The Power of Example Over Book Knowledge – Kent C.

I asked Kent because I wanted to hear him. So with no further ado, I'm going to introduce Kent Coleman from, he said, Friday Night in Venice. And I said, what? He said, Venice like Italy. I said I'm goin'. My grandmother always said, anything you do will go better if you pray first. Let's do that. Heavenly Father use me tonight as an instrument of thy will Speak through me So whatever result that you desire here tonight Will be accomplished in all things Thy will not mine Be done And God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change The courage to change The things I can And the wisdom to know the difference Amen So we're in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous I don't know where it is I don' t memorize pages and paragraphs I'm more interested in what I do with what's in that book and knowing where it is. You know, one of the things I was taught when I came to AA is the important thing is not what you do between the serenity prayer and the Lord's Prayer, but what you doing between the Lord prayer and serenety prayer. This is a living program. It's not a talking program. It's thinking program. It's a memorizing program. It's the program of action. But somewhere in our book, it says that certain times the alcoholic has no effective mental defense against the first drink And that except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human can provide such a defense. That defense must come from a higher power. It don't say it ought to come from an higher power, it don't says it might come from higher power it doesn't say should come from the higher power it says it must come from a high power The single most important fact of my life as I stand here tonight in Willoughby is that I got a power in my life that I choose to call God who does for me, one day at a time, what I cannot do for myself. I established and grow in that relationship, one day at the time, through practicing to the best of my ability, which is never perfect, the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous as outlined by the founders in the big book of Alcoholic Anonymous. And that is the reason that I say a prayer before I introduce myself from behind the podium. I want to assure each and every person in this room tonight left to my own devices I surely would have destroyed myself years ago the reason that I'm standing here tonight is the grace of God has made manifest in my life through the 12 steps and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and that's why I pray before I introduce myself is to keep me reminded and grounded and centered in the truth and the truth is simply this the reason that I'm here tonight is to do God's will, not mine. And it also serves to remind me that he is in charge here tonight and as always, thank God I am not. Good evening my name is Kent Coleman, I'm an alcoholic. Honored and privileged to be here I want to thank Beth and the Primary Purpose Group of Alcoholics Anonymous for allowing me the honor and the privilege of speaking at your first anniversary You know, I'm blessed to be able to do a lot of this kind of thing and I want to say that it has never been more thrilled than it is tonight. It never gets old for me. I never stop being grateful for it. I love Alcoholics Anonymous so much that I cannot even put it into words. Alcoholics Anonymous brought me from a meaningless, loveless existence to a quality of life beyond which I never dreamed possible. Alcoholic Anonymous bought me back to life and how can you possibly I'll give AA. I do not say no to Alcoholics Anonymous, I don't. Sometimes I have to tell you not now, okay? But I never say no and I want to thank Beth and I wanna thank this group for having me come and participate in the celebration of Alcoholics anonymous. I was talking to Craig before the meeting You know, it's gratitude month. It's November. And there's something that I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I want to share this real quick, is I don't do things in AA because I'm grateful. I ain't that helpful. You take a guy like me and you put me in a room for 15 minutes and let me start thinking about my life. I got the kind of mind maybe you can relate to this that loves to focus on what isn't as opposed to what is all of a sudden my house ain't big enough my car ain't fast you know my wife talks too much them kids it's too bad so what I've learned here is I don't do things because I'm grateful I'm thankful because I do things When I go to the penitentiary and speak to the guys on Monday nights down in Marion, I walk out of there, I'm grateful for my freedom. When I'm sponsoring a man who can't see his wife and family because he doesn't know where they are or there's a court order preventing it, I am grateful for that house when I'm sponsoring a man who's living in 2100 Lakeside and has no home. See, gratitude is a byproduct of action just like everything else in Alcoholics Anonymous. The only things that have ever benefited me in Alcoholic Anonymous have come from action that I've taken not things that I'm known. If you're new here tonight I want to share something with you that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is not about the acquisition of knowledge and intellect. It is about the application of principles in my life one day at a time to the best of my ability. So I am grateful tonight for Alcoholics Anonymous. You know how I started this day? Let me drop this real quick because I wasn't going to do this. I started today with my telephone ringing. My father's in the hospital, and I started the day talking to a doctor that told me they found a tumor on his kidney. that's how I started my day my dad is 80 years old that's How My Day Started and I hung the phone up and I sat down and I thought about this and a lot of things started rushing through my mind see but I've been with you guys long enough to know what to do first I said a prayer and I put my daddy in God's hands where he is anyway then I called my sponsor I told him what was going on then I got up I got in my car and I drove to Cleveland to Stella Maris where I am the director of programs and services and I did two hours of Big Book with my guy and I walked out of there smiling. See you've given me the answer trust God clean house and help others and that's how I started my day and it's a wonderful day. I talked to my father when I was driving out here from Stella Marison my kid was tearing up his hospital room I could hear a Nickelodeon on the TV in the background. And I asked him, how are you doing? He said, I'm fine. God is good. God is great. God is really good and he's good all the time. I want to talk for a minute to those who I knew. I came to AA. They told me I had to do some things or they suggested it anyway. They said, these are the kind of suggestions that we make. If you jump out of an airplane and you've got a parachute on your back, we suggest you pull the ripcord. They're kind of suggestions that they make in AA, you know. The first one, they said to get a sponsor. And I didn't even know what a sponsor was. And I asked the guy, and he said a sponsor is somebody who has working knowledge and experience with the 12 steps as outlined by the founders in the book, who is willing to take the time to sit down and share with you the program of recovery out of that book, And just as importantly, who can demonstrate in their life what your life can be like if you do what they do. See, they said work and knowledge and experience, not book knowledge. I know how to read. I have sponsorship in Alcoholics Anonymous today. I'm sponsored by Bill Finley and Lorraine and Kenny Bomba, Licky and Palmer. About 81 years of AA between them. Least impressive thing I can tell you. The program of AlcoholicsAnonymous, ladies and gentlemen, is not a program of seniority. It's a program for quality. for being with Bill and Kenny outside the rooms of AA I've learned how to be a husband, a father, a son a brother, an employer, an employee and a decent citizen in the community that I live