The Physical Allergy of Alcoholism – Awakening Workshop – Part 7 of 18 – Local AA Speakers

folks? Pat alcoholic. Welcome, welcome. Happy Valentine's Day for everybody who had a chance to celebrate. Anybody go out to dinner with their special someone? Lunch. There you go. All right. Here we are. We're all your special someones. That's great. All right. Let's see here. Welcome to Big Book Awakening Workshop. Please silence your cell phones for the duration of the meeting my own bathrooms are located on the top floor and we only have one restroom available that's the first one as you walk out the door there is no smoking on the premises including e-cigarettes so please smoke across the street if you need to smoke okay so we are we just finished off Bill story and so tonight we start in on there is a solution but We always do a quick recap so that we know where we're at. And so we're not going to recap everything in detail, but just for a few minutes. You know, we know that the way the big book is set up is as a textbook. It's meant to be studied in order. And, you know, if I put my mind in Bill and Bob and some of the first hundred, you know they're trying to figure out how do I hook people into what it is that happened in our lives? And how do I get this message out quick so that they'll want to see how the solution works? And I think sometimes in the background, the situation went on for Frank Schumacher or Sam Schumacker and Father Ed Dowling. And a few others were talking to Bill and they said, man, first of all, you got to hook him on the disease side. So get Silky to write an opinion. That's the doctor's opinion. and then bill i think it's important that people know that there's real hope and your story is about real hope so that's sort of how it was began positioning so if you look at the table of contents and you look all the forewords you look at all the preface okay and well i'm spacing out here we're going to do our prayer after i do this beginning i just realized i did this we'll do it after okay good i'm spacing out truly okay i'm just a little bit out of it tonight that's the way it is hello i'm breaking the rules so if you look at the preface and the four words and then you get into the doctor's opinion it's really really clear that there's a method to how this thing was put together so if your table of contents we are in the first part of step one still we're still in the physical allergy and we're going to be in the physical allergy all the way from the beginning of doctor's opinion all theway through bill story all the way to page 23 of there is a solution so we got basically this is our last night in the physical side of this disease if you're an alcoholic you're an addict you're trying to answer a question is this my truth am i a person that loses control over the substance or the alcohol once i start to drink or once i started to use that's the basic question that we're still continuing to answer and then in bill's story he started out on top of the world get a picture of how he was a little bit uncomfortable in his own skin gets very comfortable in his own skin when he starts drinking drinking and then how the drink took over his life and by the end before bill starts his recovery his life is in the toilet he's gone into town's hospital for the fourth time with no more hope and an experience happened to Bill in Towns Hospital on that last occurrence. And that experience was like a white light experience, and it's not normal for everybody. And it talks about it later on, and we will dissect this in the spiritual experience. It's appendix two in the back of the book as we go through this work. But for now, it's nicht meant if you're looking at your own lives going, wow, I didn't have a white light experience. I didn' t feel like the clean wind blowing through me from one end to the next that wasn't my experience when i had some kind of spiritual thing going on it was more of gradually i started waking up anybody identify with that yeah all right there's quite a few and if you have a white light experience god bless you i think that's cool too neither one is good neither one as bad but notice in bill's story that not very far after he has this great experience with this white light experience, the next page, he's going, hey, when all else fails, working with another alky, working with Another Attic saved the day because he had some hard times. He had some depression going on. This is after he's had this great big spiritual epiphany, right? Epiphany. How do you say that word? Yeah, that one. that one there you go i can't say it i got fat lips whatever you know that's the way it is so um you got that part of it going on i want to read to you there's a there's a great book uh this is again not approved literature was called the spirituality of imperfection and the author of it's guy named ernest kurtz and he's the guy that wrote a book on Alcoholics Anonymous called Not God. And in this, he describes stories about how our woundedness, how we drank and used ourselves into the toilet becomes the very thing that brings us to closeness to God. And here's what he said. God comes through the wound. Our very imperfections, what religion labels our sins, what therapy calls our sickness, what philosophy terms our errors are precisely what to bring us closer to the reality that no matter how hard we try to deny it, we are not ones in control here. And this realization inevitably and joyously brings us closer to God. One of the disconcerting and delightful teachings of a master, that's what he called him here, was God is closer to sinners than to saints. This is how he explained it. God in heaven holds each person by a string. When you sin or you screw your life up, you cut the string. Then God ties it up again, making a knot and thereby bringing you a little closer to him. Again and again, your sins cut the string and with each further knot, God keeps drawing you closer and closer. So if anybody's sitting here tonight thinking God could never and I could never do business with God or a higher power because my life is for fill in the blank. and when i came in i had enough shame and guilt to choke a horse anybody else can relate to that yeah and one of the things in the back of my mind why i was so resistant to god was god would never have anything to do with me no way not not me it won't happen and it's the exact opposite the most alive people i meet in life today are those who have the most wounds that God has healed. So tonight we're going to go into There's a Solution, and we're gonna open up with a prayer, and then we're Gonna do some meditation, and we're Going to get down to first it's going to be Nancy and then we'll have Leanne share on There's a Solution. All right? So God, please enable me to set aside everything I think I know for an open mind and a new experience help me see the truth about my physical craving after I start to drink. Can someone get the lights? Thank you. Spotlight. Oh, brother, sorry. Technical difficulties here. Does someone want to get those lights? Thank you. Okay, Nancy. The floor is yours. Hi, everybody. I'm Nancy. I'm an alcoholic and a cocaine addict. Hi, Nancy! Hi, everybody. I'm Nancy. I'm an alcoholic and a cocaine addict. Hi, Nancy. Among other vices. That was really cool, that thing about the string and God, huh? Yeah. Wow. It kind of makes it a little easier to lighten up on ourselves for all the things we did when we were loaded, right? Yeah. All right, Chapter 2. There is a solution. God help us see the truth presently hidden. Okay. You know, it's going to talk about that we can recover even though we were probably just as hopeless as Bill. It's going to talk about the fellowship, it's gonna talk about the cement that binds us that we're gonna look at in the review after step five. It''s gonna talk about the pervasiveness of this disease and how it's touched everyone in your life and created suffering for them as a result of what you were doing even though we didn't think, you know, I don't, I didn't even think about how my addiction was affecting people until I was clean and sober. And then I was super sad of all those years that I missed hanging out with my family and other loved ones. It's going to talk about a sponsor, someone that you can trust and and that you know he or she has gone through what you've gone through and how it's important that you be able to relate to each other from that level that basic step one level why is this feeding back a little did that help it I turned it down a little too okay so chapter two there is a solution page 17 we have alcoholics anonymous know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill are we ready for the solution? Yeah? Even though we're still in step one. Nearly all have recovered. Now, that's an interesting statement. Nearly All Have Recovered. Wow! And that was the way it was in the beginning. 