the guy next to me, yeah, I'm the vice president. He didn't care when I was a janitor. Making $100,000? No, I wasn't. I was making $33,000. My lying was mathematically consistent. My lying was consistent and none of the content was true except the math. And that was consistent. It was always exaggerated by 300%. Like I was going to make $100K, Let's make about $35,000. Just multiply it by three. The math is good. I was a great lover, too, when I was drunk. You know how effective that is. I told him I had nine girlfriends. Nine! Five. Oh, he had three. Divide by three? Two didn't know it. And the one that knew it was trying to escape. That's a great lover, isn't he? Yeah, that's right. Great lover. That's how I drank. Now, I got to you guys. Oh, Patty and I belonged to the same home group at my sobriety date. Patty andI belonged tothe same homegroup. Can you imagine that? Anyway. I'll leave it to your imagination. So does Steve. Now I'll leave it to God's imagination. And I got to you guys August 14, 1980 and I've been with you ever since and I went through the steps with the sponsor probably in the first five months I was finished the steps. And that's what I was told to do. I wasn't consulted whether I agreed with it or disagreed. I received no suggestions because my sponsor said I was incapable of making a sane selection. He was right. He was right. Anyway, I got to you guys August 14th 1980 as a result of some direct hits. I didn't come here to AA on account of some near misses. A near miss won't do anything for me. I'm a hard head. I gotta be totally convinced twice. You know, a bullet could whiz past my ear quarter of an inch away and I will admire the hum that's the one hits you right between the eyes it gets my attention what happened you're shot tom oh that's when i got again you're shut down okay i thought i was half shot before i got shot that's how I got here had some direct hits first I was married for 25 years to obviously a patient woman an attractive woman a good woman I wish I had some derogatory remarks I could say about her. But that would be a lie. I don't know of any. She was just a good woman. And I got divorced. I come Irish Catholic background. I'm the first guy in my family and one of nine kids who ever got divorced. My brothers and sisters, they get married. Some for better, some for worse. Some just break even. That's the way it is. that's a direct hit you're divorced trial separation that's near miss you're divorced way bye bye that's direct hit 25 years all we later became pen pals she sent me a bill I sent her a check it's been that way since Eve and it ain't going to change but Tuesday so don't nobody get excited it seems fair to me after all these women do have they have a vested interest in that type of a union direct hit start off a blue collared neighborhood pushing doorbells and wound up in my 29th year as the vice president of a real good-sized mid-Atlantic company, not a vice president, the vice President and treasurer of the corporation. I owned 18% of the stock in the company. What you need, Tom, is a good job. Right. In my 29 years in my 20th year there, this bright, intelligent fellow got fired that's a direct hit a near miss is a letter of reprimand in your personnel file all pass in the Kleenex Tom there's a lot of companies can use Othello if you're talented unfortunately we're not one of those companies and we'd like to have your keys at 2 o'clock this afternoon Bye-bye. That's right there. Made a lot of money. Any time you want to get a good education, make something of yourself. I won an academic scholarship at Johns Hopkins University before my 17th birthday. Lack of knowledge has never been my problem. Lack of power has always been my problem. Lack of a real power, not a synthetic imitation. Education can be used as a power. Money can be used as a power. Force can be used as a power. Persuasion can be used as a power. Law can be used as a power. A lot of things can be used as power. But there's only one power. And lack of that power was my problem. I had money power. I could have retired from working at age 34. I know how to make a living. I have never met an alcoholic who has a history of working who does not know how to make a living I did not know how to live now the ability to make a living and the ability to live are not to be confused for they are not the same thing I didn't know how live successfully. So I got fired from the career job and I went broke. What do you mean broke, Tom? When I got to you guys, you can shake me. I didn't even jingle as broke. I didn't have no reversing cash flow. That's a Washington expression. I think it means and the bum ain't been caught yet. I was broke. Stone broke. I come from living in a five-bedroom, three-bath, big house, four acres, riding my word. All that crap. To live under the last bridge you cross over before you go into Fort McHenry. sometimes at dawn I felt like rising from my second terrace level of sleeping under that double bridge and facing Fort McHenry and saluting the river that's where I lived under that bridge but prior to that I lived in an area called the Lady Valley which is, you know the people who live there think it's sort of ritzy I'm not so sure I lived there a lot of it was a discomfiture in the rectum you