in I came to you with none of those skills in my life my sponsor Kenny told me something I found it to be true in my experience he said only people in AA that ain't got sponsors are people that ainít planning on staying see I was talking to Craig about that before the meeting you know why? because I don't want nobody to know me I donít want nobody getting close to me because I ainít staying I do this sometimes would everybody in this room tonight who would be willing to sponsor a new person in AA please raise your hand thank you very much for all of you who are new and ain't got a sponsor I just hooked you up it's a beautiful thing about AA is you ain't ever have to leave a meeting without the benefit of sponsorship so you know when I was new I would be sitting in the meetings and I knew I was supposed to get a sponsor and I'd be looking around and I'll be like but I don't know who in here does that well now you do They told me to get a home group. My home group today is the Friday Night Venice Group and Alcoholics Anonymous in Sandusky, Ohio. Our primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. I think we do a pretty good job of that. We have a lot of fun in the process. We've been doing it almost 60 years. No, my home group ain't the best group in the world. It ain't worse than the worst. My group is just a group. Some of my sponsors told me when I came in here it is okay to stop competing now. The war is over, okay? See, before I came to AA, I always lived my life on a better than or less than basis. And when I live my life on a rather than or better than, I'm different basis, okay, I am never a part of. See this is the last place I cannot be a part up, okay. Today I am a member of A group. I am not the best group in the world, not the worst group in world, it's an AA group, okay I am an alcoholic I ain't the best one or the worst one. I'm just an alcoholic, okay? And I'm a member of a worldwide fellowship called Alcoholics Anonymous. And that's what I like to call the total package in AlcoholicsAnonymous. Sponsorship, home group, big book and steps. In my experience, which is the only thing I'm allowed to share from behind the podium, and in a little while you'll understand why, I have yet to see an alcoholic of our type come into these rooms. If you don't know what an alcoholic our type is, read the book. Come into these rooms, take that total package, apply it to their life one day at a time for the best of their ability, which is all that God asks. Nobody does it perfect. I've yet to see one do that and go out and take a drink. And I've been here before. I haven't seen it happen one time. Ladies and gentlemen, the program of recovery was designed for success, not for failure. On the flip side of the coin, however, I have yet to seen an alcoholic of our type come in here, ignore those things, and stay sane, sober, or happy for any appreciable length of time. The simplicity of alcoholic synonymous. Those who do get and those who don't don't and it's just that simple. I came in AA I sat around here I was waiting on it to rub off on me. Let me share something with you. That's like going to the bar sitting in the corner watching somebody else drink and think you're going to get drunk watching them drink. How absurd is that? And I come in here, and I watch other people recover and somehow think that this is a program of osmosis and somehow it's going to rub off on me. It's a program of action. Bottom line is this. A man told me when I came in AA, son, sitting in a chicken coop don't make you no chicken. You can sit around here all you want until you take these principles and apply them to your life. They're not going to do you any good. And I should know that from my life. I was born in Sandusky, Ohio where I still live today and even when I was running with Al, I lived in Sandosky, I didn't live out here. That was my boy. Al McCauley was the godfather to both of my children he was the best friend I ever had and alcoholic synonymous and I think about Al every day and by God I rode by my unreal funeral home on my way out here and I didnít cry, I smiled. Because Al was my boy out with me every day. No. But I was born in Sandusky, Ohio. I'm 49 years old. I was the second of three boys. I raised in a Christian home and I was taught the principles of this program before I ever went to kindergarten. I had a fine mother and father that have ever graced this earth. Mama's got me now. My mom and dad were the best. I saw these principles in action in my house every single day. In our house, they told us honesty is the best policy. A real man is always honest with himself and other people. If you got caught lying in my house, you got an automatic whooping. Did that happen to anybody else that's also in here? The principle of the first step, step one. My mother said to me one day, Kenny, contrary to what you believe, the sun don't rise when you wake up and set when you go to bed. She said, take a look out the window and tell me what you see. Trees, birds, flowers, cars, people, sky, grass. She said you think it just popped out of nowhere? She said there's a power that's greater than you that created all of this and all you have to do is be willing to believe that step two. At our house they told us if we would make a decision to put our lives in the hands of that power then at our house they called that power God. She says you'll always have what you need no matter what happens outside or around you. Step three. At ourhouse they told her anytime you got a problem take a look at it and come talk to us about it No matter how bad you think it is, a problem shared is a problem half solved. You're only as sick as your secret. Steps four and five. In our house, Mama used to say the biggest room in your life is the room for improvement. If you can make C's, you can made B's. If you could make B's,you can make A's. And if you will ask that power to help you in any positive endeavor you want to make in your life, the power will always help you because that's what the power does. Step six and seven. and our house they told us anytime you hurt harm or wrong somebody else go make right the wrong you're done your own apology make it your own money pay it clean up your mess steps eight and nine my mother used to say you can never go forward in life if you don't know where you are today and what you need to work on to get where you want to go you should always be inventorying your strengths and weaknesses socrates said three thousand years ago the uninventory life is a waste step 10 our grandmother told us you want to have a good day get on your knees in the morning and say one word please as you go throughout the day and you don't know what to do ask for help at night get on you knees and say two words thank you step 11 and then our family that told us the greatest thing we could do with our lives was not acquire money and material things it told us the greatest things we could with our life was be of service to others we were taught to follow the golden rule talk to people the way we wanted to be talked to treat people the ways we wanted them to be treated to respect our elders. We were taught to offer to share what we had with others before we had our own. Be of service to your fellow man, step 12. Was there anybody in here that was taught them things when you grew up? For you new people in here, I just took you through the steps. What I want you to know is this spiritually principled living did not originate in Akron, Ohio in 1935. Those principles are ancient. And there's people out there who live like that every single day and they do not expect a pat on the back for. Why would I, I don't give pats on the back in it, why would I need a pat on the bat for living the way that I was raised to live and that God intends for a decent human being to live his life? So a lot of you are probably thinking to yourself, well if you had all that before you went off to kindergarten, what are you doing leaving the meeting tonight? Answer to that is pretty simple isn't it? God never did any of it. I talked about it a