75% of the people that came to Alcoholics Anonymous got sober at once and stayed that way. Isn't that amazing? Okay, they've solved the drink problem. We're average Americans, all sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. Well, sometimes that's true, sometimes it's not true. I know it's a good thing that my sponsor and I didn't know each other when we were still using. um there exists among us a fellowship a friendliness and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful isn't that cool we were just having a little talk before the the workshop started and we're talking about going through this work and how it's bringing up emotions and and you know memories of of what was going on when we were getting loaded or drinking and you know these kind of impromptu conversations are are part of the backbone of the fellowship part of this program it's just you know we we have a common problem and the cool thing is we have common solution you know if if I got sick and I was in the middle of taking somebody through the work and I couldn't do that I called Leanne and asked her if she could you know fill in for me for about a month or so and she would tell that sponsee of mine the very same thing i would isn't that cool so it goes on to tell us that um we're like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from stairs to captain's table and then it says unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, if I could speak, that would help. However, our joy and escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. So if we were on a cruise ship, and it, you know, went down, and we had to get in those little boats, we'd all be really happy we're in the little boats together, right? It wouldn't matter if we Were riding in steerage or, you know in the upper decks near where the captain's table met for meals it wouldn't matter because we're all escaping the same disaster but it says that our joy and escape from this disaster doesn't subside as we go or individual ways the feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us but that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined and now it's going to tell us why it says the tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution we have a way out on which we can absolutely agree see leanne and i absolutely agree on the information in this book and you know it's really cool. We can join in sisterly, brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. This is partly why I get emotional around this part of the work because I'm so grateful that I'm clean and sober today. This was not the case 26 years ago. It was pretty ugly and then then it goes into on page 18 it talks about that that this is an illness that we have and it mentions illness more than once here we've kind of come to believe it in illness involves those about us in way no other human sickness can if a person has cancer all are sorry for him or her and no one's angry or hurt about it they're not angry at the person for having cancer, they want to support them and be there for them so that, you know, they can feel a little more confident while they're going through whatever treatment they're going through. And, you Know, the fellowship can do that for us as we're going through our treatment for our illness. It says, but not so with the alcoholic illness. And you know when this book was written, being an alcoholic was really a nasty thing to be it's it was looked down on it was thought of as a moral problem just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and you know you'll be okay what's the matter with you your willpower must be weak and that's not the case right we know that now it goes on to say that this alcoholic illness there's illness for the third time in the same paragraph for with it they're goes annihilation of all things worthwhile in life can you anybody relate to that did you lose a lot of stuff lose a lot friends lose some loved ones end up in a divorce all that stuff for me it engulfs it swallows up all whose lives touch the sufferers it brings misunderstanding and Here's a great description of untreated alcoholism. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents. Anyone can increase the list. That's the wreckage after we've walked through somebody's life being an alcoholic. so they go on to to talk somewhat general here they say we hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are or may be affected that there are many highly competent psychiatrists who've dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his or her situation without reserve gee really once in a while they might tell the truth oh whoops oh my god am I telling the truth that's scary I didn't trust anybody for a while and when I realized I was beginning to trust my sponsor at three some years sober it scared the crap out of me I was like oh my God I'm telling someone something about myself i'm kind of ashamed of you know that ego gets in there okay so um families are and intimate friends are like you know there's no way we're going to be honest with them right but the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution and here's that italics i love that a fact that you told us pat about when they printed this book how they had to stop the press and then take out the words and put in the italic uh letters very expensive words it was an expensive problem too but the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution who is properly armed with facts about himself or herself can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours until such an understanding is reached little or nothing can be accomplished so that trust has to get established between these two people who are sitting down discussing the solution to the problem right that the man or woman who's making the approach has had the same difficulty that she obviously knows what she's talking about that her whole department shouts at the new prospect that she is a woman with a real answer. That she has no attitude of holier than now, nothing whatever except the sincere desire to be helpful. That there are no fees to pay, no access to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured. These are the conditions we have found most effective. Lectures get boring after a while. That's why we have three of us up here. We don't want to go to boring. these are the conditions we have found most effective so none of us makes a sole vocation of this work nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did now i'm in a position where i can devote a lot of time to this thank you god uh we feel here's another really interesting statement we feel that elimination of our drinking or using is but a beginning. Many of us thought that that was the problem. If we take that stuff away, then everything will be great, right? Well, it doesn't work out that way because it's a symptom. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs. Touching on step 12 here a little bit, but it's really true. I used to do these kinds of workshop things with a very close friend, and he worked in the food industry. And that was where his challenges were. That's where his inventories came from, was his relationship with his coworkers, and it was a relationship when he would become manager. Manager is a hard position for an alcoholic because we think we have some control now, and what happens? We get in trouble. And so I learned a lot from him in this area. So all of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we're going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated they can give nearly all their time to this work. and then they say if we keep on going the way we're going there's little doubt that much good will result right um a lot of women that i most women that I sponsor in turn sponsor other women who in turn sponsor other women so there is much good that we that will result but how many are still out there and just coming of age and starting to play around with drugs and alcohol you know who's going to help them so they say that um many could recover if they had the opportunity we have enjoyed in the middle of the page on page 19 how then shall we present that which has been so freely given us i like that they question how what their purpose of writing this book is you know what are they doing here they're trying to give us the same opportunity that they were given in the very beginning so they wrote this book which has not been changed since it was first published they say we have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it we shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge this should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem or in my case drug problem okay yeah okay of necessity, right? Think it's important? Of necessity. There will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. Uh-oh. Uh‑oh. Outright mental defective. When I realized that I was that, as well as all those other things in the doctor's opinion. It was a humbling experience, I must say. We're aware that these matters are from their very nature controversial. Nothing would please us so much as to write a book which will contain no basis for contention or argument or debate. We shall do our utmost to achieve as ideal and then there's this sentence coming up here that that you always to me seemed a little out of place because of its nature of what it's talking about suddenly they're going from kind of general talking about the program to most of us sense that real tolerance now how many of us the beginning know what that is i certainly didn't real tolerance of other people's shortcomings oh my god what are you kidding and viewpoints oh no i avoided people that didn't have the same few points that i had it's like why do i want to hang out with them and respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others. Our very lives as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. Now, probably not at first, but I find in my life today that that happens automatically. The thoughts of people and the prayers that go out to people just automatically start going on for me whether I'm in a meditation and prayer mode or not you may have already asked yourself why is it that all of us became so very ill from drinking there's that ill thing again doubtless you're curious to discover how and why in the face of expert opinion to the contrary we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body very cool took me a while to learn what that was if you're an alcoholic or addict who wants to get over it you may already be asking why do I have to do I'm going to give it to Leanne now. All right. All right, thank you. Leanne, real alcoholic. Hi, Leanne. Look how many people are here on Valentine's Day. So impressed with you guys. Although I don't celebrate Valentine's Day usually on Valentine'S Day. I do it the day before. Smart people do it the day after. The day before or the day after so you can get a reservation somewhere. although or early earlier in the day um thank you nancy so much for your lead we are in the first we're paid from page we're right now on pages 17 of the uh the first half of there's a solution and why are we in the First Half of There's a Solution I want to explain that because up until page 22 we are still in the physical after page 22 literally almost the beginning of the first complete paragraph of page 23 is when we start talking about the mental obsession, which will be in next week. So up to this point we are really trying to qualify ourselves as do I have the first part of this disease? Do I have this physical allergy? And they're going to give us some examples here. But by the way, let me go over something. It says on page 20 where Nancy just read it said um we have recovered by the way that's the seventh time in this book that we've up to this page up to page 20 that it said recovered it hasn't said recovering so we could stop saying recovering unless you are recovering you know but we can be recovered by what it says a hopeless condition of mind and body i am not cured of alcoholism right does it mean that after i get five years or ten years i can drink like a normal person and that i graduate from this and that i can you know have an occasional glass of wine doesn't work that way it doesn't matter how many years that we have right we're going to smash any old ideas or any ideas whether they're old or new or whether you think that maybe a period of time or that you might have evolved from this i've heard people say that i thought that i evolved you know when i was still in my drinking like i'm going to evolve from this i used to think that i could be able to do that but i have to be able to i'm going to be the book is going to show me that it's going to ask me some questions and i'm gonna ask myself some questions because that's how we do this in the big book awakening is that we ask some questions so if we go okay says it is a purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically we shall tell you what we have done before going on into detailed discussion that may be well to summarize some points as we see them how many times have people said to us Okay, you're going to love these, right? It's going to bring back some memories. You know those feelings that we were talking about, like Nancy said, we were talk earlier to some people, like a new guy. Where are you? He's saying, I feel icky and gross. Yeah, right, that's right where we're supposed to be because now we're digging up some old feelings, some old emotions, how we used to drink, what it was like, and it was, oh, you know. And you're right in the right place. This is exactly how you're supposedto be feeling, right. Unfortunately, we're going to be a few more weeks in the first step, okay? But there is a solution. All right. How many times have people said to us, I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he? Because I'm not like them, right? Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit? Because I don't know how to drink like lady. I don'T. That fellow can't handle his liquor. Why don'T you try beer and wine? I've tried beer and winE. And then I graduate to scotch and vodka. Lay off the hard stuff. His willpower must be weak. He could stop if he wanted to, right? These are ideas from people who don't understand what? The mental obsession? No. They don't understanding the physical part of this. They don' t understand that I don't have the mental capacity and the ability to have the willpower enough to stop drinking. I have willpower in other things in my life. I have willpower enough to stop eating food at a specific time I don't have an addiction to coffee I have like a cup of coffee sometimes I have that ability with certain things but I don' t have that ability to stop drinking alcohol that's why people who don't understand this they don't know what it feels like to be me they don't know what if feels like you they don't know what it feels like when alcohol goes inside my body and I can't stop because I'm overcoming this insatiable urge physical urge to keep drinking the doctor told him that if he drank again it would kill him but there he is all lit up again right you would think she would learn right every single time she drinks she's had sufficient enough reason over the last five ten years that she just, she should know better, right? I knew better. I couldn't understand why I couldn t stop drinking. I didn t understand why I was so strangely possessed by this liquid and I didn d understand whyI couldn t control the amount that I drank once I drank. All right. So now the book is going to, we re going to be confirming this physical part, right? And it s going to talk about the three different types of drinkers, not three different types of alcoholics these are three different types of drinkers in which category do you fall into so here we're going to look at the moderate drinker moderate drinkers have let me back up now these are i'm going to back up to the to the paragraph before now these are commonplace observations on drinking which we hear all the time back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding right it is they just don't understand we see these we see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours because here's the moderate drinker now we have to ask ourselves these questions and these were in the idiot's guide right it was the first questions we answered in the idiots guide do i fall into this category these are the questions i have to answer myself moderate drinkers have little trouble giving it up did i have little struggle