got it, huh? came to in a great big old room and in that big old room doors like that was a person big person big person big windows down there and this person was silhouetted against this glass window and that person was really big and I said boy that's a linebacker kind they play for the Eagles or You could get ravaged with somebody. That person got closer, and it was a woman person. She said, whoa, big no-nonsense woman person, huh? That person came up to me. That person come close to me and said to me, what's your problem, buster? Buster? Who in the heck she think she's talking to? And I told her how I used to be a big shot. What a fine education I had. I called her Mr. Nurse. about 6'3 Mr. Nurse said she was impressed but not a whole lot and I told Mr. nurse my problem I told her there was no knob on my side of the door I thought it was architectural oversight laughter Mr. Nurse went on to explain This was a general hospital, and aloud as I was nuts, I had to be kept isolated from other sick patients. That's what Mr. Nurse said. She says I was nutsy. I mean, she skipped the child within and all the other intermediate steps and got right to the point. You're nutsy! Do you think that's what they mean by deflation of ego? Probably so. Probably so. You're nuts. And guess what? Like Patty, I was relieved. I was relieved. Those of you who have been there know exactly what I mean. The pretense was over in it and you knew it was going to be easier and you didn't know why. Isn't that funny? I'd love to stay next to a window and have a guy say to me, where's the window Tom I don't know I'm not an architect I didn't have to know anything what's your name see that nurse there she has the files didn't know nothing loved it had a great time got rid of my watch I didn' t know what time that was fun I guess it was like bathing at a nudist colony or something so there's some direct hits there and they hit sort of hard but they don't hit deep the stuff that hits deep is the stuff that does the damage the stuff that hits deep is when you're looking into the eyes of a person who trusted you and forgave you or me long beyond a reasonable series of events or multiples of time. We're looking at that person and trying to convince him it'll be different again when in our own heart we're not so sure that we can deliver on the promise. although we want to we're just not so sure and we have to be careful even how we move because we know there's a sharp dagger already plunged in our heart from past experiences so we have to move very gingerly and I broke that solemn promise one more time and the dagger already plunged in my heart gave a violent twist and the pain was so tense I was stunned in the silence couldn't even holler stunned numbed and after about a month I made a promise to a God I did not trust and only to myself so I wouldn't hurt these other people around me anymore I was not going to tell them about it if I broke that promise I wouldnít break their hearts anymore and I broke that one too the promises I broke to the people who trusted me whose greatest fault was they got close to me and loved me is the measure of my guilt and the promise I broke to God who I didn't trust into me is the measure of my shame. So when I got to you people, I was divorced, fired, broke, nuts, crushed by the guilt of broken promises, shredded by shame, laying on the sidewalk of life and I rolled off into the gutter in that condition I came to Alcoholics Anonymous I didn't come here to join no damn debating society I didn' t come here to join any philosophical club I certainly didn' T come here to do any theological studies see I came here because there was absolutely no other place to go absolutely because all the other places to go to I had already been to And like everybody who ever got here, I was hopeless. Hopeless is to have used up all ideas of solution before we get here. No hope. Everything you know failed. That's hopeless. That's helpless. When you're hopeless, suicide doesn't look bad. People say, oh, suicide, what a terrible thing. That's a lot of crap. That's not a crap. They ain't never been there. It's not what it looks like on the outside unless you've been there, see? Suicide ain't all that bad. Depends what you think of the alternate. How about if the alternate is hopeless? Suicide looks real logical. That's what I'm saying. Those of you who have been there know It's the truth. You know in your heart. In this condition, I come to Alcoholics Anonymous. And as John touched on earlier, thank God for the people here. Not all of them. Well, thank god for them because you learn how to use everybody. You don't learn how. You learn that god does not waste anyone. That's what you really learn. In God's economy, even a guy like me is not wasted. That's how frugal God is. I go to a first meet and I'm about five days out of the nuthouse. I'm standing back by the door because I don't know whether to come in or go out. And if you go in, where do you sit? I don' t know. So I'm hanging by the door Hoping somebody else that looks fairly new and lost And I'll follow him Something like that So I am hanging around there And there is some guy up here He's saying Yeah, I'm sober five years That guy is about 35 I'm sobre five years Life sucks I'm hangin' in there