great deal however. I'm one of them drunks. You ever be in the bar and there's a drunk in there quoting scripture? That was me. I'm down at Brownlee's Tavern. There's a man crying in his beer usually because he's getting divorced, going to jail or losing his job because that's what we did on a regular basis down at brownlee's. And Kent would stagger over with a drink in his hand and say something like this. Luke chapter 7 verses 12 to 15. I'm giving spiritual guidance down to Brown Leaves Tavern. And I didn't just stop with that. I get married for counseling down to brown leaves. I had never been married, but I didn' t see how that made a difference. When my life savings land on the bar, I give financial guidance down to ground leaves. My father called me a walking encyclopedia of perfectly useless information. Why? Because none of that was born in my experience or something I read in a book or overheard somebody else say. See, I can become a parrot in AA too. So-and-so used to say the big books say on page 35, hey dog this is what I tell my, how you living? How you living ? I'm not, I don't care what you say. How you living? If you live in this, you don't have to tell me because I can see it. None of the things I said was born of my experience so when I, if somebody was listening to me, you know There's no depth or weight to that message, is there? Because it's not one of experience. I was restless and irritable and discontented as a kid. Shy, insecure, and afraid. I tell people that I was a prime candidate to have problems with alcohol. I always felt somehow different than, less than, or behind than other people my own age. As a result of this, I used to follow my older brother around a lot. My older brother was four years older than me. He was a football star. Sandusky's a football talent. And he used to take me with him wherever he went. four years older than me. Never understood why. I know why today because we weren't going to have that much time. I got a brother four years younger than me, we almost 50. I ain't took him nowhere yet. But my brother would take me with him and I had a sense of ease and comfort with my brother. He was my drink of choice at the time. When I was with him, I did not have to be, do or say anything. I was comfortable being quiet and around older people. September 5th, 1972, my brother died as a result of a head injury in a football scrimmage down in Massillon, Ohio. I come from a long line of football playing people. My father played at West Virginia State University, my uncle both played for Penn State University. Had two cousins played in the NFL for over 10 years, one of them played for the Browns for 11 years. My family do football, that's what we do, that is what we were raised to do. And my brother was going to Ohio State to play for Woody Hayes. We found out later he had a blood clot on the side of his brain, he got hit late in the scrimmage and moved. Doctor told us later he could have been walking across the street, and it would have moved, and he would have dropped dead. So it wasn't the game of football that killed my brother. It wasn't God that killed him. It was my brother with a blood clot on the side of his brain. After my brother was gone, and obviously that was a very traumatic thing, not only for me, for my family, but for my entire time. And I never talked about that until I took a fifth step in this program. I never talked to my mom and dad about it because my mom and dad was devastated, and I didn't want them to have to worry about me. And I walked with that. My brother's gone. I now start hanging around people my own age. Guys I've known since I'm two years old. I'm 13. I'm standing on the south side of Sandusky. Here's the topics of conversation amongst the crew that I ran with in 1972 at the age of 13. The topics was drinking beer, smoking weed, and climbing in and out of girls' bedroom windows in the middle of the night. And I was back zero, zero, zero. I had a mother that did not play that. I would have had no idea what it was if it had came up and slapped me. But do I tell people I don't know what they're talking about? Absolutely not. You remember them dogs you used to put in the back window of the car with the head going like this? That was me. Oh yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking About. Yep. Yep. Yeah, I was over there. Yeah. I know them. I'm 13 years old. I'm a liar, a fake, and a phony. I've been places I ain't been. I done things I haven't done and I know people that I don't know in order to gain her acceptance. I am willing to compromise everything that I've been taught and everything that i believe to be true to be to gain the acceptance of those around me. I have absolutely no sense of self at all. Empty on the inside. My mom used to talk to me a lot after my brother died she'd say things to me like oh Kenny God's been so good to you you're going to have a wonderful life blah blah blah. They used to tell my mother I have no desire to be of service to God, you or nobody else. Not that I didn't believe in God not that I blame God for anything in my life now I have come to some conclusions however and that's what I told her I said what I want out of life I'll tell you real quick I want mine I want to get it my way and I'm going to need you to leave me alone while I'm doing it because I ain't going to do it like you do my mother would get that sad look on her face and she'd say oh you don't get it we didn't raise you that way I'd point my finger at her I'd say you're the one who don't getting it Watch me roll. Selfish, self-centered, self seeking. 13 years old. One of the gifts God did give me I did well in school. That's a gift. I did not study. I didn't work for it and I didn' earn it. Therefore it is a gift, okay? But what did I do? What if I took credit for it? That's the total intent of my life though. Anything good I'll take credit for. Anything bad I'm blaming you. So I'm a straight A student. My sponsor, Bill, told me something when I come in the program. He said, son, anytime you're in a room alone, all your enemies are there. The way he was referred to, obviously, is my thinking. So I'm sitting in a study hall. I'm about 14, 15 years old. And I had a visit from the enemy, my thinking, and here's the thought that occurred to me that day. You know, these people in this study hall, breaking their neck trying to get B's and taking general math and science. I, on the other hand, am taking calculus, physics, fourth-year Latin, fourth- year English. I don't even take books home. I'm in the National Honor Society. You know, it just might be entirely possible that I know everything. Uh-huh. All right, I laugh, but I see we got a few more frustrated geniuses in here tonight. I had no evidence to support that thought as being true. I accepted it as a fact, and I left the room and I took action on it. I actually went home and stood in the middle of my mother's father's living room and I shared that discovery with him. What happened after that, I'll make a long story short. If my mother was not as quick as she was and grabbed the back of my daddy's T-shirt, you have a different speaker here tonight. I believe that man intended to strangle me that day. He came up off that couch, and all these years later, I'd never asked him about that. He had to be thinking, look what we got in our house. I'm going to end it now. Now my father is a guy that played football back in the days when they did not have face masks. All right? I was scared of my father. He ain't. I'm still scared of him. I ran out the screen door and closed it. My father ran up behind me. This is what he said. He looked through the screen doorway and pointed his finger at me. He said, boy, you have a hard life. And I stood on that screen door. Outside that screen doorway. I looked through that screen door to him, and I laughed in his face. Significant day in my life, because on that day I closed the door. In our book it says, Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness are the three essentials of recovery. The book says that they are