giving it up maybe when i was 16 but entirely if they had good reason for it. They can take it or leave it, right? Could I take or leave alcohol? Could I just take it or leave? It I didn't have that and I couldn't all right so that one we can move on. I think that if any of us were moderate we wouldn't be sitting here but here's this is the part where it gets a little tricky all right and I really wish they would and if you listen to Mark Houston or listen to some other people they go into a little bit more depth as to the differences between the hard drinker and the real alcoholic, because they can look a lot alike. And I'm going to give you an example of my scenario between methamphetamine and alcohol, okay? So then we have a certain type of hard drinkers or hard drug users. Hard drug users, this does not mean that they have a physical, okay? He may have a habit badly enough to gradually impair his physically and mentally. Wait a minute, if he's impaired physically and mentally, wouldn't he be the real alcoholic? Wow. Physically, you would think that somebody who's impaired physically, they must be a real alcoholic, right? It may cause him to die a few years before his time, right, to die. So if they're going to die from alcoholism, from drinking alcohol, wouldn'T that make them an alcoholic? Listen, this is the kicker. If a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, change of environment or warning of a doctor becomes operative this man can stop or here's it moderate all right I could stop for periods of time moderate that's the question that you need to ask yourself can I stop or moderate I've seen people drink hard my husband used to try to keep up with me seriously so he was like I believe one time he was a hard drinker because he was trying to hang with me all the time. But today he drinks less than he did the day that I met him. Like, that's 23 years. Like, he can have a glass of wine. It's really, it's important for me to be able to see this because I have to be able to See what it looks like to drink normally and to not be impaired by alcohol. And he doesn't get, I can't tell the difference of when he's drinking and when he's not drinking, where that's just different with me. Right? It is. Okay. Can you guys, can you relate to this? Right? How many of you can moderate? Is there anybody here that can moderate? Look, some of you may be in here for drugs, but you can moderate alcohol. Nobody? Okay. You can moderate alcohol. See? She can moderate alcoholic. How many people many of you can, how many of you cannot moderate alcohol but you can moderate drugs? Me too. Okay, so here, I did methamphetamine every day for four years. You would go, you're a drug addict. Right? But I was, I seriously was able to control the amount that I used. I did half a gram less than me a week. What? Yeah. All the time. I can make, sometimes I would do a little bit more, but you know, for the most part this is the amount that I did every single day for four years every day but listen sufficient reason sufficient reason my sufficient reason was I started to get psychotic I started To think that people were chasing me and I went and that we have a flight path over my house in Lakeside and I used to believe that that they were after me and my, my quarter gram. And so I'm serious. And so I remember this day, I wouldn't look in the mirror. I was scared. I wasn't going to see the devil. I would not look at myself in the mirror. And then, and then one day I was looking at my daughter who was laying in her crib and, and that was sufficient reason. And that was a day I stopped using methamphetamine and I, and I didn't ever use it. I didn'T use it for, for, and for, I tried it one year later. Here's the thing. I tried it again a year later and it made me, I couldn't do it. I freaked out. I panicked and I was still drinking at the time and I continued to drink for six more years and the obsession never returned. Given sufficient reason, I was able to stop. Would you guys say that I'm a drug addict? No. All right. Would you guys say I'm an alcoholic? Cause I can't do that with alcohol. Okay, good. All right. But what about the real alcoholic? I hate, I used to hate it when people would, would say, hi, my name is Bob and I'm a real alcoholic. What are you saying? I'm not, you know, I used to get because I didn't know but they knew because they knew what was happening on pages 20 and 21 and they were able to qualify themselves as the real deal. They know what they're talking about but what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker here. He may or not become a continuous hard drinker but after some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose control over his liquor consumption once he starts to drink and then they're going to go into this description of what it looks like, right? And I'm going to briefly go over this. Here is a fellow who has been puzzling you, especially for his lack of control. They're talking to the person who's not. Here's a person who's been puzzeling you because I'm not puzzling to you because if you're like me, I sound like you, right. He just does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He's a real Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde. I could have one glass of wine and my husband would know. He'd walk in the house and he'd go, you've been drinking. I just looked different like my face changed i would try to i would get so fucking pissed off like how does he know this but it was obvious to him right i completely changed my personality changed he is seldom mildly intoxicated seldom never actually in my case he is always more or less insanely drunk his disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little he may be one of the finest fellows in the world, yet let him drink for a day and he frequently becomes disgustingly and even dangerously antisocial. I was very antisoical towards the end of my drinking. I just, I couldn't even, what used to make me social now made me antisoial. I drank alone in the house by myself all the time. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision, right? I just screwed up everybody's main like like like parties or engagements or weddings i was a bachelorette party i won't even go there oh my god that brings back some memories okay i ruined this girl's bachelaret party he is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor but in respect he's incredibly dishonest and selfish he often possesses the special ability skills and aptitudes and has a promising career ahead of him i had we are all capable by the way i've I've also heard that most alcoholics are above average, so we got that going for us. He uses his gift to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and he pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. Sound familiar? All right, it's going to go on and on and talk about some crazy things that we did when we were drinking. And then the first full paragraph on page 22, it says, this is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic as our behavior patterns may vary but this description should fit him roughly you can you can make you can make this look like you can transfer the word alcohol into drugs and ask yourself you know does this does this description fit me how many of you fit this description of the real alcoholic how many oh everyone's hands how many of you fit this description of the real drug addict? All right. So with that, yeah, we got anybody here not relate to any, anybody here, not relate because this right here is the kicker for me. This is giving these three different types of drinkers, right? Obviously the moderate is, you know, all sweet, but between the hard drinker, does everybody understand the difference between what a hard drinker is and what the real alcoholic given sufficient reason the real alcoholic cannot stop or moderate given sufficient reason my daughter I mean it took me another 10 more years of drinking the one time I looked at my daughter in bed and when she was a baby and I stopped using meth was not enough to make me stop drinking the hot the hard drinkers given sufficient reason cannot stop for whatever reason yes when you mean stop you mean just like put it down like without having to seek outside help yes yeah yeah oh this is a bad idea yeah without having to seek out outside help trying to do it on your own willpower if you can do it on your willpower I don't know yeah they ask yourself if you can control the amount that