My wife is a bitch My boss is a jerk And I'm the only good driver in Virginia and if you want what I have I'm four days out of that house I don't even want what that bum has well I gotta come here five years to be a professional pitcher I don' t think that's a good investment he told me well I'm telling the truth you ain't telling the true you belong dead and you don't know it there's not an ounce of gratitude in your whole body. Not an ounce of gratitude. That is not recovery. It's not even honesty. It's an ungrateful sucker who is sober. That's all it is. I'm sure his wife says, I wish the bum would drink. some of us having been sober but without recovery for a while have heard certain comments of that type because it is true that's not recovery so I look around for a sponsor and I get this guy Wally he's sober 16 years at the time I looked at his eyes. He asked me, how are you? And he looked at me. He did not look over my shoulder to see who more important came through the door. And he waited patiently for me to answer him. And automatically I knew that the conversation between that man and me was going to be direct. I don't know what told me that but you know the feeling when the alcoholic looks right at you they don't look over your shoulder you know I knew so I asked him to sponsor me he said he could use a nut like me I didn't even tell him about my nut papers yet he knew and he asked me are you an alcoholic yeah I'm an alcoholic he wanted to know yeah I am an alcoholic do you think you can recover on your own no I don't think I can recover on my own do you need help yeah well I need a lot of help that's good we'll just give you what you need are you willing to follow this direction that is to go to any lengths yeah Wally I'm willing to go to any length I didn't know what any length was but yeah seemed about the best way to go that's what I told him you know I don't know what to say you didn't know what any length was either no more than me but you said yeah so did I most of us do they took me through the steps the steps are extremely simple i'm here and i've i've been around if you can see looking at me i've been somewhere a while but i've come to certain certain beliefs that a lot of people who make things complicated generally are people selling stuff do you ever notice that if you're going to sit in a bar room or sit anywhere and tell somebody a lie, it's going to take a lot of explanation, ain't it? And do you ever notice if you're going to talk to the same person and tell them the truth, it don't take nearly as long? You think there's any correlation between brevity and truth? Might be. Might be You think there's any correlation between truth and simplicity? Might be do you think there's any correlation between truth and God I'm sure there is so I believe that simplicity is one of the characteristics of a loving father for people who are not interested in selling anything but rather sharing experience saying only it's their point of view that's all they do not claim to be right see it's that simple first step remitted we're powerless over alcohol our lives are unmanageable Tom yeah Wowie do you think you can drink successfully no Wowie Tom yeah Womie do you think that God helped me get sober yeah boy do you think he might do the same for you if you say so I say so yeah boy I believe are you willing to turn your life over to this God or any power you can conceive of for direction so you can continue this journey yeah I'm willing to do that okay now that we've done the first three steps we got to remove some of the blockages quickly you know what you're afraid of yeah well I know write it down I gave you a little chart he took it right out of the big book You know who you don't like for a long time. That's called a resentment. As far as I know, Tom, there's only two sexes or sex actions, you know. The kind that we admit and the kind that we don't. So there may be a third kind, Tom. I've been off the firing line for a while if there's a third kind I got an open mind you can tell me about it so much for the fourth step do you think that you've done anything that anybody else in the world has never done oh no well I know I'm a sinner but I don't think I'm a creative sinner So you think other human beings have beaten you to it? Yeah, well... I was just de-uniqued. I'm no longer unique. Oh, shit. I had one thing going for me. I was unique. I just lost it. Now, Tom, have you been working on your character defects? Yeah, Wally heard people say you work with your character. He says, that's ridiculous, isn't it? I said, yeah, Wally. I didn't know why I said yeah, but it seemed yes. And he says, you said yeah because you knew intuitively a sick mind cannot fix a sick mind. You don't work when your character defects. You ask God to remove them. If your effort could have removed them years ago, we would not be having this conversation. which one do I ask all of them suppose I got one good characteristic he says what's your book say he talks to me like I got a different copy of the book than him, what's you're book say laughter did you ever get that what's yo book say he says all of em that didn't make sense you know If I've got one foot, I've gotta let go of that too. He lets me hang there for a couple seconds like a good