indispensable. That means I can't recover without those to some degree. Now, on that day, I closed my mind. From that day forward, everybody in my life, in my opinion, was an idiot. My mother, my father, the preacher, the teacher. Later on, the police, the judges, the lawyers, the probation, the P.O., you can't tell me, because if I don't know it, it ain't worth knowing, became my philosophy of life. Selfish, self-centered, self secret, self absorbed, according to my mother, mean as a rattlesnake, I get to take a drink of alcohol. I tell people I was the perfectly tilled soil for the disease of alcoholism. All I had to do was water, and I got in a car with a guy one day. Bill's story. He said, Bill forgot the strong warnings and prejudices of his people concerning drink. Alcoholism don't run in my family. It gathers. And I have been told, look at Junkie Ed, look a Junior, look about it. They all die of cirrhosis. Stay away from that stuff. Okay? I got into a car where a guy named Johnny. Johnny was my best friend's older brother. We all played basketball in some high school. Johnny had a snazzy car pocket full of money. He ran around with the kind of girls I ran away from when I seen them coming down the hall. He was already known in the bars and the gambling spots. Everybody loved Johnny. I want Johnny's life. See, I live in my head. Anybody else in here a dreamer? We watch TV, we read books, and we daydream to escape reality. See,I'm already seeking different avenues of escape from reality. But I don't understand that yet. I always ask, we got any future Mega Millions winners in here? You already know where you're going to live when you hear God I ask. Then you can relate to me, all right? So I got in the car with Johnny and Johnny said to me Hey Colin, let's get something to drink. If Johnny had said to be that day let's go ride the carry out I absolutely guarantee you that I would have done it. That's how little sense of self that I had. That's what empty I am on the inside. I am closed spiritually. We went through the drive-thru. We bought 10 ports of Slissmore Liquor Bowl. You know how it is when you're young. How much liquor do you buy? How much money do you have? as much as we can get for this amount of money is what we want we got them 10 quarts Johnny put the convertible top down on his car we rolled through the streets of Sandusky and we drank that beer and my life changed I try to put this as simple as possible on that day I started drinking I started growing you started shrinking I went from shy, insecure, and afraid to bold confident suave debonair and fearless in about 20 minutes in the doctor's opinion they said we drink what essentially for the effect produced by alcohol I didn't particularly care for the taste of warm Schlitz book if I think the taste I like me to make food fun I like out that taste but you know what I never drank a case you've been made fruit puncher today. I drink for the effect that produces something in me. Let me put to you like this. For the first time on that day, I felt whole. I felt on the inside like you looked on the outside. And I ain't one of them people. A lot of people say that when I drank, I became a part of the crowd. That's not my experience. My experience is this. When I drank that day, I owned the crowd. They got guys like me in every peer group. They call them jerks. We went behind the Derrick Apartments in Sandusky where all the thugs hung out. People surrounded the car. The convertible top was down. The music was blasting. I turned and looked at Johnny and I said, turn that music down because there's a few things I want to tell a few people who are present here this afternoon that I have been wanting to tell them for quite some time. Now that might not be a big deal but here's the deal. I hadn't said five words in public in the last three years. Johnny turned that music down and I went around that circle of hoodlums and not only did I tell each and every one of them what I thought of them but also what they needed to do, in my opinion, to improve themselves. How did them people react? I'll tell you how they reacted. Guys are leaning over in the convertible and hugging me. And they said, see, I told you. Coleman's all right. He's one of the boys. He'S loosening up. He' s drinking a little beer. Man, burned into my brain. I made a mental note of that. When I drank, I now gained the acceptance of the people whose acceptance I want the most. It changes me. It changed how I see me, how I seen you and how I see the world at large. Alcohol equals success. We left from there. We went up to the home with some of them girls he run around with. I ran away from. I walked into that home like I was paying the mortgage. Never been in there in my life. I went in the dining room and I sat down and I looked across the dining room at a girl who I believe is the prettiest girl to graduate from Seduccia High School in its 157 year history. I had never even breathed in her direction, much less said hello. And I looked over there at her and she looked up at me and I said, come here. And she got up and she started walking toward me. Now any sane human being at this point would probably think, hey Kent, you know what, if you weren't so shy and scared, look what you could have did just by speaking up. You know what I mean? That's what normal is. Is that what I thought? No. Here's what I though. If you had been drinking before now, look what you could have done. Look what you've been missing. Alcohol made this possible. Alcohol equals success. Burn into my brain. Now, this is an honest program. I'm going to be honest with you tonight. Because when she got over there to me, I had no idea what to do with her. But guys like me, we watch a lot of TV. So I did what they do on TV? I went like this. And she sat down in my lap and my life changed again. And the bottom line for this whole thing is, on that day, alcohol did for me what I could not or would not do for myself. That's the bottom line. Absolute magic. I couldn't believe that I had waited this long to do this. You know, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, you know Robert Louis Stevenson, wrote that was an alcoholic. The magic potion was alcohol, ladies and gentlemen. And on that day, I found the magic potion. Now, I am a consequences drinker. Now, a lot of people come to AA, they ain't lost jobs, got DUIs, been divorced, been homeless, none of that, been to jail, and it's not necessary, is it? Okay? You can get off the elevator on any floor. That stuff is not necessary. However, that is not my experience. If this here was a drink of alcohol and I stood here and took a sip, a cop would drop right out of that place. I got to tell you, man, this is my experience, you know? My father said to me, I was about 25 years old, he said, I haven't seen anything like this in my life. He said, you can't get from the end of the corner. It's like you've got a cop magnet on your foot. I came in AA and there was a guy John C got John Cunningham got ready he's gone now John got sober in 1946 he looked at me he said Kent drink trouble drink trouble I said no kidding no kidding what happened to me that day you know I didn't go to jail I blacked out had no idea what went on the rest of the night according to eyewitnesses at the house I heard all this the next day. I came in the front door, threw up a trail through the house. My grandfather fell on the floor laughing back in the family room. I went in the bathroom, hit everything but the toilet. The next thing I remember is my mother knocking on my bedroom door. Come out here and clean this up. You know you've been drinking. You know, blah, blah. Staggered into the hallway in what later years would be my drinking uniform, my underwear. I'm bouncing off the hallway walls, you know, those narrow hallway walls. got a hangover you can take out it's alive, I'm dying I'm going to the bathroom she's still screaming in the hallway I lock the bathroom door put my hands on the bathroom sink I look through bloodshot eyes into the mirror and this is what I said man oh man I cannot