you do okay two people you sit down you get you get you got you gotta you got a gram of coke and you go okay honey we're gonna to do two lines tonight and we're going to save the rest for next week can you do that but not for four years like just really like the last year and a half but that's like how i used and how i consumed and i guess there was maybe like at the end i had a hard time stopping i was also going through a lot of time and i i would have to go get help so I could go sleep right so I could sleep and then and then it was you have to ask I have to ask myself given sufficient reason can I stop and moderate I could stop and moderate I would be able to completely stop without any help any outside help another thing is the obsession has never returned not once not even when I was drinking has the obsession ever returned okay there you go all right so now we would agree now we would agree that we all have a common peril right we all have this common peril and I'm going to jump back to that first page because this is what the book is telling us. It says that we have a common peril. I used to think the word peril meant a common problem, but it means we have a common danger. We have a common danger That's our common What I thought was our common problem. It's our common danger, but we also have a common solution. It is also going to tell us that Let me just go back here That feeling of having shared a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. The big book is going to tell us that step one is our foundation, and I can't make my foundation without mortar and sand, right? So that's going to refer us to page 75. When we get into the fifth step, I'm just going to share this really quick because on page 75 it's goingto ask us these questions, and we need to be prepared before we go into this fifth step. It's going to say, is it 74 or 75? 75. Carefully reading the first five proposals. Okay. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly replaced? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? Mortar, I've got to know what's wrong with me. Sand, I got to Know My Solution. All right. But in itself, it would never have held us together as we are now joined. Our common peril will not hold us together in the fellowship. and this is what it says. It says, but that in itself would have never held us together as we are now joined. The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. So what does that mean to me? Right? What if we just went into meetings and all we had were our stories, our problems, right? And all we sound familiar. Okay. You guys are a lot, right. If all we was because our common problems are not what's going to hold us together. Our common solution is what's going to hold us together. The big book's telling me this. It's our common solution, but when all we have and we haven't done the work and we don't dig into this and we do not do this, all we had to share in meetings is our dangers and our problems and what it was like, right? But that's not what holds us this together. We have Discover a Solution. This is the great news that holds us together if you go into a meeting and you ask 20 people this is the this is the crazy thing if you went into a meeting and you ask 20 people to write a little paragraph on what on what the common solution is I guarantee you'd get 20 different answers you ask a room you ask this room with the common solution as I guarantee we'd get about the same answer right because we're learning what the solution is in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous right because what we do is we live on middle-of-the-road solutions just don't drink no matter what first things first by the way what is the first thing. I never understood what the first thing was. What is the first thing? Does anyone know? I get 20 different answers. Let's hear what yours said. That's what the first thing is. I was in a meeting and I asked somebody what the first thing was, and that was not the answer that they gave me because it doesn't tell us. So middle of the road solutions just don't drink no matter what. Meeting makers make it, right? And that's what we're living on, and we're not living on it. If we get 20 different answers in the meeting of what the common solution is, that means that the message from this big book is not the message in our meetings today. How would you articulate it? What the message and the common solutions? My time's almost up. We're going to go. Hold on a second. Our common solution. Our common question is God. Our common solution, the big book says when the spiritual malady is overcome, I straighten out mentally and physically. We're going to go into way more depth than that, all right? But that's just bottom line, right? Bottom line is that my solution is I'm beyond human aid, right, no human power can relieve my alcoholism. There's only one power, that one is God, may you what? Find him now. Okay, that's all I have on my time is up, thank you. solid solid solid you know the common solution is was stated really clearly in bill's story and that's when ebby came to bill and bill and ebmy says a bill i got religion but then he goes into the detail of the answer which and and um roland hazard explains it to the judge when he's getting ready to take on ebby he said it's a simple religious idea depend on god and then follow a simple spiritual path and that spiritual path taken down through the oxford group the six steps as you would see in page 263 of the big book at the original and how it developed into the 12 steps is that spiritual execution of what does it look like to trust in god so it's right out of the big book and the challenge you run into in some of the meetings that you'll go to around around the city is uh they don't spend a whole lot of time in the book you know it's not it's kind of criticism of them sometimes they just don't know and the interesting thing is in the traditions it says that you know our program is one of attraction not promotion so each of you in this room as we and every time i go through this where i'm just like everybody else in this room i need to work as we're doing it tonight i'm fully engaged i'm fully dialed into what we're doing right now in step one the physical allergy i'm 14 and a half years sober i need to look at this just as much as the first day i was sober i always will every time i take somebody through the work every time i go through the word i always go through this again to confirm and to find out if my little head has somehow convinced me that hey i've graduated i haven't graduated because i'm called back to turning statements into questions and I find out that again I'm a hopeless variety I am the real alcoholic what a blessing man knowing who I am knowing who I am and knowing that we have a solution through these steps and that I get to give it away to every people I work with nothing better and I hope for each of us as we're going through this work that we're looking at the same thing Not only are we discovering our own truth, but the reason we go through it so specifically in the BBA is so that we can carry this precise message to the next still-suffering alcoholic or addict so it doesn't get diluted. So that from 1935 to 2017, the same message of recovery with all of its strength, with all OF its hope, with ALL of its power is still the message we are collectively sharing, okay? So now, everybody's been doing the work, right? Raise your hand if you did the work. Excellent. Raise your hands if you met with your step-buddy and read your answers. Oh, look at you guys. You guys are trying to go ahead of the class, aren't you? Oh, no. Overachievers is right. Okay, so we've got plenty of time, and we're going to focus on two questions tonight. Okay, we could do a lot, but we're going to focus on two questions. The first question is we're going to go over to the top of page 10. Yeah, we're going to look at the hard drinker, okay? If you're a moderate drinker see me after. Seriously. And by the way and I mean this with all sincerity if you are a moderate drinker and you still want to go through the work this spiritual life has value to all so there's no reason not to go through the world but do me a favor do yourself a favor and do others a favor in this room don't represent yourself as an alcoholic or an addict if that's not your truth a hard drinker can kill a real alcoholic a hard user if i i would never when i'm working with somebody i never represent myself as an addict because