sponsor and then he says, if it is good, God will send it back. Ooh. And then when he's finished, he says that saves you from doing the picking for you cannot differentiate the true from the false. A merciful God will pick for you if you give him your free will and say, God, I'm a little bit fucked up. Oh, I can't say that. No. I'ma little bit differently arranged, and I don't know how to pick here what you did of picking for me. that's what I have to do see so I ask God to do the picking for me because my pickers broke makes sense doesn't it simplicity isn't it look at the clarity that comes with simplicity and you know it because you've experienced it this must be mixed with experience please I'm not rewriting the steps here. I'm injecting my experience and the experience of other men and women with our literature, not in spite of it. What else do we have? Well, there are some people you screwed over, Tom. Yeah, Wally, but they screwed up. Well, we're only interested in doing your unscrewing. That's all. They have to take their own carpentry lessons on their own. That's up to them. You will find, Tom, when you go out and you offer forgiveness and you author restitution and you offer amends and you ofter a proposition of a new way of treating people, that some things you didn't bargain for, you will get as gifts from God. When you forgive, you find that you are forgiven, not when you demand justice. You are forgiven. The world will tell you, oh, you have to learn to forgive and forget. Bullshit. you've been trying that all your life and so it don't work does it AA will tell you the truth you learn to forgive you don't have to forget for if you have truly forgiven remembering no longer brings pain that's the truth You have to find, Tom, that when your life is screwed up, is it generally your fault, Tom? Yeah, it's based on some decisions I have made. It's not the fault of the internal revenue. Well, who filled out the form? Who put the numbers in? the sponsors they ask the damnedest questions don't they they won't let us even get like a comfortable lie in you know what i mean they'll let us get a lie in but they make us feel off embarrassed by it they have a knack of doing that so later we got to tell them the truth it's like having a time bomb on it you don't know when it's going to go off that's what they do to us so what do we do you see if the problem is within me Wally about everything then is it possible that the answer is within me too in the same location now you're getting it Tom the answer is within you it's like having a coin next to your heart it's got heads and tails If you can see heads, I guarantee you turn over, you'll see tails. It's extremely simple. And that's a blessing. First, I thought it was a curse. I'm responsible for everything, you know. She did this, he did that. But you do. I'm responsive for everything. That means if the unmanageability in my life is your fault, I can't do a damn thing about it unless you're willing but the unmanageability in my life is my fault I can do something about it as soon as I'm shown how and am willing whoa what a freedom huh you must cop an honest plea and then you're free very simple you know that's what that's all about well Wally I told you I didn't know how to pray just ask God for direction that's how you do I say a prayer every morning I say them real long prayers yeah I can say the Lord's prayer in five languages you know did I ever tell you about that little girl she used to go to did the Long Island and she went to New York with her mother every Wednesday She was only about four or five, I don't know. And her mother would teach her the Lord's Prayer. That's the only prayer she knew. But she was a fast little girl, you know, and so she would pray fast. It reminds me of a lot of people praying the same way they go through the rosary. I just do that. And when he got to the part of the Lord'S Prayer, like, lead us not into temptation, you now. She was saying to her mom, leave us not in Penn Station. She used to get the train with her mom. That's what she was saying. She freaking left the pet station. That's the way she saw it. I thought it was sort of neat. You know, my brother, I can't meditate. I tried that yoga crap one. Man, I threw out my hip and all that kind of shit. I went to Wally. Wally, I don't know. I can not meditate. Yes, you can. You can meditate, Tom. I tried, Wally. I told you, I can't meditate. Yes,you can. He said, did you ever see a girl you really liked? Sure, Wale. Sure did. Did you ever think about her all day or pretty much all day? Yeah. Yeah, I did that. Sure. See? You're meditating. now we're going to teach you how to change the subject you already know how to meditate cut through the crap did you ever see a dress that you saw in a store and you thought about it all day yes you can meditate we'll teach you how to do that how to choose the subject it's very very simple the truth is always simple Because it's real close to God. Complicated things are man's interpretation of the truth. That's a crap shoot. And we get to the 12th step. What's the purpose? Why do we get sober? I just want to do the next right thing. Oh, listen, that sounds nice. Oh my goodness gracious. And give me a box of Wheaties too. What a crock. Any alcoholic I ever