wait to do that again grounded for life is what was being discussed in the living room And how are we going to carry that out? I'm gloated for life. So why do I want to do it again? The reason is simple, ain't it? Because alcohol equals hats on the back, girls in my lap. Alcohol did for me what I couldn't do for myself. Alcohol equals success and Kent was gone. And I never looked back. I don't have any prolonged periods of sobriety to share with you when things got bad. I'm the kind of drunk that when things get bad, I drink more. I'm a guy who drinks to feel better about problems caused by his drinking. I'm not a drunk. I'm just a guy. I'm kind of guy who cannot see the forest for the trees. Okay? I'm the kind of guy, they don't send me to treatment. They put me in straitjackets. I show up to court facing my fifth DUI drunk. For me, alcohol was not a problem. If there's a problem, you the problem, you the one who called the police on me. see alcohol is an answer for guys like me it's an answer and see i drink and i have problems in my life as a result of my drinking so i feel worse so i drink even more and i and i have more problems in my wife because of my drink and then i drink even more and it's like being on affairs will man there ain't nobody to shut it off that's how active alcoholism was in my life. I kept doing the same thing over and over and over for 18 years. And as my alcoholism progressed, my behavior got progressively worse. Sixteen years old, I get a car. My mother says to me, be home at one o'clock. I come home at two. She grounds me. Then I come at three. She grounds. We do this every three weeks. I'm grounded every two weeks. Finally, I come is 420 in the morning. Never forget it. Walked in the front door. Sixtteen years old. My mother sitting on the couch. She had tears running down her face. See we talk a lot about child abuse in society, you're looking at a parent abuse. I walked into the living room. My mother got tears coming down her face. It was 420 in the morning. I'm 16 years old. This is what she said to me. Kenny, as your parents, we owe you a roof over your head, food to eat, clothes on your back, and an education. We have fulfilled our part of the bargain. She said, well, buddy, I got something you can't have. And she said, that's my peace of mind. She said、 Kenny, you go into the penitentiary or the cemetery and you're not taking me with you. I'm done. Go do what you want, Kenny. I stood in the living room. I looked at my mom and this is what I see. I broke you. You know what? Wasn't even hard and I walked away. It's a snapshot of Kent at the age of 16. I graduated high school, in the 12 and 12 it said alcohol is a rapacious creditor. When I read AA literature, I have to ask myself what does that mean to me in here? Rapacious creditors. See until Bill's story becomes Kent's story, it's just recreational reading to me. Rapacious creditors means nonstop takers. See I can't see one of the baffling features of this disease I suffer from is that you can't what it's doing to you till you free up. in the rear view mirror, I could tell you all this stuff that happened when it was going on. I couldn't tell you nothing. Arguments in my house. Tell you how, this is how you can sit with my drinking beard. I went to college. I went from Miami of Ohio. I graduated from high school. One of the best schools in the country. You know what I told my mother and father when I got my letter of acceptance to Miami? Because I got the grades to get in there and I didn't ask to be born so you should pay. Snapshot of Kent, age 70. That's the kind of kid I was. when my parents took me to school on that Sunday, all the freshmen coming what do you see? Parents hugging the kids, right? Baby leaving home for the first time tears everywhere. If you was watching my family that day, that's not what you saw My father unloaded that van like his butt was on fire. They was up by 75 before I got my key in the dorm room door. I kid you not. You know what my father said to me when he was going down the steps? Now your mother can sleep now your mother can sleep from the day I picked up a dream see by the time I'm in my late teens something has happened see as a youngster I had some goals and aspirations and dreams and I crafted activities around my life to support that, I went to school I hung out with the right people I did extra work I played ball, I did all those things that would support those goals. Somewhere in my late teens, a change took place. Those goals, aspirations, and dreams that was at the center, what was at the center changed. And what was in the center now was drinking. And I've constructed activities around that to support it. The people that I hung out with are people who drink like me. My mother used to say, what about Johnny? You don't see him no more? Ah, no, he got a job. You know what? Johnny don't want to be with me no more. And I don't want to be with him because he don't drink like I drink. So my acquaintances are now what? Dictated by my drinking, the places I go, the things I do, the activities I participate in. Bill Wilson said, what do you do? Play golf because you can drink the whole time you did it. So now I'm bowling and playing softball. We drink everything. The women in my life all come out of the bar. I used to have a one-line interview for a girl. Do you like to drink? If the answer was no, I'd say next. A friend of mine in Canada said that was the wrong question you was asking, Kent. He said the question should have been, would you like to spend the rest of your life in Al-Anon? See, they call this crossing the line. I'm no longer drinking for fun because I want to. I had shakes by the time I was 19 years old. Was that Miami? I went to the bartender down at the Boar's Head Inn where I had set up headquarters, and I said to Tom, Tom, my hand's shaking so bad this morning I couldn't talk. I'm 19 years older. You know what Tom told me? Go get you a fifth 100-proof old granddad, take two shots in the morning, your hands will stop shaking. Without questioning that, I went straight to the liquor store. I got a fifth of granddad, got up the next morning, drank two shots, my hands stopped shaking. And you note this, I never questioned the bartender. I got parents, counselors, coaches, church folk, family, all these wonderful people in my life trying to help me. And you know what I'm telling them? I don't have to listen to you. But I never question the bartend. Why is it that I'm always willing to listen to the people who harm me? Why is that? I eventually got out of school, came back to Sandusky. My alcoholism now is dictating everything in my life. Instead of going to work for Procter & Gamble in Cincinnati, I'm already in a union from working summer times in the automotive plant and I come back to work on the line. Why? Because I would have been fired at Procter & Gamble in a month, and I knew it. I came to the protection of a union. I go to the midnight shift. Why? No bosses so I can be drunk. I bid into a department where the supervisor is an active alcoholic so we can watch each other's back. Alcohol now costs all the shots in my life. Things get progressively worse. I'm not going to get into it. felony weapons charges, a fight with the SWAT team in downtown Toledo. Me and two of my buddies at about, I don't know, about 23, 24 years old. My buddy challenged the SWat team to a fight. I had carried a gun into a bar, started some trouble. The SWAT Team accepted our challenge. After they beat us half to death, we woke up the next morning in Toledo House of Corrections. But that's not the way I told it down at the bar the next week. When I told him down at the bar, you know what I told the boys? We held our own. And that was kind of true when they got done with it. We were holding our own, but that was another story. My grandfather bought me out of that. I should still be in penitentiary for what I did that night. And he bought me Out of It. At the end I'm drinking for oblivion. I just want to be as drunk as I can. I'm working two days a week, no baths, no showers. I got