i'm not guys i'd be embarrassed to even talk to a real addict about my brief unillustrious career of using there's nothing there's something i mean really there's nothing i had never had an allergic reaction to the to the use never and i never obsessed over In fact, I was going, God, why would anybody ever do this shit? Right? Is that a weird answer? Right. Now, I understand my center of my soul why people drink. Oh, my God, do I understand that? That I understand. Okay? But you're not doing anybody a favor if you represent yourself as something you're not. And you're nicht doing yourself a favor because it's not a qualifier for you to go through this work. but don't ever put yourself in a position of trying to sponsor a real addict or a real alcoholic if you're not that because you could end up killing them because some way somehow out of your mouth out of the your spirit out of who you are you're going to say just don't drink just don t use just put it down just think it through you know crack the pipe or whatever you guys pipe with a crack all right it wouldn't make sense you look at me like are you from mars you couldn't relate all right here we go hard drinker so we're gonna have everybody come on up whoever wants to and we're going to look at you got your choices okay let's do uh number 23 if you don't have to read the question i'm gonna read it to you right now so the 23 right reads if a doctor employer judge probation officer tells you to quit stop could you do it fell in love could you stop for her or him them if you move to a different place could you stop forever does this describe you or do you know people like that that'd be a hard drinker let's start there for a little bit and then we're going to jump after a little bit of time over to the real alcoholic and i'll break and bring it back up okay or the real addict. Here we go. So the first question is, can you relate to this hard drinker? Come on up and give your answer. Good evening. My name is Vince. I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety date is 2-16-2002. So in 28 hours, I'll have 15 years. I did with pot what you did with speed. It was crazy. If you think you said and one year after I quit, I tried it again. And it made me so paranoid. I thought I was gonna jump out of my skin. It's incredible. Then I went on the house and had a drink. Yep. And then another drink because one is never enough okay um this is my first time ever going through this workshop um i came in on the third week so i've been playing catch up i haven't shared because i wasn't caught up um i'm gonna go to um question 19 on page nine this is the reason why i'm here um I've been going through stick to 23 but yeah yeah because this is something I really have to share I won't for the last 15 years I've been going to a step study in La Mesa that was my home group the first meeting I ever went to and I just haven't I just felt I haven't been getting to where I want to go so um number 19 on page nine says do you understand you can choose your own conception of god that it only has to make sense to you and this is my answer i have an intellectual understanding of a power greater than myself emotionally i do not have any kind of connection with god um it is something that i am looking for um my step guide through this meeting he looked at me when i read that and he said you've really stayed sober all this time and the answer is yes i have because i know i can't find god at the bottom of the bottle so um that's why i'm here i'm trying to find spiritual connections with God so thank you for letting me share my name is Eric I'm an alcoholic and an addict I got a little confused on the part D of this hope my answer is opposite but I'll start with a if a doctor employer judge no I've been there failed that every time I I got out of prison, and the only thing that my pro-lofts wanted me to do was don't do dough. And when I did, I couldn't do though. So I kept going back and back and black and back for years and years. If I fell in love, yeah, right. And she told me to stop. No, been there was unsuccessful. I just drank instead. So instead of being in love I just chose to drink or do drugs or whatever. If you moved to a different place, could you stop forever? I did that. when i got off parole when i turned 25 after doing seven years in the california youth authority i was like i gotta get the fuck out of san diego and uh what i do i go all the way to new york and it lasted for a little a little while you know and then i started you know drinking and drinking a lot and a lot a lot. And then i was a manager and then I was a market manager and regional manager and I was drinking a latin I was bringing my guys home with me for the weekend we're drinking and then the towers fell and I said oh well shit I should smoke crack now so So now, instead of having meth, which I had in San Diego, now I had crack and a Hennessy habit. Like, it was crazy. So what did I do? I came back to San Diego. Shit. D, does this describe you or do you know people who did stop for reasons like these? I'm confused on that question, but my answer was it describes what I could not do. I couldn't stop for anything. So it doesn't describe you, but do you have any friends? Do you know anybody like that? No. They're all like you. Yeah, I don't know if those people exist. rodney alcoholic so on does this describe you it describes me now you know i passed through the stage of being a hard drinker at some point I went straight into being an alcoholic now do I know people who did stop for reasons like this yes I do my brother stopped when he ran over a woman in Mexico City he was a hard at least a hard drinker and he got so scared after being in a Mexican prison for a week he never drank and left mexico and he sits there and drinks one glass of wine yeah okay and another friend of mine well quentin uh when he had a a criminal really hard criminal case right uh i won't say what it is but he stopped he stopped so I do know people like that am I one of those no my name is Michelle never alcoholic meth addict and a heroin addict the hard drinker or user it doesn't describe me well um but we're talking about people that we know and uh so on camilla that um my dad uh he died of liver disease um from alcoholism and when they diagnosed him uh in december he quit drinking and then he ended up dying in august but like it baffled me because i grew up this guy grew up alcohol in the car between his legs you know what I'm saying like he drank all the time like he even would drink 2-11 I think open the uh the refrigerator and it'd be like like box wine juicer to go and then to like he always drank like he would maybe take one day off a week just so that way he could be like hey hey look at me I'm not a drinker but I really think he was drinking them uh at the park anyway he's like I'm gonna go read uh but yeah he stopped drinking when the doctors told him that he had liver disease and you know so we're talking about it around there in the corner and like it still like babbles me i was talking to brooke about it you know the other day too and i was like i was like yeah like even like to the moment he died he didn't ask for a drink and i'm like that's just crazy to me that's crazy and she's like i Was like i'd be like what the hell give me a drink fuck this and she said uh you wouldn't want to die sober and i Was Like oh i don't know i didn't know how to answer that question because i was like do i so i just thought it was a really interesting question to ask myself and look at see how that kind of develops like as we go you know but so anyways my dad i don't know i don'T KNOW HOW HE DID IT BECAUSE IT REALLY BECAU SE I THINK HE WAS THE REAL DEAL ANYWAY Christian, alcoholic, and addict. You know, through my years of usage and through using up in Seattle as well as down here, I've had friends and some family friends, um like like it seems like the older people get like my dad's friends they were like the wife's on them and they were able to like put it away for a while um but uh and i even have some friends back home that were able not necessarily get sober but they they just drink beer now or they might smoke weed and drink beers but you know they're not doing the hard stuff so it's like they're not sober, but they're just kind of medicated or moderating. I can't do that shit. So getting to the questions, you know, that we were supposed to answer, you know, and if a doctor, employer, judge, you know went through that with