knew has no idea of priorities. And we can't separate the true from the false at all times. So we really don't know what's next. And we don't own what's right. Outside of that, good luck with doing the next right thing. That's not the primary purpose. Primary purpose of getting sober is not to get a library card. Here's some of these people talk about it. Some of these women, I think their virginity returns. I wonder if it bothers him much oh these guys become saints too they hate picking on the girls you hear them and I think they're defrocked monks or something like that ain't no difference Our primary purpose is to be a maximum service to God and the people around us. When I say the people round us, it means all people. Now we have a special talent for the alcoholic because we are one. And if you're going to share experience, hopefully you will share experience with something you have experienced. That makes sense, doesn't it? Like, I don't share experience with moonwalking. I have never walked on the moon. Really? Delusionally, yes, of course, sometimes. Of course. But never. That's the primary purpose. What happens? What happens when we do this, this real plain stuff? The other things that the civilized world holds to be important happens in our lives as a result of these principles in our life. A wife becomes a better wife. A husband becomes a better husband. An employee becomes a better employee. A citizen becomes a better citizen. But these are not the aims of recovery. They are the byproduct of people living by proven principles of successful living. They are collateral benefits, but they are not the primary. That is the primary purpose of sociology. Get a library card and pet a dog. It's true, Patty. We have one purpose. Christ talks about the single eye. Most people, you've forgotten that. I'm not even a churchgoer, but I admire what the man said because he told the truth. We call it the singleness of purpose, don't we? Can you live in a commercial world? Can you do it successfully? Am I advocating that you live only by spiritual principles and that you live in the desert, eat beetles? No. There are people who believe it. There's nothing wrong with that. The beetles don't like it much. But anyway. I had to find out. That's the question. Alright Flynn, you got some principles Can you live by those principles in a world whose main principles are the acquisition of money, property, and prestige and the belief that the sufficient acquisition of those items will bring happiness if properly managed? That's a whole different value system. And it looks like it's in conflict. And if you try to put them both in first place, it is in conflict, it is exactly what it looks like but if you put spiritual values in first place believing all other values will follow then there is no conflict instead of being like this it's like this if you pursue this you can have this if you pursuit this spiritual and put this under you can add it all are you sure at that time yes what makes you so sure tom i tried it i tried in 1987 and i have not stopped i was sober about seven eight years then i quit the went back i quit this company well they hired me back anyway they went through a couple guys they didn't do a job on that bullshit so then he brought me back and i got rolling real fast again but i said i got to get out of here because this money business ain't going to do it for me. And I asked myself the same question you're asking yourself there tonight. Can you do it in the world with these principles? And I wasn't sure, just like you. So I quit this company in my 38th year there. I didn't retire, I quit. That takes testosterone. And I started a brand new business at age 57 when most morons are thinking about retiring. Retire for what? and we have a business now and we do business in about with banks in at least what 20 states maybe 20 states we do business with banks in 20 states and we're licensed in 3 states and our total advertising budget to bring that up out since 1987 is still under $1 I'm talking to you about the power of attraction, the power of truth and the power principle. The ultimate power. So you have the intentional power that's God's intention for you. You got the condition, the shit you go through. Think of ICU, okay? Was it intensive care unit? ICU? Intentional. Well that's what it is then. It's very intensive care. It is God's intention for you and the conditions of life. And then the final deal is this. God's ultimate power which will always have its way. ultimately God's will will be done so think of it as I see you it's that simple I can give that to you as truth in simplicity because I have been experiencing that about 17 years ok as I told you I am selling nothing it's obvious I'm not selling anything because I'm too plain I would tell you to read my book on this or some shit hell, I wouldn't even read it why would I expect you to I wouldn'T even read if I wrote it because too much of me would be in there I'm just trying to share with you some feelings and ideas that are beyond my comprehension and beyond my talent and beyond my abilities. In order to do that, I have to rely on the power beyond my own power. And I call that power God or truth or simplicity is available to all men and women right now. Thank you.