a liver that's distended about seven inches. I am coughing this white stuff up every time I drink. I'm no longer welcome in the home of my parents or my family. That magic potion that one time had opened the world up to me had not closed in and made my world this big. I don't come out in daylight anymore. I'm ashamed of who I am and what I am and what you know about me. I'm afraid to come out. Every time the telephone rings, I almost have a heart attack. It's another bill collector. Every time the mailman's truck pulls up, my stomach turns over. I'm coughing this white stuff up. I find out later I've got alcohol poisoning. My liver and pancreas are no longer metabolizing the alcohol I'm drinking. My body is not rejecting what my mind is obsessed with. I'm 32 years old, and I'm dying of alcoholism. I'm a great believer in the power of prayer. You know, our book is full of prayers in it. There's one on almost every page. We don't talk about that that much, do we? Don't talk about that The book is full of prayer You know I'm here because people pray for me I didn't come here because Oh, I heard good things about it I ain't know nothing about it I don't care nothing about any of it I ain'T know nothing About you I didn'T want to meet you I came out of a bar And I had what they call A moment of clarity Or a moment of sanity I heard a guy say one time That's the moment When God paralyzes the liar In you long enough For you to see the truth and what I saw was this kid if you don't stop drinking you're going to die you better get some help because you can't stop by yourself and you better do it now because you're running out of time and I went home and I made a phone call seeing them last years to be honest with you I did try to stop I tried but I couldn't I couldn' and I didn't know where to turn so I called the guy that I used to he was my business partner Miami and the business that we was in was not legal. It was distribution of control substances in the Midwest is what our business was, but what he did is he straightened his life off. He's a doctor. He is the head of radiology at the Kettering Medical Center out of Dayton. He was a very powerful man. I didn't know who else to call. I figured Rich is a doctor, no. I owed him $5,000 hadn't bothered to pay any of it back. His wife answered the telephone that night I called and this is how she said it Richard just can't and Richard got on the phone and I said Rich is your boy man I need some help and this was what he said to me he said man I've been waiting for this call for seven or eight years pack a bag stay by the phone I've got you See, he knew. He called me back 15 minutes later and said he was going to put me in treatment in a place in Xenia, Ohio called Green Hall. My brother and his wife drove me the next day from Sandusky to Centerville. Now I did not know anything about treatment, but on my own, genius that I am, I had figured out one thing. They wasn't serving no liquor in there. So I got a case of Genesee for the trip. I'm in the back seat, my brother and wife in the front seat. I got six or seven cold jinnies in me, and you ain't going to believe this. But on my way to treatment, I had a visit from the enemy. And here's what he said to me after six or several cold beers. You know, I just may have overreacted here. Well, ain't that what alcohol does for you? What do I drink for? The effect it produces in me is sense of ease and comfort. I got to drinking up the wait a minute now. We're going a little too far here with this treatment thing. What I did not know is my daddy knew more about alcoholism than I thought, because he told my brother and his wife, I gave you $100 not to bring him back. So when I suggested that we turn around, a mistake was made, they refused. We got to Richard's house in Centerville, he bought me a quarter miller's for the trip, he said it was always your favorite. We pulled into the parking lot of Green Memorial Hospital, Rich put his car in park. I had about this much left in that car and he turned and looked at me, he said go ahead dog finish that and don't ask me how I know it man, it's the last drink you ever gonna take. It was 17th of May 1992, have not had another drop of alcohol or anything else since that day in that parking lot and I never would've believed it possible. They treated me great at the hospital, nine days in detox, I had some liver problems, I came out. I went to what they call men's group at a circle of 12 men about 8 o'clock in the morning reading out loud stories of their drinking escapades in the street. The counselor says to me, Kent, it's your first day in group. Tell us what you think about what you heard here this morning. I said, I'll tell you what I think about when I heard Jim. Well, I'm down here for a few days to get help with a small problem that I might have. Jim, I'd like to volunteer my time, service, and energy to help you with these people because these are the sickest people I've seen in my life. That one statement got me an extra week of treatment. I spent 35 days in a 28-day program. They cut my insurance off in 28 days. They called Ford Motor Company. You know what they said? They said, we don't think kids ready to leave the hospital. You know how Ford Motor company say it? We don't either. They paid for me to stay another week. The next morning they called me down to the nurse's station and my enemy, Mary the nurse who was 28 years sober, hung a sign around my neck this big that said I am not a counselor. Had to wear it for a whole week. But I will hasten to say this, I don't think I was the first guy like that they seen down there because it wasn't a new sign. Next day they had me write and read the group. I did. Jim said, Ken, put your chair in the middle of the room. Let's make a circle around Ken. Tell him what we think of him. I just started the ball rolling by saying, Ken's so full of BS his eyes would turn to brown if you threw him in water he'd float away. Nicest thing that was said in that room that day. What them guys told me in that day was if I didn't get honest with myself I was going to leave that place. I was gonna drink and I was gunna die. And how it works, we heard it right here tonight is that this is a manner of living which what? Demands rigorous honesty. honesty. My sponsor, Kennedy, told me that is not a suggestion. Get honest or die. It's the principle of the first step and you can't go any further until you get that one. I went back to my room. I sat on the edge of my bed and I made a decision to be as honest as I could the rest of the time I was there because I knew what I heard the day before in that room. Whatever bit them bit me. I went to my first AA meeting at Green Hall. It was a discussion meeting. A lady from out of town raised her hand. She had a problem when they asked if anybody had one. They went around that table. They shared with that lady similar problems they had had and the solutions they had found. Nobody judged or criticized or condemned her. I saw the fellowship, the people in a meeting of alcoholics anonymous come to the aid of a total stranger with no judgment or condemnation. My thought as I sat over there against the wall watching that happen was this how could something like this exist and I've never heard of it. See I was given a gift of of loving AA at the very first meeting that I went to and it has not diminished, it has grown. Okay? If you're new here tonight and you don't love this, keep coming back. After 35 days I got out of treatment and I came home and I started to play a game that's called don't drink go to meetings and don't do nothing else. If I put my arm through a window and cut an artery in my arm and start bleeding all over the house. I put a towel on my arm. I drive to the hospital. I run in the emergency room. I sit down. I'm bleeding all over the floor. The doctor comes out and says, come on back, Mr. Coleman. We'll treat you now. I sit there in the ER bleeding to death. Look at the doctor saying, oh, thank you. I'll just sit here. And I bleed to death in the EM. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the EMR. I've been in AA long enough now. I've watched people who attend these meetings on a regular basis die of untreated alcoholism. The treatment for alcoholism is a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, period. Period. And I came into these rooms and I didn't do what I was supposed to do, and I got sicker. I got what the old-timers in this industry called stark, raving sober. I'm yelling at people in the meeting. I'm telling people I don't have to do this. Who do you think you are? And they kept saying, come back tomorrow, Tim. I got mad at them down at the club one morning for criticizing me. I was telling them about the 10th step. Didn't even have a sponsor. I ain't never read the book. and a guy named Dan sitting in the back of the room he didn't even wait for his turn he said wait a minute he said any new people in here do not listen to that man he does not know what he's talking about he hasn't done any of this do not hear me do not listen to him oh I wanted to strangle that guy that's what I'm doing in the rooms of AA I'm telling people how to stay sober I'm nuts you know what Dan did Dan used to follow me to meetings. Whenever I made a comment, he'd correct it. You know what Dan did for me? Dan kept me alive. Dan sponsored me without me knowing. On the day I finally got a sponsor, it was big news down at the club, believe me. I told him one day I was never coming back. I came back the next day. He got hit. Al Perkins said to me, what are you doing back? I thought you weren't coming back? I said, I wasn't until I realized I don't have anywhere else to go. And I got a sponsor, and Dan came up to me and he said, is that your sponsor, Kent? And I said yes, it is. And he said man, you've got a good sponsor. And he turned and he walked out the door and I didn't see him again for six months. We came out here to the Punderson Conference and we were sitting at a fire at about two o'clock in the morning. And I looked at Dan and I said man, I know what you did for me now. How can I ever pay you back? And Dan looked at me and he says the next time you see somebody as sick and as angry as you were coming into this room, you do for them what I did for you because somebody did it for me. And that's what we do here in AA. We pass it on to others. What 250 AA meetings in three months, because that's how many I went to, got me was the parking lot at Daly's Pub. See, alcohol, I'm not drinking. I made that clear. I'm NOT DRINKING! But alcohol wasn't my problem, was it? Never was. My problem sounds a lot like alcohol, but it's not. It's something much, much different. See, my problem is alcoholism, not alcoholism. And here's what I know about the disease of alcohol is it's a progressive fatal disease that will kill me whether I drink or not. And if you don't understand that, stick around here and watch what happens to people who are alcoholic and who just don't drink. I ended up in the parking lot of Daly's Park and never wanted to drink so badly in my life for three months or so. And I'm sitting in the car and I said my first prayer in AA. In AA, three months, I said a prayer. And here was the prayer. God, what am I doing wrong? And man, like a lightning bolt, what are you doing right? If you go to 250 AA meetings in three months. You hear it every day, don't you? Get a sponsor. Read them up. Work with them. Get a home group. Get active. Help others. I wasn't doing none of that. I treated them like a cigarette-smoking, donut-dumping coffee player. The last one at the meeting and the first one out the door when they said amen. That's what I did. The next day I got a sponsor I said be careful what you tell me because I'm going to do it. I don't want to drink again. He says what I'm gonna do is take you through the 12 steps as outlined by the founders in the big book. He said that's all I got to give you. They call the steps a spiritual tool. I got a tool box in my house in Sandusky. I have never sat in my living room, watched the hammer, pliers and screwdriver walk across the floor of my house and fix a thing. The only value of a tool is if I pick it up and use it. The only valuable of these steps is if I apply them to my life. I've had the great privilege of seeing AA all over the world. I had yet to attend a meeting where somebody stands up and says, works if you know it. he said here are the steps we took don't say here are the steps we memorized here are the steps we analyzed here are the steps we pondered he said here are the steps we took I don't work the steps I take the steps if you give me medicine I don' work it I take it we admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives become unmanable, powerless over alcohol. I drink against my will. Put it to you like this, when my job, my family, my freedom and eventually my life depended on me not drinking, I drank. It says in the book we had a fully conceived to our innermost cells that we were alcoholic, this is the first step the recovery. What does that mean to Kent? I know what it means in the book, what did that mean in me? To fully conceive is to accept defeat and surrender to the fact that no conditions exist under which I can safely take a drink and I got almost 20 years of drinking history that will bear that out. Unmanageable life family relationships gone can't be happy can't make a living if powerlessness is the problem thank God for step two came to believe our great in ourselves restore insanity how did I do that I came in here and I watched you and I listen to you I see people People stand behind these parties to tell stories Stephen King couldn't make up. But they was dressed nice, laughing, smiling, and talking about how they got a God of their understanding in their life, and that's when their life changed. Now, in the first step, I've already accepted I got what you got. So if I got where you got, and there's a power that can help you, then there's one that can helps me. The power of your example is how I came to believe the second step. I made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. Tonight, I made the decision to come out here to Willoughby. What made it come true? I got in my car and drove out here. That's what made it come true. The decision in and of itself didn't make it come true, did it? It had to be followed by some action. In order for any decision to come true in my life or bear fruit, it's got to be follow by some action What is the action that turns my will and my life over to the care of God in step 3? Steps 4 through 12 What the third step is, is a promise to submit to the rest of the process I did not turn my will and my life over the care of God in step three and I wasn't asked to do that. I was asked to make a decision to do that and immediately follow it with an inventory. May the surgeon fill his more inventory of ourselves. Resentment, fear, sex, conduct. I did it the way it says do it in the book. I didn't use no worksheet. I didn' t use no outline. I didn''t use any of the stuff that people want to use to make the thumbprint on the only treatment for alcoholism in the last 5,000 years. What's wrong with the book my sponsor said? I did out of rarely have we seen an individual will fail who have thoroughly followed our path see I'm not willing to bet my life on somebody else and I did it the way it says do it in the book to the best of my ability admitted to God to ourselves into another human being the exact nature of our wrong I sat down with my sponsor and I came clean what I felt after the fifth step was two things no lightning bolt but I felt this it was the first time I felt in my heart I was going to be able to stay sober because there's two things if I hadn't told them I know I would have drank again and And it's also the first time that I felt like a real member of the Alcoholics Anonymous after I did the fifth step. We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character and humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings, steps six and seven. I like those in the biblical sense, sins of commission and omission, defense of