you, could you stop? I mean, I could not stop for any reason, whether it be, you know, runs with the police up in the Seattle Tacoma. I lived on an island that was very small, 14 miles long, 8 miles long. You'll still have to take a ferry to get there. Bam. Bingo. Yep, and great spot. I love it. My mom's place is right in the water. It's beautiful, but the cops, there's like two cops out there, and my dad was friends with one of them, and there's two other ones that come off island, and they know who you are. They're like, oh, there goes Christian. Fucked up again. I mean, I was always fucked up, so they just like pulled me over. So yeah, there's no wonder why I kept going to jail and hanging out in the wrong places and just not getting sober. so I mean it doesn't matter what I did going to court, I went to every rehab up in Washington probably like not twice but like I went to Lakeside, I Went to Sela, Washington out in like Sundown and Branch, everyone like up in Washington I visited and it did not matter, I didn't stay sober I'd get out and I didn' t do the steps, I'd like go through 1, 2 and 3 like yeah I'm kind of powerless and I would never get that spiritual I wouldn't seek that, I was seeking spiritually but i never was like like 100 surrender and like so through that i just nothing worked so anyway um getting back to be um you know he fell in love so forth and so on i've you know i had a girlfriend that i did love but we used together so i mean that just didn't work excuse me um that was fun okay uh anyways see if you move to a different place you stop um obviously not um you know i moved all around seattle um to from bash on to alki out in lake west seattle but never stayed so we moved down here and that's this is like the first time i actually gave sobriety a shot was down here um and even going to rehab down here i never really did the steps until my third time around um is it yeah it's okay keep going okay so this is kind of a little feedback okay anyway i never i never did the steps all the way and is there no wonder you're freaking sober i didn't do the steps and even like through doing the steps um you know getting that spiritual awakening or that that psychic change that they talk about within the book and it was it was better and i was getting that synthetic knowledge they talk about but didn't have that spiritual you know experience that i i have had um you know through just providence like seriously um and you know i'm doing this work today because i i want to be able to understand more about it and be ableto like be of service when i actually you know take people through the steps it's such an integral part of the program i've learned that over the years and that's what i'm kind of getting into and you don't i have like so much uh you know that i've gone through that i'm willing to like you know that set aside prayer that we talk about I know a lot and have had a lot of insight and awakening through the steps and just through, like I said, a divine act of providence. But there's always more, you know, and I look forward to that. And lastly, I mean, sorry, I'm coming up here rambling, so my apologies. But does this describe you or do you know people that could stop a reason for like this? I think I kind of already mentioned that. You know, I could never stop for any reason. Anyway, thank you. Awesome. Thanks, John. Okay, we're going to switch over because I did it and somebody's walking up. Here's the next question, so you can do either one, okay? It's a double winner. Number 25. You guys ready? Number 25, based on your own experience, have you discovered your own truth? And are you the real alcoholic or drug addict or both? And the most important question, what does this mean to you? Okay, so my name is Wayne. I'm a moderate tweaker in denial. I'm going to touch on 23 real quick. If a doctor or employer judge asked me to stop, could I do it? the short answer is no. The long answer is hell no. And if I fell in love and she asked me to stop, could I do it? She did and I couldn't. She told me that she'd take my daughter and she did. They told me I'd never see my daughter again and I still could not stop. The third one here, if I moved someplace, could i stop forever? I had a plan with this one actually and I snorted my lines all the way up to the state line and had my last song on the state line, and then drove into my new job the next day. And that one sure didn't work. And I will touch 25 real quick. I guess I have surrendered to the notion that the nightmare I was living in was not reality, but it wasn't my fault. The recovery, however, is both my responsibility and within my ability to have and maintain. And a big part of my disease centered on the bitterness that I had been living in this terrible life, and as a result, I really never lived. I just ran. And that's changed. So thank you. Awesome. Okay. Jana, I'm an alcoholic. Hey, Jana. Okay, number 25. Yes, I am a real alcoholic. I can't live within my morals and values when I drink. I can not stop once I start. I can drink safely. I become a changed person and I cannot predict what will happen, where I will wake up or even if I will be wake up. this means for me it means that I need to accept spiritual help and surrender to God one day at a time for the rest of my life to get that spiritual daily reprieved. I'm Justin, I'm a heroin addict, meth addict. To ask if am I a hardcore user? Yeah, I mean I used to be so gacked out of my mind that I'd walk into Walmart to go shopping or steal some food whatever and uh i'd have a loaded rig in my ear you know and and not even not even realize it until uh i go to walk out if i'm if i'M cashing out there ladies like you got drugs in your ear and i'm just oh my bad you know i'm sorry yeah but i wasn't sorry i didn't give a shit you know um Have I discovered my own truth on that? Yeah. I'm from Tacoma, Washington. You know, it was a night unlike any other night. I didn't have that clean wind through me. You know? I had it pushing me towards home. The only way I knew to go. and um uh i was asking myself why am i going home i i didn't pick up any drugs on the way there i'm not gonna have drugs for days if i go home you know but something just wouldn't let me alter off that path and i had never felt that way before ever never in my life since i started using and nothing could stop it and uh not even the thought of oh i could just swerve into this car on my bike and then shit i ain't gotta go home but but something brought me to my brother's house and uh it led me here he bought me a plane ticket in like 10 hours notice and boom i came you know a part of me that you know the tweaker part of him was like shit i didn't get on no plane because i didn'T have nothing i DIDN'T prepare my last hurrah or nothing like that and uh what does this mean for me um 34 years ago my mom she's from here she moved to Tacoma to get away from all that same same shit and 34 years later she sends me to her hometown to get clean and uh this is the first time I've ever ever wanted it and every day it gets easier and I'm happy, and my self-confidence is coming back, you know? And what it means for me is that I finally get to become the dad that I knew I could be to my 8-year-old daughter, you Know? And I'm just loving life. Thank you. Awesome! Awesome! That was awesome. Oh, my God, that was so good. Hi, I'm Camila. I'm a recovered alcoholic. Hi, Camila! So I was telling Leanne, this was really a game changer for me, this assignment. A couple of years ago when I got out of rehab, I didn't think I was an alcoholic. I just went to rehab because I needed someone to tell me how to not drink. And I went to a rehab that really didn't discuss whether or not I had to be an alcoholic, so they just took me through a lot of work, which I'm grateful for. So based on my own experience, have you discovered your own truth? Are you a real alcoholic? I do believe I'm a real alcoholic. I know this because of what physically happens to me once I drink. And even though I don't black out or get shit-faced drunk, I immediately crave more and start to plan every day around when I can have that next drink. I thought I just liked to drink, but it is deeper. I like sweets, and I like sushi, but those things don't consume me the way alcohol does. For me, when I drink, it is like a holy experience. and that scares me because that means i'm using alcohol to fill a spiritual hole that only god can fill and if i get out in my own way and become really honest with myself and like i sometimes like even after this time like i still like it's good to go through the work again um because sometimes i'm like why am i still doing this like i don't the mentor obsession has been removed or why do i still work with people and i just want to share just make myself accountable that you know for me when I work with another woman I realize it's not about me being recovered it's about the fact that God loves a woman in front of me so much that it's out about me that he want to works through me to help heal her and that makes me continue to do the work okay my name is Leah um I'm yeah that's right I'm a real um I'm a real drug addict I'm definitely a real drug addict so I did 18 months in prison for dealing drugs and residential burglary and when I got paroled I got out and I got loaded so obviously that was not the whole memory of that was not enough to keep me from using fortunately I qualified for something called proposition 36 which sent me into a six-month long program and not back to prison by the grace of God but three years after that I got sober three years after that. I thought I'm not really a real alcoholic so I thought I'd start drinking and like a week later I was waking up in people's hotel rooms it was like in no time yeah and then I and then the doctor told me I had hepatitis C so I just quit drinking I didn't I didn' t need anything I didn''t need any outside intervention. So alcohol really wasn't my thing. I was able to put it down, but it was just because that I was dying and my liver was dying that I wasn't able to do it. So I definitely qualify as a real alcoholic. I mean, it's a real drug addict, but what does this mean to me today? That for me, I have accepted the Lord into my heart and God is what's going to save my life. There's no, there's just no other way. I've been through some really hard things lately, my wife went back out. And so that's a really hard thing to go through. And there's a lot of financial wreckage and there's just, there's a lot of, I almost consider getting loaded. I almost consider getting like I just for the first time in probably 10, 12 years, I considered it for a minute and I just got on my knees and prayed and asked God for his grace because there's nothing, Nothing, nothing, nothing is ever worth that incomprehensible demoralization ever again. And I will never let anything stand in the way of my relationship with God. Thank you so much. That's right! Good evening, family. My name is Shakira and I'm grateful to know that I'm a dopaholic. Hey, Shakira! and I have to say that at the beginning because you know my family never knew what was wrong with me certainly I didn't you know so they had ministers come in and shake holy water on me take me to shrinks sanitariums and nobody could figure out what my problem was until I found the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous some 26 years ago okay so I'm the real deal I'm a real alcoholic I'm I'm the one who does absurd, tragic, you know, irresponsible things at the most inopportune time. Right? Like forget to pick up your son from the bus stop. He's only 10 years old and you're on the way there early to pick him up and you have a bright idea. Hey, I'll stop at the dope man's house and get a couple of hits. It'll be okay. I've got about an hour to go. And when I come to any point of clarity, okay, it's five o'clock and the kid's been sitting there since 2 o'clock in the afternoon, okay? I'm the kind of alcoholic, you know, who tells his employer, you know,"Hey, take this job and shove it. I'm not working here anymore, okay?" You know, you guys are full of racism, and I'm a token black woman here anyway, yet they've given me 1,001 chances to make it, right? I go to work loaded, end up sleeping on the job, right, numerous write-ups, and I quit and walk away, okay"? I'm The Real Alcoholic, who was disbarred from the practice of law when I had an opportunity not to be disbarred. They gave me every possible opportunity, but I was so defiant and so rebellious that I continued to use and drink. I'm the kind of alcoholic, the kindof addict who stays awake all night hitting the pipe, and when my friends are getting on my nerves, then I'll check into a motel thinking, hey, if I use by myself, then I can really hit this thing right and I can master this thing. uh i'm the kind of addict you know who says hey you know after waking up and feeling that remorse and that that regret that incomprehensible memorialization that we feel saying hey i'm gonna rehab tomorrow i got a kid to raise i can't live like this man okay and i kept saying that over and over again and that next day became next year and that last year became 20 years later and i'm still not there yes okay um you know i have to say this um this workshop means the world to me i haven't been here for a couple of weeks because i've been hospitalized okay i'm thinking walking around thinking i've got the flu man who big elephant sitting on my chest and i go and see my physician and all of a sudden paramedics running in okay i mean an ambulance i'm being rushed to the hospital i've had a heart condition that's related to me way back when i was hitting the pipe and i can remember now okay this one if it was evening you know and and i just hit it too hard right and then i passed up my friends put me in the shower and i come to and i continue to hit the pipe damaging my heart having no idea the kind of just irreparable damage that i'm doing to myself physically mentally and otherwise you know that's why I haven't been here and I just want to say I'm truly committed to this process I have a number of years in the program but there's a quality there's an approach to this that's really just resonating with my spirit okay and I'm beginning to see other issues that I need to work on and I am beginning to find that I can really be of major service to God and my fellows as a result of this process thank you That is all the time we have tonight. Hey, great. Was this a great meeting? We had a lot of good stuff going on. I'm telling you, I hope you feel identification. Anybody feel like after a shipwreck you're together with some people that you could have some commonality? Yeah, okay. Hey, let's look at the assignment for next week just for a second. We are on... I always get just screwed up. I want to think... No, we are. we are on assignment number six so assignment number six is you're going to read there is a solution pages 23 through 29 and in your bba workbook pages 24 through 27 in the bba workbook you're going to put that in the big book and then in the idiot's guide on page 12 you're going to answer the questions and go through with your step buddy questions number 29 through 34. Okay? Any questions on that? Is anybody having problems with writing the stuff in the book? Everything okay? If you do, come on up and we'll talk after, okay? Seriously. All right. Let's all gather together and let's pray it out. Oh, shoot. Pass the basket, God. You've got to get some money and then we've got to get volunteers for next week. Does anybody want to volunteer? You will be paid to get food for us. In other words, buy some food like we have over here tonight. In fact, we could probably package that up and save it for next week. There's quite a few. Matt's in? Cool. Thanks, buddy. That'd be great. And then, Nancy, what else do we have besides food? We have to clean up. And then on cleanup, don't necessarily need to show of hands, but we just need to make the room nice and pretty after the fact. Straight out of the chairs, you know, clean up the coffee pot, that kind of stuff, okay? I'll help. Anybody else? Michelle? A bunch of others? Okay, great. And let's go ahead and pass the basket around first, and then we'll pray it out. Did we get a volunteer for someone to bring food for next week? Matt. Oh, Matt you are? Okay. Thanks buddy. Alright. Yeah the baskets are up front if you guys want to leave a donation it's for rent and for food for that would be Tremendous. Excellent. All right. What prayer are we using? Serenity prayer? Are we doing the serenity prayer? Yeah, I think so. Serenety prayer? Third step prayer? Yeah. SerenITY prayer. SerenTY prayer. Let's do the sereny prayer because some of us haven't been through the work yet. This third step and seventh step prayer are a little bit funky. We're not quite there yet. So we'll do the serenITY prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference. All right. Stay! Nice job guys.