defective character, things I do wrong, shortcomings. What should I be doing? Give you an example. I'm very selfish. In the morning, I say, God, remove this selfishness. He don't unzip me and pull it out. Here's what happens to me. My phone rings at 6.30, and it's a new guy I gave my number to. He says, Kent, can I get a ride to a meeting? There's two answers I can give that young fellow. Well, son, I'm watching Gunsmoke. But I'll send one of my sponsees to get you, or else I can get up and go get him because God just answered my prayer, didn't he? He answered my pray by providing for me an opportunity to get up off my butt and practice unselfishness. See, God don't do for me what I can do for myself. He provides the opportunities. Every day, I'm surrounded by people who provide for me opportunities to practice actions opposite my defects and thus become a better person. What happens a lot of the time, though, is I'm so wrapped up in Kent, I miss him. My life is best when it's focused on you. Our purpose is to be a maximum service to God and the people around us. Where does that mention me? I made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. I made the list, asked God to give me the courage to face them people. Step eight, keep it simple. Step nine, may direct the men to such people as possible except when they do so would injure them or others. If I drive my car through your fence and you say go mend my fence, do I go hey, I'm sorry fence? No. I go out there and put it back where it was before I drove through it. If I owe you money, I'll pay you. If I give you my time, I give You my time. Whatever I got to do. Okay? Biggest amen I had to make was to my mother. How do you make amens to somebody who spent their whole life trying to make yours better and you spent yours ripping the heart out of their chest and stomping in front of their face. My mother had cancer when I came into this program. She died when I was about two years sober. My sponsor said, You will go back into that home and you will help your father take care of your mother and you would be a son to her and you were not saying anything until I changed it. And I went into that room and my mom got to see me go to AA meetings every day. My mom got me to drink sponsees to that house and sit down at the table with the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. My mom saw me put on a shirt and a tie go speak at meetings when I didn't even have a suit and um and we was together every day we laughed and we had fun finally my sponsor said it's time I had a big speech planned out they got her off the morphine I sat down with her I looked at her tears ran down her face and tears ran my mind I couldn't get the big speech out of my mouth the only thing that came out of my mouth was mom I'm sorry and my mom looked at me and she smiled but see my mother raised me this way she knew exactly what I was doing and my mother smiled at me and she said, I forgive you. My mother died holding my hands and looking in my eyes in the hospital room with my whole family, and I got a big family up there calling her name. My uncle stood in the back of the room and said, don't call her no more. She's not going to look away from Kenny because that's how she wants to go. And that's why my mom left this earth. And if I would have never given another blessing, and now I've been blessed a million times over in here, that was enough. Thank God for the fellowship of alcoholics Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted that the book said it ain't an overnight matter. Must continue for a lifetime. There's no graduation diploma, top rung of the ladder or certificate in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, we was talking about Al before the meeting. Al used to say they got pajamas at the local detox that would fit anyone for sobriety. And how true that is. I spoke in Toronto. They introduced me to a man who got drunk with 44 years in here. Minnesota. They introduced me to a man who got drunk for 46 years in here. See, my sponsor Bill told me something I never forgot. He said, son, the longer you stay here, the ice gets thicker but it's just a slipper. I stay sober one day at a time. I don't stay sober 90 meetings in 90 days. They don't have quarterly recovery where I come from. We stay sober 1 day at of time. Step 10 is nothing but steps 4 through 9 on a daily basis, okay? I got my house clean in 4 and 5, okay, not on a day-to-day basis. I want to keep it clean because if it gets dirty again, what's going to happen? I'm going to get drunk. I got drunk behind that stuff before I get drunk again, so we clean our house daily. So I do prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God who's been understood and praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out. Every day I pray for the knowledge of God's will for me and the part to carry out. I read, pray and meditate every morning it's the most important thing I do every day it's more important than going to meetings my sponsor told me it's a wonderful way of life what a wonderful ways to start your day haven't had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps we try to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs books that are spiritual awakening Is a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery? As a result of doing this, I've changed. How much have I changed? I don't know. Any time I grade my own paper, I give myself an A. If you want to know how much I've changed, I'll give you a tip. Go to Sandusky, Ohio and ask my dad. Go ask the Sandusk City ponies who now bring me people they think I can help. And I try to carry this message. Very simple. will burn I.D. into the consciousness of every man and he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trusts in God and clean house and intensive work. One alcoholic with another was vital to permanent recovery. Six words, trust God, clean house and help others. And that's the message has been since June 10th, 1935 and it is today. You heard nothing new or profound here tonight. I met Mary, a woman in Alcoholics Anonymous. She's sober two years longer than me. Reminds me of that on a daily basis. My wife is a cardiovascular intensive care nurse. My wife was one of God's girls. My wife and one of the people who were the 12 steps of this program, Michael Bruce Garman. I don't have to go to AA meetings to see how the steps of his program are supposed to be lived. I got it in my eye. I got two little girls. Look like my wife and my mother combined. I got some beautiful little girls that act just like me. Stay tuned. My dad said last night to me before I left this hospital room, you know since you went into this AA you've spent some of the best years of my life. If you're new here tonight, I'm going to leave you with something. Relapse is not a requirement for recovery. Relapse it's not a part of recovery. When I came in AA, they gave me a tape of a man named Warren Chisholm Seaman. Got sober in 1939, 12th man in AA in Cleveland. And in that tape, Warren Chism said this, and I can hear his voice now, that anyone who comes here who is willing to work the program of recovery as outlined in the big book by the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, you never drink again one day at a time. I said to my sponsor, that's a pretty bold statement, how can you say that? And my sponsor Bill told me, he said it's simple Ken. He said, it's because this is a spiritual program and God doesn't fail. If this don't work for me, it is because I have not fulfilled the conditions that have been laid down. God doesn' t fail. If I said anything to help anybody tonight get the praise, the honor, and the glory of God in myself, I am nothing. My strength comes from my Father in Heaven. If I didn't say nothing to help you tonight, guess what? There's some more meetings tomorrow. God does not make too hard terms with those who seek him. God could and would, if he were sought, abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny. May God bless you and keep you until then. Good night. Thank you.